don't be afraid cecelia [ramsey]

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Desirae's eyes are burning gold when she looks at Cecelia, and Cecelia can't help but look back. "You failed me, Cecelia. You failed me just like Braelynn did. And now you're going to pay the price, just like she did. How does it feel, Cecelia? How does it feel to be afraid?" Cecelia doesn't know what to say. She can barely remember how to breathe, let alone how to speak. She opens her mouth to defend herself, insist that she hasn't done anything wrong - how could she, under the Vow? - but she is too late, because Desi's arm is already up, her wand is already out, the words are already leaving her lips, there's a jet of green light headed towards her chest -

Cecelia woke up with a scream. It was the same nightmare that she had every night, but every night when she woke up, she was still terrified. It always felt so real, and the details were always the same - Desi's eyes were always mysteriously golden, Cecelia never could speak, and her sister always, always mentioned Braelynn. Cece didn't know how much longer she could continue like this, waking up every night. She didn't know how no one had ever woken up to her screams, either. It seemed improbable, at best. At least the secret was easier to keep this way, without anyone telling her that she needed help.

The Gryffindor prefect stepped out of bed, already knowing it would be pointless to try to go back to sleep. There was still an hour left until dawn, but she couldn't bear to close her eyes again, and hear those awful words. She could just wander around the ground a bit, and use her prefect duties as an excuse if she got caught. yes, that was a good idea. Cecelia got dressed quickly, and slunk out of the Gryffindor common room with hardly a sound, padding down several flights of stairs to the main entrance hall. They always thought about keeping people out, but never in, and Cecelia was able to slip through the doors easily. It wasn't as hard to breathe without the walls of the tower closing in on her, and Cecelia let out a sigh of relief, though her heart was still pounding with fear.

@ramsey

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Ramsey wasn't always an early riser, but for some reason today she had just woken up around five in the morning and wasn't able to get back to sleep. She knew she couldn't very well sit there in bed, restless and awake, and she couldn't go up to the castle yet for breakfast because there was no way anyone else was even awake yet. The sun hadn't even come up! So, Ramsey settled on just crawling out of bed and slipping her feet into a pair of slippers and not bothering to get out of her pajamas as she exited the Beauxbatons carriage to just sit out in the grass a few feet away from the cabin. Maybe she could watch the sunrise.

Ram sat there for a bit, gently plucking at a few blades of grass out of boredem. She looked around the grounds. They were still fairly dark, but on the horizon somewhere, the sun was threatening to rise soon. Ram continued to look all around the grounds, just taking in the scenery when she saw someone walking. For a brief moment, her heart began pounding and she reached for her wand that she had left in the carriage. She wasn't unaware of the dangers that had gone on at this school in the last year; it didn't hurt to be extra careful. But as she squinted at the figure, she saw it was not a person of suspicion but rather a person on beauty. It was Cecelia, the Prefect that Ramsey had met just a few days ago.

A wide smile spread across Ramsey's face as she sat up straight in her spot on the grass and began waving her arms in the air like a wildwoman to try and get Cecelia's attention.

@cecelia

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Cecelia had begun to feel better when she stepped out the door, but everything seemed to get worse again when she adjusted to her new surroundings. She was still bound in by fences and anti-Apparition wards and there were still so many people and she was dizzy from a lack of oxygen. Cecelia put her hands on her knees, desperately trying to catch her breath, when she caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye. In one movement she was upright again, with her wand held at arm’s length, pointed towards the source of the motion. It took Cecelia longer than it should have to realize that she had no reason to be afraid. If it had been a Purifier attack, she would have been recognized as Desirae’s sister immediately. Then again, her relation to Desi didn’t guarantee her loyalty anymore. But the Vow did, Cecelia reminded herself, and she had no reason to worry. Still, her reaction would at least make it so whoever was on the end would believe Cecelia believed she was in danger, which was a good thing. If she walked around like nothing could touch her, people would be suspicious.

It took Cecelia a few beats more to realize that not only was she not in danger, she actually rather liked the person on the other end of her wand. Cecelia lowered it slowly, taking a few steps towards Ramsey. Her heart, which hadn’t ever seemed to slow down from the spike of adrenaline from the dream, redoubled its efforts to beat out of her chest as Cecelia closed the gap between herself and Ramsey. “What are you doing up this early?” Cecelia asked, voice hushed due their proximity to the Beauxbatons carriage. If Cecelia hadn’t been awoken by her nightmare, she would still have been in bed.

@ramsey

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Ramsey was not all too familiar with the feeling of excitement she got when she had noticed that the person was Cecelia. It was weird, but it was one she recognized as affection. She wasn't daft, after all. She'd had crushes before, but never had she felt one so strongly like this. Which was why when she saw Cecelia's initial reaction to seeing her, she raised an eyebrow in curiosity. What made her react like that? Then again, it was still dark out, and Ram was sure Cecelia was probably on edge after last year's events.

"Hey," Ramsey greeted her with a bright smile and a soft voice when Cecelia approached her. She shrugged in response. "I couldn't sleep." She replied simply and then patted the ground next to where she sat. "What about you?" She raised an eyebrow at the brunette, a hint of worry on her face. She couldn't help but wonder why the cute brunette was up and outside so early. She was a Prefect, sure, but it still worried Ramsey. She knew some people had rougher times at school and with their lives than others and for some reason, she wondered if Cecelia was one of those people.

@cecelia

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Ramsey had a relatively innocuous reason for being awake – just that she couldn’t sleep, and Cecelia wasn’t sure whether she was envious of the other girl or happy for her. Maybe it was a mix of the two. Cecelia had expected her question to be turned back on her, but that didn’t make coming up with an answer any easier. She was sorely tempted to lie to Ramsey, and say that she also had just had inexplicable troubles sleeping. Still, if she wasn’t able to talk about what was happening, how was she ever going to recover for it? That was part of the reason that Cecelia was still obsessing over the Unbreakable Vow; she couldn’t talk to anyone about it and have them assure her that she had made the right decision when she had had two equally awful choices placed in front of her. “I get nightmares.” Cecelia answered after her pause to consider what she would do. “Normally I go back to sleep, but it’s so close to sunrise anyways that I figured I’d just get some fresh air, and try to clear my head.” That wasn’t working out well, since she had run into Ramsey, but Cecelia was glad that she had found the other girl nonetheless.

@ramsey

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Truthfully, Ramsey had been expecting an answer fairly close to the one she had given Cecelia. But instead, Cecelia said she got nightmares and a look of concern flashed over Ramsey's face. "Oh," she let out, a little off put by the answer. "Those are no good." She replied. She felt bad; she wished she could say something that could help Cecelia. Though, Ramsey wasn't sure what would or why she had that feeling. She had the odd sensation of wanting to protect Cecelia...

After a quiet moment, Ramsey looked at Cecelia and rasied her eyebrow. "Do you... want to talk about it?" She asked slowly. "I know that sometimes... that can help," she offered up an understanding smile to the brunette.

@cecelia

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Cecelia looked at Ramsey, then back down at her hands. The other girl didn’t seem pleased with Cecelia’s answer, and she kicked herself for not making the smart choice and lying. Ramsey asked another question that Cecelia knew would be best answered by a lie, but once again, she found herself unable to conjure anything believable. Short of brushing off the question altogether, she couldn’t do anything, and given her reaction to Ramsey’s greeting, Cecelia knew it wouldn’t be easy to brush off the question in the first place. “You’re going to get a lot more than you bargained for.” Cecelia informed the Beauxbatons girl quietly. “I told you, when we first met, that no one else would want my sister.” The Gryffindor was about to tell her friend exactly why that was, and she prayed that Ramsey wouldn’t think that Cecelia was exaggerating or saying what she was about to say for the shock factor. “That’s because she killed someone.” The bomb had been dropped, and Cecelia wasn’t going to say anything else. She had to give Ramsey time to run away if she wanted to. And why wouldn’t she, really? Cecelia wasn’t anything special, and the only thing she had going for her was spectacular bad luck. It would probably be better for Ramsey to get away while she still could, before Desi tangled her in her web, too.

@ramsey

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Ramsey watched the brunette patiently, still smiling all the while as she watched the girl seem to take a moment to think. Ram didn't push her or prod her to speak up. It seemed, based on the amount of time it took her to finally respond, that whatever it was that was bothering Cecelia was a serious topic. Ram let out a little chuckling breath. "That is quite alright," she nodded once. Ram couldn't help but think that she could get tired of hearing Cecelia talk, so she didn't care if she was "getting more than she bargained for."

When Cecelia finally spoke, Ramsey didn't respond or react in any way. She took a second to let that sink in, really. Ramsey could see now why Cecelia had seemed so bothered. Ram imagined she would be just as bothered if she were in her position as well. "I'm so sorry," she finally replied softly. "That... that definitely can't be easy, living with that knowledge." Ramsey didn't take her eyes off of Cecelia. It was clear that Cecelia needed someone to talk to about this, and Ramsey wanted to make it clear that she wasn't going anywhere.

@cecelia

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Ramsey seemed to have accepted quickly that she was going to be getting a doozy of an answer, but Cecelia was still hesitant. Of course, she spoke anyways, but Ramsey’s reaction was about what she expected. At first, nothing, and then well-meaning pity. But she had started, and now Cecelia couldn’t stop. Because it was more than that. It was always more than that. “I had a twin sister. Braelynn.” Cecelia whispered. “And that’s who she killed.” Why was it so hard telling Ramsey something that the entirety of the school already knew? Probably because Cecelia was making it personal. To the school, Desirae killed Braleynn. To Cecelia, her older sister killed her twin. And there was no way to make it hurt any less. As if it wasn’t bad enough already, Cecelia couldn’t reject Desi. Not just because of the Vow, though that was a big part of it. She couldn’t reject Desirae because that would be the same as giving up on her, and all Cecelia wanted was for Desi to realize she was wrong. It wasn’t going to happen, of course, but that didn’t mean that Cecelia couldn’t pray for it. “And I still love her.” There was the most shameful part of the whole situation, the part that would make Ramsey leave. Cecelia loved a murderer.

@ramsey

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Ramsey's brow creased further in worry when Cecelia mentioned she had a sister. It was barely above a whisper, but Ramsey heard it and she felt a sadness inside of her then. She couldn't imagine the pain Cecelia must be feeling. And then she said her other sister... the killer... had killed Cecelia's twin. Ramey's mouth fell open just slightly in shock. "I'm so sorry, Cecelia," Ramsey said softly into the morning air. Ram knew, though, that there were no words that could make Cecelia feel better. In that moment, Ramsey found herself wanting to wrap an arm around Cecelia and pull her close into an affectionate and comforting hug. But she held back. She looked at Cecelia as she spoke once more. "It's okay," she said, her voice still soft. "Even if she did something horrible... she is still your sister. You can't just turn that off." Even if Ramsey didn't have any siblings of her own, she knew that just turning off familial love like that wasn't exactly easy.

@cecelia

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Ramsey seemed to understand. Maybe she didn’t, but she was doing a good job of pretending, and that was more than most people did – they just sneered at Cecelia for her devotion to Desirae, for her terrifying fear of loneliness, for her cowardice despite the fact that she was in a house renowned for its bravery. Cecelia wasn’t brave. She was afraid.

She was damned either way, whether she ever found her bravery or not. Damned to a life of loneliness if Desi died, and damned to a life of servitude and wondering what could’ve been if she didn’t. Cecelia was damned, and she didn’t know which situation was worse, whether she’d rather be alone and herself or with her sister and a person she didn’t recognize when she looked in the mirror. “There’s more than that.” Cecelia said, voice still low. She couldn’t say what that more was, because then she would die, but Ramsey deserved to know that she was only getting half the story, that Cecelia was no saint. Of course she wasn’t a saint, because saints couldn’t go to hell, and that was where Cecelia was headed, no matter what. “Why?” She asked after a long pause. She didn’t know why she was asking that question, what she wanted to know the reason for, but maybe Ramsey would give her something to hold onto, something that would make everything okay.

@ramsey

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Ramsey just watched Cecelia, trying to read her emotions on her face. It was very clear that Cecelia was hurting, and Ramsey didn't blame her. She had lost a sister, a twin sister. While Ramsey an only child, she knew that there were very few other kinds of relationships that were stronger than siblings. Much less sisters, and twins at that. Cecelia said there was more to whatever her older sister had done, but it wasn't Ramsey's business. And... if her sister had killed someone, Ramsey wasn't sure she wanted to know. Instead, her brow raised slightly in question. "Why what?" She asked, not quite sure what Cecelia was asking of her.

@cecelia

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Ramsey asked what Cecelia was asking why for her, and the Gryffindor girl just shook her head. She refused to say ‘why me’ like some pitiful child, even if that was exactly what she was thinking. Instead, Cecelia started a new line of thought altogether. “Can I hug you?” She asked quietly. “You can say no, if you want, but…” Cecelia trailed off. She couldn’t remember the last time she had hugged someone for the sole purpose of hugging them. Ramsey seemed like the kind of person who would give good hugs, and even if the question was a bit strange, Cecelia wasn’t sorry that she had asked it. The worst that Ramsey could do would be to say no, and Cecelia had endured larger heartbreaks than a denied hug.

@ramsey

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It concerned Ramsey when Cecelia just shook her head in response to her question. Ram felt bad for the girl, she did. What she had been through... Ram knew that had to be traumatizing. Ramsey couldn't help but look somewhat sadly at Cecelia. Then, Cecelia asked if she could have a hug. And Ramsey didn't even wait for Cecelia's sentence to trail off completely; she just wrapped her arms around the brunette and pulled her close. It was clear that Cecelia just needed a hug, just needed someone to tell her it would be alright. And Ramsey was just the type of person to do all of that. She hugged Cecelia tightly. "Take as long as you need," she said quietly.

@cecelia

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There was something to said about being hugged by someone who wanted to hug you. Of all of the embraces that Cecelia had shared in her life, it seemed like there had always been at least one unwilling participant. Now, though, hugging Ramsey, Cecelia felt…wanted. Ramsey smelled nice and holding her closer chased away some of the cold that had lingered around Cecelia since Braelynn’s death. Ramsey said that she could take as long as she needed, but Cecelia worried that if she was given as long as she needed, they would stand there forever, two people entwined in a hug that was chaste, yet the most intimate thing that Cecelia had ever done. “Could you ever love someone like me?” Cecelia asked, not drawing away from Ramsey even as she did. She didn’t want to see the look on the Beauxbatons girl’s face when she heard the question, didn’t want to see the look in her eyes when she answered. Didn’t want to know that Ramsey would lie to her.

@ramsey