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last online Mar 28, 2024 11:48:40 GMT -7
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Aug 13, 2019 13:54:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 13:54:40 GMT -7
april 4, 2025 Sander was still getting used to being around people again; months in the wilderness with nothing but animals for company made it difficult to adjust to humanity again, especially when his job still put him in close quarters with more animals than people. That had been why instead of going to the Leaky Cauldron for some post-work unwinding, Lysander had decided to spend time at the less-crowded Fountain of Fair Fortune. He had meant to try some dragon scale after hearing it was significantly less sweet than butterbeer, but had never had the time or opportunity - until now.
Sander had sat himself at the bar in an attempt to force himself to be more social, since the whole idea of this excursion was to get used to civilization again. Sander wasn't normally the kind to strike up a barside conversation, but he vowed to himself that whoever next walked through the door, he'd talk to. For science.
Casimir Elias Karkaroff
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last online Oct 5, 2023 2:09:17 GMT -7
STUDYING ABROAD
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Aug 13, 2019 14:01:19 GMT -7
Post by Casimir Elias Karkaroff on Aug 13, 2019 14:01:19 GMT -7
It had been approximately one day since Cas had received the latest aggravating letter from his younger brother. He’d been agonizing over its contents and how best to respond. The logistics, of course – all the people he’d have to write to, the little gifts he’d have to organize to smooth over his mother’s latest fit. But the injustice of it all. Of Aleksander writing to him constantly for guidance and instructions, but then berating him for being far from home as if it meant he didn’t care.
Cas left work frazzled, not nearly as put together as he always was. He cut a path straight for Horizon Alley, for the local pub where no one would recognize him or seek advice or favors. He sat down heavily at the bar, with none of his usual decorum, and grumbled to the bartender, “give me the strongest thing you’ve got.” His brother’s letter was clutched tight in his hand, and he stared daggers at the words. It’s all for you! Cas wanted to scream, although he bit his tongue instead as he waited for his drink.
@lysander
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last online Mar 28, 2024 11:48:40 GMT -7
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Aug 13, 2019 14:06:36 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 14:06:36 GMT -7
Maybe Sander should have thought his promise to himself through a little more, because the next person who came through the door didn’t look like someone who would appreciate being bothered by a stranger. He looked stormy, and when he spoke to the bartender, he definitely sounded disgruntled. Sander wasn’t the best at reading people, so if he could tell someone wasn’t having a good day, it was probably a very bad day indeed. The man had something in his hand, and Sander’s eyes flickered to it, curiosity getting the better of him.
“Hard day?” Sander’s voice was surprisingly smooth, and he was proud of himself for not squeaking despite his terror that the other man at the bar might take out the woes of the day on him. Maybe, Sander thought, it would be better if he treated the other man like a frightened animal instead of a person. He knew how to deal with animals, after all.
Casimir Elias Karkaroff
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last online Oct 5, 2023 2:09:17 GMT -7
STUDYING ABROAD
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Aug 13, 2019 14:15:38 GMT -7
Post by Casimir Elias Karkaroff on Aug 13, 2019 14:15:38 GMT -7
The bartender worked mercifully quickly, and it wasn’t long before he placed a mysterious glass in front of Cas. The Karkaroff didn’t miss a beat and downed half of it at once before setting it down roughly. A small voice in the back of his head warned him to cool his jets and restrain himself, that he was showing an uncharacteristic level of emotion that could come back later with a vengeance.
But he was so, so tired of listening to that voice. It was the same voice that created a seemingly impenetrable level of distance between Cas and the rest of his life, and the same one now responsible for sending him far away from his family. He could never share his true motives with anyone -- who knew what revealing that weakness could do to him? His deep level of focus on his drink was broken at the sound of a voice from the next seat over. “Hard day?” Cas repeated gruffly. He idly wound his hand around his drink. “Hard life. It’s never enough. I’m never enough.”
@lysander
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last online Mar 28, 2024 11:48:40 GMT -7
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Aug 13, 2019 14:20:28 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 14:20:28 GMT -7
Lysander watched as the man downed his drink, somewhat impressed. He had only had a few sips of his dragon scale – he couldn’t imagine pounding back half a drink that undoubtedly tasted like jet fuel. The man repeated Sander’s question, and then took it one step further – saying it was a hard life. Sander couldn’t exactly relate, so he just nodded politely. If this was an animal, Sander would have offered it a treat of some sort, but since this was a human… Sander gestured to the bartender for another round of drinks, hoping that maybe alcohol was the person equivalent of a sugar cube.
“Family troubles?” Sander guessed. That always seemed to be the source of people feeling inadequate – an overbearing family. Lysander was grateful his family wasn’t that way, but he had seen more than one classmate buckle under the stress of their parents wanting them to be perfect, and he had sympathy for those people.
Casimir Elias Karkaroff
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last online Oct 5, 2023 2:09:17 GMT -7
STUDYING ABROAD
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Aug 13, 2019 14:36:50 GMT -7
Post by Casimir Elias Karkaroff on Aug 13, 2019 14:36:50 GMT -7
In all honesty, this conversation was the last thing Cas wanted to think about at the moment. Conversations required finesse, and thoughtful answers, and cautiousness. Cas didn’t have any of those right now – all he could feel was the heaviness of his responsibilities and the weight of the letter in his hand. He was indignant, frustrated, but above all sorely disappointed that this was all that had come from years of careful calculations.
“Always,” Cas agreed at the probing question. Family troubles was a succinct way of putting it. “They expect…so much from me.” For the first time, Cas redirected his gaze from his half-finished drink to the person he’d inadvertently sat down next to. He scanned the other guy’s face, his drink, the way he sat on his stool. But instead of putting all the context clues together to determine the best role to adopt for this conversation, Cas just sighed and turned back to his drink. “It’s exhausting,” he confessed, “to pretend to be who they want. Someone who doesn’t exist.” He was still clutching the letter tightly in his hand, but he forced himself to set it down and smooth out the wrinkles.
@lysander
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last online Mar 28, 2024 11:48:40 GMT -7
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Aug 13, 2019 14:45:11 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 14:45:11 GMT -7
The man replied that family troubles were always plaguing him, which was sad to hear. Apparently, his family expected a lot from him, just as Lysander had guessed. Not knowing who this man was, Sander couldn’t offer anything personalized beyond just a nod that he hoped came across as supportive. The bartender returned with the second round of drinks Sander had ordered, and he pushed one over to the other man as he continued talking about his family and how they exhausted him.
“Who do they want you to be?” Sander asked, cocking his head to the side. He didn’t pretend he knew how to fix this, but he suspected the man next to him could use a listening ear. And, in this case, maybe not knowing each other was a boon rather than a burden; they could both walk out of the bar, and Sander would likely never interact with the man again. Thus, he could say just about anything he wanted without feat of judgement. When the man put his letter down, Sander forced himself not to look down to find a name. He didn’t want to know.
Casimir Elias Karkaroff
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last online Oct 5, 2023 2:09:17 GMT -7
STUDYING ABROAD
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Aug 13, 2019 14:55:30 GMT -7
Post by Casimir Elias Karkaroff on Aug 13, 2019 14:55:30 GMT -7
Cas sighed deeply and forced himself to finish his drink at a slower pace. The absolute last thing he needed was to drink too much and start spilling true secrets. Family problems were one beast to confront, but betrayal? Ouroboros? Both topics were far more precious than one night of freedom.
His seatmate’s question was loaded enough for Cas to give a thoughtful hum before shrugging. “The head of the family. The answer to all their problems? The one who’s got it all figured out so they don’t have to.” He couldn’t be sure how much sense he was really making. He had never shared everything weighing down his soul before, and these deliberations certainly weren’t the extent of it. But they were more than he’d shared in a long time and the thought was equal parts freeing and terrifying. When the other man pushed a drink over to him, Cas accepted it with a grateful nod of his head.
He considered the drink for a moment before picking it up. “Cheers.” Cas took only a sip this time before eyeing his neighbor. “I can’t even decide if it’s better to leave all this behind or to lose myself completely to them.”
@lysander
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last online Mar 28, 2024 11:48:40 GMT -7
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Aug 13, 2019 15:05:30 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 15:05:30 GMT -7
Sander flinched when the man said his family expected him to be the head of his family as well as the answer to all their problems, and the one who had things figured out. Maybe Sander couldn’t relate to an overbearing family, but he could definitely relate to feeling pressured to have life figured out. He suspected most people felt that pressure, especially immediately after graduation, but it must’ve been difficult for that pressure to be external rather than internal. Sander hummed his sympathy, picking up his own drink to tap against the stranger’s when he toasted.
“It sounds to me like you’re going to have regrets either way,” Sander said when the other man said he didn’t know what to do. Those were the worst decisions to make – the ones that hurt no matter what. “So you might as well do what makes you happy.”
Casimir Elias Karkaroff
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last online Oct 5, 2023 2:09:17 GMT -7
STUDYING ABROAD
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Aug 13, 2019 15:14:18 GMT -7
Post by Casimir Elias Karkaroff on Aug 13, 2019 15:14:18 GMT -7
Family problems truly were a universal phenomenon. One of Cas’s lamentations solicited a reaction from his new drinking partner. It didn’t go unnoticed, but Cas didn’t comment on it. Everybody was entitled to their secrets, everybody had their own burdens to carry, and he really couldn’t be sure how much truth a question could uncover anyway. In Cas’s profession, and in his life, honesty was a hard thing to come by.
He’d mostly been staring down into the bottom of his glass as he drank through his feelings, but his neighbor’s comments had him twist in his seat to consider him. Cas didn’t know the other man, didn’t care to go through the motions of typical small talk. But it was clear they came from very different backgrounds, and he couldn’t imagine the type of family life the other man had come from if he believed happiness was possible. Cas gave a humorless chuckle. “Regrets come aplenty,” he agreed, “but happiness doesn’t exist in my world. You have your duties, your… arrangements, and then everything else.” It was a simple fact of life that’d he resigned himself to – he didn’t dare to dream that things could be otherwise.
Cas gave his neighbor a contemplative look. The thought could be worth entertaining. “What makes you happy?”
@lysander
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last online Mar 28, 2024 11:48:40 GMT -7
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Aug 13, 2019 15:54:12 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 15:54:12 GMT -7
Sander couldn’t help but visibly recoil when the other man said that happiness didn’t exist in his world. What sort of life must that be, not to believe that happiness was even possible? There had been times in Lysander’s life when he wasn’t happy in that moment, but he had always believed there was a light at the end of the tunnel. How someone could go through life without that hope, Sander didn’t know. Then again, the man was at a bar drinking to forget his problems – Sander was only there to be social.
At the question about his own happiness, Sander blinked. There were plenty of things that made him happy, and listing them all was impossible. He started with the easiest one. “Seeing the world makes me happy, because I get to see the good in it. Animals make me happy, because I get to help them and feel like I made a difference. My family makes me happy, because they always support me. I met a girl, and she makes me happy just by smiling.” He shrugged. He could spend the rest of the night at the bar talking about things that made him happy, from his mother’s ice-blue voice to the way sunlight sparkled on the water and everything in between. Why couldn’t this man find even a little thing to make him happy?
Casimir Elias Karkaroff
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