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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 11:59:53 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 11:59:53 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 She spoke, telling him he was in her apartment. It was Magdalena. The girl he's falling for, the girl he's starting to love. The girl he slept with last night, the girl he's been kissing. Nikolai looked at her, eyes still wide. Face blank. He couldn't speak. His breathing was ragged, his eyes wide and swollen. Tears fell down his face silently as he continued to sob. Niko wanted her. He wanted her close to him. But he was scared. So scared.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 12:18:47 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 12:18:47 GMT -7
@jill9
Magdalena saw when the look in his eyes changed. From that wild terror and confusion to recognition. She wanted to move to him right then and there. She didn't like seeing him so... so panicked. She bit her lip, forcing herself to stay exactly where she was, To.... to wait until he was ready. He wasn't responding this time, and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. "How can I help..? What can I do?" She asked, pressing for an answer of some kind. For a reaction. For anything to let her know what she could do to help him. He was there, in some sort of pain, and she didn't know why. She didn't know what he was feeling, or why he was feeling it, and she didn't know how to help him. Heck, she didn't even know if she could help him. But doing nothing hurt.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 13:38:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 13:38:39 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 Niko stared at the bed. He was zoning out, not paying attention to anything around him. All he could see was his dream, and not only his dream, but flashbacks of what had happened when he was a child. They were coming in and out, continuously, not stopping. Nikolai wasn't even blinking. He was stunned, thinking of his past, breathing heavily. And then Magdalena spoke and when he looked up at her, he swallowed, more tears falling. Niko's bottom lip quivered and he shook her head slowly at him. "Nothing." His voice croaked, extremely quiet.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 13:48:37 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 13:48:37 GMT -7
@jill9
Nothing.
That was the only answer she got from him. It took him a moment to even come up with that. Magdalena bit her lip. She didn't like that answer. She didn't like that he was in so much pain and she was expected to just.... do nothing. To just let him be. Let him keep hurting like this. Let him face whatever demons were haunting him alone.
She remained silent, and unmoving for a handful of moments, trying to decide what to do next. When she finally did decide, she moved slowly off the bed. She made sure not to get to close to him as she moved to sit down against the same wall as him, making sure that there were still several feet between them. There, she brought her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them and rested her chest on them. If he didn't think she could do anything, then she could at least stay up with him until he calmed down. She could at least be there, so he wasn't alone.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 14:23:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 14:23:39 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 No words were released from her mouth. She became as silent as him, and for once, Nikolai was actually glad about that. Not because he didn't want to hear her, but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. All he knew was that he needed to fix himself. He needed to figure out why he was having these dreams and why he always gave into them so much. Nikolai knew he was safe now, he knew no one was going to hurt him. But there was always that silent fear, that scared part of him that thought something else might happen to him. And God, did he hate it.
Magdalena sat on the same wall as him. Not right next to him, a good few feet away. He squeezed his own knees, in the same position as her. Niko took a deep breath. He was afraid to shut his eyes again. Usually when he had dreams like this, he kept the lights on. But, he also usually didn't fall back asleep after and his day following that, made him even more of a jerk. But he didn't want to be a jerk to Magi. Niko continued crying. He didn't know if he should tell her or not, but her let his cheek rest on his knee, not looking at him. He was too embarrassed. "Something...something happened to me when I was little..." He spoke quietly, not even sure if she would hear him.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 15:25:33 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 15:25:33 GMT -7
@jill9
Magdalena wasn't sure how long they sat their in silence. Every so often she'd look at him, to see just how he was doing, before looking away. Each time he was in the same position, his gaze focused in the same direction, unblinking. As if he couldn't even close his eyes. She hated seeing him like this. Still, she wouldn't move. She didn't try to get closer in any way. She'd wait until he was ready. Before meeting him, she'd never felt like she was a patient person. At least to this degree. But now she found herself wanting to wait for him.
After what felt like forever, he spoke. He'd moved, looking away, and she almost missed what he'd said because he'd spoken so softly. He said something happened to him when he was little. A number of situations came to mind that might explain his behavior, but she immediately stopped them. She didn't want to jump to conclusions. Looking over at him, she tried to smile a little. "Do you.... want to talk about it..?" She asked, hesitating. He didn't have to, if he didn't want to. She just wanted him to stop feeling so scared..
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 15:36:12 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 15:36:12 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 He heard the hesitation in her voice without even having to look at her to make sure that he was correct. He did, he truly did want to tell her what happened. And he had already told Dan not too long ago...but Dan was different. He was his best friend. He had loved him for years. Magi...just met him not that long ago. What if she was disgusted with him? What if she hated him because he was tainted? It was a big fear of his, mostly one of the biggest reasons he's never had a girlfriend before. His thoughts weren't trying to be mean to Magdalena, but he assumed she wouldn't want to just wait on intimate things with him. She'd want to get right to it; however, the only time Niko had ever done anything like that, he was assaulted. And he was scared to tell her.
Niko took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. "I'm not sure. I'm...I don't want you to be disgusted with me, Magdalena."
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 15:51:02 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 15:51:02 GMT -7
@jill9
Magdalena held her breath as she waited for a response. Would he tell her? Would he stay silent? She didn't know anymore. Whatever it was that had happened to him, it was bad, she knew that. If he didn't tell her, she wouldn't blame him. She just.... she wanted to help him. She wanted to make his pain stop. By whatever means necessary. Only she didn't know what those means were right now...
He finally spoke up and her eyes widened just a bit. Disgusted with him? She turned to face him, unwrapping her arms from her knees and shifting so she was sitting on her legs instead, leaning forward on her hands. "Nikolai, look at me, please." She waited only a few moments, her gaze trained on him as she waited desperately for him to look at her. Regardless of if he looked or not, she started to speak after a few moments. "I'd never be disgusted with you." Never. She meant it. He'd been there when she hit rock bottom. For crying out loud, that had been his first impression of her! And yet here he was still. She wouldn't abandon him, no matter what it was that happened.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 16:04:53 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 16:04:53 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 He heard her shuffle around, which is the main reason as to why he turned to look at her, his eyes wide. He was nervous still. Not because he thought she'd hurt him, but because he was just jittery about everything right now. As she spoke, he felt his heart melt. She was so cute and Nikolai wished he could say that to her. His eyes were sad, and he just wanted to be happy. "I.." He took a deep breath, his eyes looking deep into her own. "When I was six years old I was kidnapped by some Death Eaters." Nikolai licked his lips. "And...my scar here on my cheek is from a woman who used a knife on me. All I really remember is being in a dark, cold room. A basement, maybe. I never saw faces. They were either covered or ... well, I had a blind fold on." He wasn't sobbing anymore. They were just quiet tears. "And...the worst part of it...why, why I don't like to be touched..." Nikolai shut his eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking at her. "I was molested...I'm not sure if it was multiple people...or just one person...or man or woman...I don't know..."
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 16:30:08 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 16:30:08 GMT -7
@jill9
Nikolai was finally looking at her. That on it's own was an accomplishment. She would have smiled, if the tension in the air weren't so thick. Instead, she just met his gaze, her eyes caring. She didn't care what it was that happened. All she cared about was that it hurt him, and she wanted to make that pain stop. As he started to speak though, she felt her heart stop beating, and stopped breathing. Not in the same way he normally stole her breath though. It was shock. He'd been.... kidnapped? That was only the beginning though. He stopped speaking for a moment, closing her eyes, and that pit in her stomach sank even more. When he opened his eyes again, her own went a little wider. It was that one word. Molested.
And all the pieces fell into place.
Why he didn't like to be touched. Why he'd been so angry with her about the night he'd saved her. Why he got angry every time she just didn't care for her own well being. It all made sense. She didn't realize that a few of her own tears had escaped as he spoke. "I'm sorry." Was all she managed to utter, no other words coming to mind. She was sorry he had to go through that. She was sorry he had to keep reliving it. She was sorry she was such an idiot and tore at those emotional wounds with her behavior.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 16:38:53 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 16:38:53 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 While he watched her as he spoke, he saw her own eyes fill up with tears. Nikolai didn't want to make her cry. He suddenly felt horrible. He hurt her. He made her sad, or put her in pain. Niko didn't want that. But he also wasn't ready to touch her again yet. He sat up, his own tears beginning to fall again. He scooted a little closer, and flinched as he did so. "Don't be sorry...don't cry Olli...please...I don't want you to cry..." Niko's breathing picked up, and he swallowed hard. "That was my dream. I was - I was in a dark room and I couldn't see, and I couldn't talk, and a black figure was touching me-" His voice cracked.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 16:55:53 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 16:55:53 GMT -7
@jill9
Magdalena would have laughed at his sudden concern if the mood weren't so serious. "I don't care, let me cry." Her words came out a little snippier then she'd wanted, and she finally moved to brush away her tears. "I'm sorry because you're hurting, and I don't want you to hurt." she managed to make her voice a little softer then, thankfully. She took a slow, deep breath after that, to try and compose herself though it didn't work too well. "I'm sorry because you don't deserve to be hurt like that, and I wish I could take it all away." She finally finished, never looking away from him as she spoke, her voice growing softer the more she spoke.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 17:43:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 17:43:40 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 Her snappy tone made Nikolai come back a little as he glared at her. Gosh she was so snippy all the time; he loved it and hated it all at the same time. "Well I know why you're crying, but I'm always going to be hurt, Olli..." Niko gave her an apologetic look. He knew her crying wasn't going to fix him, but he also knew it might just make her feel better. It was the middle of the night and here they were doing this. He was such a broken mess. "Don't wish that. It's...it's made me who I am. Granted, I'm not the best person around, but...it's a part of me." It sounded like a horrible thing to say, but Nikolai was happy with the person he grew up to be, even if he's been through hell. "But...I'm sorry if you don't want to be with me, especially after hearing all of that..."
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 18:29:05 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 18:29:05 GMT -7
@jill9
He glared. Such a little, almost insignificant thing, but it raised her spirits at least a little. Because it meant he was at least a little more back to normal. For at least a moment he wasn't dwelling on the past. "Then I'm going to keep crying for you, because someone has to." she retorted with that same snippiness, but her words were... well, almost endearing. Caring.
And then he was saying he wasn't the best person around, but it was still a part of him. She was the one to glare now. "Don't you dare say that. You're perfect, just the way you are. I don't want you to change, Nikolai. I want you to be you." and then, the next comment. If she didn't want to be with him. She looked shocked, appalled even, by the thought. "I won't leave you. I want to be with you. Even if I can just be here, I'm not leaving. I-" love you. She stopped herself from saying those words. He didn't need to hear that yet, even though she knew it was true. "I care about you." she finished.
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last online May 4, 2024 5:58:04 GMT -7
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Aug 18, 2016 18:46:43 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 18:46:43 GMT -7
@magdalena <3 Nikolai glared at her harder. "No. No you do not. I don't want anyone crying for me, that's why I haven't told anyone but you and...and Dan." He took a deep breath and let it out sharply, angry at her.
Magi called him perfect and he felt his heart skip a beat. Even though he knew it was wrong, that he was not perfect, he was even close. He was actually an ass, and Magdalena knew that. But she still felt the need to compliment him. "I don't plan on changing..." She then spoke again and Niko rose an eyebrow. Talking to her was actually making him feel better, not so scared. Nikolai scooted closer, as close as he could get without touching her. "I just want you to know that if you do want to leave...you can. I won't stop you, and I won't be angry if you do...I'll understand."
His facial expression became sad, not angry, but as she said that she cared about him, he looked up at her, his eyes filled with love. "I...I care about you, too, Olli." Slowly but surely, Niko reached his hand forward and touched her hand, more tears falling.
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