|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 20, 2017 17:52:37 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2017 17:52:37 GMT -7
@imogen
Diana hated this. Hated how.... permanent everything felt. Ever since the incident with Adonia Diana had had a very, very hard time with her metamorphmagi powers. he didn't understand it. This had never happened to her before... And it was so frustrating. It made her irritable and antisocial, because she didn't feel like herself. That was part of the problem with being a Metamorphmagi. SHe might have a standard look, but some details about herself were unknown. What was her natural hair color? Her natural eye color? Her skin tone? She didn't know. She might keep it one way most the time, but losing her fluidity to change it. But even with the permanence of her appearance at the moment everything just felt... dull. Hell, she knew she was dull. Her eyes were more charcoal then brown, as was her hair, and her skin was almost ashen. Obviously something was wrong, but few asked why.
She tried on her own to bring her ability back for a week. Tried, and failed. She'd resorted to books after that, to try and find some sort of cure. No luck. Now, she was finally resorting to what felt like her last option. The Charms professor. They didn't exactly... get on that well, but part of that was Diana's fault. Diana's need to question anything and everything. But, there was one thing she and the professor shared in common. THey were both Metamorphmagi. If anyone knew how to bring back her power, it'd her the professor.
Classes had just gotten out for the day and Diana headed straight for the charms classroom, hoping to catch the professor before the woman left for who knew where. She was in luck, arriving just as the last straggler left the classroom. Slipping in, she glanced around to make sure no other students were left, before speaking up.
"Professor..? Do you have a few minutes..?" She wasn't sure how to really address the problem, or ask what she wanted to but letting the older woman know she wanted to talk privately would be a good start.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 23, 2017 11:42:07 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 11:42:07 GMT -7
It had been a long day. The students liked to think that they were the only ones suffering through N.E.W.T. revision, but if there was one thing Imogen had learned, it was that reviewing for a test was just as hard on the professor as it was on the students. Imogen didn’t want any of her students to fail, so making sure that they had every resource available to them was her prerogative. But compiling all of those resources, and making sure the students were aware of them, was difficult and time-consuming. And she still had to grade their practice exams in addition to doing all of her other duties as a professor, so Imogen was… stressed, to say the least. Her last class of the day had just let out, and Im was planning on retreating to her quarters so she could get some work done, and perhaps write a letter to Ophelia or to Mina. She was already standing up to leave when she realized that, though all of her students from the previous class had departed, there was still somebody in the room. A beat passed while Imogen took in the sight of Diana, who looked… wretched was probably the best word describe it. Everything about her was dull and ashen, like she had had the life drained out of her. Imogen pressed her lips together to keep the shock off of her face. Even if Diana was far from her favorite student, it was obvious there was something wrong, and no amount of tiredness could keep Imogen from wanting to help someone who was obviously in need of it. “Yes, I do.” Imogen said, pausing for a moment before settling back down at her desk, gesturing for Diana to come closer. “What do you need?” There were more delicate ways of approaching the issue, but Imogen wasn’t entirely sure that asking anything else would give her the information she needed to help.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 23, 2017 12:00:02 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 12:00:02 GMT -7
Diana wasn't really sure how Professor Zhu might respond or react. They didn't exactly get along. But that was mostly on Diana's part. She didn't get along with most her professors and even the ones she did were tested from time to time by her attitude. But, the woman didn't brush her request off or turn her away. Instead the older woman motioned for her to come closer and answered favorably.
Slowly she listened, approaching the professor's desk. But as the wuestion came up of what she needed.... Diana stopped walking and remained rooted to the ground. Her jaw locked for a moment as her gaze turned downward. She didn't want to talk to anyone about this. But Professor Zhu was bound to know how to fix it. So, letting out a breath through her nose she forced her jaw to relax and looked back up. "I can't change." she quietly answered. "I've tried, and tried and nothing works." should charcoal eyes were almost pleading, begging the woman to tell her some way to fix her power.
@imogen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 26, 2017 11:38:42 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2017 11:38:42 GMT -7
Imogen watched as Diana stepped forward, and wasn’t particularly surprised when the girl stopped upon being questioned. Someone asking what you needed was always a thorny question, because that meant you had to know what was wrong in the first place. Imogen waited patiently for Diana to figure out whatever it was she needed, and when the Ravenclaw looked up again, the professor was ready to meet her gaze. At the admission that Diana couldn’t change, Imogen clamped down on her urge to flinch. She, too, was unable to change forms, though that was undoubtedly for a different reason than Diana. “Sometimes we go through phases of our lives where our powers are out of our control.” Imogen informed the girl. “Stress or extreme emotion make it difficult to change.” Maybe Diana hadn’t experienced that before, since her gift seemed to feed off of emotion, but at the very least Imogen hoped the statement would get Diana thinking about what she had done lately that could have caused the shift in mood.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 27, 2017 11:18:41 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 11:18:41 GMT -7
Diana had never not been able to change her appearance. It was as natural as breathing, and just as fickle as the wind. Never constant. Fluid and naturally morphing. Nothing had ever happened to make her... stop though. Nothing had ever blocked her born abilities. And as the zprofessor explained what could cause it, her stomach sank. She almost looked a little green. itnwssnt her power though. It was that "I'm going to be sick" reaction most people had. She knew now what had caused her power to stop. Adonia. Elaine's plan. It wasn't stress, but the trauma and extreme emotion.
Diana looked down at the ground, taking a slow and deep breath in hopes it would help settle that sick feeling in her stomach. "How long..?" she whispered, desperation in her voice now for a favorable answer. How long would she be stuck like this? How long until it came back? Her lack of experience in traumas' affect on her powers made it impossible for her to know. She hoped it'd be quick. Hoped that she'd be back to normal soon.
Despite being a Metamorphmagus she was horribly naive on how people like her works. But to be fair, she'd never even spoken to another person like her about any of this.
@imogen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 27, 2017 17:04:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 17:04:19 GMT -7
Imogen continued to look at Diana appraisingly, trying to figure out what was and wasn’t appropriate for her to ask the younger woman. Maybe if they had had a positive relationship before this moment she wouldn’t be so hesitant to ask what was wrong, but it seemed like it would be even more of a violation for her to go probing into Diana’s personal life in search of what was wrong with the girl’s powers. The Ravenclaw asked how long, and Imogen shrugged helplessly. “That really depends on why your powers left in the first place.” The professor took a deep breath before plowing onwards. Even if she wasn’t comfortable asking Diana what was wrong in the Ravenclaw’s life, Imogen could share her own experience and hope that it gave some perspective. “My goddaughter died in February, and I haven’t been able to do more than change my hair color since, and even that only comes on good days.” There had only been two good days since that point – when she had gone to Club Indigo in hopes of meeting Mina and when she had been able to spend her entire day in her quarters, alone. Other than that, Imogen had been left with her default appearance – which, luckily, was not the way she had looked for the first fifteen years of her life. “Sometimes talking about it helps.” Imogen offered quietly.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 27, 2017 18:11:10 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 18:11:10 GMT -7
That wasn't the answer Diana wanted. It only made her stomach sink more. It was completely unhelpful, and didn't even really answer her question. Did it mean there was a chance it... It wouldn't come back at all? But as the Professor explained why her own powers were absent, Diana sunk into one of the chairs across from the professor's desk. Since February?! "Months...?!" She breathed in disbelief. She could be stuck like this for months?
At the mention of talking about it helping.... Diana looked up at the professor again, her charcoal eyes unreadable. That was the thing. She didn't want to talk about what happened. About why her powers were gone. But Professor Zhu was an experienced Metamorphmagus. She knew what would help. What would fix her. And she was broken. "I..." She stopped, realizing she couldn't meet her teacher's gaze as she tried to explain it. She looked down at her hands wringing them together nervously as she swallowed. "Something happened. With... With another student." She answered slowly and quietly. She didn't feel a need to explain what had happened because what exactly could happen between two students that would upset someone this up? "It wasn't.... consensual..." She added even quieter, hoping her teacher might not hear the part. It was the first time she'd admitted so directly that she hadn't been a willing participant.
@imogen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 27, 2017 19:16:09 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 19:16:09 GMT -7
Imogen nodded consolingly when Diana breathed out a disbelieving word about the length of time that she could be without her powers. She didn’t think it would be helpful to point out that people with even greater traumas could be left without their powers for years. Even if there were no reported cases, Imogen also wouldn’t be surprised if there were cases of Metamorphmagi permanently losing touch with their powers if they had multiple consecutive traumas.
Im continued to look at Diana as the Ravenclaw began her sentence, though it rapidly trailed off as she looked away. Imogen forced her own face to stay neutral, not wanting to show too much concern or fear or anything in case it influenced Diana’s decision to open up. Diana explained that something happened with another student, and Imogen nodded her head slightly, her mind rapidly churning through the data before she made the connection about what Diana must have been talking about. “Oh, Diana.” Imogen murmured when Diana continued on to say that her experience wasn’t exactly consensual. That was awful, and Imogen wished that she could do something to fix it. But she couldn’t change the past. “Honey, it’s going to take some time for you to process what happened.” Even if she worked through it mentally, there were a lot of tangled emotions that could result from what happened to Diana, and until those were fully realized, it was likely that the Ravenclaw wouldn’t be able to access her powers.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Oct 27, 2017 20:15:59 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 20:15:59 GMT -7
Diana swallowed hard, as if hoping she could bury all the bubbling emotions that were trying to resurface. She wanted them gone, in the past. She wanted to be past them so she could go back to waht was normal for her. The fluidity, and non-permanence... What was worse was she felt like she was stuck in the form that had been through the experience. She also didn't need that.... that pity. She need a way to fix it. Pity wouldn't do that. And hearing her Professor say she needed time to process what happened made her wring her hands even tighter together, actually flinching at how tight her grip was.
For some reason Professor Zhu didn't seemed to realize why this was such a big problem for her. Why she needed to get back to normal as soon as possible. "I can't wait that long." She murmured, finally looking back at the woman. "I hate this. I hate how.... how stuck this feels. It's wrong." Wrong. Not annoying or troublesome. It was absolutely wrong. "Nothing matches anymore..." How she felt. Her appearances used to always match how she felt, no matter how that was.
@imogen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Nov 2, 2017 14:54:32 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2017 14:54:32 GMT -7
There was another long silence, but Imogen was determined to let it hang in the air until Diana spoke. There was obviously something deeper that she wasn’t understanding, and if she just kept talking then she was never going to be able to listen. The silence was broken by Diana saying that she couldn’t wait that long, and Imogen bit her tongue. She didn’t want to tell Diana that it wasn’t really her choice how long she wanted to wait – her powers would come back when she had processed and she was ready. There was still more to be said, though, as Diana continued by complaining that she felt stuck, and wrong. That was… different. There was something more there to be discovered, and Imogen finally released her hold on her tongue so that she could ask a question. “Why do you think being stuck is so difficult for you?” Imogen asked. “That is, why does it bother you that you don’t match?” The professor wasn’t sure exactly what Diana was matching, but if it was a cause of distress then she was going to do her best to figure the issue out. It occurred to her that this might have been a job for the school counselor, but Diana hadn’t come to the counsellor – she’d come to Imogen, so the professor was doing her best.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Nov 2, 2017 15:46:02 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2017 15:46:02 GMT -7
Diana didn't look away from the professor as they spoke, as if trying to understand the question but failing. Because guess what? SHe didn't know why it was so difficult, or why it bothered her so much. She'd never really... stopped to think about it. She'd always just gone with the flow. When she felt different, she'd let her appearance change to match. But why she ever felt like things didn't match...
Diana looked down at her hands again, thinking hard on how she could answer the question in a way that made sense. Not just to the professor but to herself. Because she's certainly love to understand why she felt like this. "Sometimes I just.... feel different." She started to explain, despite realizing how vague that sounded. "It's not a mood or anything. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it lasts a day or two. But it doesn't really feel like..." Me? No, that wasn't right. It still felt like her. Just.. different. She shook her head, letting out a forced breath. "I don't know..." But the fact remained. She was feeling that way now, and so the fact that she couldn't adjust to match was almost suffocating. "Like being in someone else's skin." She finally, at last, managed to express why it was bothering her so much. IT wasn't just a little irritation. It was almost like being in the wrong body.
@imogen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Nov 6, 2017 14:57:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 14:57:40 GMT -7
Diana was continuing to struggle with answering the questions she asked, and Imogen wondered whether the questions were necessary, and if they were actually helping Diana with anything. If they weren’t going to be moving the girl in the right direction, then Imogen didn’t want to keep confusing her, but there was something in Imogen pushed her to keep thinking, keep asking, and most importantly, keep listening. Diana said that sometimes she felt different, and Imogen nodded, encouraging the Ravenclaw to continue. Diana explained that the differences weren’t moods, and Imogen nodded again – for all of her flaws, Diana seemed to be very in touch with her emotions, and she’d be able to recognize if it was just emotion making her feel strange. Imogen continued to ponder, but the next words that Diana said made everything fell into place.
Like being in someone else’s skin. Hadn’t Imogen spent the entirety of her fifth year feeling uncomfortable, like she was walking around in someone else’s body? She had changed her appearance to fit the body that she wished that she had been born into, and it made sense. There wasn’t an easy way to phrase her next question, so Imogen decided to be as straightforward as possible. “Diana, are you sure that you’re a girl?” Maybe it was wrong to project her own image onto someone else, but Imogen was almost hopeful that it was dysphoria that was making Diana feel the way she did, because then Im would know how to help.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Nov 6, 2017 22:52:50 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 22:52:50 GMT -7
“Diana, are you sure that you’re a girl?”
Those words were enough to make Diana's gaze shoot up from her hand strangulation and stare at her teacher with eyes wide as saucers. Shock. But the way her eyebrows were furrowed expressed deep confusion. Her immediate thought had been to ask what sort of question that was But a strong uncomfortable stirring in her chest stopped her. Almost as if the question had awoken something deep inside her and it'll as it stirred it murmured "finally". As if... relieved by the question.
But how did one answer that? Because now that Professor Kamuntu had mentioned it those strange feelings made just a little more sense. At least she realized that they were feelings of her identity. It didn't help explain what that identity was though.
Diana was silent for a very long time, her eyes returning to a normal size as she mulled over her thoughts like her life depended on it. And when she did, she surprised even herself. "Not... right now..." was her slow but truthful answer. But she didn't feel like a boy either. There were times when she did feel like a girl. But it wasn't a constant thing. It changed. And that was the confusing part. That's what made her feel so stuck. Because she didn't feel like a girl right now, and her body didn't match.
@imogen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Nov 18, 2017 20:56:11 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2017 20:56:11 GMT -7
Imogen’s first reaction was to assume that she made a mistake. The way that Diana was looking at her, with absolute shock written all over her face, made the professor think that Diana hadn’t ever considered the idea before, or at least not recently. That wasn’t a good sign – when Imogen had been questioning her gender, that seemed like the only thing she ever seemed to be able to think about, consuming her every waking hour, and some of her sleeping ones, too. Despite her original discomfort with the look, though, Imogen stood her ground. She didn’t want to make any assumptions and backpedal too soon when Diana needed to continue forward.
A silence stretched between the two of them, but for the first time since they had started talking, Imogen didn’t think that the silence was bad. Diana was contemplating, and that was what she really needed to figure out who she was. The Ravenclaw said that she wasn’t sure was a girl at that moment, and Imogen nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” She prompted gently. Without knowing more about the situation, she couldn’t suggest any word that might help Diana label herself and the way she felt about her gender. “This is a safe place.” Imogen reminded Diana, just in case there had been any fear of judgement. Imogen had always strived to make her classroom a place where everyone could be themselves, but this was the first real test of whether or not she succeeded in being accepting.
@diana
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
last online Apr 19, 2024 15:02:00 GMT -7
|
|
|
Nov 23, 2017 14:19:35 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2017 14:19:35 GMT -7
Diana had been so.... busy lately. Dealing with everything going on with Elaine. With trying not to lose herself in everything that she was being forced to do. Maybe... so busy that she hadn’t stopped to consider other things in her life. And when she finally couldn’t adapt to th changes she felt.. was when she realized that she did actually feel different at times.
Diana bit her lower lip, unsure what to say or where to even start. Did she want to talk about it? With this teacher who she’d never been close to. If this was professor Kamuntu, would it be easier? She didn’t know. But... she could help but trust the professor. ”I don’t know what I am.” she slowly started, being honest and open. ”Most the time... i feel female. But sometimes I don’t. I just... i change to how I feel. And it’s been fine. But now... now I hate it because now that I can’t change all I can think about is how wrong it is.” She’d never talked to anyone about this, nor had anyone talked to her about it.
@imogen
|
|
|
|