if i stay [lucy]

[Deleted]

april 27, 2025

Oscar was going to stay in England. It wasn't a decision he had made lightly, but at this point, it felt impossible to leave. France was his past, and England? It felt a lot like his future. He had met with Anna to tell her his decision, but there was someone else who needed to know, too - Lucy. Not just because they were apparently friends, but because he was staying for Anna - which meant he needed to know more about her. He couldn't trust his fragmented memories would become whole again, and if he was going to stay, he wasn't going to disappoint Anna. He was probably already disappointing her, of course, because he wasn't who she remembered, but maybe now, he could disappoint her less. Maybe now, he could be better.

Find Lucy's address had been almost embarrassingly easy, and now Oscar was outside her door. He hoped Anna hadn't already told her, otherwise this whole scene would be a bit awkward. It would be even worse if Anna was there with her - then he'd have to make an excuse that didn't involve him begging for information from her sister. Oscar cleared his throat, and knocked once, hoping for the best.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Lucy was home alone for the first time in what felt like forever. Anna had been spending more time at work and more time back at her own house since Oscar has returned from the dead and Lucy was glad for that for several reasons, most of them entirely selfish. She had a studio apartment for a reason. She didn’t mind expanding when Anna needed her, but she definitely preferred her smaller space and was anxious to eventually get it back. Right now it was still the same two bedroom it had been when Oscar and Anna lived here.

She was eating a bowl of rice when someone knocked on her door, she walked over and opened it. Her bowl still in her hand. She raised her eyebrows at the man in her doorway. “Hi. I uh, I wasn’t expecting you…” she admitted but she stepped aside so that he could come in anyway.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Luckily, the door was opened in short order. Lucy seemed surprised to see him, which was confirmed by her next words. Oscar shrugged a bit sheepishly. “I am sorry. I should have notified you, but I did not think an owl was fast enough, and…” And he didn’t have any excuse beyond that – just that he had wanted to do this as quickly as possible, so he could tell Lucy before Anna did.

“I am going to be moving to England. Again, I suppose,” he announced. Oscar swallowed hard. “I want to do what is best for Anna. But I still… need more.” He met Lucy’s eyes, hoping the gravity of the situation was correctly displayed in the set of his jaw and the furrow of his eyebrows. “You know about me. About us.” He knew she knew, because she had told him so, when they met at the pub. He didn’t make his request, not yet – Oscar was hoping Lucy would make the offer herself, if only for Anna’s sake.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Oscar announces right away that he was moving to England and hen Lucy was pretty sure that she knew why he was here right now. He had decided to stay and she had basically said that if he stayed she would help him with Anna. Why had she been so generous? She took another bite of her rice while she listened to him and didn’t set the bowl down as she spoke. She just rolled her eyes and nodded. “I’ll help you. Like I could say no.” she mumbled the last bit with a sigh. “well come in then.” she added, wanting to shut the door.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Lucy rolled her eyes at him, and normally Oscar wouldn’t think that was a good sign – but he was beginning to understand that Lucy wasn’t exactly that he would call normal. She told him to come in, and Oscar shuffled inside. Lucy had a way of making him feel kind of dumb, probably because she was so confident in everything she did and he was… not. “I do not know where to start,” Oscar said when he was safely inside Lucy’s home. “Most of my journal was about work,” which he suspected she already knew, “and the things are just… things.” There were some photos of him and Anna that at least corroborated the story the Weasley twins had told him, but it was still strange and felt a little like looking at a stranger.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Lucy wasn’t trying to be rude to Oscar. She liked the guy enough. But she hated helping people. It was just in her nature. However, Anna was the exception. She’d jump through a ring of Fire for Anna. She’d carry her across France home. She had literally done that last Christmas. “okay, well Anna has some photo albums in her room.” she finally set down her food and went into her sisters room. She didn’t usually do that sort of thing, but this called for it. She brought out the wedding album, thinking that this would be full of pictures of them and the people they loved. She set it down in front of her brother in law. “let’s start here.”

[Deleted]

Lucy went to get a photo album from Anna’s room, and Oscar shifted uncomfortably. It felt like an invasion of privacy, almost. Like he was lying to Anna. But was it really that bad if he was only doing this for her – to make her happy? When Lucy returned and set the album down in front of him, Oscar studied it intently, memorizing the date on the cover. He and Anna had been married in August – he needed to remember their anniversary. “I know we got married on a beach,” he said promptly. “At sunrise.” It was one of the things he had managed to grab onto mentally when he and Anna had first met at the flower festival. He opened the cover, and the first picture was of him and Anna in their wedding clothes. Oscar suddenly felt choked. Anna was… beautiful. Radiant, even. Like the sun, and he was blinded by her. The version of him in the photograph seemed to agree, even if he was smiling a smile Oscar didn’t recognize. He didn’t turn the page again – just stared.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Oscar said that he knew what they got married at the beach at sunrise and Lucy nodded. It had been way too early to wake up in her opinion, but she had done it for Ana. “I figured this way you’d be able to see the family pictures.” she explained. “like this, these are our parents.” she tried not to grimace when she said the words. She hated seeing them. She hated them. They were overprotective and controlling. Lucy never got along with them. Anna was better at that than she was.

@oscar

[Deleted]

The next pictures were family pictures, like Lucy said. The man was tall and ginger and might have been balding slightly. At least now Oscar knew where both Anna and Lucy had gotten their red hair from – though Anna’s was a special kind of red, the kind he had dreamed about. Which he wasn’t going to get fixated on again, because he had already spent probably too much time thinking about Anna’s hair. “What are their names? Do they like me? Do they like Anna?” He asked, the questions spilling out before he could even think to hold them back. He obviously didn’t remember meeting Anna’s family – except for Harper, who he had met the day previous – so he was curious as to what they thought of him.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Oscar asked questions about their parents and Lucy didn’t really know how to answer. “Percy and Audrey. Uhh, yeah they like you. They like Anna too… they don’t much like that we’ve sort of left them. They’re… controlling. After we graduated last year I got this flat and took Anna with me. They haven’t talked to us too much since then.” she explained. She didn’t feel bad about it at all. Anna needed to be taken out of that world. She needed to be able to be on her own and be her own person. And while their parents meant well, they had higher expectations for their girls than were possible for them to reach.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Lucy told him her parents’ names, and Oscar committed them to memory. He had no doubt they were aware of the situation at present, but it still would be nice, if he ever met them again, not to have to rely on his amnesia to get him through the conversation unscathed. Lucy explained that her parents weren’t pleased she and Anna had stuck out on their own, and Oscar furrowed his brow. He hoped they didn’t think he had stolen their daughter from them, even if what Lucy said was true and they did like him. “I am sorry. That must be difficult.” He didn’t have parents anymore, but he could only imagine it would be painful for the relationship to end by their choice, and not by their death. He flipped to the next page in the scrapbook, pointing to another family picture. “Harper,” he said, proud of himself for being able to identify her.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Looking through wedding pictures was incredibly boring to Lucy. She didn’t mind the actual wedding, but she had no desire to look through and see the faces of all of her family. She couldn’t stand most of them. All of them except Anna actually. Not that any of them would ever know that. Except maybe the ones in the purifiers with her. They had some idea. She almost dislikes those more than the others. Lucy nodded with Oscar pointed out Harper, wondering how he remembered their cousin but not his own wife. She didn’t bother to ask though. “yeah, it was a great day for Anna. It was everything that she wanted it to be. It meant a lot to her.” even if it was cheesy. It was Anna’s day.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Oscar felt something oddly like relief when Lucy said her wedding day had been a great day for Anna. Their wedding day, he corrected himself silently. Even if he didn’t remember it, he had been there, too. And he was more than a little proud of himself for making it a day Anna enjoyed, even if he didn’t remember any of the work that had gone into it. It seemed like he had been a good husband, for however short of a time he had been one. “Do you think…” he suddenly didn’t have the question anymore. He was terrified of the answer, he realized. Lucy wouldn’t lie to him, even to spare his feelings. Oscar cleared his throat, and tried again. “Do you think I can be everything she wants? Again?” He had already made the decision, yes, but he wanted… affirmation. Reassurance. Something other than his own wondering thoughts and complicated feelings.

@lucyweasley

[Deleted]

Oscar asked if Lucy thought that he could be everything that Anna wanted again and Lucy shrugged. Honestly she didn’t know. She only kind of knew this new version of Oscar. She didn’t know what he was capable of or what he felt like he could accomplish. “I think if you can’t you need to be honest with her before she gets too attached to you being home.” Lucy replied bluntly. Anna was just about the only person in the world she cared about, and she didn’t want her getting hurt again. She knew that it was Oscar’s fault and she wasn’t mad at him. But she did want to make it clear that there wasn’t a lot of room for trial and error here. “But if you want to try, you’ve got the tools to make a good start.” he had the memories in the albums, and the stories he’d heard. And he had Lucy, which made her want to vomit.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Oscar nodded tersely when Lucy said he needed to be honest with Anna if he couldn’t be everything she needed. The problem with not remembering anything was he didn’t know if he could be everything Anna needed. He knew he liked being around her, and the attention she gave him, but the question was not if Anna was good for him – the question was if he was good for her, and not just good because he had once been her husband. “I do want to try,” he said firmly. “But…” But I’ve never been enough for someone before he wanted to say. He had chased and chased and chased, and never quite found what he sought. Oscar cleared his throat. “If you think I am in a good position, I will trust you.” Trust had also never been his forte, so Oscar was learning a lot on the fly. “What else do you think I need?” he asked, deferring to Lucy’s judgment of her sister and her situation.

@lucyweasley