Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Cara)

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Kinsey was sitting in one of the window seats in the Ravenclaw Common Room, taking a small break. She loved studying and reading, she truly did. She spent most of her time in books, whether or not it was for school. However, when Scuttle came flying up to her window and tapped on it with his beak, she couldn't study anymore. Of course, she let him in the window and he perched right next to her on the windowseat. Kinsey stroked his feathers gently, staring out the window across the grounds. Scuttle didn't have any notes for her, but Kinsey didn't mind. She liked it when he visited her. In fact, she always gave him treats when he did so he wouldn't stop. She reached into a pocket of her bag and pulled out a treat, giving it to Scuttle, who squawked cheerfully. She smiled as she continued what she was doing.

cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@kinsey

Apparently everyone had the same idea these days when it came to studying in the library. Except Cara was extremely hesitant about calling anything that was going on in there studying. That action was sacred and reserved for those that actually cared about their education. Some of the idiots in there probably didn’t know their right from left if they were asked to indicate which was which. Hadn’t their parents ever taught them not to run around and yell indoors, let alone in a library? Ignorance of what a library was wasn’t allowed either, since they weren’t unique to muggles. She knew a thing or two about muggles and wasn’t afraid to call them out when they tried to wiggle away from her criticism.

With the library leading to absolutely nothing being done, Cara made her way back up to the common room. At least her housemates were probably taking their work a little more seriously. Nothing aggravated her more than stupidity about studying and work. They were at a magical school for a reason, why not use it for all it had to offer? She couldn’t understand any other thought process other than that one. Stomping through the door to the common room after answering an extremely simple riddle (one that even the dullest of Gryffindors should have hopefully gotten), Cara was somewhat relived to see that the common room was almost completely void of life. Almost empty because the only other living soul in there was Kinsey, and it looked like she was slacking off and playing with her owl instead. Cara bit down on her tongue as she tossed her bag onto one of the tables, instead clearing her throat to get her sister’s attention. She was somewhat interested in what her sister was doing that was so important that an owl took precedent over studying.

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Kinsey noticed when someone walked in the room, but she didn't turn to look at them. She didn't want to look and see, but the atmosphere was different. It wasn't bad, per say, but it wasn't really positive either. Great. At least she knew someone wasn't going to just attack her. Not that she ever really expected that. She heard the person clear their throat and Kinsey took a deep breath before turning around. She should have expected it to be Cara. She lifted an eyebrow at her sister, whose gaze was clearly disapproving. This was definitely going to be fun ... not. "Can I help you?" she asked, trying to keep her tone even and calm. 

cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@kinsey

Cara wasn’t granted Kinsey’s attention immediately upon entering the common room, and that kind of upset her slightly. She never made it a habit of commanding attention, but she did like being acknowledged from time to time. Seeing as they were the only two in the room, now would have been the perfect time for it. Apparently playing with the owl was more important than talking to her older sister. That didn’t exactly go over well in Cara’s head. The middle Bainbridge finally turned her head towards Cara though, and the older girl could tell that this wasn’t going to go over well. She knew constantly challenging her siblings would lead to backlash eventually, and Kinsey was the most likely one to give it back too. Everyone said they were relatively similar in terms of study habits and the necessity to achieve, but taking one look at her sister right now and Cara would disagree fully with that. If Kinsey was serious…well, she wouldn’t be screwing around.

Finally, Kinsey responded. Cara’s body stiffened up as she readjusted herself and stood up a little straighter. Was she trying to get on her nerves? There wasn’t malice in her words, but the sentence said it all. “Am I interrupting something?” She responded, just as calmly and even as her sister had been. It frustrated her when this happened. It was like she was being treated as an intruder. The last she checked, the common room was free space for everyone in Ravenclaw to use. “Just figured you wouldn’t be wasting your time with that, with the end of the year coming up,” Cara shrugged as she took a seat at the table she had previously threw her bag on. “That’s all.”

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That … probably hadn’t been the smartest way for Kinsey to react toward her older sister, but she was tired of it all. Tired of Cara acting like she was the boss of everything and like everyone else should just give in to her with her air of superiority. It was maddening and Kinsey wasn’t going to follow along anymore. Not that she’d ever been great at following along in the first place. She and Cara got into their fair share of arguments. Honestly, it probably would have been best if Kinsey went to a house that her older sister wasn’t in, but at the same time she really felt like she belonged here. She fit in. For some ridiculous reason (though it was quite obvious, even though Kins was in denial about it), so did Cara.

Kinsey watched as Cara stiffened and her posture became more defensive. She braced herself, ready for the onslaught. At her sister’s question, Kinsey took about half a second to think and then nodded. “Yes,” she answered simply, turning back to Scuttle and stroking the bird gently, picking up the treat he dropped and waving it in front of his eyes. If Cara wanted to be snooty about Kinsey’s response when she was the one who coughed (basically demanding attention) when she’d entered the room, then so be it. Kinsey wasn’t going to bow down to her.

It was a good thing that Kinsey wasn’t facing her sister when she spoke once more, because Kinsey didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing her physical response to the taunt. Her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed, but she kept her voice light, still waving Scuttle's treat in front of him. “I guess that’s the difference between you and me, Cara. I’m confident enough in my abilities and my studying habits that I can take breaks and enjoy myself without needing to worry about the end of the year. Good luck with your studying though. I hope it helps.” Like before, Kinsey knew this was a mistake. She shouldn’t taunt her sister, but she couldn’t take that attitude for a moment longer. She tried to focus on Scuttle, let him calm her down, but her entire body was tense as she waited to see what her sister would do now.

cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@kinsey

The defiant ‘yes’ from Kinsey was the last thing that Cara had wanted to hear come out of her sister’s mouth. Why was she so difficult all the time? She didn’t ask for much, and the reason she bossed them around as much as she did was because it was for their own good. Keeping them in line and on top of their studies would be beneficial for their futures. How they couldn’t see that was beyond her. It was as plain as day. That fact alone got Cara fuming on a day to day basis. Today was something far greater than that though. Kinsey actually had the gall to talk back and turn away, as if Cara’s opinion on the subject didn’t matter. Sure, feeding her bird and spending time with it was important, but not to the point she was taking it right now. When school work needed to be done, it needed to be done. She didn’t sit down and play her ukulele or write stories if there was work to be finished. That was stupid and irresponsible. Kinsey was better than that, and they both knew it.

Cara was willing to let that one go though, since she was already situated at the table and getting her materials out. If her sister was going to neglect what was important, then so be it. She had tried long enough to get her to conform, and if she wanted to give up now, Cara was going to let her. All she managed to do was pull out one book from her bag before Kinsey responded though. And if it could get any worse than it already was, then this was it. It took everything to keep her from yelling back immediately. Confident in her abilities? What kind of nonsense was that? Kinsey knew damn well that the reason she studied so much was because she actually cared about it. That was the only logical reason to study in the first place. If she wasn’t confident in her abilities, then she would have been placed into a different house. That much should have been obvious from the get go. “Excuse me?” She finally growled back. “You think I do all this because I’m afraid of failing?” The word itself was enough of a trigger to piss her off more. Of course she was afraid of failing, wasn’t everyone? Even though not everything came to her right away, working hard at it and committing herself to learning easily overcame those hurdles. She didn’t need to be top of the class, but she was still up there. “And when was the last time you cared about being with the rest of us? All you ever do is run off and pretend like we don’t exist.”

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What, no retort? No “how dare you turn your back on me” or something of the kind? Kinsey was surprised and pleased by that fact. Maybe this wouldn’t turn into yet another battle between her and her sister. Cara seemed pretty intent on her studying. At least, it sounded like she was getting out her books and parchment and such. Hopefully that meant it was over. Nope.

She didn’t meant to actually say it. Kinsey even bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes, but the words slipped out all the same. “You’re excused,” she muttered, definitely loud enough that Cara could hear it. Also soft enough that she could pretend she didn’t, if she didn’t want to respond. Either way, if Cara did hear her, she would definitely become more infuriated than she already was. Kinsey turned around and rolled her eyes at her sister, deciding she might as well face this head on since it was definitely happening. As long as she was aggravating Cara, she would let it all out and hold nothing back, though she was careful to keep her voice at a normal volume and tried to keep it relatively calm. “I don’t know why you do all “this” as you put it,” she used her fingers to make quotation marks in the air as she spoke. “And quite frankly, I don’t care. What I do care about is you pushing me and everyone else you boss around to be just like you. If you do push yourself so hard to make it so you don’t fail, great. I hope you succeed and that makes you happy, but stop trying to force me to do everything your way. I’ll waste my time when I want and study when I want. That’s my choice, and if I fail, that’s my choice too.” Kinsey was doing a great job at upsetting her sister, which definitely wasn’t a good thing. They both knew one another well enough to know exactly which buttons they should push, and that was dangerous. Kinsey’s attitude darkened at her sister’s next jab. She looked up at the ceiling right above Cara’s head- better to keep her in sight right now- and tilted her head to the side, lifting her right hand to her chin to make it look like she really had to think about this one. Then she straightened her head and looked Cara right in the eyes as he hand fell to her side, her expression deadly serious. “Us? Who is us, Cara? Are you talking about our family or our house or something else entirely? Either way, why would I care about being with the rest of you? So I can see how great it is to be you and pretend like I fit in there? We all know I don’t, so why pretend, especially when no one wants me there to start with. That’s just a waste of my time, which is precious- as you’ve already pointed out. Better to run off on my own than pretend to be something I’m not.” Kinsey held her ground, watching her sister carefully. She didn’t know what to expect, but she did know that now was not the time to turn away, despite the fact that this topic was hitting way closer to home than she wanted it to. She was alone. It was something that Kinsey was used to by now, but also something that bothered her. Couldn't someone other than her beloved brother understand her? Apparently not.

cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@kinsey

What the hell was going on? That was exactly what Cara wanted to question her sister about. She thought the smartass response before was bad enough, but apparently Kinsey wasn’t done yet. And they wondered why Cara always told them what to do. It was to keep them in line and working order so that they didn’t turn out like this. All she ever wanted was for them to understand and realize their potential with a little nudge now and again from her. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? Kinsey seemed to have had enough of it though, and while Cara desperately wanted to let it all go and turn a blind eye to it, she couldn’t figure out how to do that. Frustration had already kicked in from the first retort and now it was only being amplified by the second one and the snide comment about her study habits. Cara could only take so much before eventually snapping back. That tipping point was finally starting to boil over, and she knew she was going to regret it once it happened. But stopping the inevitable was also like jumping in front of a train and expecting it to break before squishing you. If they were going to do this, now was better than later. They had the entire common room to themselves, the only unlucky souls were going to be the ones that walked in or were stuck inside the dorm rooms listening to it go down.

Kinsey kept going though, and Cara was willing to let her get through her entire spiel before laying it all back onto her. That was only fair, wasn’t it? Since they were going to get everything out into the open, it was better to be as reasonable about it until reason had no hold anymore. Unfortunately Cara could feel the annoying twitch in her temple indicating that she was starting to get upset. If Kinsey managed to get through everything, she would be lucky. Once she finished though? Well, Cara wasn’t sure if she would want to be in her sister’s position. She wanted to yell back at her, despite the calm and even tempered claims that she was making as if they were actually facts. She didn’t want anyone to be like her, just to do their best like her. Cara wasn’t sure how many times she would have to say that for Kinsey to get it through her head; at the moment, it was sounding like it would be unsuccessful no matter how hard she tried.

Then it was onto the family bit. This ought to be good. It was the same old thing again, assuming that Cara wanted everyone to be like her. All she managed to do was roll her eyes at it, knowing full well that those weren’t her intentions in the slightest. Someone was letting their emotions get the better of her, and it was clearly clouding her judgement. Maybe if she had listened now and again to Cara’s words of wisdom, she would understand exactly what the older Bainbridge was trying to tell them all the time. It didn’t take a genius to figure all that out. Kinsey was far smarter than what she was currently crediting herself with too. She was a Ravenclaw, fat chance that she would waste her time doing other things when learning was that much more important.

“That’s it? Ever think that you don’t ‘fit in’ because of your own shortcomings, Kinsey?” Cara snapped back, trying to keep herself from standing up from her chair. “Because all I heard were excuses, and you’re trying to pin all the blame on me. All I want is the best for you.” Great. That wasn’t what she had wanted to say. That was an open admission that she purposely pushed them for a reason. Not that they didn’t all know that already, but now she had said it loud and clear. It only served to anger her more, and she continued, “And playing the martyr always wins, doesn’t it? Unbelievable. If you don’t want to be here, then go,” Cara waved her hand to the side as she turned her attention back to her book. “Go on. Since you’re done pretending to be my sister there’s no reason to stay. Neither of us want to waste our time on something that isn’t important, right?”

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Cara was obviously upset but that was only to be expected. After all, Kinsey provoked her knowingly. Still, she was surprised a little bit by the fierceness of her sister's response. Still, Kinsey wasn't going to let Cara think she'd won or get away with bossing her around ... again. She glared at her older sister. "I know exactly why I don't fit in with specific people, so I don't need a lecture from you on it. I know I'm not perfect, but this" she gestured to the two of them, "this takes two people and you're just as big a part of it as I am. If you're so intent on my not playing the blaming game, you'd better make sure you're not doing it either."

Oh, really? Now Cara was getting all self-righteous, saying that everything she did was trying to do what was best for them. Ugh. Kinsey knew that she meant it that way, she didn't really intend to be so controlling, but she still did it and that drove Kinsey crazy. "No, all you want is for me to do things your way. Guess what, sis. The world doesn't work like that. Everyone does things differently and has their own style. I am not the only Ravenclaw who takes breaks in the middle of studying- it's not a bad thing, just a personal preference and I don't see how it has anything to do with you. My work is mine and I take full responsibility for it. I don't need you to tell me what to do." She didn't expect Cara to register that. She always seemed to ignore everything Kinsey said anyway.

Kinsey ignored her sister's jibe about being a martyr. That wasn't even worth the effort to retort to it. "I don't have to go just because you say, Cara. It's my common room too." Kinsey said, lifting an eyebrow. She glanced at the window seat behind her. Scuttle was still eating his treat, but beside him she had papers and books sprawled all over the seat. "All my things are here, ready for me to study when I choose. Nah, I think I'll stay. You do whatever you want though." She sat back down and picked up the treat. It was much smaller now and once it was gone, Scuttle would probably leave. Then she'd study ... unless Cara was still here. She had no intention of doing what Cara said to in front of her, which meant she wouldn't study in front of her sister.

cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@kinsey

She absolutely did not like the glare that Kinsey was giving her as she talked. It was unnecessary, really. If they were stating the obvious here, then there was no reason to get so agitated by it all. Pointing that out to her sister wouldn’t be the best choice here though, seeing as she had snapped back quite a few times and gotten heated about it as well. Not her fault that Kinsey was being an idiot about it. All she wanted was for her siblings to do well. “I’m not playing the blame game. I agree that you have flaws, but they’re all of your own volition.” Cara was starting to wonder if she needed to rephrase it so Kinsey could understand it better. Put it in layman terms or something. She didn’t think that was necessary, but sometimes these children weren’t the brightest. Although they were in Ravenclaw and she held her housemates to higher standards than the rest of Hogwarts, and certainly Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, some of them were simply dolts. She could spend hours detailing every little problem with each and every one of them. They could do better. “Maybe try getting over yourself and stop having everyone try to pity you for a change. I don’t anymore, and it’s kind of nice actually,” she shrugged. Was that too harsh? Probably. But they were at the point where that didn’t matter anymore.

“It’s not my way. It’s a way to get you to where you’ll be better off. Doesn’t mean you have to give up your individuality or whatever the hell you’re scared of losing. You have that locked down already,” she rolled her eyes, thinking of the conversation they had just finished. “I don’t need another clone anyways. One is good enough as it is.” Maybe things would have been better if their parents just stopped after the twins. Or maybe the problems were because of the triplets. She would never know. Clearly all the problems stemmed from the family being large. That had to mean they were environmental then, and not all her fault. It was easier to say what she wanted that way, since then there was something to blame for it all. After listening to Kinsey say that she was going to stay, Cara shook her head a few times, biting her tongue and gritting her teeth as she tried to return to her book. She couldn’t even get through one page before feeling the need to retort. “Do whatever then. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, since that’s what you want.” She couldn’t believe those words were coming from her mouth. Kinsey wasn’t going to capitulate, so giving her what she wanted was all Cara could do. Her sister was a lost cause at this point. Eventually she would understand what Cara was trying to say, but there was no reason to continue it today. Her loss. It was frustrating, but the Ravenclaw could deal with one less person under her. Couldn’t win them all.

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This was getting tiring. Kinsey already knew that it didn't matter what she said or did, Cara would never understand what she was trying to say. That was the thing about Cara. She always put it on someone else, even though she said she wasn't playing the blame game. Cara had no problem finding the flaws in other people, but refused to even acknowledge her flaws, the main one being her obsession with control and bossing others around. Kinsey was trying to help her realize that or take note of it, but she was beginning to think that was impossible. Her sister was blind in that way. Kinsey rolled her eyes, refusing to comment on her sister talking about her flaws. She didn't need Cara to lecture her on what she needed to work on. Kinsey was good enough at figuring that out on her own. Her eyebrows lifted when Cara said that she should get over herself and stop trying to get others to pity her. "I have never tried to get anyone to pity me, least of all you. So I'm glad you got over it, because I don't need your pity. I'm doing just fine." Really though, what in the world would Cara pity about her? The fact that she didn't have a twin? Or because of her ability? It was annoying to think that Cara used to pity her at all, a little more annoying to realize that she hadn't noticed.

She shook her head at her sister's defense. It wasn't a very good one, but Kinsey wasn't in the mood to argue anymore. The fire was out of her and she was done. "Everyone has their own way of doing things, Sis. It doesn't mean that one way is better than another or that another way is worse. We all just have to find the way that works for us." The next thing she knew, Cara was telling her to do whatever she wanted and focusing on her book. A part of Kinsey wanted to leave just to get away from her sister, but she wasn't going to let Cara think that she was giving in to her. So she turned back to her bird, ignoring her sister as she cooed softly at it and took another treat out of her bag. She'd go back to her work when she wanted, but right now she was going to let Scuttle help her calm down. 

cara june bainbridge
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