heart shaped liar | vivian

[Albus Severus Potter]

don't speak too soon.

THE OWL WAS VAGUE BUT INSISTANT ENOUGH that Al had no choice but to answer its demand. The contents went as such; Potential case in Hogsmeade Feb 14th - Cautionary detail requested by Supervisor. Stall 6.4, attend 9am sharp. Robes and pin required. Al's name was scrawled below, along with a very convincing replication of his Supervisors signature and the auror departments official stamp. He had no reason to question it.

Arriving in Hogsmeade at eight-thirty, Al was equipped with his official red auror robes. Pinned in place by his identification badge. He'd come early to order a coffee and sip it while scoping out the area, only to find that all the typical shops were closed and only stalls and stands could be found serving patrons along the main street. He'd been forced to order a coffee called a 'cappuccino-your-heart' which had been handed to him in a paper cup covered in floating pink cupid hearts. He felt sick, the realisation that it was Valentine's Day hitting him like an Unforgiveable. He suddenly wished he'd ignored the request entirely, walking with extreme caution to the stall he'd been called to secure.

Al should have known, really. He didn't typically receive orders to his home address. And he hadn't been present when it had been delivered, so hadn't seen if one of the auror's official messenger owl's had dropped it off on the kitchen counter. He'd just found it, addressed to him among the other scattered letters on the Friday.

The stall he'd been called to was adorned with frilly pink paper and lots of paper hearts with alternating messengers proclaiming love and happiness. A very plump, very old woman was sat behind it knitting an anatomical heart. "Oh!" She practically screamed after looking up to find Al loitering by the obscene table and the sign that read 'Eat your heart out! Edible Love Heart Sweets - five - ten a-piece! 3 and 6 sickles. 2 sickles more for personalised messages!. "Have you been sent by the Heavens to help?" She asked him with a merry tilt of her head. "I was told to expect you at nine, it's not even a quarter til, my boy!"

Albus was speechless. She didn't look worried at all, not his typical panicked victim of crime. She struggled out of her seat, setting her knitting to one side to hobble over and clasp his hand between her wrinkled, arthritic fingers. "Um-" He hummed dumbly, swallowing around a dreadful knot in his throat. She was having him on, surely. But no, she was nothing if not sincere. "Do you need help?" He asked hopelessly. "I'm an auror, they sent me..." He trailed off, not really knowing why he'd been sent. Cautionary, was all that it said. "Yes!" She squeaked in answer, still gripping his hand, her skin thin and oddly soft. "Yes, indeed, indeed, my boy!"

That was how Albus found himself led very firmly behind the stall where the lady's chair and her knitting lay. Sat behind it was a very large box filled with various coloured candied hearts. "You see, it's my eyes..." She sighed sadly. "I haven't the sight, nor the fingers for spellwork these days." She let go of his hand, as if to draw attention to her gnarled fingers. "They said they had a volunteer for me, to charm the hearts." She grinned up at him with such an open sincerity that Al hadn't the heart to tell her that wasn't what he was there for. "Oh, don't look so frightened, my boy, it's a simple charm."

And with that, she took a scoop of candied hearts out of the bucket and set them in a bowl on the table. Very astutely, she led Albus through the simple spell work to charm letters onto the edible hearts and bag them in gossamer pouches at five a piece, ten for special requests. Things like 'love me dearly', and 'ethel be mine'. "That one is for me," She winked her watery eye at him when he completed it, popping the candy in her mouth and rolling it around her sagging cheeks. He winced, but forced a small smile, still wondering what on earth he was doing. He felt utterly duped, but completely unable to deny such a sweet old witch. He was a whole scoop down by the time they were interrupted. 

Vivian River Jordan

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Vivian River Jordan]

14 February 2028

Viv had been awake since the crack of dawn – but there was nothing that could wipe the satisfied smirk off her face. The ‘I have no regrets’ look, the ‘I know exactly what I did’ look. She’d been waiting for the payoff for ages, for that one second that everything would just come together…but wow. So worth it. Anyway, waking up with the sun had nothing to do with that. Viv Jordan still had to work, after all, to keep her show hip and trendy and right up there at the top where it belonged. While that meant the occasional fun and daring assignment – special cursebreaker episodes in the pyramids, cooking shows featuring Potters and excitable nifflers, and of course last week’s singing tulips that had scared the fur right off Drizzle – well, it also meant that Viv had to put in her hours just like everyone else.

The Valentine’s festival had been the buzz of the entertainment world for the last few weeks, and Viv had done her due diligence. She and her crew had arrived ages before the event started to help with the set-up, interview stall owners, and advertise some of the kooky (and absolutely adorable) ideas that had cropped up this year. Handing off a rather large and cuddly heart-eyed Giant Squid to a first-year (who looked rather queasy at the thought of parent/teacher conferences up at the castle), Viv sipped on her ‘I-Love-You-The-Mocha’ and chattered excitedly towards the camera as she pointed out the live fairies leisurely reclining in a nearby stall.

Drizzle, of course, was perched on her shoulder and hadn’t stopped chirping since she’d spotted the fairies. Vivian had enchanted her fur to be bright pink for the festival, although only because the puffskein had thrown a major tantrum after seeing a woman’s bubblegum-pink hair (and she’d only quieted down after Viv’s Transfiguration charm and several good cuddles). But as lovely as the whole festival looked – the soft pastels, light music wafting through the air, and scores of happy couples wandering through the Wizard village – that didn’t have much to do with Viv’s high-level excitement, leaving the girl practically vibrating as she shooed away the cameras and unpinned her microphone.

It had all been part of a plan, see. A devious piece of work from her and James, to honor the Valentine’s season and their shared love for getting under Al’s skin. The execution had been rather simple – simple because her partner-in-crime happened to share parents and a house with the target, and because Albus could be rather gullible. Unfortunately so when you considered the people in his life. And the candy hearts had been Viv’s idea, a neat little callback to Al’s role in school when they’d all been at Hogwarts – passing on love notes to James from his numerous admirers. So it seemed fitting to doom him to volunteer duty at the candy hearts booth.

Viv strolled casually through the stalls, a suspiciously innocent look on her face as she kept her eyes peeled for the Auror’s blood-red robes. Her lips curved into a smirk as she spotted the deeply-uncomfortable boy enchanting little hearts, and she immediately diverted course so she could approach the booth. “Well, isn’t this just the cutest thing,” she cooed, her eyes lighting up at the sight of another job well done. Her gaze drifted down to the handful of ‘love me dearly’ hearts neatly bundled on the counter and it took everything inside her to badly stifle a laugh. “Didn't peg you for the hopeless romantic type, sprout,” Viv observed gleefully, hands folded innocently behind her back at the sight of Albus Potter sulking during a forced volunteer shift at the love festival. Her fingers itched to grab her phone and document such a historic occasion.

Albus Severus Potter

[Albus Severus Potter]

don't speak too soon.

HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, REALLY. AL MIGHT have even entertained kicking himself when it dawned on him. It was so artfully done, so carefully curated to waste his bloody time. Alas, it wasn't until he lifted his head and found one Vivian Jordan facing off with him behind the stall he'd been shackled to, that the clues started to fit. At first, he'd frowned. Feeling a fizz of embarrassment at being caught doing something so utterly fluffy in his professional attire. And then she spoke, and the record scratched, the blood flushing out of his face.

"You..." Albus drew in a sobering breath before he erupted. His eyes flitted over to where Ethel was whistling a merry tune, a new sweet already in her mouth as she folded the gossamer pouches. "Vivian Jordan," He greeted, once the urge to hex her over the table left him enough to consider that perhaps he was paranoid. "You don't look surprised to see me..." A thin, grimacing smile pinched the corners of his mouth.

Al's brows lifted and he flexed his fingers against his bucket of candy hearts. Inside, the unmarked hearts lay in a sugary pile. Outside, the small collection of hearts he'd charmed pitifully. 'You're O.K', said a couple. There were at least a dozen with 'Valentine's Day' very lamely scrawled in their heart center, along with a close second of 'Feb 14th x'. Al reasoned it was a good thing Ethel couldn't see very well, or she'd start giving him lessons in romance. "Please..." Al lifted his gaze once more, firming his resolve as Vivian beamed meanly at him. "Tell me you had nothing to do with... this." He gestured to the stall with a jut of his chin. 

Vivian River Jordan

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Vivian River Jordan]

She really was an incredibly generous person, all things considered. Viv had shot down the idea to send Albus to the kissing booth, or to be a singing valentine along with the cupids that had gotten hired for the day. The idea was tempting, but the whole point had been to find the perfect torture for Al without letting it get too out of hand. He might’ve forgotten, but he did have free will and therefore the ability to say no once he'd discovered where exactly the letter had sent him. But she really had to congratulate herself on a job well done, because here he was – decked out in his full Auror robes, miserably carving out cliché messages on enchanted hearts with a scowl on his face. Viv beamed at him as he bit back whatever harsh words he’d been about to say. They'd had shouting matches in public before (who could ever forget?) but he seemed temporarily deterred by the presence of the booth's owner hovering nearby.

He did cut quite a figure at the candy hearts table, she had to admit. All the traits that had given him the look of a surly tween at Hogwarts were much better suited for an Auror – stone-faced intensity, quick and deliberate movements, a sort-of piercing look in his eyes like he could see something you couldn’t. She might almost have been impressed, almost if not for the look of disgust on his face for the candy hearts he was clutching rather tightly in his hands. But then again, he'd always been allergic to good vibes. “Albus Potter,” she said cheerily back, pronouncing each syllable clearly so there wouldn’t be any uncertainty about which unfortunate Potter had fallen into her and James’s trap. Viv wanted desperately to snatch up her phone -- this could be the Potters' Christmas card for the next three years running -- but it was important to keep the illusion of innocence going for at least a teensy bit longer. Milk this as much as she could, after all.

His statement was accusatory – oh yeah, he definitely suspected something – and Viv’s eyes widened as she put on a little show of shocked innocence and pointed at herself. “Who, lil ole’ me? Drizzle and I are here to film a piece on the festival for Potterwatch. Surely you don’t expect me to have anything to do with Ministry business?” She gestured vaguely at him and his blood-red robes, like it was a completely normal thing for the Ministry to send its law enforcement agents to volunteer at Valentine’s day activities and she didn’t see anything suspicious about it. Sipping her coffee, Viv’s crooked smile returned rather quickly as she glanced over his work. Raising an eyebrow at the rather pathetic ‘You’re O.K’ hearts he’d enchanted, she quickly snatched one up and flashed it at Albus with a badly stifled laugh. “Bloody hell Al, what's this? Haven't you ever flirted with an actual human being before?”

Albus Severus Potter

[Albus Severus Potter]

don't speak too soon.

'MERLIN, SHE IS OBNOXIOUS', was Al's first and sharpest thought. Vivian had always had a way about greeting him, matching his energy with just enough faux cheer to sour his mood. And sour it she did. Her voice sending a shiver of disgust down his spine as he realised exactly why she had come. She'd stitched him up, well and truly. He dropped his handful of candy hearts, fingers curling into fists as he scowled over the table at her. She pled innocence, her eyes too wide, her smile to angelic. Al was no clairvoyant, but he knew a stitch up when he saw one. It reeked of Jordan, the classic kind of prank she'd took part in with his older brother since as long as he could remember. He hoped her coffee was terrible. Though, his eyes did briefly drift to Drizzle. She squeaked happily, but he couldn't quite break his scowl for her from so far away. He dropped his head with a huff.

"Right, as if I would ever volunteer for this willingly." He grumbled, glaring down at the candy hearts. "I know it was you." He hissed, eyeing Ethel nervously as he leaned across the table and smacked the candy heart out of Vivian's hands as she inspected them. He knew they were terrible, but he wouldn't let her stand there and ridicule him. "Keep your hands off the merchandise!" He told her, flinching when his raised voice drew Ethel's attention.

"Oh, do we have our first customer?" She croaked, cheeks pouched with sweets and good old fashioned cheer. Al made to brush her off, but paused momentarily when a thought occurred to him. A wicked, vengeful thought. "No, Ethel, actually Vivian here has come to volunteer as well!" He said with a large, painted grin. He rounded the table and grabbed Vivian's shoulder with one hand, his other stealing Drizzle from her perch. The ball of fluff jumped in excitement, nuzzling the juncture of Al's neck and squeaking happily. "See, I'm no good with the catchphrases, so they've sent their resident, tooth-aching presenter to give us a boost." He squeezed Vivian's shoulder just a little too tightly.

"That is... that is wonderful!" Ethel stuttered, her eyes looking big and glassy. She sniffed once, a hand on her heart, before snapping out of her reverie all too quickly. "Means I can go on and get a look at the competition." She grinned wickedly, moving from her perch to give Vivian her space. "I'll be back later!" She crowed, waving a gnarled hand as she took a handful of sweets and toddled away from her precious booth. He'd never seen her move so fast. Not... Al's... preferred outcome. "Don't you dare leave..." He warned her with a sharp look. Al put a hand over Drizzle, leaning away as he effectively kept her hostage. She didn't seem to mind. 

Vivian River Jordan

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Vivian River Jordan]

The only thing better than stealing a glimpse of Al’s failed attempt at a love note was watching him slap it out of her hands. The candy heart went rolling across the table but Viv barely noticed, since her barely-stifled laughs finally erupted into full-blown giggles as her eyes went roving for more awkward messages. Drizzle chirped from her shoulder, and Viv patted her absentmindedly even as her mind raced ahead to the next part of the conversation. To think up that next clever quip that would leave Albus fumbling and saying something stupid like ‘hands off the merchandise.’

She only shrugged her shoulders at Al’s next accusation, sending Drizzle swaying dangerously for a moment, since she couldn’t really deny anymore than she might’ve had a small, tiny, eensy-weensy something to do with his being here. Whipping out her phone, Viv snapped a quick pic of Al glaring at her and pocketed it quickly before he could think up any bright ideas like trying to snatch it. “We all gotta turn our boggarts into something, ‘ey?” And since Slytherins didn’t have the reputation that Ravenclaws did of catching on to the joke, Viv added hastily with a cheeky smile, “That’d be you, sprout. But hey, at least you aren’t that mascot bloke at the entrance. Although fancy that...think you could pull off clown shoes?” She left that question dangling as her fingers reached for another candy heart, still unengraved and looking rather sad.

Everything was going perfectly…which is when it all started to go wrong. Viv’s mouth dropped as several terrible things happened at once. She didn’t quite manage to shrug Al’s hand off her shoulder (truly, the nerve!) before he’d already snatched Drizzle off her perch and into his grubby little hands…and then Viv’s outraged gasp hadn’t even fully escaped her before the worst words ever came out of his mouth. “N-no wait…” she stammered, her thoughts racing too quickly to put into words as she helplessly watched the booth attendant scurry off. Her back was straight as a board, eyes wide with horror as she processed the last thirty seconds and Al's quick revenge (not to mention Drizzle's treachery at looking entirely all too happy to be kidnapped), before Viv’s glare turned full force onto Albus and a cooing Drizzle on his shoulder.

“You’re dead to me,” she seethed, not even sure if she was talking to the puffskein or to Al’s infuriating smirk. Her face flushed at the mortifying thought that she could either walk away and abandon her pet for dead…or spend time alone with Al at a Valentine’s Day festival. She couldn’t even decide which option was worse. Viv took a deep breath, fished around in her pocket for one of her favorite peppermint candies, and turned her back as her mind raced to examine the booth. But it only took a few seconds for all the pieces to fit into her mind. Viv straightened, put her hands on her hips, and turned her nose up in the air as she turned around to face Albus again. “Alright then, since she left me in charge now, you’d better surrender the puffskein and get back to work! You've got lots of happy couples to bring together.”

Albus Severus Potter

[Albus Severus Potter]

don't speak too soon.

THE SCATTERING OF A DOZEN CANDY HEARTS filled the air, but Al made no attempt to salvage them. Keeping his head miserably bowed as Vivian's snickering developed into a full scale cackle. He felt himself hot around the collar, feeling manipulated and utterly foolish. Vivian had a way of bringing that side out of him, and how he hated it. He tied the string on his latest bag and set it down in the bucket with a bit more force than necessary as Ethel's attention was drawn toward the mischief.

Her cruel joke only lanced as it landed, because Al found his brain ticking over as he imagined his revenge. He gave a short, pursed smile, before turned and sailed Vivian down the river right alongside him. Ethel was only all too happy for the extra pair of hands, using it to scamper off and give herself a free afternoon. Al should have been bothered by the abandonment, but he was far too pleased with his ploy. He ran a very delicate finger down Drizzle's fluffy chest, practically preening with satisfaction.

"We all gotta turn our boggarts into something, right?" Al mocked Vivian's previous taunt as he turned his shoulder out of her reach. Drizzle was only all to happy to stay with him, squeaking as she nuzzled into the side of his neck, which itched something terrible. He refrained from flinching, turning back toward the table to push the bucket of unmarked hearts in Vivian's direction.

"Uh- I don't think so!" Al barked, grabbing the back of Vivian's robes and pulling her back. He kept his shoulder just out of reach as he nudged the bucket in her direction. "The puff stays with me, Jordan." He warned her, scratching the puffskein in just the right place to have it vibrating happily as it tittered. "You either take your share or..." He wrinkled his nose in thought, his mind reeling over every cruel comeback he could think of. Eventually, he settled. "Or the puffskein comes home with me." He lifted his brows, transferred Drizzle to his opposite shoulder and stood by Vivian's side. "First customers yours." He told her with a jerk of his chin, 

Vivian River Jordan

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Vivian River Jordan]

Viv’s mouth dropped at the sheer audacity of Albus Potter parroting back her own line at her like he was some kind of genius and not just a plagiarizing troublemaker. Drizzle swayed happily on his shoulder, which only doubled the insult and set Vivian fuming. It was the ultimate betrayal, her two worst nightmares come alive and taunting her in a public setting where she couldn’t do a single dang thing. How did it come to this? Viv gripped her coffee tightly, but she’d lost all desire to take a sip. The peppermint candy sat in her mouth like a stone and even the familiar soothing scent couldn’t stop the angry butterflies in her stomach.

“You’re a twat,” Viv fumed. She usually put more effort into dressing up her insults and delivering them in some kind of witty, if not somewhat cruel, joke. Albus always seemed to bring out that side of her, and gave a sharp edge to her otherwise spotless humor. But she was too worked up now to think up anything clever to say and her hands tightened into fists – one by her side, the other clutching her coffee like she was imagining Albus’s neck there instead. She turned to leave, absolutely ready to make Albus do all the work while she supervised his sloppy candy hearts. But his hand on her robes – which was absolutely some kind of red line, since he’d never touched her before – sent her shoulders up to her ears while he pulled her back.

She whirled around to face him, pushing her coffee somewhere off to the side while she raised a finger at him. It didn’t give the same satisfaction as pulling her wand out might have done, but she wasn’t that far gone. Yet. “I don’t know where all this bloody confidence is coming from, but I’m not one of you mindless Ministry drones that just do what they’re told.” It was absolutely infuriating to see how he’d angled his body so she couldn’t just snatch Drizzle back, and the smirk on his face boiled her blood. Viv opened her mouth again, ready to shoot off another dozen tirades in the next half-minute, but the arrival of two eager people in robes (and holding hands – Merlin’s saggy spellbooks, what had she gotten herself into) made her shut it quickly.

Viv took in Albus’s satisfied posture for one more moment before her own face settled into a grim smile and she whirled around to face the couple. They seemed to have recognized her, if the gleeful whispers were anything to go by. “Hi, welcome to Cupid’s fave hangout! You two are so lucky to be the first customers, we have such a cute special happening right now.” Viv rushed her words so Al couldn’t stop her from what she was about to say. “If you choose your own message for your beloved, while I’m writing it on the candy heart, our lovely Hit Wizard will write you an original poem starring those heartfelt words! There are never too many ways to tell someone you love them, am I right?” While the couple ooh'd and aah'd, Viv turned to shoot Albus a victorious look and stare him dead in the eye. She rolled an empty candy heart around in her palm and smugly let him absorb the little hint of James she'd brought up. “Isn’t that brilliant?”

Albus Severus Potter

[Albus Severus Potter]

don't speak too soon.

FOR ONCE ALBUS ALMOST FELT LIKE HE HAD THE upper hand. Pulling Vivian back towards the table, watching the way her shoulders hunched up around her ears as she fumed quietly. It was a good look on her, he decided. She turned on him in a flash, and he had the good grace to turn his pursed mouth into a smirk as he crossed his arms and turned his shoulder out of her reach. Drizzle chirruped, reacting to the tension in the air, but he turned his cheek into her fur and she relaxed some. Meanwhile, Vivian pointed a finger at him and he had to bite the inside of his mouth to stop himself from outright grinning.

"I guess you just bring the best out in me," He retorted, blinking at her as her face went taut with frustration and anger. 'Ministry drone', he thought with an internal snicker, but it lasted only long enough for two customers to come skipping up to the stall. Hands clasped and cheeks all pink with the 'power of love'. Al felt sick, his good humour fading as quickly as it had come. He was, after all, still stuck manning a Valentine's booth with Vivian bloody Jordan.

That simpering, smug voice was all too familiar to Al. He tensed in anticipation, reaching up to bury his hand in Drizzle's fur in an attempt to keep his composure. "Uh- ha, no-" He attempted to protest, but the googly eyed couple were already cooing about how 'wonderful' and 'romantic' an idea it was. How they'd happily pay extra for the poem.

Albus cleared his throat, and screwed his face up at Vivian when she flashed that horrible little smirk at him. He carefully tore a piece of pink tissue paper off the table and patted around in his robes until he found a self-inking quill that he kept there for statements. "Uh..." He blinked down at the paper, avoiding the expectant smiles of the couple and carefully turning to discreetly step on Vivian's toe in retribution.

"What's your names..?" He asked with a curled upper lip. Though they remained unphased as they reported that they were Jill and Ulrich. Using a discarded piece of cardboard to lean his tissue paper on, Al took the quill and stood for a good handful of minutes as he tried to think of the least offensive thing he could write. Eventually, he scribbled something quickly and rolled it up. Attempting to hand it off to the couple without Vivian inspecting it, like the lech she was. However, much to his horror, Jill unrolled the torn piece of tissue paper while beaming and started reading it out loud. He went so red, Albus was sure his ears were steaming.

"It's Valentine's, a Monday morning, too./Jill's got brown hair, and Ulrich's got the blues./If they don't break-up before Friday, I'll eat my puffskein's stew." Somewhere around 'break-up' and 'stew', Jill had lost that smile and Ulrich looked so shifty, he thought they might turn and leave without paying. "I'm a beginner..?" Albus said while scratching the back of his neck. He refused to look at Vivian, though he felt her razor sharp eyes tearing holes in him. He snatched her pouch of candy hearts and practically threw it across the table at them. "Right, bye." He said in a hurry. 

Vivian River Jordan

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[Vivian River Jordan]

Viv continued to fume silently as Albus comforted Drizzle and basically kept holding her puffskein hostage. The little traitor settled down quickly and Vivian's eyes bored into her like she could levitate Drizzle through sheer force of will. Albus's smug statement didn't do anything to calm her down and Vivian had to bite her lip to keep herself from speaking. She definitely wanted to bring something out of him, like his guts or still-beating heart (the brain wasn’t possible since someone had Vanished that a long time ago). But it was a pretty weak comeback and Vivian knew she was better than that. He could force her to get caught in her own prank and spend the day with him at a bloody Valentine’s festival, but he couldn’t take away her last shred of dignity by having her trot out a half-baked retaliation to his infuriating smirk.

Instead, Viv pulled out her wand in dignified silence so she could trace some heartfelt messages into the blank candy hearts for the eager couple. Al looked utterly mortified at the thought of having to scribble out a poem, and Viv took smug satisfaction in the look on his face as she carefully bent over the brightly colored candy hearts. She wasn’t even bothered by the sharp pain from Albus placing steady pressure on her toe. No, instead Viv quickly retaliated by poking out her elbow as if she wanted to change the angle of her wand until she felt it connect with his ribs. “Sorry,” she said sweetly as she pulled her elbow back and stepped away so he couldn’t get at her feet in retaliation. The bitter taste of defeat in her mouth slowly began to wash away as she found herself enjoying the sharp flavor of the peppermint candy again.

Her eyes followed the path of the poem from Al’s hand to Jill’s with disappointment, but she sensed an opportunity as Jill began to unwrap the torn tissue paper (really, did Al have a single romantic bone in his body?). Nobody was watching her as Viv pulled her phone out of her pocket and discreetly hit record, keeping the camera fixed on Albus’s steadily reddening face as Jill’s voice floated in from off-screen like narration. As ‘puffskein’s stew’ rang out and faded into the awkward silence, Vivian quickly stuffed her phone back into her pocket before Albus thought to look at her. But he seemed busy burning a hole into the ground while his cheeks still looked as red as if he’d just eaten ten Pepper Imps.

It took every ounce of self-control that Viv had, every bit of patience that she’d accumulated from years of dealing with irritating producers and high-maintenance interviewees not to give into her instincts and burst out laughing. Instead, Vivian tied a pink ribbon around the bag of ‘CRAZY 4 U’ hearts she’d just finished engraving – which Albus immediately launched at the couple like he was trying to send it to space. “Er, enjoy the rest of the festival!” she called to their backs as Ulrich shoved some sickles at them and all but fled the scene. Vivian counted one, two, three seconds before she figured they were out of earshot.

“It’s a mystery why girls don’t just fall at your feet,” she said nonchalantly, trying hard not to laugh but not sure she’d succeeded in keeping it out of her tone. Like okay, Viv had figured the poetry would be bad – but she’d have thought that years of handling James’s love letters at school would’ve given Albus plenty of opportunities to see all kinds of poetry in action. But as usual, he acted like he’d never encountered or interacted with another human being before. And he wondered why he got teased so much. “The next couple’s got to hope you get better with practice, sprout,” Viv continued, unable to stifle a snort as she gleefully contemplated how many couples would pass through the booth. Vivian fished around in her pocket for another peppermint sweet. No one could say she didn’t bounce back quickly from defeat, and her mood was much brighter than it had been a couple minutes ago. She just needed to get her hands back on Drizzle and then she could still count this day as a win.

Albus Severus Potter