head in the clouds | deva

[rhys alexander greyback]

And if I may just take your breath away
I don't mind if there's not much to say

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

The Hogwarts grounds had been bustling in the earlier part of the day, exams were over and they had a couple of weeks until the term ended for the Summer Holiday. Rhys always approached the end of the school year with a sort of trepidation. While the other students went home Rhys ended up back at the Orphanage and he would remain there until he became of age this August. It was nice outside and he'd made his way to his favorite hiding spot near the forest and the lake where students didn't really both to wander to. It was actually his second favorite, usually   he was sitting on the Quidditch Bleachers   while it was being unused by practice or bored students and he supposed it made him feel a bit closer to the game he hadn't been able to play. His green tie was loose around his neck and his cloak forgotten the ground next to him as he paged through his Numerology text book. It was one of his favorite classes and really he liked skimming through his textbooks to pass the time. 

Exams were over, his older friends had finished their NEWTs and were about to graduate while his younger friends had taken their OWLs--this included his girlfriend Deva. Girlfriend. Now that was something he had not expected to happen during his time here. Now at the end of his 6th year, Rhys had grown accustomed to the stares and the whispering when he walked by some groups. He found a trend in those with names associated with the last War and Purebloods versus other students who hadn't a clue who Fenrir Greyback was. She would have finished her OWLs by now by Rhys hadn't sought her out yet, he was hiding for a reason. Rhys and Deva had become friends at beginning of the previous year when she took the only empty seat in the library next to him and was working on her Potions homework. He had seen how frustrated she was getting and had ended up helping her with her assignment. Since then, despite the house differences they'd become good friends. 

By the Christmas holidays Rhys had become entirely smitten with the girl, which had surprised him considering he'd been harboring a long time crush on someone else. This had just appeared out of nowhere and it made him a little anxious. Still, the past seven months or so now had been more good than bad, he loved her and though he knew it by Christmas he hadn't said it until around Valentine's Day--and she said it back. The bad parts had been dark for him. Rhys told her he was a werewolf, who his father was and what he had done, what his childhood had been like and the things he had seen. She stayed with him, he felt everyday he didn't deserve this and he meant that in the typical cutesy way but also other students had told him as much. Some to his face, some behind his back in the classroom where he could still hear them or when he turned the corner. Not all of her Hufflepuff friends had been thrilled she was dating a Slytherin, let alone a Greyback. 

Rhys knew that people had most likely confronted her and told her to her face just as much, but she never admitted it to him. His façade may have been stoic and calm but internally he was your typical angsty teenage boy with added life trauma and his name. The past month or so he'd felt like he was slipping farther and farther into his thoughts, his doubts creeping up and his previous darkness settling back in. It was hard to push back, they were all right.... He felt as though he was being selfish tying such a smart, beautiful and successful girl to his reputation. Rhys thought about this big brown eyes looking at him with their glint of happiness and it just brought a lump to his throat. He didn't deserve it, none of it. 

[Deleted]

Everything had been going so well this year! Not only did Deva have herself a great group of friends, she'd fallen in love and actually gotten in a relationship with the guy she fancied. Everything had been like walking on clouds for a little while. She was happy. Unfortunately, as soon as her friends realised exactly why she'd been so chipper, things slowly started to go down hill. It started simple. They just fell a bit quiet when she was gushing about her boyfriend and dates and all that sort of stuff. Then came the meaningful looks they exchanged when she mentioned him. Next came the suggestions that maybe she wasn't being very smart in trust him. Then came the comments on every bit of rumour they could latch on to about her boyfriend.

As if that alone wasn't enough to get her stressed out, there came letters from home. She read the first few that cautioned her to be careful, although the tone got more decisive after the first few. Everybody seemed hell bent on destroying her relationship with this boy all because of who his father was. Deva was severely disappointed in a lot of people after that. They all should know better. His father didn't determine who he was and she was annoyed nobody else seemed to be able to look beyond that one little fact.

Then the rush passed and the doubts started creeping in. He had a temper and got in detention a few times. She never broke rules and she worried for him getting expelled with all the prejudice already present against him. It wasn't too bad at that point. The bad came when they started spending less time together. When they were together it wasn't too uncommon to have the feeling his mind was elsewhere, like he wasn't in the moment. Well, she wasn't having any of that today! She'd gathered up the best of herself and gone to the grounds where they sometimes hung out together when they needed to get away from the rest of the world for just a moment.

The moment she saw him, she smiled and skipped over, hugging him instantly. She didn't care what anybody said, it was her life and he wasn't trying to make her break any rules. She hadn't seen him break any either. So what if he had a temper? Many people did. "Rhys!" She said happily. "I think I totally rocked out on the potions OWL! I was so worried but it helped that you tutored me! I think I'll have a passing grade at the very least." She was very pleased with herself and happy that he'd been helping her out. Since he was a year above her, it had made things a little easier on her. She grabbed his hand softly, almost without thinking. "How have your end of term exams gone? Do you think you passed them all?" She asked curiously, hoping they could finally get a moment stolen for just the two of them again.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

And if I may just take your breath away
I don't mind if there's not much to say

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

Those big brown eyes and that smile, her big and happy smile that reflected her whole personality. Rhys knew that house division was a very real thing at Hogwarts but from what he'd heard it had been worse prior to the last war. Although now the triggers were usually last names, names like his own. There probably would not have been many couples that lasted with pressure from friends and family to not be together although in this case it was clearly one sided. The first barrier had been the house division, what was a Hufflepuff doing with a Slytherin. And then what was she doing with a Greyback? A werewolf for that matter. It had always been an assumption but never directly asked of him, although he did confirm it to Deva as a matter of honesty.

Rhys wasn't someone who responded to stress incredibly well, although he could push through it he did it by essentially shutting down and turning your typical temperamental teenage boy. Deva stood by him, even when he got himself in trouble because he got angry or got into an altercation with another student who said something he didn't like. Maybe it was his nature to be this way but he always wondered how much his personality was effected by his lycanthropy. Rhys had been lost in thought, staring at the pages in his book but not reading them when he heard his name and his eyes darted up. There she was, skipping toward him a big smile on her face. These were the moments that took away his doubt for a moment and he half-smiled.

Deva sat down next to him and hugged him, giddy about her exam that was probably her least favorite subject but one of Rhys' strengths. It was her energy, that contagious high-spirited nature that had first attracted him to her and then of course those eyes, that smile--she was beautiful. Even though she hadn't told him about what her friends and family would say he knew based on his own experiences and her demeanor had always changed those days she got letters. The smile was on her face but inside she was hurting and it hurt him to know he was the cause. "I think I did okay, it'll just be the NEWTS next year I have to worry about." Rhys was intelligent, to the point that the Sorting Hat had almost placed him in Ravenclaw.

Rhys grabbed her hand back, it felt good for her to be so close to him. He'd always tried hard to remember the good times since the beginning of the year, but his head always out shadowed that. There was a heavy feeling in his chest, he loved her and all their time spent together. It was hard to focus on her right here with him when all he could think about was how it wouldn't work, it couldn't--could it? They had talked about this, or really those had been what they argued about if and when they did argue. It was like a wall he couldn't climb, even with her help. "I knew you would do well on Potions, you didn't need me for that."

[Deleted]

It always gave Deva a sense of pride that she could look further than just a name, a house or a condition. She hated how many people got stuck on them. In a way she worried about Rhys because he had all three against him. Slytherin shouldn't be seen as the house of evil, but it was. It was a total shame. It was true that Slytherin had quite a few dark wizards to their name but that didn't mean that everybody in Slytherin would go evil. Definitively not Rhys. She knew how much his last name and heritage tortured him but he'd never done anything to hurt her or that would have made her unsafe. How evil could he really be?

Deva nodded briefly as Rhys mentioned the NEWTs next year. She had been very nervous about her OWLs and was already dreading the NEWTs even though they were still two full school years away for her. At least she got to drop some of her courses now that she just wasn't all that into. She wanted to do well and get the grades needed to get the job she'd set her sights on but she wasn't fully sure which other classes to keep. She was sure defence against the dark arts wouldn't hurt but it felt like potions was just too difficult for her to take it to NEWT level. She knew that she could manage the more basic potions where needed and that she had the basics of potion making down well enough to manage but she didn't seek to be an expert in it. It just wasn't really her field.

She sighed and leaned back a little. "I'm glad I don't have to worry about my NEWTs yet. It's a bit crazy to think about that for now. I'm happy I get to drop a bunch of classes though. It'll be nice to get a lighter course load for the final years so I can focus on them a bit more." She wasn't dumb, but her strengths were not really in most of the courses outside charms and some transfiguration. She was good at performing magic when there wasn't a timer on how long she could take to finish it. Or no pressure of being attacked. On that point she definitively wasn't like her father or uncles at all. All the aurors in the family at times made her feel like she'd missed out on the family lottery of skills. It wasn't that she wasn't brave, but she definitively wasn't brave enough to face those challenges. Still, she was good with rules and forms and took after her mother a lot on that point. She just didn't really want to be a lawyer due to her fault of always wanting to see the best in people. It wasn't always useful in court after all.

She shook her head with a slight smile, happy they were not fighting today. "Maybe not, but it's not my forte. I'm definitively dropping potions. With your help I got good enough to manage in daily life but I don't plan to pursue any sort of career that requires a NEWT in potions. I'm definitively keeping charms and transfiguration though. I'd be a fool to drop charms considering that it is my best subject." That was very much true. Charms was her best subject by far, although she did decently on several others. The only reason she considered continuing DADA had more to do with knowing her parents wanted her to. With a time of peace like this, she didn't see how relevant it would be for her future. It wasn't like back in the days of the war, when only fools would have dropped it.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

Rhys had always shied away from people that were trying to get close and were trying to be nice to him, he hadn't been one that opened up easily preferring to observe and focus on his own agenda but then some people persisted. Fortunately, there was the population of the school that hadn't known who Fenrir was (until they were updated) and some that just didn't care. Rhys was pretty certain that students quite literally assumed Fenrir raised him and then sent him off to school with the other kids but had they just asked him Rhys would happily tell them he didn't want any of this. There were some details he left out naturally, even with Deva or his other close friends. He'd never admitted that his mother had died in front of him or that Fenrir had assaulted her and then he was the evidence. All Rhys would tell you was that his mother had died when he was five and Fenrir had bitten him.

Rhys was only mildly concerned about his NEWTs, although they were about a full year away he had ambitions for what he wanted to do. Maybe he could join the Ministry and be a productive member of magical society in that capacity and show that his name didn't mean bloodthirsty violence. He could be a Hit Wizard or work in the Magical Law Enforcement department of some kind. With all the classes he was taking and doing well in he had a lot of options but he wanted that sole option and as much as he told himself not to, he was wagering a lot over the next year. Rhys chuckled, knowing how much she detested Potions and she wouldn't have to take it now that OWLs were done. The tumultuous nature of his mind was settling a bit, her presence had always been calming even if it was harder and harder to keep out the external and internal voices telling him to doubt, it won't work, you don't deserve this. He was tired for a lack of sleep and he didn't want to argue either.

Shifting a bit so he was more against the tree he pulled Deva close to him so she was between his legs but her back leaning on his chest, Rhys hugged her close to him. Her warmth, the way her hair smelled, he felt her soft skin as he kissed her on the cheek, it made his heart flutter still. Rhys had never known what it was to be loved unreservedly, so when it began to happen it had made him nervous, very nervous to the point of resisting the urge to push it away. But he didn't and here they were. Rhys listened as she spoke about dropping certain courses to focus on the ones she wanted for NEWTs, knowing her background and drive he wondered if there was some pressure to follow the family line and their careers or were they accepting of her choices. Well, most of them anyway. "You have any idea what you want to do after you graduate?" Rhys asked, there were so many options for them as students, though he knew her family had a presence in the Ministry.

Having Deva so close to him made him feel good, he remembered all their happy moments. When she first kissed him and after he'd gotten over the shock of it he kissed her back. The times they would sneak around after hours in secret, even finally finding the room of requirement once and Rhys told her he loved her. All that always flooded in his mind and he would feel good for a while until the dark thoughts came back, the whispers and rumors, people telling them he wasn't good for her and Rhys already fighting himself and figuring out what the heck he did to deserve this. Everyone was fine with them being friends, but anything more than that crossed lines for people. They would argue about it, always unfinished arguments as Rhys would walk away so he could find some wall or something to punch undisturbed. The cost of keeping one's composure in public was a mind that didn't shut off and anger that went restrained until he couldn't anymore.

"So Charms and Transfiguration, what else you thinking of keeping?"

[Deleted]

When it came to school, everything seemed obvious and clear cut. Not too much thinking needed. There were rules to follow, classes to take and classes to drop. There was order and anybody trying to disturb it got on her nerves, even if they did it with the best intentions. She wasn't one for chaos and disorderly conduct, although sometimes she liked to lie to herself and pretend she could be a rebel too. So far she'd mostly just succeded in proving the opposite to be true. She wasn't a rebel and she liked rules. She also really enjoyed figuring out what was possible within the rules, not to see what she could get away with but to help people that needed a small break in their studies. They shouldn't break the rules or bend them but if they could do some minor mischief where the rules allowed it, Deva helped them out. That was her rebellion, which was nothing but using a few small loopholes that were rather difficult to find for those not as versed in law as she was. Blame her mother on that front.

Rhys was, amongst many other things, quite comfortable and comforting when he decided to be a chair. So as he folded her into his arms and almost became a chair to her, she couldn't have been happier in the moment. Everybody said he was bad news, but obviously they didn't know him like she did. How could he be seen as bad if one looked past his parentage? And his sickness.... and his sometimes kind of violent mood swings. She guessed she could see the point if she wanted to but she was willfully ignorant of his flaws. He was good to her and that was all that really mattered to her. She didn't care overly much what other people might think on that point. She was just going to be herself, this time around.

For now she was just enjoying his company while also being very glad that she didn't have to bother with potions any more if she didn't want to. She definitively didn't want to. It was one of the reasons that she wouldn't be taking after her father and uncles. She couldn't be an auror to save her own life. It required potions and she definitively wasn't good enough at it. She found herself to be thinking of the future more like a blurry grey wall. It made no sense to her what to expect to see on the other side of it. She wriggled her nose for an instant. "I'm not fully sure. My mom is a lawyer but I don't think that's up my street. Too much conflict, although I do want to help people somehow. I considered running a charity but I wouldn't know what for. Working in a shop doesn't seem to be my cup of tea. I want to do something with law, I suppose. Just, maybe more making laws? Maybe a few reforms to get the entire nonsense of purity and other kind of discrimination gone. Or at least less easy to support." It was law and also more beneficial to muggleborns, halfbloods and half breeds as well as people like Rhys. Those sick with a disease they never chose to have and wouldn't want others to get. If she could do something with that it would be nice. Still, there were many things that could work out. She'd just have to see what exactly tickled her fancy by the time graduation approached. "It's too soon now either way. I'll worry over it when I get to my seventh year. Whatever it is should suit my talents as well as my ambitions and it's still a bit early to tell on those points. NEWTs are supposedly so much more difficult that I don't want to presume I'm good at anything just because I've managed to get good grades so far."

The other question was a far more pressing one, and of course one she'd considered over the course of the year. Which classes to keep. "I'll probably keep Herbology. It's good to keep something more practical in and I'm not that good with magical creatures or potions. I'm definitively keeping History of Magic and Muggle Studies. Anything with law makes it a good idea to know more about muggles. I'll also keep Astronomy and I might just keep Divination, although that one is still up in the air. I need to double check was a logical course load is so that I don't overextend myself. I want to do well and not be bogged down by stress too often." For her it was a logical thing. While she was good at planning she much preffered to keep everything organised without too many essays at the same time to have her worrying if she'd finish everything in time rather than just most of it. It kept her balanced, in a way. "Do you already know what you plan to do after graduation?" She was a bit hesitant, as too often talking about the future had derailed their conversations into fights. Perhaps this time would be different, although she didn't really dare to hope for it.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

if I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

Rhys always had a hard time this part of the year, everything could have been going swimmingly but he knew it just meant the same thing. Going back to the orphanage. Even though he was sixteen and turning seventeen this year he was still forced to stay there and the long he spent at Hogwarts the worse he felt about it. Finally he'd found a place where he had friends, he had love and he had some acceptance and even a home. Sure, there were bullies and judgements based on his name and his house affiliation. He didn't come from any substantial means and much wasn't expected of him, but even that was better than that place. It was a hard cloud to shake, but he hadn't really brought it up to Deva since she'd been so focused on her OWLs he hadn't wanted to distract her. There was a comfort and familiarity with her but there was much he kept to himself, it was a habit but also a bit of fear of how she would respond. So far she had been nothing but supportive, though only fussed or got upset if he ended up in detention. It was frustrating when the seventh year boys from prominent families would pester him and he'd try his best to not let his temper get the best of him but the moment that he did suddenly a Professor was nearby or a Prefect and there he was in detention, again.

Wrong place, wrong time--a recurring theme in his life. This moment, however, did feel right. Even with his current doubt and misgivings feeling Deva close to him and she moved closer he felt good. There was a warmth in his chest that felt good, it felt right. Rhys listened as she pondered her future, her family stuck to a few certain careers and there was always pressure in those situations he found the more he heard from other students who's families held prominent jobs or just a succession of them. Thankfully, Rhys never had that pressure but at the same time there had been that shock when he'd achieved his OWLs. Fenrir hard hardly been known for his intellect, why would they expect anything else from him? Rhys couldn't help but smile when she brought up helping others, Deva was just about the kindest person he'd ever met. He had friends and acquaintances in other houses and there were many that meant well, she had that as part of her drive. "Your hearts in the right place, love." He kissed her again on the top of her head softly. "I think you'll do well without the Potions distraction." He commented. It wasn't a secret it had been the bane of her existence and truly dropping subjects you didn't like or have a talent for did help with focus.

Rhys furrowed his brow a bit when she mentioned Divination. While he had passed his exams he hadn't chosen to keep the subject as it wasn't required for any of his target career paths and frankly he wasn't terribly interested in it. "Hm. I think Divination for me was Potions for you." He commented. It was all his personal opinion of course and though he did well in terms of academic ranking every student had that class that seemed to bring them to their knees. Rhys felt calm for now and he even managed to ignore his usual end of the year blues for a moment to enjoy it. There were no exams to study for, homework to rush and finish due to detention and they could just enjoy this time before they were separated for the next few months. That thought however, did leave him feeling uneasy--their entire relationship had spawned and grown over the course of the school year, what did the summer mean for them? Again, the thought made him nervous and everything he'd tried to compartmentalize from before Deva arriving seemed to want to reappear again.

And then the nervousness in his chest began to grow a bit more when she spoke again, his body tensed a little bit for just a second before he forced himself to relax. Rhys could hear the hesitation in his voice and he knew why, it wasn't the first time she had asked him this though the first time he had been asked he hadn't reacted very well and one of their first arguments had ensued. It was in the past and they had spoken about it but it was a topic that no matter how Rhys tried was always a sore spot for him, and he did and didn't know why. "Hm." If Rhys was being completely honest the idea of leaving school and even that orphanage terrified him. Once he came of age he didn't have anywhere to go, no family to support him--nobody. "I--I have some ideas, but I don't know." The anxiety this always gave him made it hard to think, and he tried hard to tell himself she was just looking out for him. It was in her nature, her heart. "I'll figure it out. I just don't have my hopes up, who's going to want to hire me anyway?" Rhys felt it again, the anxiety and heavy feeling again. It wasn't a problem for another year, he didn't want to think about it right now.

[Deleted]

Deva supposed it was partially due to the struggles they faced with people not approving their relationship that he got to see exactly what kind of a person she was. She wasn't likely to accept things at face value if they were simply negative without any good reason. Who cared about the identity of his father if he didn't make the same mistakes in life? It wasn't fair to him to blame him for the sins of his father. It wasn't fair he got judged for them either. Deva realised perfectly that he had his own path to choose and that also included an opinion and statement about his father. If he wanted to go down the same road or pave his own way. If everybody believed him to follow the darker path it would be far more difficult for him to make his own way. She understood that prejudices could break people and destroy their will to do good. If nobody believed they could be it was far easier to simply follow the path they were believing them to take. It was part of why she refused to see him as a Greyback child only. He was far more than that and from what she'd seen he was a good person. A messed up kid, that much was certain, but a good person at the core. He didn't want to be a monster like he saw his father to be. She'd never asked, because she didn't want him to feel forced to tell somehow. If he wanted to, she figured that eventually he would.

She sighed and shook her head slightly. "I know you like it, but I absolutely hate it. I don't have the patience or stomach to deal with the consistencies and foul odors of some of the more intricate potions. Give me some good charms or a transfiguration challenge any day. They might not be my strengths by default but at least it doesn't make me want to vomit. I think that has to count for something." For quite a lot to her, naturally, but she didn't want to hammer down too heavily on her personal dislike for potions when she knew other people absolutely loved the subject. It just wasn't for her.

Deva laughed a silvery little laugh as he mentioned divination. "Oh it's fun enough for me but I don't really see it as part of the career package. More something to fill fill my time table. I don't really see myself attempting divination except for my own amusement from time to time." Truth knew she often enough didn't want to know. She'd attempted to divine on their relationship a few times but she had refused to accept the outcome was disaster. She figured that wasn't particularly good if she had any sort of plans to use the subject in her career. She'd dared once only to ask a bigger scale question on her love life and it did claim conflict but happiness. She wasn't sure what to make of that and had decided never to touch on the subject again until either after graduation or until she had more clarity on what the happy despite all the conflict was supposed to be. Was it even related to Rhys? Her attempts surrounding him had only ever spelled out fights and well, they were very good at fighting. Not that she wanted that on her mind either.

She nodded as he mentioned his worries for his future prospects. "They'd be fools not to hire you. You're a highly talented wizard and I'm sure it'll all work out in the end." He was going to hate that statement. It was far too positive for him but she needed him to know there were more people out there like her. People that didn't look at a name to see if they saw worth in a person or nothing but risks. Surely somebody would see his worth by far outweighed any risk that his name would give him? If not she had some problems with the world that needed sorting out. She'd fight for him, as long as he'd let her at least.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

if I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

Rhys often wondered if he had used his mother’s last name instead of his father’s how this whole situation might be different. He knew with Deva’s good heart they would still be here sitting under this tree, but would her friends and family have been more approving of their relationship? It was always a source of conflict within himself constantly and one he couldn’t quite get over. Again, Deva lamented about her dislike for Potions as a subject and Rhys couldn’t help but smile a bit. There was always that one subject, even for the top students in their respective classes that they struggled but managed to scrape by. For Deva it was Potions and for Rhys it had been Divination, he never liked how the professor looked at him with such pity in her eyes as if she could really see what his future had in store for him and he’d just filed it away as just another staff member assuming he would be what his father would want of a son or any child.

Rhys felt his body stiffen a bit as he tensed up. He had been so comfortable, they had been so comfortable until a topic he certainly didn’t want to think about let alone talk about was brought up. He felt himself let out a bit of a sigh, he knew he was smart and talented—he was good at all the subjects he was taking up for NEWTs and also decent at dueling, but that wasn’t what people saw them they looked at him. After a while he grew numb to it all, but he didn’t like the constant reminder. Rhys moved his head so that it went back and leaned against the tree he was sitting against, though his arms were still around her. ”Dev—I don’t know why you keep wanting to talk about this.” It was a bit frustrating, he couldn’t seem to convince her that his prospects weren’t great and she thought otherwise but that wasn’t the reality of the situation. He knew he was being unnecessarily defensive, and he had to remind himself that she meant well—she loved him and just wanted him to be happy just as he loved her and wanted the same.

Again, that heavy feeling returned, and calmed himself. If she kept pressing him then he knew they were going to fight, and he already felt like some heavy lead weight in her life that was holding her back. Her encouragement only reminded him of how hopeless he felt most of the time and that she deserved someone better than that. ”Please Dev, just not today.” He softly pleaded with her—he wasn’t in the mood especially today and with their days together waning until they were separated for the summer he felt he was barely holding it together sometimes. Rhys moved his head back down and tried to relax his tense body. However, sometimes he knew it was futile as they were stubborn in their own ways. Rhys could just never seem to convince her that not everybody had her big heart.

[Deleted]

Deva understood that the future was a highly sensitive subject with Rhys. It was just difficult for her since she liked planning ahead. She enjoyed knowing what to expect and didn't like the idea of going blindly into the future. Rhys hated looking at the future all together it seemed and it worried Deva to no end. How was he supposed to plan a future when he refused to even consider what it might look like? He didn't, which was a problem to Deva. She'd had it hammered into her skull that planning for the future was half the work and trying to do everything later was nothing but delaying the inevitable. One day you'd be forced to make a plan. One day you wouldn't be able to run from your problems, whether it be the job you might want or other aspects of your future, one day it would catch up with your and in some cases that meant there was nothing left to retrieve. She sighed. "You can't expect to stumble into your future and have everything fall in place by some miracle. There will always be things you need to plan if you want them to work out. I know I plan too much sometimes but planning nothing at all is going to bite you in the ass one day." It was just the plain and simple truth, right?

He asked her not today and she resisted the urge to ask when they would talk about it then and rather just fell silent. He'd put those arguments off till the end of time if he got the option, but she guessed she could give him today. "Fine." She grumbled after a while. "We can talk about it tomorrow." She conceded, figuring that gave him plenty of time for today, although she was bothered by his constant putting things of that would not get easier or more pleasant by waiting. Nothing changed, except perhaps his chances of applying elsewhere if he kept doing this through his entire last year of school. He could be amazing and accomplish a whole world of things, yet he didn't. He just kept on pushing away his problems in hopes they'd disappear. It was never going to work. There were so many worries and concerns she wanted to discuss with him but every single time he shut her down and delayed. She'd have to find a way to get around that at some point or this wasn't going to end pretty. "Let's just enjoy today." She said, snuggling closer to him. If he wanted to put it off, she wanted to make the most of the day the way he seemed to want to spend it.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

if I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

It took an incredible amount of energy on Rhys’ part to keep most of his thoughts at bay and to himself. All those words of doubt and negativity—it wasn’t even what other people said but what his own mind created. He didn’t deserve someone like Deva. What was doing with him? She had a bright future ahead of her and all he could manage to do was end up in detention, she had no business being with him. Rhys’ background and name would only hold her back. He thought it. Everybody else seemed to have thought it. The only person that wasn’t convinced was Deva herself. It pained him, he loved her but wanted her to be happy and the more he had thought about the past few months the more he seemed certain he had to do something before she found herself regretting that she ever met him. It was the summertime, and they would be apart for a few months until new school year, that was plenty of time for someone to convince her to leave him and he wasn’t sure he was prepared for that.

Rhys knew she was right. He couldn’t just keep pushing forward aimlessly and expect to feel happy about it. He didn’t respond when she conceded and only kept thinking and stared off onto the empty grounds. ”You don’t get it Dev…” The heavy feeling had fully returned to his chest and despite how good it felt to have her so close to him he had to urge to push her away, to be alone with his thoughts—a consistent and comfortable companion. ”Planning never works out for someone like me.” Rhys himself had never been part of some plan, he wasn’t supposed to exist. He had been created out of some monstrous urge and his mother in the wrong place at the wrong time. The world would never accept him, why did she?

He felt it, that familiar sensation of how he pulled away. Not physically, not really but emotionally and otherwise. But only because he knew he had to do something. ”Dev…I just don’t know anymore…”

[Deleted]

He had a rather grim outlook on things, she knew that. She also knew that it was probably a lot more grim than it needed to be. Yes, she was more than aware people would judge him based on who his father was but not everybody in the world was going to do so. She didn't do it and she refused to believe she was the only decent person in the world. Even her friends and parents would warm up to him once they got to know him, she was sure of it. Everything she'd seen of him had proven that to her over and over. He had a good heart and it was in the right place. If only more people were willing to see it then everything would be a lot easier, on both of them. She hated seeing him hurt and suffer. It made her feel helpless as she knew it only took one good person to take a chance on him for others to realise that there was nothing to be afraid of in the name when he carried it. He had friends, she knew that much. Some of them were even in her house, which proved that hufflepuffs were just great people all together.

She sighed. "I understand that people can be stupid and short-sighted but you don't need everybody to see that you're a good guy. It only takes one or two people to take a chance on you and we both know you've got plenty you can prove to them. You're not a bad guy, you just had bad luck in terms of your dad." She didn't really know much about his mother, except that she was dead or had given him up since he grew up in an orphanage so she specifically said father. Maybe his mother had been a great person that just came across the wrong person at the wrong time. Those things happened. "If the first plan doesn't work then you just go for the next." She shifted and looked at him. "If I can't get the job I want in the ministry I'm going to apply for a job as a healer or nurse in the childrens ward. If that fails I'm probably going to see about working in a shop." She said with a smile. She'd considered that a lot of things could possibly go wrong and she didn't want to risk her future on not considering things going wrong. She knew what she wanted to do but she also knew that certain things wouldn't suit her at all. She didn't want a dangerous job because she wasn't too good with dangerous situations. Not like her dad and uncles.

She made sure to stay close to him as he expressed his worries. He just didn't know anymore, but she wanted to help him figure it out! She smiled slightly in an encouraging way and softly stroked his cheek for a moment. "What makes you want to be an auror so much? What is it about the job that appeals to you? Is it the dangerous part? Helping people? Putting bad guys behind bars?" It was a good place to start. Most people wanted that specific career for a combination of those things, with one weighing more than the other. If he wanted to help people he could consider becoming a healer. If it was about the thrill there surely were plenty of other dangerous or adventurous professions. If it was putting bad guys behind bars he could maybe consider becoming a lawyer or something? That one was a bit more tricky but not at all impossible. All they had to do was consider the options and they'd find at least some form of plan B that didn't have to involve the ministry.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

if I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

His mood had soured, and it had crossed that threshold that it always did before he picked a fight. It wasn’t intentional but it happened and he was at a loss to how to control it most of the time. It wasn’t how the world worked, why couldn’t she see that? Obviously, her life up until now with her successful parents had made her a bit sheltered. It was where they differed, she saw this good in the world when Rhys knew what was actually out there. Still, her hand against his skin felt good. Comforting. She was a comforting presence but with that he only felt he would ruin what made her so wonderful. Rhys didn’t answer for a moment, it was a good question. Why did he want to do it? ”I don’t know…” He whispered.

But then he shook his head. No. He didn’t know. ”Because I don’t know what else to do to make people see who I am.” To prove something to the world, not because he’d be happy to do it or it was a dream career. His bone to pick with the world was for them to see Rhys and not Fenrir’s son but that was just a pipe dream, clearly. But he was tired of hearing it and tired of talking about it and tired of people trying to be ‘helpful’ when he just wanted to be left alone. ”You don’t get it Dev, and it’s naïve to think of the world that way. You’re lucky you get options.” His tone came off harsher than he intended but it was the familiar path he always went on. Rhys sighed and shifted so he could start standing up, he didn’t want to be out here anymore. ”We should head inside.” He muttered, it might have been best before he got to the point of where he started speaking without thinking.

[Deleted]

One of the weaknesses that was central to her existence was that she tended to see the good in people, which on the flip side often meant she expected the best from people. They didn't always give the best they had and left her disappointed. The odd thing about Rhys in that equation was that he showed her a wonderful person, refused to see it and then started being the kind of guy that made Deva doubt herself more than him. It was clear he was good, so what was wrong that she always seemed to get some of the worse parts of him out? She wanted to be with him and make him see everything that she saw in him, but sometimes she wondered if he just wasn't willing to see it. Why else would he be so upset with her for what she did? Unless there was something flawed about herself that she refused to see.... When he said he didn't know she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "We'll figure it out later." She promised, in hopes of reassuring him a little.

Yet obviously she'd said something wrong since he was quickly losing his temper and mood again. He was being harsh with her and she felt her heart sink a little. She also understood the need to be seen as more than his fathers son but she figured he was already showing the world. Not once had he actually risked the lives of her or any of her fellow students, not even those that were relentless bullies. Yes, he picked fights but it wasn't as if he invited them over for tea in the full moon nights. He didn't want to endanger anybody, least of all with his affliction. What more did the world he saw need to prove he was different? What more to show he was actually a good person? Still his hard tone had her briefly show the hurt as he pushed her away again. She just wanted to help and make him happy, why was it so difficult to understand that? She considered saying something back but she bit back any sort of a response and nodded quietly as she got up and grabbed her bag. She closed her eyes for a moment, fighting back tears of hurt and frustration. It was just a momentary setback and she was willing to endure that. He'd eventually see she had a point and everything would be fine. They were still a couple after all, meaning they had plenty of time to figure out how to make this work. "Okay." She said softly, hoping that the hurt didn't shine through in her voice as she refused to meet his eyes. It would be fine. She just had to be more patient with him.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

if I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

---

June 2017
Hogwarts Grounds
@deva

---

He felt beyond the threshold of ever resuming a good mood, at least for that day. He only hoped now that maybe some the seventh-year boys had snuck in some fire whiskey somehow and were celebrating the end of term and maybe he could sneak a glass or two. If not, it wasn’t a big deal he would find some other way of occupying his thoughts. Maybe find his friends to help distract him. Either way he didn’t want to hear any more positivity from Deva, and it frustrated him more because he knew she meant nothing but the best and loved him enough to do whatever she could to help him. It was frustrating knowing you lashed out but being unable to stop yourself. It wasn’t how he had pictured spending his last days of the term with Deva before they wouldn’t see each other most likely until the start the following school year. Rhys also turned seventeen this summer, but it wasn’t as though he had much money at all to his name or even a place to go. He was a nobody compared to her.

Deva stood up and grabbed her back and Rhys stood up and stuff the book he’d ben reading into his own bag and let out a frustrated sigh. He felt awful whenever he pushed her to that small tone she used to give in, the times she didn’t fight him. But what would happen after three months now? She’d go sailing with her family and would they spend that time convincing her to finally leave him? Or even worse, would she meeting some else when he wasn’t there and decide he had never been worth it. There was a hesitation but then he finally turned to face her, the emotion sitting heavy on his chest and in a lump in his throat. ”I’m sorry Dev…I just—“ He paused and looked away, for a second before looking back at her. ”I just can’t do this anymore. This isn’t working.”