Harness Your Hopes | Alfie

[Esther Garnet]

Earlier that morning, Esther snuck her way back to the flat after spending the night at Archie’s place, and headed straight for her room then napped a good few hours away. A casual hook up with her colleage/friend/FWB/situationship hadn’t been a part of the blonde’s Friday night plans originally, but after walking in on an unexpected date the night before that Alfie had going back in their home with Alora, and very much picking up on the vibe that she wasn’t wanted there, she kinda had to pivot and make herself scarce.

It wasn’t the nicest feeling; being uncomfortable in one’s own home, but Esther wasn’t even sure if that was really at the crux of what had made this whole scenario so… unbearable. For all of the time that she had been away, she had done a lot of introspective thinking of sorts. Being away from Alfie and having left their friendship the way they did was truly hard on her. Esther had never imagined herself being the kind of person who would ever get married and settle down with one person, but the more she thought about it, the more she realised that Alfie was her person. Even if she didn’t imagine that in a traditional way, but maybe more in the sense that they would be best friends and room mates and drinking buddies for the rest of their lives or something. But that was unrealistic - they were getting older now. Maybe it was time to grow up, and maybe Alfie had taken that first step before she had. The way it felt was like Esther deep down had anticipated this moment happening one day and now she was witnessing it and there was the potential for him to slip out from between her fingers. He was going to move on and Esther would remain here in this position, as she always had, fundamentally alone.

It was already late afternoon and there was no sign of either of the aforementioned lovebirds anywhere in the flat when Esther finally woke up. Alfie’s door was closed, and she hadn’t bothered checking on him in case he was hiding a redhead somewhere risking a more awkward version of last night’s events. In the past, Esther would have revelled in one of Alfie’s awkward walks of shame. It’d give her ammunition for a good old fashioned piss-taking. But it felt very different this time. She didn't even want to think about it.

Esther was sitting at the kitchen table now, at long last enjoying her relaxing home time, finally showered and changed into some comfortable leggings, woolen socks and her old oversized Weird Sisters tee. She sat quietly skimming the latest Witch Weekly and sipping on her second coffee while the trashy contents of the magazine took her mind off of her contemplative, self-examining thoughts.

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

Sunlight streamed through the curtains of Alfie’s bedroom. His face was smushed into the pillow, passed out with his phone alarm buzzing under another pillow. Groggily, he sat up, rubbing his eyes and wincing as he was hit with a head-splitting hangover. Man, hangovers got worse every time he drank. Flashes of memories from last night fluttered past his eyelids. He fell back into the pillow, an arm falling in the empty spot where Alora once laid.

The night Alfie had with Alora was unforeseen but not completely out of the blue. He knew the way they looked at each other wasn't just friends. There were drunken confessions the led them to the bed. He could barely remember but he knew it was good. They had a lot to talk about.

On the other hand, Alfie was still concerned about how he’d handle the Esther situation - but he was confident they’d get past it. Alfie would make it up to Esther somehow. Whether it be buying her a case of her favorite French wine and/or offering to clean dishes for the rest of the year. Okay, maybe not the dishes, but he’d figure something out. Esther was his best and longest friend, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her.

Now it was well into the afternoon and Alfie's mouth was dryer than the Sahara desert. After finally prying himself from the warmth of his bed, he pulled on his sweats and a hoodie over his head, not yet worrying about the birds nest in his hair. Disregarding the fact that he looked like a chaotic trash demon emerging from his cave, he beelined straight for the fridge to pour a glass of water. He pounded two full glasses of waters before realizing Esther was sitting at the table enjoying her coffee. Alfie let out a satisfying sigh before turning around on his heel, finally facing Esther. "Fuck-" he flinched with a chuckle, losing his breath in his throat as he held back a ladylike squeal. The look on his face showed that he didn't expect the blonde to be there perched with her coffee at the table. "Hey." Alfie greeted quickly, hazel eyes falling on her to watch her carefully as he decided if he should just say sorry now...or pretend like nothing happened like they usually did. That coffee smelled heavenly.

Esther Garnet

[Esther Garnet]

The creaking of a door indicated that there indeed was life inside of Alfie’s room. She had been dreaming up scenarios around what she would do if the pair surfaced together and started acting all loved up in front of her. She wouldn’t be able to deal with that level of cringe today. Esther listened to the sound of footsteps as they emerged, counting for how many pairs there might be, inwardly annoyed at the thought of them both appearing in front of her.

But the coast was clear for now - it was just Alfie, and he beelined straight past her to the fridge. Cupping her coffee mug in her hands, Esther’s eyes locked on the back of his head as he pounded enough water to fill the Black Lake, clearly oblivious to her presence.

When he eventually turned around and clocked her existence with the amount of surprise that he did, Esther arched a brow “Wow… It’s like you keep forgetting that I live here or something?” the blonde had a tendency to deliver her sarcasm in a rather deadpan way, but a small smirk was tugging at the corners of her mouth in amusement of Alfie and his current state. He certainly seemed to be in a worse state than her, which was satisfying in a way.

“Big night then?” She pushed the pot of coffee a couple of short inches over towards an empty spot at the table where he usually sat as a silent invitation for him to help himself. She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to hear about Alfie’s night at all, but there was a morbid curiosity there, too. Was it wrong for her to be hoping so hard that the whole thing had been a disaster?

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

Alfie eyes widened at the sight of Esther, completely caught off guard. The blonde made a sassy comment about him continuously forgetting that she lived there too and he shook his head at that. She gestured to the table and he pulled a mug to pour some coffee. "About that..." he sighed, falling into the chair next to her, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "I'm sorry, Es." Alfie told her, swallowing hard as his hazel eyes fell on Esther to watch her expression.

"Honestly, I would have told you about having company over but completely spaced out and lost track of time.." he explained, knowing the excuse was lame but it was the honest truth. "I promise to be more courteous next time. I'm sure that was annoying when you were looking to wind down after a long day." Alfie told her, raising the cup of coffee to his lips and taking a sip. He wasn't sure how much information he should give Esther because he was gauging how she handled the situation. The last thing he wanted to do was add tension to their friendship again.

After a beat, he crumbled over the kitchen table, clutching his bean water. "If I'm forgiven--Heal me please." he croaked, forehead laying on the cold surface.

Esther Garnet

[Esther Garnet]

Esther watched intently as Alfie sat down and began his apology campaign. She was torn between wanting to tell him off for making her feel uncomfortable, or not having ever mentioned Alora at all, or for insulting her intelligence by implying she wouldn’t be able to keep up with their stupid academic activities (a lame theme for a date by the way, as a side note, in her opinion), but he sounded so pathetic in his hungover lensed damage control that she didn’t have the heart. Instead, she just brushed it off like it was no big deal pretending it hadn’t stung at all. “Don’t worry about it.” She told him simply in an attempt to shut down the awkward moment in which he was being sincere. Her aversion to communicating her feelings to anyone was really something else.

Since Alfie was now verbally forgiven already, she heard his request to be healed and Esther sat back in her chair, still observing him behaving like the massive man baby that he was being. Even the splinched kids at the hospital wing weren't this dramatic. “Well… there’s a pizza in the oven I could probably share…” It was a plan that Esther had already put into motion since Alfie wasn’t only the only hungover idiot at the table. “I’ve been thinking about hitting up the couch, but I wasn’t sure if it was safe…” she glanced over at it and then back to him again grimacing in a comical way. It was a joke to both lighten the mood and to demonstrate that she wasn’t going to let him get away with the previous night’s events that easily. 

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

The apology wasn't emotional and he was glad it didn't have to be. They both avoided talking about emotions anytime they could. That made things too messy and awkward. It was easier when they could just act like something didn't happen or blame it on being too drunk or messed up but now they were getting too old for that behavior. He was relived that Esther was willing to move along. "Thanks Es." he said, reaching over to give her a quick side hug. 

Alfie slowly lifted his forehead off the table, cocking his head to the side as he strung Esthers words together, questioning if the couch was "safe". At first, he was confused, but the realization glazed over his face. ”Oh. Oh, god.” he laughed, nearly spitting his coffee back into his mug. Alfie shook his head back and forth, ”Heeeey. I’m offended that you think I have a lack of respect for the couch.” he stated in disbelief. ”I promise nothing happened on the couch, or any communal space for that matter..” he assured her full heartedly, not wishing to share the nitty gritty details. Something felt wrong about it. Even though he shared almost everything with Esther since they lived together. They often spied on their neighbors together because it was hilarious and they got a thrill out of being a little nosey in the comfort of their own home. 

”Pizza is the cure, Doctors orders.”  he nodded agreeably. Alfie hopped over the sofa to demonstrate it was still a "safe zone". He flicked on the television lazily, extending the remote toward her before confessing, "Don't hate me, I will replace the good Brie in the fridge.." Alfie revealed slowly with a cheeky smile.

Esther Garnet

[Esther Garnet]

And just like that, a quick apology and a side hug was enough for Esther let it go for now - at least outwardly. The perks of moving forward were not dealing with the complex emotions that had started stirring from within her core recently. So foreign that she wasn’t even sure what those feelings were, but they had her attention enough to want to bury them immediately. Alfie was adamant nothing had happened on the couch, or any other communal area and Esther gave a thumbs up in a mock congratulatory kind of way. “Fantastic!” she responded with an over-the-top enthusiasm that could only mean she was being sarcastic again.

When he hopped over to the couch, the wheels were in motion for their regular weekend hangover rituals. Like force of habit, Alfie passed Esther the remote over the back of the couch - she loved that he always let her choose what they watched when he was trying to make a gesture of any kind - and she scanned a few channels before landing on some cheesy romcom for them to inevitably commentate and criticise throughout. Then dropping the remote in his lap, she got up to fetch the pizza, a packet of chips, a pint of ice cream with a couple of spoons, and lastly, some painkillers. It was a combination that was tried and true.

Esther dumped their supplies on the coffee table and proceeded to go full Healer mode, sidling over to Alfie, pushing him forward from his shoulders then fluffing a cushion up to sandwich between the couch and his back. “Yeah, you’d better…” Esther teased when he assured her that he’d replace the good brie. She took his hand and pressed a couple of the pills into his open palm and instructed him to “Take these,” then rounded back around to fall back into the couch, crossing her legs and downing a couple of the pills for herself too. She even grabbed a throw blanket and laid it over the both of them for maximum lazy vibes - now they were set to sit on this couch until the end of time, or until their hangovers subsided - whatever came first.

Once settled, she marvelled at the spread in front of them. It wasn’t exactly competition for Alfie and Alora’s fancy charcuterie board, but Esther didn’t waste any time digging into the pizza. Grabbing a slice she sat quietly for a moment, contemplating asking the question that was buzzing around her head since last night. She got part way through devouring it before finally blurting it out. “So you and Alora…” she started, mid bite. It was enough to give her a pause in thought to swallow a mouthful of carby goodness before going on in a very intentionally casual tone. “Are you guys like, dating… or?” she trailed off curiously, gaze still fixed on the half eaten slice of pizza in her hand.

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

The pair migrated over to the sofa, preparing for a lazy day in. Trash tv and a spread of junk food had always their favorite way to cure a hangover. 

Esther extended a hand telling him to 'take these'. "Thanks" Alfie’s accepted the pills with an open palm before tossing them into his mouth. For all he knew, it could have been ingesting silver if Esther wanted to poison him. Luckily, they seemed past that today. "Thanks for always taking care of me, Es." he nudged her playfully.

His hazel eyes fell on her, unsure if he should be completely honest. Things between he and Alora had been very special. He was trying to understand what was going on in his mind, he was still processing everything from last night. The morning was a little awkward at first but they seemed to get through it. He and Alora had a great talk. Truthfully, he was curious and a little scared to see where that lead. Alora had walked into his life unexpectedly but had recently been a great provider of his happiness.

Alfie should have expected the next question coming. 'Are you and Alora dating?' She didn't waste any time and her curiosity was understandable. They always talked about everything. Alfie hadn't dated anyone in a very, very long time. It was kind of embarrassing when he thought about it. Hell, he was rusty. His eyebrows furrowed and he sunk into the sofa. ”Uh-Alora.” her name fell from his lips. It almost felt forbidden to mention a love interest around Esther, but it wasn't forbidden. His mouth opened and closed, ”Yeah, I don’t know…” he lied. For one of the first times in his life he didn't want to be honest with Esther, probably more out of fear. Which was a weird feeling. There was a pinch at his gut as he started to get flustered, knowing that he couldn't lie to her. Not if he didn't want their friendship to suffer again. Alfie sat forward, busying his hands with a tin on the coffee table that held some joints he rolled the other day. A fat one dangled from his lip,  ”I think it's safe to say we're dating.” he revealed, lighting the end of the joint with a couple of puffs in front of his face and exhaling. "But, yeah. We're taking it slow. I guess." he shared, taking another puff before clutching the ends and passing it to Esther, watching her expression carefully. 

Esther Garnet

[Esther Garnet]

Tension filled the air after the question was blurted out. Alfie’s gaze fell onto her and Esther met it in an unusual display of bravery. There was something that felt dangerous about holding prolonged eye contact with someone when they were most likely about to deliver some uneasy truths. She got that feeling based off of the sudden shift in Alfie’s demeanour. She observed him as he sunk into the couch and skirted around the question for a moment there, and now both of them were sitting in this discomfort disguised as a casual and totally normal chat between two best friends.

Esther didn’t add any commentary for once - no sarcastic quips or piss taking jabs - she became an active listener, still and silent as she anticipated his answer. When he said he didn’t know, her stomach sunk a little, because ‘I don’t know’ generally implies the possibility of a ‘yes’ and certainly doesn’t constitute a hard ‘no’. It also indicated that Alfie was withholding precious thoughts and information. She raked her fingers through her hair and glanced down at the pizza crust in the other hand resting on her lap in an effort to conceal her disappointment in his vague response.

But Alfie pivoted after that, admitting that he and Alora were in fact something. Well, fuck. Esther’s eyes involuntarily widened as she looked back up to him, her concerns now confirmed, then she ratcheted the bewildered expression down with a hard swallow and forced the corners of her mouth into a smile of sorts. “Oh, cool!” she offered with a series of rigid nods. She was lost for words for the first time in her life as she processed this information. Inwardly she felt like she had been robbed. Of something. But on the outside she put her energy into appearing relatively warm and open because there was nothing healthy about not being happy for your best friend when they entered a perfectly normal relationship and Esther was painfully aware of this in that moment.

Reaching out to accept the joint when he offered, she put it to her lips and took a considerable drag to give herself a moment to think of something to say next, which was proving to be pretty difficult since she couldn’t even seem to resort to her default setting of being a smart ass. Finally, she exhaled then passed it back again. “That’s great, Alfie. Are you happy?”

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

Alfie could tell by Esthers demeanor that it wasn’t completely ‘cool’ like she was making it out to be. He appreciated the effort but he was onto her. There was something about the look in her eyes. Alfie shifted on the sofa, grateful to have the joint to focus his fidgety hands on for a moment. That was a question Alfie never knew how to answer until now. ”Happy is a broad question..” he started slowly, but ended with a smile.

He wasn’t going to discredit for the amount of happiness Alora provided him. He couldn’t think of the last time he couldn’t get someone off his mind like he thought about the redheaded beauty. Alfie wondered what she was up to now, wishing that she was there. Hell, he knew if given the chance and a couple of bottles of wine, her and Esther would get on just well. Someday..

”But yes. I am.” he answered her honestly, taking two puffs before passing the joint back. He was his own boss, his business was booming, he had great living situation with his best friend and a beautiful herbology goddess of a girlfriend. Things were pretty fucking good. His head tilted to the side, watching her carefully. ”Are you happy?” he reversed the question back to her. ”Well, not about that...but in general..” Alfie said awkwardly with a harsh chuckle. Truthfully, Alfie didn’t want to know how she felt about Alora because he was afraid of hearing negativity... Which was a weird feeling. Esther and Alfie had always shared everything, it was quite sickening.

Esther Garnet

[Esther Garnet]

Esther felt like she was holding her breath waiting for an answer to her question. Alfie responded that he was in fact happy, and the receipts were in the form of his tone and the look on his face. First there was a sadness, followed abruptly by a pang of guilt for feeling sadness. Alfie’s life was evolving into a well-rounded and acceptable example of what place someone in their mid thirties should look like being in according to society. He was lining up his ducks in a row, and the very fact that Alora was a piece of that puzzle said it all. Because Esther wouldn’t have picked them both as a compatible pair, but what would she know? She was still a little baby essentially in terms of her emotional intelligence.

Esther smiled warmly and accepted the joint back, even though at this point she just felt like starting drinking all over again. Maybe the hangover exacerbated the nauseated sensations she was feeling, but that’s why drinking as a coping mechanism was such a catch 22.

He asked if she was happy and Esther almost choked on the smoke she was inhaling. It kinda threw her for a loop - she covered her mouth and coughed a couple of times. “I mean… sure,” she answered him, passing the joint back. “I’m happy you’re happy” she added, and at this point she wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince more, Alfie or herself.

Suddenly she pulled the throw blanket from off herself and stood up going back over to the kitchen. “Do you want a beer or something? I can’t deal with this hangover right now.” Or this unexpected news flash for that matter. At least she figured she could blame whatever awkward uneasiness she was exhibiting on the hangover.

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

Something was off. Alfie could tell. After many years knowing Esther, even with a brief hiatus here and there, he felt like he knew her better than most people in his life. That's just what happened when you lived with someone for years. You learned their quirks, what grinds their gears and all of the in-between. Dating and love life always seemed to be where the line was drawn for them. It was awkward and weird whenever they tried to talk about it. Alfie always blamed it on being protective over her because she was his best friend, but the pang in his gut told him something else today. It was hard to look Esther in the eye when he spoke about Alora.

Esther got up from the sofa, explaining she needed a beer and blaming it on the hangover. "Hair of the dog." he stated with a laugh before agreeing, "Sure, I won't make you drink alone." Alfie accepted it with a gracious nod, never needing a reason to drink. "Thanks" twisting off the top with a hiss. 

Alfie rolled the joint in his fingers, licking his bottom lip, "Do you ever sit and think about how you thought things would be different growing up?" Alfie asked, "Like when I was younger I always thought I'd be married by now with kids and a dog." he took a puff with a laugh, knowing he was being 'too honest' but it was Esther, so he didn't care. 

Esther Garnet

[Esther Garnet]

After bringing a couple of cold beers back to the couch, Esther settled in again. Her first sip was like sweet relief from the dry throat sharpness that usually came after a night of excessive drinking. She was thankful that Alfie wasn’t going to let her drink alone since it made her feel less unhealthy about the whole hair of the dog remedy suggestion. For someone who was a Healer it probably wouldn’t be something she recommended to her patients in a professional setting. Kids, do not try this at home!

Alfie threw a question out that sounded like he was about to go properly existential and she chuckled softly, vaguely amused at the thought of it. “I don’t know, Alfie. I’ve never been one to really think about my life a few days in the future, let alone years and decades.” She picked at the label on her beer bottle, suddenly painfully aware of how stupid that was when she said it out loud. “I definitely thought you’d be married by now too, though,” she grimaced a bit and shrugged in a playful way, both in an attempt to take the piss but also to lighten the mood some more.

“It’s crazy to think that out of the both of us, I’m the one who ended up with a kid and a dog first,” she looked him straight in the eye deadpan pretending to be serious. In case Alfie hadn’t cottoned on, she was referring to him. “I got a two-for-one, here” she joked, finally cracking a laugh like she couldn’t keep her face straight any more.

alfie edward o'callaghan

[alfie edward o'callaghan]

Alfie laughed when Esther stated she was the one who ended up with a dog and kid. Obviously she meant him. His head cocked to the side, ”Oh…burn!” his mouth gaped with amusement. Esther always had great comedic timing. ”You’ve got the two for one special, lucky you... ” he stated sarcastically with a stoney laugh, passing the joint back to her after flicking the ash into the tray.

After a moment of contemplative silence, ”I wonder if it’s it’s too late for us to have midlife crisis…” he scratched the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. He was joking, considering most things in his life at the moment were going in his favor but he voiding help but look for more spice in his life at times.

Esther Garnet
(Let’s start something more recent!)