i'm spinning around in circles [winnie]

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Hogwarts graduation was a rather somber event, Xan thought as she sat in a section of the audience that was reserved for the other students. The situation with the Beauxbatons carriage and Durmstrang ship made it hard to really celebrate anything, though Xan was still trying her best to have a positive attitude about it all. Her godsister, Rose, was graduating, along with several of Hugo's cousins, and she really did want to celebrate all they had achieved by making it through their seven years of school - both academically and otherwise, since death was now a risk that came with attending Hogwarts. In addition to the deaths of the foreign students, though, something else was hanging heavy on Xan's heart. She had already spoken with the school's staff, and everyone was in agreement that in the past year, Xan had simply missed too much class to be able to advance to her seventh year. Next year, when her siblings and Hugo were graduating, Xan was still going to be where she was now - in the audience, a sixth year. She didn't know how to tell anyone that, though, because she was afraid that the pity she had been trying so hard to avoid would come back with a vengeance. Xan didn't mind being held back, not really - she minded what everyone else was going to think about it. Xan was avoiding her sister's gaze, even though Winnie was right beside her, as they waited for graduation to begin.

@winnie

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Honestly Winnie had been a little surprised that they were still having an actual graduation so soon, while she did get the fact that the seventh years deserved to have their graduation - with everything else that had happened with the visiting schools, she was surprised it was happening so soon and not being delayed. But, it was a more happy event which everyone had needed, even if things were still rather somber - everyone was still happy for those graduating, including several people who were important to Winnie and her family. Extended family and some friends, so she had come along to watch and was sticking close to her sister. Despite Xan now being well again, she was still worried and perhaps a little protective - but trying to not be over protective, she knew Xan could handle a lot herself - but no one could blame her for still being worried... she still had that memory stuck in her head of her sister being so ill and not being able to do anything, so.. no one could blame her - her sister included.

With everything that had happened she was a little on edge, but as she leaned back - ready to watch as the graduation began she had a thought that made her smile and gentle nudge her sister. "Hey Xan." Winnie murmured, leaning a little closer and playfully poking her sisters cheek, something was on her sisters mind - which wasn't too much of a surprise really, truth be told she'd be more surprised if there wasn't a lot going through Xan's head right now, "What's going on in that head of yours?" her hair fell across her face, making her reach up to brush it aside, fingers lingering on her glasses to adjust them - she hated the things but her headaches had been getting worse without them, "Are you thinking about how next year it'll probably be us up there?" Perhaps that was what was going on that had her sister so lost in thought.

@xanthippe

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Xan wasn’t sure whether there was actually some sort of triplet telepathy that allowed her sister to know when the Ravenclaw was thinking of her, but Winnie’s nudge came with impeccable timing, and the Ravenclaw startled a little at just how synchronized Winnie was with her thought. After calming back down, Xan scrunched her face up when her sister poked her cheek, making a fish face for a moment so there would be no cheek to poke. Winnie asked what was going on in her head, and Xan paused. She had kind of been hoping to talk to Winnie about the next year when they were at home and Winnie could have more time to process the fact that Xan wouldn’t be graduating with her, but her sister’s next question made it impossible, and Xan hadn’t thought of a good lie for what she was thinking about. Even if she had thought of a lie, the Ravenclaw hated not being able to tell her siblings the truth, and this time was no different. Xan took a deep breath, looking down at her feet. “You’ll be graduating next year.” She corrected softly. Then, because there was still some ambiguity in that statement, Xan continued talking. “You know I missed a lot of class this year, Win. I talked with my professors and we all agreed that it would probably be better if I repeated my sixth year.” Xan knew that repeating years wasn’t all that common in Hogwarts, unless a student was doing dreadfully, but in her case, it was pretty necessary, considering she had missed months and months of instructional time. “You and Zac will be graduating without me.” And yes, it stunk, but Xan was trying not to get too sour of an attitude about being held back a year. She had already almost let her life get ruined by fearing death, and she wasn’t about to repeat her same mistakes by allowing herself to fall into a pit of negativity and self-pity about not being able to graduate with her brother and sister.

@winnie

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Perhaps there was some kind of triplet telepathy or something, but Winnie just saw something. She felt something was off and she knew something was going on in her sisters head. What it was - she wasn't sure, but she knew it was stuck there somewhere and clearly was bothering Xan in some way. Winnie grinned, her lips curling into a small amused smile as she saw her sister scrunching her face up, quickly pulling her hand away and tilting her head as she gave a hint of a giggle at the fish face. It was brief but it was a distraction, and while Winnie wasn't the best with actually talking and thinking things through, she was pretty good with distraction someone and trying to make them smile. But she knew her sister and she knew that whatever this was bothering Xan it did mean something had to be talked about.

But this... this she hadn't expected and when her sister emphasized that it was Winnie who'd be graduating next year, well - Winnie didn't have to be a genius to connect the dots even before Xan continued to talk and explain it. Try as she might, her sister could read her better than most others and it was impossible to hide how her face dropped as it clicked in her mind, "Wait.. without you?" the question tumbled quickly from her before she glanced around, reaching out to wrap her hand around her sisters before gently tugging her hand, leading her away from those now watching this years graduation begin. She didn't want to talk about this infront of the whole school and it wasn't too hard to find a quiet place nearby as almost everyone was watching the graduation. As soon as it was just them she turned back to her sister, a small frown now on her face.

"I get it.. I guess. I mean, you did miss a lot.. but..." her lips pressed together, shaking her head slightly, "I don't like it though.. its weird.." it really was, at least it felt weird to her. For the past six years while they hadn't been in the same houses they had all still been in the same year, and the fact that they wouldn't be - and not only that but they wouldn't be graduating together  - it simply made her stomach turn and tie into knots. Still - it was best, she knew that even if she hated the thought of not reaching that milestone with both of her triplets, "But... " Winnie took a deep breath, glancing back at her sister quickly as she pushed a tiny smile onto her face, "I get it... but how do you feel about it? Like really.."  That was the most important thing, as much as Winnie might not like it and how she had her own feelings about it, it was Xan that was dealing with this - after a sucky year and her being sick, now this was going on.

@xanthippe

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Xan just nodded when Winnie reiterated that the triplets wouldn’t be graduating as a unit. She didn’t want to leave the graduation ceremony, since there were people that she knew graduating, but she didn’t really have much of a choice – besides, Potter and Weasley were both late enough in the alphabet that hopefully she would be able to have the conversation she needed to have and get back into her seat in time for them. The two girls weren’t far from the graduation ceremony, but far enough that they wouldn’t be eavesdropped on. Xan honestly wouldn’t have minded someone eavesdropping on the conversation and spreading the rumor that she wasn’t going to be graduating the next year. That meant fewer people that she had to tell, and if ever conversation went like this one, then Xan would be more than happy to avoid them.

Winnie began talking – blabbering, kind of – and Xan just nodded along. She had to keep reminding herself that she had had a lot of time to process the fact that she wasn’t going to graduate. She had started thinking about it in September, really, when she had gotten sick. And then, when she hadn’t gotten better, it had seemed kind of inevitable. But she was also her, so all of those things seemed clear. They might not have been as crystalline for Winnie, who didn’t see the whole story. “This whole year has been weird, Win.” Xan reminded her sister. They hadn’t expected a year like this when they had first come to Hogwarts, but expecting the future, or not expecting it, didn’t keep the future from coming nonetheless. When Winnie asked how she felt about it, Xan shrugged. “I would rather not graduate next year because I’m being held back, not because I’m in a coffin.” After staring death in the face, being held back was a minor problem. Maybe it was a bit macabre to admit such a thing, but Winnie had asked for honesty, so that was what Xan gave.

@winnie

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Winnie was more surprised at herself for not expecting this, it made sense - in a way it really did. She had known that even as hard as Xan had worked - she had missed a lot of work. Even the short time that Winnie had missed when visiting and trying to be there for her sister, it had been a struggling at the time to keep up with classes and the work load. But there it was - it was still unexpected to learn what would be happening and god - it kinda hurt to think about next year without Xan being there in the same year. But she wasn't going anywhere - not really, it'd just be an extra year. She made sure they didn't go too far, still able to make it back in time for their friends and those they were going to watch graduate - but they were far enough away that they could have some form of privacy just for the two of them. 

She was trying to sort her thoughts and feelings on the matter, while trying to not annoy herself with just how much this was making her feel - she felt it wasn't right to feel upset about it. Winnie chuckled faintly before pausing to take a breath, "It has been weird for sure - one of the weirder years we have had at least." Xan's response to her question took her aback a little, her own eyes widening slightly as she tried to hide the worry she felt. The mere thought of her sister being in a coffin had come to her mind and clutched at her heart far too many times this year, she really didn't want to think about losing her sister. "Don't say that part.." she mumbled before tilting her head slightly, reaching her hand out to grasp her sisters own, "It's weird to think you won't be on the stage with us next year - but, at least you'll be there and.. I guess I could make a trip the year after to see you graduating - right?" 

There it was, now she was feeling a bit more like herself with a gentle tease her smile quirked on her lips, "But I mean, that also depends on if I will graduate or not - I mean, without you pushing me to remember to study and stuff - how am I going to keep up with things?" She raised her eyes, sending a cheeky grin towards her sister - she was mostly teasing now as she leaned closer, wrapping her arm around Xan as she spoke, "Have you told anyone else yet?" She spoke this one with no teasing, partly curious to know who other than the more obvious people knew about this all. 

@xanthippe

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Winnie agreed that the year had been one of the weirder ones they’d had, and Xan managed a smile at the mention of that. It was definitely the weirdest for her, but she didn’t want to insist that her sickness was as life-changing for Winnie as it had been for her. It was different to watch someone you love be sick, Xan knew. She was glad that she hadn’t had to experience that part firsthand yet. Winnie said that she shouldn’t mention the bit about being in a coffin, and Xan shrugged her shoulders. “It’s the truth.” Being Hugo’s girlfriend had caused her to approach death in a different way, since he could see how people would die when he touched them, but then her own experience with death had added an extra layer of nuance on top of that. She wasn’t going to sugarcoat the truth just because it made someone feel better – not in this arena, at least.

At the discussion of graduation he next year, Xan just nodded. She wasn’t going to make promises about being at graduation or say that she expected Winnie and Zac to attend her graduation – if there was anything this year had taught her, it was that things never went to plan, and planning an entire year of head just seemed like a way to upset everyone when that time eventually came. “We can try our best not to make it even weirder than it already is.” Xan said. She couldn’t promise the results would be one way or another, but she could definitely promise to try.

Winnie mentioned that she might not graduate without Xan pushing her to study, and the blonde rolled her eyes at her sister. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to stay caught up somehow.” She responded. Winnie had managed well enough that year already, and Xan hadn’t been pushing her siblings as much on account of her sister. When asked if she had told anyone else, Xan shook her head. “Mum and Dad know, but that’s through the nurses. I think Hugo’s probably figured it out by now, too.” She admitted. Her boyfriend had spent more time with her throughout the course of her sickness than practically anyone else, and he was smart enough to know without her telling him outright. She’d tell him the news eventually though, Xan knew. And their brother… well, it’d come up eventually.

@winnie

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It had been a year filled with stress and utter weirdness, of course there had been some brighter aspects among them all - but it had still been a stressful one and even now - with Xan giving her the news that next year she'd be repeating her sixth year instead of going onto their seventh together. She was still relieved to even have her sister, even with the faint feelings of worry and light disappointment at not going through it together. She still did have her sister, even after coming so close to losing her. She knew death was something a little different, being friends with Hugo had made that a clear thing - but Winnie still felt a pain at the thought of losing her sister. She simply pressed her lips together, letting a small sigh escape her as she clutched her sisters hand instead of commenting on it.

She did still hope that no matter what that they would still be at each others graduations, Winnie would fit like hell to be there. She gave a small chuckle and smiled as she nods, "Well - I'm not sure what could make things weirder but, lets just try to try and have a 'normal' year or... somewhat normal I guess." Her lips curled into a grin as Xan rolled her eyes, instantly feeling better with the familiar teasing and prodding, "Yeah but it's gonna be hard - I'm gonna also be a beater this year. I wanna enjoy my year to the fullest before I have to be all 'adult' and responsible." She hadn't yet mentioned her career plans to her family yet, knowing at least some of them would be against her becoming an Auror with how dangerous things had been.

"Of course - Hugo probably knows it already - even without you saying it. He's smart and he cares about you so much. I'm glad he was there when I couldn't be." She had tried to be by her sisters side as much as she could, but seeing Xan so weak.. so sick. It had more than once made her break down. There was a fond little smile on her face as she spoke still, she had been friends with Hugo for ages and while sometimes it was weird he was dating her sister, she was also thankful for it. She was glad her sister had him cause she knew he meant only the best for her. She tilted her head, glancing over to the graduation before squeezing her sisters hand, she had many times the past year worried about losing Xan. Losing her sister was like losing part of herself, but she was still here. 

@xanthippe

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Winnie said that she wasn’t sure what could make the year weirder than the one they were already having, and Xan just blinked at her sister. “Let’s not tempt fate.” She told Winnie after a moment of silence. They were just two teenagers – it went without saying that there were people out there who could imagine stranger years, but the two girls were limited by their experiences, and their definitions of what was possible. That wasn’t exactly a bad thing, but Xan was worried that if everyone started talking about how happy they were to finally have a quiet year, they were going to be hit with an even harder punch than the end of this year had packed. Winnie said that she was going to be a Beater for her final year of school, and Xan nodded. Quidditch had never been her forte – she preferred gymnastics to brooms, mostly because open spaces made her feel strangely uneasy, and the sky was the very definition of a boundless open space. Winnie mentioned being an adult, and Xan nodded. For some reason, delaying graduation hadn’t been equivalent to being an adult until Winnie made that comment. The entire timetable of her life was going to be pushed back a year, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but Xan was still going to need to chew on it more.

Winnie agreed that Hugo probably knew already, because of his intelligence and his attentiveness to Xan. Even if that was true, Xan was still going to give him the benefit of a conversation on the subject, so he could voice any thoughts that he might have on the matter. Xan doubted it would be much of a conversation if he was already expecting it, but Xan didn’t much care. It still needed to happen. Winnie mentioned her boyfriend being there when her sister couldn’t be, and the Ravenclaw looked away for a moment, wishing for a moment that they could just erase the past and live in the present – no longer lamenting about what they had done or hadn’t done in the past, but thinking of where they could go from there. “Let’s go sit back down.” Xan suggested. “We can talk more later.” It had been an important conversation to have, but Xan did want to make sure she got to see Hugo’s cousins walk the stage.

@winnie
(end on your post?)

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Winnie gave a half smile, shaking her head - she knew her sister was right there. It was better not to tempt things by saying such a thing. Honestly, they were quite lucky that the year hadn't actually held more weird and honestly - horrible things. Instead it was easier to talk about other things, the reminder of her plans for the following year were for Winnie - rather exciting, she couldn't wait to get to play Quidditch, although she knew it wasn't Xan's kind of thing - she knew she could count on her sister to come and cheer her on. 

Still Winnie nodded, reaching her arm out and linking it with her sisters - partly leaning against her as she offered a brighter smile. While they both had much on their minds - this wasn't the place to fully dive in and get all deep and talkative, "Sure - lets go sit back down, we can talk more later about things if we need to." Winnie paused here, giving a half hug, "Thanks for  telling me now though. I'm glad I know."

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