It's been a long, long time ¦ Rob

[Lyra Horváth]

The Black Forest, Germany
Late September 2027.

After going through one transformation alone and without the pharmacological intervention of Wolfsbane or AwareWolf, she had felt like giving up altogether. In her mind, at this point, it was easier to give in and lay down and die than go through another transformation of agonizing torture. In reality, she had very little to live for anyway. In her opinion, she was long dead to her family of course, other than Hanna. No real friends. A Wolfish mate that had abandoned her at possibly her weakest point. There would be nobody to miss her at least. Nobody to grieve and pine for her, or so she thought.

Except it wasn't really that easy.

Every time she tried to give up, to just accept what seemed to be her future; the beast inside took over. The survivalist instincts that had kept her alive, and driven her to keep going after she had left school had kicked in. The impulse to beg borrow and steal no matter what to hold on in the years afterward before she settled with Rob reared its ugly head and kept her going. Shut off mentally, her instincts had worked to keep her body on autopilot; keeping her fed and watered as needed. It was rare she ventured to the closest village for food, she'd gone feral on that side of things. Each night retiring to the foundations and half-built walls of the cottage. She found more than shelter from the weather in its half-built walls and strips of tarpaulin; inside the wards and spells she had placed, she was sheltered from the world and anyone who came looking for her.

As the cycle burned on again and another full moon was beginning to roll around, Lyra felt it in her bones. She didn't keep track of the date anymore, but she didn't have to. She felt it as her body began to respond to the cycle it was preprogrammed to since her attack. She knew it would be worse this month as her body was well and truly unreliant on her mate, or rather ex-mate. Suffering the effects of a transformation alone this month would likely cripple her. She hoped once and for all, but perhaps she would be that lucky either. For the most part, she had tried to lay low in the shelter of the trees overhead. It was likely overly hopeful that she thought the shade would do much for her, but at least she could lay and wait for the damned sun to go in and pray for the coolness the night would hopefully bring the break the heat of the day.

_______________________________________________________________


It was dark when she awoke. She wasn't sure how long she had been laying there in half sleep, trying to ignore the pains and spasms that ran through her body like clockwork. Assumedly the need for sleep had taken over and eventually she had been able to drift off, but whether it had been one hour or six was unknown. Likely closer to the later, considering now she was in pitch darkness, save for the prisms of moonlight that broke through some of the branches overhead. For a moment she paused, gripped by a staggering pain in her head; like it was suddenly being squeezed in a vice. Standing up she tried to almost shake it off, but it only made it worse. Now there was also a dull ache growing in her chest. Between them, and in her hazy half dreamlike state it was like she was fevered; delirious with the effects of her upcoming transformation. She wasn't quite sure why, but something inside her was telling her to move, to get away from this spot. She was only briefly aware of herself as her legs began to carry her almost drunkenly through the forest. Narrowly avoiding trees she moved in a zig-zag pattern, her movements erratic as something inside her told her she just had to move. Eventually, the pain in her chest became too much and she stopped to lean against one of the larger tree trunks.

The fogging feeling that clouded her brain made her feel like she had been drugged. Like an addict that just couldn't break out of whatever terrible downward spiral that had begun to take over her body.

Rubbing her fingers over her clammy temple, she looked skyward for a moment toward the moon. Praying for some sort of relief to this horrible state she found herself in, she was suddenly gripped by overbearing nausea. Doubling over, she barely stayed upright as she lent against the trunk and began to empty what little there was in her stomach. 


EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Something kept drawing him back to this place. Some itching feeling in his bones, some inexplicable pull back to this spot. Rob had quickly deduced that he was deep in the Black Forest in southern Germany. It had long been the site of ghost stories and faerie tales, with a long history of magic. Perhaps that was why what he quickly figured out was the bond kept bringing him back there. Perhaps by engaging with a site so connected to the Earth, to the well of magic that somewhere he was drawing from, he could find peace from the endless longing in his blood.

Rob hadn't been keeping track of the moon charts, but had always been good about taking his doses of Aware Wolf. Of course, he'd helped create it - and thus the transformations had become less painful and less problematic. One dose before the full moon, and he was sorted. As Rob walked aimlessly through the thick trunks of the forest, he hardly noticed the sun setting, the light turning red as it filtered through the trees. Though Rob thought his wandering had no destination, he quickly learned that something was tugging him in a certain direction. Like an invisible string pulling him, drawing him along a path that he couldn't see.

Rob heard her before he saw her. His whole body locked up at the sound of retching, before his heart picked up double time and his legs forced him forward. She looked an absolute mess - rings of fatigue circling her eyes, hair matted and skin grey. It seemed when she fled she'd neglected to take any earthly possessions, including her werewolf potions. She leaned weakly against a tree as she emptied the contents of her stomach, but hardly anything came out. He opened his mouth but couldn't get his voice to work. The need to feel her proximity overwhelmed him and before he knew it, Rob was by her side, brushing her hair away from her face as she was sick. "Lyra," said Rob at last, his voice cracking with disuse.

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

Lyra imagined she looked just as bad as she felt, possibly worse. She hadn't caught a glimpse of herself or bothered to now for some weeks. Other than cooling off in ponds or rivers here and there her hygiene had gone by the wayside and her hair was lank and lifeless, greasy as it clung to her head. Her skin reflected how poorly her diet had been, as well as the evident weight loss in her gaunt features and dark circles under her eyes. Her whole demeanor was sickly and lifeless; her outside was very much a reflection of how her insides felt.

She had been just about able to stop the gut-wrenching noises as she heard someone move just outside of her periphery. It took her a moment to quell the feeling, but when it came to a stop she let her ears tune in to the noise of the movements. Living in the forest and letting her body take over had made her rely on her senses that much more without even realising it. Picking up on Rob's movements, she frowned in concentration. She knew those noises, how whoever it was moved. They were more familiar to her than she would have liked. It took her a moment to place them though. Her blurred mind was to thank for that.

Rob was standing over her before she could process it.

At first, when he touched her, she froze under his fingertips; his touch had become so alien to her. Staring, she didn't react at first. No, it was taking too much strength and concentration to stand upright right now. She couldn't fall in front of him though, couldn't falter. She was much too proud to allow that. When he spoke her name, the way his voice cracked, that was what drew her back to reality. It was then she registered that this was in fact happening, Rob was standing in front of her. How the hell had he found her? Nobody was supposed to find her out here, she hadn't wanted to be found. That was the whole point of coming here. It was easier to shut herself away than be around people anymore. In her hours of reflection, she had come to realise she never should have gone back to the UK, back to people. Being alone was easier for her and likely always would be. Now Rob was here, the dull ache that had been in her chest had turned to an unbearable sharp pain. Trying to ignore it, she clutched a hand to her chest and pulled away from him with as much venom as she could muster. Silent and without words, but in protest a feeble growl or protest escaped under her breath. Turning from him she moved to now lean on her other side, but still reliant on the tree in her frail state.

She didn't know why he had come for her, but even in her hazy state; she knew she'd fight like hell not to give in to the longing in her chest even if it killed her. Logically she should, hell him just being here was already easing the nausea. But no, he wasn't her mate anymore, at least in her mind, even if it seemed her body hadn't gotten that memo and was pining for him.

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Lyra broke away from Rob without speaking, which he supposed he should have expected after their frosty previous meeting. It was obvious they were both at war with the bond, but for different reasons. Stubborn, headstrong Lyra had returned, refusing to allow Rob to kiss away the pain. And then there was Rob - who didn't even know what to do about the bond, and how it differed between natural instinct and nurtured feelings. Pain flashed across his face as Lyra stumbled away from him, and Rob recalled his conversation with Rhys. Did he love Lyra?

Watching her now, Rob knew the answer was yes. The same answer he'd given Rhys all those weeks ago. The bond was supposed to find a wolf's perfect match, was it not? Rob couldn't say for certain that much was true, but he was willing to fight for it. They both had their flaws, and yet... it would be so much more of a struggle than he'd thought.

Rob kept his distance, his eyes trained on Lyra in case she was sick again. But it seemed there was nothing left for her to get out. He didn't make the same mistake of touching her - it was clear she was too fragile for that. "Have you had your potion?" asked Rob, though he knew the answer already. Of course Lyra hadn't been taking her potion. She'd reverted back to the half feral state she'd been in for so long before they met. Rob didn't understand how she allowed herself this pain, but then again, he had never been much of a masochist. "I have some aware wolf," he murmured, but still, he didn't move, didn't reach into his cloak and withdraw the vial. How many times had Lyra refused it? Had preferred to be a monster than to deal with the unknown. Resentment licked at his insides as he stared at Lyra, trying to work out the best approach to a wounded animal.

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

Leaning on the tree she kept her back to him as she tried to gather herself. It was impossible though. Every last modicum of self respect have gone out the window when he crept up on her throwing up whatever little bile was left in her stomach. No. She hadn’t wanted anyone to see her like this. But she hadn’t realised just how awful she would feel now that she had been. Never thinking it would weigh on her so heavy, she paused, gathering what little strength she had left to attempt to push herself to a stand, to walk away from Rob with some ounce of dignity.

It wasn’t entirely a surprise when she failed, but her pride wouldn’t let her. Stumbling it took her a moment, a feeble whimper escaping her lips. Clamping her lips shut to mask anything else that may betray her, eventually she got there. All she wanted to do was walk away from Rob like he had walked away from her. It was just too bad that it was agonising to do so. She was unsure of what was making it suddenly so much worse. She wanted to think it was because it was getting closer to the full moon, but she knew in her gut that it was likely because she was denying herself of what would make every throbbing inch of her all better. Her body was at war with her mind. The beastly bond wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and just give in. Her mate was in front of her (metaphorically) and she knew it would make the suffering ease.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she paused to fight with herself again. It was too close to the full moon. Her body was winning. Through gritted teeth and laboured breathing she made another effort to move away from him, but when she opened her eyes he was there in front of her again. Giving her space, he knew better than that of course but he was still standing close enough for her to smell him. For the intense feeling in her chest to only strengthen. She couldn’t full concentrate on what he was saying, the hazy fever like state was making that too difficult. So much of her strength was going into trying though, even if she didn’t exactly want to hear him, her body was trying. With a grimace, she squinted at him as if that would help focus on the words. The effort was futile. Though it was enough.

When he pulled out the small vial of awarewolf, the saviour, her sense cleared. Just enough to focus on the tiny bottle. She didn’t have to hear what he was saying to know what it was. It hd been the cause of enough consternation early on in their relationship to not be familiar with it. Though hesitant at first, with good reason in her mind, she had settled in to taking it monthly with Rob. Between that and having her mate at her side, the full moon transformation had gone from something that plunged her into self loathing once a month to something she actually looked forward to. The last two months it hadn’t been that easy though. After her first transformation alone it had taken her days to recover and feel like herself again. Those days were when she found herself longing for and missing Rob the most. Those were the days she has cried and wanted to just be left in the ridiculous summer heat to curl up and die. But she hadn’t, her body had taken over and pushed her into survival mode; much to her own disgust.

Just like it did now, she felt a sudden burst of strength and heard herself emitting a low growl as she lunged forward and snatched the bottle from him. It only took her a moment to grapple with the catch before she threw the liquid down her throat and sucked what she could from the bottle. It was over in a flash and the self hatred started almost instantly. Like an addict who had gotten their fix and now despised themselves for it, she flopped back against the trunk of the tree and slid down it into a heap at its base. She hadn’t wanted to give in to Rob and allow him to win, but her body had taken over and now all she could do was close her eyes and wait for her fix to ease her and take away the smog that flooded her brain.


EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob had expected Lyra to resist his help. He had expected her stubborn nature, the ferocity he had so loved, to guide her as it did now. What he didn't expect, however, was the relief that settled on his shoulders even just by being closer to her. He could see the same feeling shifting through her, though Lyra tried to deny it. This strange, and often disconcerting bond between them struck unknowable feeling into them. Rob drew strength from it, knowing that he couldn't turn his back on Lyra again. Not even for such a little thing.

Lyra didn't seem to be listening, but her eyes zeroed in on the small vial that was concealed in his pocket. He had only mentioned it, wary of the fact that she had been so hesitant to take it in the first place. In the end, he stuffed a hand in his pocket and held out the vial. She snatched it from his grip and tipped it down her throat. Rob's gaze dropped down the column of her throat, noting the scratches and marks of dirt. He wanted to take her home, to sit her in the shower and gently scrub away every ugly moment from the past two months. To wipe themselves clean and to return to just being Lyra and Rob. Without issue, without restraint.

Rob took the empty vial back from Lyra, his eyes still latched onto her as she sunk down against the tree trunk. Rob knelt beside her, reaching out tentatively and touching her knee. "Lyra..." he started, something sparking as his fingertips brushed her exposed flesh. But he didn't know what else to say. An apology for walking away wouldn't be enough. At the crux of it, they hadn't solved any of their problems or differences. But right now was not the time for that. As the moon rise drew steadily nearer, Rob felt the ripple of the shift through his spine. "It's coming soon," said Rob quietly, wondering if the dose of aware wolf would be enough to help Lyra keep her mind.

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

All she wanted was to collapse into him. To cling to her mate. For him to make it all better. The physical side of her wolfishness, of the bond wanted her to give in and just give herself to him; her mate. But for all the good the Awarewolf was doing as it began to course through her veins, it allowed her to hold on to the stubbornness with the small amount of mental capacity she clung to thanks to Rob's potion.

Teeth grit, she leaned back on the trunk of the tree. Every drop of rain on her bare skin felt like a tiny hypodermic needle stabbing at her thanks to the hypersensitivity of her lychan state. Letting out a quiet growl, she let the Awarewolf flow through her veins, carrying relief to every part of her body like oxygen from her lungs. Bit by bit her nausea eased. The brain fog was lifting, and her senses were sharpening. At first, she was unsure of whether it was from the Awarewolf, or because the full moon was descending so quickly unto them. It was likely a mixture of both, but she wasn't to know that. She found a new strength making its way through her body. The strength, although she would deny it, was likely from having Rob so close. She despised herself for it; being dependent on someone. As much as she knew she loved him deep down, she loathed the weird way it was his touch that had brought her peace and stilled what had been growing in her for a week.

With another spasm coursing through her body, she tensed, not noticing Rob's hand on her. Or rather purposely ignoring it so she didn't have to address it. The volume of her growl was greater this time. It was only a matter of time now till the transformation would come upon them. Maybe ten minutes, maybe an hour. Every minute was agony to Lyra. The stubborn side of her wanted to push Rob away, but she knew she couldn't. This month she had felt like she wanted to die. To reject her mate now, so close, it might just actually finish her off altogether. That would be good in a way, she pondered for a moment, she'd get what she wanted. But it would go against every unfortunate survivalist instinct the Wolffish side of her thrived on. As Rob addressed her, she flinched again. It was a pain, but not a physical one. Her name dripping off of his tongue hurt in a way much worse than her hypersensitivity did at that moment.

Another flash of pain as she felt her muscles begin to rip apart had her crying out in pain. Then she heard Rob's voice. Soft and surprisingly audible against the rising storm. It was then she found herself squeezing her eyes shut to avoid the tears spilling over. She hadn't banked on them. She had assumed she had been too dry altogether to cry. And now she was furious to find herself showing the loathsome sign of weakness. "I know Robbie....and I don't want it to. I'm scared..I don't want it to come this time...I hate it." scared of what she wasn't quite sure. Her tone was low and cracked every few words. The tears she hoped weren't so obvious as she turned her head away from him, hating every inch of herself in the moment. But he was right. It was coming and there was no stopping it.

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Darkness settled upon the forest as the sun dipped below the horizon. The beast beneath his skin beckoned, and Rob shifted with discomfort. He didn't know how Lyra would react to this moon after this time apart. After not taking her potions as directed. Rob didn't even know if this one dose of Aware wolf would be enough - he hoped so. But there was a growl stirring deep in his chest as control threatened to desert him.

"Before you, I never wanted it to come," he managed to say, his pupils dilating as the shift started. "But with you, I am not so afraid." A sliver of moonlight filtered through the trees, dappling the pair in silver as Rob forced himself away from Lyra, allowing his monstrous side to break through. The shift tore through his body, a howl ripping from his throat as he transformed into the great beast that stole his body, but never his mind, not anymore.

Lyra Horváth
do you want to time jump or end?

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

THE NEXT MORNING~

There was a strange buzzing in Rob's ears. And a distinct soreness in his head. As if he'd been stuffed with cotton overnight. He knew to associate this feeling with the bestial transformation he underwent every month, but this one felt different. The memories returned to him in a rush - finally finding Lyra after weeks of searching, reuniting with her only to have her try to deny him. But the bond went deeper than that.

There was a soft bed of grass beneath him, and as Rob opened his eyes, dappled sunlight filtered through the trees. He stretched his long limbs, relishing in his own humanity once more. He took stock of his body - fingers, toes and everything in between unscathed. Then his gaze fell on Lyra. Her dark hair covered her face as she lay beside him, their legs tangled despite her determination to push him away before the shift. For a long moment, Rob simply watched her. Emotion swirled in his chest - his duplicity, her betrayal and a mixture of confusion and longing were ones that he could put a name to. But the tear that had wrenched apart his soul was slowly stitching itself back up, just with one night.

Rob didn't move, continuing to watch Lyra. Nothing had changed - not really. Their relationship, despite the bond, was still broken. They'd both made mistakes, and both needed to repent. But was this the time? When Lyra still looked so fragile that she might just break?

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

Lyra's mind had tried to fight, but her wild side had taken over in the throes of the full moon and she was forced to give in. The night was a blur for the most part. Despite the small and desperate suckle of Awarewolf, she had been able to keep in her right mind. But not entirely. She was aware of her actions and had control over her body as a Wolf, but it was like snaps of it were being seen in the third person. At some points it was as if she was watching a badly edited film. In other parts of the night, she had felt fuzzy, on the edge of beastliness and herself. Like people were before they fell into being blackout drunk. It blurred lines and made her decisions questionable.

But then Rob had been there.

Unable to deny their bond she had given himself to him, and fortunately it had worked. It eased the symptoms. It made the transformation lessen physically in ways she knew it would, but didn't want to beleive. However, the internal battle with her pride had done her no favours.

They had spent the night together and it had made the shift bearable once again. It had eased the pain and spasms. It had even made passing the time of the night borderline pleasant. Anyone who looked at them now, Lyra curled up against him looking more peaceful than she had been in a long time, and Rob's protective form beside her, one would have thought they were the picture of a happy couple. They were, that was until Lyra woke up and things shifted. It took her a few moments for her to come to consciousness. The sun was strong, too strong and it made her wince, and screw her face up. Lifting a hand she rubbed a bleary eye and moved slowly, shifting and stretching her limbs in an effort to make them wake up piece by piece. The memories of the night before didn't come back to her at once.

As her left arm flexed and she opened her eyes, she began to recognise her surroundings. Like a peculiar type of hangover, it took a few seconds for her brain to catch up with her body and begin to work out that she wasn't in a bed. It took her a second to remember why, while somewhat stiff, she felt as content and satiated as she did. Her mind dawdled before it remembered whose warm form was pressed against hers. Rob. It was then a sudden wave of nausea hit her that had nothing to do with the change. Feeling her stomach flip with the change in mood, she suddenly felt much more awake. Jerking away, she pulled the leg she had so lazily draped over his hip away, her face blanched as she moved and avoided looking at him. Sick fury settled in her. So outraged with herself, the fact that she had given in, it took her another second to work out what to do. After a split second of being suspended in the moment she rolled away from him and as if on a duelling platform, in one swift movement she was on her feet and turned away from him. With a glance around the clearing she realised it was familiar, not far from where they had started last night. From the foundations. Without hesitation or a backward glance at Rob, she started walking back toward there. There was only a millisecond of a pause were she had to fight the bile building in her throat before she put even further distance between them and started to make her way through the trees.

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Lyra roused herself slowly, then all at once. She shifted lazily, then suddenly stiffened. Remembering. In a second, she shot away from him, the absence of her warmth chilling him to the bone. Rob sat up as she looked around rather dizzily, paler than usual. They were both naked, their clothes having been shed as the shift had over them both. Lyra unsteadily got to her feet, and stumbled away from him.

Fury sparked in Rob, so hot that it burned. He was on his feet, his hand wrapping around her wrist like a manacle. "No," he growled, tugging her wrist so that she had to turn and face him. "You don't get to run away. You stop being a coward and we face this," said Rob, his tone as firm as the vice-like grip he held her with. "That's your problem. You have no courage. Where is your fight?" he seethed, his voice dripping with the frustration and hurt that had been building for weeks.

"You talk to me. I am your mate. Does that mean nothing?" Lyra's behaviour had driven Rob to the edge of sanity, and he was standing on the precipice, torn. "I'm finished watching everything I do and say around you so I don't hurt your feelings. This is insane. This isn't happiness," he added bitingly, his eyes flashing. "This is selfishness, Lyra." As much as it hurt to land the words, Rob knew he had to be honest with Lyra. Every moment he had missed her like he was missing a part of himself. But Rob couldn't deny that the separation had made him see things more clearly. That their partnership sometimes felt unnatural, despite being the most natural thing in the world. They were supposed to work together. Not run away when things got hard.

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

Like a newborn fawn, shaky on her legs, she had started back towards the foundations. Back to her bag and to her belongings. She wanted to cover herself up, detesting how exposed she was in her natural state. Another reason to loathe the shift she had to go through once a month. She wanted to cover up her nakedness. What she really wanted was to shower and wash the stench of the night before off of her, but that wouldn't happen way out here in the woods. So for now, dressing herself would have to do. Of course Rob hadn't thought that way, though. As soon as she felt the rough tug at her wrist, she yelped loudly. Half with the shock of it, and half with the unexpected pain it caused to jolt from her socket. At once she pulled away, but her instincts let her down. He was stronger, of course, and the grip her had on her was too much for her to break out of. Self-loathing washed over her again. Humiliated, she had to give in.

"Let GO of me Ep-key" She growled, giving her wrist another tug. "Just because I'm forced to face the fact that I'm a monster, doesn't mean I'm an animal. I wanted to get my bag to get dressed." Her tone was sharp, even if she was on the edge of tears. "Mate or not I don't feel like being exposed in general right now. Never mind around you" In vain she attempted to inject venom into her tone, but she knew it was likely a flop. Face blotchy, and hot, she knew Rob likely knew that she was near tears too. Which only made her feel worse. She hadn't felt this emotional after a full moon in a long time. In some semblance of fight, she pulled her wrist again. This time Rob admitted the defeat enough for her to take the final few steps into the half built foundations of the cottage where she'd stashed her bag and belongings. It was difficult when naked and fighting to reserve any decency and dignity. It didn't stop her though. Back to him, she busied herself searching through the backpack she'd once carried her worldly belongings in, to his flat. After a moment she pulled a tatty dress out. It had seen better days and with what little she'd eaten it hung limply on her. But it was enough. She wasn't winning any beauty pageants, but it covered her up and that was enough for what little dignity she had left.

It was then he spoke and really riled her up. "You want to talk about Selfishness Rob, really?" her tone was quiet as she finally set her gaze on him. Dripping in temper, it was worse than if she screamed at him. The few feet between them seemed almost chasmic at that moment.

Lyra took a breath to try and steady herself, but it failed. Her voice came out in a small crack anyway. "You left me. You walked away and left me sitting there by myself like an idiot." The more that tumbled out of her, the more that threatened to burst free. Despite how calm and collected she was trying to force herself to be, it was there, threatening to get out. With a shaking breath, she tried to speak again, her voice becoming more high-pitched as she lost control of it no matter how hard she tried not to let her emotions through.

"Look I'm sorry that who you fell in love with has changed. I'm sorry that as I'm becoming more confident and settled in myself means seeing parts of me I haven't seen for years, since back before I was bitten. I don't like it at times either." Turning away from him she closed her eyes for a moment, cursing herself. She had thought this over in the last few weeks, but had never wanted to admit it. Never did she think she'd be standing here having to explain it to Rob. Her tone quietened and she purposely avoided her gaze still, it made it easier to speak "When I was bitten, I didn't have time to process any of it. I boxed everything off. I shut down. I survived that was it. It was all I could do. Finding you was so wonderful. I'd written my life off, and then came you." Exhaling deeply she found herself pausing, still loathing the fact she was telling him all this. Admitting it.

"It made it ok to be a monster. We were the same. You were my mate." With a lame attempt at a smile, she sniffled. Now she was crying. "We were together. And I don't know, it let me process things in my head. It let me relax. To live, and not just survive. I got to take down the wall, and I guess I haven't built anything back up yet. I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes I'm the old me. The chirpy little girl I was before I was bitten. I can be that with you because I'm safe, and it's great. But then you say you don't know me anymore. And yeah that's when I doubt myself because I guess I don't either. I don't know who I am. Or who I'm meant to be anymore." Lifting a hand she wiped at her blurring eyes. "And that's why you left me"

"I hate myself. I hate this. I hate tis fucking place. I wouldn't have even had to ask you for money for the Shard if I hadn't poured so much into rebuilding this stupid fucking place.." now redirecting her anger elsewhere, the whirlwind of emotions had picked up a loose piece of scaffolding and swung it, shattering the remnants of a window that lay against the gable wall. "Just leave again, please. It's easier that way." Now her tone was quiet, defeated after the outburst. Finally looking at him, eyes glistening, se said with a shrug "I think I must have been made to be alone"

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob let out a primal noise of frustration. "Stop! Stop being so fucking low on yourself, Lyra. It's wildly unappealing," he spat, though he let go of her as she asked. It seemed they would be having this out whether they were ready to or not. The conversation - argument - that would define where they went from here. As he glared at her, bright red spots appeared on her face and Rob knew she was close to tears. There was a pang in his chest, but he dutifully ignored it. His incandescent rage had descended upon his mind like a fog, and all he could see was red. "Needing to cover up. How pedestrian," Rob scoffed. Leave it to the British to be so concerned about decency. They were alone in the woods - and Lyra laid bare was nothing he hadn't seen before.

"I made a mistake. I needed time to think. I am sorry my reaction was not what you wanted, but you must not know me at all if you thought I was going to be over the moon about that place," spat Rob. "But I went home. That night. I went to Rhys' for a few hours to clear my head. And then I went home. To you. To talk. But you had run away, like you always fucking do. It's been weeks Lyra! Weeks! You left me!" he exclaimed, overwhelmed at the injustice of it all.

"And there you go again. Apologising. Acting like you've done nothing wrong. This has nothing to do with that. This is about how you had no spine. If you'd been forthright with me from the beginning, we wouldn't be having this conversation! If you had taken the time to think, like, maybe? Hey. Rob! I have a great idea for a business. I'm going to turn this stuffy bar into a sick place for everyone but I'll need a little help. Rather than springing this shit on me from nowhere!" His breath was coming in short puffs now as he riled himself up further. It seemed the beast within him hadn't retreated as the sun had come up this morning.

A bit of the anger simmered as Lyra swiped at her eyes, the admission that she hardly knew herself anymore ringing with truth. "I want to help and support. I want you to rage at me and come to me as a partner. I left because I wasn't in the right state of mind at the moment, and nothing productive would have come from that. But why did you leave? Did you think that I would never come back? Try to work things out?" Rob laughed hollowly. "You don't know me either," he said, but his voice was quieter.

"You're not a monster. Not anymore. Not with the leaps and bounds in werewolf research. Yes, we're cursed until I find a cure. Because I will. But you're too busy hating yourself to have any sensed of hope that things can change. They already have," said Rob. His brows leapt into his hair as he looked around, noticing for the first time the foundations of a house in the woods. It only served to stoke the fire in him further. "You were building something?" he asked, his tone quiet though deadly. It was just another example of how little Lyra cared about him - they were to be partners, and yet she insisted on doing everything herself. His nostrils flared as he tried to tamp down the emotion surging through him. "Being like this... being like us. It means sacrifice and hard work and trusting where you wouldn't ordinarily," said Rob when he managed to get his voice even. "Do you even want to try?"

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

Unappealing. Pedestrian. His words stabbed at her in only ways his could. Before she had found Rob she cared very little what people thought about her. She had nobody and cared for nobody really. There was hanna horváth of course, but other than that it was just number one she had to look out for. Now, as insignificant as his insults were, they still got to her. She cared deeply about what he thought of her, more than she cared to admit. The words were flippant, said in the moment just to niggle at her. And it worked in ways only Rob could get to her. Still she tried to ignore it, but it was difficult to shake all the same.

"I'm not apologising. I'm explaining my actions." her chest puffed out, readying for a fight. Rob wasn't giving in, well nor would she. "It's not like I always do. I just got the message you didn't want me and saved the rejection Ep-key. I save the trouble of having to deal with it face-to-face. That's all. I didn't know you were going to come back at all. Or if at all, when." Her words were truthful but came out in spiteful little spits. "I thought you'd be better off without me if you did come back. So I did you a favour." quietening somewhat her tone dropped, softening just enough to let her vulnerability show. "I thought if you came back, it would make things worse. And you deserved better. Someone better. So I left."

Letting that fact ruminate, she remained quiet for another moment. His talk of hope washed over her slowly. He was right of course, things had been better recently, even if she had been hesitant about taking Awarewolf to begin with. At the word cure she swallowed and looked down away from him. She was happy that while he hadn't had an easy time after his bite obviously, he had suffered nowhere near as much trauma as she had in processing the changes after it all. Being locked up at Hogwarts to transform after being force-fed Wolfsbane for the week. The physical scars that marred her, that she had worked so hard to keep covered up. The years spent truly alone. Until there had been him. Even now, with a mate, in her mind, she would always be a Monster. She didn't have anything to say in response, all she could do was hope he understood where she was coming from. Instead, she followed his gaze in silence around the half-built walls. Eventually, she spoke when she felt the need to explain. Her was still low, the edge now melted away from it; instead only the cracked sadness remained. Slowly nodding she began to explain.

"I'm not doing the building work no, obviously." looking around she took in the half-built walls and building supplies. "I came across a derelict cottage here years ago. Recently I hired people to restore it. To make it a home for us, a getaway. I wanted to surprise you for our anniversary. A bonding present or something stupid like that. They had the base foundations laid and were moving on to the real surprise; a basement potions lab. I thought we could come here to transform and run the forests. Or just to get away. It doesn't matter now, but this is where I came to. This is where I've been" dropping her gaze she looked away from him solemnly again. She was quiet for the longest time before her voice cracked again in barely a whisper. She thought her tears had dried up, but they came again in a flood. Defeated, she gave in.

"Of course I want to try Robbie. I'm struggling but of course. You've given me something I never thought possible anymore; hope. A life worth living"

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

There was a part of Rob that wanted to stop fighting, but he knew the same wounds would be torn open time and time again if they didn't fix the deeper cut. "That's just it, Lyra. You don't want to face things head on, but that's the only way to sort out a problem. You talk about it, and you fix it," he said, his voice surprisingly steady. "You don't run away." Rob wanted to shake sense into her, but he knew he could do with taking his own advice. He exhaled sharply through his nostrils, knowing that he had made a mistake that day but he was at least willing to fix it.

So much had changed since Rob and Lyra had been bitten. There had been huge steps forward in werewolf legislation, with equality for all beasts, beings and humans. Aware Wolf had been tested and perfected to ease the symptoms of transformation. And Rob had to cling to the hope that one day, with all these advancements, he would find a cure and lycanthropy would be a passing thought rather than a curse. With Lyra's talk of finding someone better, that frustrating piece of his mind wandered towards Sienna. They'd never had such a big blowout like this - but then again, they'd had years practicing how they could communicate with one another. There was hardly anything held back between them - except of course, how Rob had felt about her for years. His jaw tightened and his eyes flashed as he pushed Sienna out of his mind.

Another bombshell. Would Lyra never learn to trust him? Rob turned his attention towards the derelict foundations as Lyra explained what she was doing here. Rob's insides shrivelled up with guilt as he cast his gaze around, immediately imagining what she'd had in mind. It was perfect. It would have been perfect. "Lyra," he started, but his voice cracked. What was he going to say anyways? What even was there left to say? Rob deflated, the fight going out of him. He took a deep breath, and then a second. "I wish I'd known where you were. That you were safe, if not okay," said Rob at last, glancing at Lyra's near emaciated form.

Lyra Horváth