shatter | dominique

[james sirius potter]

I know we've said this all before

But I'm so tired of waging war

April 2023
@dominique

It was all still so vivid in James’ mind. Even now, as he stared at the slow-moving ripples on the surface of The Black Lake, he played through it all in his mind, scene by scene. Beginning with his detour from the Great Hall. Phoenix Rising had failed. He had failed. Harry Potter’s son had failed, and knowing that weighed heavily in his chest. The students who had been kidnapped had been recovered, though they were all trying to heal and move on from their experiences. So far, James’ family was safe and sound physically, but as he looked at the girl sitting next to him, he saw that none of them were actually okay.

James had found Ethan, who was supposed to have been in the Room of Requirement that day in hiding, but she had gotten to him. Elaine had gotten to their best chance of getting her. He recalled the sight of the broken wheelchair and the emptiness in his eyes. Nikki had been close to him. James hadn’t been able to hide what had happened for very long. He recalled how she was with some other Slytherins running down the corridor, and James had run up to her to try and stop her from getting closer, but she saw the body anyway. And James went from almost tackling her to holding her as she broke down. James had grown up side by side with Nikki and Harper, Fred, and Roxanne. The Burrow had been incredibly chaotic with five Weasley grandchildren running amok, but it had kept them close.

He had been sitting there for all of two minutes, waiting for Nikki to say something, but she hadn’t. Had she even noticed he had sat down? James cleared his throat. ”How you holding up, Nik?” James kept his voice low. The entire year had been hard for the ordinarily loud James. Even just the past few weeks, he felt he’d barely said a word. Then again, everybody was still processing what had happened.

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Dominique didn’t quite understand how to process her emotions. She had never been one to flout how she felt, unless it was aggression on the Quidditch Pitch. Ethan Johnson had been the only person she had ever felt truly comfortable opening up to. Even surrounded by her many cousins, Ethan had been the one to listen, to understand exactly why she was the way she was. Nikki had never had that before. Now it was gone, Ethan was gone. Now, Dominique knew what he had been trying to tell her, but couldn’t get the words out. At first, she had worried that he was trying to admit he liked her in a ‘more than friends’ way, so she had been quick to change the subject. But just a few days ago, Nikki realized that, perhaps the reason she was so afraid of hearing what he had to say, was because she liked him in a more than friends way. What if he was trying to let her down easily?

None of that mattered now, as the truth had come out. Ethan had been cursed with an Unbreakable Vow by Elaine Dupree, the real mastermind of the murders that had happened this past year. Nikki felt a flicker of guilt for the part she had played in spreading the rumors about Ariadne Lestrange, which she realized had come right from Elaine. The fellow Slytherin had shared a dormitory with Nikki, and she had never suspected anything. How could she have been so naive? Hadn’t Elaine shown signs of her true nature? No, not more than other prejudiced Slytherins had. Their numbers were dwindling, but Elaine had not been any more vocal about her anti-muggleborn feelings than others. She was just…she was only seventeen. She supposed Voldemort had been sixteen when he murdered his fathers family and set the basilisk on Hogwarts, but he hadn’t added the Unbreakable Vow to his list of atrocities committed, hadn’t kidnapped a majority of the Pureblooded students in a, in Nikki’s opinion, successful attack on the school. What Voldemort hadn’t been able to achieve in two attempts, Elaine had.

Nikki had registered someone sitting next to her on the shores of the Black Lake as she aimlessly drew squiggles in the dark, gritty sand they sat on. When he spoke, Nikki looked up and saw her cousin James. He looked about as exhausted as she felt. She wondered what on earth she looked like. She tried to remember the last time she had looked in a mirror; she had showered last night, if she recalled correctly, but it could have been the night before. She was sure her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, as she had broken down again when she had arrived at the lake, remembering when Ethan had brought food and a blanket for them during a study session, claiming the sunshine was good for them. They hadn’t gotten much studying done, but had ended up going swimming in their underwear after she had dared him. It was a good memory, but then the flash of his lifeless body in front of her crossed her vision, and she had lost it. Finally, she took a deep breath and responded to her cousin. “I don’t know.” Her voice had a scratchy tone to it, from disuse, at least from speaking. She looked away, focusing on a spot where she could have sworn a tentacle from the giant squid had just surfaced. “I keep thinking it’s all a dream, that I’m going to wake up and nothing will have actually happened,” she admitted after a few more moments of silence. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes and she moved to wipe them away furiously. Couldn’t her emotions leave her alone, just for a few moments?

james sirius potter

[james sirius potter]

I know we've said this all before

But I'm so tired of waging war

April 2023
@dominique

As details and facts emerged among the rubble and aftermath of what had happened, the true cruelty of their new enemy also began to appear. James felt disoriented. He always thought that if he did the right thing, stood up for those who couldn’t, and sought justice where he could—it would all work out, right? Why did three students have to die, and why wasn’t James able to do anything about it? It was a helpless feeling. As helpless as he had felt after months of shutting those erroneous rumors about Ariadne and now watching the people closest to him in so much pain.

James had known that Nikki was close to Ethan, but he had failed to realize just how close. If only that were a possibility—to just wake up and realize it was all a terrible nightmare, and the only panic James felt in his chest was because he was late for Quidditch practice and not because he was in a duel with some mercenary in the Great Hall. After everything that had happened when their parents were students, one would think that Hogwarts would truly be a safer place now. There was said to be no safer place. ”I tried to…” James spoke. His throat felt dry as he paused a moment. ”We were all trying to protect him…I’m sorry.” The apology might as well have been a whisper, but there was much guilt riding on his shoulders as Phoenix Rising had proven to be ineffective.

He saw her hand fly up to her face, and he reached to place a hand gently on her shoulder. A reminder he was there. While it had taken some time, James had made it a point to check in with his brother and sister and his cousins. It seemed everyone except Victoire and Teddy were at Hogwarts, all witness to what had just happened.

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Dominique heard James speak, but she didn’t really know what he was saying. Probably something about Ethan, how they had tried to protect him, blah blah blah. Nobody could have protected Ethan, not against Elaine Dupree or Desiree Rousseau. She shivered involuntarily; she had shared a HOUSE with Elaine, even had considered them…well, not friends, but not enemies. How did she not see the signs that Elaine was a psychopath? She knew psychopaths could hide their true colors well but everyone always says ‘there were signs’. What signs did Elaine display that could have divulged her true intentions? She rarely displayed any type of real emotion she supposed; whenever she smiled or laughed it didn’t quite truly reach her eyes. Merlin, she was going to drive herself crazy thinking like this.

James had shut up by the time Nikki was done with her inner ravings; something finally told her cousin he was talking too much. Was her dear cousin finally gaining a sense of self-reflection? Then he just put his hand on her shoulder. It wasn’t anything momentous, but Nikki understood the intention behind it. That he could not fully understand what she was going through. That he did not have all the answers, as much as he wished he did. That all he could do for her in this moment was remind her that she was not alone. The tears came then, and Dominique turned and leaned into James, gripping his robes as she sobbed, hard and loud, for the loss she felt. She cried herself dry for what seemed like hours, before lifting her head and pulling out a wad of tissues she had crammed in her pocket before leaving her bed this morning. “Ugh, I probably look like a right awful mess,” she croaked, dabbing at her eyes and nose with the wad, her voice hoarse from disuse. “Sorry I ruined your robes,” she added, eyeing the clear signs that Dominque had been using her cousins’ robes as a giant tissue.

james sirius potter

[james sirius potter]

I know we've said this all before

But I'm so tired of waging war

April 2023
@dominique

Nikki didn’t acknowledge what he said, but he didn’t repeat himself. He was still learning, but sometimes there wasn’t a need to speak despite what his impulses told him. And if he was being honest, these past weeks, James hadn’t been as social as before. The sudden drop and climb of these emotions always made James uncomfortable. It wasn’t something he knew what to do with or even explain. Like when Ariadne had just left Hogwarts, and he didn’t hear from her until she returned, it was a similar tightness in his chest but accompanied by the weight of failure on his shoulders. There wasn’t any strength left in him to stand tall and hold it all.

There were a few moments of silence. James simply sat and let his brain begin its usual spiral into his thoughts. But then he saw Nikki move, and she cried—sobbing and holding onto his robes for dear life. Quickly he put an arm around her and let her cry, not saying anything. And really, he had no idea what to say. James Potter was not often speechless for any reason, but he didn’t know how to process all the death and destruction. After a while, Nikki pulled back. ”They’re just robes.” He muttered. It wasn’t an issue, plus he wouldn’t need them in a short time. Opening his mouth to speak, James closed it again. He really didn’t have anything except apologies to offer. He’d failed to protect him, and now someone close to him was hurting. ”Your brother is worried about you.” The youngest child to his Uncle Bill, but while James sensed she would be out here, he figured sending people her way was not the best idea at the moment.

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Dominique let out a watery bark of a laugh. “They are just robes, but you still have to wear them until you get back to your dorm and change,” she reminded him. The image of James walking around with snot and tears on his robes, even for a few minutes, brought the ghost of a smile onto her face. James Potter was the hotshot of Hogwarts, and everyone knew it, present company included. It would do him good to show the student body he was human and had just been comforting a family member during a tragic loss. Merlin, perhaps it would give him an even bigger head than he already had.

The smile faded as James mentioned Louis had expressed his concern to him regarding her. Louis may have been younger than her, but sometimes he did seem too wise for his own good. Nikki took after her mother in many regards, but both of her siblings seemed to favor her father Bill. She sometimes wished she had gotten more from him, but Fleur Delacour was a force to be reckoned with in her own right. Plus, that was how Nikki had gotten such good looks. “I know,” she said, her lips pursing into a line. “It’s…hard. I know he wants to be there for me but…I mean James you know me. I’m not the comforted type,” she exclaimed, though this recent moment would contradict that. “He needs to let me come to him, which I will,” she explained, then leaned forward; she knew James didn’t quite believe her. “Eventually.”

james sirius potter

[james sirius potter]

I know we've said this all before

But I'm so tired of waging war

April 2023
@dominique

James let out a slight chuckle. He supposed she was right. But he still didn’t consider it much of an inconvenience. ”It’s a good thing we have magic, don’t we?” Not that James could ever claim to have mastered cleaning charms as his mother and grandmother had. It had always been quite a site to watch his father, The Boy Who Lived, struggle with the more advanced charms his mother simply cast with barely a wave of her wand. In any case, a little bit of snot on his robes seemed trivial compared to everything else. In fact, most things did. What were his worries and problems in comparison to dead teenagers his age?

But he was lucky, wasn’t he? So many of his family members were at the school with him. Cousins that he trusted and had grown up with. His brother and sister in the years just below him. How many could claim that? Louis was a kind boy, strong in his own way, but he certainly stayed out of his older sister’s ways. James nodded. He did know her well. While they left for Hogwarts in different years, James was only four months older than Nikki. And then Harper was four months older than him. They had grown up virtually side by side. ”I know.” Louis wasn’t dumb, but his family all tended to worry about one another often. ”I think he knows you’re here.” But was giving her space, just as she’d mentioned.

The difference between James and his younger cousin was that while James knew that Nikki liked her space, he knew there was a time to push through the boundary anyway. It had to be done tactfully, though Weasley’s were not shy when displeased and James might have left missing an eyebrow if Nikki didn’t want him there. She had lost someone very close to her. James had people he was close to outside his family, and a lump formed in his throat at the thought of any of them simply being gone one day. What if Ariadne had never come back and James never heard from her again? But he pushed those thoughts aside. He was the lucky one here. ”He’s always been a worrier.” He was very much a Weasley in that way. Though James was still surprised his mother and uncles hadn’t stormed through the Great Hall immediately. ”Anything I can do?” James asked softly. He felt so helpless.

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Dominique snorted. “Granny isn’t here though, she’d get you clean in a trife,” she added, cracking a small smile. Her cousin did have a way of making her feel better. She knew some people thought of James as an arrogant prig, and sure, what teenaged boy with good lucks ISN’T at one point or another? She knew James better than any girl fawning over him though, and he was a good soul - she was lucky to count him as family. “Probably,” she added; Louis did have a knack for finding her at most inopportune times.

Nikki was silent for a few moments, but not because she was inconsolable anymore. More she needed more time to consider his request. Her stomach, naturally, ended up making the decision for her as it let out a loud grumble. She looked horrified for a split second before bursting out laughing. It felt good to laugh, though it was clear she hadn’t been doing much of it lately. Her cheeks hurt already. “Well, I suppose I am a bit hungry,” she admitted. When was the last time she’d eaten? She’d skipped lunch. Breakfast? She couldn’t really remember, but someone had said something at the Slytherin table to set her off. She didn’t remember what they’d said; she knew whatever it was she took personally, and likely overreacted, so she made her exit very quickly. So probably not since yesterday. “Maybe the house elves will make me some toast if they see how much of a mess I look?” she joked, wiping her eyes again with her sleeve.


james sirius potter