Never Was a Cornflake Girl (Kinsey)

[parvati patil macmillan]

It was always worrisome to hear that a student—especially one who was ordinarily studious—was suddenly neglecting their schoolwork and classes. The last few months of the seventh year, especially, weren't the best time for that; even students who couldn't have cared one bit about their studies the rest of the time generally figured out that their NEWTs were rather important. Good students, though, didn't seemingly drop everything without reason, and Parvati had heard that that was the case with Kinsey Bainbridge. The girl was a Ravenclaw, too, which made it slightly more concerning on principle.

Being that Kinsey wasn't a Gryffindor, Parvati hadn't spent as much time around her, though she knew the name and face. It was only by chance, however, that Parvati managed to catch sight of the girl in the corridor, just a few steps from her office. Kinsey's appearance was more disheveled than Parvati could recall having seen it look before: Her hair and clothes were far less tidy than they should have been, and she looked as though she hadn't been sleeping well, if she had been sleeping at all.

"…Kinsey?" Parvati walked the length between herself and the Ravenclaw to keep from calling after her from too much of a distance, bracelets clinking against her wrist as she moved. Her voice was soft, as casual as she could make it to keep from drawing too much attention to the situation. She didn't want to startle the young woman too badly, nor did she want to have to track her down afterwards if she could avoid it. Given that Kinsey was already missing classes, Parvati assumed that it wouldn't be as simple as learning the Ravenclaw's schedule to find her again. "May I see you in my office for a moment, please?"

@kinsey

[Deleted]

The last few weeks were the most miserable of Kinsey Bainbridge's life, which was saying something. Last fall, her boyfriend broke up with her because his parents betrothed him to some pureblood girl. Before that, she'd known almost constant misery, dealing with a bully she'd had since the first year of school, but this was worse. Much worse. The nightmares seemed to be taking over her life. They messed with her perceptions of those around her, especially the people she was close to. The thing was, her nightmares were so lifelike that she hardly knew when she was in one verses when she wasn't. 

Now-a-days she generally walked around in a stupor. She did her schoolwork, but it wasn't the same quality as the work last term. She didn't care half as much. She knew she looked messy and tired, but she didn't care about that either. She was exhausted. She wanted to sleep, but every night she didn't have the nightmares, she worried about them. Then, when she did have the nightmare, she was trapped in it until some random time during the day. 

She jumped when she heard a voice calling to her gently, turning to see the school counselor, Madam Macmillan, approaching her. Kinsey resisted the urge to sigh. She didn't want to talk to the woman. If she wanted to talk to anyone about this, it was Toby, but ... she was starting to believe the nightmares about him too. Madam Macmillan invited her to the counselor's office, but it wasn't really a question and Kinsey knew she didn't have a choice. She nodded, but didn't say anything as she turned to walk in. What, was this a new part of her nightmares? Being tormented by teachers as well now? She walked into the office and sat on a chair, looking down at the floor. She really did not want to be here. 

parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

Kinsey said nothing at all as they walked back down the corridor and into the office. It was one of those things that was neither inherently positive nor inherently negative, though Kinsey sat down upon entering.

Parvati shut the door behind herself after stepping inside and took up her wand, pointing it in the direction of the door. "Muffliato," she spoke quickly before doing anything more. She'd had some incense burning earlier, though the scent of it had since faded a little. "I'm sorry if I frightened you. You're not in trouble," she apologized to Kinsey softly as she shifted her desk chair so that it was facing in Kinsey's direction. The Ravenclaw was looking at the floor.

"I've heard that you haven't been attending lessons lately," Parvati stated calmly as she seated herself, wanting Kinsey to know why she had pulled her into her office with such little warning. "And I want you to know that I'm here to listen if there's anything going on." She had no plans, in other words, to make things worse for Kinsey, and she wanted to make that known. "How are you feeling?"

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Kinsey didn't look up as she heard Madam Macmillan close the door and mutter a spell under her breath. Okay, apparently she didn't want anyone listening in on the conversation. The idea of that was laughable. No one cared about Kinsey Bainbridge. Not Riley Fudge, not Tobias Watkins, her own family (namely Dustin, Diana and Cara), nor anyone else she'd put her trust in over the last several years. No one except Joe and he didn't need to listen on the other side of doors to talk to her. Him, she would talk to in person. 

The woman started talking, apologizing for possibly frightening Kinsey and telling her she wasn't in trouble. Kinsey gave no response whatsoever, not even blinking at the words. She wouldn't care even if she was in trouble. Nothing could be worse than her nightmares. They couldn't do anything to her while she was awake that could even compare. The idea of asking for help didn't even occur to her either. 

Madam Macmillan continued to explain that she'd heard Kinsey wasn't attending her lessons lately. Ha. That was the least of Kinsey's worries at the moment. She was still doing her assignments, though they were often turned in late and poorly done, but at least that was better than nothing. She almost laughed, but held it in, deciding that wasn't an appropriate response to the woman's supposed concern, especially when moments later she was saying that she was here to listen to anything going on. What was Kinsey supposed to say to that? "I'm having nightmares that last all night long and into the day and I can't tell what's real and what's not anymore and I think I might be going crazy?" No thanks, she'd keep that to herself. 

Then a question. Eyes still on the floor, Kinsey shrugged noncommittally. She felt like crap, just the way she looked. She felt like she was going to explode from all the sorrow and confusion that consumed her now, waking and sleeping. She felt exhausted, like there was no way she could ever get the energy she needed to make it through her last year of school. Beyond that, well, she honestly just didn't care, about anything. She'd lost the will to do even that, but no one would be able to make her admit that.

parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

Parvati's comments and question were met with silence. It was times like that that almost made her wish that she were a Legilimens, though it also seemed too invasive to just get inside other people's heads without their consent. Still, she waited, watching the Ravenclaw to gauge her response—or lack thereof—to what she had said.

In response to her question about how she was feeling, Kinsey shrugged her shoulders. It was something, at least, and Parvati would have to take what she was given. Trying to force the girl to speak wasn't going to end well for either of them.

"That's alright," Parvati replied kindly to Kinsey's gesture, "if you don't want to tell me right now." It was a little bit frustrating in some respects, not fully knowing what the matter was, but Kinsey wouldn't have been the first student who had ever been hesitant to speak in her office.

"Would you like some tea, Kinsey?" she offered. She kept no shortage of it on hand. "Or some water?"

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Kinsey was being rude. She knew it, and was well aware of the fact that her parents would be ashamed by her behavior. She wasn't about to change it though. Even though she could sense that the school counselor had good intentions and only wanted to help, Kinsey was almost certain there was nothing she could do. Besides that, she couldn't bring herself to say the words out loud. Even the idea of explaining what was happening to her filled her with dread. No one would believe her. It was easier to just stay silent. 

Madam Macmillan was at least gracious, saying that it was okay if Kinsey didn't want to tell her right now. Huh. Almost like she expected Kinsey to change her mind. That wasn't going to happen. Next she offered tea or water. Kinsey shook her head, still not looking up at the counselor or using her voice. The only thing she wanted right now was to get out of here, but she knew that wasn't an option yet. Maybe soon, but not yet. 

parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

Kinsey's reluctance to speak at all—to even so much as deny the offer of tea or water with anything besides a shake of her head—was what was so surprising to Parvati. It was also deeply concerning, as if her reason for bringing the Ravenclaw into her office wasn't already concerning in and of itself.

Parvati took in a breath, sighing softly before speaking. There could have been a million different reasons as to why Kinsey was behaving as she was. "Kinsey," she began, treading carefully with her words and the way that she came across, "has something happened?" Of course something must have; it was obvious, but she needed a response from Kinsey herself. Normally, she would have preferred for Kinsey to be the one answering in greater depth; she wasn't meant to be sitting there and talking at her.

"You can nod or shake your head, if that's more comfortable for you," Parvati suggested as an option for her. She didn't think that Kinsey was trying to be difficult; she'd never come across as a student who was particularly keen on challenging the staff, the way some students were. Perhaps "yes" and "no" answers would help them to get somewhere.

"I'm not trying to interrogate you or embarrass you," she reassured Kinsey, leaning forward slightly, "but I want to make sure that I'm doing everything that I can to help you. And I know, sometimes, that's a bit… uncomfortable." Even she had had to work on that, herself.

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Madam Macmillan was speaking again, which wasn't a surprise at all. Kinsey listened, kind of. Part of her was zoning out a bit, wondering if tonight she'd have another nightmare or if she should stay up trying to catch up with all her work that she was missing in class. The woman's question registered, but Kinsey didn't say anything. She didn't even look up at the school counselor or acknowledge the question. Which class should she start on, assuming she could force herself to stay awake despite how tired she was. Maybe charms? Or transfiguration? She definitely wasn't in the state of mind to start working on arithmancy or runes.

Somewhere in the back of her head, she heard Madam Macmillan suggesting she nod or shake her head to answer the question. What was her question again? Kinsey couldn't remember. It was kind of a miracle that she remembered who she was supposed to be talking to right now, she was so lost in her thoughts. 

She spoke again and Kinsey closed her eyes to try and help herself focus on the woman's voice. She insisted that she wasn't trying to interrogate or embarrass Kinsey, that she wanted to help. Ha. That was impossible. No one could save her from these dreams. She couldn't even figure out what they were. When they first started, she'd thrown herself into the library to try and find out what they were, but even Kinsey found nothing. She'd gotten permission to search the restricted section as well. There was no record of dreams that could trap someone inside. Madam Macmillan would think she was crazy. Kinsey even was considering the possibility that she'd lost her mind. She wasn't going to talk about this. She opened her eyes again and stared at the floor once more. Could she leave yet?

parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

As she spoke to Kinsey, Parvati realized that the Ravenclaw appeared to be nodding off. She had her eyes closed, at least, and Parvati wondered for a split second if she would need to rouse her. Even more than her not speaking, the poor girl was really not in a good frame of mind. How much had she taken in of what she had just said? Parvati wasn't sure, truthfully, but it pained her to see Kinsey as she was.

Shortly, Parvati could see that Kinsey had opened her eyes again. She was almost certain that the girl was awake—dazed, maybe, but still hopefully able to understand her. "Kinsey, have you been to the Hospital Wing?" Parvati asked, her voice almost shaky but quieter than before. Her brow was furrowed as she questioned if this problem was creeping into the nurses' jurisdiction rather than her own. This wasn't something that she was used to seeing, and it was admittedly frightened. "It… might be a good idea for them to have a look at you," she suggested. Merlin, it would ease her own nerves, if nothing else.

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Kinsey knew she wasn’t giving a good impression. If she knew she’d be coming to the counselor’s office today, maybe she would have put more effort into her appearance, or drank more tea or something to wake her up. The thing was, she didn’t know, and as she was right now she didn’t really care about what Madam Macmillan thought of her. She had enough problems without worrying about the older woman.

She asked if Kinsey had been to the hospital wing and Kinsey’s eyes widened slightly, but she just shook her head. She didn’t want to go to the hospital wing. If the nurses found out about what was going on … maybe they’d say she was crazy and send her off to St. Mungo’s. As terrified as she was about what was happening to her during her sleep, she didn’t want to leave school. Kinsey shook her head more firmly, her expression serious and determined. She didn’t know what was going on with her, but she did know that she didn’t want to go to the hospital wing. She’d rather try to figure this out on her own, however futile of an effort that might be. It was better to think she was losing her mind than to have others confirm it. She had no intention of going to the hospital wing.

parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

Her mention of the Hospital Wing had gotten Kinsey's attention, at least, and Parvati was relieved to see it. She wasn't a Healer; she didn't have the knowledge that they did, but Kinsey's reaction from before had been startling to watch. Parvati almost wondered if the Ravenclaw had experienced a fit or something, but at least Kinsey seemed alert again.

Clearly adamant that she didn't need the nurses, Kinsey shook her head.

"It's your choice," Parvati told her, a relieved smile returning to her face after the shock she had had. She didn't feel as though she needed to force the girl over there unless she decided to go for herself. "And you're able to speak?" she asked, just to confirm that nothing was wrong there and that she hadn't missed something. "You haven't lost your voice or anything? No Silencing Charms, nothing like that?" she checked.

@kinsey

[Deleted]

To Kinsey's relief, Madam Macmillan wasn't insisting that she go to the hospital wing. She glanced up at the woman after she spoke, hoping to be able to read her. She could already sense the counselor's intentions, that she just wanted to help. That didn't make a difference. Kinsey wasn't sure anyone could help her and she didn't want anyone to think she was crazy. It was much better to keep all this to herself, she decided. 

She was almost sure that her relief showed in her eyes as she met Madam Macmillan's eyes for a moment and nodded to show she understood. Going to the hospital wing was her choice. Good. She asked if Kinsey could speak or if she'd lost her voice or been charmed or something. Not speaking almost felt silly now, but at the same time Kinsey didn't want to try. She just wanted to leave. She met the woman's eyes again and nodded to say she could speak. No one did anything to her. She was fine, except in her mind.

She glanced over to the door, wondering if Madam Macmillan had anything else she wanted to talk about or if maybe she'd let Kinsey go now. She hoped she could go. 

parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

Kinsey nodded when asked if she could speak. Knowing that she hadn't been charmed into silence and just wasn't speaking at the moment somehow seemed better than if she had wanted to speak but was entirely unable to do so. "Alright." It was good, really; stranger things had happened.

Parvati saw that Kinsey was looking to the door, probably wondering when—if ever—she was going to be let out. As cozy as she had tried to keep her office, she guessed that it had started too feel like a bit much.

"I know this might seem like another ridiculous question," Parvati prefaced, but it was the one that she had intended to ask before Kinsey's response had been enough for her to question whether or not she needed to go to see the nurses right then and there. "But I do need to ask it: Are you thinking about harming yourself?"

@kinsey

[Deleted]

This was so awkward. Kinsey just wanted to get out of here and hide somewhere. She wanted to go back to bad and crawl under her sheets, even if she had no intention of going to sleep. Sleep scared her now. She never knew when she was going to be trapped in her dreams and when she wouldn't be. 

Madam Macmillan was talking again, saying she had a ridiculous question. Kinsey's eyebrows furrowed, but then she felt a righteous anger stir inside her when she heard the question. She still didn't look up, Kinsey didn't think it would be a good idea to glare at the school counselor, but she shook her head tersely, her jaw clenched and her expression angry. She was not going to answer that out loud. Kinsey bit her lip for a second before rising to her feet. "I need to go." she muttered, still not meeting Madam Macmillan's eyes. She hurried toward the door and walked out, hurrying down the corridor as quickly as she could.

parvati patil macmillan
(Kinsey out)

[parvati patil macmillan]

"I need to go."

Aside from a shake of the head, the comment was neither a firm yes, nor was it a no. In other words, it wasn’t substantial enough for Parvati to break her confidentiality with Kinsey to alert Professor McGonagall or Professor Reed, as the girl's Head of House. Still, Kinsey hadn't verbally denied having a plan of some sort running through her head. She seemed angry, more than anything, which was enough to keep the counselor on the alert.

Kinsey exited the room before Parvati could get a word in edgewise. Of course, the Ravenclaw would speak right before running out of her office. Parvati wasn't going to drag Kinsey back just to sit her down again; as urgent as it was that she get to the bottom of what was happening, she really didn't care to cause a scene, either. Hopefully, she thought with a sigh, she'd be able to get Kinsey back in her office when she was in a better frame of mind and more willing to speak with her.

@kinsey
Fin.