crashing out [simon]

[LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY]

15 August 2028

There was no sound in the room except for a low buzzing of an air conditioner. There were no beeps or shouts or unidentifiable noises, despite Luna continuing to be on the ward. Just the continued thrum of purified air as she stared blankly at the stark wall before her. It had been five days since Luna had landed herself here, after months of falling prey to her eating disorder and the subsequent deterioration of her body right before her eyes. Everything came crashing down before her - her position on the team was tenuous as it was, but Millie (who had visited yesterday) had insisted that she focus on healing herself first.

Reality sunk into Luna, unpleasant and heavy. She'd spoken to a mind healer a few times since she'd been admitted - and realised now just how much she'd hurt herself. How the habits she'd gotten herself into had shaken her very existence. It was a realisation that made Luna shudder every time she thought of it, but instead of hiding herself away and shuttering her mind, Luna knew she had to face her demons head on. She was determined to a fault - one characteristic she would bring with her wherever she was in life.

Luna closed her eyes briefly, allowing herself a moment of weakness. It was hard to believe that she had done this to herself. That she'd been so caught up in an unachievable goal, she'd sacrificed the one thing she needed most. Luna blinked, shifting her gaze around the room. She'd been given a private one, but she didn't know why. It wasn't like she was going to be here forever - the mind healer had already told her as much. She'd be released in a few days to a proper treatment centre, which Luna had signed off.

There was one glaring issue with the past five days. Not Luna's acceptance of her problem, not her melancholy at missed potential, not the fact that she had a private room. It was that Simon had not come to seen her. Admittedly, their relationship had been tense at best, and in pieces at worst. But still, his absence hurt Luna. But she couldn't blame him. With all of the things she'd said to him, she wouldn't visit her either.

simon sixten svendsen

[simon sixten svendsen]

It was crazy how quickly life could go from amazing to shit. Simon remembered a time not too long ago when he found comfort in his relationship with Luna. Sometimes he couldn't help but blame moving to Sweden on their distance but it seemed like once he moved to London, they grew even further apart. Simon couldn’t pinpoint where things started to go wrong with them, but one thing he did know was their relationship was more of a relationshit these days. 

Since the explosive dinner with Luna’s parents, they hadn’t spoken, besides a couple of text messages here and there stating they wouldn't be home. The distance and tension between them threw Simon into a downward spiral. He was angry with the way Luna constantly treated him, making him feel like he had to apologize for everything all the time when she, too, was being a terrible lover. Now he knew he was a dangerous man, he was a man who didn’t have anything to lose...

After contemplating seeing Luna for the past five days, he finally came around from a drunken blur, waking up and remembering he loved Luna more than life itself. He was tired of waking up with her side of the bed cold. Simon had the day off from quidditch today so he woke up, took a shower, and headed to the flower stand near his flat. Simon chose an assortment of roses and had them wrapped in a crystal glass vase. After a couple of moments of contemplation, he apparated to St. Mungos, deciding it was now or never. He felt guilty for not visiting her sooner but his anger and love still outweighed the guilt. What a strange feeling.

Simon checked in with the welcome witch at the front desk and was directed to her room. The hallways were eerily quiet, all he could hear were his own footsteps and someone humming dreamily in the distance. When Simon found the door with Luna's name on the placard, he slowly pushed the door open, peeking his head in before taking a step inside. His eyes fell on her, offering her a soft gaze. ”Hi Luna” he greeted quietly, unsure how she would react.


LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY

[LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY]

Luna stared absently at the blank wall, the lack of noise in the ward unsettling. It was like a silencing charm had been placed on her room, though she knew it was simply because it wasn’t busy. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to be better and get back to her life. But not her old life - she’d quickly learned how toxic that had been. How she’d pushed herself over the edge by being too hard on herself. The mind healer had worked wonders on her despite the short time that they’d had together. It was… almost like magic.

For the first time in days, the thought brought a wry smile to Luna’s lips. But it didn’t change her overall countenance as the seconds slipped by, each slower than the last. She breathed slowly, wondering if each exhale would get easier as the weight on her chest lifted. There was a noise at last, and Luna’s gaze slid towards the door. The only indication of her surprise was the slight lift of her brows as she watched Simon shuffle into the room looking very guilty indeed. He greeted her with a bouquet of flowers, but Luna made no move to say anything or even take them from him.

In the meantime, Luna’s mind was whirring. She thought of what the mind healer had told her, of the facts she’d had to face. Of how starting over with a clean state would be best. There was a long silence between the pair as Luna was reminded of how seemingly everything would go wrong between them. She recalled the entire history of them. How desperately she’d fallen in love with him despite how much she’d hated him. How such a strong emotion had shifted so quickly. How much it had hurt when he had first rebuked her. How wonderful she had felt when they finally managed to put aside their differences and give each other the love they deserved.

Luna’s lower lip quivered slightly. Her emotions had been dulled from her healing, but that hardly mitigated how intensely and brightly she burned for Simon. Their love had been fierce and unyielding, blasting apart everything in its path. Until one day, it hadn’t. These thoughts went through Luna’s head in a microsecond, before she opened her mouth to speak. ”Hello Simon,” she greeted quietly, her gaze steely as she watched him. ”I’m glad you came.” She paused, considering her next words carefully. ”We need to talk.”

simon sixten svendsen

[simon sixten svendsen]

As Simon entered the room, he was instantly hit with a wave of discomfort. Hospitals, or any institutionalized places in general, made him feel claustrophobic. Luna's steely gaze greeted him and he felt his mouth go dry. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to kiss her right now. Confusion nipped at his gut on how he was supposed to proceed. Her statement of 'we need to talk' didn't make him feel any better. It was reassurance that they were broken far past repair. Simon placed the flowers on the bedside table and gnawed on the inside of his cheek, nodding in agreement as he pulled a chair beside her bed. 

Offering her a weak smile, realization glazed over his eyes of what was about to happen. After five days of not talking, this was the moment he was dreading, the impending doom. Simon reached for Luna's hand to give it a squeeze, placing a kiss to the back of her warm palm. He released her hand and sighed, ruffling a hand through his hair. "Yes, we do." he agreed softly, slowly sitting back in his chair.

"But first-are you okay?" he asked her, eyes softening as he watched her carefully. Simon wanted to pull her into his arms and say sorry as they usually did but something seemed off about Luna. Simon wasn't sure if it was from the accident, or maybe her still being pissed off at him, all he knew was that he needed to tread lightly because he didn't want to fight anymore. It was too exhausting and he was hurting.

LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY

[LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY]

Luna and Simon looked at one another for a long moment. Like if one broke the other's gaze, they would have to drop back to reality. But as they looked at each other, they could pretend that everything would be alright. That not everything was tearing apart at the seams. For one moment, Luna allowed herself to feel normal again. That they could face these problems and fix them together. It was a long moment. But eventually, it passed.

Luna blinked, before speaking slowly. Even the words felt wrong on her tongue. Her heart hammered in her chest, and her usual spiteful fire was out. Her tone was even, but lacking. Even though the moment had broken, Luna hated what she knew had to come next. To heal, she needed to start fresh. And she and Simon had somehow gone from such passionate, intense love to something different. It was no less potent, but it had changed. And instead of building one another up, they had started to tear each other apart. Simon agreed with her softly, and Luna's eyes burned with unshed tears.

Chewing her lip nervously, Luna offered Simon a half shrug. "I've had better days," she said at last. "My head still hurts a bit, but they fixed up the broken bones quickly," she added quietly. "I've been seeing... I've been seeing a mind healer," Luna admitted after a pregnant pause. "I was so focused on winning that I stopped seeing my body as something that needed nurturing. I nearly killed myself, Simon," said Luna, her voice cracking as she squeezed her eyes shut, the tears leaking down her cheeks. "I cared so much about a stupid game that I pushed myself to death."

Admitting her fatal flaw was a big step for Luna. Someone who was always determined to be right, and to argue her own side. Knowing what she knew now, and sharing it was progress. "I have to start fresh. I need to start fresh. I need to heal myself first," said Luna, keeping her eyes shut tightly as if it would keep her heart from breaking. "I can't... I can't..." she started, but words deserted her. Her shoulders shuddered with a repressed sob as she finally brought her hands to her face, burying herself in her shame. "I can't do this. I can't start over. I just want to get better. I love you so much, but this time, love isn't enough."

simon sixten svendsen

[simon sixten svendsen]

Simon went silent as he listened to Luna explain seeing a mind healer and the realization that she was destroying her body. A part of him resented her for needing a stranger to tell her that, but he held his tongue. Simon didn't want to fight with Luna, nor did he want to be escorted out of St. Mungos for upsetting her in any way. He couldn't handle anymore public humiliation revolving around their relationship. "It sounds like you've received the help you needed and you're doing better. Thank Merlin, you survived. I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner, I-" he cut himself off, not wanting to give her any excuses this time. His true excuse this time was he figured she didn't want to see him after the dinner at the restaurant.

His eyes watched Luna carefully, trying to read her face, "You're right, Luna." he sighed after a long pause, eyes prickling with sadness. Simon couldn't find the words to say as he digested 'Love isn't enough'. Hell, he hated her for using that line on him over and over again. Every time those words punctured his heart more than the last. For so long, he believed love conquered all but maybe Luna was right. Maybe love was just a facade, threatening to crumble from reality at any moment. Maybe happiness was only temporary. It was hard to remember the good times with Luna when he felt this way.

Simon could barely look at her because he felt like he was going to cry, he looked at the floor. "I love you, Luna. And I will always love you." he stated, opening his mouth and closing it again as he decided what he wanted to say. Biting down on his lip, he took a breath in through his nostrils. "But our chapter in this book is over. It will forever be one of my favorites, but I can’t keep rereading it hoping for a different ending..” Simon choked, sadness creasing his face as his icy blue eyes finally met her steely gaze. He reached for her hand to comfort her, not realizing she may not want that. Simon swallowed dryly, "Nothing will change what we had but right now we're not good for each other." he tried to keep an even tone but struggled, heart shattering in his chest after the words fell from his lips.

LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY

[LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY]

Luna said nothing at Simon’s apology. She knew that he meant it with his whole heart, but it simply didn’t seem necessary. There was so much to forgive, and yet nothing seemed to matter so much anymore. Not as her heart was crumbling to pieces. Luna kept her gaze averted, unable to hold back the tears that streamed down her face as she laid their fate bare before them. They loved each other - at some point, Luna had thought that would be enough. But as reality had stepped back in, she realised how she needed her own love too.

At long last, Luna raised her gaze to meet Simon’s, struck by the way his crystalline eyes captured her. He took her hand, and Luna squeezed back. ”It really was something, wasn’t it,” said Luna, swiping away the tears with her free hand. There was a long pause between them, and then that was it. How simple it was to end years of build up. Of trial and heartache and adoration.

A healer in lime green robes bustled into the room, freezing as he spotted Luna and Simon. ”I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you had a visitor,” said the healer, glancing awkwardly between the pair. Luna took a deep breath, and studied the healer. He was new, at least new to her. ”That’s okay.” She returned her gaze to Simon, pleading. ”One last goodbye?” asked Luna, her voice barely above a whisper at the realisation that shortly, Simon would be walking out of her room and out of her life. Forever.

simon sixten svendsen

[simon sixten svendsen]

Simon offered Luna a soft smile and nod when she made the comment that their love was something. He squeezed her hand in response because he knew if he said anything else it would be barely comprehendible. The half vampire would be lying if he said he didn't see it coming, but reality hit much harder than he expected. Simon didn't want to think about his life in absence of Luna. There wasn't anyone else he wanted to be with romantically. The thought made him sick to his stomach. Simon was in a battle with his heart and head...his heart felt like he was supposed to keep fighting, but his head knew what was right for the both of them.

A young healer entered the room, accidentally interrupting their moment, but they both knew it was probably for the best. Simon didn't have much else to say to Luna. Nor did she have anything to say to him. It was probably better off to leave things at an amicable close, unsure if they'd ever see each other again.

Simon wiped fallen tears from his face as he quickly stood up to his feet. He took a step toward her bed and folded over to give her a hug, holding her for a moment before pulling away to hold her face to look her intently in the eyes. "You're a strong, incredible woman, who will do amazing things. Please take care of yourself, Luna." Simon stated gently, eyes pleading before planting a final soft kiss to her lips. He pulled away to give her one last look before turning on his heel and walking out of the room without looking back, because the world he knew  was slowly crumbling around him.  

LUNA LACHESIS TRELAWNEY