Not How It's Supposed To Go (Tamara)

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Dom was breaking. Though she was trying hard to seem strong and not really show everyone how she felt, she was so torn up on the inside. Ethan was dead. He'd died. Right in front of her and Dom couldn't stop seeing that whenever she closed her eyes. Elaine's triumphant grin and the dawning realization of what was happening. Her best friend, her boyfriend, the person she planned on spending all the time with that she could. He was gone and there wasn't anything she could do to bring him back. 

Of course, she was supporting others during this time. The attack on April 1st affected a lot of people. Some were still kidnapped and Dom was comforting their siblings and loved ones, trying to forget herself, but there were times when that didn't work. Particularly, when she was alone. Like she was now. Dom sat by the Black Lake, staring across the water without seeing it. She couldn't seem to focus on anything right now. Anything other than that day, those moments when she failed to help protect him. She didn't even notice when someone approached her from behind, didn't notice the tears streaming down her cheeks as the memory played in a loop through her mind.

@tamara

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Life, there was always a balance. Life and death held in the palm of one’s hand, it could be swayed either way. The temptation for fruit was enough to make one sway to the side of darkness and someone else to say towards the side of light. Tamara had always been a child of light, never once been tempted by the darkness that surrounded the world in a blanket of deceit and murder. But she was trusting – a little too trusting – towards those that held a face in front of their own, a mask of lies. Tamara was never good at learning who had lied and who hadn’t. She was in her bubble, a bubble of her own devices. She had a good heart and saw the good in others, even if there was no good to be seen. But with Ethan there was never a question, he was good.

Life, it had its cruelty; it nipped and bit at one’s skin until Fate came into play and claimed what belonged to them. Life – may it be of the person, of their lover, their family or even their child. And in Tamara’s cruel life, it had been two. First her older brother, losing his life defending those that could not defend himself. His death had been bitter on her and her family, but she had remained calm throughout it all. And now, just as she got over the death of her brother through the breath of life that being with Ethan gave her, she lost him. Sure, they had broken up a bit before he had been killed before her eyes because she fell for his best friend, but it still stung. And with the constant kidnappings and murders happening within the world, it was just bitter.

While she had people to comfort her, it was another person that had been there when Ethan died. And while she and her crush comforted each other through small talk and advice, Dominique probably had no one. So, there she was, walking across campus in the crisp air. Her thoughts were elsewhere when she finally stumbled upon Dom, who was sitting at the Black Lake. She plastered a smile on her face as she grew closer, clearing her throat to gain her attention, she finally spoke. “Hey Dom,” she breathed out as she moved to sit beside the redhead, it was then that she noticed her cheeks, stained with water, and she frowned. “Hey, are you okay?” she breathed out, of course, she knew the answer. None of them were okay, watching someone die was more painful than learning from someone else that they had passed. It would never be the same; their life was stained with the memory.

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456 words ;; @dominique

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Dom didn't expect someone to cough behind her, but she showed no outward sign of surprise or even recognition. Yes, she was Dominique Weasley, girl who was always there to support others but right now she was taking a moment for herself, to mourn all that she lost. Why did someone need to come and interrupt that? Then the person decided to sit down beside her, speaking as she did so, and Dom barely kept herself from glowering. What in the world made this person think that she wanted to join them? Then the voice registered in her mind. Tamara. Dom swallowed, then bit her bottom lip. If there was one person who wanted to be with her right now, Tamara was probably the best choice. She gave a slow nod in greeting, but didn't say anything. Dom was positive her voice was broken. If she spoke, she might start sobbing again and she wasn't alone anymore. She needed to tuck her feelings away as she always did around others. She wouldn't be a burden. 

At the girl's question Dom shook her head, but that wasn't enough. She had to say something. "Of course not," her voice was hardly louder than a whisper. "H-h-he's gone," Dom added in the same soft tone. If anyone could understand, it would be Tamara, wouldn't it? Dom hoped the older girl wouldn't judge her, wouldn't tell anyone else what a mess Dom was. In front of anyone else, Dom would have been able to control her emotions. She was a master at that, after all.

@tamara

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Tamara could see the brokenness within Dom’s eyes, but she refrained from saying anything. The moment her question slipped out, she knew the answer. No one would be okay, and while Tamara was a bit broken inside because she had loved Ethan before they broke up, she knew that Dom probably felt it more. Of course, being there to watch him die didn’t help either. She frowned softly, sympathy within her doe brown eyes as she was told that she wasn’t okay, before hearing the girl stutter out the words that everyone knew. He was gone. Ethan was gone, and he wasn’t coming back, not this time. Before he had just been hurt by the girl and found himself in the hospital; this time he was dead, there were no hospital visits to watch him get better. Instead, there was only death. “I know,” she breathed out, her voice a soft whisper that seemed to crack. Tamara had cried enough, the guilt nipped and bit at her skin every time she thought about Ethan and how he died. Without even asking, without even revealing she was going to do it, Tamara wrapped her arms around Dom’s shoulder, a way to comfort her. If the girl pulled away, she’d let her, if she didn’t then she’d just comfort her more.

“He—he may be gone, but he’ll always be with us, you know, that right?” she questioned in the same soft tone. Coming from Tamara’s mouth, she sounded like her mother or those people that spat about people staying with you always. Maybe that was true, but it just didn’t sound all that convincing. It would be better if he were actually with them, not just spiritually with them.

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228 words ;; @dominique

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Tamara didn't say anything for a while, which really wasn't all that surprising, but it didn't help either. When she did, she merely confirmed what Dom just said. Ethan was gone. Gone. Dom knew it, she knew the only reason she could be hurting this bad was if he really was gone. Ethan would never hurt her this much by choice. Tamara wrapped her arms around Dom and for once Dom accepted the embrace. She leaned into the older girl as the sobbing got harder and her shoulders started to shake. She knew she should do something else, help someone that needed it or find something else to think about, but how could she? Ethan was gone! Her best friend for the past six years, her boyfriend for the last month, her first love. How was she supposed to distract herself from that?

She heard the Hufflepuff's words and Dom shook her head, "N-n-not in the way I w-w-want h-him," she stammered, still crying too hard to talk decently. She knew she shouldn't continue, that her words might hurt the older girl or make her feel guilty, but she couldn't help it. She pulled back slightly, looking up at Tamara. "He f-f-finally noticed me, wanted me! I w-waited so long." Dom looked away. "And now he's ..." she couldn't say it again and merely trailed off. Ethan, her heart whispered to him as she wished he could come back.

@tamara

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The moment Dom leaned into her touch, she felt her heart break more and more, especially when the sobs grew louder. Hesitantly, Tamara reached her hand up and began stroking the redhead’s hair with her fingers, a comforting notion. The brunette found her tears of sadness welling within her, but she had to stay strong. It was Dom’s turn to cry, to be heard, and Tamara would let her have it. She let out a small sniffle and felt Dom shake her head through the tears, stammering her words of not wanting him to be with her through her heart instead of in reality. “I know, I am so sorry Dom,” she breathed out. She felt like it was her fault, Tamara had claimed Ethan for a bit before dragging him along after the whole accident that left him in the hospital. By the time, she set him free and he was able to be with someone that would truly love him, with would be Dom, it was already too late. She wanted to apologize more, for everything but refrained from doing so. Now was not the time, but she’d let the guilt eat her for a little bit more. She began to speak again, but Tamara refrained from finishing the statement that they already knew so well. “I know sweetie, I know,” she whispered instead of stating the obvious, “I know anything I say won’t bring him back, and for that I am sorry…but I am here for you; you know that right?” With each tear that slipped down Dom’s face, she knew that Elaine would have to pay. Either at her hands, or the Phoenix Rising’s, or even that of the real authorities out there. Elaine would get what is coming to her, one way or another.

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299 words ;; @dominique

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Dom felt the older girl's hand on her hair, but didn't react at all. If there was anyone in the school that could understand what she was feeling (at least somewhat), it would be Tamara. That fact alone was why Dom was letting her normally impeccably controlled emotions loose. Sure, everyone might hing she was just a maniac and let her emotions completely control her, but that was what she wanted them to think. Dom was a pro at showing people only what she wanted them to see. Right now, however, she was letting her emotions out; all the tears she wasn't showing anyone else were running down her face. She nodded when the girl apologized, but an apology wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't Tamara's fault and she hoped the other girl wasn't blaming herself. By the time Tamara started talking again, Dom was taking deep breath and trying to calm herself down a bit. At the moment she was mostly sniffling and definitely not entirely done crying, but she was doing her best. "I know you are. Thank you Tamara," Dom said as she started shaking again. She was glad that Tamara was here, that she could talk to her, but at the same time it hurt. Ethan ... she could hardly think his name without breaking down again.

@tamara

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Tamara had never really seen Dom cry, nor show her emotions, so this was the first for her. It almost made her hesitant that the young girl would snap, but she refrained from letting that overcloud her judgment to comfort her friend, a friend that she had made through Ethan. And while she had broken up with Ethan not long after he got out of the hospital, then, in turn, started dating his best friend Liam in secret, she still felt the same loss. Though Tamara had frozen herself away from the sadness, trying to put on a brave face and stay strong for her friends and those around her, Dom being one of them; Tamara smiled as the girl agreed that she knew that Tamara was here for her and quickly thanked her, and she nodded her head. “You’re welcome,” she said before looking down at the girl, “Now—how about a distraction? Want to go for a walk and talk?” she questioned the girl. If she denied the offer, she would accept it; if she asked her to leave, she would leave. The cards were in Dom’s hands now.

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@dominique

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Dom finally felt like she was starting to get a handle on her emotions. Yes, she was still sniffling and the tears were still leaking out a bit, but her breathing was becoming more and more steady and she was feeling more in control. She hated losing control like this, but at least was grateful that it didn't happen in public. It happened in front of a good friend, one of the only ones that understood her right now. She felt lucky about that, weird as it seemed. Tamara looked down at her and asked if Dom wanted a distraction, to walk and talk. Dom paused for a moment, trying to read her own emotions and figure out what she wanted. It was weird that she actually had to focus on that. Normally she just did whatever she wanted without hesitation but right now she didn't know what that was. After a moment she slowly nodded. "Sure," she said softly, rising to her feet. "How about you choose where we go," Dom suggested, not wanting to think. She also didn't want to talk about Ethan, but maybe Tamara would know that. Maybe she'd be able to find a way to distract Dom from the pain that she felt was tearing her apart from the inside. She looked at the older girl, not letting herself focus on her own pain. She couldn't handle that right now.

@tamara

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The hesitation after Tamara’s suggestion had her a bit worried, but she knew it was because Dom wasn’t feeling herself at that moment. Grief did that to people; this wasn’t her first encounter with someone that was changed by the loss of someone – the first had been Tia, her twin. But finally, she nodded her head and agreed to the distraction which caused her to smile at her good friend, both of them rising to their feet. “Not worried I’ll lead you astray?” she questioned trying her hand at joking, but maybe was not the time that that kind of joke. Quickly, not missing a beat, she looped her arm through Dom’s and began to semi-pull her along. “Are you excited that you’ll be a seventh-year next year?” she questioned quickly, wondering if the girl was ready to even graduate from the halls of Hogwarts. Tamara was nervous about her graduation, worried about what would come next, and she only had a little time left before that happened.

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@dominique

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As they stood, Tamara teased Dom, asking if she was worried that the older girl would lead her astray. Dom laughed, though her voice sounded quite hollow to herself- did everyone else hear that? "Like anyone could lead me into something that I don't want to do," she retorted quickly, forcing a smile to make sure Tamara knew she was joking. She kind of was, but at the same time she wasn't. Dom was the crazy one, the one who did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She was the one who pulled Ethan, Tamara, Liam, and Riley- along with countless others- into all sorts of ridiculous situations. At least, she used to do that. Now, none of that interested her. She wasn't sure if it ever would, now that her favorite partner-in-mischief was gone. She forced herself not to think his name. She nodded and shrugged when Tamara asked if she was excited about next year. "Sure. I mean, it'll probably just be a bunch of the same, but I always like learning and Quidditch and such." Over the last few weeks she'd been mentally preparing herself for next year, a school year without Ethan present, because she knew it would be hard for her. This was so much harder. Her lower lip quivered, but she bit it, not allowing herself to cry. "Are you excited to go out into the world? Do you know what you want to do yet?" She needed to talk about something that wasn't herself. Thinking about herself invariably led to thoughts of him. She couldn't go there right now.

@tamara

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Hearing Dom laugh, even if it didn’t sound as lively as she remembered, was a nice little thing. She smiled, glad that she found the joke funny, and even resorted back her joking manner. But she could tell that the smile that came with it was forced, but she didn’t comment on it. She was just glad to have the girl smiling, laughing and speaking, even if it wasn’t the same as before. “That’s true, Hogwarts seems to be the same each year, never changing. Just a constant motion of the same thing with friends that you’ll probably never talk to again after graduation,” she said with a small shrug. It was then that the question was directed back towards her and she smiled, “I don’t know. Kind of? I guess after everything that’s happened; I’m not as excited. But I want to make my mark, make people remember me any way possible.”

She smiled at Dom before answering her next question, about what she wanted to do. “Well I entered this year thinking I’d continue with Quidditch, maybe even play for the Holyhead Harpies, but I think I might join the Prophet. I’ve always liked writing, and that seems like the best place to be to write about news and such…spread the word about what has been happening in our society,” she shrugged her shoulders once more.

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@dominique

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Dom frowned at Tamara's response. She didn't like the idea of making so many friends here just to never talk to them again. It was a very depressing way of looking at things. She shrugged a little, not really knowing what to say to that. Dom felt depressed and sad and couldn't argue with her friend's sad logic. When Tamara answered her question, she nodded. "I'm sure you'll figure out a way to make your mark," she said, trying to be supportive and encouraging, though she wasn't quite sure if she was doing a good job at it. "Writing sounds like fun." Dom paused a moment, "You'll let me know what you do, right? Like, you'll write me?" Dom wasn't sure whether her friend would or not, but she wanted her to. After loosing ... Dom didn't want to lose anyone else.

@tamara

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She could tell by Dom’s face that she didn’t exactly enjoy what was said, and Tamara felt a little bad. Why did she have to shovel her negativity on her friend? She smiled, “Thanks—” she let the words die down in her throat, but she nodded her head after Dom said that writing sounded like fun, and she smiled. “It does—so hopefully it’ll be the place for me,” she said with a smile. It was then that Dom asked if she would let her know what she ends up doing, asking if she would write to her.

The brunette found herself nodding her head, “Of course Dom; you’ll be getting tons of owls from me throughout the school year, you just see,” she said with a smile. “I value our friendship too much to not keep in touch,” she added with the same smile on her face.

“What about you? Have any idea what you want? Or have you not thought about it yet?” she questioned, she knew that Dom had at least one more year left before she too graduated, but didn’t hurt to get an idea early.

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@dominique

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Tamara was smiling now, which Dom noticed, but she wasn't up to being her normally perceptive self. She was still mourning the loss of her best friend, her boyfriend and while Tamara was helping to distract her, her thoughts still flittered to Ethan every few seconds. Staying on task with her friend wasn't easy and Dom felt like she was fighting to keep this conversation going positively. "I'm sure it will be. You'll have to let me know how it goes," she said, wondering if she would be back to her self next year enough to make sure she was owling Tamara. Dom wasn't quite sure. 

Then Tamara said that she'd be owling Dom throughout the year and she felt relieved. She could answer owls, for sure. "I'll look forward to hearing from you then," she answered, forcing another smile and nodding when Tamara spoke of how she valued their friendship. 

Then Tamara turned the attention to Dom, asking what she wanted. Her mind instantly flashed to conversations with Ethan about them doing Quidditch together and she cringed, forcing herself to keep the tears on the inside. She was not about to start crying again. "No," she answered after a moment. "I don't know yet." Of course she'd thought about it, but all her previous plans were with Ethan, or at least surrounding him. Dom didn't know what she wanted with her life anymore and she wasn't sure if she wanted to try and figure it out.

@tamara