Out of the Darkness and Into the Sun (Mazie)

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

It was one of the last days of the year, but it felt to Chrissy as though the new year had already arrived a day before, when she and Alyra and Mazie had landed in London to begin the weird new chapter that was the next few months, at least. They had gotten halfway settled into the apartment that the three of them would be staying in until she and Mazie took the train to Hogwarts in under another week, and Lee had said that she had to go out to run a few errands or something, leaving the two of them in the apartment.

While Chrissy was glad that she wasn’t alone in the event that anything happened while Lee was out, she had also gotten the feeling that the older girl wasn’t exactly her biggest fan. It wasn’t exactly normal that any of the three of them were uprooted to the United Kingdom so suddenly, and Chrissy understood that. Really, she couldn’t believe that she was still there, as though she would wake up to find herself back in her most recent foster home. She was very much in a new country, though, and—maybe she was overthinking it—but Mazie didn’t seem to like her. She hadn’t really done or said anything explicitly, but the vibe was certainly there.

Not wanting to make matters worse with the older girl, especially when she was Lee’s sister, Chrissy had tried to keep to herself, which wasn’t too difficult for her. There wasn’t much to do in the apartment, unfortunately, so she found herself rereading some of her schoolbooks that she was supposed to have done more with over the past semester but hadn’t through no fault of her own. Seated cross-legged on her bed as she tried her best to recall some of the Arithmancy she had been doing at Ilvermorny, she immediately looked up when she heard the door open to see Mazie entering the bedroom, which they were sharing.

@mazie

[Deleted]

Mazie's feelings about the whole situation were extremely complicated. Firstly, she was delighted to be leaving California and going to school, where she'd be able to see her friends and get out of the house. But, she was still annoyed with Lee. Lee brought along some girl and Mazie didn't know why. She kind of recognized the girl from school, but she was fairly certain they weren't in the same year and Mazie wasn't sure who she was. Why was Lee bringing her along and why didn't Mazie know who she was? 

Besides all that, Lee was being all distant and this girl was definitely the shy type and Mazie felt like she was going to explode sometime during the next week. She didn't want to explode at the girl ... she seemed breakable for some reason. It was weird. So Mazie was trying to relax about the situation until she could corner Lee somewhere and get answers. Until then, she was just going to have to deal with it. 

The thing was, this girl was so quiet. Half the time Mazie thought she was one place when she was really somewhere else, and they hadn't even been together for a day yet! Lee was gone at the moment. Mazie made herself a sandwich and then decided to go find something to do in her room, thinking that the girl was in the main room or something. When she opened the door and saw the girl sitting on her bed, Mazie froze for a second before offering a smile and walking in. Great. Now she couldn't leave or the girl would likely get offended. "Hey," Mazie said with a nod, moving to sit on her own bed. "What are you doing?"

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

"Hey." Mazie entered the room with a smile upon her face, although she seemed sort of surprised to see that she was sitting there, Chrissy thought. She wasn't sure where else she was supposed to be, though. She didn't really have anywhere else to go; neither of them did. "What are you doing?"

"It's, uh, just some Arithmancy stuff. I thought I'd review some of it for when we get to Hogwarts." Chrissy answered, though she shut her book closed as the older girl moved towards her own bed. "But, um, I actually wanted to ask you something?" she hesitated, hoping that it wouldn't make things any more awkward between them than they already were.

However she put it, Chrissy knew that it was going to sound awkward, even if that really wasn't her intention. She just needed an answer. Mazie just had this… aura about her, one that made her seem like one of those people who had never had anything bad happen to them, which only made it worse. She was just going to have to ask it. "I don't mean for this to sound weird… or for you to take this the wrong way or anything… but do you, um, have a problem with me?"

@mazie

[Deleted]

The girl explained which subject she was studying. Arithmancy. It wasn't a subject Mazie was taking, because she knew a lot of it was books and calculations and such. Mazie didn't like things like that. It required too much sitting and not near enough moving around. Still, she smiled and nodded, "Definitely sounds like a good plan to get you all ready." 

She blinked when the other girl said she wanted to ask her something. Okay then. Mazie nodded, moving to sit on the corner of the girl's bed. The girl was prefacing her question with warnings, or something, which made Mazie even more curious and confused, but she nodded again, more slowly this time, gesturing for the girl to continue. When she did, Mazie's eyes widened in surprise. "A problem with you? Merlin, no. I just ... I don't know who you are. I mean, Lee probably told me, but I've been kind of distracted the last while." She looked away, definitely embarrassed. "I, uh ... didn't catch your name either ..." she offered a hesitant smile. "Sorry I came off that way, I didn't mean to."

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

As the subject of their conversation shifted to what Chrissy has felt so awkward bringing up—although she had to wonder if it was easier without Alyra there—Mazie didn’t seem as harsh or as offended as she had anticipated she would be. She wasn’t defensive at all, in fact, but it wasn’t because Chrissy’s assessment had been correct, she explained. Rather than saying something back about what her issue with her was, immediately Mazie said unequivocally that she didn’t have a problem with her.

“A problem with you? Merlin, no. I just… I don't know who you are. I mean, Lee probably told me, but I've been kind of distracted the last while.”

Chrissy blinked at Mazie, taken aback. She wasn’t sure if she was glad that Lee hadn’t had time to explain it to her. It meant that she didn’t have that baggage of being that girl who had been abducted, whose parents were dead, and who had been living in strangers’ homes for a few years because she didn’t have anyone else in her life to be her parent besides people who were preapproved to take in a now-teenage girl, but that also meant that she would have to be the one to explain all of that—again—in a way that didn’t create that uncomfortable feeling in her stomach every time she had to be the one to bring it up.

Mazie mentioned that she hadn’t caught her name, either, at which Chrissy’s gaze was drawn to her suitcase before looking back to Mazie. She could have just snuck a glance at her luggage tags, she thought.

“Sorry I came off that way,” Mazie apologized, which actually sounded to Chrissy like it was sort of… genuine. “I didn't mean to.”

“You… r-really don’t know… anything about me?” Chrissy asked, still trying to process it. She didn’t feel that it was Lee’s fault, though. She hadn’t exactly had time to sit her sister down and explain everything. “…Nothing?” she checked again.

“Chrysanthemum Crawford,” Chrissy added after a moment’s pause. She didn’t use her full given name much. Even when her parents were alive, she was always just “Chrissy” to them. It was only ever for official purposes—school and MACUSA records—that she was “Chrysanthemum”. In the coverage of her parents’ death and her abduction, too, that was how she was known, and she wondered if it rang any bells for Mazie. “But, um… I-I just go by ‘Chrissy’, usually.”

@mazie

[Deleted]

The girl definitely looked stunned by Mazie's reply. What, was she expecting Mazie to say she hated her? That wasn't really the type of girl Mazie was, though obviously this other girl didn't know her at all. Made sense, but it was still annoying. Mazie would never understand why other people always looked for the negative in others. It had to be exhausting. 

The girl questioned her again, asking if Mazie really didn't know anything about her. Mazie hesitated, frowning. Why would she lie. "I mean, I don't know your name ... so even if Lee has told me about you, I don't know it yet," she explained, though that kind of felt like a logical assumption to her. This conversation was weird. She shook her head, waiting for the girl's name. She wasn't going to say anything else until she heard that. 

Okay ... so the girl's name sounded kind of familiar. Mazie wasn't one to follow the news, but she definitely thought she'd heard her name before. Then she said she went by Chrissy and Mazie's eyebrows furrowed. "Chrissy ... did Lee help you a while ago?" she asked. Mazie didn't know the details. She either hadn't been paying attention or her parents sent her out of the room when Lee started explaining. They did that sometimes, wanting to keep her from hearing things they thought were too sad or hard for her to hear. "Are you okay?" Mazie asked, concerned for the girl now. 

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

Chrissy listened to Mazie mention how she really didn't know her name, so she therefore couldn't know anything about her. She guessed that that was probably true, though it sometimes felt as though everyone at Ilvermorny knew everything about her—the whole story of who she was and what had happened and, now that they were older, their own ridiculous theories about it… as though those changed anything. It was sort of relieving that Mazie didn't seem to know, though, because it gave Chrissy a sliver of hope that maybe she wouldn't have to go into Hogwarts with that same reputation. Maybe, just maybe, she could feel "normal"—or at least appear that way—for a little while. At least until she could settle in…

Her voice got caught in her throat, though, when Mazie asked her if Lee had helped her "a while ago". It still felt like yesterday sometimes, and Chrissy found it hard to believe that it had been four years. She had been parentless for that long—actually longer, though she hadn't been aware of it. It was no wonder that she could occasionally feel her memories of her parents slipping out of her grasp.

"Are you okay?"

Chrissy diverted her eye contact with Mazie and looked down into her lap. It was a complicated question. Alyra Pond had truly saved her life, so she shouldn't have felt so awkward about explaining her story to the woman's younger sister. She was okay, she thought, in the sense that she was in London and preparing to go back to school for the first time in what felt like forever. Physically, she wasn't hurt or anything, but emotionally? It seemed to change daily, even moment by moment. Something like Mazie's having jumped onto the couch with such force the previous day was more frightening to her than it should have been; Chrissy knew that, but she couldn't change it.

Although Chrissy didn't really want to give Mazie an explanation, she was going to be having to explain herself more times than that at Hogwarts. She was going to have to explain how she wasn't trying to be rude when she had to sit where she could see the door, or how it wasn't her fault when her mind began to race about everything but the lesson she was supposed to be listening to.

"I…" She didn't move her eyes back up to meet Mazie's as she began to speak, and she lowered her voice. It wasn't a secret, but it still felt like one when Chrissy knew that she was making herself vulnerable to somebody else. "I'm… here late because I'm a ward of MACUSA," she admitted, knowing that it was a line she was going to have to repeat at school. It still didn't make it any easier for her. "Lee agreed to be my guardian so I could go back to school," she added. "I, um, was supposed to get tutored all last semester, but they never really showed up half the time…"

@mazie

[Deleted]

Chrissy was so quiet for the longest time that Mazie started to wonder if she did something wrong. Did she say something to offend the girl? Why would she bring up this conversation and then stop talking once it started. She wouldn't look at Mazie either, which wasn't really reassuring at all either. Mazie felt bad for her. 

Mazie listened carefully when she started to explain, saying she was a ward of MACUSA. Well that definitely couldn't have been a good experience. Mazie started to feel a little bad for the girl. "I'm sorry. I get to go to school again thanks to Lee too. My parents were trying to teach me last semester, but it did not go well." She was trying to make the other girl feel more comfortable somehow, maybe by talking about herself to distract her or something. "Are you looking forward to being at school with other people our age again?" Mazie asked with a smile. 

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

"l'm sorry," Mazie told her. There was nothing that Chrissy felt that she had to apologize for, though. Mazie hadn't been mean to her, and she already knew how abnormal it was to be someone in her position. Even if people their age had dead parents, they usually had some sort of extended family to care for them and to take on that role. They didn't have to think about where they would be living constantly and whether or not it would last. Would her being at Hogwarts even last? Chrissy couldn't say, even if she knew that Alyra wouldn't allow that to happen intentionally. Someone at MACUSA would probably decide that she had to go back to another foster home or something; it was already getting too good to be true.

Mazie said that she was getting to go back to school because of Lee, too, at which Chrissy nodded. "My parents were trying to teach me last semester," she explained, "but it did not go well."

At least they had tried, Chrissy thought. She had never heard Lee talk about her parents, but she guessed that the Ponds must have been alright. Chrissy had to wonder what her own parents would have done in response to everything that had happened in the years since they had been dead. She wondered if they would have sent her to Hogwarts or if they would have taught her at home. They probably wouldn't have been bad at it, she thought, not that she had any way to know for real. It was all just in her head, as memories mixed with idealism to fill in the gaps of what she could no longer recall of them.

"Are you looking forward to being at school with other people our age again?"

"Yeah," Chrissy answered, pushing her lips upwards in an expression that suggested a smile. She missed being in school—a real, physical place—instead of just "doing" school and trying to make sense of concepts that hadn't been fully explained to her yet. Other people was where it got complicated. "But everyone's probably made new friends and stuff," Chrissy added, not that she had ever had a close circle of friends or anything at Ilvermorny. She had never really felt as though she fit in with anyone else. It felt like everyone had their own friends who weren't her, and as though she was always that one person who never really had a friend group… or a clique… or even a best friend. That was going to be amplified times however many more people there were at Hogwarts. Besides, it had been that way before at Ilvermorny, and she was never even the "new kid" there.

@mazie

[Deleted]

Chrissy wasn't quick to answer Mazie's questions, which made Mazie wonder if she'd upset the girl or if Chrissy was actually nervous about going to school again. She smiled a little when she said that she was looking forward to school, but then she followed up with saying that everyone probably had new friends, which confused Mazie a little. "Well, just because they made new friends doesn't mean they won't want to be with old friends too," she suggested with a smile. She fully expected to get all her friends back and spend time with them, though she was also looking forward to making new friends too. Looking at Chrissy, the girl seemed nervous. "Are you okay? You don't seem super excited at the thought of seeing your friends again?" Mazie wasn't being mean, she was just trying to check on the other girl. Something seemed off, she just didn't know what it was. 

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

"Well," began Mazie, "just because they made new friends doesn't mean they won't want to be with old friends too."

That was probably true for most people, Chrissy thought. She wasn't "most people", though, and Mazie certainly didn't seem like she was the type of person who had to worry about making friends. Who was she kidding? Of course Mazie didn't have to worry. She was pretty and blonde and outgoing; she was probably making plans to meet up with people as soon as they got to Hogwarts.

Chrissy, on the other hand, wondered if maybe people had forgotten about her. She wasn't a "Mazie". She floated between friend groups, going wherever she wasn't going to be perceived as a bother to others. She was already going to be weird at Hogwarts for being one of the Americans, never mind the habits that she couldn't break because they weren't just habits. She would have broken herself of all the little things that she had to do just to focus on things that wouldn't have crossed other people's minds if she could have broken herself of them, but it wasn't that easy.

"Are you okay? You don't seem super excited at the thought of seeing your friends again?"

If she thought that Mazie was going to believe her, Chrissy would have lied and said that she was excited even though she wasn't sure what there was to look forward to besides knowing that she was safe and that maybe she would actually learn something again. Mazie seemed more capable of reading her, though, which made Chrissy pause. She kept weighing the harms of being honest with the older girl. She was Lee's sister… but she barely knew her. Still, Mazie seemed to know less than most people already did. And of course Lee knew every last detail of her story.

"I… don't really have friends," Chrissy admitted. There were people who were occasionally nice to her, but that was different. It felt different. Even with the kids she had known from her childhood, it was different. Nothing in her life had been the same for years… "I don't have parents, either, so it's kind of the same thing."

@mazie

[Deleted]

Chrissy sat so silently, so stiffly, that Mazie was starting to wonder if something was wrong. If she said or did something to upset the girl, or if there was something she was going through. Thinking about it, the second made more sense. Chrissy was close enough with Lee that Lee was her guardian now, that she brought Chrissy here to the UK for her schooling. Where were her parents? Or her real guardians? She probably had one of those sad stories that Mazie knew Lee worked with, even though Lee never really told her about them. 

Chrissy quietly told Mazie that she didn't really have friends and Mazie frowned. She didn't have friends? That was just sad and wrong and Mazie wasn't about to let it continue. She stood and moved over to sit next to Chrissy, smiling at her. "You do now." Mazie was good at making friends and remembering people. She was more than willing to do that with a girl Lee cared about this much. Her eyes widened when the girl then said she didn't have any parents. "I'm ... sorry Chrissy. D'you ... want to talk about it?" Mazie was sure she would probably say no, but she still couldn't help but offer. She wanted to help Chrissy, even though there really wasn't anything that Mazie could do, except be her friend. 

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

When she mentioned not having any friends, Mazie immediately moved towards her. While Chrissy kept her guard up for another moment, she realized that Mazie had only moved to sit beside her. "You do now," she told her with a smile, words that didn't quite sink in with her at first.

It hit Chrissy a moment later what Mazie had said, at which she smiled at the older girl. Whatever distain she had thought that there was on Mazie's part was gone, at least.

At her mentioning not having parents, Mazie then asked her if she wanted to talk about it.

To that, Chrissy shook her head firmly. "No," she answered. It was something that she really didn't care to relive. If she knew how to extract her memories so that other people could view them for themselves, then maybe that would have been better. She wouldn't have to explain it again, she thought, if she did it that way. People would be able to understand for themselves why she was so messed up. Maybe she could even erase the memories and give herself a clean slate… or at least put the bad memories somewhere where she wouldn't have to access them quite so often.

"…It's not you," Chrissy added after another pause, trying to fight off the memories that were already clawing at her mind. She didn't want Mazie to take it personally; she really didn't talk about what had happened to her with anyone, not until she reached the point where she just couldn't hold it inside of herself anymore. "Really." Chrissy wished that she could have explained it all to Mazie without any of the details. At least, explaining why she must have seemed so jumpy would have been a benefit.

"That's… um… It's why I ran off to the bathroom yesterday," Chrissy hesitated, knowing that she must have sounded stupid to Mazie. Sometimes, even she couldn't predict what would cause her to respond negatively. "Sudden movements, loud noises… Stuff like that… It's different for me."

@mazie

[Deleted]

Chrissy said she didn't want to talk about it and Mazie nodded. That's why she asked. She didn't want to cause any problems for the younger girl, she just wanted to be an actual friend to her. That was Mazie's new goal when it came to the other girl. "That's fine. No worries," she answered with a smile. She didn't want Chrissy to feel pressured, like she had to talk about anything she didn't want to. 

She insisted that it wasn't Mazie and Mazie smiled. "Really, it's okay. I'm not offended or anything," she promised. She wanted Chrissy to know she was there for her, but Mazie wasn't really the type to push for information ... well unless she was talking to Jack, but he was her best friend so really that was to be expected. 

"I'll try to keep that in mind. I'm ... kind of the type of person who loves to run around and do random things. So ... I'll try to be more careful around you." Mazie made a mental note, hoping it would actually work. She wanted Chrissy to feel comfortable. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help?" Mazie suggested in the form of a question, hoping Chrissy would be okay with that. 

@chrissy

[Deleted]

December 30, 2024

Chrissy was visibly relieved to hear Mazie tell her that it was fine that she didn't want to elaborate on anything if she didn't want to. It didn't even sound like the sort of response that was meant to guilt-trip her into revealing more than she was comfortable with saying, which was surprising… but very much welcome. Mazie wasn't going to pry, and that lack of pressure to explain herself felt really refreshing.

Mazie continued to assure her that she had taken no offense to what she had said. It was fine, and that was it, and it was a relief. The older girl even told her that she would try to keep in mind what she had said to her about loud noises and sudden movements. "I'm… kind of the type of person who loves to run around and do random things. So… I'll try to be more careful around you."

That was good to know, too, though—the part about her having a tendency to do stuff randomly. Chrissy made her own mental note that maybe she would need to avoid Mazie on occasion, just for her own peace of mind.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help?"

"Thanks." She knew that that wasn't sufficient, but she didn't really know how to respond to Mazie's offer. Some things were completely out of her control, and it usually resulted in her shutting down when she didn't want to confront people. What made it harder was that she didn't always know what would affect her or how badly she would react. Sometimes, it just happened. "If I do something… weird," Chrissy added, "don't take it personally, because it's, um, probably not you…"

@mazie