we dream of better days | tamara

[Deleted]

i am my own.

THE FINCH HOUSE WAS FILLED WITH NOISE, AND on any other day, this would have irked Tia. However, on this particular day, she tolerated it. And secretly, perhaps, she even enjoyed it. Though she did don a hefty scowl when under scrutiny, for the purpose of consistency.

It was her brother, RJ's, 19th birthday. The house hung with garlands and helium filled balloons. Tia had spent a great amount of time batting at them, pretending not to laugh while her sister stole away the stragglers and inhaled the fumes until her voice turned funny. Truly, Tia didn't see the importance of the great celebration. She thought it just made her brothers head a bit too large. And she told him as much, with great feeling.

"Lets switch clothes!" Tia said, snatching the deflated balloon from her sisters hands and discarding it unceremoniously. "It'll be funny." The girls were almost 13, and yet their mum still insisted they wear matching dresses in 'corresponding colours'. Tia had grown quite sick of it, plus she always thought Tam looked better somehow. They hung better on her, she had better posture.

Twisting her hand around the back of her head, she ripped the blue bow from her hair, tossing it at her sisters chest. "Hurry then!" It was a game they had often played growing up. First, just for fun. And eventually, Tia started calling it an 'experiment'. To test their parents devotion and instincts. Most of the time they got caught. Tia didn't know how to smile on cue, her lips forming a unnatural grimace when she tried.

"I'll give you two galleons if you call RJ an arse." Tia added, snickering as she zipped up her sisters pretty white dress, her pale taupe sash a little tight around Tia's waist as she retied it sloppily. "Five if you do it with feeling." Ever since RJ had joined the army Tia's relationship with him had taken a sharp turn. She often found herself nipping at his ankles. Sometimes he rebounded with style, other times they argued viciously. It was only natural she tried the same tactics even when wearing her sisters shoes. 

@tamara

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Deleted]

MAY 2018

It was early summer of 2018, and the Finch sisters had returned from Hogwarts not that long ago, luckily in time to celebrate their brother’s birthday. Sure, his birthday was a few months prior, it was just his luck that he had returned during the Summer season to be with his family for a few more months before he shipped out again, allowing him to finally celebrate his birthday as well as Tia and Tamara’s thirteenth birthday that was due in June. The house was filled to the brim with garlands and balloons that littered most of the downstairs, but it didn’t stop Tamara from stealing a few of them and sneaking them away so that she could suck the helium out and show off the sound of her weird voice. Giggles erupted from the young thirteen-year-old, at least, until Tia came grabbing things from her own hands and wanting to switch clothes to be funny. The twin’s mother still enjoyed dressing them in corresponding colored outfits, something that Tamara knew that Tia hated, but she didn’t mind it. She didn’t like wearing dresses all the time, but luckily, they had more freedom when they went away to Hogwarts.

“Fine—fine!” she exclaimed, her voice still sounding different due to the helium still in her system. Tamara reacted quickly when a blue bow that came for her chest catching it as she pulled out her own white colored one from her own hair, pulling out a few strands of hair as she did so. She grimaced as she handed it over and started taking the dress off, slipping it off her body to reveal her training bra and matching panties. Tamara had yet, but they had begun to appear, thus, the need for a training bra. The two sisters traded dresses, quickly getting dressed and quickly started tying the little sash around their waist and returning the bows to their previous place. All the while, Tia was daring her to call their brother an arse, and her eyes widened, “But—one of us will get in trouble. And if we succeed in pretending to be each other, that person will be you. Plus—you know I suck at spitting out the words, I stutter over them all the time,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

[Deleted]

i am my own.

TUGGING AT THE HEM OF TAMARA'S DRESS, TIA made a sour face at her sister. Tam used to be more fun, or rather more invested in Tia's ploys. Now that they were at Hogwarts their opinions had begun to clash at times. Tia hadn't said as much out loud, but she was clinging to the closeness that had made them virtually identical growing up. She didn't feel so similar any more.

"That's just how it is anyways." Tia sniffed. Her sister was by far the 'easy' child of the two. Tia always found something worth disagreeing about. From the way they were dressed, to the colour their mum repainted the living room and the fit of their robes. She was 'opinionated'. Which was never said as fondly as Tia wished it were. "When was the last time you were grounded?" The answer to that question for Tia was the day before their party.

Leaning over, Tia carefully folded her socks over like Tam had, ever the perfectionist, and leaned over to tug her sister's up her leg crookedly, ruining the look she had once perfected. "Just... huff a lot and make that face I make." Tia said, thinking about the amount of times she had been asked to 'smile' in her day. "Look... I'm you." She spun in a slow circle with her hands on her hips, a caricature of a smile on her face. Too much teeth and not enough lip.

"Perfect, right?" Tia teased, just as the door to their room swung open with a halfhearted knock. It was on the tip of Tia's tongue to berate her brother about privacy when he entered, slouched against the frame. Biting her tongue, Tia watched RJ look between the girls as if in thought. "Tam, mum asked if you still want to help ice the cake." RJ asked, looking straight at Tia. RJ was already turning around to leave when Tia skipped along behind him, turning to shoot her sister a pinched look of triumph. An expression that truly read 'let the games begin'. 

@tamara

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Deleted]

@tia

While the twins were the same height and somewhat the same build, Tamara felt like she was constricted within her sister’s dress. At moments she would randomly tug at the hem as if it were too short then proceed to pull it up in the front. There was no winning with the dress that belonged to her sister, and as long as she was able to get through the celebration without giving herself away as her sister, or at least until they were caught – then it was a job well done in her mind. When Tia sniffled out a response to her saying that, her sister would be the one to get in trouble, her head bowed. Tamara hated that she seemed to get away with more than her sister did as if she were to do no wrong. Her sister followed up her words with a question, one that stumped the young brunette. Frowning deeply, she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, “I have no clue,” she said in a defeated tone.

A small giggle left her lips, “No offense – but huffing and making faces is not as easy as it sounds,” she huffed out, it sounding off and so fake. Her sister, however, was quick to plaster on a smile that was almost like Tamara’s, but a hint of offness appeared within in. She didn’t comment on it though, nor did she have time to before their elder brother appeared in the doorway after an almost non-existent knock upon the door. The moment he spoke to her, she almost opened her mouth to speak but remembered instantly what was happening. As her sister shot after her brother, a look of triumph on her face, she almost growled. Had Tia wanted to switch places because she desired to help ice the cake? She began to pout and instantly huffed as she stormed out of the room behind them.

Maybe the anger she felt right now for being scammed out of her favorite thing to do could fuel her ability to huff, puff, and blow this stupid house down.

[Deleted]

i am my own.

TAM COULD NOT ANSWER TIA BECAUSE SHE KNEW that it was far off in the distance that just pinpointing it would prove Tia's point. Or, so she thought at least. It was all very unfair as far as she was concerned. So what if she was quite to answer back, she had always been taught to ask questions and be curious. Or, so her dad had said. But only when it suited her parents and her brother apparently. "Ex-actly," Tia strained, chin squared as she shot her sister a satisfied look.

"Put a bit more welly in to it," Tia snickered, shaking her head at her sisters lame attempt at impersonating her. This was always more of Tia's game these days, but her sister was too nice to refuse. Tia sort of knew that, and it was probably wrong of her to take advantage of this knowledge but it was very hard to keep track of what was right and wrong when she got in to one of her little moods.

RJ's arrival stopped Tia from feeling guilty. She was heading out of the door with that same stupid grin before Tamara could change her mind. The plan was already in motion and the clock was ticking down before they were discovered. Tia was too busy calculating her own bets on how long it would last when RJ gently ruffled her hair, a very different greeting then she usually got as herself. RJ usually tugged on the ends of her hair. It was quite jarring to be affectionately muddled. She didn't usually like it.

"What?" She said, almost scowling before she remembered her game. Instead she flattened her face and looked up, smoothing the crown of her head down again. RJ's mouth twisted but he continued, casting a quick look over his shoulder.

"How is she?" He asked, jerking his chin to motion behind him where Tam was skulking by the door frame, doing a very good impression of Tia surprisingly. "What do you mean?" Tia asked, sweetening her voice from defensive to curious at the very last second. "I mean, d'you think she'll actually talk to me today?" RJ laughed like it was nothing and she supposed it wasn't from his perspective. Tia often struggled to find anything to say to her brother. She'd graduated from critical judgements in the form of barbed insults to a steely silence lately. Hearing RJ laugh about it made Tia feel hot and silly.

"I'd watch out." She said, turning her head away to hide the scowl that was pulling down the corners of her mouth. "She's feeling especially difficult today." This was of course an exaggeration, but Tia just wanted her sister to squirm a bit. "I think I heard her say something nasty about squadrons and how soldiers were cowards... or something." Shrugging, she made it seem rather small, which she thought was something her sister might do. In reality it was often the root of all RJ and Tia's fights. His choice of career and her disapproval.

They had reached the end of the hallway by that point and Tia bounced down the stairs in front of RJ, leaving the grenade she had just thrown at the top of the stairs behind her. Down the stairs she flounced, fluttering the end of her skirt in a great theatrical spectacle. This was a bit overly dramatic for Tamara, but Tia figured she might as well go all out while she was at it. "I heard there's a cake waiting to be iced," Tia sang, leaning against the door frame.

The next part she was dreading as her father hooked an arm around her shoulders and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "Well, don't you look like a proper little princess," Said her dad, and Tia pretended to blush as she dropped her head. In reality she had never been much for so much affection. She only hugged people when their pet died or she was feeling a bit lonely. Her mum was holding out a bowl filled with royal white icing when she turned to her.

"I thought you'd like to drip." She announced and Tia's cheeks were already aching when she grabbed the bowl from her mum. The cake was roughly iced, sitting on a platform on a lipped tray. "I just dump it?" Tia asked, unsure as she licked a piece of sweet sugar from the tip of her thumb. "You know what to do." Her mum laughed, poking her thumb in to her side so that Tia bent away, dipping her head to hide the slight frown on her face. She never baked with her mum, that was Tamara's hobby. But, she was still determined to make a go of it as she took a deep breath, looked up at her mum's thin, encouraging face before she upturned the bowl over the top of the cake.

The icing dropped out so fast it make a divot in the top of the two tiered cake and Tia could hear her mum gasp in shock. "No!" She exclaimed and Tia jumped, her mood souring as she dropped the bowl instinctively. It slapped on top of the cake and a great slew of royal icing exploded all over the kitchen and Tia, not to mention her mother. Tia's eyes squeezed shut and she felt her heart sink. She'd mucked it all up already and Tam hadn't even entered the room.

"What're you playing at?!" Her mum snapped in surprise, and Tia opened her eyes to see the sugary carnage she'd caused. It was everywhere. The counters, her father sitting opposite them and the cake... the bowl had crushed the entire top tier. "I... I was just... I dumped it, like you said." Tia replied, though her usual surety had since fled. Her mother was still shocked, the whole front of her pretty floral apron dotted in white. After a second she seemed to deflate as she gathered up her expression. "Oh, Tamara..." She whispered, with a foreign mixture of softness and sadness. Tia hadn't heard that kind of tone directed at her. At least, not without a heavy dose of disappointment added in. 

@tamara

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Deleted]

@tia

Pretending to be Tia was extremely hard for the soft young girl, though it seemed that Tia had no problem playing the part of the other twin. Tamara barely noticed the ‘horrible’ side of Tia that many people saw, the uncaring side and the person that she portrayed herself to be. Tamara saw her sister in a light that people barely noticed, that Tia hid from them. Tamara felt that she knew the real Tia, and didn’t want to act like the mask that she showed the world. “Put a bit more welly into it,” said Tamara in a mocking tone, her voice going up in an annoying tone as she wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue. Tamara felt fear, however, when her sister followed after their elder brother. If Tia went to help their mother with the cake, something terrible would happen – Tamara hoped that she would be discovered before the destruction came to pass.

Tamara followed behind a few seconds, a fake scowl on her face and a wrinkle on her nose, arms crossed over her chest as she kicked at the ground. She could tell that her sister and brother were talking, about what she didn’t know. Instead, she played the part of her sister and moved slowly behind them. It was seconds later that Tia bound down the steps, putting a perk in her step and acting a little extreme. Tamara followed behind but was stopped by RJ who stood at the top of the steps, he was looking at her, and she kept the scowl on her face. However, he didn’t like that and quickly pushed his fingers against the side of her mouth, forcing her to smile. It was an awkward smile, and it took so much out of her not to give in and giggle, she was Tia after all. He huffed, ‘See—if you just smiled, you’d look extra pretty,’ he said with a mischievous smirk on his face. And then he did it, his fingers came out and started tickling her sides – a place that would never get Tia to laugh like it did Tamara. She began squirming away, fueling her anger within her and letting it overrun her. She was Tia…She was fucking Tia!

“You ARSE! Stop it!” she yelled as she finally got away, his eyes went wide as he heard her speak. Had Tia ever called him an ass? Had could Tamara have ever done such a thing! Her own eyes widened, ‘What did you just call me?’ questioned her brother and quickly she bit her lip, shaking her head and stormed down the steps. Tamara felt tears fill her eyes, but she didn’t let them out as she stormed into the kitchen – just in time to see Tia dumping the icing on top of the cake. “Ti—!” yelled Tamara, but it was too late. Their mother was already furious, but she slowly softened as she spoke Tamara’s name. Tamara didn’t want to do this anymore, already feeling empty inside of her. She quickly sat down at the table her father sat at and thrust her head into her arms as she laid them against the table. She took deep breaths, willing herself not to cry for being so rude.

[Deleted]

i am my own.

COVERED IN RUNNY ICING AND CRINGING FROM her own stupidity, Tia backed away from the counter and looked up just in time to see Tamara's stricken expression. She'd witnessed it all then, Tia thought. And surely it would look like she'd done it on purpose. She blinked, her eyes beginning to sting as she felt an almighty regret at having suggested they play the game in the first place. It wasn't as fun any more. She didn't apologise, not like Tam would. There was something about the difference in her mother's tone that soured inside of Tia. Because suddenly she realised, when Tam made a mistake, it was an accident. If they'd known it was Tia, it would have been an act of defiance.

Reaching up, Tia tore her sisters bow from the back of her head angrily and stomped towards her where she leaned on the counter. "Here," She snapped, tossing it at her head as she rounded the corner  of the  kitchen and stormed out of the room. Behind her she could hear her mum calling out the wrong name, soft and pleading like it might work. It would have, if it had really been Tam. "I'm not playing any more." She exited the kitchen swiftly and stumbled right in to RJ's chest. He grabbed her shoulders, a look of confusion on his face until he got a good look at Tia and joined the dots long before their mum and dad ever would. He knew Tia's scowling, serious face when she showed it.

"You're an arse." She said slowly, menacingly, leaning forward as if to get in her brother's face. She hadn't known that Tamara had succeeded in her task of calling him as much, and had taken it upon herself to complete it all on her own. If you wanted something done right... She pushed past her brother before he could say another word, stomping back up the stairs with every intention of staying there until school started up again. 

@tamara

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Deleted]

@tia

The entire situation had gone to shit in seconds, and it was quickly noted that Tia had given up rather quickly, ripping the bow from her head and thrusting it at Tamara. Their mother called after her, unsure what was going on but promptly Tamara stood to her full height and looked at her mother. She swallowed, “I’m Tamara, mum,” she breathed out softly but quickly spun on her heels and ran after her sister, not listening to her mother speaking to her as she did so. She ran up the steps, skipping a few at a time as she ran after her sister. “Tia! Tia wait!” she called after her, noticing that she had run into their brother before making her way towards her room.

By the time, Tamara caught up to her sister, she almost had the door slammed in her face, but luckily she was able to slip inside and listen to the door click behind her. “Tia—calm down, please,” she breathed out, their game long forgotten as Tamara wanted to comfort her sister’s anger. She was giddy to tell her sister that she had done her part, called RJ an arse, but that was long forgotten as she stared at her angry sister.

“Let’s get you cleaned up…hm?” she questioned as she moved closer towards her sister, heading towards the wardrobe that held some of her sister’s things. “Screw matching,” she added, attempting to cheer her sister up with the curse words that Tamara would never dare say.

[Deleted]

i am my own.

TIA HAD BEEN HOPING FOR THE SATISFYING sound of her bedroom door slamming behind her, but was sorely disappointed when she turned and seen Tamara catching it, slipping inside so that it clicked gently in to place. She turned away from her sister, throwing herself face first on to her bed and groaning loudly. "Go away," She muttered in to her covers, but there was no force behind her tone of voice. She clutched handfuls of her duvet, messing up the carefully tucked corners as she kicked her legs.

As always, Tamara's first instinct was to fix things, but it only frustrated Tia more as she turned on the bed, watching Tia approach her wardrobe and quietly rifle through the contents. The only thing that stopped Tia from lashing out again was the way her sister said 'screw it' to matching. Tia rubbed her nose and sat up slowly, she tugged at the soft fabric of her dress half hoping it would tear.

"This day is awful," Tia muttered grumpily, kicking off her buckled Mary Jane's. "I was just trying to have some fun." It wasn't like Tia to explain herself, but she hadn't meant to make such a mess. Tia knew her parent's wouldn't think the same. Nor would RJ, if her attitude had anything to say about it. "Why do I always make a big mess of everything?" There was sticky splatters of icing on her cheeks and neck, matting the ends of her curled hair. Proof of just how painfully true this was on this particular day. 

@tamara

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Deleted]

@tia

Tamara wasn’t surprised that her sister wanted for her to leave her alone, and yet, Tamara was never one to listen to her dear sister. She felt terrible that she had gotten Tia into this mess, maybe if she had warned her about making the cake with mum and telling her just what to do would have helped to avoid this and allow the game to go on longer, but that wasn’t the case. Hell, the reaction that mum and dad gave to Tia when she made the mess downstairs was something that Tamara would have never received, and sometimes, the young girl didn’t even realize just unfairly the two twins were treated. Tamara, treated with kindness, while Tia was punished for a simple mistake that evoked anger out of her mother.

Tamara was half expecting to get yelled at and sent on her way out the door, but her sister did no such thing, instead of tugging at the fabric of her clothing and kicking off her shoes as Tamara returned to the bed. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Tia…I know you were trying to have fun,” she whispered, her half-developed maternal nature showing. Even though Tia was older, Tamara always felt like she needed to protect her sister from the outside world while striving to be just like her. Tamara enjoyed the switching places because she got the taste of something different, though their parents always caught on before punishment was brought down upon her.

She shook her head, “I don’t think you always make a mess of everything. I should have warned you what I had planned with mum. Maybe I could have taught you how to perfect the cake,” she said with a soft smile as she walked over and grabbed the brush, moving behind her sister and grasping her hair, taking the little bow out, and started brushing out the crusty icing that had started to dry. “Mum shouldn’t have reacted the way she had thought…I’m sorry,” she brushed through the hair, trying to be gentle when she reached some knots and the dried icing that fell onto the bed between them when it broke free from the strands of dark locks.

[Deleted]

i am my own.

WHILE TIA'S TEMPER RAGING ON, TAMARA'S presence was like a soothing wave over every great rush. Sometimes, Tia resented her sister for her ability to fix things. That's what she was, a certified fixer. She'd come in to Tia's room and in moments had rustled up a solution to her terrible mood. Or, a supposed one. Tia had yet to decide if it would work or not, but she'd stopped seething, at least.

"That'd have been a laugh," Tia snorted, rubbing at her red nose. "Mum would've died when she found out it was me." There was the beginning of a smile in the corner of her mouth and she shook her head roughly to lose it. Because that wasn't how it had turned out. "I'm going to wear my dungaree's," Tia declared, ripping her dress over her head and pushing Tamara out of her way as she pulled the denim set from its hanger. The hanger fell on the floor, but she didn't pick it up as she stepped in to her new outfit.

Almost content to change and leave in silence, Tia reluctantly turned to her sister hesitantly as she pulled on a little red striped t-shirt and shimmied in to the denim arms of her dungaree's. "You can... do my hair if you want..." She mumbled, despite the fact that she hated her hair being fussed with and always preferred to tie it back in a pony tail instead. But, it was her way of thanking in her sister for coming to find her. For being there and stopping Tia from having a full meltdown. She didn't say thank you, but that's what she meant.

[END?]

@tamara

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!