Past Regrets, and Present Guilt [Luthien]

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Cameron wasn't sure what to feel as he walked through the many streets of London, without his dog this time. He had needed some time alone to himself. And wandering around the city seemed like the best way to do this. He tried to make conversation with passerbys, but they only gave him a confused looked and walked away. The stress was starting to get to him. What stress would that be exactly, you may ask. It was the stress of being an Auror. Not the job, but the obligation. He felt immense guilt about what happened in Azkaban, and the breakout that had a occured, and he wasn't there to stop it. 

The Auror kept telling himself that he could have done something. That maybe he could have stopped any of these horrible things from happening. But his more rational side tried to reassure him that he didn't know at the time, and that he couldn't have done a single thing. But Cameron still kept telling himself he could have done something. He felt responsible. But he didn't want that to weigh him down. When Cameron finally pulled himself out of his thoughts, he found he was in a strange part of London. 

The lights were dimmer and less vibrant, and it seemed pretty shady, both in lighting wise and feel. Cameron was sort of naive, and didn't take into account that some pretty crazy people lived around here. He saw some normal Muggles walk about, and he saw a few places open, which wasn't that odd, even if it was late at night. Cameron gave himself a breather, keeping his wand concealed in his pocket. He had learned of an enchantment to hide his wand has best he could from prying eyes. Not that he could do that with wizards or witches, as they to had magic, but maybe it might have worked on Muggles.

Cameron found a very shady looking alley and heard crashing of metal. He, being very hasty in his decisions decided to see what it was, but it looked like he didn't have to, as he saw a cat shoot out from the pitch black dark alley. He breathed a sigh of relief, and turned back to walk away, but didn't take into account the woman who purposefully, or perhaps by accident, crashed into him and made him fall flat on his back. He understood what happened. He hadn't been paying attention and he bumped into her.


words. some
notes. @luthien , also took the liberty of having them crash into each other, but you can choose what to do with that

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(Disguise)

Even if she was running from the law, Lúthien never stopped fullfilling her purpose. Since this mostly consisted of weaving chaos into the world it was relatively easy. She hated boring, patterns, routines. Anything that was overly predictable. She was a daughter of chaos and the more there was, the more at home she felt. Destruction, desperation, anger. The more it caused, the more fun it was. She wasn't above murder by far but usually didn't really do much of it. It was too predictable and it hardly satisfied the need for pain in others that she felt. Grief was not half as interesting as resentment and anxiety. Causing two people very much in love to break up over something silly was far more fun than killing one and giving the other a temporary surge of extreme pain. The idea that 'the one' got away could torment people the rest of their lives. Such things were far more interesting.

Apart from those little details the woman had a very strong sense of sick and twisted justice. She could easily be seen as a feminist as she refused to budge or step out of her own way to keep men happy. They were never worth more than she was and more commonly were so predatory and predictable that they bored the living daylights out of the woman. Her favourite victims were men in high power positions. They deserved hell if you'd ask her and she was more than willing to pay it to them. She considered those her little side projects. They didn't get her paid, they mostly ended up as little playthings to fill her time. So when some guy was snooping around in one of her usual corners she didn't pay him any sort of attention. He looked like he was barely an adult to begin with. He was nothing noteworthy or special, even though he probably considered himself to be so regardless. The arrogance of men knew no bounds.

The cat was wonderful and amusing enough. Lúthien found that cats had a far more distinct and interesting personality than the average male so when the boy spooked the poor cat she instantly knew which side she was on. Then the boy stepped backwards and bumped into her as he hadn't bothered to register his environment previously and clearly was used to people making way for him. Typical. He fell on the floor, which Lúthien found quite the improvement to his position. She would have smiled, except for the fact she rarely showed emotion to begin with. It was a waste of energy and time. She looked at him, her face completely neutral. She looked like a businesswoman so she knew she didn't have to bother playing the kindhearted meek woman that would fuss over a man in a situation like this. She offered him a hand to help him to his feet, although none of that had anything to do with compassion. "It might be wise to pay a little more attention to your surroundings next time, young man." She said, not at all unkindly. "Who knows the details you might miss if you keep running after stray cats. There are dangerous people out here." She looked him up and down. He seemed capable enough to defend himself in a place like this by the way he carried himself. Fighters always had a different air to them than those that would be easy pickings.

She offered him a hand to shake. "Jamie Lillian. You realise that this is rumoured to be the playground of several of the people that escaped Azkaban recently, right?" She raised one eyebrow at him, clearly questioning his common sense for being in a location such as this. Such a young man. Such a shame if he'd end up missing. She knew one of the men that tended to roam here. Not the most pleasant criminal. He'd endlessly gotten on her nerves in prison and it would be somewhat of a delight if he went back there to irritate others. That would simply be luck though. Then again, perhaps the youngling could give her some amusement before she went home to her love. It was worth a try.

@cameronunderwood

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Cameron found himself staring up at a very business looking, woman. She had no speck of emotion on her face, which seemed to unsettle the Auror greatly. He decided that being rude to this new person he barely knew and had bumped into would gain him nothing, nor would it be very nice. Cameron cleared his throat. "Um, yes, of course, sorry, I was..." he trailed off. He knew that you couldn't just go around yelling that you were an Auror and were working on a case. That made you a target and left you exposed. He had no idea that this woman was actually an escaped inmate of Azkaban. Who he had also been trying to find, along with the Purifiers.

"Sorry about bumping into you, ma'am," he apologized politely, abandoning the thought of finishing his previous sentence. He gratefully took the other's hand, standing to his feet and brushing off the dust. Cameron shook her hand. He then learned her name. Jamie Lillian. Hmm, interesting. Of course, he didn't have time to ponder that name as "Jamie" spoke, telling him information that almost made his eyes widen, but he controlled himself and remained neutral. Or at the very least, he tried to. "Is that so?" he asked, now a bit more positive now that his leads had FINALLY led him to something. It might have been a bust, but he'd try anyway.

Cameron had gotten some sort of word that Azkaban criminals had wondered around these areas. And that's actually almost why he was here. To find out more. And that's what he'd do. But he had to play stupid. Not that he wanted to. He was an honest person. But if he gave it away, he'd have failed, without any information at all. But perhaps he'd give Jamie a half-truth. "I, uh, heard about them around here, but didn't really believe it," he told her. He had thankfully stripped any signs that he was an Auror before he came, so he looked pretty normal. Jamie was older than him, but height-wise, she didn't exactly tower over him. Then he remembered something.

"By the way, my name's..." he hesitated. Should he tell her his real name? Or resort to a fake one? He resorted to the former. There was no way Jamie could have heard of him. Or his father. She probably didn't care, just guessing by the way she carried herself. "Cameron Underwood," he told her, though he said it flatly and with not much grandeur. He didn't sound too stuck up or hotheaded.

words. some words
notes. @luthien

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Lúthien wasn't overly interested in the rest of the world as long as she could live the life she desired. Since most people seemed to object to that somewhat it was a problem often enough. Too bad for them. It wasn't going to stop her. Not that this boy seemed too impressive so far. His speech was bumbling and his thoughts were not half gathered enough to impress her in the slightest. She raised an eyebrow as he trailed off and made sure to be more aware of exactly what he was. Enemy or idiot, the line tended to be very blurry. If he was a criminal he wasn't particularly good at it, she figured. He lacked the presence to impress unless he was just a pickpocket. They hardly were worth her time though. Fighter or not, his wit wasn't the sharpest tool in his shed when it came to conversation.

Still, she supposed he was polite enough considering the situation. She knew she tended to be the kind of person people realised had some kind of power or influence. It was in the way she carried herself and didn't accept any kind of mess from people. She was very much her own person and not everybody was used to being around people so fully aware and accepting of who they were. But when she mentioned criminals his eyes got a barely perceptable gleam to them. He was young and no doubt passionate about whatever he did but his pokerface needed work if he wanted to defeat a master such as herself. She could see his pupils dialating, very much interested. It didn't seem to be fear, as that usually caused a different reaction. Thrill seeking then?

Considering the fact he obviously heard rumours he was either a thrill seeker or he was here on business. It was vital that she thread carefully and fully calculated in that case. Both could be a problem if she ended up giving information of any kind that could harm her business or herself. He introduced himself then, pausing between the actual name and the introduction. He considered something before giving his name, that much was obvious. The name he gave wasn't particularly impressive or special so it was either his real name and he was a thrill seeker or either option as an auror. Dishonesty towards a potential witness or source of information wasn't always a good thing. He had no real reason other than instinct (if he had any) or self preservation to lie about it either way.

Then she realised there was a fun game to be played here as she nodded slightly. "Well Cameron, it's best not to seek trouble. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a contact with a particularly nice artifact for the gallery of one of my clients." She let that hang in the air for a moment to state the importance of her work without being too obvious about it. "I would be much less worried if the ministry actually had some capable aurors on the case." She dramatically rolled her eyes, sighing with displeasure. "Sometimes I sincerely wonder how many people have to die before they actually start putting in an effort. One of my clients lost his daughter, you see. Young girl, probably a few years younger than you. Was just heading home when one of the escapees attacked her." She frowned slightly and then gave a slightly apologetic smile. "I don't want to worry or alarm you but you should be more careful." She opened her purse for a moment, looking at a small box lying inside it with a look of pity and regret. "The face when he sold me some of his things was heartbreaking. The pain of losing a child... I suppose he didn't want the memories."

Calculated, of course, she allowed her own pain at losing her own child to slip through for just a moment. People rarely saw others as a threat when the other party knew a grief as deep and meaningful as that. She allowed her tears to come up just enough to display a fight against her own emotions she was very determined to win. She then laid a hand on his shoulder as she slung her bag over her shoulder. "I'd feel better knowing you were safe. Would you mind walking me to a safer area? Unless you'd rather chase the cat first?" She asked, looking at him kindly without a hint of judgement in her face. She could act human enough because she was still human at the center. She knew how regular humans tended to function and if he was an auror the suggestion they didn't do a good enough job would probably hurt him, especially considering the life of somebody younger than him had been lost. That kind of thing always made those justice hammers feel bad. As if they were good enough at their jobs to have been able to prevent it. Evidence clearly suggested otherwise.

@cameronunderwood

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Something about this woman unsettled Cameron greatly. Something about Jamie sent shivers down his spine. And yet, he had no clue what it was. Every fiber in his being told him to run. Something bad was going to happen. But his better nature kicked in. There was no way this woman was dangerous. Perhaps she was just lost. He didn't want to think of anyone as evil people unless they showed they were truly evil. So he tossed the thought of "Jamie" being an evil person aside. There was no chance at all that she could be, right? He liked to see the good in people. But even that was difficult if the person was blatantly evil. Cameron tried to focus on "Jamie" again. He had no idea of her true identity, and if he were to find out... things would certainly turn for the worse for Jamie. Of course, he had no clue about this, so it didn't matter much, anyway. He glanced at the woman.

He wasn't exactly fearful of her. No, he wasn't much afraid of anyone. And if he was, it was because he was truly terrified. But if you were to spook him, he would only give a sigh. And this woman, while giving off the impression of a head-strong person, who didn't take any nonsense, he still only gave a glance. Only a glance. Jamie seemed very cold. He could read people. At least, a little bit. He could tell she wasn't in the mood to talk with him, nor was she really impressed. But what he couldn't tell was that she was much darker underneath. And the skin she was wearing... wasn't even hers. But what he could tell was that Jamie wasn't really believing his "stupid face", or his trying to act stupid. But he still tried to keep up the appearance. Cameron tried to look confused. He, of course, wasn't a thrill seeker (at least, not all the time), nor did he look or sound, or act like a criminal. He just couldn't pull it off.

When Jamie started to nod slightly, another bad feeling washed over him, but he ignored it. Then he was told why exactly Jamie was here. To meet with a client about an artifact. In this shady place? That was suspicious, but Cameron had no time to think about it, as the next words she said made him stiffen slightly. She was saying to him that the Ministry should put out reliable Aurors for the case. "I'm not seeking trouble," he told her, much more clearly than he had before. What case was she talking about? Then, the words Jamie spoke next made him rethink everything for a split second. Guilt hit him hard. She wasn't wrong. He wasn't oblivious to people dying because the Aurors couldn't get there fast enough. Or couldn't figure something out quick enough. That was the worst thing an Auror could experience. The guilt of not saving someone on the job. There was a hot feeling of anger at himself suddenly.

The Azkaban Breakout was something that was always on his mind. The breakouts had killed people and Cameron always felt a little guilty every time he heard someone had been killed. And he kept track of that. Cameron was pulled out of his guilt trance when Jamie spoke again. He had to prevent himself from widening his eyes in shock. A father had lost his kid? To an escapee? He gulped a little but didn't let Jamie notice. He had to keep up his appearance. He felt another wave of guilt. if only he could have stopped the Breakout. But he had no clue about it. And he had no leads on the escapees whatsoever. That seemed to be a pattern with him. And he loathed that pattern. He wanted to strangle that pattern to death.

The girl was only a few years younger than him? This fact made him feel even worse, and even more guilty. Poor girl... poor father! He couldn't imagine what it was like to lose your child, but he knew what it was like to lose your loved ones. He had lost his father. A person he loved dearly. And his heart ached with sympathy. But he had to restrain himself from reacting or saying anything. But he couldn't help himself. "Th-that's awful," he managed, trying to reel back his sorrow. He said this with genuine sorrow. He didn't even know the girl, and yet he felt sad. He had reacted exactly how Jamie wanted him to. He felt guilt, anger, and sadness. And her next words pierced his armor. The heartbreak the father must have been feeling. He noticed the small box in her purse and he stiffened even more. "Are those her things?" he asked, but his question had already been answered. It now seemed impossible to hide the sheer guilt he was feeling.

But he tried to think somewhat positive. "I-I'm sure the Aurors are doing the best they can with the Breakout!" he tried to assure her, but he was really trying to reassure himself. He had been so distracted with the Purifiers, he hadn't even realized that the escapees were a viable threat as well. He felt true guilt. He could have saved that girl. That was merely in his head. If he was in the right mindset, he would have rationalized that he couldn't have known. How could he have known? But that still didn't make the Auror feel any better. Then Cameron realized Jamie had spoken again. She told him he shouldn't be alarmed or worried, but Cameron was both of those things. The small box brought his attention once again. The father must have been grieving. Not wanting memories of the person you lost was sometimes a good thing. But Cameron wasn't sure it always was. He himself had a trinket his father gave him, a few nights before he died. Cameron just couldn't seem to let go. Cameron tried not to imagine the face of the heartbroken father, or of the girl. It would remind him too much of his own face after he learned his father was dead.

For a split second, it sounded as if Jamie was revealing she herself had a child and had lost it, but nothing came out of it. Soon, he started to battle his emotions so he could speak. "You don't need you w-worry about me, madam, I'll be perfectly fine," he tried to give her a smile, but the smile didn't quite hide his sadness and guilt. But he tried to. Jamie asked him if he could escort her somewhere safer. Cameron wasn't against this, because this shady place was giving him the creeps. But, he did want to learn more about the escapees, more now than ever, after he heard her tale of the girl and her father. He tried to give a laugh about chasing the cat instead, but it came out as a weak chuckle. The suggestion that he and the other Aurors were not doing a good enough job hit him hard. However, he tried not to show it. "No, I won't chase the cat, I'll gladly walk you to a safe area, Mrs. Lillian," he said kindly and politely with another smile. Even after that unsettling news, Cameron still had the kindness to be polite. Yes, it was difficult, but he managed it. He was slightly disappointed that he wouldn't be able to investigate the area for any signs of the escapees, but he knew it wasn't the right time.

words. 1,267
notes. @luthien (Oof, she's insulting him and the Aurors. How cruel is that? And Cameron is feeling so much guilt right now. Also, sorry if it is long, I had a lot to say, haha.)

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The other man wasn't such a hard boiled egg, it took a bit of work to show that. Sad little sob story and most men with an egg head like his started blubbering already. It took a while as he processed her story but eventually there was that hint of guilt in his eyes, as if he'd been expected to do something to stop it. Absolutely perfect! He wasn't who he pretended to be and she was extremely good at reading people, even without her skills as legilimens. It had been part of her survival when she was younger, although that was indeed mostly by her own doing. She hadn't set herself up for an easy life, but she only considered easy to be boring so she didn't feel bothered by that situation. The fact he displayed signs of guilt made it quite obvious she needed to watch her footing around him. Even if she was using a fake name and appearance there was always a risk. Polyjuice potion was one thing but she regularly relied on her skills as a metamorphmagus and tried to hide that from everybody, friends and foes alike. Potions wore off, her skills did not.

Still, he was young and not half as experienced as the older aurors she'd encountered in the past. She feared very few things and he seemed like a fun enough subject to play with. His guilt had given too much away already. He asked about the things and she nodded slightly. "Yes. I'm sure they'll find a new hope. With a bit of luck that will give the man some peace, knowing the things that once brought her so much joy will not do that in other places. That they don't up in the trash." She said it with pity but her soul was filled with disgust and disdain that were hidden behind a perfect smile and calm expression. Fools attached themselves to material things and the only thing more foolish was to wish happiness upon random strangers. For all he knew the new owner could be somebody growing up to join the ranks of the purists, but at the very least they'd been happy with a trinket for as far as that was possible. A good home, just like all the pets and orphans that were put in the cares of others in hopes they'd be better off. The lucky few were, but leaving the animal or child behind was a choice people didn't always consider heavily enough. Lúthien was too much like her mother in that sense, holding a strong grudge out of her sense of abandonment, even if the career of her mother would have been destroyed. Lúthien was by nature selfish and didn't care about other people. If she'd seen sorrow, why should others not see it?

Her face went hard as he mentioned the aurors were probably doing their best. She scoffed and felt a cold settle in her entire body, a cold that no warmth could take away. It was full blown hatred, no matter how perfectly she could disguise it. "I understand you want to believe that, no doubt they want you to believe that lie to. If they really are trying their best they are at best incredibly incompetent. I personally don't believe they put their best efforts in. I haven't heard news that a single person got caught and every single day people suffer because they can't catch a group of extremely dangerous criminals. Have you even heard or read what those people are like? They don't care that man lost his daughter. They don't care that people can't feel safe because of their business. All they care for are things such as money and power. The ministry won't do what it takes out of fear their people become like them." She glanced at the street behind them. "If they wanted to catch them, they'd do best to find traitors to help them take down the masses. Fight fire with fire rather than throwing icecubes at it. They'll melt long before they have any sort of impact."

She was not arrogant but she knew the odds they'd take her or any of the others were very small as long as they didn't actually get help from the criminal underworld, something that made her even more wary than usual. If her allies were not willing to do unthinkable things to prove loyalty she had no use for them. It was hard to go tattle if the things you'd done were at least as bad as those you'd worked with or for. Something people somehow seemed to fail to realise at times. Settlements at best.

She smiled a somewhat warmer smile, although the warmth never reached her eyes. "Thank you Mr Underwood. It's very kind of you. I'm sure we'll have security in numbers if any of those that escape would pick up on our trail here." She said as she motioned towards the more public street. "Shall we?" She said, gesturing towards the way out of the entire mess. It seemed like a bad plan to keep this encounter running much longer than needed. He clearly held more influence in the world that his demeanor suggested and she had no intention of getting caught this day. She at the very least wanted to deal with business first. She had quite a bit of unfinished business left after all.

@cameronunderwood