numb pt. vii [maria]

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Viola still wasn't sure what was happening in their brain. Everything was buzzing but everything was quiet, and they couldn't pick a single thought out of the throng. It was chaos, barely-contained chaos, and they didn't know what to do with it. Albus Potter hadn't been lying when he said that there was intelligence claiming that Maria was alive. Maria was in St. Mungo's, and she was alive, and that meant... what did that mean? They still weren't romantic partners, but somehow, despite that reality, Viola felt like they were less alone. There was still someone in the world who knew what the hell was going on in their head, and mostly seemed to like them despite it. Even if the breakup had changed most things, it hadn't changed that Viola wanted to be there for Maria. Bullying their way out of their hospital room so that they could go see Maria was a feat in and of itself, but now, standing outside Maria's room, Viola realized that wasn't enough. They still needed to face their ex-girlfriend, and they weren't sure what sort of emotions that would bring up... or if, Merlin forbid, they would still be numb. Viola didn't have long to quibble over the small things, though - their nurses had given them a time limit, and they wanted to spend as much of their time with Maria as possible. They swung the door open and stepped through with a confidence they didn't actually possess, striding over to Maria's bedside. Viola still didn't attempt to talk - they weren't sure they were ready for that - but they stood there, by Maria, trying to figure out what they were supposed to do now.

@maria

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The last few days had been a blur. Ever since she woke up in that muggle hospital in Germany, life in general had been a blur. Remembering the explosion, the pain, flashes and flickers of something else that left an odd tingling sensation in the back of her head. As if she were forgetting something important. Daniel's presence, since she woke up, had been a welcome relief. She hadn't seen her friend since he bailed halfway through their last school year to return to Durmstrang. And once she was filled in on everything that had happened.... He was a rock, helping her resist the urges to explode. Elias was dead. Her cousin. Her only real family. Gone, just like that. It was odd though, It was almost as if she already knew this. A far off dream that haunted her. A dream she had almost every night. But in that dream everyone she cared about had died. And each time she had that dream it made her feel nauseous and broken.

Maria lay in that white hospital bed, staring out one of those windows and deep it thought. She'd never been much of a thinker, more of a doer, before, but hospital did that to a person. THey left you alone and confined with only your thoughts to keep you company. Despite the explosion being a month ago Maria's injuries were only now just beginning to really heal but that was due to her circumstances. She would have been in and out in a week with magical aid. But she'd spent that time in a muggle hospital, with muggle medicine and doctors. Plus, no one had even known who she was for most of her stay. She'd been in a coma for most of the stay, her identification and being brought to a proper magical hospital was only due to sheer luck.

The young woman didn't move initially when she heard the door open, didn't give it too much mind in fact. If she had to guess it was probably one of the healers. But something about this new presence made her finally turn her head just before they reached her bedside. Her eyes widened and her lips parted just a touch at the sight. Viola. Not hers anymore, but still her Viola. And her heart ached. "Viola." She breathed, somehow managing to catch enough breath to whisper the name.

@viola

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Viola felt like the world was moving in slow motion. Maria looked so different, lying there in the hospital bed, but also so achingly familiar that Viola didn’t know what to do. Their first inclination was to try to take a breath. They hadn’t been able to breathe since Maria had died, but now that she was alive, they would be able to breathe again. But… their lungs wouldn’t expand. For a moment, Viola panicked, wondering why the iron vice on their lungs hadn’t loosened, but in the end, it wasn’t worth the anxiety, because it was just… what was normal. Their lungs hadn’t been responsive for a long while. Sometimes they could force in a deep breath or two (or three or four or five, if Dan was there), but most of the time, Viola had to settle for shallow sips of air. After that second of realization (which Viola still wasn’t done with, but could return to later), Viola opened their mouth, trying to get their tongue to obey their commands, and say Maria’s name with the same tenderness that she had said theirs… but once again, their body betrayed them, and Viola couldn’t get the oxygen or the strength to form the three syllables of her ex-girlfriend’s name. Viola took a seat beside Maria’s bedside, and reached out their hand. Just because they weren’t Maria’s partner anymore didn’t mean she couldn’t hold their hand. Viola held Dan’s hand, and he wasn’t their boyfriend. Maybe, Viola thought, if they were in the room with Maria a bit longer, then they would really believe that this wasn’t an illusion, and everything would fix itself.

@maria

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Viola wasn’t saying anything. Even when they opened their mouth no words came out. And Maria didn’t know what to think of that. Why weren’t they saying anything? ”Speechless that I’m still this pretty when injured?” She forced herself to say instead, trying to lighten the mood just a touch with the joke, though it was only half hearted. There was this overwhelming sense of relief, so powerful she felt just the slightly prick in her eyes as they threatened to tear up. Why was that feeling so strong? You’d think that she had thought Viola dead and was only now finding out it wasn’t true.

Maria held her breath when Viola moved, almost expecting them to turn away but instead they sat down by the bed and reached out towards her. Immediately and without hesitation Maria raised her own hand and clasped Viola’s, her grip a little tighter then she’d intended but she still couldn’t help from having those illogical feelings of having just found out she hadn’t lost Viola. It had to be some side effect of the magic sedating the pain.

@viola

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Maria asked if Viola was speechless because she was still that pretty when injured, and Viola’s heart squeezed painfully. How were they supposed to explain that they hadn’t spoke since the day that they had almost died – since the day they had believed Maria had died? Viola just touched their fingertips to their throat, somewhat absent-mindedly. It was the best explanation that they could come up with while still shocked and unable to really breathe.

Upon their sitting beside the bed, Maria grabbed ono their hand. Other than the nurses, the only person that had touched Viola since the accident was Dan, and Maria’s hands were nothing like Dan’s. Dan’s were warm, but Maria’s were hot, and where Dan’s palms were rough with callouses from his Quidditch career, Maria’s were more or less soft, barring any injuries that she had on them. This was confusing, and wrong. She was supposed to be dead, but she was here. They were supposed to be dead, but they were there. And they… they were supposed to feel now that Maria was here. But there was still just numbness, and pounding, perfect silence.

@maria

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Viola didn't say anything. At all. Just touched their throat, as if from an itch. Maybe if Maria was in a better mental state she would have understood the meaning of the gesture, but alas... It was overlooked. So for Maria? It was unnerving, and made her stomach sink just a little. Because why wasn't Viola speaking? Sure, Viola wasn't a chatter box, but they weren't quiet. Silence didn't suit them. Nor did it suit Maria much. Silence was unnerving.

Even when Maria took Viola's hand.... they did nothing. No words. Just... existed. They didn't even seem to react to her taking their hand. So... Maria slowly released Viola's hand. THey weren't dating anymore, after all. She shouldn't have done it in the first place. Especially after how she'd so cruelly ended their relationship. "Are you okay..?" She finally forced herself to ask, though the answer was slightly obvious. If they weren't at least physically okay they wouldn't have wandered into her room after all. Which brought up a good question... Why had they wandered into her room?

@viola