you say you're looking for a fool [cordelia]

[Deleted]

Theodosia was, as she often was, bored. And without her betrothed to talk to or her Hufflepuff to harass, she was once again in search of something to do. The library would not have been the first place that Theo would look for someone to bother, but then she had figured that there was something poetic about a her bullying a nerd. Calling on all the stereotypes and everything. Trying to look nonchalant outside the library had been surprisingly easy - Theo had just opened a Transfiguration book across her lap and occasionally flipped the pages. She looked up every time she heard a set of footsteps coming past, but no one coming out of the library was particularly interesting. Theodosia needed someone interesting to cure her boredom, or at the very least, not mediocre. She kept flipping pages, not really taking in anything that was written down - she had read this section back in September, anyways. The more time that went by without a victim, the antsier Theodosia got. Finally, she just gave up on finding someone interesting and looked up at the very next person who walked out of the library. "Hello." She said without preamble. "How are you?" Not that she cared, but it was a good way to get things started.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

Searching for charms books in the library. That had never changed for Cordelia throughout her six years at Hogwarts. It was really the only consistent thing she had done during school; not even photography spanned that long. In comparison, her favorite hobby was a relatively new one when put up against her love for learning new charms. Lately her thing had been spinning small objects in circles. It had initially started with empty film canisters. One at a time they would float into the air, and then she would manipulate them just enough that they would each have their own rotation. Getting them to do little tricks while spinning was the next task, so she had to find a more advanced book on levitation. Such a useful set of skills. No wonder the school had enchanted the books in the library to automatically go back to where they belonged after they were returned.

Having scanned through the book in her hands already, Cordelia was positive this was the one she needed to complete her task. The spell was simple, but it would definitely keep her occupied for hours, and it was just enough that it would keep people away from her. Most just gave her a passing glance and decided it wasn’t worth breaking her concentration. Smiling to herself, she stepped out into the hallway, only to be bombarded by a voice asking how she was. Slightly hopping to the side because she hadn’t anticipated someone to be right outside the library, Cordelia looked the other person up and down quickly. “M-Me?” Didn’t she know this girl from somewhere? She wasn’t exactly the best with names sometimes, but there was something about the straightforward question that was vaguely familiar. “I-I’m f-fi-fine…” Cordelia answered before the other girl could say that she was indeed talking to the Hufflepuff.

[Deleted]

Theodosia had almost wanted the girl who had approached to keep walking without acknowledging her. Then she would have a good jumping off point for her constant pokes and prods at them. When Theo looked up at the girl, though, something sparked inside of her. She nodded when the other girl stuttered out a question about Theo speaking to her, which was kind of silly, considering that there was no one else around, but the Slytherin was too busy trying to figure out why the face was familiar. She was a Hufflepuff, if Theo was remembering correctly, but there was more to the niggling familiarity than just passing in the hallways for several years. They had definitely spoken before, but for some reason, Theodosia couldn’t put her finger on when, or where, or why. But, because she was so intrigued by the feeling that she knew this girl, Theo was going to be nice. Well, nicer than she normally was. She was going to put on the same face she put on when her father was around – a polite, charming, well-adjusted girl. “That is good to hear, darling.” Theodosia said. She patted the ground next to where she was sitting, smiling at the other girl. “Sit with me. Let’s have a chat.” Theo said. The longer they talked the longer Theodosia would have to figure out when they had last spoken, and why Theo’s first instinct wasn’t to be mean to the other girl.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

Cordelia couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being studied by the other girl. Was there something on her face? She was almost positive that there hadn’t been anything there after breakfast, but she wouldn’t put it past herself to completely overlook it. It had happened before after all. Usually that was after a late night of studying followed by an extremely early wake up call. Sleepiness wasn’t exactly her best friend in the world. The other possibility that this girl was taking a while to say anything in return was because she had the same idea as Cordelia did: they had run into each other at some other point in time, but neither of them could pinpoint when or where that was. She didn’t think that was the most important detail in the world, because had it been an important encounter, she most likely would have remembered some details from it. So far there was nothing coming to mind.

Finally the girl started to talk, and Cordelia stayed where she was, continuing to stare down at her. Had she just been called darling? This girl was quite obviously younger than her, though probably not by much. Cordelia didn’t even know if she was one to take orders from others. Typically she was just ignored and went about her own business. Having someone take an interest in her for a casual conversation was…different. She stayed planted where she was for a few seconds after the other girl asked her to sit down and talk. Despite the hesitation, Cordelia moved her bag from her side to her front and took a seat next to the girl. This was definitely strange. “Abo-About what?” She found herself asking, somewhat curious about what exactly this chat of theirs was going to revolve around. Hopefully it had nothing to do with remembering where they had last run into each other. There was absolutely no way she was going to be able to recall anything like that.

[Deleted]

Ah, how Theodosia loved it when people obeyed her commands without question. It was becoming a more and more common occurrence, though Theo wasn’t sure if that was because people had learned of her reputation (and thus knew that they were going to be made to do whatever she requested if they refused), or if she had just been talking to more agreeable students later. Either way worked for her – as long as she got her way, Theodosia wasn’t picky about how. Though, if it was because of her reputation, she would need to be careful, so as not to draw any attention to herself from the new headmistress. Maybe she was less of a pushover than Longbottom and would actually do something to try to blunt Theo’s sharpness with other students. Theodosia didn’t think that would happen, though. It would take nothing short of expulsion to keep her from doing what she did, and the headline ‘Slytherin Pureblood Expelled’ wouldn’t do anything to gain the support of the pureblood community, which already seemed to in a bit of a tizzy about the way Hogwarts was being run. Theo’s parents were in a tizzy, at least, about two of their heads in a row being Mudblood lovers.

The other girl asked what they were going to have a conversation about, and Theodosia shrugged casually. “About anything you want, darling.” Theo said. Maybe if she got an idea of who this girl was – what she liked and who her friends were – she could figure out where they had met before. “Start by telling me why you were in the library.” Theodosia half-said, half-commanded. Now the other girl had no excuse not to talk, since Theo had given her a concrete jumping off point and there was none of the ‘I don’t know what to talk about’ business.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

There it was again. The other girl called her ‘darling’ for the second time. Cordelia was starting to think that was just her way of addressing people. Being that formal wasn’t exactly her cup of tea, mostly because she would never put herself in the position where formalities would be used. That meant communicating with people at a higher level, and she was more than content with not doing that. Plenty of students at Hogwarts seemed to think they were of a higher society though, as Cordelia had come to find out, so there was the possibility that this girl was just another one of them. Though it would be strange if she was actually a younger student than the Hufflepuff was. She knew that some people thought she was a fourth or fifth year because of her meek personality. There was a chance that was what was going on here. Cordelia certainly didn’t think she physically looked like a younger student anymore, but she supposed that could be up for interpretation depending on the person. There were plenty of younger students that were taller than her (and freakishly taller at that) and who were consistently mistaken for being older than they were.

The conversation moved on though. Cordelia was told that she could talk about anything she wanted to. Well that wouldn’t be that interesting. If she was going to talk about herself, it was going to be a jumbled mess about cameras and muggle stuff, nothing that this girl would find remotely interesting. Especially if she used ‘darling’ in her every day vocabulary. Before she could state that she didn’t know what to talk about, the girl continued on and asked her to explain why she was in the library. That was a little easier. “I-I w-was l-look-looking f-for adva-advanced l-l-levitation b-books,” she forced out, holding up the book she had checked out so the other girl could see it. From her understanding, the material in this book was above seventh year teachings, so it was material that was further along than anything taught at Hogwarts. That was the one nice thing about the library here; having books and studies on all sorts of everything. It definitely helped pass the time.

[Deleted]

This was going to be an interesting experience. The stutter didn’t go away when the girl spoke again, which meant that it was likely that it wasn’t related to nerves. Theodosia was being a perfect lady when it came to conversing with this Hufflepuff, far from her normal abrasive (or recently, overly sexual) self. She was doing nothing to warrant this kind of nervousness! Theodosia had to force herself to be calm, so that she didn’t accidentally make that statement untrue. Luckily, the Slytherin had had to hold her tongue as a child so many times that it was marginally easier to do so now, though Theodosia did bite her tongue (literally) to keep words from slipping out before she could stop them. If she scared the Hufflepuff away, then she could never figure out how she knew her, and that would be nothing short of a tragedy.

The other girl offered that she was looking for advanced levitation books, and Theodosia peered at the cover of the tome that was presented to her. The Hufflepuff didn’t offer any more information, though, confirming Theodosia’s suspicion that this conversation was not going to be an easy one. This was why she was never nice – everything ended up being dreadfully boring when there were no verbal (or physical) spars going on. Theodosia couldn’t imagine living an entire life that way. Still, she had a goal in mind, and she was going to try to keep the other girl occupied so the Slytherin could continue to figure out why her first reaction hadn’t been to be horribly mean. “For class, or for leisure?” Theodosia prompted. “And for either, why?” Hopefully that would get a response longer than one word as the other girl explained what exactly she was doing with the book.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

The girl was seemingly patient with Cordelia, especially when it took her longer to get everything out. These questions were simple, yet they required a lengthy response in her opinion. The more she talked, the higher percentage she had of screwing it all up. That was bad enough in front of people she was comfortable with. Doing it in front of a random person she vaguely recalled wasn’t exactly a pleasant thought. The more she thought about it though, the girl wasn’t exactly asking questions, per se. They were more commands to get to the answers she wanted to hear, and Cordelia was obliging by answering. The removal of the question aspect was easier for her to answer. It had more of a casual feel to it than firing off questions did. Still, Cordelia did her best to offer as much information as she could to the girl in as few words as possible, mostly to spare both of them the effort of trying to figure out how to continue the conversation.

Of course more questions followed after she showed the book to the girl. Cordelia had figured as much. She should have realized that the second she sat down, she was locked in for a while. But this was also the kind of thing she had been working towards correcting. Getting better at holding conversations and talking about herself had always been a struggle, and she was tired of it. So here she was, going out of her comfort zone in the hopes to change that. “F-For m-my-myself.” She somewhat wished she could have sad the word ‘leisure’, but that was one of those ones where she knew she would get tripped up. It always happened with the ‘L’s. “Ch-Charms isn’t enough of a ch-challenge f-for m-me,” Cordelia said slowly, making sure to sound out each word. That helped on occasion to make her sentences comprehensive. “I-I l-like g-get-getting ahead so-sometimes…”

[Deleted]

Theodosia listened when the Hufflepuff girl said that she was reading the books for herself – apparently the word ‘leisure’ was beyond her, and Theo grimaced internally. She did not want to be stuck in a conversation with someone who didn’t know the word leisure, or couldn’t say it, no matter how intriguing the person was. Since she had been the one to start the conversation, though, Theodosia was not going to leave now. She wasn’t rude – no self-respecting pureblood was. They all had to walk on eggshells around each other, because the wrong word could be a death sentence for a pureblood and their reputation. Theo was fairly certain the other girl didn’t understand that. Even if she was a pureblood, she was a Hufflepuff, and it seemed as if few of them ended up in high society, or in arranged matches. Theo’s brain flashed to her other Hufflepuff companion – acquaintance, really – whose name she also didn’t know. She was going to need to get better at teasing people’s names out of them, Theo thought to herself. She tuned back in to what the other girl was saying, smirking a bit when the girl said that Charms wasn’t enough of a challenge for her. “That’s probably because all of our teachers are buffoons.” Theo said flippantly. She had been trying to be nice to the other girl, but since she couldn’t seem to recall why she had that sense of familiarity, it seemed silly to save face. She didn’t want to ruin her reputation by getting tangled up with two Hufflepuffs – one was bad enough as it was. At least this one wasn’t flirting with her, Theodosia thought with another smirk. “If you’re brilliant, why do you stutter?” Theodosia asked bluntly. It wasn’t as smooth as she normally was, but if the other girl was in a situation where she wasn’t being challenged by her classes, then she must’ve been at least above average, which meant she ought to be more comfortable with herself and not stutter in such a frustrating manner.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

Cordelia scrunched her face up a little bit. She wouldn’t say that the professors were buffoons. It was more like they had certain standards that they were required to follow during normal class time. They couldn’t help that. She knew that to get ahead and to learn more advanced spells and techniques she had to stay after class and get private lessons. Professor Zhu had been quite accommodating when it came to that as well. “I-I d-don’t th-think they’re all th-that b-bad…” she muttered under her breath. This was the kind of confrontation she didn’t like getting into. They were having a nice, simple conversation about charms and books. The last thing she wanted was to upset this girl because they had differing opinions on their professors’ teaching methods.

She dragged her hand across the book cover as the girl continued talking. As she asked the question, Cordelia stopped. It was strange. She wasn’t sure whether or not to take the complement from the girl, having being called brilliant, only to be followed up with something that sounded almost like an insult. She didn’t know why she stuttered. That was the eternal question, right? She had always figured it was a combination of extreme social anxiety and her inability to communicate her words properly. But she knew it was more than that. There had never been any effort to correct the problem when she was younger, her parents assuming she’d simply grow out of it once she went to school. That never happened. “It’s-It’s n-not s-something I uh…con-control.”

[Deleted]

The other girl insisted that the professors weren’t that bad, and Theodosia rolled her eyes. Sure, they weren’t bad, but it wasn’t like they were all that intelligent. No one who was actually smart wanted to teach! And teaching at Hogwarts just seemed awful, especially when Longbottom had been headmaster. McGonagall wasn’t much better in her social views, but at least she seemed like a woman who knew what she was doing – Longbottom was so incompetent that he had allowed a dozen students to be kidnapped under his watch. He had been outsmarted by a teenager! And part of that had to do with Elaine’s brilliance, but Elaine could only leverage so much. Which was another point about the school’s professors – the Dark Lady easily outclasses most of them when it came to knowledge, at least how Theo saw things. “Maybe they’re just pulling the wool over your eyes.” Theo commented nonchalantly. It was so easy for the rest of the student body to be blinded by their parents’ soft-hearted, weak-minded views. It was only Theo and the other Purifiers who were truly aware and awake.

Theo laughed when the Hufflepuff girl insisted that she couldn’t control her stutter. “It’s your mouth, isn’t it? And your tongue?” It was her body, so it seemed obvious to Theodosia that the girl could stop stuttering if she really tried. “I’m going to find a way to fix it.” Theodosia said. Even though she still couldn’t remember the damn girl’s name, she was going to give the other girl a reason to remember hers… By getting rid of the stutter.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

The professors were pulling the wool over her eyes? That didn’t make sense at all. They, the students of Hogwarts, were at school to learn magic. It wasn’t like the professors had ulterior motives that they needed to get the students to blindly follow. At least she didn’t think they did. Professor Zhu wasn’t all that secretive about her distaste for Gryffindors, and Cordelia agreed with her on that to a certain degree. They did have an air about them when it came to learning and paying attention, and while they weren’t all rude, some could be obnoxious. On the flip side, she took forever to talk when called on in class, so it wasn’t like she was any better than they were when it came to wasting time. Cordelia felt that opposing the other girl’s view wasn’t going to get them anywhere, so she kept her mouth shut. There were some things that weren’t worth pushing, and this topic seemed like one. The other girl had already explained her disdain for the professors twice in as many minutes, and was clearly set in her ways. Not everyone could be changed.

Or everything, for that matter. The girl was saying something about how it was Cordelia’s mouth and tongue, and that she should be able to control what happened with it. Maybe in a perfect world she would, but there were too many other things in the way preventing that. She continued on about how she would find a way to fix it, and Cordelia just stared at her. “I-I d-don’t think its tha-that s-simple…” The Hufflepuff had looked at countless spell books to see if there was any charm or potion to help her, but only ones that counteracted spells existed. Her stutter was all natural, and the only way it would ever be fixed was through practice and eventually growing out of it. At this point though, it was all about working it out completely. That was easier said than done, and the other girl didn’t seem to understand that.

[Deleted]

Theodosia’s lips pressed themselves into a thin line when the stuttering girl insisted that the solution wasn’t as simple as becoming the master of her own body or finding a spell that would work to untangle her tongue. It really was that simple, Theo thought – it was just that the Hufflepuff girl had accepted that her life had to be the way that it was, and didn’t get around to looking for ways to change it. How pointless. “Things are only as difficult as you make them, darling.” Theodosia said with a wave of her hand. And the Hufflepuff girl was definitely making it hard for Theodosia to hold on to her train of thought, with the day she dithered and babbled and never really offered much of an opinion to anything. Theodosia liked people with fires in their bellies, people who would argue with her… not just lay down and stutter out weak responses about how the world worked. Theo knew better than the other girl how things happened, anyways, because she was the one making things happen.

Since she had nothing left to say, Theodosia propped herself up to a standing position, and then stared down at the Hufflepuff girl. “I’m going to go looking for a spell that will rid you of your stutter.” Theodosia announced. “The next time we see each other, be prepared.” This was the only warning that the girl was going to get; Theo would cast whatever spell she found, with or without permission, the next time she saw this stuttering blonde Hufflepuff. It wouldn’t look good, after all, for her to be seen helping someone. It was much, much better to frame it as an attack. With that in mind, the Slytherin turned on her heel and entered the library, ready to begin her research.

cordelia regan smith
(le end)

[cordelia regan smith]

@theodosia

Cordelia blinked a few times as the other girl said that things were only as difficult as she made them. That was…true. And she had been working on getting over the stuttering, or at the least, the social anxiety that amplified it. Trying to do better with the latter would hopefully fix the former, or so she believed. The problem here was that Cordelia was almost positive that this girl didn’t have a way to fix it, considering most of it was all her. Obviously she could drag the Hufflepuff into social situations and throw her to the wolves. That seemed to work from time to time. Eventually it wouldn’t though, and Cordelia knew she was already getting used to wandering into large school events and interacting with people she had never met before. Although her stuttering and lack of intriguing conversation always seemed to fail her during those. Kind of like right now.

The girl stood up. Cordelia stayed in her spot while she went on about finding a spell to get rid of the spell. Unlike last time, when she said she would fix it, this time sounded more like an affirmation that she was going to follow through with it. If the girl could pull that off, then props to her. It would solve a lot of problems in one, fell swoop. The only problem? The likelihood of a spell specifically created to cure a speech impediment didn’t sound like it was real. She had been wrong before. Cordelia stood up as the girl gave her a warning to be prepared for their next meeting. “O-Okay…” The girl turned and headed into the library. Staring down at the book she had taken out a few minutes earlier, the Hufflepuff shrugged and went on her way. If there was a spell that could help her, then she’d gladly accept it.

[THE END]