she knows | nessa

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM WAS BUZZING with activity, but Nate had not slithered off to his room just yet. He'd found an armchair near the back corner, underneath a porthole that let in green, watery light from beneath the lake. He yawned in to his palm, the newspaper propped on his stomach as he circled different rental ads that caught his eye. He would graduate come summer time, and he'd turned 18 the past October. He was no longer obligated to reside under the orphanage's care. He was never going back. Except, maybe, to stage a break out for Nessa.

As his mind teetered over his old friend, it was as if he'd sensed her proximity. Lifting his head, Nate watched a crowd of bodies turn the corner in to the common room, among them he noticed Nessa's carefully styled blonde head. Tucked low to her chest, like she was watching her feet. He felt like throwing his shoe at her for it, they'd often talked about 'chin up', like he thought it would hide his poverty just by walking a little straighter.

His eyes burned a hole in to the side of her head until, eventually, her own head lifted and he caught her eye. His brows lifted in greeting, though he wondered if she could even see him draped in the shadows of his hidden corner. Nate still jerked his chin, motioning for her to come over to him. A part of him wondered if she'd simply ignore him, their relationship had been rocked with tension since the summer. Since he'd started hanging out and dating Claudia. Like they were drifting the closer he got to graduation. 

nessa abigael byrne

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[nessa abigael byrne]

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The year was almost over. A month and change was all that remained and then it was the infinite chasm of boredom that the summer brought once again. Constantly fighting the urge to slack off in classes was so hard to do when this part of term rolled around. It was one thing to skip assignments and fall asleep during the fall term when Christmas break was right around the corner because there was still a whole second half of the school year to make up anything missed. But this was it, and from what she heard, seventh year was like sixth but juiced by a stupidly strong Pepper-Up potion. Studying herself into an early grave sounded absolutely wonderful, so much so that the sarcasm of her inner thoughts was already starting to leak out into conversations she had with her professors and peers. Not that there was inherently anything different with how she treated others, though speaking her mind about the future definitely drew strange looks from some. Apparently most viewed her as a violent beast that was going to commit herself to a life of criminal activities and poor decisions. How nice of them to assume things just because she was an orphan with literally zero structure in her life and poorer than dirt. All because she hung around Nate and happened to put the occasional asshole in their place. Restructuring Gideon Ollivander’s face a few months prior was still fresh in people’s minds, it seemed.

Classes for the day had ended hours earlier for Nessa, though that didn’t mean she was obligated to immediately return to the common room like some did. Wandering around the castle and finding silent corners away from anyone but the occasional couple trying to sneak off as well, was starting to become almost therapeutic for her. Waltzing into a supposedly empty classroom only to find one of those said couples with their tongues down one another’s throats had her mumbling a shocked apology and retreating back towards the dungeons. That was enough exploring for the day for her, though she was sure her friends a few floors above were just getting started. The only way that could have been worse was if it had been Nate, who she knew had his own proclivities when it came to shagging his way through the girls of Hogwarts. The mere thought made her gag as she found herself shuffling with a group of Slytherins back into the common room, a few of the younger students giving her a wide berth as they entered.

She could feel eyes boring into her as she stared at her feet, hoping they would blindly carry her back to her dorm room and away from the crowded common area. Obviously it was Nate, leering at her from one of the oversized armchairs. Her eyes rolled at him as she quickly lost the battle against herself to ignore him and continue towards the dorms, feet already turning towards him and his stupid face. “I think I saw one of your conquests with another guy’s tongue in her mouth just now,” she whispered her lie to him as she took the empty chair next to him, sinking dangerously into the cushions. Damn chairs had no business being this comfy.

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 547 ● Death Worship by Mental Cruelty

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

AS IF DETERMINED TO DO EXACTLY WHAT NATE did no expect, Nessa did not ignore his silent summons. He imagined her eye roll as she'd caught him staring, without ever being close enough to actually see it. He smirked into his newspaper, closing it before her slow gait found its way towards him. She looked as if she were walking to her execution, that low brow expression lacking a shred of good humour, it cheered Nate up as he kicked his foot lazily. He answered it with a thin, poor representation of a genuine smile - a little too thin, a little too flat.

Of course, that control only lasted as long as Nessa's mouth was closed. It fell away as she opened her mouth, making Nate drew in a breath as if to sigh, and barked a laugh instead. "You're a fuckin' barrel of laughs this evening," He declared, the newspaper crinkling where he crossed his arms on his stomach. His head lolled back to watch her upside down as she fell into the chair beside him, reaching over to smack the armrest. "Who were you peeping on then?" He asked carelessly. Nate didn't particularly care about which 'conquest' shared spit with which. Especially when they'd already been 'conquered'. It was a free country, after all. 

nessa abigael byrne

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[nessa abigael byrne]

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“That’s better than looking like I just soiled myself,” she retorted. “Look in a mirror when you glare at someone sometime, you’ll see what I mean.” If she hadn’t known him and how he was, she would have thought he had it out for her and was trying to kill her. The stare across the room was beyond creepy and sent off all the alarm bells that she’d normally listen to. But Nate was Nate, so the chance that he had been too lazy to move and went on himself was possible too. Like marking his territory one final time in the common room before he was gone for good just to prove a point. A shitty thing to do, but she could see it happening.

As for his ‘conquest’, it was a lie but he didn’t seem nearly as effected by it as she thought he might. Having a name on hand probably would have been better. Made it more personal or something. “I don’t know the name,” she said rather indignantly. “You’re telling me you remember all of their names? Because I’d like to see you go down a line-up and try.” Not really. That would be gross and absolutely dehumanizing. She knew for a fact that there was no way he could remember every single girl’s name that he’d been with, at least from the way he made it sound. Nessa didn’t have any receipts for or against those claims. She also didn’t want to be surprised by a line that circled the Quidditch Pitch. That seemed unrealistic to her, but this was Nate after all. He’d managed to shag Lulu on Jimmie’s bed in the middle of a party the Blishwicks were hosting without anyone knowing until after the fact.

“Anyways,” she continued, trying to change the subject on her own. “What do you want? Or is this supposed to be some sort of sit on the couch and act like we’re normal thing?” Because neither of them were, and she hated the stares from the younger students that were still afraid of her. That and the couch wasn’t comfortable at all. Sinking deep into the cushions was a back problem waiting to happen. Thankfully there was only one more year of it after this.

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 379 ● Nichole by Flower Face

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

THE EASY INSULTS WERE AS FAMILIAR TO NATE as breathing. Nessa had always been thorny, and while Nate's tolerance for it had been carefully curated over time, that didn't mean he took it with grace. "You spend a lot of time dissecting my expressions?" He taunted her with a sly tip of his mouth, goading her as she'd so eloquently tried with him. He pulled at the bottom of his shirt as he stretched, wondering absently if he really did look a bit constipated, before cramming the thought into the very back of his mind with a practiced evasion.

Sighing as he retracted back to his own armchair, Nate rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling. "I mean, you spend so much time in my business, Ness." He drawled tonelessly, tilting his chin to catch her in his peripheral vision. "I expect you know more about the people I'm shagging than me." He twisted, legs still slung over one side of the chair, but hip pressing against the side so that he could look at Nessa properly. "Do you have a list?" He asked her with a teasing sincerity. "I'd like to see it, for old times sake." Nate made a show of reaching out an expectant hand, flapping it impatiently. He knew the mere notion would bother her. For a atypical little orphan, Nessa had surprisingly stern morality. It could be a right pest at times, thwarting a good chunk of Nate's less savoury ploys.

Turning away, Nate threw his legs off the armchairs rest and let them fall with a thud onto the ground. An answer to her sharp question without opening his mouth. His posture slouched, newspaper crinkling where he had it folded against his stomach. He didn't look at her, stinging somewhere at the back of his throat with rejected irritation. "Fuck off, Ness." He  muttered sharply after a beat, jaw working at a stiff grind. He glared - constipated as ever - into the middle distance. Maybe she was right, maybe for just a second he wanted to just sit with the only other person in Hogwarts that he unabashedly liked, without the complication of a façade to be worn. Or a competition to be won. Somewhere, distantly, he was aware that they were drifting in opposite directions. And worse still, Nessa didn't seem to mind. 

nessa abigael byrne

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[nessa abigael byrne]

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“Your scowl just looks like someone is always holding a full bucket of Puking Pastille sick under your nose is all.” She knew her own wasn’t much better but at least she had more than one emotion, as hard as that was to believe. Nate hadn’t seen it in months because he was too busy trying to get under her skin and figure out what was wrong. Which had sort of been cleared up in the fall. Or maybe not. Words were still sharp between them and everything stung in the same manner as plucking gravel out of road rash did. At this point she wasn’t sure if it was her own indignation over it or his inability to come to terms with what had been said and done. Getting pissed off over and over again certainly wasn’t worth it and yet they hadn’t come to a conclusion yet. Merlin, they hadn’t even discussed a proper plan of action. Going back to normal didn’t work either because there certainly wasn’t anything normal about their friendship from the beginning. Devolving into toxicity until they poisoned one another with their own insecurities and hatred wasn’t the way either. Right now it was some sort of limbo where they were both lions on a tightrope spread across the Grand Canyon, each growling at the other to turn around so that they could get to safety. Drowning each other was a great example too.

Nate’s personal, personal life really didn’t really matter to her that much, except when people lumped her into his list of lays. Like that would ever happen. Such a thing was vomit-inducing. “Literally anything that breathes is on it,” she reproached. “What you do shouldn’t be my business, but with how much I hear about it, suddenly it is. Like, all the time.” She didn’t need to be hearing from classmates about how he did or didn’t treat them, or whatever it was that he said to get into their pants. How he managed it so many times was forbidden knowledge and she would probably have a better chance breaking into the restricted section than ever figuring out what his secret was. She absolutely didn’t see what it was.

And maybe she pushed it too far. Initially, she bit down on her tongue to prevent herself from lashing right back at him. Too many times that had happened and arguments spewed out of nothing. Conducting a verbal altercation in the middle of the common room was definitely a great way for their housemates to view them. As if they weren’t already scared of the two of them to begin with. Even if they acted like everything was normal when it really wasn’t would be better than erupting into a shouting match. So she tried something different. “No.”

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 467 ● Cthulhu by Alkaloid

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

THE RETORT CAME CARELESSLY. NONCHALENCE in Nessa's prickled posture. She'd always been quick to the draw, and had they been on better terms Nate might have laughed. Instead, he let a thin smile curl the corners of his sharp expression. "That's just your perfume," He tossed back, quirking his brows once from where he lay. Languishing with the paper forgotten against his chest, he watched her narrowed eyes and pursed mouth as if waiting for an explosion.

In truth, Nate preferred Nessa angry in recent weeks. It beat her cold ignorance. The way she wouldn't even look at him in the Great Hall. Misting past him with an upturned chin and a forward glare. Purposefully ignoring him over some bitter hurt he had no intention of fixing. Mostly because he didn't think he'd done anything especially wrong. "You're not on it," He tutted with a slow drawl, turning in his seat until he was upright and staring. "Does that bother you?" He taunted her, head tilting to one side. "You were my friend first." He sat back slowly, letting his back hit the cushion and slump his shoulders. Nate made a point to look utterly relaxed, but internally he anticipated a smack.

Her stubborn refusal to fuck off surprised him, like he had assumed she'd take any opportunity to leave. She had, after all, made a great point of hating his company as of late. "Is this about Claudia?" He asked in a last ditch effort to draw out her bitterness, uncomfortable under her shrewd stare. He'd asked her this before, she had not reacted as he had hoped. No harm in trying again. "Claudia and I are together, so what?" He snapped, snorting as if she was overreacting once again. "Get over yourself."

nessa abigael byrne

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[nessa abigael byrne]

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She hated that he tried to counter everything she said. Though to be fair, she did her own share of it too, but only because she felt like she’d lose otherwise if she didn’t. “You bloody well know I don’t wear that shite,” she looked him up and down. Where would she get the money for that sort of stuff anyways? Her parents? Oh wait, they abandoned her because she literally didn’t matter to anyone.

Sometimes Nate made her want to vomit. Nessa knew that her face showed her thoughts on it, and could feel it scrunched up in disgust. “Why in Merlin’s name would I want to be on it? That’s not an honor, you know.” The idea was utterly revolting. Becoming just another name on his checklist probably. That was something she would actively refuse now, simply based on principle. Not that it ever would have happened to begin with.

She knew refusing would bother him the most. Catching him off guard certainly hadn’t crossed her mind though, and the corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly at his reaction. That was a personal victory right there. What he said next was interesting though. Since when was he with Claudia? “I haven’t got a problem with her. Didn’t know you had it in you to tie yourself down. Seems so…counterintuitive to everything you’re about.” Did she actually have a problem with it? Maybe. Nessa had zero opinions on the other girl. Rarely thought about her even. And since she now was apparently sleeping with Nate, Nessa was bound to be forced to think about it all a whole lot more. “I am over myself. Why are you making such a big deal about it?” Nessa threw it back in his face. “Does she have an issue with me? Because if she does, she can be a big girl and say it to my face.” Maybe that was assuming a little too much, not that such a thing ever stopped Nessa before. "It is sort of curious though...totally heard she was shacked up with Simon what's-his-name," Nessa shrugged.

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 335 ● Song by Artist

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

NATE SNORTED A LAUGH AT NESSA'S SHARP response. Her face flushing with anger just the way he liked it. He did know she didn't wear perfume. If he recalled correctly, she typically smelled of cheap washing powder from the orphanage and deodorant, occasionally mixed in with his own cigarette smoke and the sharp tang of the outdoors. They hadn't been particularly close in a long time, so that could have changed, but it hadn't been an offensive smell at all. In fact, it had brought him a level of comfort once upon a time. Now he just leaned back in his seat and shrugged, happy to poke at her.

"Well, I could have offered." Nate shrugged again, slumping in place with that same infernal smirk on his face. He wasn't offended exactly, Nessa had always made her disapproval known to him. "Figured you're a bit defensive, is all." He rolled his head onto his shoulder to give her a long look. "What is it the Muggles said...?" He clicked his tongue, drawing out his teasing with a narrowing of his eyes. "The lady doth protest... too much." He rolled his head back and snickered at his own joke.

Pulling up from his downward slouch, Nate swung himself around to sit upright. To lean over the arm and look at Nessa properly. For some reason, he really wanted to see her face when he asked her about Claudia. He'd had a sneaking suspicion she disliked his relationship with Claudia for quite some time. Since the summer he'd spent less time with her, and more time with Simon and Claudia, she had had a bee in her bonnet. That, paired with her sudden disapproval of his 'behaviour' made for a difficult dynamic. He wanted to be right, he wanted her to hate Claudia just because he was with her. Maybe, just a little bit, he wanted Nessa to be jealous. Jealousy was something Nate understood, it made sense to him. Nessa, as of late, made no sense to him at all.

"Maybe you don't know me at all," He suggested with a blank expression, disliking her answer entirely. The twist of his words, the way she made it about a girlish rivalry and less about his own dynamic with Nessa. "I'm not, you are." He tried to shrug it off, but he was suddenly tense, defensive. He didn't like the way that she was digging her heels in. "Ask her yourself... Merlin." He kicked his legs out, half standing before he sat down hard. Pausing in place at that last dagger, the rest disintegrating in favour of that single offhand comment. "You're wrong." He told her, standing stiffly and tossing the paper into her lap as he felt the tension seize his muscles and a sickly feeling roll in his stomach. "That's bullshit." He didn't look at her, his mind ticking. "Mind your fucking business, Loch Ness." 

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NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[nessa abigael byrne]

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Nate was just so…infuriating. She knew that she was close to gasket-blowing point. Every little response was meant to dig in and anger her more, and she was too full of herself to get up and leave. This was the exact problem she had with him, especially lately. All of their conversations ended up like this; with him doing something stupid, her telling him it was stupid, and then him going off on some tangent about how she was angry or defensive or just needed a quick lay. If she wanted that, it absolutely wasn’t going to be with him. At least not after he’d made his way halfway through their year already. If there was a sudden outbreak of dragon pox, she knew who to look towards as patient zero.

So to try and keep her own cool, and because she didn’t want to be caught screaming at Nate over his disgusting comments, Nessa kept her mouth shut. It was so difficult, because she knew that he’d get off to that just as well as if she had decided to yell back. She was suffering regardless. ”Maybe I don’t,” she finally said after a moment. ”I don’t really get the point of us being friends anymore. All we ever do is this, and its honestly a waste of both of our time.” While she didn’t have anything better to do, surely she was keeping Nate from the next girl he had in line.

She didn’t think she’d actually be right about something. She was never right when she was around Nate since that was the nature of their relationship. Seeing him react the way he did made up for everything else. A nerve had been pushed. Taking a step back from him, she raised her eyebrows and nodded her head slowly, contemplating her next words carefully. ”You sound upset Nathaniel,” she taunted him. Using his full name almost sounded strange, like she used a taboo word. It certainly drove home the point though. ”So did you take her from him, or is it the other way around? Because I know you’d never let anyone steal from you, would you?”

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 360 ● Song by Artist

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

IT USED TO BE A LOT MORE FUN, NEEDLING Nessa. Less of a minefield and more of a gentle brush with danger. She used to tolerate him a lot kinder, give it as good as it was given with a mean little smirk of her own. Things had changed somewhere down the line and Nate couldn't quite find the trigger. He still pushed, though, because he was a creature of habit and it still gave him a fizzle of joy for a bit.

His belly clenched with anticipation, Nate watched from his perch as Nessa's face twitched and pinched before smoothing out. He sighed in disappointment, realising quickly that he was not going to get the bickering back-and-forth he wished for. Instead, he saw the way she seemed to stare at him with a flat, almost disappointed snarl. Nate felt himself tense for an entirely different reason, shoulders bunching as Nessa hit him with a dispassionate dismissal of their epic friendship.

"Shut up," Nate snapped, his nose scrunching as he sat forward just to get a good look at her. "Why're you being like that, why do you keep acting like I'm some kind of misbehaving school boy?" He spat at her, huffing out a breath and leaning closer, conspiratorial in their exchange suddenly. "I don't know what you've done with my best mate, but I'd very much like her back." He grumbled, sitting back with a bitter look in his eye. Nothing was getting better, no matter how much he tried to maintain the status quo, Ness had suddenly decided it was beyond her. He felt slighted, a sting like rejection making him feel queasy with anger.

Though he had felt he had the upper hand with the subject of Claudia, it slipped quickly from his fingers. He found himself scrambling for control, having abandoned his attempt to make Nessa jealous, if only to reestablish his foothold in the conversation. He did not enjoy the sudden appearance of that familiar, mean little smirk. His full name wielded like a well honed sword. Nate flinched, sitting halfway out of his chair to huff an angry breath. "Because you're being annoying," He told her, a feeble insult compared to his usual barbs, but he felt dizzy with fury at the mere suggestion.

Out of his seat, Nate bridged the gap between their armchairs. Shrouded by enough darkness to not alert the masses, Nate placed his hands on the arms of Nessa's chair and stooped until they were almost nose-to-nose. "You know, I think you're right after all, Nessa." He said quietly, almost like a lovers whisper. "I don't think we're best suited nowadays." He let his finger lift from the arm of the chair, just enough so that the side of his finger brushed against the exposed skin of Nessa's wrist without realising he'd done so. "I don't have time for your desperate jealous gossip," He looked down his nose at her, the needle feeling blunt but well-aimed. "I mean good try, but I certainly wouldn't want to steal you." He pushed off the chair and slouched back a step, hands tucked lazily into the pocket of his trousers. "Who would." He scoffed, giving her a long and lingering look down his nose at her. "Do fuck off," He said almost pleasantly, as he turned and walked away. He did not look back. But he knew, Merlin he knew she was right. He had missed something vital, and he hated hearing it from her. Hated that she was right.

[END NATE]

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NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[nessa abigael byrne]

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”Because you are a misbehaving school boy,” she answered immediately. How fucking brainless was he to not see that? Nessa wasn’t going to retread old arguments again, but the reason she was the way she was now all had to do with the way he had been pulling away from her and treating her like his useless peon. Only to be talked to when needed or to take his frustration out on. She was a real, living, breathing person with her own life. There was no reason for them to do this anymore, because the time of being friends had long passed them. Nessa was done with all of this. It was exhausting to be treated this way by him, and being hard-headed in response was all she could do to prove her point. Nate wouldn’t listen to anything other way she put it, diminishing her feelings and opinions on the matter.

Despite being the one to bring it up, she still felt a pang of hurt start to seep into her when he agreed. She had tried to mentally prepare for the end of their friendship for a while now, ever since their argument on the train a few years prior. Now that there was zero obligation of them having to stick together, with Nate leaving school after this, they didn’t need to keep this up. Forced into friendship because of their circumstances as abandoned children that no one wanted, it was time that they had a real hard look on what that actually meant. Were they ever really friends to begin with?

She recoiled as he touched the side of her hand, not really wanting much to do with him anymore. All of this was pointless. The personal attack as he got up to leave was completely unnecessary, but also not out of the ordinary for him. Throwing a tantrum like the scared little boy he was. Nothing new there. ”Gladly,” she scoffed at him as he left. Fucking loser.

[The End]

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 332

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0