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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 16:27:38 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 16:27:38 GMT -7
Hell. That was what Edmund went through over the last week. It was exactly one week ago today that his best friend and girl friend decided to cut him off completely. At first he thought she just needed time, that she was upset over what happened with her siblings and that she'd talk to him soon but he gave up that hope after day three. Addilyn was avoiding him. It was painfully obvious. Whenever he entered the Great Hall to eat, she left at the sight of him. Whenever he walked into a classroom, she was surrounded by others and studiously avoiding eye contact with him. Whenever he saw her in the common room, she rushed up the stairs to her dormitory.
Edmund couldn't remember a time when he felt so badly. This was worse than their arguments, than his all-out fights with his family and worse than Theodosia bullying him. After day three (apparently his magic number) he gave up trying to sleep too. Occasionally he would get an hour here or there, but he spent the majority of his time doing homework in the library (why make it obvious that she was avoiding him by going to the common room) or staring into the fire in the Slytherin common room. No one talked to him. It wasn't a surprise. He wasn't in the mood to humor anyone except Addi and she ... she wanted nothing to do with him.
But why? What did he do wrong? His mind ran through that day a week ago repeatedly. What did he say wrong? What did he do wrong? Why wouldn't she even look at him anymore? His heart seemed to be frozen and he felt numb. Sure, he did his work and learned the material but the joy he'd always felt at Hogwarts was missing.
Eventually he got tired of the castle. So he took walks. It wasn't like he'd find her anywhere, or that he'd be able to talk to her if he did. Edmund walked into the courtyard after getting out of a class. He needed a break and maybe some fresh air would help. That's when he saw her. It was Addi, it couldn't be anyone else. Her back was to him, but that didn't matter. He would recognize her anywhere. For the first time all week he had the advantage. That being, she didn't know he was there.
Edmund took a deep breath before walking up to her, stopping when he was behind her. "Fancy seeing you here Addilyn," he said in a conversational tone. He honestly couldn't think of anything else to say. Now he got to see if she'd up and run away or if she'd talk to him.
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 16:59:41 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 16:59:41 GMT -7
@edmund <3 Addilyn Slater's life was a circus. Absolutely nothing was going right for her, and it was all just in shambles. Granted, school was fine. It was more so her personal life that had gone down the drain.
Her brother wasn't speaking to her. Her sister wasn't speaking to her. They had both completely gone off the face of the Earth with absolutely no warning to Addilyn of any kind. And this caused Addi to push Edmund away. She hadn't spoken to him in a week. And even though she felt horrible, she just didn't want pity. She didn't want him to try to help her because Addilyn knew there wasn't going to be anything he could possibly do.
Addi had made her way to the Courtyard. Recently, she hadn't eaten very much. Her face was pale, her eyes were very easily exhausted, and she had lost weight. She looked kind of...gaunt, is the best word. Addi hadn't felt hungry. She just drank coffee, water, and maybe had a piece of toast for breakfast and a few bites for dinner. Her weight was dropping like crazy, and she was not looking great.
She had also picked up a new habit...smoking. It calmed her nerves and she didn't worry about her siblings and Edmund so much. Sitting down on the grass in the Courtyard, she had on a pair of black leggings, black combat boots, and a maroon colored short sleeved shirt. Her wavy blond hair hung down her back and she lit up a cigarette. Putting it in her mouth and taking a few puffs, she heard his voice. Directly behind her. Edmund.
Taking a deep breath, Addi took one more long puff of the cigarette and turned around, blowing the smoke out. "Hi, Edmund."
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 17:09:09 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 17:09:09 GMT -7
Edmund froze when Addi turned around and looked at him for the first time in a week. She looked terrible. Not only that, but she was smoking. When did she start smoking? Personally, he was against smoking. It was one thing his father was always adamant about, that smoking was bad for you. From the time Edmund was a young boy he promised his father he would never touch the stuff. Not that Addi knew about that. He'd never thought to tell her, never thought there would be a need. What happened to her?
He kept his facial expression calm and open, though he was repressing his feelings. He wouldn't let her see his disgust at her new habit. All that would do was push her farther away, which was not what he wanted at all. Then her words echoed in his mind. Hi Edmund. After the whole last week, after everything that happened, after her pushing him away in every way she could, all she said was hi? His heart sunk. Maybe the whole thing, their whole relationship, was just in his mind. Obviously she didn't feel the same way for him. Even so, he was her friend first, so instead of pushing her into a relationship, he would be her friend.
"What are you doing Adds?" he asked, unable to stop himself from using her nickname. Even if she wasn't behaving like the Addi he knew right now. "What's going on?" His voice wasn't whining or soft, it was confident and sure. He didn't want her to see him as weak right now.
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 17:15:18 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 17:15:18 GMT -7
@edmund <3 Addilyn rose an eyebrow at him. What did it look like she was doing? "I'm...smoking. What are you doing?" Okay. Maybe that was a little harsh. She shouldn't have said it like that but it wasn't a very intelligent question. It was quite obvious what she was doing. Addi looked away for a moment so Edmund didn't see her glimpse of emotion, and she took another long drag.
Shutting her eyes as she exhaled, she felt tired. Not just physically, but mentally as well. "What's going on, is that I'm a nothing, Edmund. That's all. What's going on with you?" Oh...her heart was breaking even more as he stood next to her. This is exactly why she had been avoiding him. He was concerned. He was sweet. Addi wanted with every bit of her heart to hug him. To run her fingers through his hair, to trace his freckles, to gently kiss those lips, to feel those rough hands...she continued smoking.
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 17:28:38 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 17:28:38 GMT -7
This was a new side to Addi. One that Edmund never saw before and he wasn't sure how to respond to it. He didn't miss the anger, the harshness in her tone and his eyes narrowed slightly, though that was the only outward indication of his feelings. He doubted she'd notice. She was too focused on herself, a new thing for her. "You know very well that's not what I was talking about, but if you want to make me spell it out for you, then fine. What have you been doing this week? Why are you avoiding me?" He was done being soft and gentle. Obviously that wasn't what she wanted anymore, but he tried to not sound too harsh either. He ignored her question. She only asked it to hurt him anyway. If she really cared ... no, he wasn't going to think that way. It would only make things worse.
"What do you mean, you're a nothing?" he asked, his voice quieter but with no less conviction than before. Really? Was she really having a pity party? What happened to the Addilyn that he knew? The one that found the good in situations, that taught people to smile even though their life was crap? "Not much has been going on with me, Adds. Just trying to find a way to get my best friend to talk to me again," he muttered quietly, but not bitterly. He couldn't afford to offend her now. He wouldn't. Here was the soft, resigned tone that he thought would help him a week ago when this all started. He wasn't expecting it to help him now though. She seemed like she was too far gone, like she wanted nothing to do with him.
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 17:44:21 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 17:44:21 GMT -7
@edmund <3 Addilyn scoffed. She couldn't let him hurt her. She couldn't let his words and attitude draw a line through her heart. She had enough of that happen to her already. "I've just been doing school work. Trying to sleep. Trying to eat. Just busy is all." Goodness. What did he expect? Her to be all happy cheery without her two siblings? Granted, some people, Edmund in particular, didn't care if his siblings didn't talk to him. But Addilyn...Grey and Claire were the most important people to her.
"I'm a nothing. That is exactly what I mean. Clearly, no one cares about me or loves me. Especially Grey and Claire. Even my parents. They haven't even written to me yet this year." Her eyebrow rose at her best friend when he spoke again. "Well you could've owl'd me or something. I can't imagine anything would be that important that you'd have to get angry at me for not speaking with you." Addilyn knew she wasn't being fair. Edmund hadn't done anything wrong to her. But she had to push him away...
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 17:56:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 17:56:40 GMT -7
Her words cut like a knife, but Edmund didn't let it show. He was a master of controlling his emotions, of making it so no one could see them. Normally he didn't hide them from Addi, but this was one of the few times when he closed himself off from her. She wasn't in her right mind, wasn't thinking clearly. He knew it, knew that what her brother and sister were doing was hurting her, but that didn't stop the pain in his own heart. He shook his head slowly, trying to clear it. He didn't miss the word trying. So she was having problems with all this too. Eating, sleeping. He wished she would let him help her, but she wasn't ready for that. "Glad to hear everything's normal then," he answered after a minute. What else was he supposed to say?
Then he started seething and turned away, pretending like he had an unexpected itch on his arm. Anger flashed through him and he knew she'd be able to see it in his eyes, which is why he turned away. How many times did they have to go through this, through the fact that he cared about her? Why were his thoughts and feelings always thrown to the side whenever she got upset about something? Why was she always telling him that he didn't care about her. "You know that's not true. Your family is apparently going through a hard time, but they love you and if they didn't, you should know that I always have cared for you. You're my best friend Adds," He knew she probably wouldn't like him saying that, but he had to rebuff that accusation.
Then he looked up at the sky, giving a sarcastic chuckle to hide his frustration. Really? She had to throw salt on the wound, didn't she? Well, he'd never known this before, but she knew how to hit him low. Sure, act like it was normal to ignore him. Why should that bother him at all? "You're right. Why should I expect anything other than an owl from the person whose sat by me in classes for the last five years, or the person who sits by me during mealtimes. Why should I be worried when that person decides to fall off the face of the earth? You're right, I guess I should just back off." He paused for a moment. Was this just going to make her angrier. "But what if I can't do that, Adds? What then?"
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 18:16:47 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 18:16:47 GMT -7
@edmund <3 Addilyn looked at Edmund and scrunched her nose up. "Normal? Sure. If you consider that normal, Edmund." Hardly any of that was normal. Addi couldn't remember the last time she had a decent night sleep or a nice meal.
"Rough time? What rough time? Nothing has happened! Grey's just an asshole and Claire is an idiot blinded by our parents. They're both childish and don't care about my feelings." Addilyn turned away from him as she continued to smoke. She didn't say anything about him caring about her. She knew he cared. But she didn't want to believe it. When people cared about her, they hurt her. But she couldn't tell him that either. Ed would get so angry...
Addilyn turned her body directly towards him, but he was looking up at the sky. She glared at him, angry at his words. "I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, Edmund. I've just been busy. Nor did I tell you to back off, I told you not to get angry with me but apparently that is going to happen anyways." She snapped at him. Her anger was currently battling with her love for him. She didn't want to take the chance of him hurting her n the future, but she also just wanted his arms wrapped around her.
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 19:12:20 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 19:12:20 GMT -7
Edmund stared at her for a second. On the one hand, she was so adorable when she scrunched her nose. On the other hand, she looked terrible and her words were anything but friendly. How was he supposed to react? He sighed and lifted his hands to cover his face, the tips of his fingers rubbing his forehead as he tried to think of a way to answer her. "Of course it's not normal, Addilyn," he resorted back to her full name. This wasn't his best friend, so maybe he should stop acting like it was. "Don't think I didn't notice how you said you're trying to eat and sleep, but I thought you didn't want me to say anything about that. It seemed like you were trying to act like you're fine."
Then she got angry about what he said about her family and he tried to explain himself. "Addilyn, if there's one thing that you've taught me it's that there is always another side to every story. I can't imagine why your family would be acting this way, but I'm assuming it's not easy for them. Still, they are not the only ones that care about you. You have friends that care about you. Lots of them." I care about you, he thought, but didn't dare say the words aloud. He'd already said it and she ignored him; why would she listen to him now.
He froze for a second at her next words, which caught him entirely off guard. For the first time this conversation, he unconsciously let his emotions show. His face fell when she said he couldn't control his temper even though she asked him to. His mouth fell open and he knew that if she looked she'd see the pain in his eyes. Then he realized he was showing her and he closed his eyes quickly, shutting his emotions off again. When he opened them and spoke again, his voice was quiet and calm. "I'm not angry at you. I'm worried for you Addilyn. You've never shut me out like this before and I-" he cleared his throat, "I care about you." Blast it all, he didn't mean to say that, even though it was true. "I want to help you, but I can't unless you let me," He couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see how angry she was at him, so he looked at the ground and shrugged. "What do you want me to do Addilyn?" Here it was, the moment of truth.
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 19:20:09 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 19:20:09 GMT -7
@edmund <3 "I can be fine and not fine at the same time you know. Everyone does it." Not that she was everyone cause she sure as hell wasn't.
She shrugged. Maybe that was true, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe everything her family was doing, was doing it for the exact reason they said. "Maybe some people do care, but no one has shown that to me yet. I haven't spoken to anyone the past week." That was enough to tell Addilyn Joy that not many people did care for her.
She glanced up at him, seeing the pain in his eyes. Maybe if she hurt him enough, she wouldn't take the chance of being heartbroken. But Addilyn wasn't sure she could do that to him. "I don't know what I want to you to do. I just want to be happy."
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 8, 2016 19:42:06 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 19:42:06 GMT -7
This was hopeless, but Edmund must be a glutton for punishment because he couldn't make himself leave her. "You're not everyone, and I knew all along that you weren't fine," he responded, though he assumed it would just cause another problem somehow. It seemed like he couldn't do anything right at the moment.
She wasn't going to like this at all, but he was going to tell it to her straight. He finally sat down on the bench next to her, trying to think of something to make the words seem less harsh. He reached forward and took hold of one of her hands gently, pulling it toward him and cupping his free hand over the top of it. He was half expecting her to pull away, but still hoping that she wouldn't. "Addilyn, how can anyone show you how much they care when you shut yourself off from the world. I've been trying to talk to you for seven days and this is the first time it actually happened. What if I'm not the only one?" He kept his voice soft and gentle, but firm. He didn't want her to think he was angry, even though she already thought that.
His eyes softened at her confession. He knew she was hurting. Probably worse than she'd ever hurt before in her life, but she needed to know that it's hard to get over something like this on your own. She'd taught him that years ago. Now it was his turn to repay the favor, if she'd let him. "Let me help you," he asked, staring into her eyes. "Just tell me what you want to make you happy and I'll do whatever I can to help." He offered his assistance, but he was sure she'd reject him. Her words and actions were all shouting the same thing at him: I don't need you and I don't want you. Still, he would try. He wasn't going to let her push him out of her life without a fight.
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 9, 2016 9:52:14 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 9:52:14 GMT -7
@edmund <3 Addilyn shrugged her shoulders. Whether he knew it or not wasn't what was really important to her...granted, she was sort of glad he could tell. But that didn't help her. She still couldn't eat. She still couldn't sleep. It was all way too difficult for her and she constantly felt nauseous. It wasn't like Addi was acting this way on purpose.
"I think you are the only one, Edmund..." That was all she said. Addi had seen Grey and Claire while walking through the halls. It wasn't like they didn't notice her. They just chose not to notice her. And that's what hurt even more. Yes, Addilyn knew Edmund had been chasing after her. But that didn't make her feel better. What would make her feel better would to have her siblings notice how much pain she was in.
Addilyn turned her face away from Edmund. She wasn't crying, she was just pained. She had cried every day this past week, her eyes were now dry. She felt as if she couldn't produce any more tears, she couldn't do anything. She was too hurt. "I can't let you help me, Edmund...I can't..." You'll hurt me like the rest, I love you and I can't let you hurt me. These thoughts had been drifting through her mind all week.
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 9, 2016 14:18:08 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 14:18:08 GMT -7
All of a sudden Edmund noticed a change in Addi. It was like all the fight went out of her and she was simply depressed. Not that her being depressed was much better. He hated it. Everything about seeing Addi like this was basically torture to him. The worst part was that there was nothing he could do to help. She didn't want him to. That much was clear from her actions over the past week.
Edmund stared into her eyes, still holding her hand. He was surprised she hadn't pulled away yet, but he wasn't about to bring attention to that fact. He squeezed her hand gently "And if I am? Does it help you, pushing me away?" Edmund was nervous to hear her answer, if she decided to answer him in the first place. It seemed like she was trying to ignore all of his real questions, only answering things she felt like answering.
She turned away from him but Edmund wasn't surprised. Heck, she'd been running away from him for the past week. He was actually pleasantly surprised that she hadn't tried to run away from him yet here. Then she started muttering that she couldn't let him help her and Edmund stared. She couldn't let him? Why not? That meant ... that meant she knew that he could help her, that he could make things somehow better, but she wouldn't let him. That knowledge hurt more than anything else she said so far, but this time Edmund showed no indication of it. She was hurting.
Ignoring how standoffish she was acting, ignoring the cigarette in her free hand and the fact that she wouldn't look at him, Edmund scooted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Why? Why won't you let me help you?" he whispered gently in her ear, not wanting to let her go unless she made him. Whether or not she accepted it, she needed him here, needed him to help her and he was tired of letting her pull away.
@jill2
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 9, 2016 14:45:57 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 14:45:57 GMT -7
@edmund <3 She felt him squeeze her hand and Addilyn looked down at the cigarette in her hand. She took a deep breath. Edmund spoke, and she felt her heart break. He knew. He knew she was pushing him away. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't continue doing this...she just couldn't. Ed was too sweet, he was too enticing. Addi shook her head slowly. "It...it doesn't help..."
Addi stared straight ahead. Edmund scooted closer to her, she could see out of the corner of her eye. And then, the one thing she has wanted in so long...his arms. He wrapped them around her in a hug and she felt her body just go numb and completely relax. Addi lifted her hand and put out the cigarette in her hand. His whisper in her ear made her shiver, and she closed her eyes. She didn't know if she could answer him with her eyes open, looking at him. A single tear fell down her cheek. "Because...because I love you, E. And...and I can't get hurt again...not by you..."
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last online Apr 28, 2024 14:13:20 GMT -7
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Aug 9, 2016 15:12:43 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 15:12:43 GMT -7
Edmund waited. It felt like he waited forever for him to answer his question. He watched as she looked at the cigarette, started holding his breath when she inhaled deeply. He waited until finally, finally she shook her head, admitting that it didn't help. He finally started breathing again, his body relaxing slightly with relief. Now he just had to get her to stop pushing him away. She'd admitted it wasn't helping, now she needed to admit that he could help. "Then let's give it a go and see if I can help. What's the point in pushing me away when you know it won't help," he spoke lightly, softly, hoping to convince her. He needed her to agree to this, he couldn't keep on watching her suffer from afar. He wouldn't.
She didn't pull away! Edmund was so relieved that she let him embrace her. Then she seemed to shudder or something and he could feel her relaxing in his arms. He tightened his arms around her, showing her without speaking that he wasn't going anywhere. He was here, and he was going to stay here as long as she needed him to. Still hugging her, he listened to her response. He felt himself freeze for a moment, so overjoyed when he heard her say she loved him that it took a few moments for him to register what else she said. He tightened his hug on her before pulling away. He placed his hands on her arms, just below the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I love you back, Adds. I would never hurt you like that. I couldn't, I promise. Don't push me away anymore. I can't stand it. Please," he was done hiding his emotions from her. Done trying to appear strong and confident. She needed to believe he meant it, that he wouldn't hurt her. He was begging, placing his heart in her hands. Waiting for her to tell him if she'd give a chance.
@jill2
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