isn't it delicate? (sienna)

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Mid-March 2028

Some wise old philosopher once said time healed all wounds. But Rob wanted to argue with them. They'd never precisely said how much time. And his wounds were almost certainly not healing. Even after he'd assured himself that splitting with Lyra had been the right thing to do - having seen her duel with the renewed vigour of someone with her immense talent, someone that had only been held back by his fear of her getting hurt. Heartbreak fueled her fury, Rob had seen it when he'd caught a glimpse of her. And whilst she was a hurricane, tearing across her opponents with well places hexes, Rob was more of a pitiful, everlasting drizzle.

At some point in the past six months, Rob had stopped taking care of himself. His had had become overgrown, and his face was thinner than normal. He'd thrown himself into potion making to try, and had come up with rather a few nasty poisons that he'd tucked away for later use. He was spending more and more time at his flat rather than facing the world, only dropping into the shop once a week at most to check in on progress. Rob was sure Sienna knew something was wrong with him, probably correctly assuming it had something to do with Lyra. But he hadn't had the heart to tell her how badly it had all fallen apart, especially when he felt like he'd been stringing Sienna along for years.

Rob found himself in a complicated position, trying to balance his life's work with his closest friend, who had at some point become something much more than that. Not wanting to poison their relationship any more, Rob had tried keeping his distance. Sienna's invitations to socialise had come less and less frequently, until they stopped coming at all. Rob had spent a very lonely Christmas in his flat, with only a whisky to celebrate.

Staring up at the ceiling from his vantage point flat on his back on the floor of his living room, Rob wondered how he had gotten to this point. Why had he stopped living just to mourn the life he could have had. Groaning, he shifted, and snatched his phone from it's discarded position on one of the sofa cushions. He texted Sienna, owing her at least an explanation. Can you come over to mine? It's urgent.

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Mid-March 2028

Sienna stared blankly at the wormwood sprouts. She was trying hard to listen to Terry’s advice – focus on the plants and tune everything else out – but her thoughts felt loud and Si had always had a bad habit of listening to them more than noticing whatever she was doing with her hands. The herb garden on their balcony had started out as a fun challenge to grow some of her own potion ingredients, but at some point Si had started using it as an escape (and a sort of justification for why she didn’t need therapy). And those escapes had started as an occasional hour here and there – but that had been before it felt like her entire life had slanted sideways and left her off-balanced.

So she’d been here all day repotting plants and pretending that she had it under control. There was some Muggle music playing in the background, but Si wasn’t really listening – she just hated the sound of silence but couldn’t bear to be out in public. There was no way she’d be able to hide the tension in her shoulders or worry in her face, and she didn’t want to answer difficult questions right now. Wiping the dirt off her hands enough so she could grab her phone, Si sat back and started to scroll through her texts. Rhys had sent her another picture of Amelia (Sienna sent off a few emojis and then moved on), Terry had been spamming her with recipes she’d found online, Camila seemed to be back in London from her latest trip abroad…

…but she’d been looking for a specific name and she paused when she found it. It hurt to see a friendship ending, but Sienna didn’t have any other words for what must be happening. She barely saw Rob at work anymore (and she’d gotten used to seeing the finished potions on his desk more than him), and he’d stopped responding to her texts a while back. So she’d stopped sending them. Sienna thought that her big trip abroad might have been the solution, enough time to forget everything that had happened between them and all the things they’d said to each other. And after she’d gotten back, things had been mostly okay for a couple months. But Rob was still beating himself up about Lyra, and maybe he’d started to regret some of the things he’d told her too.

So she almost didn’t believe the notification that popped up on her phone while she stared at the screen. Si scrambled up into a normal sitting position while she stared at the message, wondering if it was real and why he’d suddenly decided to text her after weeks of radio silence. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, but really there was only one answer she could give. Would always give. On my way, she texted, deciding not to give herself time to second-guess the choice. Sienna definitely looked like she’d been gardening, but taking time to change would mean giving herself time to make up some excuse and not follow-through.

It was only a few minutes later that Si turned on her heel and landed outside Rob’s flat. She knocked, but rolled her eyes to herself when she tried the knob a second later and found it unlocked. “I could be a burglar, you know,” she pointed out as she walked her way through the eerily familiar place to find Rob dejectedly moping around his living room. He looked terribly unkept, but it didn’t stop her heart from lurching in her chest at the sight of him. Time did absolutely nothing in diminishing the impact he could always have on her. Si lingered by the doorway, torn between wanting to continue berating him for being in this state but wanting to know why he’d suddenly contacted her. So she waited for him to speak, arms crossed expectantly.

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

For the past few months, Rob had been adrift. He’d gone through the motions, shielding himself in the turmoil of his mind. He’d stopped going into the shop, afraid of seeing Sienna and tripping over his words and the nasty feelings that he’d developed over the nearly two decades of their friendship. Even some moon-prompted soul bond hadn’t been able to eclipse the gravity that constantly pulled Rob into Sienna’s orbit. Nor did he want to escape - but fear kept him at bay. There had been numerous potential opportunities for Rob to explain to his oldest friend his predicament - after she’d returned from her trip abroad, he was so delighted to see her in the flesh, that he’d selfishly spent as much time as he could at the shop. But when he’d found Lyra in the foundations of the home she’d been building for them, guilt had overcome him, driving Rob into deepest solitude.

It was a moment of weakness in which Rob pulled out his phone from his prone position on the living room floor, wallowing in his own self-imposed prison. His stomach churned uncomfortably as he realised that perhaps he was poisoning Sienna by dragging her into this mess. His life. Slowly, the rot that gnawed away at Rob would surely spread to Sienna. But he couldn’t find it into himself to regret his decision to message her after weeks of silence.

There was a knock at the door but before Rob could muster the energy to rise and open it, Sienna turned the knob and found it unlocked. ”Let them come,” said Rob morosely. ”I’m feeling exceptionally maudlin. They can take what they want,” said Rob, summoning the strength to sit up and cross legged on the floor. They appraised one another for a moment - Sienna looking imposing and austere from her position by the door, and Rob looking unkempt and surly on the floor. Sienna glared at him, silently berating him for letting him work himself into this sort of state. Rob was suddenly struck by the unexpected wish that he’d showered more thoroughly. He scraped his overlong hair back from his face, self conscious. Rob scrambled to his feet, and took in Sienna’s formidable glower. A foreign desire to smile dragged the corners of his lips up as they stared at one another for a long moment.

The pregnant pause was broken as Rob cleared his throat. Now, his stomach curdled uncomfortably because he was nervous. Nervous! Around Sienna? ”D’you want to sit?” asked Rob, gesturing to the sad looking, threadbare sofa that dominated the centre of the space. ”Or anything to drink?” He was craving whisky, but Rob knew that it would only make the whole feeling shitty about himself worse. Now that Sienna was present, it was like a light had flicked back on, basking him in her effervescent glow.

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Sienna silently processed the fact that it had been a long time since she’d last set foot in this flat. Her cheeks heated up at the reminder of what exactly they’d been doing, months and months ago, and the memories that still haunted her from the way she’d kissed him desperately like he was the air she needed. Then she’d gone abroad, and come back, and they’d spent their time in public pretending that the dynamic was purely platonic. Endless conversations at the apothecary, countless drinks at the bar, but never quite in a position where they were alone. Because didn’t they know how that story always went? So it was strange to be back after so much time away, and for the situation to be eerily similar. Rob looked unkept, still torn apart over Lyra, and Si was still here trying to be a good friend and not wanting to admit that she was selfish and wanted more.

Whether it was Gus or Lyra, Sienna couldn’t help but wonder if there would always be ghosts between them. She lingered by the doorway, silently waiting for Rob to respond to the questions in her eyes (the same questions she’d been asking for months but had eventually learned to stop asking). He seemed fairly unaffected by the thought that a thief could come in at any moment and help himself, but she smiled a bit and gave a shot at lightening the mood. “I dunno, I heard a brilliant potioneer lives here. So they might make off with something valuable.” They spent so much time bantering about who was the most inventive and the most daring and the most talented, so it was a rather rare admission for Si to make. But she just wanted to see him smile. It felt like it’d been ages but it never failed to light up a room.

He finally scrambled to his feet but didn’t move any closer and the distance between them suddenly felt awkward. She’d never put any thought into how close they might be, or the casual touches they’d exchange between them – but it was like Si was now extremely aware of herself and how she looked and the vague smell of earth and nature around her. She really could’ve taken a moment to scrub away the evidence that she’d been gardening. But it was too late for that so Sienna just stared at Rob as he half-heartedly gestured towards his couch. “How ‘bout I make us some coffee?” she finally suggested, deciding not to point out that he could use it more than her. Rhys never seemed to appreciate those observations, no matter how true they were. She didn’t wait for an answer before turning to follow the familiar route to his kitchen, trying not to blush as she remembered the last time they'd traced that path. Merlin, was she really blushing like she was back in Beauxbatons and admiring her best friend's older brother from afar?

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Though Rob was surely a sight to behold, all disheveled and unkempt, Sienna's comment brought a dry smile to his face. "Brilliant, you say?" asked Rob, a bit of his old spark briefly reigniting in his eyes. He sat up, the eventually stood up, cursing himself internally for not taking better care of himself lately. A moment of weakness had led him to this point, and Rob didn't want to resemble a tramp (both in scent and looks, admittedly) when he finally got the courage to tell Sienna how he felt. They looked at one another and another foreign feeling smile spread across his lips. She had come, and she was here before him. Despite what he'd put himself through, despite all the times they'd been only what if's and never what is.

Running his fingers through his hair, Rob said nothing, and simply nodded. Coffee was good. Coffee was safe. He had to keep his mind about himself. The last thing Rob wanted was for this to end the way it always did - regretfully, and always wanted more. It was a cycle that he and Sienna had been following for over a decade, plagued by road blocks and intrusions. This time, Rob was determined. As lachrymose as his life was, with the loss of his mate by his own choice, Rob knew he had to do something. Something to bring back a light.

As Sienna drifted into the kitchen to make coffee, Rob dragged himself to the bathroom sink to splash water on his face. He'd been in a funk for months, rarely gathering the energy to do every day things. Anything more than just exist, and even that was difficult. It was draining - and Rob wanted it to end. He wanted to be able to choose his own happiness, not be forced from one thing to the next. He recalled his final conversation with Lyra - if they hadn't been bonded, would they have loved one another? Fate, or whatever it was, had taken away his ability to choose, and with that Rob found he couldn't trust his feelings.

Sienna was setting two coffee mugs on the table when Rob emerged, feeling slightly better already. "Thank you," he said, his voice gravelly from lack of use. He sat on the sofa and observed Sienna - the electric blue of her eyes, the soft pink of those lips he'd kissed and dreamed of for so many years. She had been a constant in his life when he'd been lost, and even when he hadn't been. "I er... I don't know what to say," said Rob at last, cheeks heating. He'd summoned Sienna here out of the blue. "Other than I haven't been feeling much like myself lately," he added after a moment. "But with you here... you make me feel like me."

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Sienna smiled at the predictable reaction from Rob at the mention of the supposedly brilliant potioneer who lived in this flat. She’d never seen such a curious mix of someone who hated themselves, and yet recognized how much innate talent they had that could change the world. It seemed like Rob was constantly looking for reasons to call himself a monster, to blame himself for every bad thing that he’d gone through in his life. And it all seemed to start with the scar on his shoulder and the weight of the wolf that he carried around with him. And yet. He was one of the most talented potioneers that Sienna had ever seen, someone who could look at the world and see it a bit differently than everyone around him. And that ability was giving him the opportunity to change lives, at least for the werewolves in Britain that wanted to integrate into mainstream society but still had to count their potion doses carefully. She wished he’d give himself more credit, because he deserved it.

But for now, she’d settle for the ghost of a smile on his face as he wandered off while she made her way into the kitchen. Magic would’ve made things go faster, but Sienna still liked to do things ‘the Muggleborn way’ whenever she was looking for a sense of normalcy. Besides, she’d never be able to banish the memory of how annoying her dad had gotten when she’d used her wand to summon a plate once. He’d always tried to be the best Supportive Parent (TM), joining all sorts of support groups for Muggle parents of magical children, but his fascinated curiosity was too much sometimes. Si snorted to herself as she mixed in a generous heap of sugar into her own mug and left Rob’s as black as his cauldron.

After a few moments of waiting with the two cups, Rob reemerged – still looking unkept but at least more alert. She’d need answers eventually, answers to all those big questions that had been left hanging between them since she’d come back from her big world trip, but patience was the key. Finding that balance between being direct but without accusing him of (probably true) things. She quirked an eyebrow at him and teased, “Now where’ve these manners been all my life?” It was an odd moment of reflection to note that she had know him for what seemed like most of her life, ever since her first year at Beauxbatons when she’d befriended Heleen and met her older brother.

Sienna sipped at her coffee and considered Rob as he spoke – his words were tentative, like he didn’t know what he wanted to say, and that wasn’t like him. And there’d been a little bit of banter since she’d arrived, but it was missing that lively spark. He’d always been active and charming, but now he seemed subdued. “I wish you’d talk to me,” she said with a sigh, “You’ve barely come into the apothecary. And you’ve clearly been going through something. I’ve been wondering what I did wrong. Or what you’ve been processing that’s so terrible you had to be alone.” They were sitting almost a full cushion apart, but Si inched closer to him on the couch. Her fingers picked at a loose thread absentmindedly, but her eyes were locked on him. “Why am I here, Rob?” she finally asked quietly. It was a question for herself as much as it was for him. He’d texted her out-of-nowhere after weeks of silence, but she’d still come at the first opportunity. It felt like answering that was the key to understanding it all.

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob felt marginally better after cleaning up his face a bit. He swished water around in his mouth, then rested his forehead against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. His heart thumped erratically in his chest. He'd texted Sienna after airing her for months. And for years, they'd been dancing around one another, will they, won't they, back and forth. It was always the wrong time, a different situation getting in the way of what they could have had. Now, Rob felt like he was drawing her back into his web, where she could only get hurt. But he was too selfish to resist anymore. He'd been resisting for so many years.

Meandering back into the living room, Rob found Sienna with two steaming mugs of coffee. His was, predictably, black, just as he liked it. He thanked her for the beverage, and rolled his eyes at her quip. "Excuse you, I'm very polite. As polite as I am genius," he retorted, though his eyes were missing their usual sparkle. Rob held the mug between his two hands, his elbows on his knees as he stared down into the bitter liquid. He felt Sienna's gaze on him, scrutinising him, reading his posture. Sometimes, Rob wondered if she could read his emotions just by looking at him. They were so familiar with one another, it wouldn't be a surprise. His words came out tentative, thoughtful and even a bit scared. Rob was bricking it. He was selfish and he was doomed, but Sienna made him come back to life.

Rob wasn't sure what else to add beyond his confession, but Sienna drew more from him. "I'm trying," he admitted. "But maybe too little too late," he added after a moment of thought. His gaze snapped sharply up to Sienna, and he reached out, grasping her hand. "You've done nothing wrong. You've never done anything wrong at all," said Rob earnestly, his eyes begging her to understand. This was something he was warring with in his own mind. Something he had to come to terms with at his own pace. Sienna's gaze was steady, her voice quiet as she asked the question that needed to be raised. Rob stared at her for a moment, and then another.

Finally, Rob spoke. "I've been trying to keep myself away. From poisoning you. From ruining you. You know how I can get, feeling like everything I touch or love turns to dust. I so often feel like I keep losing things if I try to cling onto them for more than five seconds. But you... I keep coming back to you." Rob paused, glancing down before meeting Sienna's gaze again. "I can't stay away. And I can't be your friend, Sienna. I can't lose you and I can't keep you. And after all is said and done, I can survive without you."

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

In normal times, their quips and mock arguments could go on for hours if they weren’t careful. Sienna had stayed past normal shop hours so many times because she and Rob had wasted their afternoons away on trading jokes and going down the rabbit-hole of potion theory, so that she’d had to stay later just to meet their quotas and unpack ingredients. His retort was like an invitation, a hook dangling in front of her while he dared her to take it like always, but…Sienna let it go. It wasn’t normal, but nothing had been normal from the moment she’d Apparated onto his doorstep. There was something about this meeting that felt like she’d stepped into a parallel dimension, one where everything was almost exactly in place but just a little off-center. So for once she abandoned her natural reaction and gazed at him seriously while she asked a question. The question.

The coffee in her hands felt more like a prop than an actual drink, and Si clutched it tightly even as she had no desire to take a sip. Something in her words seemed to have jolted Rob into action, and his eyes locked onto hers while he took her hand. That warm point of contact anchored her in the moment, and she let her hand curl into his while her heart pounded in her chest. “It’s only too late when one of us has died,” she pointed out, and with a shake of her head she added, “And the magical world’s even found a way around that.” What a strange world they lived in. But her thoughts were barely on that because her attention was still completely pulled into Rob and the tentative words that left him like he was examining each one before it left.

She frowned a little at the direction he seemed to be going in, a crease forming between her eyebrows…but she forced herself to wait. To hear the end before she scolded Rob for giving into his worst habits and calling himself poisonous. Because there did seem to be something different this time, and as furiously as her heart had been pounding before – it suddenly seemed to skip a beat before stuttering to a halt completely. He couldn’t be saying what it sounded like he was saying. It sounded terribly like a break-up, like the words you said to someone before you cut them out of your life forever. But that couldn’t be right, because they’d never even been together in the first place. How could this moment hold all the worst parts of a relationship when they’d never even had the chance to try one?

“So that’s it?” she asked, although her tone wasn’t quiet anymore. No, she was angry in a way she hadn’t let herself be about their circumstances and the way it all felt out-of-her-control. Her grip on her coffee cup was stiff (and her hand still in Rob’s was probably the same) but she continued all the same. “You took weeks to decide you can survive without me, all without ever asking me what I wanted?” Si refused to let him run away the way he always did, when things got too scary or too painful. It was the old way of doing things, the way it’d always been, and she was done with that. “So let me tell you. I know how to live without you. To brew potions at the apothecary, and make my own sugar quills at home, and go to the edge of the world with my friends to see new things. I could live a whole life without you, but I don’t want to.” She slammed her coffee cup on the table and pointed a finger at him. “You are the most infuriating thing in my life, and the best. Forget our friendship. We’re brilliant apart, but we can be something even more amazing together. So we...we should. Simple as that."

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob watched Sienna closely, noting her every minute movement and the slight rise and fall of her chest. He commented how between them, the time was never right. Something had always come up, whether it be the divines or just bad timing in general. But he could never quite shake the hold she had over him. The pull, strong as gravity, that kept him just in her orbit. How for years, he'd wanted to love her, hold her, cherish her. But time had never worked. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Often, Rob had felt like giving up. Like it would never be. It had certainly felt like that.

At last, Rob managed to put words to the turmoil that brewed within him. To describe just how much of a tempest he was, how he left a path of destruction in his wake. How he was afraid, and that fear led him to deny himself what he had always wanted. And after years of practice, denial seemed to be the only thing Rob knew. It was comforting, whereas change and opportunity was frightening. He was no better than a coward, and Rob wanted Sienna to know that. Despite how he felt about her, how he had always felt, she would be much better of with someone who deserved her. So to save her, Rob would destroy himself. But first, he had to give Sienna the truth.

However, Rob's sacrifice fell on deaf ears. Sienna's voice rose sharply, and there was a crinkle between her brows that spoke of her fury. Rob opened his mouth to protest, to explain further, but Sienna continued. How could he make this decision for the both of them? Sienna had always been headstrong and forceful, which was exactly why Rob had tried to do the things he could. It pained him to see her hurt, and they had been friends for so long. Lovers, intermittently, but Rob couldn't live with the intermittence.

As Sienna slammed her coffee cup on the table and pointed at Rob as if he was a misbehaving child, he actually flinched. Something stirred within him, something that had lain dormant for months. His mouth hung open at Sienna's passionate speech, about how he was both infuriating and amazing. About how despite how they were both equally clever and innovative and wonderful on their own, they would be even better together. Sienna lapsed into silence, but Rob wanted her to go on. He could listen to her forever. "Sienna... you misunderstand me." At last, the path ahead was clear. "I can survive without you. But I cannot live without you. And that makes all the difference in the world."

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

There were some kinds of decisions that were irreversible. It came with the knowledge that once you took that step forward, there wasn’t any more room for doubt or second guesses. No way to simply turn around and close that door again. Finding an owl on her windowsill from Beauxbatons had been like that – at eleven years old, Sienna had discovered that she’d been walking around with her eyes closed and that there was this whole world of magic that existed just around the corner…and yeah, maybe she might’ve been able to choose to ignore it and go back to her Muggle life. But who could ever make the decision to close their eyes again once they saw what they were missing? Si had felt the magic calling her, and she’d let it sweep her away.

There was something indescribably similar about the pull that Rob had over her, except it hadn’t come from just one moment. It had come from ten thousand little moments, ten thousand little windows to see who he was and who she could be around him. And after countless nights at the pub, and whispered fights in the library, and spontaneous trips to the countryside to pick the freshest potions ingredients, the realization had come piece by piece. First she’d discovered that he had a brilliant mind, then she’d realized he was the sort of friend who’d never leave you. And at some point she’d decided that you could call it whatever you want, but the fact was that a life without him was a life without magic

Maybe that was why his disappearance had affected her so badly. There were some undisputable reasons in life for why people left, because they had to and there was no other choice. At least, that was what her father had said to Sienna the first time (and every time after) he’d had to explain why she was growing up without her mother. So fine, it was a painful truth in life that sometimes people were forced apart by these big scary things out of their control. But then there was the terrifying thought that sometimes it was a choice. That someone might stay away because they’d decided to. So Sienna might be able to play it cool with Rhys whenever she’d casually ask about Rob, and she might be able to restrain herself to one text a day (and then once or twice a week, and then even less)…but playing it cool couldn’t chase away the fear that maybe he’d just chosen. Something besides her.

Her breathing had gone shallow and there was a pounding in her head as his words (and then hers) continued to echo in her mind. There was a stunned silence between them for a moment, and then another, and then Rob began to speak again. Si swallowed hard at his words and pushed down the cautious hope in her chest. Her mind flickered between those two words, surviving and living, and she felt her cheeks flush as the meaning began to sink in. “Good,” she said in a hushed tone, fearful that if she spoke any louder that maybe this bubble of opportunity might burst. Si shifted closer to him on the couch, barely trying to conceal the hopeful smile on her face. “I’m tired of having the choice made for me. I choose this, Rob. I choose you.”

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

For a long moment, Rob felt like everything was happening too quickly. As if all of his fears were surfacing, taunting him and presenting him with what he'd always wanted but was too afraid to have. But how was it happening too fast if it was something he'd craved for over a decade? For Sienna to stand before him and choose him over Gus, as he had wished time and time again. How Rob had settled for being her friend when really, he knew it could never last like that. He would be happy, as a friend. Rob thought so at least. But he wouldn't feel fulfilled - something was always missing. Rob had gotten used to the hole in his soul, as if he deserved not to be happy. He'd thought it had been filled by Lyra - and for a long time, it was. Rob still didn't understand fated mates, but he still hadn't had a choice in the matter.

It was all out on the table, then. The truth, at last. Anticipation curled in Rob's belly as he told Sienna that a life without her was not worth living at all. Hope raised in his chest, his eyes bright with it as he watched her take in his declaration. Her voice was hushed when she replied, and Rob reached out to touch her leg. Softly, hesitantly, like any wrong move or sound could break the fragile peace they'd brokered.

Rob was only able to contain himself for a heartbeat as Sienna replied. I choose you. When it came down to it, she chose him. "I choose you," he replied, breathless as his hand found her hair and he pulled her face to his, kissing her like she was the very essence of life that he needed. Not just to survive, but to live. "I'll keep choosing you, again and again," he murmured against her lips, drawing her closer, desperate for her proximity. Nothing was enough. Rob would never get enough of her.

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

The air was finally clear. Everything had finally been said. It’d been years since the dynamic between them had been charged with this tension, this knowledge that there couldn’t be anything more than what there was. There were times when one of them would begin to test the barrier, to see if labels like ‘Heleen’s brother’ or ‘Gus’s girlfriend’ could really keep them apart…but it always ended the same way. It didn’t matter how close they wandered to the edge, or how badly Sienna wished she could be brave enough to just jump over it…because there were things she just couldn’t say. He was her friend, and her partner, and her confidant. But not enough to tell him that she couldn’t stop thinking about him, or that she’d do anything if it meant spending a little more time with him.

The little spark of hope in her chest began to flare at the look in Rob’s eyes. After her initial outburst, the indignation of thinking that Rob had just chosen for both of them that it was best to keep his distance, Si’d been avoiding eye contact. She was worried about what she might see if she’d dared to look – whether he might be afraid, or resigned, or absolutely set on his answer. Or even worse, the thought of not seeing any emotion at all. It would’ve killed her to think that a decade of this back-and-forth might’ve been over just like that, with him ready to walk away. But the look in his eyes, and his soft touch, made her dare to hope that they were a second away from starting something. Everything she’d ever wanted, in fact.

Si smiled into his lips as he pulled her closer, looping her arms around his neck so she could press herself into him and eliminate every inch of space between them. It sent her heart pounding to hear him whisper to her between kisses, things she’d never thought they’d be able to say out-loud. Sienna pressed herself closer so she could swing a leg around and straddle him, holding his face between her hands as she kissed him deeply. After weeks of radio silence and wondering if their friendship had just broken, it seemed unreal to feel him beneath her. “Don’t disappear on me again…”

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

When Sienna met his gaze, Rob knew he was done for. How could he deny her all this time, and ever deny her again? And why should he deny himself what he had wanted, no needed for nearly twenty years. She was before him, and he had laid his soul bare to her. He gathered Sienna in his arms and kissed her like he was begging for forgiveness. Like he was desperate for her as a drowning man was for air. When they finally parted, it was only for a moment. And in that moment, Sienna extracted from him a promise.

"I won't."

[end thread]