Rita Skeeter Articles

[witch weekly]

Rita Skeeter is back from retirement! With her trust Quick Quotes Quill, Rita is going to be sniffing out all the gossip around Alohomora, from romance to hatred and everything in between. Her articles might sound like poppycock, but even the most salacious scoop has a grain of truth to it. Watch out, or you could be next!

(Note from the lore staff: We do not print retractions on any of the gossip articles! If you take issue in having your character gossiped about, please make sure they are under restricted on the publication claims.)

[witch weekly]

royal watch
@will , finn kylie nottingham , @lestrange , @susanvictoria , @lysander , @edmund , @lusie

The summer has begun, and things have sure been heating up for Britain's royal family! We've known for a long time now that the elder Windsor prince, William, is a bit of a womanizer, but we never thought he would take it this far! A source from within the castle tells us that he took a very special lady on a tour of the Windsor family estate... wonder if she saw the bedrooms, too? Not a single soul remembers when the prince's enigmatic sweetheart left the castle, but some think it might have been after dark. Despite his tryst with an unfamiliar face, William Windsor has also been spending quite a bit of time with someone whose name is not a stranger to these hallowed pages - Andromeda Lestrange. Source from the Ministry say she's a Longbottom now, but everyone knows that a past like hers isn't erased with a simple name change. The two have been seen going on several dates together. Is this a love triangle waiting to happen?

The other Windsor children haven't been quite as busy as big brother, but it does seem like love is in the air for Will's younger sister, Susan. She was seen walking the cobbled streets of Windsor with a young man wearing sunglasses. Some claim that her new beau is none other than Lysander Scamander, her former best friend. Susan, honey, you should know by now that stories like that only happen in fairy tales, and just because you're a princess doesn't mean you're going to get a happily ever after! I give it until the end of the summer before Scamander goes running off to America, just like his great-grandfather did.

As for the younger two Windors, Edmund and Lusitania (no wonder she goes by Lusie), it seems like Cupid is still waiting to strike them. Edmund is purportedly as prickly as a pear when it comes to passion, and he'd be lucky to find a girlfriend who can put up with his sharp tongue. Lusie has the opposite problem - she's sweet as sugar, and no one wants to corrupt the poor little thing. Chances are some Slytherin boy will come and sweep her off her feet with his brooding looks and rugged charm. Good luck to Mama Windsor!

[witch weekly]

ginny potter's secret life
Ginevra Molly Potter

If it was anyone else, Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter's love story might have been romantic. Humble beginnings as friends, a swift ascendance to power couple status, and then a sudden fall from grace with Harry's just-as-sudden disappearance. It sounds like the plot from a romance novel... but really, it's a cover up for something much more sinister.

It's no secret that Ginny Potter is a powerful witch, and has been since her Hogwarts days. However, what she chooses to do with that power is horribly misunderstood. While the Potter family (and history at large) would like you to believe that Ginny was a good soul, that's not the truth. Ginny had a horrible temper at Hogwarts, one that resulted in her cursing her fellow students on more than one occasion. Though Ginny was rightfully punished for these indiscretions, an obvious pattern was established; Ginny didn't get what she want, she got angry, and she lashed out in hopes of being able to bully her way into getting what she wanted. To this day, nothing has changed.

What did Ginny want this time? The answer is simple: she wanted a divorce. Over two years, Ginny developed an amorous connection with a Frenchman, first by writing letters and then by meeting in secret whenever she could steal a moment away from her family. This Frenchman happened to find himself in London quite a lot in the past year due to his work with the Triwizard Tournament, and the passion grew, and grew, until it reached a fever pitch. Ginny wanted to run away with her new lover, but that's not so easy to do when you're still married, and to one of the most powerful men in Britain, to boot.

When confronting her husband for a divorce, he obviously refused her, as men in love are wont to do. Ginny needed a different way to end her marriage, and since divorce wasn't an option, she turned her eyes to a different avenue of escape: becoming a widow. Ginny couldn't get her own hands dirty, of course - the spouse is always the first suspect in a murder case - so she asked her lover to do the task for her. But once Harry was out of the way, Ginny Potter wouldn't make good on her promise to run away with her new man.

A woman scorned is scary, but so is a man, and now Ginny's secret lover is taking his revenge. He is stepping out of the shadows and risking a life sentence in Azkaban in hopes of taking her down with him. A Monster Called Ginny, an anonymous tell-all, is scheduled to hit shelves in September, so keep your eyes open and your ears to the ground, or miss hearing the full story!

[witch weekly]

blishwick's blind dates!
jimbo brian blishwick vi

Let's face it: unless you're as beautiful and intelligent as I am, you're probably hopeless at love. Finding a significant other takes time and effort that most people don't have - which is why Jimbo Blishwick is a saint among men. Blishwick has spent his life carrying on his family legacy of spreading more love in the world, one couple at a time. Whether you're interested in finding "the One" or just having a fun night with someone you've never met before, Blishwick Matchmaking is the place to go! Jimbo has been running several rounds of blind dates to allow everyone to meet someone new while doing something interesting... and maybe finding love along the way. Visit Blishwick today!

This message was not sponsored by Blishwick Matchmaking. It is the unbiased opinion of the authoress herself.

[witch weekly]

cougar on the prowl
@hermionejean

Hermione Granger-Weasley has always been infatuated with the rich and famous. In her youth she seduced not only Harry Potter, renowned for his defeat of The Dark Lord, but also Viktor Krum, seeker for the National Bulgarian team. After the second Wizarding War she seemed to settle for marrying the sidekick of Famous Harry Potter, Ron Weasley.

It comes to no surprise that after finally becoming Minister of Magic, Hermione Granger-Weasley is no longer satisfied with her less famous husband and has filed for divorce. According to my sources at the Minister’s office the ink hasn’t even dried on the paperwork yet, but already Minister Granger-Weasley has set her sights on the visiting French diplomat Saeren Vox. Saeren Vox, the youngest appointed ambassador for the French Ministry of Magic, came to our country several months ago to organize a memorial for the fallen Beauxbaton students. Despite being twenty years his senior this fame obsessed witch has been making inappropriate advances on the diplomat, using her status as Minister to force her affections on the poor man. Meanwhile, Ron Weasley refused to comment on his divorce, but one of his clerks let me know that the former Mr. Granger-Weasley has been quite absent from the shop ever since his divorce, causing a drop in profits by over fifty present and spending the rest of their profit on booze and gambling. Another victim to the witch known as Hermione Granger. I can only hope that Ambassador Vox gets out before it’s too late and he too falls victim to her relentless fame seeking schemes.

[witch weekly]

abuse of fame
Zacharias Smith

It takes a special sort of person to survive the spotlight of fame and fortune without it going to your head. Unfortunately all too often we see these formerly great stars crash and burn. The fame goes to their head. This is sadly the truth with many famous individuals, such as Harry Potter. But today isn’t about the boy-who-lived. It’s about a young woman, star struck by a famous Quidditch player, who abandoned her once he’d had his fill.

Seventeen years ago, Zacharias Smith was at the height of his game. Chaser for the Ballycastle Bats, he was known for his trick plays that were used to confuse and disorient the opposing teams. Our story though is not his climb to fame. But rather, what he did with that fame when he visited the United States for a scrimmage game.

Yours truly was recently approached by a beautiful woman with a horrible tale of emotional abuse and abandonment. And at the middle of this scandal is Zacharias Smith. Several years his junior, this woman, whose identity shall remain nameless for her privacy, was charmed by Smith, who flaunted his Quidditch fame and wealth, and she was soon expecting his child. Her dreams of a future with Smith were soon dashed when she discovered Smith was married to another woman. Smith, to keep his name clear of scandals, bought the woman’s silence, preying on her growing motherly instincts to provide for her unborn child. For years Smith dangled this threat over her head, he promised financial support for the child as long as she stayed quiet.

But now Smith’s threats mean little. This brave woman, at her own expense has shared her story with me to share with the world the vile actions of Zacharias Smith. She hopes that by sharing her tale, she will help save other women from falling for his terrible schemes and abusive actions.

[witch weekly]

young love or young lust
scorpius hyperion malfoy and camila calderón

I, Rita Skeeter, have taken it upon myself to puncture even the most inflated of egos with my Quick Quotes Quill, and I’m not about to stop now. So let’s dive in, shall we?

scorpius hyperion malfoy and camila calderón were spotted getting hot and heavy after getting off on the wrong foot in Club Indigo. Every witch and wizard over the age of 14 knows that you don’t go to that place unless you don’t want to spend your night alone. And worse yet, they arrived well before the crowds. That means ample viewing and drinking time. Sadly, Camila seemed to be drinking soda only, but who knows what could be slipped into her drink. My source says that they disappeared for an hour before returning to the bar looking distinctly disheveled. Readers, would we call this young love or young lust?

Scorpius, a member of the infamous Malfoy family, is a trainee healer and determined to turn the family name around. Camila, a foreign beauty from Argentina, may be looking for a way to tango into Mr Malfoy’s heart and his family’s notoriety.

written by mod ana