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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 22, 2017 17:04:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2017 17:04:16 GMT -7
@lestrange Phil missed Andy. He wanted to hold her hand, to kiss her cheek. True, they sat next to each other in class, and and meals, but that was about it. He wanted to spend time with her. But their last episode of "hanging out" lurked in the back of his mind. They had both been furious, and honestly Phil was in the wrong. He should just tell Andy. But that would mean he was weak, that he couldn't handle problems by himself. He had to be strong, for both of them. Andy needed him to be strong. So, stoically stupid, Phil kept his nightmares to himself. Herbology ended. Andy left. Phil nearly let her leave, following behind. Something inside him urged him to walk faster, to catch up with her. It only took a few steps. Under normal circumstances he would have taken her hand. He didn't. "Andy. How did you enjoy class?" He asked lamely. Awkwardly trying to start a conversation with his best friend and girlfriend.
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 22, 2017 17:12:11 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2017 17:12:11 GMT -7
Andy heard his steps catching up a little and she slowed her walking. Her hand slightly leaned back, so he could take it if he wanted to... but he didn't. He said her name, just Andy this time thank heavens, but she didn't turn around just yet. He asked how she enjoyed class and she shrugged a little, "it was fine. How did you... enjoy it," she asked, slowly turning around but not looking directly at him. She realized this was the first time in the past week that they had actually been alone together. Not even anyone passing by. Just Phil and Andy alone in the greenhouse.
She felt her heart ache at that thought. The greenhouses had always been special to them and now... she could feel that they were about to taint it. She couldn't handle that. "Let's go outside," she said softly.
@philiplongbottom
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 6:03:37 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 6:03:37 GMT -7
@lestrange Andy didn't look at him. Not directly, at least. He felt something crack inside him. He was pushing her away. When she suggested that they go outside, he immediately agreed, what ever she wanted. As she exited the greenhouse in front of him a flash of demon Andy from his dreams superimposed over her, causing his heart rate to jump drastically. But he was safe. He was awake. He tried to push it from his mind. Once on the lawn outside, Phil was able to see Andy's face. Her beautiful face. He reached forward, brushing her hand with his, inviting her to take it. He wasn't sure she would even want to. "Andy, I miss you." he said softly. His mind was foggy, as usual recently. But he knew that he and Andy weren't supposed to be fighting. They shouldn't be fighting, especially not with graduation so close! They were almost free, almost on their own, ready to start a life. Maybe even a life together. But a part of him seemed determined to mess that up. True it was the severely sleep deprived part, though he wasn't sure there was even a small piece of his mind that was working at full capacity.
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 6:21:28 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 6:21:28 GMT -7
Once they were out Andy could breath a little easier. She felt his hand brush hers and immediately took it. Gently, though. Phil said those words and she bit on her bottom lip, her eyes welling up a little. She just nodded first, not saying anyhing for a few seconds... "why does everything have to be so hard," she sort of asked, her tone flat. Phil had a point, of course. They had barely really spent time together... That was hard enough without their being so much weird tension between them. And not the good kind. Not even a little.
"We've just been... Busy," she added, which was partly true. The rest of the truth was worse than that, though. That they were both acting scared of the other.
@philiplongbottom
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 6:38:30 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 6:38:30 GMT -7
@lestrange Phil felt the tension rush from his shoulders as Andy took his hand. Something was normal. One piece of normal. He needed Andy. He needed her strength and her kindness. Especially now, when he was struggling with both of those. Unfortunately, he was making illogical connects and his rationalizations were anything but rational. Andy brought up an excellent point. Right now, everything was hard. Harder than it had been for a while. Possibly harder than January. At least Andy had told him what was going on. She had been honest, trusted him, and had been ready to accept whatever reaction he gave her. A lump of guilt curled up in his stomach. "Busy." He let out a dissatisfied chuckle. There was no humor in it. No smile in his eyes. Now that he thought of it, he didn't know if he had smiled at all that day. "Yeah, I'm sure that's it." The thick sarcasm in his voice was meant for himself, but how was Andy supposed to know that? He had been avoiding her so he wouldn't snap at her, which seemed to be the only kind of communication he was capable of around her recently.
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 6:45:27 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 6:45:27 GMT -7
He repeated the word, busy, but there seemed to see be a sort of coldness to it. His chuckle was dark, and slightly scary to Andy. She had never heard him make a sound like that. But people had bad days, right? She of all people should understand that, should be able to accept him for his bad days... She just wasn't sure if she was emotionally equipped to handle it right now. Not when she was under so much strain as well.
His next few words, full of sarcasm, caused her to flinch. "Okay and maybe the fact that you've been entirely unapproachable for weeks now.," she countered, her tone more exausted than angry. She was tired of this, but Andy was not skilled yet at backing down from a fight.
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 6:55:38 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 6:55:38 GMT -7
@lestrange Why did everything he say come out wrong? Phil couldn't seem to say what he meant, how he meant it. He just wanted to sit down on the grass, hold Andy's hand and not think about anything, or possibly sleep for a very long time. Maybe he should just tell her... no. She had enough to worry about without his problems as well. He could handle this. He just needed some sleep. "Entirely... " He brought his hand to his head, slipping it out of hers, as he tried to think. "I'm just..." He shook his head, just say it! "I'm just trying to figure stuff out. Can't you -- can't you just see that? I did with you." He never opened his eyes, getting out that sentence was difficult, thinking was difficult. When he did open his eyes Andy was right in front of him. Right where she had been. But his sleep-deprived brain saw the Andy of his nightmares. His eyes went wide and he fell backward, scrambling away from her. A blink and she was back to normal. He started shaking his head, trying to figure out how to explain that. Trying to get away from her. "I just have to figure it out." He said, emphasizing the "I". He needed to do this. He could do it on his own. He didn't need her help, he didn't want it. Ignoring the fact that he had just fallen, tripping over himself, he turned away to leave.
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 7:17:43 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 7:17:43 GMT -7
He took his hand back and her skin felt instantly ice cold, as did her blood. But as she watched she started to realize what was really happening. Or at least, what she thought was happening. He was scared of her for what she had done last semester. He was scared that she would hurt him.
And that, she realized, was her worst fear. That Phil would be afraid of her.
She barely heard the next jumble of words he gave as her hand covered her mouth. Then he was looking at her and stumbling back, and her worst fears were confirmed. She made a choking sound under her hand and shook her head, how could she possibly get out of this? How could she possibly convince him when she was this cold thing all the time... A part of knew that wasn't true. She had been much better. But that part was deeply, deeply buried.
Then he was standing, saying that he had to figure it out. He. "Fine!" she found her mouth saying, her hand lowering away from it. "Just run away like a coward. Just like I did when our parents told us to be careful. Just like I did when you went to Brazil. Just like i did when my father was ready to hit me. Just like I did when I realized I loved you," her voice cracked, "Just like I'm doing right now," she turned on her heel and walked away, not looking back at him.
@philiplongbottom (You can either start the fighting about fighting one or skip to graduation if you don't think it's necessary... This fight got more intense than we planned hahaha)
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 13:10:02 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 13:10:02 GMT -7
@lestrange Was he a coward? Was he running away? Was she right? Yes. -- Graduation Day-- The sun was bright and shining overhead, the sky blue with puffy clouds scattered throughout. The weather was perfect. This day should be perfect. Graduation. Graduating from Hogwarts into the real world. It was time to start their lives, to live their dreams. This day was the beginning. So why did it feel like an end? Phil sat miserably in his seat next to Andy. He had already worked out what he was going to say to her. He knew it was going to be hard. But it was for the best. If their last few interactions had been any judge, what he was about to do was best for both of them. Luckily exams had been canceled. True, the reason they were canceled was tragic, heart-wrenching. But Phil was thankful for it all the same. He didn't need that stress right now. And here he was. Two weeks before he thought he would have to do this. "Andy?" He whispered, not wanting to attract attention. The less attention the better. He half wished Andy would ignore him, then he wouldn't have to go through with this.
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 13:51:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 13:51:16 GMT -7
For most of Andy's life she wasn't looking forward to graduating Hogwarts but now it couldn't come sooner. She looked forward to a summer training with a job, time spent with Susan and Cecilia and even Bay and Zander who were coming back. And, if she was being honest with herself, space from Phil. She knew they were bad at communicating with one another, and the more she thought about it the more she realized that they always had been. Telling each other their true feelings was not their strong suit and they weren't getting any better at it. In fact, they were just getting much, much worse.
When the explosions happened Andy was mortified and didn't turn to anyone. She didn't know that many foreign students very well, but that didn't mean it wasn't a horrible tragedy. That didn't mean people didn't die. It only reinforced her decision to join the hit Wizard program instead of being a healer after graduation. She still hadn't told Phil yet, unsure how he was going to take it. She hadn't told Phil much of anything. A prime example of miscommunication.
So here they were sitting by each other as the commencement began. She wasn't expecting him to say anything. Why would he when they were there to graduate? But she heard him whisper her name and she leaned over a little but did not turn her head, "yes?"
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 14:07:21 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 14:07:21 GMT -7
@lestrange Phil fidgeted with his robes, keeping his eyes trained forward. Not really looking at anything, just sort of staring. Not making eye contact with Andy mostly. It would be hard enough without seeing her eyes. "I've... I've been thinking." He whispered. It had been difficult to come to the conclusion, but in the end it seemed like the best choice for both of them. At least from his perspective. " I think maybe we should --" he paused again. He just had to say it. "Maybe we should spend some time apart." Normally he would stammer on, explaining himself, trying to make himself feel better. Not today. He needed time away from her to get his wits about him. He couldn't keep hurting her. Once he figured out what was causing his dreams maybe. Until then, this was the best option. Imagining how the summer would go had been an enjoyable experience. A few months ago he had been looking forward to it, imagining it going something like last summer, which had been a highlight for him. Now it was shaping up to be one of the worst summers of his life. Dad in a coma, Mom freaking out, Alice living away from home, Jaden preparing for his 7th year. Andy. No Andy this summer. Maybe ever. No. It was just for a while, while he figured it out. At least there was Nat. She knew about his dreams. She was the only one. But that was only because she had walked in on it. He wouldn't have willingly told anyone. He was stronger than that. Right?
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 14:16:01 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 14:16:01 GMT -7
He started do you speak and a part of her wanted to tell him to just spit it out. But, she was patient. She already guessed what he was getting at, just from the sound of his voice when he said her name. She waited, eyes forward. And then there it was. The word that, somehow made her breathe one hundred times easier. A part of her knew that he was right, and that was the larger part. Still, that didn't mean she was happy about it.
"I agree," she said softly. Somehow her hand moved toward him, which she didn't expect, and she placed it on his knee. She clasped it, giving a tight squeeze. "Just come back. So we can... Pick up the pieces together," she was surprised at how calm she actually was. This was a good thing. They needed to process all the horrible events of... Well, the past two years. They relied too much on each other without actually being honest with one another. Without really sharing their feelings.
This was good.
@philiplongbottom (Do you... Wanna wrap it up? Dx )
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last online May 7, 2024 19:57:21 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 14:21:06 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 14:21:06 GMT -7
@lestrange It wasn't that Phil wanted to be away from Andy, it was just... he needed to figure out how to be with her. And he couldn't do that when he was tearing himself apart. She put her hand on his knee. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Actually, he felt relieved. She agreed with him. And she didn't want to leave him forever. That was good. "Yeah. Together." he said softly. He would figure this out. And then he would tell Andy. He put his hand on top of her and squeezed. "Together." he said to himself. -end-
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