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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 15, 2018 11:20:48 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2018 11:20:48 GMT -7
Her reaction to him saying that he was the worst was instantaneous. He didn’t want her to try to make him feel better. He didn’t feel like he deserved to feel better. He was an angsty teenager whose parents put him in a tough spot and made him feel like he no longer had control over his own life. A part of him wondered if he ever really had control over his own life. Maybe this was always going to happen, no matter who he dated or what he did. It was true what she said. He didn’t know this was going to happen; but in a small part of his mind he did wonder if he knew that this was going to happen. Things were too good to be true with Kinsey, something had to get in the way of that, right? He always knew that it was a possibility. He knew that his parents sometimes slipped ‘arranged marriage’ into conversation, but he always thought it was a scare tactic, he never thought it would actually come to be. But here it was.
“Whatever you say, Kins.” he gave in, feeling utterly defeated in just about every aspect of his life. How could he be a good person after what he had done to her? How could she still like him even though he didn’t even have the courage to stand up to his parents and defend her honor? She then turned the question around on him. Was there anything that he wanted to tell her? Honestly, there was so much he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and that everything would be okay, but he didn’t know that was going to be the case. In terms of what she was asking, he didn’t have anything to tell her. “No I don’t. If I do I’ll let you know, though. I won’t keep anything from you.” he promised.
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 15, 2018 17:07:30 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2018 17:07:30 GMT -7
Kinsey could tell from Riley's tone of voice that he didn't really believe what she was saying. She wasn't very surprised. She was pretty sure that he felt pretty guilty about breaking up with her in the first place, which she wanted to say was ridiculous, but it wasn't. If she'd ended up breaking up with him over the summer because of everything that happened with Dustin, Kinsey was entirely positive that she would have felt entirely to blame. She nodded, slowly reaching over and taking his hand. That was innocent enough, wasn't it? She didn't know, but Kinsey wanted to try and reassure him if she could. One last time before dropping it. She squeezed his hand, "I'm not mad at you. I mean it, Riley." Kinsey's voice was soft, but firm. She couldn't bear the thought of him beating himself down because of her. "I think I kind of understand the pressure you're under and the last thing I want is to cause problems or to make you feel bad." She glanced down to their hands and realized it suddenly didn't feel innocent anymore. Why did conversations with Riley always have to be so serious? Couldn't they ever just have fun anymore? She lowered their hands and let go of his, pulling her own back to her lap slowly without looking back up to him. She nodded when he said that he wouldn't keep anything from her.
She should leave. Kinsey knew that. She knew that sitting here with the man of her dreams in their spot likely wasn't a good idea, that she should return to the common room and study or something, but she didn't want to leave him. Her moments with him were so fleeting anyway. Did she really have to leave so quickly. She glanced back up at Riley and smiled, "So how are your classes going?" Kinsey wasn't trying to make him talk about anything he didn't want to, but she did want to hear his voice. She also wanted to see him smile and was trying to come up with something that might get him to laugh, but at the moment she was coming up blank.
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 17, 2018 11:42:20 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 11:42:20 GMT -7
It wasn’t that Riley didn’t believe Kinsey when she said that she wasn’t mad at him, or that he wasn’t the worst, so much as he didn’t agree with her. He could see that she meant what she was saying, but he almost didn’t want her to. A part of him wanted her to hate him, maybe because he thought that if she hated him, she wouldn’t be so upset about what happened and would have an easier time moving on with someone who deserved her and could make her happy. He couldn’t do that. He didn’t know why she still wanted to be friends with him and close to him while they couldn’t be together in the way that they both knew they wanted to be, but the fact that she did was even further proof that she was too good for him. She was such a good person. She was perfect in his eyes. And he was a monster.
She reached over and took his hand he let her, loving the feeling of touching her again. She always helped him to feel so reassured and confident. But this was slightly different, probably because he was forcing himself to feel like he wasn’t good enough for her to spare his own feelings. She suggested that she knew the kind of pressure that he was under. He didn’t want to say anything, but he didn’t know that she did. She couldn’t know what he suspected his family of being involved in. But, she likely did understand the family pressure as he knew that her family hadn’t liked him either. She took her hand back after a minute and he was kind of disappointed that she did, but she let her.
Riley felt the same desire to stay sitting where they were even though it didn’t seem like there was anything else to say. He had been so quiet and she had been so understanding. She then asked him how classes were and he felt his mouth twist into a smile almost as if little strings were pulling it up. It was such a silly question, but they were trying to be friends again, so he humored her. “Fine I suppose. Still getting used to all of the... Americans.” he admitted, the only face coming to mind when he thought of the Americans was Joe’s. “How are your classes going?” they were in most of them together, he knew, so it felt even sillier to ask when he already knew, but he wanted to keep talking to her. He didn’t want to go back to the common room and see Priscilla sitting here waiting for him.
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 17, 2018 17:16:49 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 17:16:49 GMT -7
He was so quiet. That was the main thing Kinsey noticed for the duration of the conversation. It almost felt like Riley was only talking when he felt like he had to, which made her feel a little guilty. Kinsey didn't want to force him to associate with her if he didn't want to and at the moment she felt like that was exactly what she was doing. But ... he said he wanted to be her friend, didn't he? He said that he wanted to be around her and not waste the friendship they created before. Didn't that mean...? Kinsey's thoughts couldn't settle.
Riley did nothing to encourage her when she held his hand- of course he didn't. He probably didn't want her to touch him, but was being too polite to say anything. He was engaged. Even if he wanted to kiss her like he'd said earlier, he was choosing to be with Priscilla. She was being selfish by staying here. Kinsey could hardly look at him as she started to feel guilty. She just wanted to be with him a little bit, to be near him in the way she could, but maybe she shouldn't.
She saw his almost automatic smile when she asked about his classes and it broke her heart. She wanted to see him happy, truly happy, not this forced acceptance of what was going on, but there was nothing she could do. She couldn't change Riley's situation or make anything better for him. She was probably just making it harder. She nodded when he said that he was getting used to the Americans and shrugged when he directed the question back at her. She should leave. Kinsey kept telling herself that, but she couldn't seem to force herself to rise to her feet. She didn't want to leave him. "Classes are going well. Kind of like always." She smiled, her mind flashing back to when she and Riley used to study together. "I'm getting better in crowds," Kinsey blurted, more to give herself a reason to stay. She should leave, but she didn't want to. She shrugged, "I just ... thought you might like to know that."
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 20, 2018 10:59:05 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2018 10:59:05 GMT -7
She didn’t hesitate answering his questions back to her. He looked at her and wondered if she was feeling the same way that he was. He wondered if she didn’t want to leave either so she was happy to just keep talking about things that didn’t really matter so they could stay sitting here and not have to go back to the castle and then back to their common room where they would basically have to pretend that there was nothing going on between them. There hardly was anything going on between them. But, everything was going on between them. Riley found himself entirely confused. She said that she was getting better in crowds and he smiled, “that’s great, how are you managing that? Is it something new you’re doing?” he asked her. He knew all about her abilities, he loved her for them, even if she had taken a while to tell him. He understood why she had, even if it had been a little hard knowing that she was keeping something from him. He knew that she just wanted to make sure that she could trust him. And through all of this, he had proven to her that she couldn’t. He should have just stayed away from her from the start, then she wouldn’t be heartbroken now. It would have been the best for her.
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 21, 2018 15:12:34 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2018 15:12:34 GMT -7
To her relief, Riley actually showed some interest when Kinsey said that she was getting better in crowds. He gave her a real smile and Kinsey felt herself relaxing a little. Things might not be even close to the way they were before but at least the two of them were starting to talk without that awkwardness. She smiled back at him, shrugging a little. "Well, at the very end of the summer I met this guy. He's an empath, so he can sense people's feelings and we started talking. He gave me a few ideas on how to learn to control my power instead of letting it control me. Also, I've been doing a bit of research this year about empaths and other abilities that are similar. I've found a few things from that." Kinsey looked out across the pond, feeling more comfortable explaining this to him than she expected. Maybe everything between them wasn't entirely different. "Basically, I'm trying to learn how to focus on my own intentions instead of those around me, but sometimes that gets exhausting, so when I have to I try to pick out the positive ones from the people around me. If I'm focused on one or two, then I don't get overwhelmed as easily." She chuckled, suddenly realizing that Riley might not have any idea what she was talking about. She turned back to him, trying to read his expression. "Am I making any sense? Or is that just a jumble of words?" Kinsey asked, not realizing that she leaned a little closer to him as she spoke.
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 15:56:30 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 15:56:30 GMT -7
She explained to him what she was doing to keep her ability in check and he nodded along with her. She had met a man who was an empath. Interesting. She hadn’t told him that, but he supposed he broke up with her before she could. That was his own fault. The last little bit of summer, between trying to navigate why his family had been acting weird, and then finally having Priscilla thrown at him, he hadn’t kept up with Kinsey too well, which he felt sorry for. He should have been with her every second and valued all of their time together. Oh well, it was too late to think like that. Right now he needed to focus on what she was telling him in this moment. “That’s incredible, Kinsey.” He said with a genuine smile and really meant his words. It made him feel a lot better that she was able to take care of herself a bit more. He knew that she wasn’t this super fragile creature, but he saw her that way. He still felt the deep desire to protect her. “I’m glad that’s been working out for you.” he added. He really wasn’t sure what else to say, he could feel that the conversation had already naturally drawn to a close, but yet both were still here. He didn’t want to be the first to get up. He didn’t really want her to be the first to get up either. “And how are… the family?” he asked her.
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 20:25:46 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 20:25:46 GMT -7
Riley was really smiling at her. That was the only thing Kinsey was really focused on when she told him about what was going on with her ability. He wasn't just smiling because he knew that's what she wanted him to do; he was happy for her. She nodded, "Me too. I was a bit worried to just start out doing it, but it helps when I'm physically close to people I know well," she gave a small smile, "Kind of like how being close to you and touching you helped me last year. Now I know why." Kinsey felt her cheeks warm, but tried to ignore that fact. It didn't matter how much she wished that she and Riley were still close that way. "Or the positive intentions really help too. It's not hard to find a good one and focus on that." Though personally, Kinsey preferred the physical proximity when she was looking for help outside of herself. She still wasn't very good at focusing on her own intentions, but she was looking into finding someone who could help her learn how to manage her ability, like Dan suggested.
She half expected Riley to get up and leave then. The conversation was all but over and surely he didn't just want to stay here and talk with her, right? Kinsey was the one who kept prolonging the conversation, at least that's how she saw it until Riley asked about her family. Kinsey shrugged her shoulders noncommittally, "The triplets are doing really well, as far as I know. I ... haven't really heard from the others much this year." Yes, Kinsey was being vague, but there was a reason for that. Diana disappeared mid-summer and Dustin and Kinsey had their huge argument around then two. Since then, the only contact Kinsey had with either was running into her sister at Hogsmeade the other month. They didn't really talk then either. Cara was ... well, Cara. She and Kinsey never got along. Still, she forced a smile in Riley's direction, trying to think of something else she could say to him. "Are you ... going home for Winter Break?" she asked, still not wanting to leave. She knew she couldn't prolong it forever, but the bell for curfew would probably ring any minute now. They could stay here until then, right?
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 20:35:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 20:35:40 GMT -7
She explained that she was glad it was working for her also and then added that being close to people she knew helped too, he knew that. And she brought up how he knew that. He nodded, trying not to make a big deal out of the blush spreading over her face or the fact that his heart was racing thinking about being close with her like he had once been. He still wanted to help her, especially if she needed him to, regardless of their current romantic state. “If we’re ever together, like walking between classes or anything, and you have an episode and need to be close to someone, you’re always welcome to grab onto me.” he told her, wanting to make himself extremely clear that he still wanted to be there for her and take care of her. He loved her. He wanted the best for her. “Anytime. I don’t care where we are or who’s with us. I mean that.” he added.
Riley wasn’t sure what possessed him to ask about her family. He knew she wouldn’t want to talk about them. And by no means did he expect her to ask about his family. Not that he wanted to talk about them either. She said that the twins were doing fine and he nodded his head, not pressing the subject any more. He didn’t want to ask about the others. He didn’t want to ask about Cara who hated him. He didn’t want to ask about Daina, partially because he still knew more about her than Kinsey did and he wasn’t ready to tell Kinsey any of that yet. “I’m going to stay at the castle, I think.” he said, for obvious reasons, he didn’t want to see his family. “What about you?” he asked.
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 20:49:52 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 20:49:52 GMT -7
Kinsey was so grateful that Riley didn't say anything about her red face. Maybe she was getting too used to being around Joe, expecting everyone to tease her like he did, but she wasn't going to bring that up. Kinsey stared up at Riley with wide, surprised eyes when he said that she could grab onto him if she needed to in the hallway. Did he really mean that? Kinsey was a little nervous that maybe she was just making this up and hearing what she wanted to, so she didn't say anything for a moment. Before she could say anything, Riley continued, telling her that he didn't care if people were there and that he really meant it. Kinsey smiled, "Thank you Riley. That-" she coughed to clear out her throat, which was suddenly tight, "that really means a lot to me." She wanted to lean over and give him a hug, but she couldn't. She didn't want to make things awkward again.
Riley didn't ask more questions about how her family was doing, which was definitely a relief to Kinsey. While she did want to tell him all about her fallout with Dustin, she didn't want to do that now. She didn't want to make Riley feel bad for doing what his family told him to when she basically chose him over Dustin. He didn't need to know that. What she didn't expect was for Riley to say that he was going to stay at the castle during Christmas break. "Really?" the word popped out, evidence of her surprise. "I-I was thinking about staying. I don't really want to deal with Cara or Diana," though she probably wouldn't come, "and the triplets will hardly notice if I'm not there." She knew her sisters loved her, but even if she went home, she would likely spent the entire vacation in her room. Who would notice the difference? She shrugged, trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, though to her it totally was.
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 20:57:24 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 20:57:24 GMT -7
Kinsey thanked him and then told him that it meant a lot to her. He simply nodded, he didn’t want it to be a big deal. He wanted to be there for her and he wanted her to let him. They were friends, so they should be comfortable acting as friends. He was sure that people wouldn’t really appreciate seeing them as friends, mostly, his sister or his fiancee, but he didn’t really care. He cared for Kinsey. And that was that. She then said that she didn’t want to go home for the holidays and deal with her older sisters, Riley didn’t blame her, they weren’t exactly the nicest of ladies, but, at least Cara seemed to be nice enough to her, most of the time. Diana was a wild card, he knew. “Yeah I don’t particularly want to deal with Lydia or my parents or brother either. And between us, i hope Priscilla decides to go home too. I could use some time away from her.” he admitted, his voice dropped a little quieter. He felt a little bad for saying so. He knew that this wasn’t necessarily Prissy’s fault. She hadn’t chosen him any more than he had chosen her. But still. He wanted time by himself in the castle. Especially if Kinsey was staying too.
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 21:05:58 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 21:05:58 GMT -7
Kinsey nodded, not particularly surprised when Riley told her that he didn't want to deal with his family. They were similar in that way, though she wondered if the strain between him and his family was because of his engagement. Kinsey couldn't really think of any other reason. Before she and Riley started dating last year, she knew that he had a good relationship with his family. At least, he had a good relationship with Lydia. She felt bad that she caused strain between them, even though Riley never came out and told her that. Her mouth fell open a tiny bit when he admitted that he wanted Priscilla to go home as well. "Are you ... going to tell her you're staying?" Kinsey asked, figuring that if he did, it was almost a guaranteed fact that Priscilla would stay at the school. Kinsey couldn't help but hope that Riley's answer to that would be no. She didn't want him to tell Priscilla. "Do you ... spend most of your time outside of classes with her?" Kinsey's voice was quiet, but she couldn't help but ask. She didn't look for Riley when they weren't in class because she didn't want to see him with Priscilla. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that," she added, looking away from him, back out to the pond and feeling very guilty that she made things awkward yet again. Why couldn't the two of them just talk?
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 21:18:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 21:18:19 GMT -7
Riley noticed that Kinsey’s mouth fell open a little bit when he admitted that he didn’t want Priscilla to stay at the castle with him. He wanted to be honest with her, with Kinsey that was. He wanted to be honest with Priscilla too, but he didn’t care so much about being honest with her, or if him being honest hurt her. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. But he wasn’t in the position to not hurt anyone. If he tried to make Priscilla happy he hurt Kinsey, if he tried to make Kinsey happy he hurt Priscilla (and his family) but he was starting to care less and less about hurting his family. They had hurt him and didn’t care a bit when they forced Priscilla on him. “I mean I think she’s going to figure it out. I reckon she’d want to make holiday plans.” he admitted with a sigh. He didn’t want to tell Priscilla either. “I might not say anything unless she brings it up, though.” he added.
Kinsey then asked if he spent most of his time outside of class with Priscilla. He didn’t really want to answer it, but only because he didn’t want her to be upset with the answer. “Not most of my time.” he shrugged a bit, “Quite a lot of it yeah, but I probably just just as much time in my dorm or hiding somewhere reading to avoid her and Lydia.” he admitted to her, he hadn’t told anyone that. What would people say if they heard he was hiding from his fiancee and sister?
@kinsey
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 21:30:12 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 21:30:12 GMT -7
Kinsey nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show when Riley admitted that Priscilla would probably find out, since she'd likely want to make plans with him over the holidays. Of course, that made complete sense. If he and Kinsey were still dating, she knew she would want to see him as often as she could. In fact, knowing that he was going to spend his vacation at the castle strengthened Kinsey's original plan. She wanted to see Riley and if Priscilla and Lydia weren't here, that would be even better. "Well, I hope that whatever happens, you get some good time to yourself," Kinsey answered, really meaning it. Then she snorted a little, adding, "I probably wouldn't bring it up unless you have to though," she teased, trying to lift some of the tension that was settling over them again, thanks to her.
Riley answered her question. It didn't surprise Kinsey, but she felt guilty. She needed to stop asking him such personal questions, because she had the feeling that Riley would tell her the answers, whether he really wanted to or not. He said that he spent as much time with her as he spent hiding from her and Lydia. Kinsey frowned, her sympathy for Riley deepening as their conversation continued. She shrugged, "If you ever need a hiding buddy ..." she started, pausing before continuing, "I'm here for you. Just like you are if I need help. I'll be there for you if you want me." Kinsey smiled, but it was hesitant. She was there and would stay there, but it was his choice whether or not she could be there for him.
@riley
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last online May 1, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -7
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Nov 24, 2018 21:39:11 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2018 21:39:11 GMT -7
Kinsey admitted that she hoped that he got some time to himself and he nodded, but he hadn’t really meant that. What he meant was that he just wanted time away from Priscilla. In fact, he didn’t want to be by himself. He wanted to be able to spend time with Kinsey. Like this. Like they were doing right now, but maybe in the daylight. And he didn’t want to have to worry about Priscilla seeing and then getting mad at him over it. He didn’t care if she saw that the two of them were together as friends, but he knew that she would get mad over it, and Riley didn’t want to have to deal with that. It annoyed him just to think about. “I’m sure it’ll work out somehow.” he shrugged. Even if Priscilla did stay for the holiday, he’d still manage some time alone...or… with Kinsey. Kinsey then told him that if he needed a hiding buddy she’d hide with him. He liked the idea of hiding with her. He liked the idea of getting to be alone with her. “Yeah I’d really like that.” he agreed as the bell in the close tower chimed. It was curfew, and while Riley didn’t care if he got caught. He didn’t want Kinsey to get in trouble because of him. “Want me to walk you back to the common room?” he asked, standing up. He didn’t want her to feel pressured to accept his invitation, if she wanted to stay out a while longer or whatever, of course she was welcome to. But he’d be more than happy to see her safely to their common room.
@kinsey
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