If I Can’t Have You [Addy]

[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

March 2027

Merlin, he wished they’d agreed to meet at the restaurant instead of her place because then it would’ve made this whole first part less awkward. Cheese had planned the whole night out in an organized fashion that was quite uncharacteristic of him – at least, after forgetting that their anniversary was coming up and then being reminded about it by Addy a week or two before. That was much more his usual style. But he’d actually done the planning for once. It was going to be an anniversary like the kind grown-ups did, because they were grown-ups now (sort of) which meant they should do those sorts of things too. Even if Rafe felt more like a kid trying to wear his father’s suit. So there was going to be a nice dinner at a nice restaurant, and then a nice walk along the nice vista of the Thames. He’d brought his camera (of course), but it was politely stowed away in his trusty camera bag.

So it should have been a nice evening (Merlin, he needed to stop using that word) but it was awkward. Because of The Fight (TM). It had spoiled his birthday, and neither side had really apologized since then. But Cheese was determined not to apologize first, for once, because he was tired of biting his tongue on things he knew he was right about. And he’d been putting up with her being late to things the other 364 days of the year because he knew she was devoted to her work, but was it so unreasonable to expect that on one day she could be devoted to him first? So yeah, he wished they’d agreed to meet at the restaurant because then they’d be in public and that somehow seemed like it would be easier to deal with.

All this was running through his head as he stared at the door of the flat that Addy shared with Brígh and Irina. He’d been standing outside for a few minutes now, but he only just brought up his hand to knock politely on the door. It was rotten to wish that they could just do this another night, any other night, but the thought had crossed his mind before he squashed it unceremoniously. It was their one-year anniversary, stacked on top of seven years of being best friends. He still liked her (could even say he loved her without blushing like he’d done at the beginning) and that should be the most important thing. He tapped the flowers against the side of his leg somewhat impatiently (it wasn’t such a big gesture like it was in the Muggle world considering he’d summoned them from the tip of his wand, but it still seemed like a romantic thing to do) as he waited for the door to open. They might be a little ruffled by the time she came out, but his nerves really demanded that he not stand still.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

Does it ever drive you crazy

Just how fast the night changes?

March 2027
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

Addy leaned against her bathroom counter and let out a long breath she’d been holding in. Compared to what Addy had faced in the past—Purifiers in a structure slowly burning to the ground via cursed fire, this was far more frightening. Her heart was racing a bit, especially as she obsessively checked the time, and only a minute had passed. And why? A fight, of course. Addy closed her eyes at the memory. Her boyfriend’s birthday, of all days to have one of their worst fights yet. There was a flipping, heavy feeling that she always felt in her chest at the thought.

The same feeling that followed her home after they would fight or she’d go home disappointed that while in the same room, they’d barely spend time together. While she had no physical marks, it still hurt. And so, the past few weeks had passed awkwardly. Addy threw herself into her work as a distraction. Working overtime so she’d be too exhausted to let her thoughts run wild, but she couldn’t help but remind him that their anniversary was approaching. While the affair began nearly a year and a half ago, it wasn’t until a year ago that they’d finally gotten on the same page. Why couldn’t it just feel as easy as it was in those days?

And much to her surprise, Cheese had done the planning for this. It was a change from the norm, and perhaps in another time and place, Addy would have been elated at the thought. That he would step up and take the initiative, but her heart still felt too heavy. But, it didn’t matter what she told him or tried to explain, and if she was being honest—being just a little late was not the end of the world. Addy enjoyed her work and wanted to succeed and move up more than anything, which meant long hours and intense focus, even on his birthday. And that part of her hadn’t changed since the day they’d met at age eleven in their first year, so his reaction had just been unexpected.

And so a fight had ensued, a bigger one than their previous spats, and Addy didn’t feel wrong. She still didn’t; this was probably the longest they’d gone without settling things after a fight. Addy stood up, double-checking her appearance for even just a hair out of place. There was still much to celebrate. Their one-year anniversary. And Merlin, if Brigh hadn’t been right in immediately seeing that Addy had obviously fallen in love with their best friend Raphael and he with her. When Addy returned to her room to retrieve her purse, she heard a knock, and her stomach felt like it had jumped into her chest for a moment. She forced herself to stand up straight and stopped at the door for a moment to breathe and gather herself.

Addy opened the door and saw her boyfriend's always familiar tall frame. She was happy to see him, even with that weight she still carried in her chest. ”Hey.” She greeted him, a soft grin appearing on her face. This wasn’t supposed to feel this awkward, but if he expected her to greet him with an apology, then he really had learned nothing about Addilyn Slater over the past eight years. She cleared her throat. ”Ready to go? Or…we have some time before the reservation, right?” Addy checked the time. As witches and wizards, they never had to factor in travel time before going anywhere, unfortunately.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

He felt his heart beat a little faster as the door opened and Addy peeked out at him from the other side. It was a familiar feeling to him, the same symptoms that would appear every time she smiled at him – his mouth would turn dry, he’d feel his pulse thundering in his ears. But loving Addy had been one of the few constants over the years, something that he could count on to never change even as classes changed from OWL to NEWT level and everything around them became more complicated. So the quick tap-tap-tap of his heart was familiar as his eyes wandered over her and he felt his cheeks redden. “Hey,” he said back, clearing his throat slightly, “Y-you look beautiful.”

It all felt so normal, in that split second where the door had opened and everything felt like it was supposed to on their anniversary. That second where his brain had stopped working because it always seemed to do that around her – which was unfortunate because Addy highly valued a functioning brain capable of carrying out simple thoughts. Oh well, he supposed that was what Brígh was for, to give Addy some educated company while he was off framing the perfect shot with his camera. Cheese glanced down at the flowers, still hanging loosely by his side, and seeing the rumpled petals reminded him what had gotten him so agitated only a few short minutes ago. His cheeks were still red, although there was a new tinge of awkwardness in his voice as he held them out and offered tentatively, “Er, these are for you.”

In normal circumstances, she’d probably have invited him in for a while. There was no hollering in the background or tackles by a red blur, so it was safe to assume that Brígh was abroad. It was supposed to be one of the advantages of being a wizard – look at how much time they saved with magical travel – but in this case it only made things more awkward. Thankfully, it looked like Addy’s quirky obsession with Muggle technology was going to save the day, because Cheese had planned something else. Not that a silent bus ride would be any less awkward, but there’d be other distractions. He reached into his pocket, fumbled around for a while to avoid the lint and loose change that he always forgot to take out, and eventually pulled out the thing that was as good as gold in this case.

“Er, this is Mum’s cr-credit card,” he said, stumbling over his words a little as he tried hard to remember what the Muggles called the plastic cards they used instead of a coin bag. But Mum had scolded him more than once yesterday for saying it wrong, so he supposed it was branded into his brain at this point. He cleared his throat and continued in a mumble. “Thought you’d want to take one of those double-decker busses. See how Muggles do it and all.” He shrugged like it was just a casual thought he’d had off the top of his head, and not a route he had frantically planned and practiced to avoid looking like an idiot in front of London’s substantial Muggle population. Cheese didn’t get the appeal – the Knight Bus had three decks, after all – but if his girlfriend liked it than that was the bottom line. As always, right?

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

Does it ever drive you crazy

Just how fast the night changes?

March 2027
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

The one time. The absolute one time that Brigh was away, Addy would have been more than happy to accept her presence as a buffer for this awkwardness. Addy was no stranger to uncomfortable situations. How often did she sit quietly through dinner, pretending to enjoy her mother’s terrible chicken? While simultaneously watching the rollercoaster of praise and criticism with Claire and the blatant condemnation of anything Grey did. And how could one forget that Christmas where Claire stopped short of casting an Unforgiveable Curse and instead resorting to physical violence via a gift bag. It was safe to say that Addy had encountered uncomfortable situations before.

But this was different. It all made sense when Addy played it out in her mind alone. Her goals and her ambitions were of the utmost importance. This was her future which was her responsibility and nobody else’s. One couldn’t distract themselves by chasing butterflies in a field because the weather was perfect where there was a career ladder to climb. But standing in the doorway and looking at him, Addy felt her heart sink at the reminder of the trade-off for that path. Cheese had also dressed for the occasion, and they didn’t often. Addy typically still with her Ministry robes and Cheese with his Prophet Identification Badge, both tired from their long days. Even in the evening light, she noted the pink coloring on his face, though it was her turn to blush at his compliment.

”Oh—thank you.” Addy accepted the flowers, noting where the petals were at an odd angle or slightly wrinkled. A few of them were utterly disheveled, but Addy swallowed her comments. This wasn’t the time nor the place. He had brought her flowers. Flowers for their anniversary, it was a thoughtful thing to do, but that was simply the type of guy he was. She smiled while she looked at them. ”They’re lovely.” She took a step back to walk back inside for a moment. ”I’ll just put these in a vase, and we can go.” And it really was quick work to summon a vase, caste another quick charm her mother was famous for to clear the dust and fill it with water. But her attention was quickly caught once more when Cheese spoke up again.

”A credit card?” Addy walked back to him, waving and locking the door closed behind her. Her blue eyes locked on the small item in his hand. She was asking a question, but there was clearly curiosity in her voice. ”Mum would never…” She mumbled to herself. Her mother would scoff at the idea, nose turned up in the air at that perfect angle purebloods did. Slowly she looked up at him—Merlin maybe he had been listening when Addy mentioned the buses a few times. Among the other things she found interesting about the Muggle World and what she learned at work. ”Just as long as you get some good pictures.” She encouraged him, noting the camera bag he always faithfully brought with him.

On any other day, she might have rolled her eyes at the sight of the bag, but the boat had been rocked significantly enough lately. And Addy was irritated at how much of her attention span it took up when she had work to do. The selfish need within herself to push forward and everything be on track and alright needed him to be all right so she could be as well. But bringing It up felt like a concession, so Addy, at the moment, could quite literally not form the words. Instead, she cleared her throat lightly and slipped her hand into his free one. She was ready when he was.

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