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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 7, 2017 20:33:10 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 20:33:10 GMT -7
Sometimes the hallucinations came back. But not in the same way as those three days of torture. They came back in her dreams. Twisting them into nightmares. After spending the entire day, fighting her thoughts to forget what she'd seen and try and act normal her mind would betray and torment her. And this time? This time she couldn't escape. No matter how terrible the dreams were, she couldn't just close her eyes to look away. Couldn't get a potion that would sedate her and help the visions end. She was trapped, forced to be haunted by the fears that were consuming her until they finally released her.
Obviously sleep didn't come easy to Maria because of this. She refused to tell anyone though. Refused to admit that she was scared to close her eyes because she couldn't escape her fears in her dreams. She'd already admitted enough to those closest to her. Elias was already worried sick about her, she didn't need to worry him any more, especially with the task. Samuel wasn't around and had already seen her in a terrible state, she didn't want him to see it again. And Viola... Viola already was trying to support her so much, she didn't want them to know that there was.... That there was still so much haunting her.
Thankfully her restless sleep was usually easy to overlook. She could feign sleep from her roommates (Viola included) and her restlessness meant she never really slept completely soundly, so she could get up before everyone else. Sometimes though... Sometimes exhaustion would finally get the better of her and she'd fall into a deep sleep... where the Nightmares were the worst.
All the Durmstrang students were asleep in their dorms, the ship completely silent except for the water of the lake beating against the sides. Everyone in the girl's dorm was asleep. The silent was only broken when Maria let out a weak and muffled whimper, tossing and turning in her bed. Despite the chilly February weather her forehead was covered in a cold sweat. If anyone had been awake they'd know immediately that she was having a night mare, a bad one at that. But that wouldn't matter for much longer because those handful of Durmstrang students that shared the girl's dorm woke at once. Why?
Because Maria screamed. So loud that she woke herself and sat bolt upright as that scream gave way to a struggling gasp for breath. Her heart beat painfully fast and hard in her chest as she let out another shuddered gasp. There was a whisper from one of the neighboring beds, the girl wanting to know if Maria was alright. Instead of answering she just pulled her knees up to her chest under the bed sheets and pressed her clenched hands against her forehead and let out another struggled breath...
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 9, 2017 12:14:37 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2017 12:14:37 GMT -7
Viola didn’t often dream. It was just a fact. They thought it had something to do with the fact that they didn’t really care enough about the world to ponder it while they were asleep. Dreams were rare, but nightmares were even rarer. Viola had had exactly three nightmares in their life: once after their mother had left, once after coming out to their father, and once after their girlfriend had nearly burned them alive. Viola hated that Maria had appeared in their nightmares, because they knew that however scared they had been at the moment, Maria had been even more afraid. They hated being afraid of their girlfriend, even subconsciously. Ever since that nightmare (the literal one, not the figurative one), Viola had gone to sleep just the slightest bit afraid that they’d see Maria in their dreams, and not in the cute, lovey-dovey way. When they jerked out of sleep in the middle of the night, Viola was momentarily afraid that that was the reason why. After assessing the situation, though, Viola realized that their heart wasn’t beating out of their chest the way it did that one time, and everyone else was awake, too. Viola took a deep breath, trying to search through their foggy brain for the reason why they were all awake. A scream. It didn’t take Viola longer than a second to realize that the scream had come from Maria, who was now gasping for breath. One of the other girls asked if Maria was alright, and that was when Viola finally snapped into action. “Of course she’s not alright.” They hissed. “If you all want to be useful, you can leave.” Exiling all of their roommates in the middle of the night wasn’t something that Viola would normally do, but they had long since resigned themselves to the fact that Maria made them do things that they would otherwise consider absurd. They also didn’t get the chance to be the protective partner often, so the chance to keep Maria’s weakest moments away from prying eyes sent a shot of adrenaline through Viola’s system, waking them up when they’d otherwise be exhausted. To Viola’s surprise, the rest of their dormitory began shuffling out, bleary-eyed but obviously not wanting to face Viola’s wrath. They might not have been able to shoot fireballs, but Viola saw too much, and that made them dangerous. Now that the place was quiet (apart from the mutterings of their roommates just outside the door), Viola made their way over to Maria’s bed, sitting down on the edge of it gingerly. “Maria?” They asked quietly. “It’s me. Viola.” They felt silly proclaiming themself like that, but they weren’t sure how much of the world Maria was actually receiving and processing. “Tell me how I can help.” Last time, it had been telling Maria they loved her, but Viola didn’t want to immediately jump into that unless it was what Maria really needed.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 9, 2017 13:47:14 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2017 13:47:14 GMT -7
Maria heard the murmuring and grit her teeth. She hated this. Letting all of her roommates see her in such a state. She hated feeling so weak, absolutely at the mercy of her fears and unable to do anything about it. She wanted to snap out, to tell them all to shut up. But then Viola beat her to it. Kicking out their roommates for the moment. Maria didn't move, just letting out another breath as the bed shifted under Viola's weight.
Their voice was quiet, as if calling out to Maria to try and pull her back to reality. She was already there, just simply not responding yet. She did move though. To use those clenched fists to hit herself in the forehead, as if to expel the images from her mind. "Its fine, Vi." she forced herself to answer as she lowered her hands from her face. She wasn't fine. She didn't know how long it would be until she was, but right now wasn't that time.
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 10, 2017 11:54:25 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 11:54:25 GMT -7
Viola wanted to shudder when they saw Maria hitting herself in the head, as if trying to force herself to focus on what was really in the room instead of whatever was in her head. But they didn’t shudder, because they didn’t want Maria to think that they thought she was weird, or that they were afraid, or that they were anything other than there for her, one hundred percent. Maria insisted that it was fine, and Viola didn’t bother holding back their reaction to that, scoffing outwardly at that. “Bull, Maria.” They said simply, if their scoff hadn’t already shown that they weren’t buying what Maria was trying to sell. “You don’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming because everything is fine.” They both knew that Maria was only pretending to be okay, but the problem was that Viola didn’t know how to make her actually okay, and chances were Maria wasn’t entirely sure, either. Viola extended their hand towards Maria, laying it gingerly on their girlfriend’s shoulder. "Let me help you, Maria.” They said quietly. Maria had already changed their life in so many strange, unimaginable ways, and all Viola wanted to do was repay that favor in whatever way possible.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 10, 2017 14:44:33 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 14:44:33 GMT -7
Viola's scoff made Maria frown just slightly. Not at the fact that they didn't believe her. But that she was seen through so easily. As they went on and explained how you didn't wake up screaming when everything was fine. Maria had never had nightmares before. Rarely dreamed, at least what she could remember. She'd always been such a sound sleeper before. How could those hallucinations affect her so much to basically affect every aspect of her life? Incuding her ability to sleep.
Maria finally looked at her partner, remnants of the fear from her nightmare still in her eyes. "I hate this, Viola. I can't even sleep most nights. I hate feeling so powerless." Maria was strong. Maria was strong. Always had been. How could these nightmares break her so easily?
Viola hand bow rested on her shoulder and they were almost pleading for Maria to let them help her. But how? How could anyone really help this? With out saying a word she scooted over in the bed, making room for Viola next to her and reaching out to take Viola's free hand in her own. "Stay with me for a bit?" she quietly asked, her eyes pleading. Maria had shared a bed with many people. But this was a far different type of sharing.
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 10, 2017 15:00:54 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 15:00:54 GMT -7
Viola tensed slightly when Maria looked at them. She was afraid. That made two of them, but of course Viola was going to shove their fear aside in favor of letting their girlfriend fear. Viola was still adept at ignoring their emotions after spending seventeen years doing it – Maria had made them feel, but that didn’t mean they didn’t remember how not to feel. “Giving up control is scary.” They agreed. A part of them wanted to make an innuendo about Maria giving up control in a different way, but that hardly seemed appropriate, especially since their disgruntled roommates still were waiting outside of the door waiting to be allowed back in.
Maria was silent when she moved over in the bed, but Viola didn’t need words to take the invitation, moving into the space that Maria had made without hesitation. Maria asked them to stay, and Viola nodded once, firmly. They leaned over and placed a feather soft kiss on Maria’s cheek. “For you? Anything.” Holding Maria had become one of Viola’s favorite pastimes, not that they would admit as much, so getting to spend some time next to her, in bed, was nice. And definitely different from what Viola expected from their first time in Maria’s bed. Viola squeezed Maria’s hand. “We’re going to find a way to fix this, so you can go back to dreaming about me.” Viola said, teasing slightly to try to lighten the mood.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 10, 2017 15:39:52 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 15:39:52 GMT -7
Giving up control wasn't easy. Or even desired. Especially not in this way. None the less Maria let out a slow breath. It was because of lost control that Viola had gotten burned that first time. "It wouldn't be hard or terrifying if I didn't have to worry about others getting hurt."
Viola didn't need to be told twice. As soon as they'd joined her on the bed she out a sigh and lay back down on the bed, curling up right up against Viola. Their little tease made her smile just a little. "Why would I need to dream about you when I have the real you?" she asnswered softly.
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 10, 2017 15:53:57 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 15:53:57 GMT -7
Viola nodded when Maria said that it was harder to lose control because of her fire powers, and the potential that someone else could – and likely would – get hurt if she slipped again. “We can just make the entire school start taking fire resistance potions.” Viola said, nudging Maria slightly with a smile on their face. The solution was ridiculous, but Viola wanted their girlfriend to know that they were never, ever going to try to change her, or make her feel bad about her powers. Maria had never asked to be given Veela fire, and she had never asked to lose control, and it frustrated Viola to no end that this series of unfortunate events had led Maria to such a dark place.
When Maria lay down on the bed, Viola followed her, snaking one arm around Maria’s waist as the pair curled up together. Maria asked why she’d need to dream about Viola when the real person was already there, and Viola closed their eyes for a moment while they conjured up an answer that didn’t involve showing their worries about their relationship with their girlfriend. “I think you’d have an easier time controlling that one.” Viola told her. That was one of the things that Viola did worry about – if Maria liked that they refused to be bossed around, or if she really would prefer a partner that would just bend to her every whim.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 11, 2017 19:03:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 19:03:39 GMT -7
Maria smiled just a little at that absurd suggestion of fire proofing the school. "At the very least you." Was now a good time to admit that Maria had been keeping a fire proof potion in her bag since being released from the hospital wing? Probably not. Viola didn't need to know that Maria was that worried it'd happen again.
The room was silent for the briefest of moments as they both settled comfortably in Maria's bed. This sort of physical contact was intensely comforting to Maria, to no surprise. Her strongest 'love language' was physical contact, so simply holding someone and being held was one of the best things for her right now. The suggestion of being able to control dream Viola made Maria chuckled softly and nuzzle her nose against Viola's shoulder. "You wouldn't be Viola if you let people control you." Would she like having a more obedient partner? Her immediate answer would be yes. But Maria had learned to like Viola's dominating personality. She'd learned that things didn't have to be her way.
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 11, 2017 19:19:14 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 19:19:14 GMT -7
Viola was glad to see Maria smiling. They had been worried that their joke was pushing things a little too far, but Maria wasn’t freaking out, so it must have been fine. “My birthday’s in May, you know. Fire-resistant robes would make a great birthday present.” They said. There had to be something like that on the market somewhere, for dragonologists or something. Even if Maria never did go wrong in the head again, the robes would make for a great party trick – walking through fire without getting burned was apparently cool in the eyes of some.
Maria nuzzled closer to them, and Viola reached over to push a curl of Maria’s hair behind her ear absently. They knew that now the situation was more or less under control they ought to summon their roommates back into their beds so they would be able to have a good night’s rest, but honestly, they couldn’t be bothered to. Maria commented that Viola wouldn’t be themself if they let other people control them, and the Durmstrang student made a soft noise in the back of their throat, neither a confirmation nor a denial. “Doesn’t mean that people wouldn’t like me better that way.” Viola was an acquired taste, that much was certain. The problem with caring about what Maria thought was that Viola’s care was beginning to extend beyond just their girlfriend, and that made being an acquired taste kind of suckish.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 11, 2017 19:31:25 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 19:31:25 GMT -7
Well, fireproof robes was definitely an options. "I'll keep that in mind." she answered quietly. While it was meant as a joke Maria was actually considering it. Why not stock up on supplies to help prevent people from getting hurt? She should have considered it before.
Maria closed her eyes and let out a deep breath as she felt Viola's hand in her hair. It felt nice, just being here like this with Viola. Comforting. Even though her heart was still beating hard and fast it was definitely calmed down a little since she initially woke up. "I wouldn't. I like you exactly the way you are." she murmured under her breath as she wrapped an arm around Viola torso and absentmindedly traced circles with her fingers into their side.
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 12, 2017 9:53:59 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2017 9:53:59 GMT -7
Viola smiled a little when Maria said that she liked them just the way they were. One would figure that they would know that, since Maria was their girlfriend, but it was always good to be reminded of those things. “Guess it’s a good thing you’re the only one that matters, then.” They said quietly. No matter how much they ended up caring about what other people thought, Viola was certain that they would always care about Maria the most. Then, because they were curious (and perhaps a little masochistic), Viola decided to press the issue. “Do you dream about me, my Maria?” They already had the perfect answer in mind if Maria decided to turn to the question back on them, but there was something oddly thrilling about thinking about their girlfriend dreaming about them. Truth be told, Maria probably spent most of her nights not thinking of Viola at all, because she had various other lovers to warm her. The thought made Viola squirm a little in the bed, but eventually they settled again. They didn’t need to have Maria’s body. Even if she would never say it, they knew they had her heart.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 26, 2017 7:40:08 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2017 7:40:08 GMT -7
Maria would have missed that quiet comment if she hadn't been so close to Viola. It made her still, though she'd already been quite still. It was unusual. Maria wanted to be that important to someone. But at the same time it was also so close to... well love that it made her nervous. But the more time she spent with Viola the less terrifying it all seemed to become. Unwilling to admit that aloud though she lifted her head from the pillow and planted a delicate kiss on Viola's cheek.
She'd just settled back down when Viola posed that question and Maria had to think. Her heart was still racing painfully fast in her chest but it was slowing, relaxing. And topics different then her nightmare helped. "I never used to dream." she started to explain quietly, pausing momentarily when she felt Viola shifting a bit and only continuing once Viola settled. "Now when I do it's always nightmares. You haven't been in any." No, She didn't dream of Viola. But in some way it was better. Because her thoughts couldn't demonize Viola. Couldn't turn Viola against her in her dreams.
@viola
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jun 27, 2017 14:14:05 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2017 14:14:05 GMT -7
Viola listened to the silence for a moment, wondering if their question about dreams had accidentally brought up something that Maria didn’t want to think about. Their girlfriend said that she never used to dream, and Viola nodded. They knew that feeling, since their own lack of dreams was something that had often been talked about during their childhood. (It became kind of sadly symbolic when Viola realized that in addition to having no literal dreams, they also had few figurative dreams, as in aspirations for what they wanted to be when they got older.) Maria explained that she only had nightmares, and Viola leaned their head to press their forehead against Maria’s. Nightmares were horrible, awful things. When Maria said that Viola hadn’t been in any of her nightmares, their heart skipped a beat. “You haven’t been in any of my nightmares, either.” Viola replied smoothly. They hated lying, and they hated liars, but they hated even more the idea of what would happen if the one they loved knew that they had nightmares about them. That wasn’t fair to either of them. “I don’t dream, either, so you also haven’t been in any of those.” Viola added, to answer an unasked question.
@maria
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last online May 11, 2024 8:54:45 GMT -7
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Jul 4, 2017 16:30:13 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2017 16:30:13 GMT -7
For some reason Maria doubted Viola's comment. Not because they sounded like they were lying but simply because... well it would surprise her. Considering how badly she'd burned Viola. Maria was having nightmares about those days, why wouldn't Viola have nightmares too? It wouldn't have bothered her though. Maria wasn't really into that whole dream hocus pocus nonsense.
So, rather than dwell on the topic she lifted the hand from Viola's hip and pressed her palm against their cheek, her thumb gently stroking the skin while Maria turned her head to firmly press a kiss against Viola's opposite cheek. When in doubt, Maria always seemed to kiss. It was natural instinct. After which she nestled back up against Viola and let out a slow breath as her eyes closed. "Do you think they'll ever stop..?" she whispered.
@viola
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