Before You Go (OPEN)

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Graduation, 2025

The White Tomb was the last place that Maxima Greyback would have expected anyone to be as the students from the year above hers began their last day at Hogwarts, but she had felt the need to go there. It might have been the site of Albus Dumbledore's grave, but, for Max, that wasn't the point. A year before, Elias should have been graduating from Durmstrang, but the ship—like the Beauxbatons carriage—had exploded before he had gotten the chance.

It only felt right to acknowledge what had happened, if only in some small way. As relieved as she was that Adrian was back and safe, Max knew that she would never be able to forget about what had happened to Elias. She had barely had the opportunity to know him, her own flesh and blood, and she had to question whether part of the reason why she stood with a bouquet of conjured flowers in her hands was due to guilt.

How many others had taken for granted the same celebrations? It was a morbid thought, maybe, but gravesites weren't exactly full of happy thoughts, were they? Max knew the list of the dead from the explosions as though they had happened just the day before. And then there were the other murdered students, the ones whose deaths had brought into question the appropriateness of holding the Triwizard Tournament at Hogwarts at all.

Max breathed in, setting the flowers at the base of the tomb. She didn't want anyone to see her cry, but it was challenging not to feel the sting of tears. At least everyone else was busy; she would be able to rejoin the crowds before anyone would notice.

[Deleted]

maxima ruqayyah greyback

if someone had asked him a few says ago if he'd be wandering about the grounds on his graduation day, then he'd have told them they were wrong. he assumed he'd spend most of the day in celebration. after all he finally was done. the countless hours spent on homework, dipping a quill into ink, lesson after lesson and the years of sharing a room with three other people were over. his time at school was done and before today he couldn't have been happier about it. but now it was over? well there was this small sense of apprehension that was bubbling under the surface and no amount of smiling would get rid of. he guessed it was because he wasn't sure what was to some. his life had been pretty planned out for the last seven years. his lessons had been structured, he'd had somewhere to be most times and most of the time he'd known what was expected of him and what he had to do. he was stepping into a world where he knew almost nothing. it hadn't hit him until he'd woken up just how daunting it was actually going to be.

he found himself at the grave on the grounds. the stark white tomb that held a former headmaster, one that some would argue was the best. he might have been slightly biased but he thought there was one better currently sitting in that office. he rubbed the back of his neck when he spotted that someone was already there, a small bouquet of flowers in her hands. he almost turned back but he didn't. he walked up to her, clearing his throat when he was a few steps away to warn her so she didn't spook. there was a lot of reasons in the wizarding world to spook right now and he didn't want to be on the wrong side of s curse right now. "thinking of anyone in particular?" he asked her softly, his voice quiet on the air as he came to stand beside her, his gaze cast out onto the still water before them.

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Hearing the sound of someone clearing their throat, Max turned. She almost expected it to be one of the staff, having come to tell her off for some reason or another. Still, there was nothing that said that she couldn’t go to the tomb to mourn. And it hadn’t been a member of the school’s staff, anyway. It was Luke Weasley, who Max was surprised to see wasn’t over somewhere with his family members.

“Thinking of anyone in particular?” he asked, though it didn’t sound to Max as though he was attempting to pry.

She nodded her head. “Yeah.” She knew that she could have pretended as though it had been nothing, but there wasn’t any use in keeping it a secret. Luke could probably see how choked up she was, and it took Max another moment before she felt comfortable speaking without the fear of crying. “I-I was thinking about Elias,” she answered him, her voice breaking a little.

Max looked back down at the flowers and swallowed; it was easier than trying to make eye contact. “A-And everyone else, I guess,” she added. Because it hadn’t been just Elias. It was nearly everyone else aboard the Durmstrang ship and the Beauxbatons carriage, too. Almost every one of them had perished.

@luke

[Deleted]

maxima ruqayyah greyback

it wasn't her voice that gave her away. it was the pause she took between her words. the sound of someone trying not to cry was one of the loudest sounds he could think of, it was something that only someone without any thought or feeling towards other people would miss. it was her brother that had her all choked up. he couldn't imagine how hard it would be to loose someone like that. he only had harper and ondina and while they weren't exactly close as siblings went, he couldn't imagine how the world would feel if they weren't in it anymore. she mentioned everyone else too but he wondered if that was an afterthought. a lot of people had died, that was true enough but for everyone who had lost someone in those attacks, there would always be people who stood out more.

"do you want to talk about him?" he asked her, wondering if that was the right thing to say. he himself was more of a feel it and deal with it kind of person, that's how he got through loss. though he'd been luckier than some of his fellow students. the only person he'd lost had been his uncle and while it had hurt and he'd grieved, it was somehow different.

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Graduation, 2025

"Do you want to talk about him?"

Immediately, Max shook her head, still looking at the flower bouquet. "There isn't… very much to say," she answered him. There really wasn't much to say, in her opinion. She hadn't known Elias the way that she knew Odette or Jamie or Adrian; there was little more that she could say besides what she had already said a million times before—how much it hurt that she would never get to know him, how soon and how tragically he had died.

She looked back up at Luke, sniffling a little. "I…" Max didn't even know what it was that she wanted to say, and her voice broke again when she did. "It's… They never got… this," she spoke quietly. "Elias—or a-anyone, and… Maybe I'm just… o-overthink—overthinking everything, but…"

@luke

[Deleted]

maxima ruqayyah greyback

he glanced from the flowers in her hands to the ground and he understood. it was hard to admit but if he had to sit there and talk about his own siblings if they were gone he didn't know what he's say. he and ondina had never been close and really neither had he and harper. he loved harper and even ondina to a degree but he wouldn't be able to sit there and reminisce about them and past good times.

he chewed his lip and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. she was probably wishing that someone else had found her, after all he wasn't the greatest at comforting words. looked at her when he heard her voice break and it saddened him a little. he'd never lost a sibling, only an uncle so he didn't know what it was to loose someone so close, just that blood connection would be hard to loose. "i don't think they'd hold it against us max." he said quietly, glancing back at the water. "overthinking is normal." he did it more than he'd like to admit. "it's okay to be sad though."

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Graduation, 2025

It seemed that the poignancy wasn't lost on Luke, either. Although he still spoke to her, he had gone much quieter than before. He said that he didn't think that they—the others there to celebrate the graduating students—would hold it against them for overthinking. Overthinking was normal, he told her, and he reminded her that it was okay to be sad.

Max knew that he was right about the fact that it was okay to be sad, but he was probably right about the others' not being judgmental, too. Aside from the students who had arrived at Hogwarts for their final year in the short weeks and months that had followed the tragedy of what had happened to the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang delegations to Hogwarts, they had been there for it. It wasn't just him or her or a handful of people. They had lived it and lived with it.

She watched the water in the lake. It was calm and dark, and who knew how deep it really was? She glanced back over at Luke but didn't turn her head, and then she looked back to the lake again. He and the other students in his year would be crossing it in the boats once more, as they had before the start of their first year.

There might have been nothing wrong with being sad, but Max didn't want to cry if she could avoid it—not that she felt very confident in her ability to resist tears. For a moment, she just stood there and allowed herself time to breathe. She could feel the muscles in her face slacking as her breathing came out shallow. "…Y-You alright?" she checked with Luke, looking back over in his direction.

@luke

[Deleted]

maxima ruqayyah greyback

was he alright? he'd been lucky really. he hadn't really gotten close to any of the student that had come over from beuaxbatons. there wasn't any particular reason behind it, he just hadn't really found the time to have more than a three minute conversation with any of them. there was always a class to go to, a club to participate in and a quidditch game to practice for. had he been shocked when the carriage had been attacked? of course. had he mourned for the students that had lost their lives? of course. he just hadn't had the added personal grief that came from knowing someone well.

"i'm good." he said almost softly as he turned his gaze back to the younger student. he took the first proper look at her face for the first time in a few moments and he saw how close to tears she was. he shifted a little, moving from one foot to the other as he brought his hand up to the back of his neck and dug his fingers lightly into his skin. he'd never been good with people crying. he could sympathise while someone was sad, try and say the right things to try and cheer someone up but once tears started, he was almost helpless.

those little tiny drops of salt water that rolled down people's cheeks were almost a weakness. he knew people needed to cry though, he wasn't heartless, he just didn't know how to deal with tears. "you can cry if you want." he said as he glanced back towards the water. "i doubt anyone will judge you for it." the words sounded stupid coming out of his mouth to him but in that moment it was all he had.

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Graduation, 2025

"I'm good," Luke reassured her. He looked a little uncomfortable standing there and scratched at the back of his neck. Max knew that it was awkward, and she hated it just as much. She wasn't someone who did well with expressing emotion, in general, though she had gotten better at it with time.

"You can cry if you want," he added, though he looked back at the water instead of at her. The tears were already there, and Max held them back a moment longer. "I doubt anyone will judge you for it."

Max swallowed again. She hated it. She hated that she felt that she couldn't cry so openly, since it was supposed to be a special occasion. And it was. And she probably should have been celebrating Adrian instead of crying over Elias. And there were just so many other factors that made it too hard to make sense of any of… anything anymore.

She knew that she was going to cry, and she didn't even try to stop herself. There wasn't much point in it, though she looked at the tomb and the bouquet she'd placed before it. Maybe there were people who thought she looked silly like that. Max didn't care. Her vision blurred a little as she blinked away her tears, bringing her fist to her mouth to keep from sobbing too loudly.

Eventually, she looked to Luke again. "I'm sorry," she mouthed, shaking her head. It must have been weird for him to watch.

@luke