Boat (Shiloh)

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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As she talked, it felt good to go through the motions with someone other than her siblings. They were all in the same position as she was, each battling emotions about their father that were complicated and varying from one another. He hadn’t been easy to deal with even at the best of times, and she knew that they were all treated differently for reasons she still wasn’t positive on. All of that aside, having an adult that actually cared about how she was feeling and processing everything felt nice. She hadn’t had that from anyone outside of her siblings ever.

”No,” Shiloh answered about taking any potions currently. She could do with a nightly dose of Sleeping Draught though. Not enough to become reliant on it, of course, but to help over the next few weeks until she could ease back into sleep naturally again. Because the lack of it was definitely starting to affect her throughout the day. There was no reason she should be almost face planting into her sandwich at lunch or relying on her classmates to prod her awake in the middle of class. But it was happening, and she was still struggling to find a way to knock herself out every night.

Just thinking about it made her yawn, the exhaustion of the day and the previous night’s restlessness already taking hold of her. There was no way that Madame Macmillan couldn’t see how horrible of a state she was in currently. ”Maybe I should,” she said after a moment. ”Do Sleeping Draughts require parental permission? Because I don’t think my sister has full custody of me yet in order to make those decisions…” Shiloh added, remembering in her tired state that there was still more to be done as the estate was sorted out. It felt awful having to suddenly be ‘taken in’ legally by her siblings. It made her feel like a burden, even if they didn’t see her that way at all. Supposedly it would be set in stone soon. For the time being, Shiloh was technically adult-less and considered a ward of the state, or something to the tune of that.

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

Shiloh replied that she hadn't been taking any potions, and her yawn afterwards made it all the more apparent. She, too, mentioned that maybe she should take something, though she had one main concern. "Do Sleeping Draughts require parental permission? Because I don't think my sister has full custody of me yet in order to make those decisions…"

"It shouldn't be a problem," Parvati reassured her. "You're studying at NEWT level, so you're considered to be of age here now." Although Shiloh was still under seventeen, that no longer mattered quite as much. With how Hogwarts had been revamped, students were considered to be of age as long as they had completed their OWLs, which Shiloh technically had by virtue of her studying at NEWT level, even though she'd been back at Ilvermorny for the previous academic year. That the Flemings were American anyway added that in as another factor. For nightly use, however, she wouldn't need anything particularly strong, and nothing that would cause any international issues; the poor girl just needed a sleeping potion.

Seeing as the age consideration was a relatively new development for everyone, that had the potential to get Shiloh caught in some unnecessary red tape. With that in mind, Parvati added, "I'll do what I can if the Hospital Wing are hesitant to provide you with it." Shiloh was dealing with enough as it was. "Getting a good night's rest won't fix everything, but it will help," she told her. "And you can always go back to your dormitory in between lessons if you need to have a nap or a cry."

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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Shiloh had forgotten that some of the age laws had been changed recently. In her home country, she still wasn’t, and in the no-maj world, she still had varying amounts of time. All of it was so frustrating and honestly the least of her worries right now. Whether or not she had ‘the trace’ glued to her really didn’t matter. Madam Macmillan was right though, she was of age and a NEWT-level student. So much responsibility put on an orphan that still had to be taken care of by her older siblings. Which was a whole other thing, and Shiloh disagreed on parts of that. Legally speaking, did she need a guardian? Yes. Was she more mature and level-headed at times than her siblings? Also yes.

But getting that Sleeping Draught sounded really nice too. Anything to knock her out without having to think about life too much. The only part of that she was worried about was growing too accustomed to it. She had read articles about people that relied on the draught nightly, and it became more like an addiction than anything else. The increase in potion eventually led to the taker getting to dangerous levels of consumption. Being addicted to Sleeping Draught before she turned eighteen would be the best way to honor her parents.

”Okay…thank you,” she said after a moment’s pause. This was going to take a while to get used to. Not that she wanted to feel this way forever, but it was going to be the new normal for the foreseeable future. At this realization, Shiloh leaned back into her chair and let out a long exhale. That had been happening a lot lately too. Every time she woke up, the first thing she did was breathe out an exhausted sigh before getting out of bed. And the same happened as she got to class. Everything was so tiring. ”I’m not sure if this is the right way to ask…but does it ever go away? Because it’s all I can think about.”

parvati patil macmillan ● 339

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

Shiloh thanked her but then grew quieter, only to follow that up with a sigh. "I'm not sure if this is the right way to ask… but does it ever go away? Because it's all I can think about."

As much as Parvati wanted to be able to tell her that it would go away and that everything would go back to how it had been for her before her father's death, grief wasn't that straightforward. It would get better in the sense of improving; the pain wouldn't feel as raw eventually, but it would still be there. Parvati could confirm that some deaths stung even after decades had passed.

"Yes and no," she answered Shiloh, trying to be as honest as she could without worrying her. "You'll learn to process your grief, and it will hurt less," Parvati continued, "but it will still hurt sometimes, and that's perfectly normal." That didn't mean that she couldn't wish that everything would go back to how it was, though. After letting out a soft breath herself, Parvati went on. "Just like with the fire, you might find that certain things trigger emotional reactions, and you might not consciously realize what those are," she cautioned.

"Right now," Parvati advised, "try to take things one day at a time as best you can."

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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It felt strange to have the fire and her father's death out at the same level of trauma, but they very much were now that she thought about it. One was a fight to survive in an unknown situation, and one that not everyone made it out from, the other being orphaned. Trauma was trauma though, and for the first time in a while it was nice to not have to think about the fire. The downside, of course, being that what replaced it was far worse to her.

Shiloh listened quietly to Madame Macmillan explain the process, if one could even call it that, and nodded her head to show she understood. This sort of grief was definitely different from what she'd had before, both from the fire and when her mom disappeared. The latter she could chalk up to simply not being old enough to understand and being led on that there was a chance she could return some day. Now she knew that wasn't the case.

Thinking back to right before she received the news, aside from a few tiny worries while at school, the fire had sort of become a back seat in her day to day thoughts. School and friends took precedence, as they should, and away it went. The looming realization that she was never going to see her dad again though? That was what had been keeping her up at night. Even with all of his faults, in which there were many, it was never going to be the same again. Moving on from that felt impossible right now. "Its just hard..." Shiloh said after a moment of mentally chewing on everything. She knew it wasn't going to be easy and that there wasn't a 'solution', but struggling day in and day out until she had days where she forgot about it sounded horrible to her right now.

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