i'm only steady on my knees [lucy]

[Deleted]

april 19, 2025

Oscar really needed a drink. It probably wouldn't help the headache now pounding full-force at the inside of his skull, but it would help his panicked and confused thoughts - or at least, that was the hope. He took a deep breath as he entered into the pub, grateful for the dimness and the relative quiet. The Flower Festival was continuing on like his life hadn't just been turned upside down, and it felt awful. How could the world keep spinning when so much had changed? What was worse, Oscar couldn't even sort out his feelings, because he didn't know what he was feeling. Half of his emotions were like smoke. They were there and they clouded everything, but as soon as he tried to capture them and name them, they disappeared.

He sighed. His nineteenth birthday, and his life had already gone to the dogs. Oscar took a seat at the bar, flagging down the bartender and ordering a firewhiskey. He didn't need to go back to France for another week. That was more than long enough to sleep off a hangover or five.

[Deleted]

Life had been going really well for Lucy Weasley. She was seeing someone she actually liked for the first time in forever, and she was actually starting to get things done both in the purifiers and within her own life. Not to mention Anna was making monumental strides. She was back to work, and she was actually starting to want to see people and go out again, which was just adding to Lucy’s joy. And it was all ruined when Anna came home crying one evening. She told Lucy everything. She had run into Oscar. He didn’t remember her or anything at all. After consoling Anna, Lucy decided to step out herself and go investigate. Being honest, she like Oscar, but not enough to want to help him. She loved Anna though. And she’d do anything to help her sister.

She stepped into the Hogshead and there he was, sitting at the bar, hunched over a fresh drink. She strutted over and took the bar stool next to him, making her presence known without speaking. She set her purse down on the counter and then turned to her brother in law. “welcome back to civilization.” she smirked, wondering how he had gotten himself into this situation.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Oscar didn’t mean to be rude, but the last person he wanted to see at that moment was Anna. She was the eye of the hurricane, the center of all his swirling thoughts, and he didn’t need her around to add to the swirling tempest. Naturally, she was the person who walked through the door, though. She was wearing different clothes than she had been earlier in the day, and was carrying a purse Oscar didn’t remember her having earlier, either. It was fine, though – people changed outfits to go out for a drink all the time.

When she welcomed him back to civilization, though, Oscar’s brow furrowed. Her tone was different, and the smirk was definitely new. “I never left civilization?” The word came out more questioning than he intended. Oscar only remembered living abroad in France – it wasn’t this civilization, but it was civilization nonetheless. He hadn’t explicitly told Anna as much, but he would’ve thought she could guess from his appearance. Maybe he was wrong?

(His head, as always, hurt.)

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

This was certainly Oscar, but Lucy felt what Anna was telling her, he wasn’t Oscar. He didn’t remember anything. That was fairly evident even in the one little sentence that he spoke to her. He said that he had never left civilizations and Lucy nodded, while she knew he had, at least briefly, since they had found his campsite far off the beaten path in France, she didn’t feel it best to bring that up right now. Lucy, being as people smart as she was, noticed how closed off and cold he was acting. She ordered a double shot of firewisky as the barkeep passed again. “I’m not Anna. I’m not going to bite your head off. You can relax.” she wasn’t sure that really would help him relax, but she was kind of enjoying being vague, in her own evil little way.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Not Anna? As if today wasn’t already confusing enough, a woman who looked the spitting image of his wife (he was still getting used to that word) was insisting she wasn’t. She also insisted she wasn’t going to bite his head off, which did little to comfort him. “Who are you?” She couldn’t just say she wasn’t his wife without any elaboration and expect him to know, especially not if she had been told about his memory loss. And actually, now that he thought about it, having his head bitten off wouldn’t be a bad thing; at least his headache would stop and he’d never have to think about the mess he had unwittingly gotten himself in ever again. Oscar took a sip of his drink – maybe if he drank enough he could pretend to pass out and be rid of this situation.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Lucy couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was too fun, she was being mean though, and she did like Oscar at least a little bit. “Lucy Weasley. Your wife’s identical twin sister. I’m sure that’s just what you wanted to hear. You and I have always had a decent friendship. You lived with me for a while.” a little actual explanation might do him some good, and she was feeling a little more generous now that she had been dramatic enough. But come on! How often do you get to play with someone with complete memory loss?! This was Lucy’s dream! “it’s nice to see you back.” she admitted in a mumble before downing her drink and instantly regretting it.

@oscar

[Deleted]

The woman introduced herself as Lucy Weasley, and Oscar put the pieces together right as Lucy clarified she was Anna’s identical twin. What were the odds of that? “Do you have any more siblings?” He asked. He was going to start being afraid of any redheads if more secret relations started popping up. Oscar wanted to ask Anna why she hadn’t mentioned her twin, but then again, he doubted she had been thinking about much other than the shock of having him return. He wouldn’t be thinking about giving a family history lesson under circumstances like that, either. Lucy said they had been decent friends, and had lived together, which Oscar filed away for later investigation. It hadn’t even occurred to him in his surprise over learning he had a wife that there might’ve been more people who were missing him. Lucy said it was nice to see him back, and Oscar choked back a surprised cough. Apparently, Lucy was one such person. “It is… nice to be back.” Never mind that he hadn’t actually made plans to return to England permanently.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Lucy shook her head. “no more siblings. But about a million cousins.” she told him, but she wasn’t sure if this information was as reassuring as he was hoping it would be. The Weasley clan was a massive one, he had known that when he married in, she couldn’t imagine having to relearn the family. “you really don’t remember…” Lucy stared at him as if trying to make sure he was the same man. There was no doubting that this was Oscar. But she couldn’t imagine a world where he didn’t remember her sister after their love story. It was sickening. “okay, let me fill you in a little. You met a school in Scotland, you came for the year with Beauxbatons. I’ll save you the sappy details but you were badly injured in June and you asked her to marry you. You got married over the summer and finally moved out of my place… I mean, lived happily ever after, until you went on some work trip to France in December and never came back.” she raised her hand to signal for another drink. “until now...”

@oscar

[Deleted]

No more siblings was a relief, but Oscar wondered what the chances were of him running into one of the cousins, if there were supposedly a million of them. He suspected Anna’s relatives knew the story of his disappearance, and repeatedly having to explain he apparently lost his memory wasn’t something he was interested in doing.

Lucy said he really didn’t remember, and Oscar nodded miserably. He wished he could, to make this make sense, but he only had snatches. “I fell,” Oscar whispered when Lucy said he was badly injured. He had nightmares about falling, and nightmares about drowning; at least now he knew the reason for it, and the reason for the scar that twisted up the side of his right leg. “I keep – it is strange, I remember things in… pieces.” Like a dream, he had told Anna. “Something happened on the trip,” he guessed. Oscar didn’t know how else he could’ve just forgotten over a year of his life.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Lucy listened as Oscar seemed to remember a little bit. He said he had fallen, which prompted a nod from the redhead. Honestly, she couldn’t remember exactly what happened to him on the ship, but it sounded right enough. He explained that he was remembering little things in pieces. She couldn’t say she had ever heard of such a thing but who was she to say? “here…” she said, reaching into her purse and pulling out the book she had kept hidden since Christmas when she found it. Anna didn’t even know she had it. “maybe this will help spark a few more pieces.” she had vaguely flipped through its pages but all she saw were notes about his work. She hadn’t delved into the words written. She couldn’t saw she cared enough. “I also have a turn of yours and a rucksack. If you want them back.” there was actually a lot she had ended up keeping from Anna. She was going to give them to her, but then she started to turn around and Lucy didn’t want to risk triggering her into another state of depression.

@oscar

[Deleted]

When Lucy reached into her purse Oscar’s first reaction was to stiffen. He didn’t believe she’d hurt him, but there was some long-buried reflex that apparently disliked people reaching into unknown bags. Instead of a weapon, Lucy pulled out a… book? When Lucy flipped through it, Oscar recognized his own handwriting sprawled across the pages. Maybe it would contain worthwhile memories, like a diary. “Where did you get them from?” Oscar asked. As far as he knew, all of his belongings were in his home in France. He couldn’t even remember enough to know that things were missing. “But I would like them back, yes.” Oscar couldn’t escape from this, from this second life he had, so his better bet was to learn as much about it as possible. “Thank you,” he added a bit belatedly. “I’m sorry I hurt Anna.” Oscar suspected Lucy bore the brunt of Anna’s emotional turmoil, if they were as close as they seemed to be. Maybe it was Anna he ought to be apologizing to, but he doubted she’d accept it.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Oscar asked where she got it all from and she sighed. That was a bit of a long story. “When Anna hadn’t heard from you in a few weeks and no one at your office knew where you were, we went looking for you. Over Christmas we went to France and followed your traces as much as we could. Eventually, Christmas Day actually, we found a little camp in a deep growth area, we found all this there. Anna found your wedding ring. She basically passed out then and I grabbed everything else I could.” she explained. “it took a long time to get her to even leave the house after that… she’s just acting like herself again…” she didn’t blame Oscar, well, okay, she did a little bit. But she couldn’t help but think that things would have been easier if he hadn’t come back. He said that he was sorry he hurt Anna and she shrugged. “I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t have on purpose…” she wasn’t going to pretend they had been best friends, but she had lived with him. Though even when they lived together he didn’t know the real her. Anna didn’t know either. “the question is, what are you going to do now?” was he staying at the house he and Anna had lived in? Was he doing something else? Was he even staying in England?

@oscar

[Deleted]

Lucy explained what had happened – that they found a camp where he had been staying, which was where Anna had gotten his ring from. Oscar withdrew the ring from his pocket, twirling it absent-mindedly between his fingers. He winced when Lucy said Anna passed out, the ring momentarily pausing in his fingers. That must’ve been difficult for both of them. “You think she is going to get bad again?” Oscar asked when Lucy mentioned Anna had just started acting like herself again. He didn’t want to make Anna’s life worse.

At least Lucy seemed to know none of this was something he had asked for. He was just doing best he could with the hand he had unexpectedly been dealt. “I do not know,” he answered when Lucy asked what his next steps were. “I do not even know if Anna wants me back.” Having someone with his face but not his memory must’ve been awful for her, and Oscar hadn’t even paused to ask if it was worth the trial – if he was worth the trial.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Oscar asked a questions that Lucy knew was completely dependent on what his plans were. If he left Anna and decided not to be married, she was sure that Anna would fall back into a possibly even deeper depression. This would be him actively choosing to leave her instead of dying and not getting the choice. It would break her well past her breaking point. “Anna married you. You might not know her right now, but trust me, Anna is the most level headed and realistic person I know. She wouldn’t have promised you forever if she didn’t intend it to be forever. She wants you.” Lucy insisted before scoffing at herself for being so sappy about it all. Anna really got to her.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Lucy said that Anna had married him, and Oscar sighed. “Anna married a version of me I do not remember ever being. She promised him forever. And I do not know… What if I am not him?” He didn’t want to disappoint Anna with who he was now. It was all well and good that Anna wanted a life with the husband she remembered, and she seemed like a person that Oscar could spend forever with, but he wasn’t who she remembered. He might never be the person she remembered, and it wouldn’t it hurt them both if they tried to cling to something that didn’t exist? And if he was ever to get back to the person Anna remembered him being, it would be grueling. Asking Anna to do that for a person she didn’t even really know seemed unfair.

@lucyweasley