you're in my veins, and i cannot get you out [rai]

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The night was growing old, and Poe needed to start thinking about getting home soon. He needed to write sometime tomorrow, and if he kept running through the night like he was doing now, he wasn't sure he would ever be able to drag himself out of bed. That wasn't true - Poe's internal alarm clock was still as sharp as ever, which meant that he would definitely be getting up by half past nine, at the latest. But it was difficult for Poe to do anything requiring focus when he had gotten less than five hours of sleep, and right now, that looked like a distinct possibility. The problem was, Poe couldn't stop yet. There was still more one thing that he had to do. As he ducked and weaved through the streets and alleys of London, Poe felt his heart beating frantically against his rib cage, and adrenaline spiraling through his veins, and he felt alive. He continued running through the streets, dodging circles of lamplight and closing in on his target slowly but surely, totally unaware that there was another person in the darkened roads.

@railynn
(ahhhhhhhhhh)

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Taking walks in the middle of the night was one of the few things that gave Rai piece of mind anymore. It was the only place she felt she could completely be herself, vampire and all. Plus, she didn't really need that much sleep anyway. Actually, she wasn't sure if she needed any. She had been re-stationed at Hogwarts back on Christmas night, so only two weeks or so ago. She was happy to be back there but... she was also concerned about it all. Unsure about herself and her ability to be... careful. To be safe, to do the right thing.

Not too mention her feelings toward Grey had just gotten more and more wrapped up in her head and heart, anchoring her to that school. She almost told him once or twice already, but just walked the other way. She was too confused. Too... scared, in all honesty. She had no idea how she would be received. She didn't want their friendship ruined, but she also couldn't lie to him.

On top of that, her favorite mentor, Poe, had come back from America on New Years Eve. They hadn't really gotten a chance to talk since then, since the mistletoe incident with Spike there and since she was passed out. Finn had told her that Poe had been the one to put them to bed, which just made her stomach lurch. As if her brain wasn't scattered enough.

As she walked, she sensed someone running in a street not far from her. She tensed, backing up against a wall. Her senses were heightened at night, and she could see much better. Finally, she saw the shape run past again and she followed, picking up her speed. She shifted to run on the walls beside her instead, so she could stay in the shadows of them. She was right above the person, and dropped down in front of them, stopping their path.

@poet

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Poe didn’t know when he had become aware of the fact that someone was following him, but somewhere along the way he realized that he had become the prey instead of the predator. Poe knew that what he was doing wasn’t strictly legal, so when it came to this situation, there was only one thing that he could do to protect himself and his identity: shift. Poe had already began shifting mid-step when someone dropped in front of him. While he stopped his movement, Poe didn’t stop his shifting, which would have been a good thing, if virtually anyone else was in front of him, except for who was. Rai. Poe’s stomach dropped and he pedaled back a few steps, a small whimper growing in the back of his throat. Great. She was one of the only people in the world who recognized his Animagus form as him, which meant that shifting hadn’t been as great of an idea as he thought. There were a lot of different ways that he could go with this, but right now, Poe was going to hope that somehow, his Animagus form looked different in the dark. His ears began to flick in agitation – as a dog, he could hear the footsteps of his query more acutely, and he was getting away. He didn’t think Rai would take kindly to him bolting off again, though, and even in his Animagus form, she could easily outrun him. So now…all he had to do was wait and see if his gamble was going to pay off.

@railynn

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She saw the person transform into a dog before her eyes and her eyes widened when the puppy finished forming. He whimpered, and she shook her head, a small smirk growing on her lips. She placed both hands on her hips, "my my. What is puppy Poe doing here?" she said, bending down to look at him. She let the smile leave a little as she realized what kind of situation this could be. "Poe... what are you doing out here? And I expect and answer in English, please," she said, holding her hand out to gesture for him to turn back into human form. She didn't really phrase it in a ... nice way, exactly. It was pretty demanding.

@poet

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Rai didn’t look angry at him (yet), but she obvious recognized him, so Poe wasn’t sure whether to count this as a win or as a loss. Rai bent down next to him, and asked him a question, which she expected to be answered in English. Since Poe had yet to find a way to speak English as a dog (though he was desperately hoping that there would be an advancement in the future to make that possible), it meant that he was going to have to shift back. Which meant he had approximately half a second to think of a good excuse for why he had been running down the street, and why he had tried to conceal himself from a bystander. He had no good answer, which meant that it was time for Plan B. Poe shifted back to his human form, grabbed Rai’s face between his hands, kissed her deeply, and then Disapparated with a sharp crack.

@railynn

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Rai waited for him to do something, and do something he did. He shifted back into human form and before he could explain himself and before she could reprimand him, he was grabbing both sides of her face and kissing her. Her eyes widened and her hand reached out, clasping his wrist tightly before he could run off. Well, in this case, disapparate. This meant that she apparated with him, and once they found a destination she didn't release her hand from his wrist.

She looked at him, eyes still a little wide. Then, she felt a familiar lurching in her stomach and her shoulders shook. Was she... she was laughing. She kept her hand wrap around him wrist as she bent forward slightly, laughing quietly at first and then louder. She looked up at him after a moment of that, shaking her head, her eyebrows furrowed together, "what in the hell was that about?"

@poet

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This was wrong. This was all wrong. Poe knew from the moment he Disapparated that he wasn’t alone, and when he landed in his apartment, his knowledge was just confirmed. What he had done was finally catching up to Poe, all the feelings that had been churning in his stomach since he had left for America, and – and he loved her. He loved her, and she seemed to find the idea of kissing him…hilarious. Poe had thought that he had left the way he was feeling behind, but he had been wrong. He had been so wrong, and now Rai was standing in front of him, and he had to pretend that he was fine. Poe’s hands searched for something behind him, and he was relieved to find the lip of his kitchen table. Poe backed up the half-step necessary so he would be able to half-sit on the table, and he still didn’t look at Rai as he answered her question. “I needed to distract you so I could get away.” Poe replied. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than that…but it was. Poe hated himself in that moment – hated himself for loving, hated himself for feeling, and hated himself for not being good enough to be loved back.

@railynn

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Poe backed into the table and grabbed onto it, and she realized his wrist, unsure if she was the reason he was feeling dizzy maybe. He didn't look at her as he explained, saying that he was trying to distract her in order to get away. For a moment she knew that it was because of her that he was faltering. And she knew it wasn't because she was holding onto him too tightly. Her laughter died down at the sound of his voice. "And did you?" she asked, her voice quieting a little, "get away?" she finished. She was meaning figuratively rather than literally.

Suddenly it came to her what had just happened. Poe. Poet Dmello, her crush for the past several months had just kissed her... and she didn't even think of it seriously. She didn't get whisked away into the kiss like she had pictured once or twice in the past. She didn't get lost in him like she expected to. Suddenly, she was seeing clearly. She was seeing past it. She was seeing...

"This is your place?" she asked, taking a step back and gesturing with one hand.

@poet

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Rai asked him if he had gotten away, and Poe shook his head slowly. He hadn’t gotten away from her. He had crossed oceans for her, to get his space, to grieve, and still, she had followed him. He had let her follow him, though, because he felt for her. He felt for her, and that couldn’t just be shunned. She was in his blood, flowing through his veins, and he couldn’t shake her any more than he could shake his own heartbeat. Maybe that was why this hurt so much – because even though Poe knew Rai didn’t love him, he couldn’t help but love her anyways. The knowledge wouldn’t change anything – just make it more painful.

Was this his place? “Depends on what you mean by ‘my place’.” Poe answered quietly. “It’s where I live.” But it didn’t feel like his at all, after being away for so long. It hadn’t felt like coming home – just switching residences. Going to the Three Broomsticks and seeing Rai and Finn had felt like going home more than stepping into his apartment had. “Maybe it would feel more like mine if…” Poe didn’t know what would make it feel more like his. He gave people his heart, not places. “I don’t know.” He finished softly. He had never heard himself like this, so quiet and flat. He didn’t know where his light had gone, but it felt like a switch had been flipped, and now he was stuck in the dark.

@railynn

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He shook his head at her question, and she felt a sharp pain in her heard. She hoped he just meant literally, since she was physically there. He answered her question, saying that it depended what she meant. It was where he lived, but he suggested that maybe something was missing. Then he said he didn't know. His voice soft. She had never heard him talk this way before. Wasn't sure if he ever had. She chewed on her lip and nodded, not saying anything for a few moments before stepping forward again, but she didn't do anything further.

She wanted to place her hand on his shoulder, on his face, to take his hand and assure him that everything was all right. But she didn't know if it was all right. She didn't know anything about this. "Poe..." she started, then she cleared her throat, "it's a nice place," she glanced back around the room, then back to him. "I'm sorry that I ruined your adventure tonight... want to share what you were up to with an old friend?" Ouch. Even saying the word friend made her chest hurt. Not because she wanted to be more but because, somehow, she thought he might want that. And she knew she couldn't give it.

@poet

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This was awful. It was awful, because even under all of the love, Rai was one of his best friends. Poe understood now why people worried about ruining friendships when they admitted their love, because Poe hadn’t even admitted his feelings for real and it felt like everything was crumbling down anyways. Rai apologized for ruining his adventure, and asked him to share what he had been doing. “It’s better if you don’t know.” Poe said flatly. It was better if she didn’t know what he had been doing that night because then she wouldn’t be in the awkward position of having to choose between him and her job. It was better if she didn’t know how he felt, because then they wouldn’t have to do the awkward dance of apologies that weren’t meant and acceptances that were just as insincere. It would have been even better if he could just run away, but this was where he lived. He couldn’t well just up and leave it. He had tried that before, and it brought him to where he was now, alone…and afraid. The last time Poe had been afraid was when Rai disappeared, and he physically winced at the thought of the reunion, and what had come after.

@railynn

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He said it was better if she didn't know, and she frowned. His voice was flat and unemotional, which made her eyebrows furrow together. She nodded, "fine," she said softly. Not angrily. Then after a moment she saw him wince, and she took a small step back. Was he... afraid of her? Because of her vampire natures? He shouldn't be... and the thought of that made her heart ache. She didn't want that. She chewed on her lip for a moment longer before clearing her throat. "Should I... I should go, right?" she said softly. She felt like something was... off, and a part of her knew what it was but she didn't want to say it. Didn't even want to think it. She thought about those letters they had written, how she'd mentioned loving someone... she wondered what he really had thought of that.

But what could she say now?

@poet

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Rai didn't look pleased by his answer, but what could he say? He didn't want to go to Azkaban and she didn't want to ignore the call of the law. It was better this way. Everything was better this way, with a polite distance between him and her, with the words he felt in his heart left unsaid. Rai asked if she should go - said she should go, really - and Poe wanted to say no. He wanted to beg her to stay, but he had promised himself long ago he would never beg anyone to love him. Rai wasn't going to be an exception to his rule. "Maybe you should." He said quietly. On the table, a few of his poems were spread, some half-finished and others complete. There was one by his ring finger that he had written for her, and Poe was half-temped to give it to her. But only half. After grappling for a moment, Poe grabbed it, and folded it carefully in half, glad that the ink had long since dried. "Maybe when you have time, you can read this." It wouldn't change things, but at least she would know how he felt and he could continue to hide behind a shield of written words.

[Deleted]

He said that maybe she should, go that is, in a soft voice. Which only made her want to stay more, to talk, but she wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do... her eyes flickered to the table as his hand clasped a paper and folded it. She scanned the poems from a distance, but was unable to read any and didn't want to... intrude. He held the poem out to her and she looked down at it, then back up at his face as she reached out to take it. "I... I will. I'll read it," though, a part of her knew that she'd put it off for fear of what it said.

She held onto it and let her fingertips grace his hand just a little before she pulled away, taking the poem with her hand. "Don't get into too much trouble," she half chided, feet unmoving.

@poet

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Railynn agreed to read the poem that he had given her, and Poe nodded once, wondering if she was lying to him. If she would just throw it away. Sometimes it was easier not to know, not to have anyone say what they felt. Which was why Poe wasn’t staying anything, still. He didn’t want to make Rai’s life harder. She had more than enough on her plate already. “Thank you.” He answered. When Rai took the poem from his, her fingers brushed against his hand, and Poe tried desperately to ignore the way lightning thrilled up his arm and warmth spread through his hand. She didn’t feel the same way, and trying to force it would be worse than doing nothing at all.

“Why do you always lecture me when you’re afraid I’m going to run away?” Poe asked. Neither of them were saying it, but Poe felt now the same way he had felt before leaving for America – like this was a goodbye for now that could’ve been a goodbye forever. Except for then, she had been telling him to come back to her, and now…Poe didn’t even know what ‘don’t get into trouble’ was supposed to mean, other than the obvious.

@railynn