scream, shout, let it all out [Felix]

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

3 June 2026

The downfall of Hogwarts had been a trauma. That was the bottom line – there was no nice way to say it, no silver lining to be found. There were very few places on Earth Bianca would dare to call hell, but the burning halls of the castle? Desperately searching for students while tackling the filth of the Purifiers who'd shown up? There was no other word for it but hell. She’d been through a trauma, and the five stages of processing it…well, she’d done those out of order. Denial? Yes, she’d found herself in denial about so many things. And depression? The breakdown she’d had in front of Xiulan could attest to that. And now…now, Bianca felt angry. She’d been dealt several injustices over the course of the last few weeks, and she’d struggled to process them alone. Briefing a new Minister on all the damage of the last year, picking up the pieces of the Ministry after the fiendfyre incident and all the backlash they'd received for it, and learning to cope with it all without Cade. They hadn’t spoken since that terrible exchange just before Ana Karkaroff had burst through the door, and Bianca could feel the grief reset every time she found something of his at her place or caught herself staring at his contact in her phone.

She was angry, and desperately searching for an outlet while she tried to keep herself together for the sake of her professional life. Law Enforcement needed a Department Head at the top of her game, and Bianca wanted terribly to be able to give them that. It was already past lunch, and Bianca sat hunched over her desk. In theory, she was supposed to be writing a summary of the latest meeting between all the Department Heads so it could be distributed first to the Minister then to all the relevant actors that needed to know what decisions had been made. About a paragraph in, her eyes had begun to gloss over and the quill hung limply in her hand. Her mind was a thousand kilometers away, and after five minutes like this Bianca decided a drink was the solution to get her mind in track. It was a little too early to break out the whiskey, so she ignored the bottom drawer and instead opened the one above it to hunt for a fresh bag of coffee beans.

But her movements slowed and then stopped as she shakily took out a box of tea instead. Bianca didn’t drink tea, had never developed a taste for the weak drink even after adding milk or sugar or honey to it. The tea wasn’t for her, because it was Cade’s favorite and he had stopped by her office so often that she’d started to keep a box of it around to tempt him with. A secret acknowledgement that she liked his visits, and seeing him. She stared at the box of teabags, and was hit by a sudden wave of longing and regret and yes, anger. She missed him, so much. He’d become an integral part of her life so fast, and having to suddenly go back to it without him hurt so much. But she was a coward, and even after speaking to Xiulan about it and hearing what the woman had to say about relationships…she hadn’t done anything about it. Bianca was a coward, and furious at herself for it. She made a snap decision in her mind, throwing the box of tea aside as she rounded her desk and stalked outside her office. “I’m going out for a bit,” she snapped at her secretary, who only returned to her paperwork with a shrug (no doubt used to Bianca’s moods by now after months of working for her).

The lift slowly descended from Level 2, to 3, to 4…and finally to 9. The Department of Mysteries. Bianca was the only one left at this point, and her high heels clicked on the polished floor as she walked at a furious pace to the door that led to the room of doors, the only place in the department that she’d ever seen with her own eyes. The Unspeakable gawked openly as she entered, and squeaked at her, “You can’t be in here!” Her eyes had been examining the doors, all identical and firmly shut, but she turned her burning stare on the Unspeakable instead. She crossed the distance between them, and grabbed the front of his robes with a firm grip. “Fine. You have five minutes to find Felix Teller and inform him that the Head of Magical Law Enforcement is looking for him. Then I break down one of these doors and go searching for him myself.” She let him go and watched the Unspeakable scamper away. Crossing her arms, Bianca grit her teeth. She needed an outlet for this anger. Needed to be able to work without having to constantly stop and push down this complex stew of emotions in her chest. Even after everything that had happened between them, Bianca felt more comfortable expressing herself around Felix than most other people in her life. She didn't know exactly how it was going to help, but he was working through his own pain too. Checking her watch, Bianca gave the Unspeakable two more minutes before she'd lose her patience.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Right before his eyes, Felix watched the wizarding world crumble. For the first time in his life, he’d been caught up in the drama of his own life. The death of his partner had shocked him more than he had expected. Felix had made quite an effort to grow more attached to Melody, and while he did very much appreciate her company, he couldn’t have ever said that he truly loved her. Perhaps it was because his heart had chosen another, who had also in turn not chosen him. A triangle of unrequited love. How poignant. And yet with Melody’s death and her subsequent admission that she did love him after all, Felix spiralled into a deeper depression. It had taken him long nights and days, a lot of cheering up from Heleen and numerous bottles of whisky to get him presentable once more. Still reeling from his own personal losses, Felix felt numb when the news came about Hogwarts.

It was a place he had held in such high esteem. The bedrock of magical learning, the home of young minds ready to be shaped into something spectacular. And yet the news came to him too late that there had been a rescue effort, spearheaded by Bianca Rivera.

That fact had stung. That Bianca hadn’t trusted him to do the right thing. That he couldn’t be counted on to assist and save and put aside his philosophical drama in order to fight for the greater good. He’d been searching for the bottom of a whisky bottle whilst Bianca had been risking her life to save countless children, and watched countless more fall. Never in a million years would Felix claim to be a selfless person, but he didn’t think that his own selfishness would drown him in a pool of self-pity.

Emotion spiralled through Felix and he welcomed it. It was better than the endless void that he’d been drifting through for the past weeks. He was angry, he was upset, and he was so much more. Hadn’t he and Bianca spoken so many times about wanting to make a greater impact? To find something worth fighting for, to mean something? And Felix found it easier to blame Bianca for failing to see that this was exactly the opportunity for him to prove that there was something worth fighting for. The continued existence of a revered magical institution.

There was a tint of selfishness to Felix’s anger though. He had his own motivations for wanting to have gotten involved, but would he really have put his life at risk? Hindsight was 20/20, they always said. And what difference could he have made? He didn’t know. When Felix discovered that his own superior, Asher Burke, had been a key player in the destruction of the school, he felt even more betrayed and angry. Asher hadn’t been a friend, necessarily. But he had been a guide, and a mentor to Felix. Someone who had been just as far removed from reality as him. But, Felix discovered to his dismay, in quite a different way.

Though his focus was elsewhere, Felix bent over to examine a model of Mars. He didn’t usually spend much time on the planets, though he had discovered some strange frequency emanating from the planet. He’d first noticed it when an unfamiliar crater appeared on the model, but there was no surrounding debris or any evidence as to what had made the impact. He frowned, inspecting the model so closely that he didn’t take note of the commotion coming from the circular room behind him. ”What caused you… and where are these gamma rays coming from…” Felix mused under his breath.

”F-F-Felix” came a stammer from behind him, jolting Felix back to reality. He turned, and faced his mortified and petrified colleague. ”Yes, Jane?” asked Felix, curious as to what had made her so unsettled. ”The head of magical law enforcement is here for you. Did you break the law? Are you in trouble? Do you need a lawyer? My brother-” but Felix had stopped listening. He pushed past Jane, who continued her stream of questions and strode purposefully out into the hall.

There she was, in all her furious glory. Against his will, Felix’s heart skipped a beat and his mouth went dry. She looked exceptionally beautiful, even with her hair wild and her eyes angry. ”Bianca, to what do I owe this unexpected house call?” said Felix smoothly, glossing over the spike of anger that pricked within him, the bitterness that had once enveloped him, the betrayal that still lingered alongside the love.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

There were things Bianca wished she could say out-loud. Things that weighed heavily on her shoulders, and thrashed in her chest as she wrestled with what they meant. She wished she could complain about how unfair it all was, how unjust the world had turned out to be. There was no order to life, no promise that everything would be okay even if you did things the way you should. Be a good person? Love the world, help other people, sacrifice everything inside you to make them happy? It didn’t guarantee anything, and you could still die young or suffer deep and inconsolable losses. Be a bad person? It didn’t matter, you might still get everything you want and shrug off the consequences like they didn’t mean anything. It infuriated Bianca that Asher Burke was sitting in an interrogation room, still holding his head high and studying her with a cool gaze like he wasn’t complicit in one of the worst crimes Britain had seen since the end of Voldemort’s reign. And there were dead Hogwarts students, and suffering parents, and Bianca was in the middle of it all trying to keep the ship together.

But she wasn’t a child anymore, and she couldn’t run sobbing to her father because her older brother had shoved her and taken her football away. There was no promise of ‘fair’ or ‘right’ waiting for her anymore, and there was no use asking for either one because there just wasn't anyone that could provide that, or hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. No, the only things you could get in life were the ones you took yourself, and Bianca had been playing the passive game too long already. Being indecisive in her professional life, and a coward in her personal one. Merlin and Morgana, all the events of the last month had left Bianca feeling so powerless. Like it was all spiraling out of control and there was nothing she could do to make any of it right. She needed to remember what it felt like to have a single fixed goal in her mind. To know that she would do anything to make it happen.

Before she’d met Felix, she’d felt that. There was no time for indecision or doubt or even the personal pleasures that made life about something more than just survival. She took each day as it came, and never bothered to think about anything more than simply solving the next case or tricking Leo into watching Legally Blonde by promising it was Tron until the moment she pulled up the main menu. Felix had started to make her doubt her gray life, and even if it hadn’t worked between them – too many secrets, too many lies – finding him still felt like the next step she needed to take to find clarity. As if confronting him would also help confront this damn helplessness she felt in her chest. So Bianca waited impatiently in the room of doors, arms crossed and her eyes fixed on the door she would barge through when the Unspeakable inevitably failed to come back. Bianca turned at the sound of the door, and her eyes settled on Felix as he strode through. Merlin, he looked the same as he always did – rumpled robes, like he had most certainly fallen asleep at his desk while staying late to work. Creased forehead as he worked out some unsolvable riddle in his head. But something was different, and Bianca’s eyes narrowed as she studied his expression. He didn’t look thoughtful or distant or even moody, all the usual suspects for how he might feel. His face was tense, and there was an angry fire in his eyes – one she was more used to seeing in her own reflection than in his pale face. His voice was smooth, his words were polite, but there wasn’t the same emotion in his tone that she had come to expect from him. Idle curiosity, or unrestrained passion.

Something was different, but Bianca felt her mouth flatten in disapproval as she pushed the thought away. “We’re going out for a while,” she announced, no hint of compromise or negotiation in her tone as she uncrossed her arms. She had already changed out of her robes into Muggle clothes – still professional and sophisticated, but easier to blend into the Muggle crowd she had in mind. She tilted her head slightly as she looked him over, like she had a thousand times before although now with a more detached distance. Then she turned and strode out of the Department of Mysteries, trusting Felix to follow. She’d stopped trusting what he did, or didn’t, say to her anymore after their relationship had started to unravel. But when her back was turned, when she needed to know that she wasn’t alone? She trusted him to be there.

Bianca didn’t speak again as they navigated through the lift, then the Atrium, then the crowds of Muggle London. In fact, she didn’t say another word until they'd entered a building she’d been to a thousand times before, although always alone. “One hour session,” she said curtly as she unrolled some pounds from her purse and slid them onto the counter. She turned to glance over her shoulder at Felix, before pulling on his sleeve to make sure he walked behind her into one of the many rooms that lined the hallway. “Welcome to our rage room! Let me explain what you're seeing…” the employee began to chatter excitedly about the rules as she handed Bianca and Felix gloves and protective glasses, then finally left the room. Bianca sighed heavily and picked up a plate to examine it as she took in the perfect reproduction of a kitchen. Everything here could be smashed in a safe environment, and Merlin she just needed to release this anger and all these turbulent emotions inside her somehow. “When everything goes wrong, is it my fault? Or just bad luck? Did I do something to deserve this?” she muttered as she turned the plate over in her hands. She couldn’t look at Felix, so she just stared hard at the cheap plastic instead. He had always been ready to debate the most challenging questions with her, searching for answers even if there just wasn't one sometimes. And Bianca could feel so many different parts of her life unraveling. She just wanted Felix to tell her what it all meant.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Bianca eyed Felix shrewdly, but he did not cower away. She was ferocious and steadfast - two things Felix had loved about her. And probably still did. But he met her gaze straight on, the strange fire burning within him to accuse, to set things right. That if he could only find the proper words, then his head wouldn't be so messed up. How could he put words to his own poisoned touch? Bianca had escaped, but what had it cost her? There had been months of tight lipped conversations, then training for occlumency, small, broken bits of Felix knitting back together. Then promptly falling to pieces again once some new tragedy struck his life. It was a bitter reminder that there was no order in the chaos. That there was no happy ending. Life, as abrupt as it was, had a way of happening, with or without them.

Bianca spoke flatly, giving Felix no room to argue. She turned on her heel and stomped out of the hall. Felix debated only for a moment before giving chase, shooting a sidelong glance at his colleague who looked utterly bewildered at the series of events that had unfolded. Bianca was in muggle clothes, which was much easier to blend in. He half wished that she'd given him a chance to change, but there was a set to her face that squashed any of that flat. Felix silently followed the marching Bianca, struck by just how one look at her face could send any man running. They cleaved their way through central London, not saying a word as Felix's concern grew. Bianca had always been a straightforward woman, but the silence was unnerving.

At long last, they reached Bianca's chosen destination. She passed over a roll of pounds, asking for an hour's session. Flummoxed, Felix remained steadfast in his silence. Of course, her pounds wouldn't be creased or crumpled - Bianca had loved order, seeking it even when there was nothing to be found. Felix followed Bianca through the winding corridors and into a massive room. A rage room? This wasn't exactly the sort of thing he had heard of before. But looking at Bianca, who shoved the protective glasses up her nose, he quickly realised she was perfectly at home here. Felix had always tried to burrow away his emotions, hiding behind twisting riddles and thoughtful conjecture. The employee left the room, and Felix spoke at last. "So... we smash things?" he asked slowly, looking around at the various (very fragile) objects. It was a perfect reproduction of a kitchen, though not the sort of kitchen he was familiar with. Where were the whisky decanters?

Felix mulled over Bianca's questions, wondering if she really wanted an answer. "What is luck, anyways?" said Felix at last, watching Bianca inspect the plate. "What does it even mean to be lucky? That you get everything you want? But what about the things that we need? Where do you draw the line?" he asked, picking up a plate of his own. "I don't think there is luck. Or deserving. Or fault. Things happen, around us, to us, for us maybe even. And sometimes all we can do is watch. But in the grand scheme of things, will it make a difference? I suppose you have to take it whatever way you can." Felix brought the plate down in one fluid motion, smashing it against the counter. "And react, or fail to react, in any way that gives you peace."

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

“We smash things,” Bianca confirmed without looking back at Felix, “So that we don’t smash other things. Like Asher Burke’s face.” She finished that last sentence in a mumble as she stared hard at the plate, imagining Burke’s stupidly smug expression on it. Then she grit her teeth and sent the plate flying to the wall, watching it smash into several pieces. Sometimes she comforted herself with that image after a particularly grueling session in the inteorrgation room, although it was one that she’d never be able to turn into reality. So many plates had lost their lives in this room because of Asher Burke. Bianca examined the broken pieces with a critical gaze before turning back to Felix. He’d found a plate of his own, although he held it loosely in his hands while he mulled over her question. The expression on his face was familiar, painfully familiar, as he worked through the problem.

The questions were familiar, but his conclusion? That you had to take what you could get, any way you could get it? That was new, a call for more tangible action than Felix had ever been capable of in the past. He smashed the plate against the counter, and Bianca had to stamp down the flare of interest as she watched. It was only because she was missing Cade, she reminded herself, and whose fault was that? “I don’t know if I agree,” Bianca finally said, moving to grab another plate. She didn’t smash this one immediately either, feeling the painful twist of her heart as she remembered everything that had happened recently. “There’s evil in this world, and it deserves to be punished. Or brought to justice.” Bianca bit her lip at the nuance, another new development from this year. “I suppose that isn’t the same thing. I don’t even know which I want anymore.” And the next smashed plate on the floor was for Felix, and this stupid mix of indecision and fear he had injected into her veins all those months ago.

It occurred to her that Felix knew Asher too, had worked under him for several years and even reached some sort of camaraderie. She supposed it must be easier for men, and not being subjected to the torment of Asher speculating exactly how she’d gotten her promotion. She hadn’t spoken with Felix about any of the aftermath of Hogwarts, ostensibly because Bianca simply couldn’t find the time. But he’d been a student at Hogwarts too, and he was facing the public shaming of the Ministry and Asher Burke’s betrayal as much as every other Ministry worker right now. No wonder Felix must think of her as cold and uncaring. Everyone must think that of her. She’d been avoiding reading the Daily Prophet, because James had warned her about some of the op-eds and because she couldn’t help but search for Cade’s name whenever she opened the newspaper. “I don’t just want to watch,” Bianca said suddenly as she finished processing the advice Felix had just finished giving. “I can’t just watch and do nothing. There’s always a way to keep fighting…isn’t there?”

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Felix grinned at Bianca's response, simple as it was. Something electric twinkled in her eye, a more mischievous glint than he had seen before. What had drawn Felix to Bianca in the first place was the fathomless depth he sensed to her - someone who seemed if not flat, at least explainable on the outside. Felix had learned quickly through their first and subsequent meetings that she was one to be challenged, to continue to strive for greatness, to turn the darkness of the world and bring it into the light. Felix admired Bianca, perhaps more than he had ever done before.

Flinching, Felix decided not to mention his boss - his former boss, rather - in the presence of Bianca. He knew she'd taken Asher in for questioning, and that it had been revealed that all along, he'd been a member of the Purifiers. Felix had been floored by the revelation. And while he didn't typically approve of violence, a controlled setting such as this would have to be a compromise. Felix was just glad that he wasn't on the receiving side of the plate that Bianca held in her hand, her knuckles white with the tightness of her grip. It shattered into a dozen misshapen pieces, and Felix delicately picked up a plate of his own as he mused over the frivolity of the truth. That so dissimilar to his opinion of six months ago, they had to take what they could get lest it disappear forever. With that chilling thought in mind, Felix brought the plate down in a fluid motion, smashing it against the counter top.

"This is actually sort of theraputic," Felix admitted, glancing from the remains of the plate to Bianca, a smirk slowly stretching across his lips. He watched as Bianca picked up another plate, and Felix crossed the room, searching for something. At last, he plucked a thick, wooden-handled broom that had been tucked between the refrigerator and a storage cupboard. "That may be true. Evil takes root when the good man does nothing," said Felix, bringing the broom down over his leg and snapping it in two. Merlin, that had hurt. "Wonder if that thing wasn't meant to be broken," he mumbled, mostly to himself.

"You're never going to be the sort of person to sit back and watch. I think we both know that. But sometimes, things are out of your hands. Sometimes, you can't fix everything." Felix pulled a glass out of a cabinet, placed it on the counter, and took aim with his makeshift bat. He swung at the glass, which flew across the room and shattered against the opposite wall. Felix tilted his head slightly, a crease forming between his brows. "You're too hard on yourself. You can't be in a thousand places at once. Trust me, all the time turners were destroyed," he replied with a smirk. "So your challenge is to find the things you can control. The things that are possible. And focus on those. Not everything else."

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

This was one of the places where Bianca came to be alone. That was such an odd thought, because it seemed like she was always alone these days. She could always rely on Leo, and he had stayed through the more turbulent bits of her life that had sent other people running. The connection between them was easy, and the similar situations that they came from meant that she didn’t have to justify her reactions around him. But she didn’t see him much anymore since her promotion, besides the occasional drink or movie night (or both). And her other friends, if they were close enough to be called that – she didn’t see them much either anymore. But the rage room was always where she’d come to relieve the worst of her frustrations, and the decision to bring Felix along had been more impulsive than anything else. Bianca didn’t know how he’d react – if he’d go running the way most people might, and the way he had all those months ago straight into another woman’s arms.

But, she couldn’t deny, he was taking it all in stride – and Bianca begrudgingly returned his smirk with her own satisfied half-smile. “Everyone needs an outlet,” she observed as Felix smashed his own plate, and her eyes followed the trail of broken shards as they settled on the floor around him. Her gaze lifted to study him again, and she was struck with the realization that despite how close they’d become in such a short period of time…there was still so much she didn’t know about Felix. What was his rage room? Where did he go to let out all the stress and tension inside him so it wouldn’t tear him apart? She wasn’t the only one with darkness in her life, and as angry as Bianca thought she should still be – she wasn’t anymore. He’d lost more than most in these last few months, but he could still philosophize and follow her lead in smashing plates and glasses like he wanted to keep living past his loss.

Bianca pursed her lips as he informed her that she couldn’t fix everything. Merlin, she wanted desperately to be able to contradict him – but he was right. And it was a somber truth that she’d discovered in the last month. She couldn’t be everywhere at once, couldn’t control everything so it went the way she wanted. And the thin illusion of control she’d been holding onto? That had gone down in flames around her along with Hogwarts. Felix’s last words were almost a challenge, and he must know the way that lit a fire inside her. Daring her to move past the failure and focus on what was possible. Bianca made her way across the room slowly until she was standing in front of him, chin raised up as she locked gazes with Felix.

“Trust you?” she echoed, her gaze fixed on his light gray eyes. Since they’d started his Occlumency training, Bianca had entered his mind countless times. Between the months they’d been together and those intense sessions, she’d gotten a new understanding of how Felix worked. A deeper one of where he came from and why he’d made his choices like he had. “I do," she decided, "Even though I know you wouldn’t tell me if your department was making new time-turners.” She scoffed slightly but felt a little more warmth enter her tone. She was tired of blaming Felix for what had happened, tired of being so fixated on what had happened and every way she’d failed to succeed. Bianca let her hands ghost over Felix’s as she gently pried the makeshift bat he’d made from his hands. She tapped it lightly against his chest as she creased her brow in determination. “But I choose what’s possible. And I’m nowhere near done with the Ministry.”

She had to admire Felix’s ingenuity as she turned away and flexed her hands experimentally over the broom handle he’d snapped off. Then she slammed it into the nearest open cabinet door, and again for good measure as the hinges squeaked and snapped. Bianca had always been able to find problems with the Ministry, but she’d found herself furious at the other department heads lately. They were frozen in place, happy to hand the blame and responsibility to Law Enforcement while they avoided the costs of the public’s outrage and fear. She didn’t know how to move forward, and it felt like Bianca was making all her moves in the dark and simply hoping for the best. She turned back to face Felix and leaned against the countertop, her breathing already heavier from the job she’d done on the cabinet. “I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what I want anymore,” she confessed – the Ministry only half on her mind at that admission. She shook her head slightly, and felt her voice lower to a murmur as she continued to think aloud. “Tell me I’m going to get through this. Tell me I won’t break into a thousand pieces if I try.”

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Felix was immediately frozen by the intensity of Bianca's gaze. Though they had become intimately involved so quickly, the way that she looked at him still gave him pause. He wanted to break into that beautiful mind of hers, but knew that she was an excellent occlumens. All those days and nights they'd spent together, training, resisting, remembering... Bianca had steadily become an incredibly important aspect of Felix's life. Felix knew that he had been scared, petrified really, of the surge of emotions that overcame him each time he saw Bianca. He had fled from it, for fear that he would end up hurt. Instead, Felix had done the hurting. By marrying a complete stranger on a complete whim, Felix knew he had crushed his relationship with Bianca. But wasn't it better that way? To not have gotten in too deep only to have their hearts broken at some point down the line? Because in the chaos of the universe, there was no such thing as a happy ending.

Felix noted that Bianca couldn't fix everything, despite the power and spite and hopes that she could. She was a force of nature, the most beautiful and the most terrifying being he had ever met. And yet something was always more powerful. Something turned the cards of fate, played a game of dice with their lives. They were such a tiny pinprick of light in the entirety of existence. But their chapters were no less important. In the book of everything, each word counted. Through strife and struggle, they would find if not joy, at least some level of peace.

Bianca's dark eyes were intense as she caught him in her gaze, and any hope of response fled Felix. The intensity shattered at Bianca's joke, and Felix chuckled. "No, I wouldn't," he admitted with a sheepish grin. "But you can trust me. As you know. And I trust you. I put my mind and my heart in your hands countless times, and well... I've definitely fucked up some, but here we are right now." Felix dropped Bianca's gaze at that, not wanting to stir up memories too painful for him to address right now. Being in this room, letting himself go with Bianca... well, Felix felt more alive than he had in weeks. He twirled the makeshift bat in his hand, his grey gaze flitting about the room for something else to destroy. Bianca's hands ghosted over his own, warranting a shiver down his spine. In that moment, Felix knew he was her slave. He was under her thumb, completely enraptured by her. She took the bat and tapped it lightly against his chest. He released a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "I think the ministry is in for a wild ride," he managed, nowhere near as thoughtful as he would have liked to be.

Felix watched Bianca like a hawk, soaking in every moment. She admired the bat curiously before swinging it once, twice info a cabinet. She was like a thunderstorm, a tornado, a whirlwind of rage and something that seemed almost like desperation. and when Bianca turned back to him, there was a pleading edge to her voice. He wished he could peer into her mind as she had done with him so many times before, but her expression lent itself to sadness, and her next words came out in a rush. "Then think about what you need," said Felix, closing the distance between them and placing his hands firmly on her shoulders. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met. What do you need, Bianca?" asked Felix, his gaze searching her own.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

It had been a full month since Bianca had felt like anything close to okay, but exchanging ponderous thoughts with Felix about the universe brought back a sense of normalcy. She’d never considered herself the kind of deep thinker that spent all their time studying the world without ever fully joining it – Bianca would never have a successful career in the Department of Mysteries – but she supposed she must have been internalizing some of the lessons she’d learned over the years. Felix knew how to tease it out of her, and he’d shown his talent for that in the very first time they’d ever spoken to each other. It wasn’t the kind of argument Bianca could see herself having with anyone else, because how many people really questioned if they had any power in their lives or if they were at the mercy of something bigger?

But Felix thought about it, and that meant Bianca had started too. After a while, his arguments had started to become repetitive and Bianca had come to the conclusion that people couldn’t really change. There were just some facts of the world that never changed – thestrals had wings, the Brazilian Quidditch Team were the most talented flyers in the world, and Felix would always believe that there was no meaning to their dim lives. So hearing him admit out-loud that there was still a point to all this – even if the impact of their lives ended with them – threw her off-kilter. It made her wonder about things she’d accepted as true and false…about him, about herself, about the Ministry.

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little at Felix’s admission that he’d fucked up some (understatement much?). The anger had dulled into annoyance, but Bianca didn’t think she’d ever be able to ignore that prickle of frustration at the thought of how it had all ended. She was used to ending things when it started to get too personal, and she supposed in a sense that was how it had happened with Felix too. But she wasn’t used to nursing a broken heart, or the knowledge that Felix hadn’t been willing to fight for a relationship that hadn’t quite existed, but might have. Could have, with the right push. “I might have had it for a while,” Bianca said casually, avoiding Felix’s gaze at his mention of putting his heart in her hands, “But it never stays long in one place, does it?” She supposed that was harsh, but she wasn’t feeling too generous at the moment. And she was unwilling to reminisce, because that would only take her mind to a dangerous place.

Smashing the cabinet helped release some of the tension in her chest, but she still felt too tightly wound for comfort as she lowered the makeshift bat. As Felix closed the distance between them, Bianca felt her breath catch as his hands came to rest on his shoulders. It was the first time he’d touched her in months, and she was standing close enough to see the light flecks of green in his eyes. There were times when she could almost imagine Felix was as solid as a mountain, steady and unmovable. But really he was more like a storm at sea, with all the intensity of a tempest in how he looked at you…but flighty, something that would pass and leaving you with the knowledge that he would be gone soon enough. He asked her what she needed with the burning intensity of someone who wanted desperately to give it, and Bianca instinctively brought her hands up to ghost over his – but to push him away or pull him closer, she didn’t know. She closed her eyes and sighed slightly, soaking in the warmth of their close contact. She hadn’t had that for a while.

When she opened her eyes again, she didn’t meet Felix’s gaze immediately. His words were so heavy, his tone so fervent. “I need to know someone is on my side,” she finally breathed. The world was unfair – she’d always known it, but the last month had reminded her of just how much it would continue to take from her. It didn’t seem to matter how hard Bianca tried to do the right thing, because there was always a price to pay. The court of public opinion was impossible under normal circumstances, but now she felt a thousand pairs of eyes on her and like she had no allies. Nobody who cared about her. She finally glanced up, gaze locking with Felix’s and his stormy gray eyes. “Have you missed me, Felix?” she whispered, one hand sliding down his chest until she could feel the rapid rhythm of his heart. The same fickle heart they’d just been discussing, even if she couldn’t quite remember it in this moment.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

In the rage room with Bianca, there were so many things left unsaid. So many apologies they both were owed. Felix, for fleeing before he could make a proper go of things. Of running away because Bianca made him face reality rather than continue with his head in the metaphorical sand. And Bianca, who held onto her resentment like a vice, even when they had always just been a what if. Felix admitted that he had given her his mind and his heart, but it had been difficult, and it had been hard. And Felix just hadn't been ready. The daunting prospect of someone who challenged him was ultimately too much to handle. A flippant dalliance was more his speed. And that had cost him much more than he had anticipated.

In reality, he had claimed to do it to get the taste of Bianca out of his system. To forget her. But Felix had done it because he was afraid of what commitment to such a fiery, bold woman would mean. He couldn't go back and change his mistakes. He was well aware of that. But he could remind Bianca of the woman she had been, and always would be. Not someone who was cowed under pressure, but the strongest woman he knew. "I never claimed to be pure of heart, Bianca," said Felix at last, with a wry smile. "I'm a man, pure an simple. One who never knows what the future will be. Will never know if the pain and trepidation now will be worth joy in the long run. After all, do I even deserve that?" he asked, arching a brow at her in challenge. "Does anyone? Deserve anything? Or do we just take what we can get, and fuck all the consequences?" he added, twisting the stick in his hands as his gaze dropped to the ground.

How desperately did Felix want to be what Bianca needed? He knew it was wrong. Especially in that he'd ultimately been the one to push her away with a thoughtless gesture. His stormy gaze landed on her, silently begging her to let him back him. Was it foolish? Overwhelmingly. Was it terrifying? Incredibly. But in the moment, Felix knew that it would be worth it. He had done wrong, and he wanted to make amends. What did she need? Was it him? Was it a warm body, or could it be the meeting of the minds, the passion that they had shared for so long. Finally, Bianca breathed out a response and Felix swallowed thickly. Somebody on her side? "I am on your side," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

And then she was before him, her fingers trailing on his chest, her voice a low purr as she asked if he had missed her. "So much..." Felix found himself saying, without consciously doing so. "Every day, Bianca. I have missed you," he murmured, watching her as she watched him. Her hand hovered over his thumping heart, her dark eyes finally meeting his. Tentatively, he covered her hand with his own, his fingers curling around hers. "I've missed your touch..." he murmured, taking half a step closer to her, the broken stick dropping to the floor, forgotten. "I've missed your quiet intensity," he added, his other hand drifting to her shoulder as he brushed a lock of dark hair behind her back. A moment's hesitation, before his thumb grazed her bottom lip. "And I've missed your taste. I've missed you, Bianca."

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca had never really liked to entertain the ‘other’ option, the what ifs and unresolved questions of life. It wasn’t conducive to her work, to pushing forward towards success, and she was nothing if not practical. No, her philosophy had always been rather clear-cut in that sense. She was ready to blast away obstacles and point her wand at the most immediate threat in the room – and the questions, the clarifications, that could come later. If only so she could provide a complete report for her captain and avoid that pesky little slap on the wrist. But ‘doubt’ had never really been in her vocabulary, and the nature of her work meant that it could be dangerous to dwell on your decisions or second-guess yourself. Especially in the field. She’d let that strategy guide her for a while, and there had been no moral crises or questions of conscience in the job. She followed the rules (mostly), put bad guys away (with an impressive arrest rate), and went to bed without ever wondering if she’d done the right or wrong thing.

She supposed her father’s death had shaken that sense of certainty for her. That was when the doubt had first started to creep in, the questioning suspicion that maybe Bianca had gone back to work for all the wrong reasons, was doing the job for the wrong reasons. Not to right wrongs or protect the weak (which was the tagline of ever Auror ever) – but maybe just to prove a point. About herself, about the system she worked in, and could that be called anything except selfish? And then Felix had crashed into her life like a stunning spell she hadn’t been prepared for. Bianca hadn’t wanted intimacy in her life, really. It wasn’t part of the plan, the big five-year plan that Bianca faithfully worked towards, and there hadn’t been any room for surprises in her carefully organized black-and-white world. Her work was her life, and people were just a distraction. A complicated distraction, really, because they always left in the end and what did that do for her?

So she hadn’t been ready for him to be anything but an occasional phone call. Her go-to when she couldn’t ignore the thick crackle of electric tension, when she just needed to take out her frustrations against the world and dig her fingers into his back and rip his pants off. Bianca couldn’t track the exact moment when she’d first noticed all that changing. Only one day she’d woken up and realized that they were together most nights a week and they had the deepest conversations she’d ever had in her life and she caught herself thinking about him when she was at her desk or on a patrol. And then Merlin help her, he'd all but admitted that he was falling for her. It had stolen her breath away in a panicked rush, sent her spiraling into a vortex of fear and uncertainty -- fight or flight in its worst form. And unlike her usual tendency to stand her ground, plant her feet, and take out her wand...Merlin, they'd both gone running, hadn't they?

No, Bianca had never quite found herself questioning the ‘what-ifs’ until she’d met Felix. His tone was cynical as he questioned what he deserved, what anyone deserved, and his gaze searched the hardwood floor for answers as he wondered. “I have to believe that we all get what we deserve. Eventually.” Bianca’s answer came after a few moments of introspection until she'd landed on the only answer she could accept, but she still avoided his gaze as she said it out-loud. It sounded an awful lot like her religious mother speaking, the guilty Catholic that prayed and pondered about heaven and hell and where everyone deserved to go. But that only brought up unpleasant memories – because Bianca’s mother had firmly decided where magic and witches belonged, and she must still spend long nights praying for her daughter’s soul – and Bianca didn’t think her thoughts on the subject came from there anyway. No, it was much simpler than that. Like always, the inspiration was from her father. There had to be some justice somewhere, even if it didn’t work in a straight line. “If there’s no such thing as right or wrong…and there’s only what people want…” Bianca paused, sighed a little, and continued, “Then I don’t want to live in that world.” She knew Felix didn't believe in destiny, and she'd never subscribed to the concept either. It wasn't fate or destiny -- just a series of small behaviors that eventually added up to a big consequence.

Still, she couldn’t help but question if she deserved this, what was happening to her now, this feeling of being in the darkest place of her life. Hogwarts was in ashes. One of the Ministry’s top officials had been convicted of practically every black law in the book, and there was a strange atmosphere of tension and fear around the Ministry and the magical community. People were scared, and they were looking for scapegoats so they could feel better. Bianca was receiving so much attention (a little good, some bad), and it felt like shit to know that her (ex? former fwb?) – to know that Cade and his newspaper was responsible for a good portion of it. Did she deserve this? For not knowing sooner, for not arriving before? Bianca didn’t really know anymore, couldn’t seem to escape her own head about whether she’d done the right thing or not. She’d never wanted so badly not to be alone, to leave all her worries at the door and be with someone who wouldn’t judge.

And there was no doubt that Felix was here, standing in front of her now and ready to believe her, and it made her blood burn to hear his whispered words. I am on your side. An Auror was always trained to follow their gut, and Bianca knew the words were as sincere as the spark in his eyes. She could feel every point of contact between them, the way his hand covered hers and his slow and hesitant movements as his fingers grazed her face. Her lips parted and her eyes locked with his as a sharp exhale left her. Bianca knew there were unresolved issues between them. An anger that hadn’t quite faded, a tendency to run and cut ties when it got too personal. But she didn’t remember it now, she could only know what she was feeling and what she wanted. “I miss the way things were once,” she whispered, her body completely in the moment even as her mind remembered a simpler time of her life. When she hadn’t had so much responsibility on her shoulders, and when things with Felix had been an exciting unknown (and not a definitive black X that couldn’t happen again).

Bianca felt an internal resistance crumble, and she knew exactly what she wanted in the moment. The same way she’d known on New Year’s Eve, the same sense of certainty she felt inside her when she looked at Felix. Bianca’s hand curled into his robes and she leaned in, capturing his lips in a searing kiss. She didn’t want to feel, she didn’t want to question, she didn’t want anything but the familiar sensation of being completely wrapped up with him. Bianca’s kisses were insistent, demanding, and she pushed his shoulders roughly until she had Felix backed into the makeshift kitchen counter they’d been in the process of destroying a few moments earlier. There was a thick knot of tension in her chest and Bianca was desperate to reach that explosive point of release that she knew Felix could give her. No strings attached, nothing except the lightning connection between them that they’d found from their very first conversation.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Bianca's reply hung in the air like a cloud - the sort of cloud full of rain, but without letting a drop fall. Anticipation curled in Felix's stomach as his mouth twisted in a frown. "Then all we deserve is eventually to die," he replied acerbically, though his heart wasn't really in it. Bianca had changed him, for better or for worse. Felix thought it was for the better, that she had opened his eyes and forced him to see. That hope was the most precious thing any of them could have.

Felix twisted the broken broom between his fists, finally meeting Bianca's eyes once more. A world without right or wrong, without consequence... was that really something that he wanted? It could go so poorly, but it could also erase so much pain. When meaning was stripped from reality, what was left? Felix couldn't speak on it. "No, I don't suppose you would," said Felix quietly, his stormy gaze searching hers. Bianca's driving sense of good and evil, black and white, right and wrong had drawn an electric string between them. They were opposing forces, bound to one another and for what? Pleasure? Pain? To be pawns in the great game of the universe? Felix wasn't so sure. But whatever it had been, it wasn't anymore.

Or so he thought. The tension between the pair grew to a fever pitch, and Felix found himself speaking words that he had so often shuttered in his mind. That he had missed Bianca. That he was on her side. That he would be whatever he could for her. No wrongs, no rights, just a moment. A moment that they could live in and replay time and time again in the darkest hours of the night, a moment of company in the form of a memory. She was before him then, and Felix couldn't find it in himself to step away. He didn't want to. Her small hand hovered over his heart, which was beating a tattoo inside his rib cage. Her proximity stole his breath away as his eyes dropped to the lips he had claimed as his own so long ago.

And then Bianca was kissing him, as surely and soundly as if the world had righted itself and the universe sighed in relief. Felix reciprocated earnestly, dropping the now forgotten broom and wrapping his arms tightly around her middle, drawing her to him as if she was the air he needed to breathe. Bianca clutched his robes and Felix craved her closeness. Her taste washed over him, like a mountain stream that he'd forgotten was his favourite place. What was Svalbard when he had Bianca in his arms?

Felix twisted so that Bianca was between himself and the counter, and he easily lifted her to sit there. As he had done all those months ago in his own kitchen, after burning toast so thoroughly it was unrecognisable. He nudged apart her knees, stepping in and drawing her so close to him there wasn't a hairs breadth of air between them. When he was dizzy and drunk from her kisses, Felix drew away only slightly, pressing his forehead to hers as his breath came in sharp pants. His fingers curled in her hair, the electricity between them palpable and crackling. He couldn't think of a single thing to say, though there was only one thought that pounded through his mind. "I want you," he murmured, his lips ghosting over the curve of her neck, dropping kisses onto the exposed skin of her shoulder before stealing a further kiss from her sensual mouth.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

There was a secluded spot, hidden among the silent glaciers and steep cliffs of southern Chile, that looked like a pillar of stone jutting into the sky. Like it was the closest point to heaven and the lights in the sky from the frozen and packed ground under your feet. And when you climbed that pillar and suddenly felt the ground vanish into air as you leaped off – right before the fall there was something else. That second when you were completely suspended in the wind, feeling the air in the sky meet the air in your lungs and you could almost believe that you were flying. That you’d completely separated from the earth and the stone and it was just you in the middle of nothing.

Felix pulled her closer as his lips covered her own and Bianca felt all the air escape her as he began to reciprocate. Her mind was dizzy like she didn’t know if she was flying or falling – only that the electric spark had turned into lightning and sent volts down her spine. His kiss was searing as she felt her hands roam over his shoulders, his neck, his hair, hard and demanding as she pulled him to her and felt the way he responded so quickly to her touch. They moved together without thought, matching and falling into the movements of an old dance that they’d perfected over months as he effortlessly lifted her onto the counter. It was like the first time all over again when she’d been desperate to know him and discover his body with her lips and teeth and tongue. Follow the blush down his chest and keep him locked between her legs until she felt that knot of tension in her chest explode into waves of pleasure and relief.

As he pulled away, a strangled moan escaped her at the sudden stop to their hungry kisses. Her legs curled around his hips, keeping him in place as the tip of his nose brushed her own and Bianca felt the warmth of his breath on her face. She was too far gone to consider anything like separating or stopping, not when the hard planes of Felix’s body reminded her that she hadn’t been touched in a month and he’d rekindled this needy fire in her chest that wanted more. She needed Felix more than she needed to breathe, needed him so close that there was no space at all between his body and hers. His words stole her breath away, and Bianca’s mind scrambled to drop back down to earth and find something, anything, she could say. Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt the soft pressure of his lips on her shoulder before she tilted his chin up and kissed him insistently again. Pulling away slightly, only the barest bit so Bianca could open her eyes and shoot Felix a desperate burning look, her hands pushed Felix’s robes insistently over his shoulders and then continued their path down his chest. “Take me,” she demanded, surrendering herself to the moment and banishing all thought of anything else, of ‘after’ to the back of her mind. The world had narrowed down to him and her, a whirlwind of electric tension reaching its fever pitch.

FELIX CICERO TELLER
[Fade to black and end…?]

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

The strangled sound Felix pulled from Bianca's lips broke the last bit of hesitation between them. He claimed her mouth, kissing her with a feverish ferocity that was so unlike him. His ministrations and movements were sure and confident, each shift of their bodies like a dance they'd memorised. Felix lost himself in Bianca's taste, scent, touch, a slave to her desires.

There was a distant pounding that brought the pair to their senses some time later. The worker was spitting mad - the rage room wasn't to be used for that sort of activity. After promising to ban the pair, Felix led Bianca from the building, snorting with uncharacteristically light laughter. It wasn't over. He wasn't nearly finished with her yet.

[end]