numb pt. v [open]

[Deleted]

There were whispers in the hospital, whispers that Viola almost wish they couldn't hear. More countries had joined in the search for the wreckage of the Durmstrang ship and the Beauxbatons carriage. But they weren't just looking for shrapnel... they were looking for survivors. Viola wasn't sure what they wanted to come of the situation - if someone had miraculously managed to survive and get help in some other country, then of course Viola was glad that someone else hadn't lost their life senselessly. But there was a danger in letting themself hope that there were more survivors, because if the other governments looked and looked, and still didn't find anyone... then all of this hope would be for nothing. Hope was the first emotion that Viola had felt in full force - or at least, the first of their own emotions that they had felt with the volume turned up. There had been that issue with the Legilimens, but that had only been a snap second of feeling. The hope had been building in Viola for days, ever since they had first heard of the search efforts, and every time the door opened, they hoped for good news. Every time the door opened, though, there was nothing more to say. But the hope just kept building itself up, and that worried Viola. They were hoping enough to become dangerous.

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

If not for that second time, when she had healed her sister's burn, Maxima wouldn't have gone to make an appointment with the Healers at St. Mungo's about her ability to heal people through mere touch. It was Odette who had suggested it—weeks before in Madam Blacksmith's office—and, while she had balked at it then, Max had come to the decision that it was worth getting answers. The corridors of the hospital were labyrinthine and foreboding, and Max thought of the injured students and how much time they had spent there. She didn't know how many of them remained hospitalized, although she had heard that some of their injuries had been severe. More magical governments had joined in the search for survivors among the wreckages of the ship and the carriage, and she hoped that their efforts weren't in vain. If anyone was still trapped and alive, it would be a miracle.

It was as she was on her way out that she overheard a conversation between two Healers that pertained to one of the Durmstrang students. It had taken Max a moment to realize that they were speaking of only one person, a singular “they”—possibly a “she”, if the one Healer's references were correct. The only person from Durmstrang whom Max knew went by gender-neutral pronouns was Viola. She hadn't interacted with the former Durmstrang student much while they had shared the same corridors, but Viola had been a member of the GSA, and the expenses of their being in hospital were being covered by the relief fund. They were a beneficiary of what she had set out to achieve in memory of Elias, which was strange for Max to consider as she asked the Healers for permission to visit Viola, which she was, to her surprise, granted.

The room itself wasn't far, as Max discovered while she walked beside the one Healer, who voiced that they didn't expect Max to stay for very long. Viola was mute, she was told, and the notion that Max got as she was left outside of Viola's room was not to expect much at all.

She knocked first; then, upon realizing that she wasn't going to get a verbal response if what the Healers had told her was true, opened the door just enough to step inside. The room itself sent a shiver down Max's spine. If she had been transferred to St. Mungo's—if Theodosia hadn't been so quick on her feet—then this was where she could have ended up. Not only that, it hit her that Viola had survived what had killed Elias. They had experienced what he must have seen and felt, too.

Viola's inability to speak didn't mean that they were any less of a person than they had been before the attack, and, unless they had been changed considerably by what they had been through, Max guessed that they didn't want to be spoken to as though she were speaking to a wall. “Hi, Viola,” she greeted, trying to sound comfortable with where she was.

“I know you're mute,” Max added, just so Viola wouldn't think that she was waiting on them to say something back. “The Healers told me not to expect much because I'm not a Legilimens,” she admitted, glancing back at the door to make sure that she hadn't been overheard just then. It seemed a little ridiculous, as though they were treating Viola like an infant. “And the one kept calling you ‘she,’” which Viola must have heard enough of already.

“But I thought you might want a visitor who won't misgender you…” she shrugged. They could still communicate with one another, even if it wasn't through the spoken word. “I was here to make an appointment, so I… haven't really brought anything.”

Finding a time for that appointment had been something of a hassle. As things were, Max's work on the relief fund was taking up most of her time, and she didn't know what would come of it. A charity auction had been organized in the British and Irish Quidditch League, where members of the public could bid to win a date with a professional Quidditch player. It seemed a little bit silly, but the point wasn't what she thought; the point was to get people to bid.

That initial goal of one hundred Galleons? By all indications, Max wasn't going to be surprised if that got multiplied by ten—twenty, even—before much longer. Donations had come in from across Britain ever since she had gone to speak on the Wizarding Wireless Network, and she had been forced to set up a separate vault at Gringotts to keep track of it all, held jointly with her mother because of her age.

The owls weren't much of an issue if the letters were sent via the post office, but the constant swooping of birds in and out was getting to be a nuisance. Max knew that they would need to find somewhere other than her house out of which to run the fund, if the pace kept up the way it was going.

Still lingering by the door in case Viola expressed that they wanted her to go, Max shifted her bag on her shoulder. “…Do you mind if I come in, or do you want me to go?”

@viola

[Deleted]

There was a knock at the door, which caused Viola to roll their eyes. No one bothered knocking anymore, not since they had learned that they weren’t going to be given a response. It wasn’t like Viola really had any control over who got to enter anyways – if the nurses wanted someone to come in, then chances were they’d find their way in. The visitors of that type normally wouldn’t stay long, though, unnerved by Viola’s silence or by their glaring. The only people that seemed to stay long were the ones that had known them before they had become some voiceless shell of a person – a silent monster that had a heart like a black hole. They were mildly surprised by the person who came into the room. It was Elias’s kid sister, who they had met while they were at a GSA meeting. Viola narrowed their eyes slightly at the thought of the stupid relief fund that had been set up for the survivors of the explosion. They still had a thing or two to say about that, if they ever found a way to speak again. If Max had anything to do with that, then she’d be getting an earful – maybe not of words, but Viola had a mean left hook and no qualms over punching children if those children were idiots who couldn’t keep their noses in their own business.

Max continued to talk about what the nurses were saying about them, as if Viola didn’t already know what they were saying. It wasn’t like the Durmstrang student was deaf as well as mute, though a lot of people seemed to forget that little detail. Then the girl had the audacity to assume that she was the only one who knew what Viola’s gender was, and that every other visitor would have been off calling them a she. Viola wondered what the hell Max thought she was saying. At best, Max was calling all of Viola’s visitors ignorant, and at worst, she was insinuating that the only visitor Viola had was the one stupid nurse who insisted that their mother had birthed a girl and that was what they were. At the mention of bringing something, Viola couldn’t resist the urge to roll their eyes – now they were greedy as well as friendless? Wonderful, just wonderful. At the question about whether they minded Max coming in, Viola didn’t do so much as blink. They could nod and shake their head, and sometimes did (mostly for Dan), but Max was kidding herself if she thought Viola would be wasting precious energy on that.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

When Max received no response from Viola, she remained where she stood but looked to the door, unsure if she should leave. “I know I never really interacted with you at Hogwarts very much,” Max admitted. Her only real interactions with the Durmstrang students had been with Elias, mainly, and then Maria by association with him. “I don’t want to invade your privacy or anything,” she assured Viola.

“I really did come to make an appointment,” she added, imagining that someone must have told Viola that their expenses were being taken care of for them. “This isn’t me doing a round of the wards for the relief fund. If there’s anything you need, though…” Even though that might not have been her sole purpose for being there, she wasn’t about to deny Viola something if they needed it. She didn’t know how far the news of her having intentionally poisoned herself had gone among the foreign delegations besides Elias, but Max did know that being stuck in a hospital bed—even if it had been at Hogwarts and not at St. Mungo’s—was hardly enjoyable.

@viola

[Deleted]

Viola listened as Max spoke, first about how they hadn’t been close at Hogwarts – true – and then about how she didn’t want to invade their privacy. Viola just blinked. For all that people were saying they cared about Viola’s privacy, it seemed that everyone was content to come and go as they pleased, and assert their opinions on damn near everything just because Viola wasn’t able to tell them otherwise.

Max insisted that she really had been there to make an appointment… and that it wasn’t anything to do with the relief fund. The pieces fell together for Viola quickly, and when they did, anger ripped a hole in their heart. Viola was angry and they didn’t need help from anyone, let alone some twerp who thought that she was doing something noble by paying for hospital bills that Viola could handle themself, thank you very much! The anger, the rawness of it all, was tearing Viola apart after feeling nothing for so long, and they clapped their hands over their ears, as if they could shut out the words that had already been spoken or keep the rest of their emotions from spilling out from their head. They drew their knees up to their chest, once again inundated by the sick feeling of not being able to breathe. Viola had been able to ignore the ache in their lungs, but they couldn’t right now. They couldn’t do anything.

I can’t breathe.

@daniel (come save viola)
maxima ruqayyah greyback

[Deleted]

As per usual in this situation, Daniel had to catch his breath and stop walking, his hand bracing against the wall so he wouldn't pass out. That kind of anger -- laced with so many othee things it was like an intricate recipe to a really fancy dessert- meant that someone was seriously suffering, and someone would really get hurt. Whether it was the person getting angry or the person on the other end, this was bad.

He followed the feeling, surprised that it was leading him where he was already headed. He picked up his pace, starting to panic. Was someone furious with Viola? Or were they the furious one?

Dan reached the room quickly and burst inside, probably looking like a crazy person. He looked to Viola curled up close to themself on the bed and then to the kid. That was Elais's sister. That made his chest hurt. What this poor kid must be going through... She did that auction. Yes. That was her. And Viola was breaking.

He stepped in further, until he was right beside Viola and placed a hand on their shoulder. Then he looked back to the kid, "I think it's time to go," he told her, he voice sympathetic.

@viola
maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Max froze up as Viola covered their ears, apparently blocking out what she had to say. They brought their knees to their chest, and they seemed so much smaller like that. All that Max could do was watch; she didn’t know what else to do. She wasn’t sure what she had said that had caused Viola to react in such a way, but she didn’t want to worsen it… Whatever it was.

Suddenly, someone else entered the room. Max turned her head and saw that it wasn’t a Healer or a nurse who had entered, as she had expected it to be. It was a boy—or “young man” might have done better to describe him, Max supposed—whom Max recalled having seen around Hogwarts in the past year. He had been a Durmstrang student, too.

She watched as he went to Viola almost immediately and touched their shoulder. As quickly as he had come into the room, it almost seemed as though he had been able to sense what was going on despite not having been there. Did what Viola was doing happen that often? Was that what she had been warned about before coming in? “I think it's time to go,” he told her.

“I-I don’t know what… happened…” Max spoke quietly, shaking her head. Her words were directed towards the young man, primarily. She hadn’t meant to do anything wrong, and she didn’t want him to think that she had done something to Viola when she hadn’t. Had she? She had only entered the room as far as she had; she hadn’t touched them or said much besides her comment about the fund. “I…”

Unsure if Viola could understand her still or if they had lost touch with what was going on around them and had shut down completely, Max looked at Viola and then at the young man. She continued to watch him for a moment, still perplexed by his timing. How had he known? Max wondered if he was one of the people like the ones Odette had mentioned, people who had abilities like hers.

As stunned as she was, Max knew how odd it would seem for her to ask something like that out of the blue, and so she didn’t. Especially with whatever had happened to Viola—and possibly because of her—it was neither the time nor the place. “I-I’m sorry,” she said to both of them, backing towards the door. If she was going to say anything else, she thought that an apology needed to be part of it.

@viola
@daniel

[Deleted]

Viola wasn’t special – they didn’t have any powers beyond the typical magic, but if they were to have a power, it would probably be some sort of Dan-sense. When Dan was around, it was like their heart was reaching out to him, begging him to come closer, to understand, to make them feel something good so that the rest of the world, which was so bad would disappear for just a little while. When Dan opened the door, Viola knew that it was him, and their heart damn near jumped out of their chest so that it could nestle into Dan’s. His ribs were safer than their own, his sternum wasn’t moments away from cracking, and maybe being next to something warm and alive would somehow will their heart to be warm and alive, too, instead of the dead thing that only seemed to awaken when he was nearby. His hand on their shoulder wasn’t an anchor. It was the opposite – it dragged Viola up from the depths of their despair, until their head could break the surface and they could gasp in a breath. Safety. It flickered up in Viola like an infant fire, barely enough to shed light or warmth, but the feeling was there nonetheless. Viola’s hands were still over their ears, but they didn’t really care what was being said, because they were still dizzy from a lack of oxygen. Viola took another deep breath, trying to suppress their shaking and stoke the pathetic flame of the good feeling that was sitting low in their stomach. Viola didn’t pause to consider that there had only been one other person that could create fires in them. They couldn’t think about Maria, because then they’d be dragged back down again, and they couldn’t afford that.

@daniel
maxima ruqayyah greyback

[Deleted]

The feelings in the room were too many to sift through.

He felt like his head was pounding, but he tried to stay focus as the girl apologized and backed toward the door. He felt like his hand was attached to Vi's shoulder with some kind of adhesive. He lifted his free hand toward the girl, holding his palm out to her and shaking it a little, as if he could wave off the pain she was feeling. "Please, it's okay. Vi just isn't feeling well and... it's probably better to talk to them later on. When they're out of here," he suggested, not sure if that was the right thing to say, but he just didn't want this kid to feel so bad. He hated bad feelings, of course, but the feelings of being sorry and confused at the same time were the hardest. "Thank you for your kind thoughts, though. I'm sure you have a lot of good intentions in you," he said, honestly. But, it was time for her to go.

maxima ruqayyah greyback
@viola
(I shall end this on my next post)