tightrope [Rhys]

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

17 February 2029

This was always the time of month when Sienna found herself with enough free time to string a thought or two together. The period after the full moon was always chaotic, with an influx of new data to process – and the week before the full moon was worse, since that was when all the werewolves rushed to buy their potion. But now? Sienna had actually found herself with a little free time, relaxing in her flat with her cat on her lap as she flipped through the latest edition of Witch Weekly. But her mind wasn’t on the recipe she was supposed to be reading through. No, she was wondering where Rhys was. He’d told her a few months ago that he’d start traveling soon for work after a long chunk of time staying local. She supposed it wasn’t such a stretch to think he was abroad, but the radio silence worried her.

She gently picked her cat up and ignored the meow of complaint as Si crossed the room to study some Aware Wolf files she’d brought home. She flipped through long lists of names and trial results, frowning as it became clear that Rhys’s name wasn’t on the list for that month – or the one before, or the one before that. He’d been one of the first werewolves to volunteer for Aware Wolf, so she and Rob kept meticulous data on him of the potion’s effectiveness, its side effects and so on. That data collection was supposed to continue even now, but Rhys hadn’t been submitting his results. So it wasn’t just in Si’s head when she wondered how long it’d been since they’d last seen each other. Sienna stood with the files in her hands for a few moments longer, a fierce debate running in her mind about what to do.

Rhys didn’t like her lectures, and there might be some legitimate reason for not submitting his Aware Wolf data. But she’d ignored her instincts that’d told her something was wrong during their last conversation, and it might actually start to affect Aware Wolf if Rhys’s self-destructive behavior continued (because what else could this be?). I won’t jump to any conclusions, Sienna told herself sternly, This is just a fact-finding mission. Because she’d made up her mind that the only way to know was to ask. And the only way to ask was to go to the source himself. Sienna carefully tucked the files away and locked her flat door behind her. Turning on her heel, she quickly Apparated to a quiet corner near Rhys’s building and took her time finding her way to his door.

She knocked once, twice, waited a few moments to see what would happen. There was no answer, so Sienna tentatively tried the door and found it unlocked. The internal debate in her head wondering if she was doing the right thing immediately quieted. Si entered and closed the door behind her, immediately struck by the fact that the room was in near darkness (even though it was barely past noon). The overpowering smell of whisky was the second thing to register, and Sienna glanced around to ensure that Amelia wasn’t here – that whatever this was, the baby wasn’t being exposed to it. She didn’t see any signs of her, or Rhys, so Sienna went investigating until she found Rhys’s bedroom. The scene gave her déjà vu of going to find Rob too, when he’d lock himself away from the world and from her. She suppressed a shiver at the thought. She knocked once, louder than she needed to, and opened the door forcefully. Sienna raised an eyebrow at the sight of Rhys, conscious but not the clear-eyed cursebreaker he was capable of being either. “You better have a great explanation for this,” she said sharply, standing in the doorway.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

The room wasn’t quite level. And it took Rhys a moment to recognize his room. Merlin, it was a mess. But random images flashed through his mind, and he couldn’t differentiate if it were part of some real life dream or events. In fact, Rhys wasn’t quite sure what day it was or what time. Somewhere in the background echoed the sound of something hitting the wall. From what he could gather now, Rhys remembered going out for a few drinks—well, a lot of drinks. But he didn’t quite feel hungover. Instead, a strange haze filled his mind. Another loud sound echoed nearby, and the door to his bedroom swung open loudly.

Blinking a few times, he registered Sienna in the doorway. ”I think—“ Rhys paused as his thought was interrupted by a small burp—probably from sitting up too quickly. ” Can you—erm—someone at the door…” When was the last time he saw Si? Now, he couldn’t recall. Either way, Rhys felt a mix of exhaustion and dazed, which became more apparent as he stood up. The room wobbled a bit once more and he had a thought as to why. Merlin—was he still drunk? Well, he wasn’t going to get any sleep in this state, which meant he needed another glass or two so he could settle in and finally sleep.

The thing was, Rhys hadn’t worked since the new year and hadn’t seen his daughter since before Christmas. The letters and notes regarding his suspension, legal problems, and custody case were haphazardly stacked on his desk and dining table, and he found that unless a substantial amount of alcohol was involved, Rhys wasn’t going to sleep with everything on his mind. Considering the present company, it was lucky Rhys had the decency to pass out with his pants on. Barefoot and shirtless, Rhys hobbled toward the doorway with his mind set on another drink. ”’S’cuse me…” He mumbled as he passed into the hallway. Passing the living room, he stopped, however, as he spotted a glass with a bit of something in it left on his coffee table.

Rhys figured he hadn’t slept for that long since he wasn't hungover. It happened now and then. ”Isn’t it late? What’re you doing here?” He asked as if Si was in front of him, but he didn’t check. And, since it had become a habit the past few years, Rhys spoke again. ”Amelia isn’t here…” Sienna and his friends always asked for his daughter, and if she wasn’t here, then they demanded pictures. But the thought had Rhys looking around for the bottle of whiskey he usually had—yes, there it was on a side table. That sinking feeling returned heavily in his chest as it settled into his stomach—and not because he was drinking straight from the bottle now.

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[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

It seemed to take Rhys a while to understand who was standing at the doorway, although he hadn’t yet seemed to have gotten to the question of why Si had barged in. Instead he muttered something about someone being at the door as he pushed himself up, and Sienna released a heavy sigh (but not all her self-control was gone! Despite how badly she wanted to roll her eyes, she’d managed to temporarily suppress the instinct). “I was at the door,” she informed him sternly, “And it was unlocked. Is that the kind of security you have to break through in Egypt? Seems like anyone could be a cursebreaker, then.” She was exaggerating, of course, but she was annoyed enough at Rhys and his extended radio silence (again) to want to push his buttons a bit.

She quickly dragged her eyes up to the ceiling as Rhys pulled himself out of bed, but it only took a second to confirm he was wearing pants. Which wasn’t as obvious a conclusion as one might think. He shuffled past Sienna like he still hadn’t quite grasped the idea that she was here, and Sienna raised both eyebrows at his back as he lumbered off. The thought that he wasn’t hungover yet because he was still drunk only occurred to her as he began to talk like she was still next to him, and Sienna trailed down the hallway after him. “It’s the middle of the day,” she said crossly as she emerged from the hallway to see Rhys with a glass in his hand, like he’d somehow Summoned it from somewhere. Si snatched it away before he could down the little bit of liquid left and looked for somewhere to put it.

That was when she really began to notice the chaos. When she’d first walked in, Si had been looking for Rhys – so her eyes had skipped over the living room itself while she’d wandered down the hallway to his bedroom. On her last visit, the flat had also looked messy, but it’d been a controlled kind of chaos. Toys, cursebreaker notes, things to suggest the place was being used and lived in. But now? It looked like Rhys hadn’t organized the place since the last time she’d visited, and her eyes lingered on the stack of paperwork on the table. But her attention was quickly diverted by Rhys, who somehow had a bottle of something in his hand again. “It looks like she hasn’t been here in weeks,” she pointed out as she snatched the bottle of whisky away, juggling both the bottle and the glass in her hands as she finally cleared off a little space on the coffee table and set them both down. With her hands free, Sienna finally turned to face Rhys and cross her arms. And ask the million dollar question. “Why haven’t you been submitting your Aware Wolf results? Where’ve you been?”

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

The bottle was in Rhys’s hand as quickly as Sienna had disposed of the glass. It wasn’t anything to note at first, at least until the bottle was confiscated. He’d managed about a mouthful of whiskey before Sienna appeared in front of him again. With his brow furrowed, Rhys shot Sienna a look while whipping his mouth with the back of his hand. Why was she taking his whiskey? And Rhys was somehow the barbarian when she was snatching his drinks right out of his hands? But the main distraction was her words. Weeks. The sinking feeling from his chest into his stomach threatened to bring him to his knees, but he pushed through and drunkenly approached his bookshelf.

Letting his fingers sit on the tops of an entire row of books, he appeared to count them before stopping on the third book. Rhys’s finger pulled on the top of the spine so the book neatly left the shelf in his hand. Finally, he turned back around. ”Erm—working. Mostly.” It was partly true, at least for whatever months he skipped the previous year. But he supposed there wasn’t much of an excuse since his recent suspension. Opening the book, Rhys moved chunks of pages until he found his goal. The book actually hid a flask. With that in hand, Rhys tossed the fake book onto the couch and attempted to drain the flask in one go.

”I have the—um—the—“ Rhys struggled to think clearly. ”My notes. I have some notes…somewhere…” There was a vague memory of notes about a full moon, though he was hardly sober enough to distinguish a far memory from a recent one. Stumbling over to the dining table, Rhys laid his hand flat on the paperwork pile and began shuffling it around. It was the first pile he saw. Had he been sober, Rhys would have known to look in his desk or the bookshelf rather than through the pile of paperwork regarding his recent legal mess. ”It's…somewhere…” His eyes struggled to focus on the print and handwriting. It was like his eyes refused to focus as much as the blue refused to stand out as they once did.

But then he stopped on a specific letter, the one that had him drink himself into a stupor the month before. Waking up with a hall of a hangover and flat covered in broken glass. ”Merlin…Si—I can’t…do this right now…” As frustration grew violently in his gut, the room spun a little. And his flask seemed to have gone missing, which frustrated him even more.

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[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Sienna was battling between being annoyed and worried. The annoyance was an easy emotion to pinpoint – she hated it when people went radio silent for long periods of time, if only because it usually meant they’d gone off on a spiral of self-destructive behavior. It left her guessing, and unsure whether to give them space or be a little more intrusive. That was where the worry came in. Because Si felt the annoyance churning in her gut as she glared at Rhys’s back, but it was nothing compared to the deep uneasy feeling that something was wrong. Really wrong. Not just the exhaustion of being a new parent, or dealing with chatty trainees, or having another fight with his supposedly ex-girlfriend. Rhys looked completely, thoroughly defeated and he wandered around like he had a vague purpose in mind but couldn’t quite grab at it.

She watched him, a little baffled, as he began to rummage through the bookcase. It seemed like such a nonsensical thing to do in the middle of a conversation, and she raised an eyebrow at his back. “Working on your tolerance level, you mean,” Sienna corrected crabbily. She wasn’t usually so petty, but she couldn’t quite let her frustration go. Babying Rhys never did anything, and in any case – when he didn’t submit his results to her, it violated the transparency measures they were supposed to be following. Nobody had asked to see the data, but what if they did? She could only be so sympathetic when he couldn’t even give her a good reason for disappearing off the face of the earth. Si sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as she finally realized why Rhys had been looking through his books.

He'd already taken a healthy swallow from the flask, but he was easily distracted in this state. He began to shuffle through the mess of papers on the dining table and Si took the opportunity to snatch the flask from his hand. She considered doing a quick Accio, because who knew what else he had hidden around the flat, but he seemed to think some of the paperwork she wanted was on the table. So Si let the flask hang loosely from her hand as she joined him to glance over the mess. She paused at his last comment, her eyes flicking between the table and his face – if he’d seemed dazed before, then he looked properly upset now. Her curiosity finally won out and Si skimmed some of the closest pieces of parchment – she wanted to respect his privacy, but Rhys looked a proper mess and it was hard to watch. Her eyes widened the more she read, different expressions of shock and disbelief crossing her face. “What in the name of Merlin’s staff…” she trailed off, skimming through what looked to be a legal brief. She finally stopped, unable to read any more, and turned to Rhys. “Rhys, talk to me. Explain to me what’s been going on, because I don’t understand.” Si paused, set the flask gingerly on the table, and leaned against the edge. “Forget about Aware Wolf. Just…start at the beginning.”

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

Drinking comments hardly phased Rhys anymore. He was used to hearing them from whomever he was around. It didn’t matter what he did; someone would always hold an opinion, it seemed. He drank too much. What was wrong with him? He’d hardly drunk anything. Like with everything else in his life, Rhys couldn’t win. The idea continued to settle in his mind as rambling and drunk thoughts swirled in his brain fueled by his latest whiskey binge. And it just so happened that Sienna was one of his harsher critics, but sober Rhys would expect nothing less than the most direct comments from his good friend.

A hard lump formed in his throat as a chill traveled up his arms and the rest of his spine. Rhys hardly noticed Sienna scanning the scattered documents, and the reactions were loudly forming in her expression. Instead, his mind wandered to those haunted memories, including how his daughter had looked at him after that brawl. ”Sage won’t let me see her…” His voice was low, and his eyes focused on sights in his mind. On the table where Rhys had laid his hands flat on paperwork, his fingers slowly formed into fists as the letters crumpled beneath them. And he clenched his jaw, fighting the raw emotion sitting in his chest.

Somewhere in the background, he heard Si’s voice. The beginning? What was the beginning? When Fenrir had killed his mom? Or when Rhys had gotten into a brawl at a pub? ”Sh-she never wanted me around. Sage things I’m…” Again, he paused, frustration morphing into a rage—the indignation of the situation. After what Rhys had shared with Sage about his childhood, she turned around and did this. And somehow, he was the monster in all this. But the rage faded like a flash as that sense of defeat washed over once more. But maybe Si would understand. She’d lost a parent as well, and Rhys had shared what haunted his dreams in the night. His mother’s violent end at Fenrir’s hands or the weight of the guilt he carried after Saffron’s death.

Relaxing his hands, Rhys ignored how his eyes had welled up and his shallow breathing. The glint of the flask caught his eye, and he reached for the metal container. ”She doesn’t understand. And Amelia…” Rhys paused before drinking from the flask again. ”But you—“ The thought was sudden and popped into his head just as he’d finished drinking, and he focused on Si in front of him. ”You understand. You know…you know me.” Rhys clarified, drunkenly pointing at Si before jabbing a finger into his own bare chest. ”You can help me.” Right? She could speak on his behalf? Vaguely, he recalled his solicitor’s advice on the matter. Character witnesses or something to that effect. ”Sage and-and Vas and Juni...they just…don’t…” He shook his head lightly side to side. They didn’t understand, perhaps never had. All Rhys wanted was to be a good father, to do the best he could, and give his daughter everything he never had.

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[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Rhys seemed to be working through some thoughts in his head, and Sienna raised an eyebrow at him as she waited to hear more of the story. It was like stumbling onto a crime scene, except she was trying to piece together what had happened without any evidence and a very (very very) drunk witness. He seemed to be having trouble putting complete thoughts together, and after one half-formed sentence and then another, Si waited to see if she’d get anything else. After a few moments, it seemed clear that all she’d get was that Sage had taken Amelia and (legally?) stopped Rhys from seeing the baby. “Why?” she prodded after another moment of silence. She’d met most of the characters in this story, and Sage didn’t seem the vindictive sort. And whatever she thought Rhys was, he seemed incapable of saying it out-loud (lost? Directionless? A bad father?).

“Hey,” Sienna said, snatching the flask away from Rhys again and trying to ensure she had his attention. His gaze focused on her, but she couldn’t be sure how much he was actually processing what she was saying. “It’s not you against the world, okay? There are people who care about you. You have to let them.” And if some of them had taken a step back, she finished silently in her head, there must be a reason. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the mention of his (supposedly) ex-girlfriends, but that was the least concerning thing happening right now. He was acting erratic, and she resisted the urge to take a step back at the way he’d seemed to seize on this idea that she could help him.

Because yeah, there were some things that she really understood – like what it meant to grow up without a mom and wonder at the injustice of the way she’d died – but she’d never been the type to isolate herself. And whatever frustration and bitterness was driving him to this drinking binge and long-term radio silence…it was dangerous to give those emotions a chance to fuel his choices. He didn’t look like himself, too caught up in whatever series of events that had ended with losing access to Amelia. “How about we clean up a bit first, and then talk?” she said, phrasing the question as more of a firm suggestion as she took the flask in her hands and set it by the other bottles of whisky on the coffee table.

It was impossible to get any answers out of Rhys like this, and it was becoming almost unbearable to be surrounded by the signs of his deteriorating state of mind. The loss of control could easily send someone spiraling, and she hated to admit that some small part of her thought this might be too much for her too. So she focused on the here and now. Si pulled her wand out and gave it a quick flick to start tidying up the living room. Simple things to make the room look less chaotic. “Come and help me. Or at least move out of the way,” she ordered, twirling briefly to look at Rhys unsteady on his feet, before she turned to aim her wand at the kitchen. She doubted he was capable of it right now, but maybe clearing the mess would also start clearing the clutter in Rhys’s mind too? Or so she hoped at least. One step at a time, because something had to be done but this mess was clearly months in the making. It’d take a lot longer to get the story out of Rhys before anything could actually be done.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

Why indeed. Rhys closed his eyes and tried to force his brain to let his thoughts settle instead of spin in his skull. At the same time, he hardly noticed the flask leave his hand, Sienna taking charge of his alcohol consumption once more. Rhys opened his eyes and looked at Sienna. She looked stern, that familiar concern in her eyes but that determination he so admired of her. Rhys tried to focus on her words, but instead, he could only wonder if he’d ever told her how much he appreciated her in his life, even if she was actively blocking his attempt to drown himself in whiskey.

The wild swings between anger and sentimentality never helped and were typical. From his thoughts boiling over, he couldn’t remember throwing something across his flat to feeling overwhelming dread or hopelessness. However, some days, it felt more like the latter. You against the world. Merlin, how many times had Rhys heard that before? ”Isn’t it?” Rhys’s brow furrowed. ”N-nobody wants a werewolf.” At least that’s what the papers said, not that Rhys had read the latest. Feeling angry again, he shook his head when she spoke next.

Walking toward his kitchen, Rhys didn’t care to stop what she was doing. Opening up cabinets, they swung open and almost bounced back closed due to the force. But Rhys was looking for something, which he quickly found. Well—that explained where the bourbon had gone, but he had no memory of putting it next to the coffee mugs. Shrugging, Rhys popped it open and drank straight from the bottle. Though leaning his head back like that threw off his balance slightly. Stumbling a bit, he held onto the counter so he didn’t drop the bottle and let himself drop to the floor, where he leaned against the lower cabinets. At least the bottle was safe.

Memories and emotions flooded him. ”Nobody wants a werewolf.” He repeated, eyes dazed and staring off at nothing in particular. Merlin, how many years had he spent in that bloody orphanage watching the other kids leave with all the hope in the world in their eyes? Hardly anyone remained until their seventeenth birthday, only to be unceremoniously asked to leave now that they were of age. And why? Nobody wanted the werewolf kid. The son of a monster. ”I’m so…tired…” Letting his elbows rest on his knees, Rhys took another swig from the bottle.

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[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Sienna couldn’t be sure what exactly she’d been expecting when she’d Apparated over to Rhys’s flat, but the reality was so much worse. She’d started to hype herself up mentally to prepare for what was surely going to be a difficult conversation, and ran through the next few steps in her head. Break things down into easier tasks, clean up a bit, sober Rhys up, and start to piece the story together. But Rhys’s muttered comment stunned her, and she stopped flicking her wand so she could turn and look at him. After a few seconds of grappling with speechlessness, Si weakly protested, “Rhys…that’s not true.”

She and Rob had never outright argued about it, but Si knew that he felt the same way about being a werewolf. In fact, she’d heard quite a few expressions of self-hate, and shame, and guilt from the werewolves that passed through the apothecary to pick up their monthly dose of Aware Wolf. Rob’s interest in the potion was because he ultimately wanted to find a cure. A way to get the monster out of him. And despite knowing him for years, there wasn’t much Sienna could do besides give reassurances that he wasn’t, that they were all wonderful and real and human despite being werewolves. Because she wasn’t a werewolf herself, right? So she could only observe from the side, and try to act as normal as possible to show that she didn’t view them any different. Some days, it didn’t feel like enough.

Rhys wandered over to the kitchen and Sienna warily followed, still trying to tidy up the counters while he walked as if he was in a dream. She sighed in exasperation as he pulled out another bottle of something from somewhere, and tucked her wand away so she could follow him past the refrigerator. At some point, he’d sunk down to the floor and Sienna stood over him. Snatching the bottle away, she pursed her lips and looked down at his defeated pose. “Stop it! Stop telling yourself these lies and stop throwing yourself a pity party.” It took a lot of self-restraint not to slam the bottle of bourbon onto the counter. “Look at me. And listen. How many years have we known each other? I’d have thought you’d know me better by now than to believe I wouldn’t want a werewolf.” Si tapped her foot, thought about what else she might say. It felt like she was trying to delicately navigate something she’d never had to say out-loud before, even if she’d thought it enough times. “I’m here for you, okay? So we’ll make some coffee and talk things out. But you have to stop lying to me. I can’t help you if you keep details from me, or edit the story a certain way. So just…work with me on this.”

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

The bottle was taken from Rhys, and he looked at Si, who stood over him. The dazed look didn’t leave him. And neither did all the pain he felt. It all felt so hopeless. Sage had everything she needed to force Rhys out of her life and Amelia’s. Not to mention the sidelining of his career as well. He’d never claim he was perfect or make the right decisions all the time, but Rhys felt the weight of all the factors stacked against him. It wasn’t bloody fair.

Sienna spoke bluntly and directly. Rhys wasn’t sober enough to block her out completely but also not sober enough to fully appreciate what she said. ”Its not—“ He began to protest before she kept going. A pity party? It wasn’t a pity party when so much was true. HOWL had made things so much worse. Hadn’t he and Sarah discussed this over drinks as they lamented their custody issues? Why did she take his bourbon? All the while she’d spoken, all Rhys could feel was panic rising in his system. This rollercoaster of alternating states—feeling like the world would end and complete numbness was wearing.

Rhys found himself staring off into the distance at something not there. His breathing felt rapid, and the overwhelming dread made it all seem hopeless. Before he could stop himself, Rhys felt his eyes well up. The lack of sleep made his eyes feel more irritated than normal. ”I just want to see my daughter…” Rhys spoke softly. ”She’s going to think I don’t want her.” The thought felt like too much. Much like the other day when he’d triggered a memory—one when Amelia was still a newborn, and he still didn’t have a clue how he’d help create something so wonderful. It was enough to hasten his spiral at the time.

”I don’t know what to do…” Mentally drained and emotionally drained, Rhys gave up the search for alcohol. Especially now that he was cornered in his kitchen. Si pleaded with Rhys for his cooperation, and, not feeling like he had another option, he slowly nodded. ”Alright.”

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[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

For possibly the first time since she’d arrived, Rhys stopped his jerky, frantic movements. His eyes didn’t glance continuously around the room, like he was searching for the source of his next drink. And he seemed to have settled on the floor as his final resting place, rather than stumbling his way through the flat with Sienna following a step or two behind. Sienna nudged the half-empty bottles just a bit farther away, just to be safe, and then debated with herself as she looked down at Rhys. As he whispered that he didn’t know what to do, Si deflated slightly. “Me neither,” Si finally admitted, her tone a little more uncertain as she acknowledged that she also didn’t know how to move forward. Rhys had always done his best to hide things away, especially the unpleasant parts of his life. She didn’t know what to do with his new honesty.

But she started by removing her wand again so she could give it a wave and start the coffeepot doing its work. And then with another flick, preparing two mugs on the kitchen counter. She figured this must simply be the start of a complicated potion, a tricky one she hadn’t mastered yet. First Sienna had done an inventory – not that Rhys had given her much to work with and she’d had to see for herself the mess of paperwork on the table to understand how bad the situation was. Now they simply needed to outline the next few steps and get it done. Easier said than done, but at least he didn’t have to figure it out alone anymore. Sienna sighed to herself and debated how much to tell Rob. He might understand better than she did, but only if he was in a receptive mood for it. Otherwise he could just as easily get dragged down. When the coffeepot stopped, Sienna grabbed the mugs and sat next to Rhys on the kitchen floor. She firmly placed one mug in his hands (better not to give him too many options right now) and contemplatively sipped at her own coffee.

“I know you want to see her,” Si finally said after a lengthy pause. She stretched her legs out to settle down more comfortably on the floor and looked over at Rhys. “But you know that wanting it isn’t enough. You have to be ready to show her. And make some real changes.” She knew how hard it was to break old habits, especially when they became a sort of defense mechanism. But sacrifices speak louder than words, and unfortunately – Rhys had been promising it long enough, and then always sliding back into familiar patterns. She suspected it had gone on much longer than they’d known each other, even. After another pause, Si asked, “Are you really ready for that? Because if you aren’t…” Si shrugged uncomfortably. His daughter was too young to have opinions on anything. But the older Amelia got, the higher the chance that Rhys might hurt her with these backslides too. Maybe it was even better this way, if he refused to confront the reality of how badly something needed to change.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

The dread paralyzed Rhys, so it was best he was already on the floor. His entire body tensed up, including his chest, which made it difficult to breathe. At the same time, his body wanted to curl up further, but Rhys resisted. This was how he felt with some whiskey or whatever he had on hand to numb the pain. The fact that it hardly helped anymore never deterred Rhys from trying his best to drown the thoughts from his head or find a way to exist in peace for five minutes. Still, the greatest pain—the threat of never seeing Amelia again left him in a hopeless place.

The nightmares had gotten worse, more vivid, and cruel despite the same sequence happening on a loop, like Fenrir was laughing at Rhys and mocking him over his fatherhood struggles. Somewhere, he heard Sienna’s voice and finally registered that she was on the floor next to him. And his hands were occupied with a mug. Watching the steam rise from the cup, Rhys tried to process the words. Changes. Is that all everybody wanted from him? All his hard work up until now to prove the naysayers wrong felt wasted. People still wanted him to change.

Finally, he carefully brought the mug to his mouth. Even sitting down, he felt a bit wobbly but aware. In a sense, he did feel numb, hardly registering the temperature of the liquid but knowing he had to drink it slowly. ”I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” He mumbled. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Rhys knew she was right. He knew everybody was right. He didn’t want them to be. Not that he had any good idea why whiskey crept into his life so dependently, or self-destruction felt like a hobby.

Somehow, he’d gotten to the halfway point of his cup. ”I…I don’t know if I’m helping or hurting remaining in her life.” Rhys admitted after pushing through the remnants of his drunken state. It was odd to verbalize the random thoughts that popped into his mind. But he’d given up that right and control the moment he let alcohol enter his system.

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[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Silence settled around them while they both sipped at their mugs, and Sienna felt as lost in her own thoughts as Rhys seemed in his. Whatever he was thinking about, it looked like a horror movie. The expression was frozen on his face as he processed whatever thoughts were running through his head, and Si frowned into her mug as she watched. She knew the dangers of overthinking. It’d happened often enough when she’d first gotten to Beauxbatons and felt different from most of her classmates. And it’d happened even more once she’d started to realize she had forbidden feelings for a guy who was definitely off-limits. She’d even let it fuel her desire to run away for a while and put some distance between herself and all those troublesome, conflicting thoughts. But in the end, they always seemed to catch up with her. Confronting those problems had only become an option once Sienna had realized that there was no way to outrun a demon that lived in your head.

“You don’t need to know everything right now,” Sienna answered, chewing her lip as she debated with herself how to continue. The fact of the matter was…she didn’t really know how to fix this either. She brought a hand up to Rhys’s shoulder, then rubbed his back comfortingly for a moment. It’d taken him months to dig this grave for himself, so in a sense it would need to take months to fix the damage too. But how did you even go about offering advice when everything seemed to be falling apart all at once? How much right did she really have to direct him towards certain directions, or interfere when he seemed to keep pushing her away? The thoughts circled around in her head as she allowed herself another sip of the cooling coffee.

When Rhys finally said it out-loud, the sentence hung in the air uncomfortably between them. “It really depends on who will be in her life,” Si finally said, unwilling to immediately move to comfort him without addressing any uncomfortable truths. She wanted to be able to do both, but one had to come before the other. “Her loving father who’d do anything for her? A cursebreaker who has his shit together and sometimes drops by? Or…a drunk who can’t stop himself from getting into fights? However you want her to see you…that’s who you have to become. Live it, not just seem like it.” Sienna knew the answer she would’ve wanted to hear, but she stopped herself from saying anything more. Because at the end of the day, Rhys had been walking a certain road for so long that he could be the only one to decide to step off it. And ultimately…Si knew she’d decide to stay and support him, even if that meant he’d take a step back from the responsibilities he’d been building for himself over the last few years. She’d never been good at letting things go.

rhys alexander greyback

[rhys alexander greyback]

It's hard enough
being alone with myself

I don't know how long
I'll be holding on

February 17, 2029
Sienna Aurélie Linslee

Her hand on his back reminded Rhys of where he was at the moment. Even as his thoughts wandered, they could only go so far. That had always been a struggle—grounding himself before getting lost in the spiral until he felt adrift. As a Cursebreaker, it felt a little unnatural not to have a plan for something so important, but nothing in the books he’d studied or the things he had learned while working would help him here. And it wasn’t like anyone could help him. Not even as he went through all the options and facts in circles with Sarah, who was perhaps the only person who could understand, did any path appear clear.

And then there came the point where Rhys couldn’t take it anymore. The therapist hadn’t helped, not even after a repeat visit. Wasn’t she supposed to help things become clear? So, then, he could fight for his daughter back? The only thing that had helped Rhys feel any relief was drinking. But Rhys hardly knew which way was up anymore, and Sienna’s words felt like a kick in the gut. Clenching his jaw, Rhys struggled to fight the emotions he’d bottled up for so long. It was a terrible feeling. It was like his stomach was being wrung tightly, and all his senses were activated all at once. And ever since Rhys had discovered this curse with objects and memories, his anxiety had only grown worse as his senses were assaulted.

He felt like a failure. He had completely failed on a promise not only to himself but also to Amelia to be the parent he never had so she wouldn’t have to struggle as much as Rhys had. But when had Rhys ever felt like he’d lived up to expectations? On the outside sat this miserable, hopeless, sad sack of a man who stood intimidatingly tall with a stoic demeanor. But trying to continuously numb the pain that grew as he grew older was failing. Rhys sighed heavily, forcing himself to drink more of the coffee. His mind raced through the disassociation until Sage’s face popped back up, though a small wave of anger washed over him this time. ”Sage has always been out to get me…” He muttered. They’d never been friends. Their interactions were only because of Saffron and then later on purely physical or some drunken tryst. But now she had all the leverage in the world against Rhys, and he’d never win. ”I know she’s always blamed me for Saffron.” While never said aloud, Rhys always felt the words. Whether that was his own guilt speaking rather than something Sage implied, well it was all the same to Rhys.

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