through the glass | Ilija

[rhys alexander greyback]

that forever feels like home
sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

Rhys walked out of Gringotts and paused. He was tired. It was part exhaustion from his usual sleep troubles but also because meetings at the bank were never something he was particularly interested in and he’d been called to do small jobs since he was stuck here that involved artifacts already in vaults. It wasn’t as mentally stimulating to him as being stuck in a tomb or an underground cavern, there was no adrenaline rush to keep you aware and awake and all your senses put on high alert. Rhys missed it, the thrill and the adventure. People asked him why he had chosen this field and even if it hadn’t been his first choice the idea of discovering old artifacts and old history had fascinated him, but the adventure and the risk had been the added bonus of that. It didn’t seem to matter what day of the week it was, but Diagon Alley always had some kind of crowd. It wasn’t as bad as the weekend or the few weeks before the term at Hogwarts began but busy enough.

His work had finished earlier than he had anticipated and for once he didn’t quite feel like a drink yet, so he decided perhaps a stroll would suffice for now. He remembered fondly the first time he had been brought here right before his eleventh birthday and to prepare for his first year at the school. Rhys had been so nervous, he noticed immediately how other children and parents were kind and polite to him until he mentioned his last name and suddenly their mood would shift. It had been a hard lesson to learn and he’d had to learn to guard himself early on, though the handful of old school friends he had from those days managed to get somewhat past. A few of them he even worked with or had at some point or still saw on occasion. He strolled along and observed Wizards and Witches in a hurry, late for a meeting somewhere or some with their families as kids happily peered through the shop windows at Quidditch gear and broomsticks they weren’t old enough to use yet.

Then he paused as he approached the familiar and famous Ice Cream Parlor. Vas immediately popped in his head. They had begun a sort of unlikely friendship. He’d stop by the pub a few times a week as used to do any other pub and have a few drinks, but he was on a mission now to try everything on that menu and they would chat while she worked and until he left. It had been quite some time since he’d had some ice cream and maybe if she was in there, he could at least pop in and say hello since he was in the area. Rhys pushed the door open, for once it wasn’t full of children or families and he approached the counter. There were new flavors now, but he still remembered the ones from when he was a boy. However, when someone came out from the back it wasn’t what he expected, and he froze a bit. It was a face he hadn’t seen or heard from in years and clearly, he was out of the loop on whatever was going on. ”Ilija?” His face looked the same but he seemed different, aside from the fact that they weren’t eighteen year old boys in training anymore.

[Deleted]

It had been a long time since Ilija had seen Rhys. The two had been decently good friends before Ilija had gotten hurt. Afterwards? Well Ilija hadn't really bothered to keep in touch with anybody. He hadn't known how to deal with his pain and a lot of people didn't know how to approach him after. Some wanted to act like nothing had happened, but his demeanour had changed to much to be able to pretend. Others treated him as if he was suddenly made of glass and ready to break at anything. While not inaccurate it didn't really help him at all either. All that did was remind him of his loss and he hated remembering, even if he couldn't escape him. It was easier for everybody that he'd disappeared for a while. Those that wanted to deal had found a way and those that hadn't known how hadn't been forced to. He didn't hold grudges, since he knew it was all on him. He could have stayed in touch, but he hadn't.

Still, it was odd to see him now, so many years later. He looked surprised to see him and Ilija couldn't blame him. He wasn't exactly an open person since the accident. He shifted on his golden leg slightly. It made him uncomfortable, despite knowing it was well hidden beneath his clothes. Rhys was likely to know and well, he didn't really want Vas or Felix knowing more or asking questions he couldn't answer. Things were strained enough as it was. He smiled half a smile at Rhys. "Hey Rhys. Long time." He motioned to one of the people in the shop to cover for him. Since he was here on voluntary basis rather than full time employee he was able to take breaks whenever he wanted. It had partially been so he could rest his leg. Going through tombs used ones limbs in a very different way than sales did and it didn't really suit him. His body wasn't used to it so it usually meant his leg got sore faster.

"What brings you over?" He asked curiously and motioned to one of the seats. "If you'd like to catch up, it's on me. See it as an apology for not keeping in touch after...." He paused, suppressing the urge to flinch or shiver. "You know. Just don't talk about that here. I haven't told my siblings the details and I prefer they don't find out like this." He said, his weight on the non-prosthetic. That one could handle standing still quite a lot better. Staying in motion made more sense. He was due for a small break though so he sat down on the chair, not quite smoothly. He absently rubbed his leg, massaging the stiffness out a little. He definitively needed to get used to it. He just hoped that Rhys was willing to catch up. He knew he'd need some cursebreaking buddies to talk to every once in a while during his time helping out in the shop. It was better to think of tombs than be left alone with his thoughts.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

He looked the same, the same red hair and the same face but the look in his eyes was very different. It was familiar, almost as if it was the same look that Rhys saw in his own when he looked in the mirror. They had met their first year at school and really it had been an entire gang of Hufflepuffs that had begun with Renfri and then a couple of friends from Ravenclaw and Nell and other friends from Slytherin. A good handful of them had gone into Curse Breaking together and Rhys felt comfortable with them as one would a family. It also helped that their birthdays had been a little less than a fortnight apart. Rhys got over his initial shock of seeing him, he he’d heard rumors and had his own suspicions on what happened, but he didn’t bring it up. ”Yea, how many years has it been now?” His tone was a mix of surprise but also, he was genuinely happy to see him.

Ilija moved to a table nearby and Rhys took the seat that he had pointed to, he seemed wary of whether Rhys would sit and talk to him or not and it made him curious of many things. ”I was in the area, had to do some paperwork at the bank.” He commented, the Hag’s Fever situation had made things incredibly slow and a lot slower than Rhys was used to. He nodded. Rhys was aware of an accident, but he hadn’t been made aware of any details despite whatever unconfirmed conclusions that he could draw himself. And there was one that lingered on his mind, Ilija was here but…..Hannah wasn’t. She had been his other half during their school days and Rhys admitted they had been an excellent match and she had also been a friend of his who had promptly smacked him upside the head after he’d dumped Deva who was in her house as well.

Rhys kept his questions to himself but nodded, he knew what it was like to want to spare your loved one’s details of painful events in one’s life to avoid the pity in their eyes. ”I understand.” Rhys didn’t need to be asked twice on such a request, but he wondered what details were so horrid you didn’t want to share them. Still, he felt bothered—not by anything Ilija had done but for his own actions or lack thereof. ”I um—I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch, I sent a few letters, but you seemed like you needed space.” It was the truth, he’d been worried after hearing about the accident and it wasn’t until Rhys had his own close call a couple of years after that he understood what it could do to one’s head.

[Deleted]

It always felt as if the time gap was more than just the time between last seeing people. It was the time between now and the moment that changed everything. The moment that had profoundly changed him once upon a time. How long had it been since the cheerful boy people had come to know and expect had disappeared? "About six years now." Ilija said rather calmly, almost as if discussing the weather. It was so much more heavy and loaded than such a question ever should have been. It changed nothing. Still, he was glad that Rhys didn't seem to mind seeing him. There had been surprise in his eyes but no anger to suggest his old friend had felt betrayed in some way or another. It helped a lot in making Ilija feel a little more comfortable despite everything.

Ilija couldn't help but pull a face at the mention of paperwork. "I never liked paperwork much." He muttered in a low tone. He'd been swamped with far too much paperwork after the accident and he still received mail on occasion that shouldn't have been sent. It was near impossible to unsubscribe to one of the muggle magazines that Hannah had loved and after 3 years and a certificate he'd finally managed to stop getting pretty faces with too much make-up through his mail box. He'd donated them all to one of the local girls in the village and she'd been quite grateful.

Rhys understood and Ilija had a feeling he understood a lot better than all the people that claimed to understand. People could understand the idea but the emotional baggage was a different thing. It had more impact than most people realised. He looked up with a faint and muted smile as Rhys apologised for not keeping in touch. "I didn't exactly write back, did I? I shut almost everybody out. I wrote Cas but that's all." He shrugged and seated himself, sighing deeply. "I might just have taken a bit too much space. I'm pretty sure both my siblings are mad at me for not being around more." He confessed but he shrugged it off. He'd had his own concerns to worry about and his life abroad had taken precedence. His father had specifically asked him not to put his entire life on hold for his sake. Now that it also impacted Vas things were different of course. "Tell me about life. How have people been?" He asked, partially because he wanted to orient himself. He'd been away for quite some time and while he had no haste to pretend he wanted to build a life for himself here he knew there was more to it. If he would be here for half a year he at least wanted to reconnect with some people. Rhys was one of them.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

Six years, it didn’t feel that long to Rhys. But then again, he’d been so busy working and dealing with other things that after a while he stopped keeping track. There were few people he trusted so closely as he did his school friends and the ones that had also gone into Curse Breaking and had his back while he had theirs, he felt an undeniable amount of trust. His life had him wary of people and honestly had it not been for the few people that befriended him at school and finding his siblings he would still be that scared little boy and not the mane he was now. The serious nature had stayed but his life had changed overall. It had been a shock to see him, but at the same time Rhys wasn’t angry or really any negative emotion and almost felt relieved to see him. His old friend was alive, he was here, and he felt the same kindship he had back when they were seventeen.

Nobody in their field liked paperwork and if they did they typically weren’t in the field and stayed behind a desk in the bank. Both of the boys were the eldest of their respective families in terms of siblings, they understood what that meant sometimes and the need to protect them or want to from information. A friend had encouraged Rhys to share more of his story and his past with Jamie and Max and his other siblings, but it still didn’t sit easy with him, he didn’t want their pity. Still, he was sympathetic. ”I don’t think that’s true, but even if they are, they still care and worry about you.” His sister, who he’d become acquainted with, seemed the friendly and kind sort. Not the type to hold a grudge. Rhys shrugged, there hadn’t been that much new with him. But there had, Elias dying the previous year and such but nothing he really wanted to talk about yet.

”Just working and been here since the Spring when the Hag’s Fever stuff started.” Rhys spoke, ”Which hasn’t been too bad. I want to get back to work but its been nice spending time with my sisters and friends.”

[Deleted]

Ilija ran a hand through his hair and shrugged as Rhys disagreed, but only half. He felt they still worried and cared about him, which Ilija felt was likely to be true. Some things were more out of habit than anything else and he felt a weariness about his past that dragged him down to the darkness of his mind on a near daily basis. He took a deep breath and squinted against the pale sun for a moment as he shrugged. "It doesn't seem fair that they do." He said, unable to explain that statement very much. "I've been unable to share what happened with anybody and I still feel it consume me from the inside. If their care and worry cannot take that away it feels like wasted energy." He wasn't sure if he'd ever truly heal. He managed to stay alive but it never was much more than that. He felt like he was dragging himself out of a deep dark pit but for every foot he managed to climb up he always fell back down at least as much, or even more. The darkness grew darker and the light was almost impossible to see now. The ghosts of his past were haunted him, taunting and teasing to give in and let go of the life he was so desperately clinging to and he wanted to listen to them. He wanted to let go more than anything, but guilt chained him to life and forced him to keep up the climb.

He shrugged to dismiss it all and once again pretend everything would be just fine. There was nothing to be concerned about. He glanced down at his hands, the dark ink under his skin almost bringing him a sense of comfort. Some things were permanent. He chuckled at the mention of Hag's Fever though. "Oh I know. That lockdown had me doing double the work. It was a great relief never to have to ask for a job. The advantages of living abroad, I suppose." He said cheerfully. He had loved the intensity and the near constant tomb raiding he'd managed to get in. He'd had some pretty hefty pay checks come in over summer while the entire magical UK had been on lockdown. With nobody allowed in or out it had been easy to pick whichever job he wanted as the competition wasn't all that impressive and a lot of people were willing to trade off contracts rather than fight for them. It had gotten him quite a lot of jobs and his bank account was a lot fuller now than it had been before. Not that he really spent the money on anything.

He nodded after that though. "Yeah, it's my turn to spend time with the family, although it'll be a while before I'll be able to honestly classify it as nice. I normally only ever really see them for Christmas. They're a bit too busy to come out to the remote corner where I used to live so that leads to a certain sense of estrangement." He admitted. He might not have invited his siblings but none of his family had bothered to try and visit. He didn't blame them for it, although their hypocrisy in his not reaching out had an amusing side note when one considered they hadn't bothered to ask to visit at any point. On that point he couldn't wait to move abroad again. It was bound to be a lot more quiet again.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

Rhys nodded. He knew that exact feeling. How do you share your grief without becoming a burden to one’s family and loved ones? Rhys could count on one hand who exactly knew the details of his childhood and everybody else knew the summary. ”I think the last thing we want to do is make them worry or be sad. You can tell them when you’re ready.” People had encouraged Rhys to be more open about his experiences, but he hadn’t been, and he didn’t want to disrupt whatever harmony that brought him and his family. Well, whatever he didn’t end up disrupting himself somehow. Still, even twenty years later it was hard to let go of weight one was so accustomed to carrying constantly. On that, Rhys could relate. Not that he was one to ever follow his own advice.


”The only work I managed to get was at the bank and then paperwork.” Rhys lamented. It had been boring on that account, but his life had gotten interesting in other ways. He would have never run into Maria or others he’d befriended over his months home or spent this much time with his family. He and Dahlia wrote back and forth since she wasn’t able to enter the country just yet. But he missed the dirt, sand and dust and overall adrenaline rush and thrill. Paperwork tended to put him to sleep. Though he hadn’t been yearning for the purpose of money, all his back-to-back work the previous year had left him with a hefty buffer in case of something like this not that his life was lavish. Many galleons tended to be spent on whiskey, it seemed.

”Its hard to adjust, I worked so much last year and the holidays before that. It’s strange sitting still.” Everything was…quiet. No waiting for the next thing or something to pop out at you. He worried it would affect him when he did finally get back to work, but he’d take it slow. ”I’ll probably stay till the Holidays this year, but I miss work.” He admitted, it would have been the longest he’d been home continuously since the Triwizard Tournament and also since he’d graduated Hogwarts. He’d managed to make it home for his sibling’s graduations at least as well. ”How are you doing, though?” He asked on a more serious note. Right now it was simply a case of it took one to know one, Rhys could see the pain in his eyes—he worried about his old friend.

[Deleted]

Ilija was fairly certain that he'd never truly be ready to share. How would he even start a conversation like that? He couldn't imagine it coming up naturally so it made very little sense to imagine that he wouldn't have to deal with how to even break the topic to them. It was an insane task and nothing would make it simple or even easier. He gave half a smile but it wasn't quite sincere. "I'm not sure if I'll ever be, but I'll keep it in mind." It was the best reply he could give without the old habit of lying instantly sinking in. It was easier, without a doubt, but he was trying to be more sincere. No doubt that was going to bite him in the arse at some point.

Ilija flinched slightly at the mention of paperwork. He absolutely despised it all. He understood it was needed but all in all he preferred the parts of the job that were dangerous and risky. It was commonly known that curse breaking was not a career for people that were not in for a fair amount of danger. They got paid rather handsomely for putting their lives on the line and it showed on many of the injuries that he and friends had obtained. It showed in early retirement and other chosen professions. It showed in tombstones and grave sites. "That sucks." Ilija said plainly, as he knew they both understood that it was just like that sometimes. If one couldn't do the official job it could end up on paperwork, although he personally would rather have just about any job over paperwork duty. He just hoped he'd never be forced to retire from the job. He wasn't sure what he'd do with himself if it wasn't curse breaking. It was one of the few things he'd always been able to hold on to. He had tombs to go back to.

"I am not looking forward to sitting still at all." Ilija admitted with a grimace. It seemed like a horrible fate to him. Sitting still with nothing to do. Who on earth would opt for a life like that willingly after having been a curse breaker for a while. It didn't change things a lot, since the question that Rhys asked next was the one he dreaded most of all. He was quiet for a moment as he considered if he wanted to be honest about it all. Clearly Rhys would instantly know if he was selling stories rather than the truth but he also hoped that his friend would accept a story due to the background of the truth. It was hard to estimate considering how little they'd been in touch of late. He sighed heavily. "Honestly?" He asked and paused for a moment as he looked Rhys dead in the eyes. "I haven't been well but I think that isn't much of a secret." He shrugged then, not quite sure what else he would manage to tell. "It's not easy, losing your child and your partner in such short succession." He said in a barely audible voice. He didn't want to hear it, so he couldn't say it loud enough to admit that it happened to himself. "She kept me sane, and then she was gone, along with Floyd and my dominant leg. It's hard to get back from that. Losing any of those would have been hard enough, but all of them in such a short time?" He sighed audibly, louder than his voice had managed to rise. "It's a miracle I'm here....." He motioned vaguely, gesturing to himself. "As functional as I am." It was naturally implied that he wasn't that functional at all, if his underfed shape and the bags under his eyes didn't give it away on their own. "Not that you came here for that today." He said with a wry smile as he sat up a little straighter. "Just don't tell Vas. She might kill me for not sharing with the family first."

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

Rhys understood the compulsion to keep something so traumatic to one’s self, he really did. So, he hesitated in encouraging him to share, he felt like a hypocrite doing so. There was so much he’d never shared with his younger siblings, and even with Dahlia he didn’t tell her certain things. If it wasn’t relevant there wasn’t really a point, though on rare occasion he might open up. It depended how guarded he felt at the time. The look in his hold friend’s eyes answered his question before he could verbally do it. Rhys understood, even if it wasn’t the same, he knew what the void felt like. But he kept his face serious, he didn’t expect Ilija would want his pity much as he hated receiving it as well. Rhys remembered Hannah from their school days and how inseparable she had been with Ilija but also as part of their group over the years. The handful of them, usually kept in line by Renfri or at least Rhys by a disapproving look from Nell. And now she was gone, he couldn’t imagine what that must be like and he hoped he would never have to.

”I won’t.” Rhys promised, and even to his sister who Rhys had befriended over the summer. She was one of the few people he felt relatively at ease talking to, but maybe it was the bartender’s gift. Either way, he didn’t think too much of it. ”I know its not the same…” Rhys began, his voice low. ”But I know what its like to lose someone…someone who is everything right before your eyes.” He looked away a moment and swallowed hard before looking back up at Ilija. ”If you had told me you were alright, I would have known you were lying.” Six days, six years, six decades? Who knew if wounds such as this ever healed? Rhys knew that him being told this information wasn’t coincidence, he understood the life and the risks and the dangers and also to keep secrets such as this. There was no pity from his fellow curse breakers, only understanding.

[Deleted]

It was clear that Rhys at least knew the broad story of what happened to him. He also knew that Rhys wasn't just talking when he mentioned losing somebody very important right before your eyes. It was in his body language but it carried through his voice and expression as well. Ilija merely nodded. They both knew that pity did not change the pain, although compassion could make it feel less heavy. It didn't make it hurt less or soothe it in Ilija's experience, but it could help not to feel so alone. So many people that claimed to understand but it never felt as if any of them really did. They could imagine and realise that it would hurt like hell, but it was different from going through that. "I'm sorry you know the pain." Ilija replied, but his tone was calm and more filled with compassion than pity. "But I knew you'd catch me in that lie." He chuckled an empty little chuckle and then leaned forward. "Although I choose to believe you would have respected my choice not to share." He added then, wanting Rhys to understand he'd told because he recognised that it was a matter of respect towards his wishes rather than pushing for the truth that had made him able to share.

He sighed deeply and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Maybe one day we can sit down and open up to each other. It might be good to finally share it with somebody that doesn't offer empty words or vanity promises. At least we both understand the pain without pretending." He said and almost laughed in utter dismay at the fact he wasn't alone in this. He had no idea who or what Rhys had lost, but his words spoke volumes about the truth they shared. Things would never be as they should have been. Ilija suspected that Rhys had been carrying it around for a lot longer than he had been, but perhaps it would do them both good to be able to share everything in the silence of understanding rather than the cacophony of false empathy. It seemed like a more comfortable place to try at least. "Maybe I can come over for a drink at some point." He jested playfully, as he had heard that his friend had a liking for the strong liquor. Ilija didn't drink for the exact same reasons that he guessed that Rhys did. There was just too much.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

Rhys shrugged, it had been twenty years after all and it couldn’t be helped anymore. It was part of his foundation and who he was. There was no version of Rhys in his mind that existed where his mother had been alive—he’d accepted it wasn’t meant to be and just was never going to be. But for Ilija it was different, when pieces of your heart are ripped from you after having lived your whole life up to that point with them it was a painful recovery. Rhys on the other hand had just grown up with it, this was who he was—he imagined his friend was just trying to find out who he was again. ”I think everyone is entitled to some privacy.” He thought about the conversation he’d had with Sienna in the Spring after discussing his nightmares. ”But bottling it up doesn’t do you any good either.” The trouble was finding someone to relate to, he had Dahlia and now Ilija though he wouldn’t have wished this on anyone.

Ilija had a point and a good suggestion. ’Pain without pretending’ and the pain of pretending. He paused and looked at the table for a moment, before looking back up. ”My younger siblings don’t know. Just Dahlia.” But it had been circumstantial, the others had been so young when they met and couldn’t relate in his mind. ”But it actually felt good to tell one of them.” you didn’t know the relief of letting go some of the weight you carried when you were so used to it for so long. He mentioned a drink and Rhys smiled, everyone’s favorite suggestion to him but he’d never turn it down. ”I definitely have plenty of whiskey around.”

[Deleted]

Rhys made a very good. He was entitled to some privacy and while there were not many aspects he kept hidden for that reason he figured that would happen one of these days. If he lived this close he knew that their lives would be far more intermingled than they'd been before. It was more likely to get messy and he didn't want to interfere in the lives of his siblings too much either. Their business was their own, much like his life was his own, no matter how much they judged him for his choices. He nodded mutely, since he agreed and didn't have much to add to it. Though when Rhys mentioned bottling it up, Ilija couldn't help but let out a sarcastic little laugh. "That was the benefit of being so far away. Hiding didn't mean bottling it up because they couldn't see. I can't burden them with it with how sick dad is. Add the fact my sister is threatening to work herself half to death and adding my troubles to the pile would simply be far too much. Unless I find a way to deal by some miracle I have no intentions of adding to the already existing problems they face." He himself had been facing them long enough to cope, although poorly. At least he wasn't as bad as he had been by long.

Ilija nodded as Rhys mentioned the relief of finally telling. In that aspect it was nice that Rhys knew far more than Ilija had told. The cursebreaker world was different in how people handled these things. They all knew they'd chosen a very dangerous profession and few reached the end of their careers without serious injury to show for it. They understood that sometimes their job claimed life and limb before they end and so the news spread so that people wouldn't always have to tell their co-workers to get the sympathy they needed. It had certainly helped Ilija a lot that many of the people he worked with didn't need to be told what happened. Those that thought to understand could often expect a small explosion if they were careless despite the warnings in the story of his past. This had made him one of the favourites to train the new people on the job. He wasn't opposed to it either as giving people a reason to avoid ending up like Hannah was something that brought him a lot of peace. He might have been able to save her, but maybe what happened to him would save others. It had happened, if he could believe some of the younger curse breakers that had thanked him at a later point for his rants and protective nature. "I'll be sure to let you know if I ever do end up telling them. It'll probably good to tell somebody how that went." He said with a small smile on his face. "I'll make an exception on my not drinking for a glass of whiskey in the company of an old friend."

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

---

September 30, 2025
@ilija

---

Rhys nodded, he understood despite his instinct to tell him to confide in his family. What a hypocrite that made him. Maybe one day he would, but sometimes he wondered the point. It was a part of his past before they all knew one another, it wasn’t something recent so was their situations even the same? He unknowingly perked up when he mentioned his sister, obviously that was Vas and something about working herself to death. That was news to him, though as an owner of the pub he supposed that was a lot of work. Though he was familiar with that type of lifestyle as well, working so hard you didn’t have time to feel whatever you were avoiding by blocking it out with the physical and mental exhaustion. ”Someone, a friend, once told me that they probably want to help you so you aren’t battling whatever it is alone.” It was much how Rhys had felt a bit helpless when he found out about Jamie’s adverse reaction to the Potion. Though now that he understood what it was and how it wasn’t as dangerous as the thoughts that first popped into his head at the time.

Still, he couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to lose what Ilija had lost. Every pain was different and even if Rhys were in his shoes there was no telling how it would still be different. Losing someone you loved and a child…. It wasn’t something he could fathom or even wrap his brain around. It left an uneasy feeling in his chest. Perhaps it was a reason to avoid such connections, imagine loving someone that you not only handed them your heart willingly but also your soul and then they were just gone. What were you left with? ”I can drink for the both of us, don’t worry.” Rhys offered with a quick smile. ”I am glad you’re back.”

[Deleted]

Ilija nodded when Rhys mentioned that they probably just didn't want him to be forced to fight his battle alone. That was the interesting thing, wasn't it? Because he was alone, especially in these battles. The nightmares couldn't disappear due to anything they did. Still, that was probably the entire point of it, he was going through it alone because he didn't even let them try. He was convinced that they couldn't understand and he didn't want them to. He didn't want them to carry the weight because it was breaking him. It was too much to ask somebody to share the load. He felt that his co-workers were amongst the few that could understand the truth of the matter. Their job was dangerous and very day could be the last but despite all that it was best not to stay caught up in that reality of the past that it created for them. "I don't think I'm carrying the weight alone any longer." He said in full honesty. He felt that at least now that he lived here again and saw his fellow curse breakers more often the unspoken agreement between him and many of them meant that he had help to carry the burden without actually having to tell what it was. It helped make it a lot easier on him.

Ilija smiled slightly as Rhys mentioned that he could drink for the both of them and said he was glad he was back. For just a moment, Ilija was completely at peace, although that never lasted. He too was glad to be back and to know that he didn't have to carry the weight of his own world on his own. He knew that never would have been the case if he'd been able to share it with his family but he hadn't been. Even now he couldn't manage to get the words out of his mouth. "So am I..." He muttered simply and then sat back in his seat. Maybe if the time was right he'd actually have a drink with Rhys rather than watch his friend drink and get wasted on his own. He rarely drank but maybe it would be better if he had company? It was worth a shot.#

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

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September 30, 2025
@ilija

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Well now Rhys was up to speed on the happenings in his friend’s life and it did fill in the gaps where he was missing information. They had all trained at the same time and on occasion even together. Sometimes the senior Curse Breakers were assigned more than one trainee or for the larger jobs groups were formed. But they not long after they had finished training and started really working had he heard about the accident or incident, though not the details and Ilija seemed to fall off the face of the Earth. It had only been difficult because the attachments from his school days were so important, but he learned to push through. ”We all just want to help.” Whether it was his friends or work family or his actual family. But Rhys usually observed how trusting people were of their closest friends that they might not have been with their blood.

”Well, we can have that drink one of these days.” Despite being home and not working abroad his life was still so busy sometimes. Having some time of plan was preferable, but he would see what the next few months would bring him. Rhys shook his head, his day had taken quite a different turn than he expected but a good one regardless. ”Well, I have to run. But now that I know you’re here I’ll stop by more often when I’m at the bank.” He smiled, it would make his walk better at least than just going in for paperwork and coming back home or for a drink if it was later.