Between two secret keepers (Vas)

[Deleted]

She was part of the main reason he'd come home. His sister, Vasilia. His father had told him everything that had happened, how she'd collapsed after taking far too much on her plate in terms of work. Ilija had worried instantly and his nightmares had gotten worse until he'd managed to arrange to fly home. Every night he watched Hannah die but when he looked in the coffin he saw Vasilia. He woke up with a start, unable to even scream. His throat was sore and dry and he was exhausted. It got better after he'd arranged his business and managed to get transport home.

Things got better after he'd sold the house, even though the pain in his chest as he gave up on the keys and one of the last places her happier moments haunted him had been incredible. He had the living to worry about now. He knew he couldn't save his father but he'd be damned if he allowed Vasilia to destroy herself by working harder than she ought to. He managed to arrange a sabbatical of sorts, and everything felt better. It was like a small weight was lifted off his shoulders, for now.

Well, that was until he'd found out that Vas was at least as stubborn as he was, at least as proficient at going much further than she should in order to keep people in the dark. He wanted to point things out to her, but if he did he'd have a confession to make. He just wasn't ready for that just yet. He sighed deeply, his hands clenching on the handle of the door. He bit back the wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm here. It had been too long since he'd gone home. He pushed through and then opened the door, forcing his face to keep a relatively neutral expression. Vas would know regardless, she was perceptive like that. Still, he'd never told her. How was he even supposed to start? Hey sis, I know you have a lot on your mind but I figured it was time to tell you what happened. Six years ago I watched my girlfriend get blown up in a work accident where I lost my leg. This was about a month after we lost our baby. I have a prosthetic now, wanna see? That probably wouldn't blow over very well.

Then again, it was going to be hell no matter when he told them. Just not yet, he could do that after they'd lost and grieved their father. For now he had to keep the secret a little longer, for all their sakes. They didn't have time to break down now. He heard Vas already working and sighed, steeling himself. His turn to prove himself stubborn. He walked up and rubbed his hands as he looked at the machines churning. Luckily he'd managed to convince his parents to tell him how Vas ran the shop so he wouldn't go against her from the get-go. It would hopefully help. "Hey Vas." He said in a soft voice as he walked in, walking over to one of the machines to check on the produce and see if anything was needed. Not that he could taste, all things considered. The irony of being the son of an icecream make with cow milk allergy wasn't lost on him.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

Felix had loosened the reigns a bit, thank god. Of course, Felix still kept a very close eye on her. Thankfully, Vas was good at keeping secret how much she did. It'd taken him months to learn she was still running most the business after taking on the pub, after all. Creeping out of the apartment at ungodly hours was natural to her. She'd come down a "little" later then normal, late being 6am, to start all the ice creams. She'd also brought down her recipe book so that she could go over them while the ice cream turned.

It was a sunday, so the shop opened later then usual. Technically she didn't even have to start the ice cream yet. The doors wouldn't open until 11. But habit got the best of her. If she got this done now, then it meant she could get started on the pub's menu. She'd wanted to have the fall menu rolled out by tomorrow, an she could still make that deadline if she worked on it all day. So, that was her plan. As the ice cream turned, she used a small section of the kitchen to try out a few recipes. She'd just stepped way from the kitchen grab a few things upstairs, when Ilija entered the shop's kitchen. She didn't hear it, or see him, until she returned to the kitchen. Her arms were absolutely full, a box of assorted spices and ingredients from upstairs in her arms, and she had to turn to use her back to push the door to the kitchen open. She'd just turned forward again, so that she could cross the kitchen, and set the box down, when she stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes widened.

"Ilija?" Confusion, surprise, and joy. All three emotions mixed into one. They hadn't seen much of the oldest Fortescue in the past few years. Once a year, maybe. Of course, she was overjoyed to see him. But... it wasn't Christmas. "What are you doing here?"

(Going with the idea that Vas has noooooo idea Ili came home.... also wanted to give him a look at how insane his sister has been.)

[Deleted]

Well, there was plenty to be read on her face. She clearly hadn't heard he was due in yet but at least she didn't look upset or angry to see him. That much was good. He shrugged slightly and smiled. "I figured I'd make a start on the preparations but looks like I'd have to be up earlier for that. Did you even sleep?" He looked at her rather suspiciously. He was the older brother after all and well, he'd started acting like it more after the accident. He wasn't really around enough to be overbearing and in the past questions about himself had usually gotten him to back off rather quickly but this time it was different. Her health was at stake after all. Now that he saw her he was even more convinced that she needed help. While bordering on unhealthy skinny was beyond a doubt his default, it had never been hers. She looked worn, exhausted and very unhealthy. He kept a neutral expression but he couldn't help but feel concerned. He couldn't lose her too.

He walked up to her and gave her a quick hug, which he always did as greeting. Separation or not, they were family. He shook his head slightly. "I'm here to help out. Dad told me you collapsed. You look horrible Vas, why didn't you tell me sooner?" Yes, he was very aware he was a hypocrite on that point but well, he was the older one. He was supposed to protect his siblings from harm, not worry them sick. He gave her a good look over as he held her at arms distance. He'd gotten some new tattoos since his last visit, but it wouldn't surprise him if the same went for her. Looks like they both had good taste on that point. He frowned slightly. "Have you even eaten breakfast yet?" He sighed deeply and plucked the box out of her arms, carrying it over to what he presumed to be a logical place. He started emptying it out a little, figuring he'd get a head start on things. Even if he hadn't been around, he still knew everything he needed to know about the family business to get a few batches started.

He had his wand in his pocket, expecting to need it. If he knew one thing, Vas was at least as stubborn as he was. The only difference? He had magic. He pulled out his wand and waved it, causing a chair to move backwards with a nasty scraping noise. Not that he cared, he was used to the sound. Tombs did that, regularly. "Sit down, have breakfast. I'll keep an eye on everything." He said, motioning to the chair before giving her a long hard look. "It's not optional Vas. You look like you've been starving yourself." He figured he'd warn her not to counter him. He didn't have the patience for it today, or at least there would be no room for an argument until after she'd eaten. He himself looked more worn than she was probably used to. He'd been a mess prior to travelling here and always took care to spend at least a month forcefully eating more before christmas to keep up some semblence of health. He looked at least as bad as she did, thin and stretched. He was used to it, making it seem far more natural on him than it did on her. Now all he had to do was get her to listen. Now that was sure to be a challenge.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

It... was strange. The knowledge that she wasn't the oldest. Ilija had been in and out the past seven years. There sometimes, but not really. The last time he'd really been a constant was when she was 14. So, she'd sort of become the oldest to Felix. She'd been the one there, to help them through everything they were going through. Ilija... came at Christmas. She wasn't resentful though. His work kept him busy. But it made things hard. Having an older brother that was so distant. Physically, emotionally. She could hardly remember his warmth from before he started working. But, seeing him was good. He looked good (well... he looked as shit as ever, but that wasn't new.). She blinked as he spoke, still not quite understanding why he was here all of a sudden. "I- why would you be prepping?" Yup, definitely didn't understand. Also, she didn't want to address the whole "sleep" thing. She'd gotten plenty of sleep! Five hours. That was more then usual! But most people wouldn't really agree that was healthy...

She shifted the box so that she could give him a sort of, one armed hug, finally smiling brightly. Despite being overworked, Vas was always a happy person. Though, that smile partially vanished as he explained. Here to help? Oh god. they had told him. Their mum had threatened to write Ilija, but she hadn't thought she'd go through with it. "What? Oh, that was nothing, really! Mum and dad are just overexaggerating. I'd just had a rough night, is all. One time thing." No, it really hadn't but she liked to deny and water down the incident. Pretend that she didn't need help. That she could handle things. "Besides, I took a few days off. I'm right as rain now." Well... partially took a few days off. Felix had kept having to stop her from working.

She opened her mouth at the mention of breakfast, as if to immediately deny his doubts, then closed it. Of course she hadn't. Then, he took the box from her without even asking. She followed him, cheeks puffed out a bit with mild annoyance. "I wasn't hungry yet! Besides, I'm going to be making food anyway, eating breakfast would have just ruined my appetite." That's why she'd gotten the box. To make some of the recipes while the ice cream turned. The irony of an aspiring chef starving themselves wasn't lost on her, though.

He was already unpacking the box, and magicking a chair over. Demanding she sit down, with a tone she rarely heard and a look that made her frown. There was that authority of an older sibling. The tone she sometimes took with Felix, though rarely. He also seemed to be in a bit of a mood, not wanting her to debate or argue with him. Not t hat it wouldn't stop her. "Ili, I'm fine, really. I can handle it. You don't have to." She could. Or at least she was convinced she could. She'd been managing it all on her own for months. Sure, she was recovering from collapsing, but she was stronger then that.

[Deleted]

If anybody knew just how to call out bullshit other people were telling to hide the state they were in, it had to be Ilija. He was so used to shutting people out from the truth and how bad things were that he knew like no other that Vas was bullshitting him badly. He merely gave her a very stern look. He probably should have been around more, but he'd had his own life to take care of. "You're lying Vas. I can see you haven't been eating well. You probably haven't been sleeping well either by the looks of it. This takes more than one night to build up, take it from somebody that knows." Since he'd entrusted Felix with a little more information it made sense that the same would go for Vasilia. She was sharp enough to be able to catch on to far more than he was willing to actually say so he was weary in his words, but he needed her to understand that she wasn't going to fool him. He knew too much about the destruction of bad eating and sleeping habits.

She claimed she wasn't hungry and he smiled wryly. "I doubt you had enough of an appetite to lose to begin with." He countered easily. Now those were things he was familiar with, although he guessed her reasons were different than his own had been and still were. Not to mention he was worried about her. She could easily get hurt in her current state and she probably didn't really realise it. He hadn't, not so closely after he and Hannah had lost their child. They had both been eating and sleeping bad and in the end he blamed part of that for the tragic accident. He'd grown used to being in that state though, and by now only the really bad nights ever got to him. Still he didn't really care enough to be careful about his own life. He tried, but there wasn't much to live for in his mind. He mostly kept going because he couldn't do it to his family to disappear on them. He owed them to do better than that.

He rolled his eyes as he waved his wand and the ingredients danced out of the box and started working their way into a dish for breakfast. He could fetch her new ones after she'd eaten. He gave her a glare that was clearly meant to shut her up as she claimed to be fine. "Except you're not. I'm not letting you get back to work before you've eaten. This goes until you're doing better. I sold the house I had abroad. I moved back here for at least half a year so start making use of it." His tone was a lot harder than was customary for him. He'd always been a kind and gentle soul, naive enough to believe it when people said they were fine. Things had changed since then. He knew better and it showed. He limped over to the table, keeping an eye on the breakfast he was making. "Now be honest Vas. What do you need? How can I best help out? Anything less than clear instructions will be ignored so unless you want me to do things from what I remember back when I helped dad out." He waved his wand again and a plate of food flew over to the table and landed in front of Vas. "Eat." He said simply as he sat down, absently rubbing at his right leg. Sometimes it got a little stiff when he was active for a longer period of time. It was nothing too serious but he got in the habit of trying to massage out the stiffness. One of the habits he'd gotten out of the accident.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

Vasilia was not used to these... stern, strict looks he kept giving her. Those scolding older sibling to a younger sibling look. It was a bit rich, coming from him. Yes, she was denying the truth. Denying the mess she'd gotten herself into. But she knew he kept just as much, if not more, to himself. Their mom, and Felix might not always know it, but Vas did. She'd always been good at reading people. Figuring them out. Understanding them. He couldn't hide from her. He tried though. And she might not know what he was hiding from her, but she knew there was something. "I think I've been getting as much sleep and food as you." It wasn't mean, but it was a little bit of a jab, reminding him that while he might be pointing out her own current... issues, he couldn't hide his from her.

He... wasn't wrong about her appetite. It had been pretty nonexistent to begin with. For a foody though, it was rather concerning. Still loved food. Still loved cooking. But she'd found that she'd been struggling to work up the desire to eat. She just had so much to do. Places to be. She often felt like she didn't have time. Though she made a face when he used magic to prepare something. She might be an elitist, but she felt like magic couldn't get the same flavors as cooking by hand. Just something magic couldn't replicate. Though, the glare finally made her sit down, like a thoroughly scolded child that had reluctantly given in. "Come on, Ili, I don't need you to baby sit me anymore." She was an adult, after all. She could make her own decisions. Besides, she knew what she was doing. She had everything under control. She pursed her lips when he asked what she needed, adding the threat that if she didn't tell him he'd do things dad's way. That shouldn't have worked, but it did. Because Vas had a system. She didn't need him to mess it up. Sure, things weren't too different, but she'd... refined them. Streamlined production. Changed the ice cream recipes. Added new ones that Ilija wouldn't know. She leaned forward, head in her hands and elbows on the table. Still looking every bit the sullen and scolded child. ".... I expanded the business partners. Today's pickup day for the bloodbank and Broomsticks, so have to get everything ready for them.." She didn't say exactly what those entailed, but it obviously wouldn't be recipes he knew. "I already have their orders mixing.... So just... checking on them until they're done. Then starting the regular batches for the day."

Then, the magicked meal was in front of her. Vas frowned. She didn't move for it yet. "Have you had breakfast yet? Or am I eating alone?"

[Deleted]

He saw that look she made when he used magic to make food but honestly, the purpose wasn't to make a chefs meal, the purpose was simply to get food on the table. He did almost nothing out of passion or love these days. The only thing that seemed to give him any sort of satisfaction was curse breaking, but even that was hardly something he could say made him happy. Too often the tombs brought back memories, although he'd long since learned to suppress those. It was the life threatening danger that helped with that, since he knew a moment of inattentiveness could and would kill him. It had been years since he'd been sent alone though, and he didn't want to risk others getting hurt in order to end his own pain. The bank was probably aware and not willing to lose him. Despite his many flaws he knew he was very good at his job. Even with a prosthetic he managed better that some curse breakers that were fully functional. When she pointed out that he hadn't been eating or sleeping much of late he shrugged. "Perhaps, but for starters, we're not currently discussing my situation. Secondly, I didn't collapse because I pushed myself but you did. Ergo, I'm better at dealing with food and sleep deprivation." He was being a little bit condescending and he knew. He sighed a little and then decided to grant her the same as Felix for a moment. More information and honesty. "It's been a rough month. You scared me half to death." He gave her a look that was slightly worried on the face but his eyes had the glassy quality to them that betrayed it went far deeper than a little scare.

When she went pouty and told him that she didn't need a babysitter he merely raised an eyebrow. "Well clearly you do." He stated rather bluntly. If she truly hadn't needed help he wouldn't have been here. If she truly didn't need a babysitter their mom wouldn't have sent him a letter expressing their concern and above all, their father wouldn't have told him he was worried. His father was the only person that really knew what had been going on with Ilija and while the man was grateful he knew that would soon have to change. He was eventually going to lose his father and the day seemed to be creeping near. If he also lost Vas he knew that he wouldn't be able to make it through. It was already taking everything he had to keep himself together.

He finally received some instructions and nodded slightly. This was good. He nodded, since he'd noticed that some of the produce clearly had been a different colour than he remembered. It could have been a change in the recipe but it made sense his sister had expanded business. Their dad had practically taught her all the tools of the trade and she knew business very well. He'd have been so incredibly proud of her if she hadn't collapsed. Now he was just worried, even though he was still a little proud his little sister was such a genius. He didn't worry if she'd make it in terms of work, he worried what price she was planning to pay for her success. He did check on the machines a moment, mostly to see if it all was turning as it should. He remembered enough, although the eerily red batch made more sense now he knew there were batches for the blood bank in there. That would require quite the cleaning before putting something else in. He knew the risks of badly cleaned machinery. He passed a hand over his stomach as those memories came back, although it made him smile slightly. Times had been a lot simpler when his biggest concern was accidentally ingesting something with regular milk in it.

As she asked if he had breakfast he looked over at her and smiled slightly. It seemed she worried about him a little. That was okay. "I did eat, but I can join you if that gets you to eat faster." He knew a second meal wouldn't do him any harm as his meal had been small and he'd forced himself to eat it more than anything. It had been enough for back home, but he knew he needed to start eating better now that he was around his family again. "I'll make you a deal. Eat and I'll try to answer some questions for as long as you're eating and resting. I'm not promising answers, but I'll try to do better." He planned to share about the same information he'd given Felix but he wanted to make sure that his sister was giving him less reason for concern in return for being more open. It had to work at least a little, although he knew that he could only share a little bit without making things worse. It was going to be a very careful balance with Vasilia.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

Vasilia couldn't help but think about what she would have fixed for breakfast, had she known he was coming. She would have made something familiar, a traditional english breakfast. Bascon, poached eggs, grilled tomatoes, fried mushrooms, sausage, and toast made from homemade bread. You couldn't mess with a classic like that. Plus, they both probably could have used the large meal (as much as she didn't want to admit it). Better yet, she'd found a fantastic bread recipe not to long ago that used goat's milk instead of cow, since Ilija couldn't have regular milk. She'd been searching, and trying, a number of recipes that used different types of milk recently, in preparation of Christmas, when she'd next expected him to come home. The point was, she still stood the fact that she believed cooking by hand was far superior to magic. She frowned as he immediately shot down her attempt to turn the conversation on him. "Being 'better' at dealing with something doesn't make it good. You're admitting that you're better at starving yourself." He did at least have one point. He hadn't worked himself to the bone. Though, if he had, she wouldn't know. It wasn't like he shared much about daily life with the family. She looked away as he mentioned scaring him half to death. No doubt a sentiment the entire family shared. "I'm sorry..." Her voice was barely a whisper. Their parents had stopped by the day after her collapse and she'd barely been able to look at them, ashamed of how she'd worried them. "I didn't realize-" She forced herself to stop talking. How hard she'd been working. How much she'd been taking on. It just felt... natural. Because who else would do it? "I didn't mean to worry anyone." She'd just... wanted to take some of the burden off their parents.

Ilija's jab, that clearly she did need a babysitter, stung. The hell? Vasilia wasn't an angry person, but it was quite... annoying and frustrating. While Ilija was her older brother, he hadn't acted like it when he lived at home. He'd left home when she was 14, and after that only ever visited once a year. He'd started to act more like an older brother after that, but it was hard to really see him as her "elder" and more responsible when he only really popped in every twelve months. When he closed himself off to them. "Please, Ili, it was one accident. It's hardly worth all this concern."

Vasilia was the odd one out with her brothers. While they'd been off at Hogwarts, learning magic, she'd been home. Going to muggle school, but also working in the shop every day after work. She understood the business as well as their father. Every part of it. Finances, supplies, demand, marketing, hiring, management, etc. The ice cream parlour was in all of their blood, but her brother's hadn't lived and breathed it the way she did. Clearly though, she'd bitten off more then she could chew when she decided she could run the parlour, the pub, and go to school at the same time. While she'd never admit it, but maybe if she had magic... Maybe she wouldn't have exhausted herself so much. She had to work twice as hard as everyone else, it seemed. Something she was used to. Having to take two steps for every one her siblings took. Fighting to keep up. That was a huge part of where her work ethic had first come from, always having to prove herself despite having no magic.

Vasilia glanced down at the plate he'd fixed, trying not to make another face. Really, magicked food. Such a waste of good ingredients. He mentioned being willing to join her, if it helped. Vas shrugged. Then, he offered her something better. He'd try to answer (though he made no promises exactly) if she ate. As tempting as that was... Vas wasn't the sort to force answers out of people. Ilija had many secrets, secrets that haunted him. That he didn't share. "I'd rather you tell me when you're ready and not because you needed a bargaining chip to get me to eat." As desperately as she wanted to know, she'd rather he tell her everything he'd been keeping when it was the right time, and he was actually ready for it. "How about this. I'll eat, if you promise to be my taste tester later. Promise, nothing you're allergic to."

[Deleted]

CW: the accident, depression, ptsd (these three are "the usual" for future reference in this thread)

There it was, the exact reason he always had to be more careful around Vas. Felix was angry with him, he'd noticed that much. Somewhere he feared that his brother would never forgive him for being away all these years, no matter the circumstances. Was he supposed to drop his entire life just to come help them out? Well he felt it shouldn't have been expected of him, yet he did it all the same. Maybe it would have been different if he'd had an actual life and family, but that wasn't the case. He could have returned sooner, he just hadn't felt up for it. There was a lot more going on than anybody but their father knew, yet he couldn't manage to tell them. It was like everything in him froze the moment he considered opening his mouth.He smiled wryly as she claimed he was admitting to starving himself. "Not quite. I'm admitting to bad eating habits. Starving tends to mean you choose not to eat even if you're hungry. I'm just never hungry." It wasn't even an overstatement. He felt his stomach rumble and that was his cue to eat. He didn't feel hunger, he simply knew that he needed to eat. He sighed and looked at her in slight frustration. "Unlike me, you're not listening to what your body needs. That is what I'm worried about. You're going to hurt yourself a lot more if you keep going like this." He knew, far too well.

He squeezed her shoulder softly as she apologised and smiled kindly. "I know. You didn't want to burden anybody or worry them. You probably figured you could do it all without help, or didn't think anybody could help in the way you needed. You're never going to find out if you don't ask." Once again, speaking from personal experience, up to a very deep point. He realised there was a chance she could read that in his voice but he knew he'd have to confess part of his story sooner or later. It wasn't just Christmas this time and Vasilia was far too perceptive to be able to be fooled long enough to get away with sharing as little as he usually did for six months. That was the minimum time that he had at least. He'd probably find an apartment in the area and stick around longer, at least until everything was fine. After that? Who knew... He at least didn't. He never looked that far into the future.

When she said it was only one accident and hardly worth all this concern he felt his entire body tense up. His expression had been soft and gentle but it instantly turned cold and hard as stone. His face got significantly paler as the way she dismissed the one accident dug into his bones. People had told him that too often. It was only one accident and it didn't mean he wasn't good at his job. Only one, yet one that had changed his life forever. His normal reaction was exploding and throwing every horrible detail in their faces to let them know that just one accident could change everything forever, but naturally he couldn't do that to Vasilia. He couldn't stop the physical reaction, but he bit back the anger and pain. Yet there she was, as always, with that alarmed expression on her face that showed she realised her mistake moment before flames engulfed her and the impact of the explosion sent him flying. An intense wave of pain rolled through his right leg, that was not. His hand hand clenched itself into a fist and it took his a moment to relax his body enough. His voice was hard and cold as he spoke, looking off into the distance rather than facing his sister. She didn't know. "One accident is enough to permanently change a life, take it from somebody that knows." He hoped that she'd consider the fact he'd been limping and was referring to that, but he was more than aware his reaction was very intense and that it might prompt more questions. He just couldn't help himself.

He relaxed a little again as she told him she didn't want a bargaining chip as something to get her to eat. He respected that. The idea of being a taste tester was interesting, although he feared he wouldn't really deliver much. All food tasted like sand in his mouth. Yet it seemed the best option so he nodded a little reluctantly. "Deal, though I have to warn you I won't be able to give you much in terms of flavour. If you'd give me something burned it tastes the same to me as a five star dish." He warned her. He could easily blame that on a curse from a tomb he'd been in rather than a crippling depression. Maybe it was best to start there? "Might have picked up a curse somewhere." He shrugged dismissively as he knew that was a lie, but it might as well have been true. Even if he had been cursed he wouldn't have noticed it either way. He paused and took a deep breath.

"As for being ready, I think I am ready to tell a few things." Every fiber of his body hurt, but it wasn't more than moment before. The image of Hannah was still burned in his mind and he'd told Felix already so he figured that he had to tell Vas as well. Exactly the same information and lack of it at the same time. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I sold the house." The house abroad, the house where he and Hannah were supposed to have built their future together. The empty shell of a future that he'd been clinging to for years. "There didn't seem much point to keep it around now I'm back here for at least half a year, least of all with Hannah gone." The effort it took to even get that little bit out seemed to utterly exhaust him already. Yet he'd told Felix the same so he didn't want to keep Vasilia in the dark, even if there was a risk she'd get a lot more information out of that than Felix had. The only advantage was that the pain was still so fresh after the trigger that it was much easier to keep his face from contracting in pain at the mention of her name. Guess there were advantages to everything.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

Vasilia really felt like this whole conversation was slightly hypocritical. If he had a hard time taking care of himself, how was he supposed to give her sound advice on how to take care of herself? Shouldn't he be listening to his own advice? Of course, she wasn't a very confrontational person, so she kept those thoughts to herself. As much as she wished she could chastise him, he was just as stubborn as her. Vasilia's gaze dropped to her lap and her tightly clasped hands when he squeezed her shoulders. She did feel bad... for worrying everyone the way she had. That was the last thing the family needed right now. With their dad sick... They should be worrying about him, and not her. As twisted as it was, she was mad at herself for not being strong enough to handle it all. Mad at herself for worrying their parents when they had enough on their plate. "I didn't want mum and dad to worry about the shop. They have enough to worry about already," she muttered softly. She'd taken on a lot of the shop responsibilities over the years, as their father's health deteriorated, but she'd taken sole responsibility of it in March. Because if she hadn't... who would have? Felix was still in school, and Ilija had been abroad. If Vas hadn't stepped up to fill the void in the business, it would have collapsed. But, she kept that to herself. Ilija had been gone so long... He hadn't been around to see just how hard the illness had been on their parents. He probably had a bit of an idea from letters, but it was different to see it, then read it.

Oh, his sudden change in demeanor didn't get past Vasilia. She looked up, eyebrows furrowed together. The way he froze up, that cold look in his eyes, the color draining from his face. Clearly she'd said something wrong. Something that didn't happen often, if she was being honest. Though, it had triggered him somehow. Her own expression turned to one of concern, but she didn't say anything. She'd learned a long time ago to not bother asking him if he was alright, because he'd lie, or change the subject. When he finally spoke, there was that tone again. It was familiar. Icy and distant. Obviously, she'd never gotten details of what accident he'd been in, but he'd had a limp for years. It was easy to guess that something had happened. And considering how he reacted if you ever asked about it, he clearly didn't want to talk about it. She dropped her gaze back to her hands. She hated that look and tone. She just nodded, refusing to answer verbally.

Vasilia smiled a touch as he agreed. Being an aspiring chef, she enjoyed making food for people. It had been a long time since she'd made something that Ilija really enjoyed though, and it had become a bit of a challenge of constantly trying new recipes to see his reaction. Though, as he suggested she give him something burnt and he'd still think it was five star she gave him a scrutinizing look. "I'd never burn food." Plus, there was more to food then just flavor (though that was a big part...). There was also texture.

It was surprising, when Ilija suggested he was ready to share a little. Well, that was new. Her surprise was written all over her face. When was the last time Ilija had shared anything with them? She couldn't recall. She didn't say anything, in fear that she might dissuade him from sharing whatever it was he felt suddenly ready to share. So, she listened. The house. The one Vasilia knew he'd bought but never really known much about. He and Hannah had bought it, before they lost the baby. Aside from that? That was as much as she'd ever known about it. Not where it was, how big it was, what it looked like, nothing. Then, another bit about no point in keeping it with Hannah gone. While Ilija had never addressed Hannah's absence with Vasilia, she'd known Hannah was gone. You didn't go from wanting to marry someone, to never mentioning their name (and never hearing from said person) and something not be up. Though, the details of where Hannah had gone were still a mystery. Maybe he'd expect surprise from what he said, but Vasilia didn't look surprised. Because despite his refusal to share things, his refusal had already given away at least that. "Won't you miss your work?" He was a curse breaker, after all. All the curse breakers that had been stuck behind the quarantine had gone a bit stir crazy from lack of work. Would Ilija be like that, committing to stay in England for at least 6 months?

[Deleted]

It made perfect sense to him that she hadn't wanted to worry their parents. It sounded painfully familiar to him. It was part of what had kept him from sharing as well. Why did his sister have to be more like him than Felix on that point? Maybe if she'd been more like their little brother things could have been easier on the entire family. Not wanting others to worry and being willing to risk your own health for it seemed like a family trademark by now. At least between the two of them. He nodded as she explained. "I understand. I never wanted them to worry either." He confessed. "It didn't exactly stop them from worrying though." Ilija was pretty sure their father still worried about him a lot. With good reason of course. He'd been standing on the edge of a metaphorical abyss for years now, unable to turn back or look beyond it. He knew their father was worried he'd give in to the exhaustion and allow himself to fall forward into the darkness that was waiting for him. Sometimes it felt as though that was inevitable. Eventually he'd let the darkness take him... He blinked, forcing himself out of his thoughts and the debilitating sense of comfort they seemed to grant him. Why was that so much easier?

He didn't fail to spot it. The reaction that she had to him when he tensed up and put his barriers up around him. He didn't answer and he lashed out for as far as he ever did. Just one accident, it was a stupid thing to say. He could still feel the uncomfortable sensation as it felt his heart was squirming in his chest, trying to twist and end the pain for him. He couldn't move at first as he felt the pain spreading through his veins like icy little shard of glass. Every part of him was in pain and the ghost of his leg was on fire. She nodded but he still had to force himself to remember that she didn't know because of him. It was his own fault for never sharing. "I'm sorry." He said, although a little begrudgingly. "One of these days I'll actually be able to talk about it." He promised, although in part to himself. He couldn't keep the secrets forever. One of his colleagues would rat him out if they stopped by the shop to say hello. That or one of his old friends would ask about Hannah and he'd be forced to explain at some point. He took a shaky breath and covered his face as he took a moment, fighting back the tears that were burning in his eyes. Not today, but one of these days.

Perhaps he'd insulted her by suggesting she could burn food and he wouldn't notice the difference. He looked up again, a faint half smile on his face. "I know Vas. It was more of an example, although admittedly a bad one. I eat because I must but I don't enjoy it." He hadn't for a long time and he figured that it'd been obvious, despite his polite comments that her food was delicious. Where everybody had been stunned at some of the holiday parties with the quality of her cooking, he'd seen their faces only to realise that he didn't taste it. There was no joy in food or eating, no matter what it was made of. Not for him at least.

She was surprised to hear he was willing to share a little but seemed to have little surprise ready for what he shared. It made sense, since she'd always been rather observant. It made it harder to share, since she'd pick up far more details than he wanted to let go. It had always been like that. It was in part due to Vas that he'd realised how he felt about Hannah. She was oddly observant, even from a young age. It made sense that she'd already realised Hannah was gone, since talking about her had been far too painful for Ilija. They'd planned to get married and then suddenly it had been nothing but silence on that front. She asked a question that made him smile slightly and chuckle a little. "Of course." He said rather easily. "I'll miss more than just work. I'll miss home and the village. I won't miss the tombs, although the adventure helps to feel alive for a change." He shrugged dismissively. "There are more important things than being a little home sick for half a year. I can always take on an odd job from time to time if possible in combination with helping out at the shop and at home. Teddy assured me he won't mind my crashing on his sofa so it's all good." Missing work wasn't too bad. He was far more worried about how his trauma was going to affect his life here. The city was not a quiet place after all.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

Vasilia couldn't bring herself to look at Ilija. Ashamed at herself for worrying the entire family when they had much bigger problems. Keeping the shop running, as normal as possible. So that their mother could focus on their father. So their father could rest. So that both their parents could focus on the hospital stays, the medical issues, the worsening prognosis and health. If Vas could keep the shop afloat, then they wouldn't have to worry about income, which was needed for their father's health, which was needed to keep their parents' house. Was needed to keep the shop in general. If the shop fell, what would happen? The Fortescue family could lose everything, because the family wouldn't lose it's source of income. While the eldest of a family would usually step up in this situation, Ilija hadn't been there. So Vasilia, had. No one else could have. And she'd worked... and worked... and worked. Gave everything she could to support herself, her younger brother, and her parents. Because there hadn't been anyone else.

Vas looked up, finally, when he apologized, promising he'd be able to talk about it one day. One day. Vasilia wasn't someone that got angry easily, but... she felt that flicker of anger deep in her chest. Just the smallest of flames. One day. One day when? Tomorrow? In five more years? In ten years? When he was on his death bed? He'd been different for years. Carrying some dark weight. She wanted to snap at him. Ask if he actually meant it, or if it was just an empty promise. Because she'd stopped hoping he'd open up to them a long time ago. Stopped hoping that he'd just talk to them, and tell them what was going on. While she didn't utter those words, when she looked at him, her eyes almost seemed to say them. The undeniable doubt in her eyes at what he'd just said.

The few details he shared, while quite little, was at least a good sign. IT was the most he'd shared about "himself" in a long time. Though it wasn't surprising information. IT was still progress. Of course. Though, as he responded she immediately picked up on his mention of "Teddy" and crashing on a sofa. She raised an eyebrow. So he was back but not back. Still keeping his distance from the family. Vas and Felix personally lived in the apartment above the shop. Since their parents owned the building it was the most convenient place to stay for the young adults. Freedom from their parent's house, but not necessarily entirely on their own. Since Vas knew their parents had a spare key to the apartment. Though there was another part of that comment that especially irked her. Crashing on Teddy's sofa meant he must have at least reached out to his friend before coming. So had everyone know Ilija was coming home except her? Or had Ilija kept the whole family out of the secret until he actually got here. "If you needed a place to stay, you should have let us know. Could have cleared out the spare bedroom in the apartment upstairs."

[Deleted]

He knew the moment he saw the look in her eyes. She didn't believe he'd share one day. Didn't believe he was capable of opening up. The flicker of anger was enough for him to want to avoid it even more, even though that would only make her anger burn brighter. Well, all the better. It only meant the pain would be less when he'd eventually stop being part of their lives completely. It seemed more and more inevitable. One day he'd stop receiving an invitation to family Christmas and somewhere within the year that followed he'd simply stop, knowing there were no threads left tethering him to this world. He knew part of him longed for it, whatever end would await. There were plenty of tombs he could disappear into and join the silent dead in peaceful slumber. He would have done so years ago, if not for his family. Maybe it was part of why he shut them out. He didn't really want to live so he didn't want those that kept him alive to keep doing so.

A wry smile appeared on his face the moment Vas mentioned he could have let them know so they could have cleared space for him. While it would certainly have been interesting he also knew that it could only have ended badly. The nightmares brought on by his trauma would have kept all of them awake, even with the sleeping draughts he took to make sure he slept enough every night. They made his sleep better, but far from good. The exhaustion was such a natural part of life to him but it was clear that Vas needed her rest, now more than ever. "I'm not a good room-mate Vas. Teddy tolerates me for now but I doubt that will last very long." The wry little smile remained on his lips as he looked at her and shrugged. "Besides, I don't think you or Felix would really want me around that much. While I might understand the point of view the both of you share on my absence and return, I don't think that amount of resentment makes for a very healthy living environment." He felt it best to acknowledge it, since it was nearly impossible to miss. He then sighed and looked out the window. "I'll need some time to adjust to living in the city again, along with some other concerns. I'll keep the offer in mind in case Teddy kicks me out."

It was the best he could do, considering he still wasn't open to actually sharing all that much. If his siblings had to deal with the part of him that was the opposite of how he portrayed himself they would have more concerns and that was the last thing they needed. There was enough to worry about for the family without piling his past on top of the present. There was a time and place for everything and the only thing he really knew was that this wasn't the time and place for his trauma at all. He'd try to sort that out at a more appropriate time, when they were all less tired and could handle having such a bomb dropped on their lives. The emotions weren't likely to change with a few months of waiting anyway.

vasilia abigail fortescue

[vasilia abigail fortescue]

September 14, 2025
@ilija

Vasilia wasn't expecting Ilija to accept the offer. It would have been shocking for him to willingly stay close to the family he'd been so distant from. At least his refusal wasn't just a flat out no. He spun it as if he was doing them a favor. Though then he had to just keep talking. That her and Felix wouldn't want him around. Again, Vas really wasn't an angry person. Ever. Like, at all. But something about that comment just... Vas pursed her lips tightly together and let out a slow breath, trying very hard not to react. She clasped her hands tightly together in her lap, staring down at them. Finally she looked up back up at him. "God, Ilija. You're my brother. You make it sound like I hate you." She unclasped her hands and ran a hand through her hair, letting out another breath. Now that she'd said that, she felt more confident to continue.

"Ilija, you've kept me at arm's length and treated me like a stranger since I was fourteen. Do you know how goddam confusing it is to have a brother one day, and then a stranger the next? And every Christmas you'd come home, and I'd hope that maybe, maybe this year you'd open up. That maybe you'd stop being so distant. Only every year it felt like you were even farther away." She didn't share her feelings like this often. Not to Ilija. Because when you shut people out, they tended to shut you out. "This-" she motioned the space between them with her hands. "Is probably the most open you've been in seven years. Seven years, Ilija. You've been gone half Felix's childhood. You've missed almost all his major life moments. Did you know that when he finally realized how he identified that he had to come to his sister because his brother, who he probably desperately needed to talk to, wasn't around? And I try my hardest to support him, but I don't understand what he's feeling or how to help him be... be a guy." God, Vasilia loved Felix so much, and she supported his transition one hundred percent. But she had this horrible feeling of being a failure of a sister because she couldn't help her brother the way he probably needed. "But I have to. I have to try and support him the best I can, even though I don't know how. Because you aren't there."

She took a shaky breath. She'd said more then she'd intended, but once she'd started to talk, she hadn't been able to stop. "I love you, Ilija. Despite everything I'm not resentful. I'm just tired of getting my hopes up that you'll stop pushing us away."

[Deleted]

Finally it seemed the bomb had burst but Ilija only felt relief that his sister finally spoke up. It would do her good, even if it hurt to hear her words. Everything would be different, regardless of his own choices. This year wouldn't be the same as others, but he knew that he couldn't do what they needed. As she burst out in opening up, he felt himself shut down as he always did. It was a lot easier not to feel than to deal with everything he felt. He might have looked calm but everything hurt. He listened and waited patiently as she spoke, letting the words carve out his heart as he always knew they would. It never was easy to come back because it never was easy to face the life he lost. He spoke softly when he finally did respond to her, but his words were filled with a weary tiredness that betrayed the years of sorrow he carried with him. "I don't think you hate me and that isn't the reason I choose to stay away either." He said his voice barely above a whisper. He was exhausted, but that wasn't going to change anything. Not this time and not ever.

"And you're right of course. I suppose that I am a stranger ever since...." He stopped, unable to get the words out. "I've been one for a long time." He concluded lamely, knowing that he couldn't force the words to come out without breaking himself to pieces, unable to recover. It wouldn't help anybody if they lost what little there was left of him. "But even if I had been here it wouldn't have changed much." He said in full honesty. "I couldn't have shown Felix how to be a guy. I couldn't have helped to run the shop. I might have been there, but there wasn't enough of me left to be anything for anybody." He sighed deeply and looked at her, the frustration in both his eyes and his words. "I barely managed to pull myself together for Christmas. Those days I was over took months, Vasilia....months to recover from because I spent far more energy into trying to pretend I was dealing with everything when I wasn't." He felt the frustration crawl into his body and his skin and he clenched his fists on the edge of the table, trying so hard to recover what was left. He took a deep breath to steady himself. "What little I had left I sold and parted from to help out here. I gave up everything I had there to come back here so I wouldn't lose you." He felt his hands grow painful with the pressure he put on them but he could hardly stop now. The pressure was on now and it was impossible to let go. "The brother you knew died years ago and I promise I'm doing whatever I can to tell you but I need more time." He felt his throat clench shut, unable to say more or speak more.

He managed to release the table and pulled on his hair for a moment in utter frustration as tears of frustration and pain filled his eyes. He squeezed them shut but all that did was bring back the memories that caused all his grief. Not one funeral but two within months of each other. His son and his fiancee, both gone forever, leaving him stranded alone. He did not have the strength to reach out so he kept everything in. His one hand dropped to the table and he traced the outline of a rune, over and over. He could never forget because of what it had stolen from him. One single rune. It almost calmed him down when he felt his stress get too high. "Time, Vasilia." He said, hating how weak and broken his voice sounded. "No matter what's left behind....." He took a breath, not even sure if she was still around or listening to him. He was lost in the maze of his own mind. "... it keeps on moving and we're always out of it." He absently rubbed the tattoo on his hand that was a clock, as a reminder that he couldn't trust time to be on his side. If only he could turn back time and bring her back.....

vasilia abigail fortescue