I Never Knew You | Maxima

[Deleted]

It was just another morning. Aaron woke up groggy as usual. He groped around on his nightstand for the bottle of water he always kept there. Instead, he found a vial of wolfsbane potion. Shrugging, he unstoppered the vial and downed it in a single gulp. Sitting up, he looked around the room. His bedroom was a mess; clothes, both clean and dirty were strewn everywhere, his dinner from last night was still sitting on his desk, and a growing stack of bills taunted him from his dresser.

He stood up, stumbled for a moment, and righted himself. Throwing on a buttoned shirt and jeans, he looked around the room. He grabbed his bottle of water and drank it as he walked downstairs, kicking clothes out of the way as he went. He should probably wash some of those at some point today. Walking into the kitchen, he threw his empty water bottle away. It clattered against the pile of trash he kept promising himself he would eventually take out. "Aaron, why are you like this?" he asked himself, rubbing his face. His fingers brushed against one of his many scars, and he traced it for a moment, thinking.

In the midst of his silent reverie, there was a knock at the door. His brow furrowing, Aaron moved to answer the call. Throwing the door open, looking like a hot mess, he exclaimed, "Max?!"

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Max had been home for just two days when it had happened again; whatever she was going to start calling it—her healing touch—had presented itself for the second time. Her younger half-sister, Sarah, had burnt her arm accidentally on the stove while Max had been preparing dinner for herself and her two younger half-siblings, and—with both her mother and stepfather still at work—she had known that she had to try what might have been impossible. The burn, however, had healed. Just as the boy's leg had healed, Sarah's burn had disappeared.

Having to explain to Sarah that she hadn't used magic outside of school and that it was something that she couldn't control—like the accidental magic that she and Simon both exhibited on occasion—hadn't been easy for Max, who didn't know how similar or different the two phenomena actually were, but she had needed some way to explain it to the eight-year-old that wouldn't scare her. But just because Sarah had gone back to playing on the computer hadn't meant that Max had been able to distract herself from it.

Aaron, it dawned on her while she was still awake in bed, still didn't know. He must have known about Elias, because the news had been everywhere. Jamie and Odette knew about her ability, and they would worry because she still hadn't talked to anyone who might have been able to point her in the right direction about it, and then they all had Elias's death to process… And she didn't know Odette's work schedule without asking, whereas she didn't doubt that Aaron would be there in the morning if she came to his place.

She waited until the next morning, after Simon and Sarah had gone off to school and her mother and stepfather had gone off to work, to hail the Knight Bus to Hogsmeade. As usual, it was a bit of a bumpy ride, with no one's knowing if they were safe not to hold on, so they were all left to cling to what they could for dear life.

Walking from where the bus dropped her off on the high street to Aaron's address gave her time to think. There was a good chance, she guessed, that she would be waking him—even though having had to get up early for her classes all year meant that it was rather late for her, already, but she would have to risk that.

When she reached his door, she drew in a breath and knocked, then she waited—thoughts running through her head again—until the door opened.

“Max?!” Aaron stood before her. He was dressed, so she hadn't awoken him, but she had to wonder if he had actually slept. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see the inside of where he was living if he looked like that. Max had to consider that she wasn't the neatest person on the face of the earth, either, though she at least looked… presentable.

Waiting for a moment to allow his initial shock of seeing her on his doorstep to subside, Max then spoke. “Is this a bad time?” she wondered quietly, not intending to stay if he said that it was.

@aaron

[Deleted]

Aaron rubbed his eyes. It was difficult to process that his younger sister was visiting him, and she couldn't have picked a worse time. Looking back into his home, he grimaced at the mess. Max deserved better than the squalor he was living in. Maybe, if he had known she was coming he could've cleaned up a little and at least make it look like an actual person lived there and not a dog.

"No, this is a perfect time," he lied, his voice cracking and giving him away. "Uh, come on in." He stepped back to let Max in, almost tripping over a pair of boots in the process. Oh yeah, he was making a great impression. He kicked the boots aside and tried to pick stuff up and move them out of the way as he led Max to the living room. The couch was, of course, a mess, covered in clothes and the crumbs of meals past. He brushed it all off and gestured for Max to have a seat. "So, uh, how have you been? It's been awhile." Since I ran away and abandoned you all," he thought bitterly.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Aaron didn't sound incredibly convincing to her in his answer that it was a “perfect” time, though he stepped back inside to allow her in and told her to do so. Max was about to follow, but, right as she stepped to do so, Aaron nearly tripped over something. It had been a pair of boots, apparently, as she saw when he kicked them out of his way.

As she continued inside, Max looked around in a mixture of amazement and horror at the mess. She followed Aaron into what must have been a living room at some point—there was seating, at least—though she didn't think that it would have been out of the question to assume that he didn't have company much. Clothes were strewn all over what must have been his sofa, along with crumbs of something.

Hiding her disgust with his living conditions, she sat where Aaron gestured for her to sit and didn't dare to deviate from it.

“So, uh, how have you been? It's been awhile.”

It had been. Max couldn't remember when she had seen him last. And while it was good to see the eldest of her half-siblings, she had to wonder how he had been doing to tolerate living the way he was. She was doing okay, by her standards, and—given that Elias had just died—having taken the Knight Bus to Aaron's flat was better than keeping herself locked in her room and sleeping the day away to avoid having to deal with the world.

“Alright,” she told him. The school year had been long and more sad or frustrating than it had ever been happy, but she had made it through—alive—and was happy about that. Aaron, by contrast, looked only to be surviving, though she wasn't sure how. Getting the feeling that he was either under the influence of something or had been, she hesitated. “You're not… hungover or anything right now, are you?”

She couldn't blame him if he had needed to get drunk to cope with everything, and she couldn't exactly chastise him for it. Max felt that she was probably the last person in the world—or at least in their family—who should have been lecturing him on coping mechanisms, but it was worth asking if she was going to be in his company.

@aaron

[Deleted]

The flinch was almost immediate when Max asked if he was hungover. Aaron felt as if he had been slapped. Hard. By his own sister. Sighing, he sat down on the couch next to her and buried his face in his hands. He scrubbed at his face, trying to rid it of the invisible filth covering his flesh. He was a failure of a brother, he knew. He had left them all high and dry and now Elias was dead. And though he could have in no way predicted that the ship would explode, he felt responsible. If only he had been there, maybe he could've convinced Elias to just stay. And now they all had a funeral to attend, and he would feel worse then ever.

"I'm not hungover," he admitted. "Though most days I am, and I wish I was now. I'm just...a mess." That was really the only way he could describe it. He hadn't been in contact with any of his siblings since his return. He spent most of his time alone or with Ophelia, and he always made sure to stay far away from his place. She'd have him locked up in St. Mungo's for sure if she saw how he was living. Not that he would entirely mind. He would be close to her, after all. But that wasn't the point. He needed to get his life together. For his sisters' sakes if not his own.

"It really is good to see you, Max. I'm just sorry you have to see me like this. I'm working on it, I promise," It wasn't completely a lie. He would work on his living conditions and himself. Now, at least. "So, really, how have you been?"

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

The response that Aaron gave to her asking if he was hungover wasn't what Max expected, though that seemed to be a recurring theme with her interactions with just about everyone anymore. She looked at him concernedly as he sat down on the sofa and rubbed at his face, not knowing what to say.

“I'm not hungover.” Max was willing to take Aaron at his word, even if she had to wonder when was the last time that he had been bothered to clean anything. “Though most days I am,” he admitted, “and I wish I was now.” Max couldn't say that she knew the feeling, but it wasn't reassuring to hear that he wished he were hungover. Wasn't it supposed to be a miserable feeling? “I'm just… a mess.”

“It really is good to see you, Max,” he said in what, by Max's guess, was probably meant to be reassurance. “I'm just sorry you have to see me like this,” he told her. “I'm working on it, I promise.”

“So, really, how have you been?”

“That's sort of why I came here, actually…” Max trailed, keeping her hands in her lap. Beginning to wish that she could have ended up with the ability to make a room spotless—given the state of the sofa alone—she had to accept that she hadn't. She certainly wasn't at the rock bottom that she had been the previous autumn, but things in the world of the nearly-sixteen-year-old Maxima Greyback were a bit of a mess, too, to say the least. He must have been wondering what she'd been doing at his door.

“I'm alright,” she promised him quickly. “Don't worry.” With everything else that had gone on, it felt necessary to say it. Besides, what she could do wasn't a bad thing, she reminded herself; it was good that she could heal people. “I've just had a lot of things going on in my head, and I… I needed to talk to someone who wouldn't think that I need to be taken to hospital.” It was frank, perhaps, but Aaron had already told her that he was a mess; he couldn't really judge her for admitting the same.

@aaron

[Deleted]

Aaron leaned forward as Max trailed off, his brow furrowed with concern. He wanted Max to be comfortable talking to him, even if he didn't deserve it. He looked around the room and grimaced. Yeah, he lived in a real inviting abode. It was no wonder she was having a difficult time talking to him. He was exactly the poster child for sibling counseling. He relaxed a little when she said she was okay, but it didn't really make him feel better. He would continue beating himself up until he knew for sure that she was okay. "You can always talk to me Max," he said softly, trying to reassure her. He longed to reach out and touch her, to draw her into his arms and embrace her. But he wasn't ready. And it would probably just make things worse than they already were. "So what's up?" The question was simple, and Aaron said it casually enough, but he was burning to know what was on Max's mind.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Getting reassurance from Aaron that she could always talk to him made Max feel more confident in her decision to have shown up at his flat uninvited, even if where he lived was more than a little unkempt. At his asking her what was up, she took a deep breath and started to explain.

“So, er… A few months ago, I realized that I can heal people with my hands—like wandless magic, I guess?—after I helped this first-year boy, but then it didn't happen again.” There hadn't been an opportunity. “And then… I did do it again… last night.”

She paused and tried to explain. ”I was making dinner, and Sarah—my younger half-sister—I guess she got too close to the stove, but I didn't realize it until she had already burnt her arm, so I tried to heal it like I did before… And I did.” It had worked.

“And she started asking me why I was using magic outside of school, so I lied and said that I didn't know what she was on about… I don't know what it is, Aaron, so I-I don't know how to explain it to an eight-year-old,” she admitted.

“Odette said she's never heard of anything like it and to talk to Madam Blacksmith about it,” she continued, “and I meant to… But then my friend needed help from Professor McGonagall, and then…” She swallowed. “Everything… h-happened with… E-Elias, and…” It still didn't seem real, which was why Max wasn't expecting herself to feel as though she was about to cry.

@aaron

[Deleted]

Aaron listened without saying a word as Max launched into her story. He tried to keep the surprise off his face as she described her newfound ability, but it was nearly impossible. Aaron had never heard of such abilities, but instead of being skeptical or repulsed, he was honestly a little jealous. As sincere as she sounded, Aaron had no doubt in his mind that Max was telling the truth. As she continued to speak, he nodded and listened, giving her all the time she needed to explain. When she brought up Elias and began to crack up, however, Aaron immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, letting her lean against his chest.

"I believe you," he said reassuringly, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. "You've always been a healing soul, Max. It only makes sense that that ability would manifest itself physically. It's nothing you should be ashamed of." He paused for a moment, trying to find the words to say to make her feel better. It was difficult when even his own eyes were stinging with tears when he thought of the empty space in their lives that was once held by Elias. But he had to be strong for Max. "I guess it's kinda like how I can communicate with dogs. Some witches and wizards just have a natural inclination to special abilities. And yours is one to be proud of. Think of how many people you can help, Max. Sure, it'll be difficult to explain at first, but you shouldn't be afraid. You've been given a gift. Use it."

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

The feeling of safety that came as Aaron's arm wrapped around her was much needed, and Max did everything in her power to keep from breaking down completely. He believed what she was saying, he said, and he theorized that it was because she had “always been a healing soul”. “It only makes sense that that ability would manifest itself physically. It's nothing you should be ashamed of,” Aaron went on to elaborate, saying that he thought that it was kind of like his own ability to communicate with dogs. “Some witches and wizards just have a natural inclination to special abilities. And yours is one to be proud of. Think of how many people you can help, Max. Sure, it'll be difficult to explain at first, but you shouldn't be afraid. You've been given a gift. Use it.”

As soon as she was sure that she would be able to reply to Aaron without crying, Max spoke again, glad that he wasn't judging her for being upset. “I want to be a Healer eventually. I wanted to be a Healer before this, too…” It wasn't just because of the ability she'd discovered she possessed. “And now—Now I know that it's… more than a one-off thing…” What did that mean for her?

“We're going to be having lessons on first aid at school, and I don't want people to think that I'm trying to show off—or making it up to get attention.” That was all she needed, she thought. “I don't want to be a… distraction because of this… ‘healing touch’ thing. And I don't want people to use me just because they think that I can do something that they can't.

“I want to help people, but I-I don't think that I can save lives or anything, but I… don't know.” Maybe she wouldn't ever know. That was a possibility, too, wasn't it?

“I-I know this sounds stupid, but I can't stop thinking about the attacks,” Max admitted. “If they had happened on Hogwarts' grounds… Maybe… Maybe I could have saved Elias.”

@aaron

[Deleted]

"If people think you're using this for attention, then poo on them," Aaron said sharply, turning his head to look Max right in the eye. "As far as people using you, you have to trust your gut. You're a smart girl, Max, and you've got me and Jamie and Odette looking out for you," he said gently.

Again, the subject turned back to Elias, and Aaron sighed heavily. Thinking about his half-brother had been part of the reason he was so out of sorts lately. He thought of the pile of Wolfsbane Potion vials upstairs in his bedroom, all empty and strewn about his room. There was no way he was going to let Max see that. It would terrify her to know what kind of person Aaron had become. Hell, it terrified him. All Aaron could do now was hold Max tightly. He couldn't make the pain go away, especially when he felt it so strongly as well, but he having someone to hold made it a little easier to bare. He hoped Max felt the same way.

"Maybe you could have. Maybe you couldn't have. It would kill you either way," he said quietly, stroking his sister's hair. "I think about the same thing every day. If I had just come back sooner, maybe things would've been different. Maybe I could've convinced him to stay. Then he wouldn't have been on the ship..." Aaron's voice trailed off and he swallowed hard, not wanting to think about it. "But we can sit here and 'what-if' ourselves to death and it won't change a thing. Elias wouldn't want that for any of us." Of that, Aaron was absolutely certain.

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

Easing her fears of being used for her ability to heal people, Aaron told her that he and Jamie and Odette would be there to look out for her. Even after the row that she had had with Jamie when trying to explain it, she didn't doubt that the former Hufflepuff was still firmly on her side. It would take some adjustment to get used to not having Jamie at school if she needed her, but at least Aaron and Jamie and Odette—even Adrian, on another continent—were an owl away.

Aaron reminded her that there wasn't any way to know for certain whether or not she could have saved Elias's life, though. He told her that she wasn't alone in thinking about it, which helped, even if it hurt to think about what Elias's last moments must have been like. “If I had just come back sooner, maybe things would've been different. Maybe I could've convinced him to stay. Then he wouldn't have been on the ship…” Max could hear the pain in Aaron's voice, even if he didn't state it outright. “But we can sit here and 'what-if’ ourselves to death and it won't change a thing. Elias wouldn't want that for any of us.”

“He was there in the Hospital Wing when I nearly died,” Max said quietly—almost blankly—as she tried to block her past feelings of self-hatred from her memory while she recounted her near-death. “And he barely knew me.” Elias only really knew her as his half-sister, and, even as the months passed, they had never been close. “He didn't have to be there, but he was, even though he'd just come from Durmstrang and…” It suddenly hit her that Elias had done more for her than she ever had for him.

“On the day of the Third Task,” she began, “I was talking to this boy in my year—another Slytherin, this boy called Zaire—and… it made me realize that the Tournament was nothing but a distraction for us, like the Ministry were trying to… make us forget about the… deaths and all of that by making the Champions compete. And—And I was so selfish, and I saw it like everyone else did, because… why wouldn't I, I guess? But it was like… It felt like I woke up. I realized I hadn't been concerned about his safety because the Ministry were going to make sure everything was alright—because those weren't ‘real’ dangers like the kidnappings—never mind that they were actually being hurt… And then I kept talking about Elaine Dupree, because I thought she'd do something else, wouldn't she? It felt like this… inevitable—inevitability… I thought that she'd be waiting, wherever she is…” The threat that Elaine posed had been the only one on her mind, and Max was beginning to feel foolish for feeling as though she had been onto something then.

“But it wasn't even her,” not that she felt that anything should have happened at all, merely that it would. “Some French group said they did it, didn't they? They're the reason he's dead.” It hadn't been Elaine. Some people from France—without names or faces, as far as Max was concerned—were responsible.

“And…” Max became quiet again, hoping that, if she got quiet enough, only she would be able to hear what she was saying. “I'll never be able to tell him how guilty I feel for ever wanting to be dead.” Could she call it “survivor's guilt” if she hadn't been there on the Durmstrang Ship when it had exploded? She didn't think that she could, yet that was how it had felt. “I got a second chance to live thanks to a girl who isn't even my friend,” she said, trying to work her way through it all.

“W-We were family,” she said as tears began to fall from her eyes, “and I-I couldn't give him that.” All that she wanted was a chance to apologize for being so selfish. Otherwise, that made Theodosia Washington an even better person than she was.

@aaron

[Deleted]

When Max brought up her suicide attempt, Aaron had to look away. It had been shortly before he ran away to Brazil. He could still see her, laying there in that little bed in the Hospital Wing. They had all been there, hovering over Max. Aaron himself had been a basket case. That was the first time he had failed as an older brother. He hadn't even know something was wrong with Max. Of course, he barely knew her at the time, but that didn't change things in his mind. Elias had been there. The long-haired Durmstrang student had cried with the rest of them, and, in that moment, they were a family. It was the one thing Fenrir Greyback had ever done right. He had created a bond between people who otherwise never would've known each other.

He nodded fervently as Max described her conversation about the Triwizard Tournament. "I think the Ministry was afraid. I think they still are. The Triwizard Tournament was an opportunity for them to be in control again. This Elaine woman and her followers are still at large and no one knows what to do about them. No one can even find them. Would you believe that stories of the kidnappings made it all the way to Brazil. Castelobruxo even heightened its guard just in case the same thing happened over there." He paused, running his fingers through his hair. It was all so much to take it, and it killed him that it was affecting Max so strongly. Once again, he internally beat himself up for not being there for her and the others. Of course, he was no match for a terrorist threat, but he was supposed to be the glue that held their family together.

"I don't think anyone really knows what happened. Maybe it was a terrorist cell. Maybe it was Elaine framing a terrorist cell. I think everyone is just scared and willing to point fingers at the first reasonable answer. I don't think anyone really knows, and the uncertainty is getting to everyone," he said seriously. For the second time that morning, he pulled Max close, this time refusing to let her go. He knew all about guilt. He had been kicking himself ever since he got back to Hogsmeade. He felt with undying certainty that he could have prevented Elias's death if he had just been there. But there was no turning back time. All they could do was move forward. So Aaron held Max in his arms, the way he wished he had at the hospital, the way he wished he had the moment he heard of the explosion, the way he wished he had since he met the girl. "I think he knows," the man said softly, stroking Max's hair. "I think he knows, and he wouldn't want you to feel guilty. That's the pot calling the kettle black, but all we can do is build a better tomorrow. That's what Elias would want."

maxima ruqayyah greyback

[maxima ruqayyah greyback]

The news of the kidnappings had made it all the way to Castelobruxo in Brazil, Aaron said. Their security measures had increased, too. It wasn’t just Britain or—Britain and Ireland; it was everywhere. The fear that Elaine Dupree—or a copycat inspired by what she had done—would strike was everywhere. She hadn’t looked to find news out of France or Scandinavia, but she imagined that Beauxbatons and Durmstrang would be taking more precautions than ever. It must have been the same in North America, too, at Ilvermorny, if Castelobruxo was on high alert… Suddenly, Max began to feel very glad that her family subscribed only to the Daily Prophet. Simply imagining the coverage of the same tragedy from all around the world—and not having to see it on her kitchen table—was bad enough.

“I don't think anyone really knows what happened. Maybe it was a terrorist cell. Maybe it was Elaine framing a terrorist cell. I think everyone is just scared and willing to point fingers at the first reasonable answer. I don't think anyone really knows, and the uncertainty is getting to everyone.”

Max knew, deep down, that Aaron was right. She knew that she should have learned that the news that came within the first days of anything happened was usually inaccurate; that was what the Muggles said on the television whenever something tragic happened. The uncertainty was getting to her, too, and she relaxed against Aaron’s touch as he ran his hand against her hair. She cried harder, even though she didn’t want to, but listened as Aaron spoke to her.

“I think he knows,” he said. “I think he knows, and he wouldn't want you to feel guilty. That's the pot calling the kettle black, but all we can do is build a better tomorrow. That's what Elias would want.”

Elias had represented his school in a competition meant to symbolize international harmony, and, although maybe he hadn’t succeeded in winning, he hadn’t succumbed to the pressure of having thousands—perhaps even millions—of eyes on his every move for an entire school year. He was brave, Max realized, though she hadn’t ever thought of it as bravery when he was still alive. The explosions had to have been one of the worst attacks to affect Britain—not only in terms of casualties, but in terms of scale—since the Battle of Hogwarts, she thought.

“I-I want to help.” Saying something and actually being able to find something to do about it weren’t the same, and Max was aware of that. Announcing her intentions, though, was a start. Even if it was something simple, she knew that she had to start somewhere. She couldn’t think of a single person she knew who hadn’t been impacted by one large-scale tragedy or another, yet she didn’t want the victims to be forgotten. She didn’t want Elias to be forgotten, and she felt sick to her stomach at the thought that he might be misremembered solely because he was Fenrir Greyback’s son.

Thinking it over gave Max enough time to stop crying, though she didn’t remove herself from her place in Aaron’s arms. She knew that what she was going to say would sound ridiculous or too lofty for someone who wasn’t even sixteen, but it was the best idea she had. “Aaron,” she started, pulling herself away just enough to look up at him. ”Has anyone started a relief fund?” she asked. “For the victims?” As far as she knew, there were still people who were hospitalized; even magic wasn’t that quick. Those people would need to pay for their treatment, probably, and—if not—they would still need to go home or to bring their family members to them or to cover some costs for something. “It could be in Elias’s name.”

@aaron

[Deleted]

It was all Aaron could do not to cry with Max as her tears intensified. All he could do was hold her close while she dealt with her own emotions; meanwhile, his demons swirled and danced inside him. But he couldn't let that show. He was the oldest. He was the leader of his little pack. He had to be strong, no matter the cost. So he held her and stroked her hair and murmured sweet nothings, just like his mother had when she was alive. So many times, he had woken up from a nightmare or come home from a hard day at school, and his mother had held him just as he was holding Max now, promising that everything would be okay. It was silly, he had always told her. She didn't know the future. But, somehow, she always did. Aaron had never been so grateful for his mother as he was now.

"Hm?" Aaron said, pulling away slightly. He had heard her, of course. But he didn't know how to respond to her statement. It was one often uttered by those who experience tragedy or any other strong emotion. He himself had often said that he wanted to help many a cause, particularly after he became the village stray dump. But that desire always seemed to go nowhere, fizzling out after a short while. But Max seemed determined, and Aaron raised an eyebrow at her next question. "No, I don't believe so," he said slowly, thinking over his words carefully. He didn't want to crush Max's hopes, but he wasn't entirely sure what a fifth year could do to raise enough money for all of the victims. There weren't many left alive from what he had read and heard, but there were funeral arrangements to be made, hospital bills to pay, and Merlin knew what other kind of fees. But he didn't voice any of that. Instead he smiled at Max and asked, "What did you have in mind?"

maxima ruqayyah greyback