No One Can Say What We Get To Be (Riley, Toby)

[Deleted]

February 22,2025

Today was the most exhausting day Kinsey remembered in a long time. Not only did she have the worst nightmare last night, she woke up and ran into Priscilla- of all people- in the bathroom. She had to go back to her room to calm down and catch her breath. Of course, Kinsey pulled the drapes around her bed. She didn’t want to talk to anyone this morning. She didn’t need their pity.

It was only after she was pretty sure most everyone was gone to Hogsmeade for the engagement party that she came out of her room. Toby was there, like they’d planned and he actually did a pretty good job distracting her from the fact that today was likely the worst day of her life. The day she truly lost Riley Fudge. She kept trying to convince herself that she didn’t care for Riley anymore, that she got over him last week when he walked away, but it was still hard. Those feelings were hard to move past and right now she was at the angry stage. She was angry at him, even though honestly she was angry at herself too.

By the afternoon she and Toby were relaxing a little, having a small picnic by the pond, her favorite place. At the moment, she was giggling and throwing grapes at him, not even trying to make it in his mouth anymore. She didn’t even notice anyone approaching.

tobias charles watkins
@riley

[tobias charles watkins]

Toby felt like he did a decent job at distracting Kinsey today with their activities during Riley and Prissy's engagement party in Hogsmeade. As much as he would have fancied going to a function as a couple with Lusie, he couldn't partake in a celebration that caused his best friend so much grief and stress. The last thing he wanted to hear about was Riley - although he had nothing personally wrong with the older boy - besides the fact that Kinsey was so hung up over him. 

The pair brought snacks over to the pond, where they were resting in the shade after their own afternoon activities. Kinsey launched grapes towards Toby's face, he caught one, but the second grape bounced off of his nose. Toby chuckled, opening his mouth again, but closing abruptly as he noticed someone was approaching them.

That someone being Riley Fudge. Bloody Hell.

Toby's face tightened, eyebrows furrowing as he took in a breath. His eyes shifted to Kinsey as they widened,  "Riley is approaching." he whispered through his teeth. That was all he could do to brace himself, and Kinsey, for whatever Riley was about to do. 

@riley
@kinsey

[Deleted]

Riley walked back from Hogsmead on his own and sported an air of confidence as he did so. He was going to kind Kinsey. He had no idea where she would be, but he had a few guesses. Though his first guess turned out to be right. The pond was one of her favorite places. It was the place they talked for the first time. The place he got to know her and first noticed the way that her smile made him feel. And she was there now. But not alone. Though he didn’t care about that so much. Toby was not a threat to him. He liked the guy.

Riley saw Toby whisper something to Kinsey and look over at him. But Kinsey didn’t turn around. Though he was pretty sure he saw her shoulders tense. He had really messed all this up. “Hey uh… Kinsey?” He asked, standing behind her, not wanting to impose himself into their picnic. But he always wanted to just embrace her and tell her the good news. “so uh, I’ve been an idiot this whole time. And I’m sure you already know that but I thought you might like to hear me say it… but it’s over now. I just told my parents that I’m not going to marry Priscilla. And I ended up cutting off all relations with my family… I choose you Kinsey. I always will…” he said, feeling extremely cheesy as he pulled the ring out of his pocket and crouched down next to her. “I’m not proposing to you right now… but I’m promising that I won’t let anyone take you away from me again… if you’ll let me.” he explained, holding the diamond out to her. Then he looked over, “Hey Toby…” He said awkwardly

@kinsey tobias charles watkins

[Deleted]

Kinsey almost forgot why she and Toby were spending the day together. She was having so much fun with her best friend that she really wasn't thinking about Riley and Priscilla and all the things that were happening at their engagement party right now ... okay, that was a lie. Despite the fact that Toby was being amazing, every so often Kinsey's mind flitted to the guy she was trying desperately to fall out of love with. 

Still, she was distracted as she threw grapes at Toby. He was laughing with her as they played around. At least, he was laughing with her at first. Then he stopped and instead was staring at some spot behind her. Kinsey fought the urge to turn around, glad she did when Toby explained. Riley? Did she hear him right or was she just hearing what she wanted to? Wait, no. That's not what Kinsey wanted to hear. She didn't like Riley anymore. She spent all week telling herself that over and over. Kinsey's shoulders tensed as she gave Toby a confused look. Why in the world would Riley be here? Shouldn't he be in the middle of his party? Her mind wouldn't settle, but she didn't turn around to look at him. She wasn't so sure she actually wanted to see Riley right now. She was still mad at him. He left her. 

She could literally feel Riley's presence drawing nearer as he approached her from behind. He stopped right behind her and Kinsey closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for whatever was about to happen. She didn't really have any hope that it would be something positive anymore. He greeted her and Kinsey looked to Toby, her expression nervous before she smoothed it out and turned a little to face Riley, though not enough that her back was to Toby. She still wanted to be able to see him. Ugh, why was Riley so handsome? She looked up at him, trying to keep her face impassive, though that got harder the longer he spoke. 

Her eyes widened as Riley spoke. He changed his mind? He called himself an idiot, then adding that he wasn't going to marry Priscilla, that he cut of his relationships with his family and that he chose her. She couldn't speak. Kinsey's mind was racing. She felt stunned, delighted, and incredulous. Kinsey could hardly believe her ears. He was choosing her ... after thinking about it for an entire week. As fast as it came, her delight left and her anger returned in its wake. 

The next thing she knew, Riley was crouching beside her, a diamond ring in her hand as he said that he wasn't proposing but that he didn't want anyone to take her away from him again. It was an adorable gesture, that registered somewhere in her conscious, but she still frowned as she looked down at the ring.

"Was it really that hard of a decision for you to make?" her voice was quiet, an undercurrent of her anger evident. "You left me standing in that stupid room more than a week ago and haven't looked at me since. You say that you love me and that you'll always be there for me, but where were you the last week?" Her voice cracked and she paused. Kinsey didn't want to be rude or nitpicky or make him feel bad, but at the same time she really, really did. She glanced over to Toby, hoping he would understand. Then she finally looked at Riley, her expression strong and determined. "It took you a whole week and a HALF to choose me? To want me over whatever ridiculous reasons you had for marrying her? And in the meantime, what was I supposed to do? Hide in my dorm room and cry? Stand around on the sidelines hoping that you'd want me in the end? Or just hope that I'd be able to pull the pieces of myself together when you did go through with it." Kinsey glanced away, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself before she continued, "You didn't give me any reason to hope that you'd change your mind." She was whispering again, looking down at the beautiful ring in his hand. 

"And then you do this." She shook a little as she reached forward, touching the top of the ring gently, but being particularly careful not to touch Riley. She didn't want to feel his intentions any stronger than she already did. She sighed, pulling her hand back to herself. "Riley, I love you. Of course I still love you ... but I don't like you very much right now." She didn't know what else to say. Kinsey didn't know what she wanted right now. All she wanted from him for the past week was a look or a smile. Now he was offering her a ring and Kinsey didn't know what to say.

tobias charles watkins
@riley

[tobias charles watkins]

This afternoon certainly took an interesting turn. Toby didn't believe his ears at first when Riley told Kinsey that he had chosen her over Priscilla, it made him wonder what happened at Madam Pudifoot's for him to be at the pond right now. Riley greeted him after the sentiment, causing Toby to raise a hand to wave as he was still digesting his words to Kinsey. "Hello Riley," he said, chuckling as he looked down at the ground. Rileys display didn't exactly have the storybook ending that he was probably hoping for when he presented the ring. Kinsey was noticeably angry. Toby could tell by the look on her face and the tone of her voice, she was trying to keep at even tone.

Toby knew that this was a moment Riley and Kinsey should have alone, no matter how awkward it was going to be. It was also very uncomfortable being a fly on the wall for a conversation so intimate.

Toby pushed himself off of the grass with an easygoing smile, unbothered by Riley crashing their session. He hoped that he wouldn't regret this later. He shook bits of grass off of him with a full body shimmy, "I'll leave you two be." Toby said, placing a hand on Kinsey's shoulder, "You know where to find me." he said, shooting her a sympathetic look before turning to Riley. "Uh. Good luck, Riley. See ya later." Toby laughed awkwardly before quickly walking away towards the castle in pursuit of Lusie.

TOBY OUT

@kinsey
@riley

[Deleted]

She was mad. And he didn’t expect her not to be. But it still broke his heart to hear her say what she did. She didn’t understand why it took him so long to choose her and he knew he couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know why. He hasn’t been open with her, he couldn’t have been. He still couldn’t really be. This sort of information in her hands was dangerous. She couldn’t know. Keeping her safe meant keeping her in the dark… for the most part at least. But he knew he’d have to tell her some, even if he couldn’t tell her all of it.

Toby seemed to want to leave as much as Riley wanted him to leave and thankfully he left pretty quickly, even if he had to witness Riley’s rejection before he left. But once he did, he sat down by Kinsey, careful to give her her space when he did. “I wasn’t deciding if I should choose you. I’ve wanted you from the beginning. You’re all I’ve wanted. I just had to figure things out… I had to get things in order…” he sighed. “Kinsey, my parents and my family aren’t good people… I worried about retaliation against you or me or us if I didn’t do what they told me… I thought going along with it would mean they would leave you alone. But I don’t want to live my life in fear anymore. I’m sorry didn’t tell you. I don’t need you to forgive and like me right away… but I plan on making it up to you.” he promised.

@kinsey
Bye tobias charles watkins

[Deleted]

Kinsey started when Toby got up to leave. Her eyes met his, a little bit of panic in them. Sure, she was angry at Riley and she might have forgotten that Toby was there, but that didn't mean she wanted him to leave! She was nervous to be alone with Riley, which didn't make any sense either. She couldn't keep him there though. She was sure that Toby must feel super awkward in the middle of this whole thing, so she just nodded to him. Even though she didn't want him to go. "See you Toby," she muttered, glancing away when he wished Riley luck. 

Once Toby was gone, Riley moved to sit beside her and Kinsey tensed again. She was nervous that he would wrap his arms around her or something, but Riley didn't. He started talking about how he wanted her from the beginning, how he had to figure things out. The same line he'd used all year, it seemed like and Kinsey was about to get upset about it, but then he started to explain. Finally. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him and paid attention to his intentions. She wanted to know if he was going to lie to her, but it wouldn't make any sense if he did. She frowned at his words however. His family might do something to him for refusing to marry Priscilla? She hadn't even thought about that, though she should have. She knew they were "real" Purebloods, as Riley explained to her last year. Of course they wouldn't want him to go against them. She frowned as she looked over at him again, "Why wouldn't you tell me something like that? Don't you think I'd want to know, to help you in whatever way I could? Why would you keep that from me?" She was mad at him for that too, even though being mad at him wouldn't help her. Then she realized that she didn't tell him everything either. They both were making the same mistake and she was tired of it.

Kinsey bit her lip, looking down to the ground. She swallowed. "Dominic Dippet," she forced the name out, starting to tremble as she did so, hoping Riley wouldn't make her explain. She'd never said his name along with the confession of what he did to her. She didn't want to, but she would. For him. If he didn't understand. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before she gave another confession. "I kissed Joe. After the nightmares started. I felt worthless and unwanted and he's not in the dreams and you were engaged and I didn't want to make things worse for you." Still, she felt guilty for that. She opened her eyes and looked up at Riley, unable to think of another secret she'd kept from him. "Is there anything else you want to know about me? Riley, I ... I don't want to have any secrets anymore. If we're going to do this, we need to be honest with each other. This is all I want. Please?" She watched him carefully, internally begging him to agree. 

@riley

[Deleted]

Kinsey asked why he wouldn’t tell her about his parents before and he shook his head. “any information in your hands makes you a target, Kinsey. And me telling you anything makes me a bigger one.” He hoped that she understood that concept, because that was true. And it was why he wouldn’t/couldn’t come out and tell her everything about them, he couldn’t use the words. He couldn’t go in depth. And that was for her own safety. Hogwarts was supposed to be a safe place. But with his sister and others around, it wasn’t.

Then she said a name. What did he have to do with anything? She said it along with telling him that she had kissed Joe, which sent his blood boiling, but he choked it down. “what about him?” He asked. He bit his lip at what to say about Joe. He really hated that guy. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I never wanted you to feel that way. I’m glad Joe was there for you… but um, you know he’s dating other people, right?” Dom had just told him that she was dating Joe. Or at least going on dates with Joe. He hoped Kinsey wasn’t seriously interested in him.

“I don’t want to keep anything else from you either, Kinsey. But as of now I can’t say that there won’t be any more secrets. But I need you to trust me, that any that I have to keep are for your own safety and I’ll tell you once we’re safe. Once we’re away from this place…” he told her, reaching out to take her hand, but then hesitating, not wanting to cross her line if she wasn’t ready. She still hadn’t accepted the ring anyway.

@kinsey

[Deleted]

To be totally honest, Kinsey didn't expect Riley to answer why he hadn't told her any of this before. She expected the usual, "I need you to trust me" routine that he always gave her. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was definitely annoying. However, he didn't do it this time. Her eyes widened when he explained why he wasn't telling her things and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this on your own. That's probably really hard." Kinsey thought to the years she'd kept Dom's bullying and her ability to herself and how it weighed her down until she felt like she couldn't stand anymore. "Even though you can't tell me, just let me know if you're having a hard time with it please?" She wanted to be there for him, to support him if she could. 

Her heart sank when Riley didn't understand why she said Dom's name, but before she could explain he was reacting to her comment about Joe. She shook her head, "You didn't make me feel that way Riley. It's those nightmares. I was having a really hard time coping with them and he was just in the right place at the right time and I told him what was going on and we kissed to try and help me feel better." It worked too, which was the surprising bit. She smiled hesitantly when he asked a question about Joe. "Riley, I'm not interested in him like that. Joe is a ... good friend, but I don't want to date him. I love you." She searched his eyes, hoping Riley understood.

Then she remembered his first question and her eyes fell to the ground. "Dominic is ... I mean, he-" Why was it so hard for her to spit these words out? "He's my biggest secret, apart from my gift." She still couldn't meet Riley's eyes. Kinsey took a deep breath. "He's my bully," she breathed, the words barely audible. Hopefully Riley heard her. She didn't know if she could say it again.

Riley started talking again and Kinsey looked up at him, listening carefully when he said that he didn't want to keep anything from her, but that he might feel like he had to in order to keep her safe. He said he'd tell her once they left Hogwarts though and Kinsey searched his eyes for a moment, nodding slowly. "Okay, Riley. I trust you," she answered softly. She noticed him reaching his hand toward her and moved to take it with her own. She wasn't mad at him anymore. She didn't need to keep her distance. At the first contact, she sighed as his intentions washed over her. "I missed you," Kinsey confessed, closing her eyes as she spoke. "So much." She opened them and looked back up to Riley's face. "Do you promise never to do that to me again?" 

@riley

[Deleted]

Riley nodded when Kinsey asked him to let he know when he was having a hard time with it, but he didn’t expect that he would much anymore, since he wouldn’t be dealing with his parents. And any attack of threat of attack from here on out would be going to the authorities. He wasn’t going to play around anymore. He wasn’t going to let himself be run by the fear of it all, but that was easy for him to say. Kinsey, on the other hand, should be fine so long as she wasn’t involved. He’d do his best to keep her out of it.

She explained that she wasn’t interested in Joe and that he was just a good friend. He nodded but all he could think was that she needed to get better friends than Joe. He really hated that guy. Who did he think he was going after his girlfriend and his best friend at the same time? Riley wasn’t having it. “okay. Well I’m sorry that you ever had to go to Joe and couldn’t come to me.” he said, trying hard to mask his anger and jealousy. He didn’t want that right now. This wasn’t about him.

“he’s the one that’s been hurting you all these years?” Riley asked, feeling extremely dumbfounded. His own roommate. “Kinsey why haven’t you said anything? Why wouldn’t you let me do anything about it? He can’t get away with that!”

She asked him to promise to never do this again and Riley nodded, a little smile puking up the corner of his lips. “yes. I promise to never get engaged to another woman again.” He nodded. Then he opened his hand after she took the one he reached out to her. “so uh… should I try this again later then? Or…” he glanced down to the ring.

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Kinsey was starting to feel so much better. She and Riley were talking and figuring things out, which felt like a miracle, even though she knew it shouldn't. He nodded, agreeing to let her know if he was having a hard time and Kinsey smiled a little, relieved. She didn't want him to feel like he had to keep everything from her always. She didn't want to be a burden to him. 

Riley nodded when she explained a bit more about Joe, but Kinsey thought she could see some tension in his face. She knew he didn't like Joe, but part of her hoped that him knowing Joe helped her would make him become more objective towards the guy. Kinsey appreciated Joe's friendship. She smiled, "It's okay Riley. I can come to you now." And she would. Riley knew her better than anyone else. He was the one of the only people she felt like she could open up to about everything and she loved him. 

She flinched when Riley started asking questions about Dom. Yes, she expected the questions. That's why she hadn't told Riley about him before. She nodded in answer to his questions. "Yes, it's always been Dom," she whispered. Man, this was harder to talk about than she thought it would be. She shuddered, "I don't want to make things worse. If I told anyone, he would torment me worse, maybe even find ways to get to them. He promised he would." Dom wanted her to feel isolated. She knew that, but she couldn't fight against it. She didn't want him to get to the people she loved. She turned to Riley with desperate eyes, "Please don't, Riley. Don't tell anyone, don't approach him about it. I don't want you to do anything about it, just be with me. Please, Riley," she begged. Even if Riley tried to make things better, she knew Dom could make them so much worse. She didn't want him to know that she told Riley. That would only make it worse. 

Riley lightened the mood there, smiling as he promised to not get engaged to someone else again. Kinsey rolled her eyes, though she started to smile as well. "Don't leave me," she corrected softly. She looked at his other hand as he opened it, asking if he should try it later. Kinsey looked down at the beautiful diamond ring. "It's so pretty," she breathed, touching it softly again. She'd never had anything that nice before. She glanced up to Riley, "You could try again now ..." Kinsey suggested, a small smile creeping onto her face as she looked up at him. 

@riley

[Deleted]

“you can come to me forever.” he nodded encouragingly. This was real this time. He wasn’t going to let her go. Nothing was going to get between them again and he meant that. He’d sooner die than leave her alone.

The news about Dom still extremely upset him. But she was asking him not to do anything. She asked him not to say anything or to try to help. He understood because it was the same thing he felt. The fear of retaliation. “I can’t wait until we’re out of here…” he muttered. Then he could actually keep her safe.

“I’m not going anywhere.” he assured her. Then her eyes went down to the ring too. She said it was pretty and then said that he could try again now if he wanted. He smirked. “I got this last summer. I was going to give it to you at the start of the year. Because even then I knew I wanted to be with you forever. But like I said I’m not proposing exactly. But I plan to. I’d love if you would accept my promise.” he offered her the ring again.

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Kinsey smiled, loving his promise when he said that she could come to him forever. "I will," she answered, wanting him to know that she wanted him too. Surely he had to know how much she cared for him, but Kinsey didn't want there to be any doubt of it. 

She watched Riley anxiously, waiting for what he'd say in response to what she said about Dom. She was unsure if Riley would do as she asked, or argue with her. She knew he wanted to protect her and she wanted him to, but Dom was a special case. "Me too," she answered quietly. Things should get easier once they didn't have to deal with Dom and Priscilla and everyone else. But, he didn't promise. "You're not going to do anything?" Kinsey asked, wanting to be sure that they understood one another. 

Riley promised that he wasn't going anywhere and Kinsey squeezed his hand. That was good enough for her. He started to explain a little more about the ring and Kinsey looked down at it as he spoke. He was so sweet. It was a promise ring, one that meant he wanted to be with her forever and Kinsey smiled when he offered it to her again. "Of course I want it, Riley," she whispered. "Do you want to put it on for me?" Kinsey extended her hand, waiting for him to move. 

@riley

[Deleted]

Kinsey asked if he was going to try to do anything about Dom bullying her and while he really wanted to do something and put an end to this, he sighed. “I want to do something. But if you don’t want me to then I’ll respect it.” He decided. He didn’t want to make anything worse for Kinsey on that front, he could already imagine that the next few months wouldn't be easy.

She agreed to wanting to the ring and asked if he wanted to put it on her. He nodded and slid the ring into her ring finger, smirking at how good it looked there. He knew one day it would mean a lot more, but for today it meant everything. “I’m sorry I put you through all this. I love you, Kinsey.”

@kinsey

[Deleted]

Kinsey nodded, relieved when Riley said that he wouldn't do anything about Dom. She squeezed his hand and gave him a grateful smile, "Thank you." Part of Kinsey could hardly believe he was responding so well to this. If she'd known he wouldn't go after Dom immediately, she might have told him last year, but she had no way of knowing how Riley would respond. 

Riley slid the ring onto her finger, smiling as he did so and Kinsey did the same. The ring was beautiful, there was no denying that. The fact that it came from him made it even more precious to her. He apologized, telling her he loved her and Kinsey smiled at him. "It's okay. I love you, Riley," Kinsey echoed, leaning closer to him so she could give him a kiss. She'd missed this, feeling like she could do what she wanted when she was with him, but now Riley was back and everything felt right again. 

--- the end ---

@riley