Kiss & Collide [Adrian]

[lily luna potter]

@adrian

09.02.2024

He was back. Adrian was back. It wasn’t fair. Coming and going as he pleased. Lily had figured he would have forgone the return to Hogwarts, having left without saying a real goodbye the last time he had shown himself. That made her believe he didn’t really care, and being forced to come back wouldn’t be something he’d be down for. So seeing him waltz up to the Gryffindor table before the Sorting Ceremony began had the Potter girl simultaneously confused and seething. But she couldn’t do anything in the Great Hall and at the first chance she had to leave, she did, bolting back up to the common room to escape all the emotions that were trying to spill out of her.

As the night wore on, the crowd of Gryffindors, old and new, began filing back into the common room and dorms, and she passed off her friends’ questions of worry as a stomach ache from eating too much chocolate on the train ride. What a lie that was. She could never get sick from candy. There was no such thing as too much. They left her alone though, maybe getting the hint from her lackadaisical reaction at the mention of seeing Adrian again, as well as all the cool American kids they had now. She didn’t care about any of that. There were bigger problems in her head that she was trying to sort out.

Waking up groggy the next morning, Lily had almost forgotten about the previous night’s events, the only indicators of it happening were the dried tear streaks down her face and that she was still in yesterday’s clothes. The concept of Adrian leaving her again and again had only haunted her dreams for the last few months and now it could become a reality. If she let him back into her life, would he do it again? Obviously the circumstances concerning why he had left in the first place were beyond either of their control, but the manner in which he had done it was wrong. She suddenly realized that he needed to know this. Whatever had drained her energy to talk to him last night was gone this morning, and Lily rolled out of bed with a plan of attack already generating in her head. She could forego classes for the time being, at least until she said what needed to be said. There was no way she was going to pay attention in them anyway, and she had slept through the first one of the day already. A quick glance at her class schedule showed that the seventh year Gryffindors would be letting out of Care of Magical Creatures, and while there was no telling if Adrian was taking that class, she was going out onto the grounds to look for him nonetheless. If he wasn’t there, running by him in the halls on the way down was a possibility as well.

And that was exactly what Lily did. Without as much as changing into new robes or brushing her matted hair, she rushed out of the common room and down through the castle, making a beeline for where the Care of Magical Creatures Class had let out minutes earlier. A few whispered words and giggles from her classmates at her apparent hurriedness as she passed by them told her that she looked like a mess, but that didn’t matter. What did matter was finding Adrian before he could sneak through her clutches again, and it was starting to look like he had. Stopping short of the lesson area, Lily whipped around to look back up at the castle, just in time to see him walking in a different direction from the rest of the class. Either he was taking a short cut or had spotted her running towards him and was now trying to escape.

Lily wasn’t going to have any of that today and changed course, turning her earlier jog into an all-out sprint as she closed the gap in a matter of seconds. Her hands found him first, letting the momentum from her run carry the force needed to plant her palms onto his back. Lily wasn’t trying to hurt him, but a push of that magnitude could do anything. “Why?” her voice squeaked out with a crack, mismatched with the action she had just committed.

[Deleted]

Coming back to Hogwarts was just as wonderul and awkward as Adrian thought it would be. He didn't have to be resorted, so he just went straight to the Gryffindor table at the feast. He was trying to look confident as he did so - not only to impress his new American friends and classmates but to remind his old Hogwarts mates that he belonged there. Trying was the key word, though. He didn't feel confident, not in the least. His eyes immediately found Lily as the American students were led into the hall and he quickly looked away. He started walking toward her, but at the last second just sat down in the nearest seat he could find, even though she was further down the table. He, of course, got a huge grin from his best friends Hugo and Sav, but he could barely return it. He was between Gryffindors he didn't know very well, but tried to sit up straight. He belonged there, he had to make that convincing.

The whole feast he wrestled with what he was going to say to Lily, how he was going to explain being such a bad friend to her. The more he thought about it the more stressed he got, and he didn't even touch his food. When the feast ended he hadn't gathered the courage to approach her. Not that he could anyway, she was fast out the door and his friends were by his side in seconds. He smiled and laughed with them, happy they were there, but knowing he had something big coming soon. As soon as he could get the courage to talk to her.

But he didn't go looking for her that night. He got resettled in his dorm, taking a bed different from where he was used to because of new people and all. He helped some of his American friends get settled, and that was a good distraction. But then came the time to sleep, and he definitely did not.

His first class of the day was Care of Magical Creatures, his favorite subject. He sat up, feeling sick at the thought of seeing Lily for the first time in class where they couldn't even talk. Maybe he should try to find her beforehand? He quickly got dressed, but then wasn't able to rush out the door because one of his American classmates was apparently having a meltdown... so Adrian stayed to help talk him out of it. It was over quick, though, and they headed outside.

He scanned the crowd of students ahead and was having trouble placing her. Maybe she didn't have this class? But it was Lily, she loved magical creatures class, right? Maybe she was still back in the castle, waiting for him] in the Common Room? But he went to class, she never came, and then class let out. He started to feel concerned, but followed his classmates anyway... but then he stopped walking, bouncing on his toes for a moment before deciding to go check back inside. He turned around and started to walk away from the grounds when he felt two hands slam against his back. He was definitely not expecting that, and stumbled on the uneven ground of the hill before falling and catching himself with his right knee and both hands. He sucked in with pain before pushing himself off the ground, hearing that small 'why' as he turned to face her.

When his eyes met hers, he suddenly forgot what words were. It had been so long, nine months, since he had seen her face. He did have a picture of them together from Germany last summer, one that he looked at more often then he really should have - what with being such a bad friend and disappearing from her life when she needed someone. He swallowed hard and didn't even bother wiping his slightly stinging hands off. He was frozen.

lily luna potter

[lily luna potter]

@adrian

09.02.2024

Lily didn’t mean to push him as hard she had. Her brain wanted to restrain it, hold it back, but her body had a different opinion on the matter. Once he hit the ground, she thought about running. Not looking back. But her feet wouldn’t move and her hands were balled up, fingernails digging into her palms to try and snap herself out of it. She didn’t want to see him looking up at her. She didn’t want to talk to him, to hear the excuses for why he left a note and didn’t talk to her in person. Everything she had dreaded happening last night was now rushing forward the second she had opened her mouth and asked why he was here. Or was it why he left? She couldn’t remember anymore.

Adrian didn’t say anything at all as he looked up at her, and Lily desperately wanted him to either yell at her or leave. One or the other. But he was silent. Her bottom lip started to quiver as she refused to break eye contact with him. Finally, she snapped. “What’s your problem Adrian? You can’t-” she had to take breath to recover what little she had, not initially realizing that her chest was heaving from the run up the hill and her lack of breathing in the seconds following the shove. A small stream of tears leaking out of the corner of her eye started as she tried to compose herself again, causing her rub her shirt sleeve across her face. It was easier to talk when she couldn’t see him. “You can’t just come back and act like everything is normal. Because it’s not.”

When she pulled her arm away from her face, she expected him to be walking towards her, but he was only standing. That pissed her off for some reason. She wanted him to hold her, tell her things were going back to the way they were before, even if it was a lie. Anything was better than what had been going on for the last few months. “Come on! Say something!” she screamed.

[Deleted]

He felt bad that he couldn't speak, but for some reason every muscle in his body seized up.... so, of course, that gave Lily the opportunity to keep going. She asked what his problem was, catching her breath before finishing her sentence. He knew what that meant, of course. She was going to - yup, there were the tears. He felt his own eyes start to sting, his chest felt heavy - as if someone was sitting on him, and his stomach dropped down somewhere south of his knees. She wiped her face and that was enough to make him catch his own tears before any got out, blinking his eyes rapidly to keep them in. She said he couldn't act like everything was normal... he knew that, he really did, but he didn't know how to start addressing what had happened! He had no idea how to deal with this at all, and when Adrian didn't know how to deal with something than he just cut himself off from it. But he couldn't do that with Lily.

"Come on! Say something!" she yelled, and he winced. Then he took in a deep breath, clenching his fists at his sides just to remind himself that there was still blood in his veins by cutting off the circulation to his fingers for a moment. "Lily, I don't know where to start," he admitted quietly, not even noticing if anyone nearby had stopped to watch the two, what with Lily screaming at him and all. "I don't know what to say," he released his clenched fists, letting out a long breath as he did so. "I don't think 'I'm sorry' is going to be good enough for you," oh no, was he painting her to be the antagonist somehow? That's not what he meant for that to sound like.

lily luna potter

[lily luna potter]

@adrian

09.02.2024

Apparently the shove and yelling was enough to get Adrian to come around. Lily thought she was going to have to scream until her vocal chords blew to get anything out of him, but once was enough. She didn’t want to yell, or even cry for that matter. Unfortunately that was what escaped from her when she looked at him and it was easier to let it all out than try to bottle it all back up again. Months had been spent holding it in. The distractions of the train ride and first day of school couldn’t protect Adrian anymore though.

His words were starting to fall on deaf ears though, and Lily shook her head slowly, her eyes flicking back and forth from the ground to Adrian’s face. He sounded sincere about not knowing what to say; she definitely wouldn’t know what to do either if their positions were switched. But he was Adrian. He was supposed to know what to say to her. “Why not?” she asked quietly, her voice cracking in the middle of it. She didn’t see anything wrong with an apology. The less excuses there were, the easier this was going to be for both of them. Hopefully.

“You said it wouldn’t happen again and it did. I know-” Lily paused, attempting to steady her voice. It was becoming shakier the longer she went on. This wouldn’t be hard if he had never left in the first place. “I know you had to leave,” she continued, “And I let you. But I lied, because I wasn’t fine with it. I’m pissed because I tried to tell myself that I could handle all of this on my own but I can’t.” Lily closed the distance between them, her head tilted up so she could look at him closer. She had almost forgotten how tall he was, always dwarfing her when they were around each other. The lack of familiarity stung a bit. Her sleeve was used once again to wipe her eyes. Despite there being less tears than before, her arm stayed where it was, covering up her face. “I’m sorry for being selfish.”

[Deleted]

"Why not?" she asked, and that was an incredible hard question to answer. Why didn't he know what to say? Why wasn't sorry good enough? Well, he knew the answer to the second part. 'Sorry' wasn't good enough because he felt like she deserved much, much more than that. He didn't know what else to give, though, that was the problem. He was sure she didn't want him to just get on his hands and knees and beg her for forgiveness, pulling at her robes like some sort of homeless beggar or something. No, she deserved sincerity and... he was being sincere about not knowing how to be sincere. What a paradox.

The cracking of her voice when she asked that question, the 'why not', was enough to make the lump in his throat grow five times in size as well. He felt a pressure behind his eyes, but tried to ignore it. She spoke again when he didn't answer. She spoke of him having to leave, and how she lied because she wasn't actually fine with it. He knew that. Or maybe a part of him hoped that she didn't want him to go. She said that she was pissed because she tried to tell herself she could handle 'all of this' on her own, but she couldn't. She stepped closer to him then and immediately he felt the muscles in his arms ache, wanting to reach out to her. He looked down at her as she looked up at him, but then she reached her sleeve up to wipe her eyes and broke contact.

His arms raised toward her before she even finished her next sentence, about being selfish. He wrapped them around her shoulders and pulled her as close to him as he could. But, again, he couldn't speak. Not right away, at least. He relaxed into the embrace, the familiarity of her touch causing every cell in his body to warm. "Don't... don't say anything. Give me one second," he muttered, bowing his head into her hair, just above her right ear. 

Then he took his 'second', which was definitely more than that, to hold her tightly, the thumb of his left hand stroking the spot on her back where it had landed. He closed his eyes, tight, and just tried to breathe a little. Finally, he found a way to speak again. "I'm so, so sorry about Harry, Lil. I should have come right away."

lily luna potter

[lily luna potter]

@adrian

09.02.2024

He didn’t say anything. All he did was stare down at her, the only break in their eye contact being when she placed her arm over her face to wipe it off. Lily knew the last thing she should do was get ahead of herself and start thinking of ridiculous things, but she did anyways. Unreasonable thoughts caused by reasonable emotions. She hated those the most. Was he not really sorry? Was she completely forgotten once he left? This was Adrian she was talking about, so it wasn’t like he did a lot of things on purpose or out of spite. He was much simpler than that and loyal beyond belief. The irrational thoughts stopped immediately once he pulled her closer, her arms wrapping around him to anchor herself in place. It almost broke her. With her face buried into his shirt, Lily nodded her head that she understood he needed a moment to collect his thoughts. Adrian didn’t have to be as upfront or immediate as she was. That was how he had managed to ground her. His actions spoke more than words would anyways.

The long, anger-fueled streaks of tears from earlier were replaced with globular drops that had been bubbling near a breaking point for months now. Whatever she had gotten out of her system earlier in the year was only just the start. There had been a point where she thought it was done with, where the tear ducts were dried up and her ability to properly let out her emotions was going to be dulled for the rest of her life. Having them dragged from the situation with Adrian leaving right into the disappearance of her dad was a sort of heart wrenching agony she had never experienced before and quite frankly never wanted to do so again. Adrian’s reassuring embrace told her that it was okay to fear that. To accept it. Because even though everything was still going to suck, it was going to be a little less sucky with Adrian back. So Lily Potter let it all out in a mess of tears and snot and sobs as she clung harder than ever to Adrian.

[Deleted]

The longer he and Lily hugged the more calm he started to feel. Though, there was still a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach. Not because of where they were now, but because of where they had been. The things he had done. He had behaved like a coward, and if there was anything Adrian hated the most it was being exactly that. He was a Gryffindor, a werewolf, a friend... he wasn't meant to be afraid of anything. In all honesty, he wasn't even sure what he had been afraid of. Intimacy, maybe? Either way, he was a fool, and he knew it better than anyone. Well, maybe not better than Lily.

He stroked her hair as she cried and kept a tight hold around her, just as she did around him. He wasn't surprised by that fact. Lily always held onto the things she didn't to let go of - figuratively and literally. This situation seemed like it could be a bit of both. He hoped it was literal, definitely, since they were right here together now. But, eventually, he did pull his body slightly away from hers, but kept his arms in place. "You missed class," he chided softly, bending his neck down a little to get a better look at her face. "Wanna copy my notes?" he tried for a smile, it came out small - but genuine.

lily luna potter

[lily luna potter]

@adrian

09.02.2024

If she was a normal person, her arms probably would have gone numb from holding onto Adrian as tightly as she was, and her tears would have ended minutes ago. But neither had happened yet, and maybe this was the overwhelming bubbling feeling she had inside her that she had been desperately trying to get out of her over the last few months. This was all she had wanted the entire time – an unreplaceable hug and the knowledge that everything was going to be fine, at least for the time being. A little reassurance went a long way, surprisingly, and Lily needed just a smidge of it in order to recover from her terrible summer. The closeness and his hand on her head was what had her crumbling the most right now, and it wasn’t until he pulled away slightly that she was brought back to the real world.

“Right…” Lily remembered, one of her sleeves coming up to her face to wipe it off. The poor house elves were going to have a lot to clean on this one later. “There were notes during the first class? That professor is evil,” she let out a throaty laugh. Lily looked up at him after wiping her face again, “Can I though? Don’t want you getting in trouble for aiding and abetting a serial class skipper like me. You have a new lease on life Adrian.” She knew she was a lost cause when it came to school, that much had become apparent over the last two years. Her friends were always offering up their notes to help her along and there had been countless meetings with the professors about showing up on time and putting in the work, just like everyone else did. Adrian had a second go at Hogwarts though and pulling him back into her world so soon probably wouldn’t look good to his new American friends.

[Deleted]

She wiped her face with her sleeve again and he wished he'd had a tissue, or handkerchief or something. She said the professor was evil because of notes on the first class and he laughed a little too, not taking his eyes off her tear stained face as she looked up at him. She said she didn't want him to get into trouble for 'aiding and abetting' a serial class skipper due to his new lease on life, and he laughed again. "Come on, you think I've changed at all?" he questioned teasingly. "Come to think of it... I didn't take notes. That would be out of character, wouldn't it?" he added again. He was a decent student but nowhere near as good as he should have been... especially with it being his last year and all. He wasn't really thinking that hard about his future academically though, he never did.

"Come on, there's a snack with your name on it somewhere around here. I hear that the Americans brought some of that awful American chocolate. Have you tried it? It's like.. wax. It's terrible," he reiterated, turning a little to wrap just one arm around her shoulders and start to lead her toward the castle. "It's only the first day, no need to go to the first class," plus, Lily did look like she probably needed to get a little more cleaned up before going to a class, but he wouldn't rush her on that.

lily luna potter
(we can keep going or end it, I don't care either way!)

[lily luna potter]

@adrian

09.02.2024

He was laughing at her for the comment about changing. Lily didn’t really believe that, but she couldn’t know for sure. “What! I don’t know,” she joined in with a laugh of her own. “Maybe America has like, Adrian-changing powers or something…doesn’t look like it does though,” Lily added, giving him a long stare before wiping at her face again to get whatever remained of the mess she had made on it. “Yeah, that would be out of character. I’ve already planned to get all my notes from a friend in Charms class. Bribed her with fun adventures. Guess I’ll have to find something else for you…”

Adrian turned around to face the school, wrapping his arm around her as they started to walk back up the hill. He mentioned getting chocolate, which got her attention immediately. That was one way to get her mind off of everything that had just happened. “And that is why whenever I go over there, I’m bringing my own chocolate with me. It’s like, a sin to chocolate lovers. Or so I’ve heard.” But that sounded like the best thing to do right now anyways. The professor from the previous class probably didn’t want to see her right now, and she wasn’t in the mood to get handed out a tardy slip on the first day. That could wait for the next class. “Right. I think I’m going to skip everything today. Just to make them all equal,” Lily decided. It was her last year, she didn’t care anymore. And there was chocolate! Getting that and catching up with Adrian was more important anyways.

[done so these idiots can go to LA]