bridge over troubled water (liv)

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River had just stepped into the Common Room and did his usual check to see if his favorite spot by the window was free. Thankfully, right now it was. He walked over there, book bag over his shoulder. Once he got settled in his seat he set the bag beside the window and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. He stared blankly at the equipment in his lap and immediately thought of Liv.

He looked up, where she'd usually be sitting across from him, and frowned. It had been two weeks of school and he had successfully avoided her, an act which was starting to make him feel sick. She was his best friend! He loved her more than anyone! But yet, he was afraid that being around her would kill the entire facade he was trying to go for.

He frowned, dropping his gaze back to the parchment. After another moment of no inspiration, he rested his elbows on his knees and leaned  forward to put his head in his hands.

Who was he?

@liv

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Lavinia didn't know why River was avoiding her. He'd been acting weird all month, and she couldn't explain it. Spending time with the Nott girl, ignoring her, even his demeanor was different. He wasn't... himself. She didn't know what was wrong. Had something happened over the summer? Had she done something to... offend him? What could possibly being going on with her best friend? And the more she stressed about it, the worse she felt. The longer he ignored her.... The deeper she sank. She didn't think anyone had noticed yet, thankfully. Asa had always been the best at recognizing the signs of Liv's depression worsening, but Asa had graduated. Asa didn't know it was happening. Without her older sibling there, and without her best friend.... She felt more alone then ever. After two weeks of his ignoring and avoiding her, Liv had finally resigned herself to her fate. She'd tried to get him to talk to her that first week, but she'd given up by now.

She'd just gotten out of choir practice, and was stopping by the Ravenclaw tower to drop off her books, when she stopped short.

River

There. At their table. Alone. She frozen, unable to move even an inch with her eyes wide. What was he doing? Better question, what was she doing? Just staring at her best friend like he was some foreign creature, unsure how to speak to him anymore. She took a slow, deep, breath. before approaching the table. "River..?" She hesitated, afraid he might take off like before...

@river

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River didn't even notice someone approaching until she spoke his name. His gaze shot up, making eye contact with Liv at his side.

He felt a surge of warmth flow through him and wanted to go to her right then, hold her in his arms, and tell her how much he loved her. But he didn't. He didn't move. He cleared his throat, giving her a short nod, trying not to show his emotions in his face, though he was afraid it was too late. "Lavinia, hello. How are you?" his voice was flat, but his heart was pounding so hard in his ears that his head was starting to hurt.

@liv

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Five words. That was all he said. A flat, emotionless, reaction, and Lavinia felt her expression fall. Her eyebrows furrowed just a little, and she immediately hesitated. She'd never heard River use that tone of voice, especially towards her. It was so... formal. Lacking all emotion and distance.

It took seconds for her to manage to compose herself. to push the slight distress from her expression and swallow the emotion those five words had stirred. "I'm fine." Total and complete lie. One she could sell to anyone except River... and Asa. River just... They'd been friends for so long, he just knew. And Asa? Well, Liv couldn't lie to Asa, no matter how hard she tried. None the less, she tried though. "How are you..?" She asked after a short pause. This was the longest conversation they'd had since school started... And they'd only managed to greet each other.

@river

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River saw her face fall and tried to ignore that fact. He waited as she composed herself, trying not to really see her, allowing his eyes to glaze. Her answer was a lie, he knew that. He felt a tug in his stomach, like he was being pulled to stand and embrace her, but he didn't follow through.

"I'll live," he answered flatly again as she asked how he was. He could tell that she was upset and he knew that he was the cause of it, but what could he do? It was hard enough being a tough guy without having Liv as your best friend. Add her to the mix and it would be impossible.

@liv

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I'll live. That's all she got. Short, curt, almost emotionless and flat. As if leaving no room for response. No, he didn't want talk to her, that much was obvious. If she hadn't already been so emotionally distressed, she might have seen that he was actually struggling a little emotionally himself. But no, she just wasn't in the right state of mind to register that. To even consider he was trying to hide his real reactions, just like her. Instead, she just felt that sharp turning in her stomach at the way her best friend was addressing her. What was going on? Had something happened over the summer? Had she done something? Why was he acting so cold and distant? Why was he acting as if there was absolutely nothing between them anymore. As if, just like a light switch, they suddenly weren't best friends and she was supposed to just get with the program and move on.

Liv didn't like this. No, actually she hated it.

"That's... Good." She forced herself to say, hesitating. What else was she supposed to say? Should she just leave? Just act like him and pretend there was nothing there anymore?

@river

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"Good," he repeated with a small nod. Now what was he supposed to do? How could he possibly go on like this? He felt a tug in his stomach again, the same one he'd felt only seconds before. The one that meant he wanted to go to her. He stood, packing up his bag as he did so, "I should get going," he said flatly, until his things were all in the bag and it was lung over his shoulder. He turned to look at her, face deadpan, "don't you have something to go singing about?" his voice had a bite to it that time, and he wasn't actually sure where it came from. Maybe it was from his own annoyance with himself. That he was treating her this way.

He had to find a balance. This was absurd.

@liv

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River stood, and packed his belongings quickly... And Lavinia felt her stomach sink. Did he really not want to be around her that much? What made it difficult though was no matter how hard she tried, she didn't know why he was acting this way. Couldn't come up with a reason that made sense in her mind. And yet, it was still happening, despite her inability to explain it. Her forced smile had disappeared by this point, and she held her back tighter to her chest. "Oh, okay..." She softly answered as he finally announced he was leaving, even though it was already obvious. And then.... He turned and spoke again.

Lavinia's eyes widened. River had never used that tone of voice with her. Ever. It was harsh, stinging. A tone she'd never expected to hear from her best friend. Immediately she felt her eyes sting, and she wasn't quite sure why yet. "No... I haven't felt like singing." She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. She might have gone to choir practice today, but she hadn't participated. Hadn't been able to bring herself to sing, so she'd feigned a bad cough to get out of it. Her teacher hadn't suspected anything. Didn't know what it meant when Liv wasn't in the mood to sing. But River knew. Because he'd seen it before, a handful of times over the years. The last time had been one year ago, when their friend died.

She felt something wet against her cheek, and reached up. What was that? She touched the spot on her check, then glanced down at her fingers. Water. No, a tear. When had she started to cry? Liv swallowed, hoping it'd stop anymore from falling. Silent she dropped her gaze to the ground and briskly walked past him, heading for the girls dormitory. She didn't want to cry in front of him. "Whatever I did to make you not want to talk to me.... I'm sorry." She vanished up the stairs.

@liv
(End? Or you can totally give us River's reaction!)

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River felt every bone his his body completely melt as she said 'okay' to his leaving. He felt his stomach churn but he tried not to show it on his face. He swallowed, giving her a soft nod.

But then she said she hadn't felt like singing and he felt his body re-solidify and his shoulders tensed. She spoke softly, almost as if she had forgotten how. He choked back words of encouragement, not sure how to say them. He had forgotten a lot of things, like how to be a best friend.

Then she started to cry and he pushed to stand, not realizing that he did so. But she was already walking past, and he was turning to follow her with his gaze. She stopped, apologizing to him for... well, for nothing. She was gone then, and Rivers hands started to shake, the tears coming swiftly and harshly. He was out of the common room in seconds, no idea where he was headed.

He knew one thing, though. He couldn't do this forever.

@liv
(leend)