ragged insomnia [Lance]

[Vivian River Jordan]

4 June 2029

Was denial a single point in time, some line you could cross, or was it just a constant state of being? Viv leaned back in the chair as far back as it would let her, squinting at the ceiling and wondering how she’d gotten here. Here being more of a metaphorical question, because she knew exactly where she was. In the dressing room used by guests of her show, except that nobody would be using it for a long time (Witch TV kept promising it was only temporary, but HOWL had been in the papers for a year now and Viv wasn’t that naïve). She stared at the ceiling a moment longer, then sat up so she could watch her puffskein burrow into her pillow nest on the couch.

“I have to call them,” Viv said aloud to Drizzle, although it lacked her usual level of enthusiasm and/or mad scientist curiosity. No, her tone was just flat. A little defeated, if she was being honest. Potterwatch was fully booked weeks ahead of every episode, and Viv kept calling the day before every show to cancel whatever she’d booked. It was depressing, but she wasn’t ready to clear her schedule yet. That was just properly admitting that her show was done, all because she’d had the bad luck of being a werewolf. But that just brought her back to her initial question. Had she crossed the point of denial back in the winter, when the first signs had emerged that they were considering a hiatus, even if Viv had doubted it would really happen? Or was she just in a constant state of denial now because she still thought every week that maybe she’d be allowed to film something?

She was jittery, so Viv got up to pace around the smallish room while she thought. Drizzle followed her progress with her eyes, but stayed quiet (which was unusual for her chirpy puffskein). “Maybe we could just reschedule,” Viv wondered, but even she knew how lame that sounded. Bête Noire wasn’t going to come on her show anytime soon. Viv would be lucky to still have a show if they ever decided to take her off hiatus. The longer she was gone, the faster people would forget her. She’d spent years building a fanbase, but being in entertainment meant knowing they weren’t really loyal to her. They’d find other things to watch, and then what was she going to do?

“Okay, don’t go there. You’re spiraling. Just start with the call.” Viv took a breath to calm herself. The anxiety in her head was running around kinda unchecked, but she didn’t really know what was going to happen. Maybe people would call asking about the show. Maybe people would miss her, and Witch TV would change their minds. Until then, she just had to worry about the next episode. Viv threw herself onto the couch and scrolled through her contacts before she could change her mind again. Lance Linley. He wasn’t really the ‘leader’ of the band, but he did the most talking for them. She paused, took a second to reflect on what her life was becoming, and then hit the video call button before she could chicken out.

lancelot ray linley

[lancelot ray linley]

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Things had been winding down with his band for a while now. They were still ‘together’ on paper, but it had been a minute since they had actually performed with one another. Or even acknowledged each other’s existence. Lance knew that there had been some questions towards ulterior motives he may or may not have had by starting to date Camila, but it was completely innocent and natural on his end. Which also worked against him at times. While he didn’t care what others thought of him, it was easy to tell that he was viewed as encroaching on Camila’s life by some of the more fanatical ‘fans’ and those in the industry that were jealous of her.

All in all, things were a little weird right now with those around him. Bête Noire being on the outs really didn’t bother him as much anymore as it had earlier in the year when the decision was made to finish out their engagements before calling it. The other members would move back onto their solo careers that they’d had prior, and Lance had already started spending time in the studio as a session musician. He quite liked it that way too. Being on stage wasn’t nearly as fun as he had always imagined it, and touring was exhausting. Acting as a support was far better for him than as a band member.

One of their scheduled interviews was with Vivian Jordan of Potterwatch. Lance tuned in from time to time when he was free but hadn’t had the chance over the last couple of months. That was just life in general. Busy enough that he couldn’t always do the things he wanted, but not crazy enough to make him feel overwhelmed. Yet. With the full band interview coming up soon, Lance wasn’t expecting too much out of it. A lot of fake smiles and future promises for a band that was on the outs already. Their few remaining fans would eat it up though.

The phone call that came through was certainly not what he was expecting though. Staring at Vivian’s name on the screen, Lance wondered why he was getting called instead of the band’s ‘manager’. Maybe because he often came across as the most competent amongst them? He hadn’t actually missed the interview had he, and this was her calling him into it while his bandmates sat across from her laughing about his mistake? ”Hello?” he asked carefully as he placed the phone up to his ear.

Vivian River Jordan ● 418

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Vivian River Jordan]

Viv had always been full of energy, sometimes a rather jarring amount (which had irritated her professors to no end during her infamous run at Hogwarts). The key had always been to find the proper outlet for it, which was why Viv had constantly started and quit new hobbies while she looked for ways to positively burn the excess energy. A few things had stuck over the years, one of the most prominent being her boundless love of pranks, but she couldn’t deny that Potterwatch had become her passion project since she’d first pitched the idea. The show seemed to require endless amounts of attention and creativity, but it’d been perfect since Viv had never yet reached a state of burnout, or having nothing left to give. But these days? With the show all but DOA, Viv didn’t have anywhere productive to put her time and energy. So she started pacing around the room again, the sound of the phone dialing Lance’s number only serving to add to her anxiety.

She sorta expected it to go straight to voicemail. Almost hoped for it, really. Because who in their generation still made phone calls, and who even answered them? Leaving a message would be its own kind of stressful, but that would allow Viv to stammer through some excuses and then be done with it. Having anxious butterflies in her stomach from the thought of holding a conversation was an unfamiliar feeling. Viv had always loved to talk to people. So when the phone abruptly stopped ringing and a faint ‘hello’ sounded from the line, Viv stared at her phone for a moment in disbelief. Either he’d answered or this was the most genuine-sounding message someone had left for their voicemail.

“Er, hello. Hi.” Viv answered abruptly as if she’d only answered the phone and had not actually initiated the call. After a moment in which her mind had gone totally blank – which was rare, the kind of thing that could be documented and displayed in a museum – Viv pulled herself together and collapsed on the couch besides Drizzle’s nest of cushions. “Hope this is a good time to call, yeah? I just wanted to check in about the band’s interview. We’ve, er, decided to push it off for a while, unclear how long really.” It seemed best to just be up-front about it, rather than stammering through small talk and excuses for why it couldn’t happen. After a moment, Viv reviewed what she’d said and wrinkled her nose. It didn’t sound quite right, like there was just an issue with time slots or something. But nobody had coached her on what reasoning to use, or how much to share. One day, Witch TV had just started freezing her out with vague emails and producers that seemed unwilling to say the real reason for it. “It’s not you!” she added quickly, “Just some, er…big changes being made about Potterwatch. We’ve been on hiatus, y’know…”

lancelot ray linley

[lancelot ray linley]

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Lance immediately wondered if he maybe shouldn’t have answered the call. From the way Vivian sounded almost shocked that he had, he got the impression that he had caught her off guard. That was sort of his problem, really. Always being the one to answer at almost any hour, hoping that it kept up the appearance of pleasing everyone. He was learning though. The fact that he didn’t need to accept every job or gig that came his way now was sort of nice, and the only important calls or messages he needed to answer quickly were from Camila or his sister (and occasionally his manager).

Before Lance could ask why he was getting the call, instantly assuming that for some reason his manager had become momentarily unavailable, Vivian continued on quickly and explained that it had been cancelled for the time being and was most likely going to be rescheduled. For a time that was yet to be determined. He let a moment of silence follow as he tried to find the words to respond. Did the band even have that amount of time left before they officially disbanded? He personally didn’t think so. They hadn’t toured in ages, and they weren’t working on anything in the studio. Or at the very least they weren’t working on anything with him involved. Lance wasn’t oblivious; he knew that musicians tended to keep working before telling members that they had gotten the axe. If that was the case, he wasn’t going to find out until it was too late.

And that got him thinking: was he already out and Vivian knew, and that’s why this had been postponed? He started to say something to the tune of it ‘being alright with the postponement’, but she quickly added that it had nothing to do with him, and more to do with Potterwatch. ”Oh…” Lance finally muttered. He had sort of known of the break, but had assumed it had more to do with external cancellations than Witch TV. Wasn’t the show really popular? ”It’s alright,” he added. ”Happens all the time with us, you know? Festival gets rained out or someone accidentally schedules for an outdoor daytime show.” With their lead singer being a vampire, that was an unreasonable expectation to have.

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[Vivian River Jordan]

The situation did seem rather odd, at surface-level – like two people who both seemed bewildered to be in a conversation at all, even though one had called and the other had answered. They both sort of stammered through the opening niceties of a call, although Viv had to clear her throat once or twice to check that this was actually happening and she was really producing words. But yes, it did appear as if this was occurring in real-time and he was listening and responding to her prompts. She thought she’d feel relieved after getting out the word ‘hiatus.’ Like, say it, make it real, get rid of the elephant in the room. But really, it just made Viv feel worse. She could feel her ability to keep herself calm and collected sliding into the pit of her stomach, like she might just lose that last thread of sanity at any minute.

She slumped into the couch to wait out the silence between her last words and the expectation that Lance might soon respond. Merlin, it really did seem to be taking him a second to process. “Yeah, sorry. It’s not…ideal,” Viv said, drooping slightly as he finally seemed to understand her very subtle hints that she didn’t know if and when the show would be back on (and the band with it to promote themselves and show off a bit). It sucked to be apologizing for something that was happening against her will, but the habit was hard to break. ’Sorry’ just described the whole situation. Sorry for being a werewolf, sorry for being so visible at the wrong time, sorry that this wasn’t convenient to the higher-ups. She released her breath slowly, pressing the phone tight against her ear and slumping forward – very grateful that he couldn’t see her in that moment, which meant she could physically express all the words that couldn’t come out right now.

Nodding slightly at the situation Lance was describing, Viv laughed to herself under her breath – although it was more bitter than usual. “Yeah, I’m…familiar. You’d be gobsmacked to know how many exec meetings can only somehow happen on the day after the full moon…All of them, apparently.” Or work retreats, or recording sessions, or day-trips to film her special spotlights. Maybe that was why she’d never managed to talk to an actual human being to make her case against hiatus. No, all she got was flurried emails and unanswered texts to her producers, and the hope that they might soon change their minds and stop censoring her (because how long was she supposed to be held hostage to public attention on HOWL?). Viv couldn’t remember the last time she’d just casually mentioned the werewolf thing to someone, though. She did sometimes say something to James, but complaining to him felt wrong. And she somehow never seemed to have made a werewolf friend. Someone to commiserate about the familiar inconveniences of being different from most other people. Anyway, it wouldn’t have mattered either way. Viv considered herself highly professional and part of that meant not discussing her ‘professional handicaps’ with anyone (at least, according to her producers who wanted her to be successful). This was highly irregular, but the whole situation was. She was being forced to cancel her own shows at the command of some unknown higher-up that didn’t want to bring the wrong kind of attention to the station right now. So yeah, she deserved to complain once or twice, right?

lancelot ray linley