I Can't Seem to Shut It Off (Dan)

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

March 30, 2025

Max was excited yet still slightly nervous to meet with Daniel in Hogsmeade, but it had been over a year since she had first discovered her ability to heal people, by that point. She knew that she shouldn't have been nervous, though. Daniel was her half-brother's cousin, which made them… maybe not blood relatives but still related through Adrian, she supposed. And Daniel was the first and only person with whom she had spoken—conversed? written?—who not only knew of her strange healing power but understood, in some way, how she felt to have something that nobody else in the entire world seemed to have.

She arrived into the village as early as she could, glad that it was no longer quite as cold as it had been. In Daniel's letter to her, he had written that he would be wearing an emerald green turtleneck (at least, if he had remembered to wear it). And so she walked down the high street in Hogsmeade and towards the Three Broomsticks, keeping her eyes peeled for an emerald green turtleneck all the while.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Dan wore the turtleneck, of course. He had pinned the letter on his closet so that he wouldn't forget when it was time to meet the kid. He contemplated canceling, mostly because he wasn't sure how he had suddenly become this 'groovy guidance counselor' for people with special abilities like his. Still, he wished he had someone like that when he was fifteen and going through this, so he couldn't back down from people who really needed help.

He stood there waiting, searching for someone who may have been searching for him. He tried to find some kind of resemblance to Adrian too, even though Max was his half sibling. As she got closer, he felt her emotions and figured that the mix of anticipation and nervous energy was the kid he was looking for – so his eyes settled on the girl he assumed it was coming from. ”Maxima?” he asked in greeting.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

March 30, 2025

Before she could find Daniel for herself, Max heard a voice call out her name. "Maxima?"

Looking around, Max searched for the source of the voice for a moment or two. Since she was already looking for someone, she hoped that it wasn't just a coincidence that someone else had called out her name at the same time. That would have been her luck, she thought, and she briefly expected that that would be the outcome. Maybe Daniel had decided to cancel on her, after all? That would have been her luck, too: The first person she'd actually been able to talk to about her ability had run off before they could meet in person.

And then her eyes fell upon the green turtleneck that she had been looking for—or, more precisely, who she assumed to be Adrian's cousin Daniel. Her expression softened a little, grateful that he had actually come. How common were emerald green turtlenecks in Hogsmeade, anyway?

"Hi, um… Daniel?" Max called out to the young man in reply, moving towards him by a few steps but still keeping her distance in case she was mistaken.

@daniel

[Deleted]

She greeted him cautiously, but he nodded at the mention of his name. "Yeah, that's me. Hi," he greeted too. "Guess we can start by discussing what a tool Adrian is," he joked, a small, nervous chuckle following. He figured the best way to break the tension was to start off with a joke, and who better to joke about than Adrian? Maxima did have some similar traits to him Dan noticed, the more he looked at her face. Still, he wouldn't have been able to pick her out of a crowd if it wasn't for knowing what emotions he was looking to. Not that he was glad that he could feel them, but it did make meeting up a little bit easier. That, and the fact that she had obviously been looking for someone and was in the right space. It was basic problem solving. Other people met for the first time without abilities every day

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

"Yeah, that's me," said the guy in the green turtleneck, confirming that he was Daniel. "Hi."

Max was glad that he had showed, and that she'd found him without any difficulty. Asking around if anyone had happened to see a bloke in an emerald green turtleneck shirt was probably specific enough to find him, but she hadn't wanted to chance it.

"Guess we can start by discussing what a tool Adrian is," Daniel added. From his laughter, Max assumed that it was only a joke meant to lighten the awkwardness of the situation, though she also had to wonder if Daniel regretted being put in contact with her.

"Yeah, Adrian. What a tosser," Max chuckled, before switching the subject. "Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks, then?" she asked. "Or will it be too busy, do you think?"

@daniel

[Deleted]

She said Adrian was a tosser, and Dan chuckled along with her. She asked if he wanted to go to the Broomsticks, or if he thought it'd be too busy. He shook his head, ”nah, don't worry about the busy aspect. It's always busy, and I always go in anyway,” he explained, nodding his head toward the place. He kept his hands in his pockets, as he usually did, and started to lead the way, making sure she was walking beside him. ”I'm sure your ability doesn't kick into gear when you randomly bump into someone does it? Do you have to consciously want to help?” he spoke softly, but got right into it because he wondered if it was hard for her to be in crowded places like it was for him and Kinsey.


maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Daniel assured her that it would be fine for him to go into the pub in spite of his ability. It was always busy, he said, and he always went in.

Max nodded. She'd never exactly seen the place deserted in her experience, either. There were always people around, whether adults or students.

Daniel then nodded his head in the direction of the Three Broomsticks, and Max continued walking towards the establishment with him just a step ahead of her. "I'm sure your ability doesn't kick into gear when you randomly bump into someone, does it?" he asked her then. "Do you have to consciously want to help?"

Yet again, Max nodded her head. She had never experienced her ability as just healing people of its own accord. Every time that she had used it so far, it had been because she had had a desire to help the person who was injured—even if, that first time, she hadn't expected the outcome that she had gotten. "Yeah," she replied. "It's not a 'crowd' thing. I've got to want to help whoever it is, and then it's like… an energy or something." Unsure if she had been clear enough, she added, "It's like using a wand, I guess, only with my hands?"

She thought back to December and the dragons. "I was here, erm, when the dragon thing happened," she explained, "Once it was safe—safer—I went out of the music shop because I knew that some people had got caught in the street… And this girl—I think she's a fourth-year—had her leg burnt… Wouldn't let me touch her until a Healer came." It had been sort of frustrating, almost, that she hadn't been believed. "So I don't—I don't know, you know? If people are going to believe me when I tell them… But I, er… I don't want them to suffer."

@daniel

[Deleted]

When she nodded, Dan had to push away the insane feeling of jealousy that rose up inside of him. She didn't have to worry about everywhere she went, the people she talked to, every move she made. What a blessing that was, in and of itself. He tried not to show his feelings about it, but be objective in listening to her saying that it was like an energy, like using a wand. ”Well, a lot of people use wandless magic, so that sort of thing isn't entirely unheard of. It's possible you just have an affinity toward those kinds of spells,” he suggested.

As they settled in, she talked about the dragons and how she hadn't been able to heal a girl who wouldn't let her touch her. Dan pursed his lips to the side, ”well... I think that... you have to think of it from her perspective. A stranger comes and tells you some crazy story and you just had a huge trauma.. it's a lot to take in. You'd probably get the most belief about it if you actually were a medi wizard or something,” he suggested ”They'd believe you were hired for that, too. But... are there
down sides to the ability?”

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

March 30, 2025

It was still strange for Max to hear someone who understood what it was like to have an ability like her own, someone who didn't immediately dismiss it or at least not know how to help. "Well," Daniel started after she had explained her healing ability to him, "lot of people use wandless magic, so that sort of thing isn't entirely unheard of. It's possible you just have an affinity toward those kinds of spells."

The explanation made sense, but it wasn't as though Max had actually done too much in the way of wandless magic yet. Especially, she thought, she hadn't learned healing spells well enough to perform any of them wandlessly. It wasn't as though she had to think of an incantation or anything—not with her ability and its being the way that it was. It just happened, without any rhyme or reason as to why it had been triggered from the start.

Daniel also suggested that she think of her encounter with the younger girl from her perspective. It probably would have seemed implausible, Max agreed, but that was the thing: It was real, and she wasn't lying or exaggerating.

"You'd probably get the most belief about it if you actually were a Mediwizard or something," said Daniel. "They'd believe you were hired for that, too. But… are there
downsides to the ability?"

The fact that she had to complete her sixth and seventh years of school before she could be hired as a trainee Mediwizard or Healer, for one thing, Max thought to herself. That, and the thought that had been nagging at her since she had first had time to think over her ability. "That's it, really, isn't it?" she asked, albeit somewhat rhetorically. "It's not inherently 'bad'." Healing people, in and of itself, was a beneficial thing to be able to do. "But it's also like… What if people use me for it? Or what if they think that I can heal them, and it turns out that I can't?" She didn't speak her biggest fear out loud, but it was there: She didn't want anyone to die because of her.

@daniel

[Deleted]

She did have an interesting point as far as it went to people using her of thinking she could heal something that couldn't be. He furrowed his brow even more, leaning back into his chair. He brought his hand to his chin, pressing his thumb against the skin right under his lips. "I want to say that you shouldn't worry about other people so much but..." with the state of the country right now it was hard to believe that anyone was safe from being used, even if the people weren't special.

"I kept my ability a secret from everyone for two years," he finally started again, releasing his chin in order to bring his arms to a casual fold at his chest. "I think that was the best thing for me and... Maybe it would be for you, too. I'm not sure. The most important thing is to accept it yourself. Nobody else matters," that was honestly all the advice he could give.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

March 30, 2025

The expression upon Daniel's face shifted as she spoke to him, and he leaned back in his chair. "I want to say that you shouldn't worry about other people so much but…" His voice might have trailed off, but Max understood immediately what he meant. It was kind of hard not to worry about other people, with the world's being as it was. Death or serious injury always had been possibilities before, but it seemed as though those chances had skyrocketed.

"I kept my ability a secret from everyone for two years," Daniel explained to her. "I think that was the best thing for me and… Maybe it would be for you, too. I'm not sure. The most important thing is to accept it yourself. Nobody else matters."

Max gave a slight nod. "I guess it's really… I've got to know my limits," she said, "before I do something that I'll regret for the rest of my life. But it feels like… I'm never going to know what my limits are until I try to fix something—someone—and I can't." She felt caught between a rock and a hard place, but she didn't want anyone to suffer just because she had to experiment with what she could and couldn't do. "I mean, people haven't exactly written books about this stuff." She'd looked.

@daniel

[Deleted]

She said that she wanted to know her limits, but didn't want to expirement on people. Dan furrowed his brow. He'd never thought about that. He'd never held onto anyone for a long time just to see if he could … do something different with their emotions. What was he supposed to do? Try to change them? That was a crazy thought. He realized he had been silent for a long while, his eyebrows furrowed. He cleared his throat, slouching a little back into his chair. ”I honestly don't know what to say about that. I avoided it for so long I... I can't imagine waning to mess with it. But your ability is good. So... maybe some good could come out of testing it... I still think Mungos is your best bet.”

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

March 30, 2025

Across from her, Daniel remained quiet for longer than Max was comfortable. She wanted him to say something, just so that she would have some sort of reassurance that her thoughts hadn't missed the mark somewhere, but it didn't come. Daniel stayed silent, and Max kept waiting for some response. And then he cleared his throat.

He said that he didn't know what to say, which was an explanation for his sudden and prolonged silence. He had avoided "it"—his ability, Max assumed—for so long that he couldn't imagine wanting to mess with it. "But your ability is good," he reiterated to her. "So… maybe some good could come out of testing it… I still think Mungo's is your best bet."

"Would they would be willing to help me, do you think?" Max questioned. "It wouldn't… go against their… ethics or anything?" There was probably some rule about not letting sixteen-year-olds test their magic on patients at the hospital; there must have been.

@daniel

[Deleted]

He asked if he thought Mungo's would be willing to help, based on ethics or something. He laughed, "I think that they'll help you, but they might not until you graduate. Or over the summer... they probably have your studies to worry about. If not the hospital as an entity than someone in it, I'm sure. Just go through the networks to find a healer who's willing to experiment. Do you know any other than the nurse staff at school?" He wasn't sure why a student would really know any professional adults but he didn't know her life, right? She could have a friend or relative or friend of a relative or something that studied healing. It wasn't hard these days to find people who wanted to explore different methods either, not with the world in chaos and all.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

March 30, 2025

Rather than show concern for whatever standards she had been worried about Healers’ having to uphold, Daniel laughed. “I think that they'll help you, but they might not until you graduate,” he said. “Or over the summer… they probably have your studies to worry about.”

Max nodded as Daniel went on to explain that, if not the hospital as an entity, someone in it would be willing to help her. It made sense, though, that she wouldn’t be able to do much about it while she was in school. It was difficult enough just to get in and out of the castle to and from Hogsmeade anymore—and that was with a signed permission slip. She didn’t want to think about the challenge of trying to coordinate tests with someone at St. Mungo’s, especially if she had to go there in person. It wasn’t as though she could just wander off to the hospital.

“Just go through the networks to find a healer who's willing to experiment. Do you know any other than the nurse staff at school?”

Max shook her head. “No, I don’t. Not really.” Other than maybe some of the trainees, she couldn’t think of anyone she knew at St. Mungo’s—and especially not well enough to ask them outright about something like what she was looking for. It wasn’t as though she was actually looking for something dangerous; she knew that, and obviously Daniel knew that, but that didn’t mean that it wouldn’t sound as though she wanted someone to school her in the Dark Arts or something that was definitely illegal. “Do you?”

@daniel