Runaway [Jamie]

[lily luna potter]

@jamie

It happened again. He said it wouldn’t happen again. And it did. Lily knew that she couldn’t blame him for it though. His mother was in an accident, something that had resulted in a sort of screeching noise emitting itself from Lily’s mouth when she heard. Adrian’s mum was way too sweet and nice to deserve an accident of any sort. It wasn’t fair to her or Adrian. But he had to go, and despite Lily’s reluctance at first, she knew that it was for the best. She couldn’t hold him back. Normally she’d say that Adrian was lucky for that, her allowing him to run off and do his thing. But that was selfish. As selfish as she normally was, this was the one time where Lily Potter let someone else go first. And it hurt for a lot of reasons. First came that ‘what if’ scenarios, where she questioned him whether or not his mother was really in as bad of a condition as she apparently was. That was met with her realizing how insensitive and stupid the whole thing sounded in the first place. Only added to her typical selfishness. Turning that part of her off was difficult, but it was for Adrian, so she did her best.

The second part started right after the first, and upon her realization that there was no way to keep Adrian at Hogwarts. This plan was more Lily-esque, and it involved her running away with him to LA. She thought that was a pretty good one, and that it would help out a lot if there was someone else with him during all of it. One word summed it up perfectly though: idealistic. Tagging along to a different country and skipping school was a pipe dream. There were certain things that her parents were lax about, this was not one of them. Without a proper plan in place and with Adrian leaving, Lily did the one thing she had only contemplated once before. She gave up. She couldn’t go, and he couldn’t stay. Some things weren’t meant to be, and this was apparently one of them. They were lucky enough that he hadn’t left in December when he very well could have. The lease that bought them an extra few months had run out now, and there was no way to extend it any longer.

Adrian left, and so did a part of Lily.

A few days had passed since he left and now it was April 1st. Normally today was a great day, pulling pranks on everyone and getting away with it. This time it felt like the joke was on her, and that it was never going to end. Lily didn’t want any part of the plans that she had initially made, and instead she did everything but pull pranks. The seconds of gratification and the small laugh it would elicit would only exist right then and there. No more, no less. There had been mention of a semi-official pick-up Quidditch match, and Lily immediately signed up. Anything to take her mind off of it for a few hours worked. Except the excitement of the sign up didn’t last for longer than that, a few hours. Immediately she was back into her funk, wandering around aimlessly on the grounds. Eventually she found herself on the beach of the lake. There was no one else around, so she sat up against a fallen tree at the edge of the water, pulling her legs up to her head. At first, crying seemed to fix the problem, but her tear ducts were all dried up now apparently. Even if she wanted to, nothing would come from it. Adrian was gone.

[Deleted]

Adrian was gone.

Jamie didn’t know how she had expected to feel. When there was a chance that he was going to leave, she alternated between anger and sadness and fear and numbness. But now there was no room for fear, because it had already happened, which meant that there was nothing to be afraid of. That left anger, sadness, and numbness, and whenever she was angry, Jamie just felt horrible… which left her alternating between two emotions that were wholly unproductive for anything other than moping. Jamie was trying her best not to mope, but it was a fact of life that when your brother moved an ocean away, your life changed, and not always for the better. She was still trying to wrap her head around it. The fact that she only saw Adrian in passing made it even more difficult to believe, because she could almost convince herself that he was just walking through the corridors in a different pattern or skipping meals because he was working too much on his classwork. Almost was the key word there. Every time she thought she Adrian slipping around the corner ahead of her, Jamie had to remind herself that he wasn’t in Hogwarts, or even in the country. Every time, the thought felt like a ball of lead sinking through her stomach and into her toes.

The Hufflepuff knew that there were other people who were bound to be saddened by the situation, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to talk to her other siblings about Adrian. And Lily… Jamie had seen how bad it was when the thought was just a thought, and she was a little worried that by butting in, she wouldn’t allow the Gryffindor girl her pride and the time she needed to be okay. Eventually, Jamie had decided that waiting any longer was just going to hurt more than it would help, which led her on a search for the redhead. Tracing her way through the castle was harder than Jamie anticipated. Normally, when Lily was in the room, everyone noticed her. Now… not so much. Jamie’s search led her to the grounds, and Jamie took a deep breath. She would start with the lake, and then maybe check the Quidditch pitch… With a plan in mind, Jamie took off.

It turned out Lily was the first place that she checked, at the lakeside. Lily was curled up into a ball, and Jamie knew how she felt. The blonde opened her mouth, and then closed it. How had she ever thought she was good with people? Instead of saying anything to Lily, Jamie just sat down beside the redhead, slinging an arm carelessly around her shoulders and pulling her closer.

lily luna potter

[lily luna potter]

@jamie

Lily wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting at the lake. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? A lot of her time over the last few days had been like this. She’d close her eyes and time would drift by. She was pretty sure she slept at night, but that was up for debate. Laying down and attempting it only brought on thoughts and memories. The same kind of thing was happening right now even though she didn’t want it to. As she expected, no tears came. While they tended to make it easier to get the emotions out, they were also too exhausting. She couldn’t even decide which she preferred more at this point. If it was going to happen it happened. If not, oh well. It felt like she would never get to a point where she could move on, because that meant having to forget. Forgetting meant giving in and losing, and that was something she couldn’t bring herself to. Not just yet.

Thinking all of this over again and again, she didn’t even notice that someone had walked up and sat down next to her until they threw her arm around her and pulled her in. It only took seconds to notice that it was Jamie. Even though her head was consistently fuzzy, her werewolf senses told her that the Hufflepuff was there when it really mattered. Was it wrong that she hadn’t talked to Jamie about any of this yet? Was it selfish? Adrian was her brother after all. She was probably feeling similar things, whatever that was in the first place, because most of it was a cluster of things that Lily was still struggling to comprehend herself. All she knew was that the warmth Jamie was giving her right now was something she had been missing over the last few days. “Why?” Lily found herself whispering, still not moving from her curled up position. She wasn’t sure how Jamie would interpret that because she wasn’t even sure what kind of answer she was looking for. Anything worked. Anything to keep the thoughts subdued for a few minutes longer.

#LilyFor100

[Deleted]

Jamie was glad that Lily didn’t try to fight her embrace. She hadn’t expected the Gryffindor girl to put up a fuss, but then again, she hadn’t expected any of this to happen in the first place. It would have been funny, how sudden all of this felt despite the months of forewarning, if Jamie hadn’t felt so… wrung out. Lily asked a question that was only one word, and Jamie’s mind began to churn through all of the different possibilities. Why did Adrian’s mother have to get in an accident, and be hurt? Why did Adrian have to leave them to go be with her? Why did they both have to love him so much that his leaving hurt? Why did pain have to exist at all? In the wake of learning that Odette had lost her baby, the questions just weighed more and more heavily on Jamie’s mind. She wished that she understood the world, and she wished that she understood pain, but at the end of the day, she didn’t. She didn’t know anything about anything… except that, as with all things, the pain would have an end. That wasn’t going to be productive to mention, though, since they were both so deep inside their own heads and their own emotions that the words were just going to be words. Jamie let out a soft sigh. “I don’t know.” It served to answer most of the questions that Lily might have been asking, and Jamie hoped that it was enough of an answer. “But I will be here.” Jamie once again had to suppress thoughts of Odette, and what she had said to her elder sister. I will always be here. Family always comes first. She couldn’t fault Adrian, because he had applied those same two statements to his own life… just with more disastrous consequences for them.

lily luna potter

[lily luna potter]

@jamie

So Jamie didn’t know either. Lily didn’t know if that was helpful or not. On one hand, that meant that they were in the same boat. Neither of them could understand why Adrian would leave. On the other…she didn’t have time to think of the other one because Jamie said that she would be there for her. That was really all the Gryffindor needed to hear right now. A lot of people had already said that, and while there was meaning to it, there also wasn’t. Jamie understood what was going on. She was probably asking the same questions. Having at least that was slightly comforting. Lily was pretty sure no one else could do that right now. It seemed impossible. And maybe it would feel like that for a while. Maybe forever. But at least she had Jamie with her, and that was better than being alone. Lily nodded her head enough to show that she was acknowledging what the Hufflepuff had said, though maintained her trained gaze at the ground, her face still pinned between her knees. Making eye contact would only bring the tears, and she was tired of crying. Whenever she thought it was done with, more came. It wasn’t fair. Then again, no one ever told her this kind of thing would be easy. She had learned that a few months earlier. She figured Adrian would do better than that. It was just unavoidable this time. Letting out a strained sigh, Lily finally pulled her head from between her legs and slumped it against Jamie’s shoulder. She couldn’t think of any way to respond, but at the same time she was sure the silence said enough.

[Deleted]

Jamie saw the subtle up-and-down movement of Lily’s head, the only thing that showed that the redhead had heard the blonde. Jamie could understand why Lily wouldn’t want to speak, even to acknowledge that she had heard something somewhat important. Making any sort of noise was acknowledging that what was happening was real, and that was difficult to do. If she was honest, Jamie had only been able to process things with the speed that she did because there was so much else going on – so many other people who needed her to be strong. Jamie hadn’t ever imagined that she was going to be the one to be strong for her family. She was too soft and too emotional to think of herself as anything approaching strong, but here she was. Six months ago she had been crying because her sister had tried to kill herself and a week ago she had been crying because her other sister had lost a baby and today she was crying because her third sister was wrecked by her brother going away. There was going to be a day, Jamie hoped, when none of them had to cry any longer – when they could be together, and be happy. Lily moved her head from in between her legs to Jamie’s shoulder, and the Hufflepuff wrapped her arm around the Gryffindor’s waist. Nothing could heal their wounds except time, and Jamie was just fine sitting there, spending that time with Lily and waiting for everything to stop hurting.

lily luna potter
(le end)