Counting Down The Days (Cecelia)

[Deleted]

May 1st, 2024

Cecelia,

I hope things are going well, Cece. I'm sorry I haven't written in a bit, I got really busy trying to brush up on my animagus skills again... short story is, I suck, but I'll get better. Bristol is much smarter than me when it comes to this stuff, so she's been helping me out. I don't know what I did to deserve anyone as amazing as her but... well, you've heard all that before.

How are things going with the last month of school? That tournament sounded insane, I'm sorry I missed it. I'm sure that you would have been wonderful at all of that. I heard the winner was someone in your house, though, so Go Hogwarts! That's pretty cool. 

One of my good friends, Brandon Fisher, came with the Durmstrang kids. Do you know him? He used to go to Howarts... yeah, you would have been there with him for a bit. He was only gone for a little while. 

I bet it was strange seeing all of the people you knew from France... did you have any friends around? I know Braelynn once told me, a long time ago, that you had a cousin at Beauxbatons. But I wasn't sure if you had any friends that came to the tournament.

I'm trying to send a lot of love your way, I hope it's reaching you. Did you see my album came out last month? I know they've been playing some of it on the radio. There was a song for you on there.

I hope to see you soon... you might be seeing me soon, actually. More on that later.

-
Zander

(@cecelia , Bristol is Bae's codename )

[Deleted]

dear zander,

Thanks for writing, Zander. It’s not entirely your fault – I could have written, too. Being an Animagus is a difficult think, Zander, and there’s no need to feel sorry for wanting to practice. I’m glad that Bristol has been such a boon to you. I miss you both terribly.

Things have been alright. We had a Quidditch scrimmage in early April, and I fell off my broom (Bludger collisions are really no fun) so I spent some time in the hospital wing, but otherwise, things are fairly quiet. Everyone’s too busy studying to stir the pot, I think. Personally, I’m glad for a little peace and quiet. The Tournament was alright, I guess. I haven’t really had the energy to devote to paying attention to it, between my studies and prefect duties and… other things.

I haven’t spent much of my time with the foreign kids, especially not the Durmstrang ones. I’ve been trying to focus instead on my relationships within Hogwarts. I’ve spent far too long in this school without actually fostering any relationships with the people I live with, which is a shame.

I wouldn’t say I have many friends, no. One of the girls from Beauxbatons, Chantal, and I reconnected at the beginning of the school year, but after Desirae’s death we drifted apart. Émile Chevalier, the Beauxbatons Champion, and I used to know each other. When we were very young there were considerations of us becoming betrothed, but obviously that didn’t happen.

Thank you for the love, Zander. It’s been a long year, since Braelynn died. Can you believe it’s been a year already? I was a little worried, about what would happen on April Fool’s Day. I was… surprisingly composed. But Zander… do you remember Ethan Johnson? He… he came back. He’s a ghost now. I just thought you might want to know.

I’m intrigued. I hope you’re well, Zander.

yours,
cecelia

@zander

[Deleted]

Dear Cecelia,

I would have just given up if it wasn't for her, honestly. I would have given up on a lot of things in all honesty. Did, for a while. I'm sure you understand the feeling.

Bludgers! Ouch! I'm glad you're doing okay, that is really unfortunate. I wish I could have seen you play, though. Maybe we should muck around on our brooms a bit the next time I see you. I'm glad the peace and quiet is nice. I've gad a decent amount over here, save from my little cousins who have very impressive lung capacity. I didn't read much about the tournament, to be honest. And with all your duties and 'other stuff (?) I'm sure you've been busy.

That's great that you've been focusing on Hogwarts! I mean, it would be a shame if you left without many connections. How does Andy look to you? She sends us updates on you every once in a while, haha! Not in a stalkerish way... As far as I can tell from here.

Yeah, a whole year. It feels... Like a nightmare, really, when I think back on it. April Fools day was weird here. Hard to explain but... Definitely weird. Ethan!? He'd make an adorably encouraging ghost. That must have freaked everyone out, poor guy.

The truth is I've been thinking about moving back. I'm going to talk to Bristol about it soon... I think she'll agree. We miss you.

Love,
Zander

@cecelia

[Deleted]

dear zander,

Yeah, I do. I think there are some things I still haven’t quite stopped giving up on. Like having a normal life. I know that’s somewhat depressing, but after the year I’ve had – we’ve both had – I’m not sure that normal will ever be a part of my vocabulary.

I’m right as rain. I had enough company in the hospital wing that I didn’t get too bored or lonely. You really didn’t miss much by not getting to see me play – there’s a reason I’m not going professional (beyond, of course, the fact that my mother would have a conniption if I did). It would be nice to be able to play with someone new, though. As for the Tournament… I don’t know. It didn’t feel as big as it should have, and part of that was probably the fact that it really only involves three people. Maybe for the people whose school allegiances aren’t quite as muddled as mine it’s easier, because they have someone they can whole-heartedly support.

My ‘other stuff’ mostly include meetings. Of that thing that you told me about? I’m sure you know why I can’t say any more.

Andy is… interesting. I think it’s difficult because we come from similar places in life, but she’s had a lot more support in getting out of her situation. I mean, with her sister, and her adopted family and all of that. Not to say that it wasn’t hard for her, but… sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I had something or someone to help me leave my life behind. And I wonder how many other people could be saved like the two of us, if they had gotten help. There are people who we only try to help too late, you know?

I’m sorry for being so melancholy. I haven’t actually talked to Ethan myself, but there’s enough talk going around for me to be sure that it’s him.

I don’t want to tell you to act one way or another, because I have my own perfectly selfish reasons for wanting you to return. Whatever you do, I just want you and Bristol to be safe.

yours,
cecelia

@zander

[Deleted]

Dear @cecelia.

Normal may not be achievable but happy is. I hope that you can find that. I hope that everyone can, really. I'm glad that you're alright after the bludger hit. I've taken some bad ones but never enough to get in the Hospital Wing. How... is your mother? I haven't talked to her. of course. I'm not sure she even knows I existed which is probably for the best. It think the tournament would be good for people getting to know each other, right? Though, I'm not sure if a lot of that went on. I wasn't there. Did you make any friends from Durmstrang or anything?

Well, meetings are good.

I guess Andy just has a lot of hands on and familial support. I'm not sure if I believe in 'too late', though. Anyone can be helped and I believe anyone can be saved. Bristol says that's 'sweet' of me to feel that way but... I do. I think it's always worth trying. There isn't anything wrong with being melancholy, either, as long as it doesn't make you really depressed for long. As for Ethan, he was a good guy so I'm sure he has a lot of people supporting him.

We're coming back, Ce. Before the month is out. What are your summer plans? When can we see you? Where are you staying?

Love,

Zander

[Deleted]

dear zander,

Happy is achievable, and I think I’m on my way there. My mother? She’s… alright, I guess. To be frank I haven’t spoken with either of them in a very long time. I’m not exactly the child they put their faith in, in any sense of the word. I think they resent that of the three of us, I’m the one that’s left. Or maybe I resent that I’m the one that’s left. I don’t know. I didn’t make any friends from Durmstrang, no. The students there seemed too tangled up in their own messes to want much to do with us Hogwarts students.

If Braelynn hadn’t died, I think it would have been too late for me, Zander. I had so much hatred and so much love all at once – just for the wrong people – and if that had been allowed to keep growing the way it had, it’d be too late. And it terrified me – and still does terrify me – that I needed to go through that to realize the difference between right and wrong. I guess I’m just not like Andy or Ethan. My support group isn’t broad, but it’s deep. I only talk to a few people, but I would trust most of them with my life.

Right now, I just plan to go straight to work. I’m working exclusively at nighttime – I’m becoming an astronomer, have I mentioned that? – so my days are pretty free. My parents purchased an apartment for me to stay in, so I didn’t have to go back to France. I’ve attached the address with this letter. You and Bristol are both welcome to stay with me until other plans are sorted out (or even permanently, though I doubt you’ll want that). I did also invite someone else to stay with me occasionally, so we might be a bit cramped at some points. I’m glad you’re coming back, Zander.

yours,
cecelia

@zander

[Deleted]

Dear @cecelia,

I hope you know that I don't resent you, and I hope you can learn not to as well if that's the case. I never resented you, even back when she first died. And I know our relationship comes from strange circumstances but I hope you know that it is important to me. I'm glad that you have a support group that is what you need, even if it's different than other peoples. We all need different things.

I don't think you've mentioned the astronomer route, it sounds awesome! Thank you for the address! We won't need to stay there, since we do have my Uncle Carsons place in London, but we wouldn't mind staying the night. As for staying with someone else, that's hard for Bristol to do. But, I'm curios as to who it is.

I'll have to find out in person - this may be the last letter from Brazil! We'll see you soon!

Love,

Zander

[Deleted]

dear zander,

Learning how to forgive myself is definitely something I’m trying to do. It’s hard, though. I think that having Bristol around will be helpful, though. You know why. But I am glad to hear that you don’t resent me. Even if I know something like that in my head, it feels good to have it written down. I suppose you’re right about everyone needing different things. It’s nice to know my way isn’t the wrong way, just a different one.

I’m glad that you have a place, but I hope you know the door is always open. We could have… parties or something? Never mind that, I am definitely not the partying sort. I like balls, but not the kind of parties that you could throw in an apartment. I’ll tell you about who it is later. You’re bound to meet them sometime anyways.

I know you probably won’t get this letter in time, but safe travels. I’m so happy you’re coming home!

yours,
cecelia

@zander
(le end~)