Say What You Wanna Say (Susan)

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It was the first Saturday since Edmund's fight with Addi and he was miserable. He was so used to spending all his spare time with her that he didn't know what to do with himself. Normally, they would do their homework and then find something fun to do on Saturdays, but he couldn't do that today. She hadn't looked at him since their fight, much less talked with him and he didn't blame her. He'd never gotten so angry with her before, never treated her the way he did the other day. He was sure she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. 

Edmund walked outside to the courtyard, looking around himself carefully. He'd sent a message to Susan earlier today, asking her to meet him here so they could go on a walk. The truth was, he needed a distraction. Needed something that would make him forget how much he missed Addi, how miserable he was without her. He hoped Susan would be able to do that, even though he wasn't positive what he was going to tell her about what happened. He certainly had no intention of telling her about his feelings for Addi, to say the least. 

He sat on a bench, placing his elbows on his hands and looking at the ground as he waited for Susan. He couldn't think straight. His thoughts were full of Addi and efforts to stop thinking about her. It was useless. Alone, he had no distraction.

@susanvictoria

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Susan had been quite pleased when Edmund had sent a message asking to take a walk with him that afternoon.  She knew they had grown a bit closer over the summer holiday, but had been unsure as to how their relationship would change once they returned to school.  It was a pleasantly warm day, so Susan left her robes in Ravenclaw tower and dressed in a simple grey and navy dress that was lightweight.  Making her way down from the tower, she encountered several friends and a few changing staircases before she was able to make it to the Entrance Hall.  Glancing at her watch, she saw that she was about five minutes late and cursed to herself.  She hurried out of the castle and off to the courtyard where Ed was waiting.

"Ed!  I'm so sorry I'm late I met-" she started apologetically, then stopped when she got a better look at her little brother.  He seemed agitated, restless, maybe even upset.  For someone who was so good at hiding his emotions, he was doing rather terribly right now.  "Let's walk," she suggested, not wanting to ask him what was up with so many ears around.  They began to walk down the sloping grounds; as soon as they were more secluded, Susan stopped and turned to her brother.  "What's wrong?" she asked, sounding concerned.

@edmund

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Edmund was zoning out. After what seemed like a few minutes of waiting for Susan he'd closed his eyes, ignoring everything around him. She'd get his attention when she arrived. In the meantime, he was giving up all efforts to stop thinking of Addi and just let his mind wander where it wanted. It was too hard for him to try and stay in control of it. Edmund was so tired. He hadn't slept more than two hours a night since the fight, so his self control was at a minimum. He had no idea how he looked to the outside world and he didn't care, for once in his life. 

He heard Susan arrive, but it took a moment to pull himself out of his self-induced stupor. He looked up at her, not missing the fact that she stopped mid-sentence once she got sight of him. He must look worse than he thought. Still, he found it hard to care. He nodded and stood up when she suggested they go for a walk. He wasn't going to tell her anything in front of anyone else. Granted, he wasn't sure how much he wanted to tell her anyway, but he'd have to see. 

After they'd been walking for a few minutes in silence- Edmund had started thinking about Addi again- Susan interrupted his thoughts, asking him what was wrong. Ed looked up at her, surprised at the amount of concern he saw on her face. Maybe he shouldn't have asked her to meet with him ... oh well. It was too late to change anything now. "I can't sleep," he said, but instead of coming out normal, it came out in a croak. 

Alright, this wasn't going to work. Edmund shook his head and cleared his throat. He might feel like the whole world was falling to pieces, but he had to pull himself together a little bit. Maybe it would help him to talk to Susan about what happened. "I got into a big fight with my best friend," he told her, knowing that she probably had no idea who that was. He'd never told Susan (or anyone in his family, for that matter) about any of his friends. Not even about Addi.

@susanvictoria

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Edmund had a best friend? Susan thought to herself, then immediately felt bad. Of course Ed had friends, just because she didn't know of any of his friends didn't mean they existed.  She could see that this was really affecting Ed though; the dark purple circles under his eyes and his pallid complexion screamed lack of sleep.  "I'm sorry Ed," Susan said softly, giving her brothers' shoulder a squeeze.  "Is this something you want to talk about?" she asked as they continued to walk around the lake.  A few people ran past as she saw the giant squid lift one of its' tentacles out of the air.  She smiled and have a soft laugh as it flopped back down on the lake, emitting a splash.

She glanced back over at Edmund; she was happy he had friends at least, and could imagine what he was going through.  She had never really had a fight with Andy, but she had gotten angry with Bay when her friend nearly refused to keep living after Desi's attack on her.  They had made up since, but Susan still felt guity for the things she said to her.  Ed wasn't allowed to know that part of things though; Bay was still declared dead to the Wizarding World, and would remain so until it was safe to return, which would not be until Desi was dead.

@edmund

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"I don't know how to fix it, Sus." he confessed when she said she was sorry, his voice barely a whisper. He felt so guilty for the fight with Addi, but at the same time he was still angry with her. How could she still feel things for Kyle? Hadn't he made it clear that he cared for her. He'd never treated her the way he had since coming back to school. Not that he was treating her differently on purpose, but at the same time he was. Well, not anymore. Now they weren't talking with one another at all. 

Then, to her question, he answered, "No, uh ... yes? Well I don't know, maybe?" His answer was a question. Actually, he didn't have an answer. His mind was a jumble of confusion Would talking to his sister help? But he wasn't going to tell her about his feelings, that much was sure. The question was, could she help him. "Sus, I just don't know anymore," he finally mumbled, tired and exhausted beyond belief. What was he supposed to say to her? Would she even understand what he was going through, or at least a portion of it?

@susanvictoria

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Susan’s heart ached for her little brother; he was someone who very rarely showed emotions, and here he was, clearly miserable without his best friend. “Ed, is this best friend of yours strictly a platonic friend? Or...perhaps is there something more?” she asked tentatively. Getting into the subject of romance and affection with Ed was quite a bit to wrap her head around. Not that she didn’t think her little brother wasn’t capable of love, just more that he refused to talk about his friends, let alone any girlfriends. She wondered if having spent time with Will over the summer had changed him a bit. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to, but love can complicate things sometimes,” she added quickly, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

They continued to walk in silence, then Susan spoke up. “Well if you don’t want to name names, do you want to try and give me a brief overview of what’s going on? Maybe I can be of some help from a female perspective,” she suggested. It was definitely important for her sibling to know that she was there for him if he needed her; she wasn’t sure how Lucy would handle a relationship talk, and Will would get uncomfortable. Susan really was the best and most logical option.

@edmund

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Edmund didn't really like her question, so he decided to answer the easy way. He raised an eyebrow and gave her a half smile, "Who said I was talking about a girl?" Of course, he was, but how did Susan know that. Then he got serious, which wasn't hard since he was in such a bad mood. "I dunno, Sus, she's my best friend. She's been my best friend since first year," he confessed, admitting that it was a girl. There were certain things he'd have to tell her and that was one of them. 

He walked for a minute, trying to get his thoughts together enough to tell Susan what was going on without getting into his feelings too much. He already knew what he felt for Addi, but he didn't want to tell Susan he was in love. She'd think it was just a crush, that it was his first time caring for someone and he didn't know what he was feelings. Which was, in part true. He'd never been in a relationship before, but that didn't make his feelings for Addi any less real. "She liked this guy," he finally started, "But then he hurt her. Badly. Insulted her and her friends and he made her cry. I had to help her get over him," his voice caught, but there was no way Susan would know it was because of how close they'd grown when Edmund helped Addi. When those feeling awoke from deep within him. "She was really torn up about it and now ... now she decided that she doesn't care, that she still likes him. I'm scared that he'll hurt her worse this time, that she'll break even more and I'll have to try and help her pick up the pieces again, but that I won't be able to. We got in a fight about it and I got angry at her. Not as bad as I do with Will, but close." There. Susan should understand what that meant, that he lost his temper in a bad way. Lost control of himself. "I don't know how to make it right," he finally finished. That was about it, right? It wasn't like Addi really knew how Edmund felt for her, though he definitely tried to show it, so he really was telling Susan the majority of everything.

Then a thought popped into his mind, "Promise you won't tell anyone about this?" he asked, feeling like a young child again, but needing reassurance all the same. The last thing he needed was for Addi to know that he'd gone to his sister, asking what he should do.

@susanvictoria

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Susan raised a brow when Ed asked her how she knew he was talking about a girl. “Female instinct,” she responded with a smirk. She listened carefully as Edmund explained the situation with the girl; the girl had feelings for a boy that was rude to her, yet she didn’t want to stop liking him and claimed to not care. “Let me tell you two things, Ed. First thing, your friend does care; she’s just turning a blind eye because of her infatuation. Feelings give people….let’s call it tunnel vision, and they can be quite stubborn on admitting they’re wrong.” She hesitated for a minute, then continued. “Second, and more important: women love men who are jerks to them, especially when they are teenagers. They think it is some twisted way of the guy showing their affection and that they like them back, when it’s usually just they guys a jerk. I’ve definitely fallen victim to this before, but don’t worry; we always find our way back to the good guys,” she said with a half smile. She had realized very quickly that her suspicions were right and Ed liked this girl as more than just a friend, but knew he wasn’t going to admit that to her.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Susan promised him. To tell the truth, she wasn’t sure who she would have told to begin with. Lysander possibly, but he was good at keeping secrets. Since Ed asked her to not tell anyone though, Susan would keep this all to herself. “Just keep your head up and stay positive. Realize girls can be just as daft as boys about crushes and just try to be her best friend. Anything else will come along if it’s meant to be,” she advised.

@edmund

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Edmund wasn't sure he liked what Susan was telling her. It made almost less than no sense. Girls wanted guys to be jerks to them? And why would they look past bad things that guys did or said just because they liked them? He frowned as he tried to wrap his head around it. He wasn't mad at Susan, but he definitely was not happy about what she was telling him. "That doesn't make any sense," he grumbled, but he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. If he showed Susan how upset he really was, there was no way she wouldn't realize that he had feelings for Addi, even though she didn't know her name. But why wouldn't Addi just believe him, trust him? They'd been friends since first year.

"Thanks Sus," Edmund sighed, relieved when she promised. He didn't really think she would've told anyone before, but now he knew for sure and wouldn't have to worry about it. That was a nice feeling. "I am her best friend. Except, I don't think she wants to be mine anymore. How can I make it so she's not mad at me anymore?" He looked to his sister, barely hiding his desperation. He couldn't stand this separation from Addi.

@susanvictoria

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Susan laughed. “It’s not supposed to make sense, Ed. It’s a teenaged girl, we don’t make sense most of the time,” she told him, still smiling. “To be fair, teenaged boys don’t make all that much sense either,” she pointed out, thinking of her time working with Raleigh Flint. They had gotten off on….well you could definitely call it the wrong foot, but she rather thought of it as an explosive start, but they had managed to work together the whole summer, and left on a...maybe positive note? They weren’t friends, she didn’t think, but he was definitely more complicated and less...evil than she originally suspected. She could tell that this wasn’t the case with Edmund though; he really liked this girl.

“Ed, another lesson on girls. They need time to cool down after fights,” she said reasonably, though her heart broke a little for how sad Edmund sounded. “I would try to give her some space for a few days, and then when you approach her, apologize, even if you think you’re in the right. If she knows it, she’ll probably apologize too and you’ll be able to work on mending the relationship you two have,” she instructed, wondering when she ever thought there would be a day she’d be giving Ed relationship advice. “But hey, just so you know, she’s lucky to have you as a friend, so she probably won’t want to lose you,” she said with a smile, bumping his shoulder with hers.

@edmund

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What Susan said made sense, but that didn't mean Edmund had to like it. And he didn't. Why couldn't girls just make sense? And what was she saying "teenage boys don't make all that much sense either"? He made sense. He was sure of it. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think of a way to express his thoughts. "I make sense," he argued, though he doubted she'd agree. However, he wasn't talking about family relationships. He was talking about relationships with a girl, dating. "If I liked a girl, I would show her. Then, if I thought she liked me back I would ask her out and tell her how I felt." That was about what happened with Addi, right? He was pretty sure that it was. Something like that. 

A few days? It had already been a few days since their fight. Was Susan saying he should wait longer? Really? Staying away from Addi was killing him. He really couldn't handle it. "I am in the right, but I didn't handle it right so I definitely owe her an apology," he said, though he wasn't really sure why he was telling Susan that. It was more like, he thought out loud. He hoped an apology would be able to fix what was wrong, though it wouldn't fix how much he was hurting. She said that he didn't care about her, not like Kyle. Which was ridiculous. Edmund was there for Addi every day for the last five years. Kyle obviously was not, though he may have been there for her occasionally. Just thinking about their argument made him angry. 

He forced a smile when Susan nudged his shoulder, telling him he was a good friend. "Thanks Sus. I really needed this," Edmund paused, not sure about what else he should say. After a few seconds he continued, "Do you want to talk about anything?" Maybe he could help return the favor somehow, if Susan trusted him enough to let him in. Not that he thought he'd be able to give good advice like she did.

@susanvictoria

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Susan reached out and linked arms with her brother.  "It's hard sometimes, knowing that you're right but also realizing you sounded like a giant prat when you argued your point," she said, laughing as they walked back up towards the castle.  "You got this little brother, and like I said she probably knows you're right but is angry enough to not want to admit it just yet," she told him.   They walked through the doors of the castle, where Susan let go of his arm.  "Just remember to control your temper, and take deep breaths when explaining yourself," she coached him.

Susan smiled as he asked her if there was anything she needed to talk about.  Surprisingly, her life was relatively drama free at the moment.  She had had a nice lunch with Casey Finnegan back during the summer when she broke her wrist, but with the demands of being a Prefect and a seventh year, she hadn't had the time to write yet like she said she would.  The only thing was Braelynn, but nobody could know about that.  Not until it was safe.  "I've not got a lot going on right now, surprisingly enough.  But I'm glad to know that I can actually come to you to talk now," she said with a laugh.

@edmund

ooc: end next one?  Sorry! I missed this in my catchup day XD

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Edmund smiled, not even annoyed when Susan linked arms with him. Normally he would have pulled away from that kind of contact, but it felt ... right. "Thanks Susan. Thanks for all your help," he said, not sure what else he could say. It was oddly ... comforting that he knew he could go to her with his problems. He never really had that kind of a relationship with any of his siblings, but he was enjoying it. 

He laughed a little, "Yeah, that wouldn't have worked last year, huh?" he teased with a smile. Then they reached the castle and he turned away from her, debating whether or not he should look for Addi now. "See you soon!" He called, giving her a wave before walking away entirely.

---the end---

@susanvictoria