Boat (Shiloh)

[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

Although Hogwarts had changed in its physical and educational structure, Parvati's role as Head of Gryffindor House and the school counselor largely had not. There were more staff members than ever to handle the more minor issues that cropped up, but she was usually in some meeting of some sort. Whether it was for administrative matters as one of the members of the High Council or for meeting with students about personal matters, Parvati still kept busy, even without Elaine Dupree and the Purifiers in the picture.

One of the more recent tragedies within the Hogwarts community had been the death of the Flemings' father. She wasn't as familiar with the family because they were American, but she knew that the children's mother had gone missing years before, which left them essentially orphaned following the death of their father. Only the youngest of the siblings was still at Hogwarts, though, and fortunately she was studying at NEWT level by that point.

Still, Parvati doubted that Shiloh Fleming's being old enough to do magic outside of LIFE was much consolation where the death of her remaining parent was involved, and she had arranged to meet with the girl following her return to her studies. While Shiloh had the support of her older siblings, that didn't change that the situation was a delicate one. She had the notorious difficulty of NEWT-level classes to worry about on top of processing her grief, and the least that Parvati could do was offer her some support to ensure that she stayed on track academically without sacrificing her mental and physical well-being.

Parvati's office was no longer exactly the same as it had been before the fire, but she had tried to keep the spirit of it. In place of the velvet chaise longue that she had previously, she had decided on a plush velvet sofa that was arguably more comfortable than what it had replaced. She had more space than in her previous office, too, and she had filled some of it with the addition of a coffee table as well as her desk and chair. To keep from traumatizing anyone all over again, Parvati no longer burned incense but had switched to using a spray bottle of lavender essential oil. It was more calming—maybe slightly more somber—and hopefully someplace that people still didn't dread coming.

Knowing that it must have been a tough week for Shiloh already, and unfortunately recalling that feeling all too well because of Shreya's death, Parvati had checked the girl's class schedule in advance to try to ensure that she wouldn't feel rushed in their session. It wasn't a guarantee, especially when the LIFE students had more freedom to do what they wanted, but she wanted to be conscientious.

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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Despite only a few days passing since she'd arrived back at Hogwarts, it felt like it had been weeks already. The days were long and dragged on, her brain still feeling like it was caught in a noisy buzz. School was supposed to be a distraction, at least that was what Shiloh had convinced herself of. It worked during class periods or when she was tutoring, but not in the quiet morning hours or the middle of the night as she stared blankly at the canopy of her four-poster bed. There were intermittent moments where she was glad that she had decided to continue to board at Hogwarts for her last two years. Had she not, there was a very real possibility that she would have been the one to find her dad, not Eli. A tiny voice in the back of her said that it would have been better that way, to spare her brother the mental trauma he was clearly going through. They were all suffering in different ways, but she could see the haunted look behind his eyes.

Because of that, the school had reached out for therapy with Madame Macmillan. Shiloh had gotten some help while back at Ilvermorny for the rebuild year, mostly regarding the fire and what had happened, but this was supposed to be different than that. She refused to not get help; after watching enough no-maj tv shows, she didn't feel bad about getting the assistance she needed. Apparently self-awareness of that was good. But the results remained to be seen until after a few sessions.

Today was a Tuesday, a free day for her, and the buzzing had been a lot louder the night prior than it had been in a while. Telling herself to hang on just a little longer had gotten her through a few hours of restless sleep, though looking at herself in the mirror the next morning it was hard to tell that she'd actually gotten any at all. Permanent purple marks had formed on her fair skin, and she was amazed that her eyes weren't perpetually puffy and red still.

Approaching the office and double checking the name placard was correct, Shiloh knocked a few times before trying the doorknob, cracking open the door slightly so she could poke her head inside, "Hi, Madame Macmillan? It's Shiloh Fleming. Sorry if I'm a bit early..." If five minutes counted as early.

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

A few knocks at Parvati's office door were followed by the sound of the doorknob moving, which was itself followed by the sound of her office door opening slightly. Standing so that she was visible but not fully through the cracked door, Shiloh Fleming greeted her and apologized for having arrived early.

Parvati didn't mind that Shiloh had arrived a few minutes earlier for her session than the time for which it was scheduled. With students, scheduling was always a bit of a gamble. Some of them arrived far earlier than expected, while others showed up late or not at all. As long as they were patient and respectful about having to wait if she was in the middle of something when they got to her office, Parvati wasn't bothered if students decided to show up early. If fact, it was preferable to having to make sure that they hadn't forgotten that they were supposed to meet with her or that something hadn't happened in the meantime.

"That's alright. Come in, Shiloh," Parvati encouraged her, already seeing that the young woman looked the opposite of well-rested. "Would you like some water or tea?"

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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Entering, she was surprised that it wasn’t much different from the counselor’s office at Ilvermorny. Personal touches aside, it definitely had the air of being a welcoming, relaxed place. Somewhere where it was okay to talk about not feeling okay. Shiloh recalled having seen the madame around Hogwarts a few years prior, having never really seen the need until she was back home to seek any sort of assistance. But here she was, hoping it would at least allow her to come to terms with everything and maybe get a few extra hours of sleep each night. She really didn’t need much. Being able to keep her eyes open through lunch was all she was asking for.

”Tea would be great, thank you,” she answered politely, though knew it wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as it could have been. There were times over the past month where she momentarily forgot, though never when she really needed to the most. Like during those long, silent hours in the middle of the night, or while trying to write a paper for Potions class. The concentration she needed simply wasn’t there anymore.

Taking a seat in what she assumed to be her chair, she waited comfortably for the tea and the session to begin. She had sent an owl back to Ilvermorny to have her meetings there, about the fire, sent over. While she really didn’t care about that nearly as much anymore, she figured Madame Macmillan would be appreciative of knowing everything that had been going on. There was a whole lot of loss in such a short period of time, and it felt like she was getting beat back down right when she started to feel a little better about everything.

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

With so many students who had attended other wizarding schools before coming to (or returning to) Hogwarts, picking up where they had left off at other institutions wasn't always straightforward. In Shiloh's case, however, Ilvermorny had been kind enough to send over the records from her counseling sessions there. While that was helpful in establishing where Shiloh was mentally following the jarring circumstances under which she had gone back to Ilvermorny from Hogwarts, there was obviously far more to address with her father's passing.

The first thing, though, was to get Shiloh the tea that she had requested in response to her question about the same. "Of course," Parvati confirmed. She first summoned a mug into which she poured water from the tip of her wand and then heated, setting it on the table for Shiloh. She then got out a selection of tea bags in a wooden tea caddy that she set beside the mug of water, giving Shiloh multiple options from which to choose, along with packets of sugar. "I can have milk or cream brought from the kitchens if you'd like," she added. Shiloh could prepare her tea how she wanted it, and they could ease into their conversation at the pace with which she was most comfortable.

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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Shiloh wasn’t sure how the tea was going to be prepared, but it definitely was the way that Madame Macmillan did it. There had been a number of different ways she had seen tea pots magically heated, levitated, and controlled over the years, yet this was a new one. Eyes widening as she watched the water pour into her cup and then begin to steam, she was amazed by all of it. This was so much easier than what she imagined it to be! Had the point of today not been to talk about her life as of late, she felt like she would have immediately jumped into questions about the simplicity of the spells used. It completely differed from her normal outlook on magic, as enchanted mundane objects was sort of her hobby. Skipping over that entirely was mind blowing.

The wide array of tea presented before her was equally as baffling, and she stared hard at it for what felt like forever. She had no idea what most of these were, though the faint aroma of various different leaves wafted up from it. ”I prefer it without, but thank you,” she gave the woman a weak smile before plucking what looked to be a black tea. She liked hers strong, usually keeping it in for the entirety of her drinking it. A Hogwarts student had called her a heathen during her first week there a few years back. Apparently stronger wasn’t always better despite it bringing what she thought was a lot more flavor.

Dunking her tea bag into the steaming mug, she peered into it as the water slowly darkened. In a few minutes, after it cooled off a tad, she’d give it a taste test. ”Errm…” Shiloh shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she tried to figure out where they were going to start today. Was two weeks even the proper amount of time to grieve before getting right back into therapy sessions?

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

After Shiloh had gotten situated with her tea, politely turning down the offer of milk or cream to add to it, she didn't seem sure of what to say. Frankly, having conversations about grief wasn't easy for Parvati, either. She had gotten used to having them, but she didn't like them any more than anyone else did. The problem was that sweeping those sorts of difficult feelings up under the carpet wasn't helpful. Countless times, she had had to remind people that grieving looked different for everyone.

"You can talk as much or as little as you'd like," Parvati gently reminded Shiloh. "My job is to make sure you're supported here at Hogwarts."

One of the good things about the way in which Hogwarts had been restructured was that the Heads of Houses and Head of Security all worked together to lead the school as a team. As Head of House for Gryffindor in addition to being the counselor, Parvati could raise concerns to her colleagues more swiftly. She had no doubt that returning to Hogwarts following the death of her father was overwhelming for Shiloh, but the young woman wasn't there because she was in trouble.

Parvati paused briefly and then continued. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to meet with you sooner," she noted. If she had been able to meet with Shiloh as soon as she had returned to Hogwarts, then that would have been preferable. At the NEWT level, there was only so much leniency that could be shown to the students, simply because of the importance of the qualification. "How have things been since you got back?"

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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”It’s been a month,” Shiloh weakly laughed. She wasn’t sure what there was to talk about at this point if there was anything. A lot of the last two weeks had been spent thinking about the same things over and over. Good memories, bad memories, the fact that she was never going to see her dad again. Her siblings had been there for her, obviously, and that helped buffer a lot of it. Almost too much if she was being completely honest. Shiloh knew it was out of good intentions and trying to soften the entire experience for her, but she didn’t need that. What was so wrong with trying to toughen through it? The real problem was that she also knew what would happen if she tried to do that for too long. Like with the fire, it would start to eat away at her eventually. It’d start with her sleep, giving her relentless nightmares and being forced to relive it all over again. That was why she’d ended up getting help while at Ilvermorny. And why she was here today too.

Starting off with how everything had been since she’d gotten back, which had been only a few days, felt better to her as well. As a way to ease into things. ”Good so far,” she responded. ”Before everything, I had signed up to help tutor potions, so I started that yesterday.” Which already felt like a week ago. Time didn’t really seem to flow the same while grieving, even weeks later. ”And it went well, so I’m sure I’ll be adding more of that to my schedule. While I was home, having distractions really helped. So I think as long as I can keep up with my classes and work, and now this, it will help a lot…” Until it was the dead of night and she had nothing left to distract her any longer. The same thing had happened with the fire.

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

Apparently unsure of what to say, Shiloh mentioned that it had been a month. Though she didn't elaborate, Parvati nodded. She knew what it felt like to know precisely how long it had been—what it felt like to count the minutes, the hours, the days and hope that it might be one minute, one hour, one day closer to bringing someone back to life. It hurt to lose track of that time; it was hard not to see it as a failure. Eventually, though, it happened. Time still passed regardless of how it was marked.

Upon being asked how things had been for her since she had come back to Hogwarts, the LIFE student's response was more positive. It had been good so far, she said. She had started tutoring someone else in Potions, and that had gone well for her. In fact, it had gone well enough for her that Shiloh was planning to continue to provide tutoring. That she had something to look forward to was helpful. "I'm happy to hear that," Parvati responded.

"While I was home, having distractions really helped. So I think as long as I can keep up with my classes and work, and now this, it will help a lot…" Shiloh went on to explain.

Parvati recognized that Shiloh wanted to keep busy. Having a distraction from grief wasn't a problem itself; it was when that became maladaptive that it was an issue. Regrettably, Parvati knew that from personal experience, too.

"And your professors have been understanding? No trouble there, I hope?" she checked. If any of her colleagues were being unreasonable in their expectations, then she was happy to step in and address that.

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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Everything was an assumption on her part. Shiloh knew that she could tell herself as often as she wanted that this was the way things were going to be from now on and that there was no way to go back and fix it, and that the thoughts would eventually creep up when she least expected it. For now, it seemed to be at night, when the day was done, and she was exhausted. There was no way for her to fend them off at that point. Sometimes it felt good to cry it out. Getting all of the feelings and emotions out was healthy, wasn’t it? Being here, getting therapy, was part of all of that too. That didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to struggle. And yet, she had committed to packing her schedule so tightly that she didn’t even have the time to think about it as often as she probably should have. It was never going to get easy, technically being an orphan now. Her siblings were still there for her every step of the way, and they were all in the same boat as her. She just didn’t have them available to her whenever she really needed them. Which sucked.

Madame Macmillan asked if the professors understood the situation, and she nodded her head. Thankfully she was a dutiful student, and they had been more than accommodating with everything that had happened. ”Some wanted to give me more time for papers and to catch up on readings, but I told them I was fine with what I’d been given so far,” Shiloh explained. That went back to the keeping herself distracted bit. If she suddenly had even more extra time to get assignments done, then she would spend all of the free space thinking. She didn’t want to think right now. ”There really wasn’t much to begin with. I was able to get most of my reading done while I was home for the…” she trailed off, looking down at the cup of tea clasped in her hands. For the funeral. She didn’t mean for it stop there, but she did. ”But yeah, I don’t think it will take too long to get caught up.”

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

Shiloh nodded when asked if her professors had been understanding. "Some wanted to give me more time for papers and to catch up on readings," she replied, "but I told them I was fine with what I’d been given so far." Since Shiloh was in her first year of NEWT studies rather than her second, she didn't have to rush her way through everything before her exams. If she needed that extra time, it wouldn't be as hard to provide her with it. "There really wasn't much to begin with," Shiloh continued. "I was able to get most of my reading done while I was home for the…" She didn't finish her sentence before moving on to the next one. "But yeah, I don’t think it will take too long to get caught up."

From even her own time at Hogwarts decades prior, Parvati knew that the assignments being given at NEWT level were hardly easy. She was concerned that Shiloh was trying to take on too much too soon without giving herself time to process her loss, though she wasn't the first student Parvati had met with who had taken that approach.

"The extensions will still be available to you," Parvati let Shiloh know kindly, "if you need to make any adjustments." It wouldn't hurt anything, and she wasn't trying to use her father's death for her own benefit. It also kept the onus from being on Shiloh to reach out to her professors.

More quietly, Parvati looked at Shiloh and spoke. "I know it isn't easy to talk about death, especially when it's sudden," she acknowledged, her voice empathetic. "What has been most difficult for you?"

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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More than anything, Shiloh was just tired of it all. Hearing people’s condolences over and over again, asking if she was okay and offers of opening up to others if she felt the need to. Madame Macmillan was a different case, obviously because this was her job. Hearing it constantly from her housemates was beyond exhausting though. In their defense, most really didn’t get it. What it was like to abruptly become an orphan without any given explanation. Sure, she had her siblings still and that had been the core of the Fleming family for years now. Shiloh rubbed at her nose as she tried to think of what to say next, because it really depended. Screaming that she just wanted to be left alone wasn’t really her thing either and would only prompt more questions of concern. The constant reminder that her friends were only inquiring because they were concerned was perpetually ringing in her head. Eventually it would stop as time passed and final exams became more important to everyone else. Or if a new flavor of the week problem cropped up.

Madame Macmillan’s continued empathy was welcome though. She knew how to phrase things so that they weren’t harsh or intrusive. The first thought that popped into her head was the one she’d had just a moment earlier: that she was technically an orphan now. ”I guess not having both of my parents around anymore…” she answered quietly. ”I kind of always assumed they would be here forever. But I haven’t even graduated yet…” The realization that nothing was forever had hit when Hogwarts was on fire, but never really set in until recently. Maybe that was her fault for holding onto hope for her mom to suddenly reappear all these years later. Or her siblings for perpetuating her fantasy. Either way, it was all coming to a head at once now, and that sucked.

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

"I guess not having both of my parents around anymore…" Shiloh responded, her voice quieter than it had been. "I kind of always assumed they would be here forever. But I haven't even graduated yet…"

Shiloh wasn't the first student at Hogwarts not to have their parents in their life, nor would she be the last. She also wasn't the only one at present, but that didn't mean that she had any less right to be upset. There were a million different explanations for why things turned out as they did, philosophically, religiously, and otherwise, but the shortened version of it boiled down to that it wasn't fair—and not only in the sense of unfairness that seemed to permeate adolescence. Death wasn't fair.

Parvati was sure that Shiloh had had some attention focused on her because of her having gone home from Hogwarts temporarily. It must have complicated matters that her father's passing hadn't come as a result of another high-profile tragedy. It made her loss more prominent, but there was also a chance that that some of her peers downplayed its effects because it "could have been worse" than what it was.

"There isn't an ideal time to lose a loved one, is there?" Parvati acknowledged softly. She didn't want to compound any academic stress that Shiloh was already under, but she'd had a point about how she hadn't yet graduated from Hogwarts with her NEWTs. "The important thing is figuring out how to grieve in a way that works for you. What has been particularly comforting to you lately?" she asked. Going back to a dormitory instead of being at home with her siblings, there were some comforts that probably couldn't carry over as easily, but Shiloh had a little more flexibility as a LIFE student who could perform magic outside of school.

shiloh elspeth fleming

[shiloh elspeth fleming]

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”Not really,” she shook her head side to side, eyes flicking away from the counselor for a brief second. Madame Macmillan could say that again. Though Shiloh assumed it would be a lot easier if the person as at the end of their life and simply drifted off in their sleep or something. Not a sudden, unexpected death of a middle-aged single father of four. Or the complete disappearance of a young mother. There wasn’t really any explanation for it, other than that it happened. Shiloh sort of figured Temp knew and was keeping the actual reason from her, but it really didn’t matter. At the end of the day, her parents were both gone and that was that. There was no getting either of them back, no matter how much she wished that would be the case.

The follow-up question was a good one, because Shiloh knew she had been doing some things subconsciously and they seemed to be helping. ”Well…at first it was just being with my siblings,” she said. The proximity was comfortable, even though they were all grieving together. It was because they all knew what the other was going through and didn’t need to verbalize it at all. The funeral had been the worst because of that. While they had already come to terms for almost two weeks at that point, those that turned up for the wake had not. Their grief was still fresh, at least publicly. That made it difficult to stand there and take all of it at once. ”But I think now it’s easier if I just put my focus on my classes. I don’t really think about it much during the day and when I’m busy. It sort of pops up more when I’m trying to fall asleep or on my own…” Having her ferret with her definitely helped, but it wasn’t like she could drag poor Squiggles everywhere with her. She wasn’t like that weird rat girl in fifth year that she’d seen in the common room a few times. That kid was strange…

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[parvati patil macmillan]

March 21, 2028

Shiloh explained that being with her siblings had helped her at first. It made perfect sense; they'd all just suffered the same loss, and they were each other's primary support system. Being away from them again must have been hard, though. Parvati wouldn't have blamed Shiloh if she had decided not to continue living in the dormitories at Hogwarts. (That was another benefit to the school as it was since it had been rebuilt: Students and their families were less likely to have to make the choice between a Hogwarts education and familial obligations.)

"But I think now it's easier if I just put my focus on my classes," Shiloh continued. "I don't really think about it much during the day and when I'm busy. It sort of pops up more when I'm trying to fall asleep or on my own."

What Shiloh was telling her wasn't uncommon, and Parvati understood it firsthand. With Shreya's death, if she hadn't had work rebuilding Hogwarts to go back to, she would have been in a very different situation. Looking at Shiloh, it was apparent that she hadn't had as much sleep as she needed. It was good to have time to process what had happened, but when that free time turned into the time that should have been devoted to getting a good night's rest, it was a problem. Shiloh didn't need her to tell her that, though, Parvati felt. She wasn't deliberately depriving herself of sleep.

"Have you been taking any potions?" Parvati checked. She wasn't a Healer, but Hogwarts did have them on staff. They could provide Shiloh with potions that might be beneficial to her if she needed them; she wouldn't need to go all the way to St. Mungo's for that.

shiloh elspeth fleming