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last online Apr 29, 2024 1:48:03 GMT -7
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Dec 13, 2020 17:22:46 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2020 17:22:46 GMT -7
He was intent on hurting her today it seemed. She bit her lip when he asked what he was to stop, partially to keep from losing her temper at how unfair he was being but also because it hurt that he pretended not to know. She felt that stab of pain again when he said he needed her as if that was the only thing that mattered. As if what she wanted out of life was completely irrelevant as long as he got what he needed. How long had she waited around for him to change his mind, knowing better but not being willing to accept it? And now that she was finally ready to move forward he didn't want her to because he needed her? It wasn't fair or even mildly reasonable but she knew this was probably nothing more than panic on his end. Still, she needed to stay honest with him and uphold her borders this time around. "You don't know that Rhys. You don't know him. Not to mention that I can still be here for you when I'm with him. You don't want or need me as your girlfriend in this..." She trailed off at a pleading tone, hoping he'd finally see the reality. If he wanted her in that way he should have taken that opportunity ages ago. She'd been around long enough. "If that was what you wanted you'd have asked me to be your girlfriend ages ago. I'm here as a friend, but friends are supposed to be happy for each other and comfort when needed. Not destroy hope without giving it a fair chance." He was acting in a way that she didn't want to believe was jealousy despite it seeming so obvious. He said he didn't want to hurt her but she found it only hurt more that she knew it was true. He didn't want to hurt her, but it simply was easier to him. They kept on hurting each other because she'd kept asking for something he'd never been willing to give and he just didn't want to see her have the future she wanted with another man. It ended in a circle that she was going to break this time. She took a deep breath and looked at Rhys, knowing this might well be the end of everything. "I want a family Rhys, you don't. Even if I would drop everything for you right now you still wouldn't want it. We want different things out of life and if we'd stay together in that way it's inevitable one of us will resent the other for not letting them fulfil their dream. I don't want that. I want both of us to be happy, I just can't believe we can be happy together as anything more than friends." She lowered her eyes, not able to look at him. "I'm sorry Rhys." Her voice was filled with genuine remorse, although she doubted that would make a difference in this case. This was never going to be easy with all the history they shared. There was too much between them that was better left unsaid but neither of them capable of keeping their mouths shut. Maybe one day they'd be able to repair the bond between them, but Deva feared it would get much worse before it could get better. rhys alexander greyback
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rhys alexander greyback
HOGWARTS ALUM WEREWOLF CURSEBREAKER ECHO
1,168 posts
played by vanessa
the air around me still feels like a cage
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last online Apr 28, 2024 23:50:45 GMT -7
WIZARDING ADULT
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Dec 14, 2020 1:11:16 GMT -7
Post by rhys alexander greyback on Dec 14, 2020 1:11:16 GMT -7
how do i live? how do i breathe? when you're not here i'm suffocating
December 16, 2025 @deva
This was not going as he had imagined at all, not like any of the other times and it was making him feel more lost than when he had arrived. Nothing was the same, nothing was there to ground him as it normally did. Whenever he had felt like this, he’d had Deva to help ground him and bring him back but now she was pushing him away. She was rejecting him for some sailor she’d known weeks—who was he that she owed him that much. ’You don’t want or need me as your girlfriend in this…’ He paused. This was the opposite of what she usually said. He looked away, the hurt evident in his face and his eyes. She didn’t want him anymore, and that felt like a stab to the chest on top of the anxiety he was already feeling. She didn’t want him anymore, not like that. Just friends. ”But Dev, I’m asking you now.” He felt a sense of desperation the farther she tried to pull from him. If he was being honest it scared him to his core. He loved her, why was she leaving him?
”I’m not--….” He felt upset, the jumble of anxiety and anger he closed his eyes and rubbed his face in his hands. But he crossed his arms back when she spoke, her tone still so calm as she tried to explain again to him this new perspective she all of a sudden seemed to have. A family. It had always been a touchy subject for him, he’d been equally fearful and yearning for one and she had been willing to give him that. Still, it angered him that she used it against him now. ”Deva—you know that’s not fair.” It was evident he was in pain, he was a man who craved control and needed it and at the moment nothing seemed to be. ”You know that’s not fair…” He repeated, ”We tried being just friends and we always came back to each other.” Rhys just couldn’t accept it. It had always been them. He moved forward again, sitting on the couch slowly and gently grabbing her hand again looking at it and down as he spoke. ”We always came back…” He whispered, feeling a lump grow in his throat from all the mixed emotions he was feeling.
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last online Apr 29, 2024 1:48:03 GMT -7
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Dec 14, 2020 4:02:57 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2020 4:02:57 GMT -7
When he said he was asking her to be his girlfriend now, Deva felt a shape of resentment she wasn't familiar with. So all she had to do was tell him no to get what she wanted? Actually no? Or was it the fact he'd knocked up another girl that suddenly made him figure the future she wanted was halfway there already so why not give it a shot? Either way it was cruel and unfair of him to accept her offer when she made it abundantly clear she'd found somebody that was better for her. Was that why he was suddenly ready? Because he risked losing her permanently? If so accepting his offer would only lead to more pain down the road, as his commitment would be temporary. As soon as he had her to himself again he'd change his mind, she just knew it in her heart. She sighed deeply and prepared for the worst. Rhys wasn't going to let this go without a fight, was he? "You'd change your mind if I said yes now. You're not asking me to stay, you're asking me not to leave. It's too little too late." And she was very serious about that. It wasn't enough if he wasn't ready to commit to her until she'd already decided to leave. She had one foot out the door and he asked her to pretend nothing had happened. Not this time. She hated how he claimed it wasn't fair on him. How was it fair on her that he didn't actually want her until she decided enough was enough? How was it fair that he came to her about his panic in having accidentally started a family with somebody else even though he knew she had wanted to be that person to him for years? She'd respected him, waited ever so patiently and he hurt her deeply by undermining her relationship and asking her to help solve a problem. Something he saw as a problem that she was almost jealous about. The few things keeping her sane were mostly Bjorn, the fact she knew he hadn't changed his mind or heart and the part where her own hopes and dreams seemed possible to achieve without him. She was ready to let go after such a long time. "We did." She agreed in a calm but very quiet tone of voice. She managed to hold back the negative feelings but only barely. She'd leave soon, grab her bag and go to her friends in transportation for a port key. Then it was only a small flight to his ship, hopefully. "And we always ended up hurting each other after a while. We both deserve better than that. Maybe we won't fight as friends, since all our fights seemed to be about the differences in what we wanted our future to look like." She hadn't pulled back her hand this time, but her words had to make it more than obvious what she wanted now. "I promise I'll help out as much as I can with the child. You can hold me to that." But her tone stated that the discussion was over. They were over in the sense of a relationship beyond friendship. rhys alexander greyback
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rhys alexander greyback
HOGWARTS ALUM WEREWOLF CURSEBREAKER ECHO
1,168 posts
played by vanessa
the air around me still feels like a cage
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last online Apr 28, 2024 23:50:45 GMT -7
WIZARDING ADULT
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Dec 14, 2020 17:00:23 GMT -7
Post by rhys alexander greyback on Dec 14, 2020 17:00:23 GMT -7
how do i live? how do i breathe? when you're not here i'm suffocating
December 16, 2025 @deva
It was too late. This time was different. All the other fights and talks they’d ever had involving him being upset she was dating someone didn’t compare to this, she was standing her ground and either it was because she was actually done with him or this new guy of hers was whatever Rhys wasn’t. The realization was there in front of him, he could see but he was refusing to accept it because he couldn’t just let her go. What would he do with the void that was left? ’You’re not asking me to stay, you’re asking me not to leave.’ Rhys didn’t answer, he didn’t know what else to say. Everything he had said up to this point usually worked, brought her back to him but it didn’t this time. She kept speaking and he kept looking down at her hand in his own, they’d had this...relationship, if you could even call it that for so many years. ”Is it too late for us?” He asked quietly, gently rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.
Again, he shook his head a bit, accepting was something that didn’t seem physically possible for him in this state. Why of all the times he needed her she had to push back now. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to be friends, stay in his life but he couldn’t help but still feel like she was leaving him. All that he had done to prevent the pain of that had been futile it seemed. ”You don’t understand Dev…” He began, lump in his throat. ”You know what my life has been like, how am I supposed to be a father?” There had been nothing in his life that prepared him for this. Nothing. ”I did want a family….but I was so damn scared.” He admitted, looking up at her. There had always been the misunderstanding of what Rhys did and didn’t want and he’d never really bothered to correct anyone until now. People thought he didn’t want a family, that he didn’t like kids or something but it wasn’t exactly that.
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last online Apr 29, 2024 1:48:03 GMT -7
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Dec 20, 2020 15:11:00 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2020 15:11:00 GMT -7
Is it too late for us? The questions seemed to echo in her head a million times before she took a breath, knowing that she would confirm something that had seemed impossible for so many years. "I'm afraid so." She said, but her voice remained gentle. He was plenty hurt and confused without her making it worse. It was time for her to make amends for all those times she had asked too much of him by being there for him in the only way she ever should have been in the first place. As a friend that didn't judge him for who and what he was but for his actions and personality. He was hurt in ways she couldn't even begin to imagine and she knew that he had never told her everything there was to know about him. She accepted that, but that also meant they didn't have the relationship needed to see this through as more than just friends. Still, they could be good friends, as they did understand each other better than most might have. It didn't hurt as much as she expected when he said he did want a family. Lucky, she figured, that she'd managed to let go of that before he admitted that particular detail. She understood he was scared and she felt for him. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces for sake of everything he was so scared might happen but she also knew him. "It always would have been scary. Terrifying even. I don't think that changes if we tell ourselves we are ready." She said softly, speaking straight from her heart. "Just look at yourself. You already decided to be a father and you are scared of messing things up. You care Rhys." She said ever so gently, taking his hands in her own. "No matter which mistakes might be ahead, you'll always try to do what is best for your child. That makes you a father." She smiled gently as she paused for a moment, a smile slightly in her words as she spoke next. "I'm sure you remember the fights I had with my father. I forgive him because I know he wants what is best for me. We just don't always agree about what that would be. As long as you keep the best interests of your child at heart I'm sure you'll be a great father." She looked at him as she softly squeezed his hands. "You'll find a way and you'll have me around to help, as well as the mother and probably many of your coworkers. The child might not have a very conventional family but I don't think it'll ever really be alone. You built a family for yourself and that family will do what they can for both you and your kid, as long as you find the strength to ask for it." rhys alexander greyback
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rhys alexander greyback
HOGWARTS ALUM WEREWOLF CURSEBREAKER ECHO
1,168 posts
played by vanessa
the air around me still feels like a cage
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last online Apr 28, 2024 23:50:45 GMT -7
WIZARDING ADULT
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Dec 21, 2020 18:15:17 GMT -7
Post by rhys alexander greyback on Dec 21, 2020 18:15:17 GMT -7
how do i live? how do i breathe? when you're not here i'm suffocating
December 16, 2025 @deva
So. This was it. The end of the line for them. The fact that this wasn’t a fight anymore—no yelling, nothing getting thrown and tempers flaring told Rhys it was just that. Over. He supposed he’d never taken her seriously on that note, she seemed so calm but also apologetic rather than angry tears streaming down her face. She was serious this time. The realization hit rather bluntly, like a kick in the chest. Not even promising her the world was going to change her mind this time, not even if he’d pulled out a ring and got down on one knee. The only person that had loved him almost unconditionally was moving on, and it was a lonely feeling. Rhys swallowed hard, using any energy he had he left to push down all the emotion welling up inside of him, but he could barely block his eyes starting to well up a bit.
He looked away and stared at another part of the room, barely registering what she was telling him. That he was scared because he cared and he would be just fine and do a good job. It only made him shake his head, that didn’t make a good father. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do or say or where to begin. Rhys felt her hands grab his, but the more she spoke the more it annoyed him. She was wrong. Rhys furrowed his brow and clenched his jaw. Despite her insistence that she would be there for him he still felt…cast aside? Replaced? He pulled his hands back. He could feel his walls going up and it was a strange numbing feeling but brought up the rejection and anger. ”You don’t understand Dev, you never have.” He still felt upset, this wasn’t what he had expected at all when he came here.
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last online Apr 29, 2024 1:48:03 GMT -7
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Dec 23, 2020 4:04:28 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2020 4:04:28 GMT -7
There it was, the walls went up again and he was pushing her away like he always did when she tried to be close to him. He said he didn't want her to leave but whenever she tried to be there for him she just seemed to be getting to close for his comfort. The moment she was willing to give he didn't actually want what she offered. What had he expected from her? To wait around forever just so he could always keep her at arms length? Yet of course she was the one that didn't understand. She was tired of it, tired beyond screaming and anger. Just tired of being used by him to fill the void barely enough but never be allowed to do more than that. It was time to go, since there was nothing to improve or save by staying longer. She sighed deeply as he pulled his hands away. This time he was pulling the plug it seemed. "Maybe I never will understand, but you can't blame me for that if you never try to actually explain Rhys. I tried, but all you do is push me away when I actually try to get closer." She shook her head and stood up, waving her wand so the bag came flying from her bedroom into her hands. She looked at Rhys but there was just remnants of sadness behind the walls of determination now. It was all over and it was high time he realised his own part in their tragic tale the way she had realised hers. Still she fell into old habits so she wouldn't have been surprised to see him do the same. She doubted this was the last time they'd see each other or talk to each other but it was too much for her currently. "I'll see you around. I'm only one owl or text away if you're ever ready to help me understand. Just make sure it's the right thing for you." A drunken call at 3 am because they missed each other just wasn't the way they could go on any longer. She sighed and apparated out. He knew how to find the door and he knew he was welcome to stay if he needed it. She wouldn't be back for several days at least. Not until she'd given all this a place in her head and heart. rhys alexander greyback[Deva out]
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rhys alexander greyback
HOGWARTS ALUM WEREWOLF CURSEBREAKER ECHO
1,168 posts
played by vanessa
the air around me still feels like a cage
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last online Apr 28, 2024 23:50:45 GMT -7
WIZARDING ADULT
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Dec 23, 2020 15:50:33 GMT -7
Post by rhys alexander greyback on Dec 23, 2020 15:50:33 GMT -7
how do i live? how do i breathe? when you're not here i'm suffocating
December 16, 2025 @deva
Rhys felt a sense of defeat, just another weight on his chest. And especially when she stood up, shaking her head. That part was familiar, the defeat that she constantly dealt with from him and the disappointment. It was only after he always met the same realization and the same feeling, he just couldn’t get it right. None of it. It seemed that Deva had plans to be somewhere else, he’d just been a roadblock for that. But she’d still delayed on his account—her heart was always in the right place. Rhys looked at her as she stood there at him, though he didn’t want to hear what she was telling him. He didn’t respond and opted to stare at a corner of the room rather than her and he heard the familiar crack and he knew she was gone. That hadn’t gone at all like he had wanted or hoped and somehow, he felt even worse than when he had arrived. Rhys shook his head and stood up, he didn’t know where he would go yet but he looked at the coffee table and the bottle she had shoved into his hands earlier and figured that was a good place to start. [ end ]
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