the heartbreak prince (Toby)

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

4 March 2028

There was a dull humming noise coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once, bringing Amy slowly back to consciousness. There was an ache behind her eyes and she scrunched up her face, wishing she could fall back asleep. But as things often had been with her, once she was awake, she was awake. Amy’s body was sore all over, and she was uncomfortably warm. She cracked an eye, then closed it once more to prevent further harm to herself. She mentally took stock of her body. She wasn’t wearing a shirt, but she had managed to keep her knickers on through the night. She felt rather tender, and worry washed through her. Had she…?

No. Recollections from the night before trickled back to her mind, and Amy distinctly remembered Toby silently understanding her limits. After a bit of fumbling about, they’d both fallen into a deep sleep. Amy flushed scarlet, embarrassed both at her performance (or lack thereof) and how easy it had been to fall into this situation with Toby. Hadn’t she spent the last three months convincing herself they were just friends and it wasn’t worthwhile to risk potential heartbreak? It took only one night free of inhibitions to unwind all her hard work. It was tiring. Amy wasn’t sure she wanted to go on pretending.

Groaning, Amy pulled the duvet over her head. It was difficult to believe the circumstances in which she currently found herself - half bare in her best friend’s bed. Andrew would have a field day if he ever found out. Amy would be telling exactly zero people about this - and who would she tell anyways? Alora? That was laughable. Lulu? She couldn’t live the thought down. And who else was there? Amy had done a great job of messing up the one stable relationship she had in Scotland.

Amy curled into a ball, wishing the dull ache throughout her body would disappear. She was so tired, but wide awake at the same time. After a moment of feeling very sorry for herself, Amy poked her head out of the covers and looked over at Toby. He slept on peacefully, not a worry creasing his brow. Her heart skipped a beat, and she chewed thoughtfully on her lip. Should she wake him? Or let him continue dreaming?

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Sunlight streamed through the curtains of Toby’s bedroom as birds sang their morning songs outside the window. Toby slept like a log, face smushed in one pillow and hugging another. Toby was a deep sleeper and dreamer. After getting bitten he didn't dream. He had night terrors of getting lost while being chased through the forest, or the castle burning down with all of his friends and family in it. Last night he experienced neither but he definitely squirmed about. It had been a long time since he had a girl in his bed so he didn’t realize Amy was there in his unconscious state, until he felt movement on the mattress.

Tobys eyes groggily cracked open and he was hit with intense throbbing behind the eyes before he could process the world around him. He took a breath in and closed his eyes. He'd have to try that again. A weird buzz overcame his entire body and he felt weird. Not the good kind of weird like last night, but like his happiness was sucked from the day already..     

Memories of the night washed over him like a tidal wave, fluttering past his eyelids and heating up his skin under the duvet. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was blissfully running his fingers through Amy’s hair and body, kissing her until his world faded to black. Now it felt like they transported to another world. Where did all of the happiness go? At one point last night he was so high he was sure he could fly. Now he was slightly disoriented and very drained but when his eyes finally opened, he saw Amy.

A groggy smile slowly grew on his face. ”Hi-" he greeted tiredly, following with a slightly awkward, "’morning..” as he ruffled his messy bed head. As consciousness started to flow through him, he could tell that Amy was up and thinking by the way she was chewing her lip. "You okay?" Toby asked, wishing he could pull her into his arms like he did last night but he knew things wouldn't be that simple. 


AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

Amy's body throbbed unpleasantly as she swam back to consciousness. There was a long moment of confusion before she recalled the event of last night, bright patches of heat appearing across her chest and cheeks. She was glad of their restraint, but reluctant to admit that she had completely undone months of hard work just in one night. Her mouth felt full of cotton and her eyes were sore as well as her throat. She glanced down at Toby, who was still fast asleep. Amy considered rousing him, but instead found herself studying his face.

When Toby began to stir, Amy cast her gaze around the room. The duvet was an absolute mess, and they'd forgotten to close the curtains completely last night. Amy considered rising, but when she shifted slightly she knew the idea was a bust. She tucked her hair behind her ear, shifting her gaze so she looked down at Toby as he gave her a groggy smile. Amy returned his sentiment, though rather tightly. "Morning," she replied, her voice hesitant as she assessed the situation they were both in. Was he wearing boxers? Was it super inappropriate that she was barely clothed? She drew the duvet up to her neck as she sat up in the bed, covering the blush that had spread from her neck to her collar bone.

"Me? Oh, yeah. Fine," she murmured. "Just thinking," she added unnecessarily after a moment. "Um... last night was fun. You remember everything?" asked Amy tentatively, returning her gaze to him. Toby looked so adorably disheveled, it was a Herculean feat not to lean over and kiss him. "Um..." said Amy again, feeling her palms grow clammy with nerves. "I'm uh... I'm a virgin, Toby," she admitted at last, her voice barely above a breath.

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Toby sat up slightly, taking a peek under the duvet to see he was wearing boxers, which he expected because he remembered the night quite clearly, despite being very, very high. Amy asked if he remembered everything and he smiled shyly, ”Yes, I remember everything..it was amazing.” he nodded, watching her expression carefully as his jaw clenched. His memory flashbacked to her face when she looked at him with stars in her eyes before covering him with her mouth.

Toby felt tension between them, like Amy had something on her mind. He hoped she wasn’t regretting what happened between them the night before because he didn’t. He knew after last night everything would be a little more complicated, but he hoped it would be worth it.

His expression softened and he swallowed, preparing himself for a bomb of information. But instead, Amy shared that she was a virgin. And she looked nervous about it. His head cocked to the side, ”Oh…okay.” he answered with an awkward smile, more caught off guard at the timing of the information, though it made more sense now how she laid her boundaries while they were under the covers. His expression flickered with slight confusion and a hint of guilt. ”Uh-what’s the big deal?” Toby asked her softly, whiskey brown eyes falling to Amy in his bed which seemed like a dream in itself. 

AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

"Yeah?" Amy echoed, half desperate for confirmation, half questioning his persuasions. A bit of tension melted off her shoulders, but she still remained stoic. The words flew from her mouth before she could think too much about them, despite stumbling and stuttering over the information. She stared at him apprehensively, but Toby merely shrugged the information off. "I.. well, I thought you should know?" she offered tentatively, but the relief in her voice was evident.

Amy rubbed her face, feeling much more comfortable now that they were on the same page. "I feel very smelly," she admitted, throwing the covers off herself and sauntering off to the bathroom. The bathroom in which she had very nearly emptied the contents of her stomach last night, but thankfully had resisted. She revisited the mouthwash and splashed water on her face, though it did little to revive her. Amy's mouth stung, but still the cottony feeling persisted. She found a bathrobe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, and pulled it on. It was fluffy and warm, and smelling nicely of Toby. She took a surreptitious sniff of the collar, and hummed in approval.

Slinking back towards the bedroom, Amy leaned on the door frame and asked "Want some tea?" It felt right for the situation. And besides, Amy was determined to forgo the conversation they had to have at some point, and though her head throbbed, she kept herself busy. Without waiting for a definite answer, Amy retreated to the kitchen to put the kettle on. She had quickly learned that microwaving a mug of water was simply not the way things were done here. She prepared two mugs of tea the way Toby liked - she'd be trying something new, and if this leaf water tasted like shit, surely Toby would finish it off - and returned to the bedroom when she had nothing left to do. Amy slunk in like a pup with her tail between her legs, carrying two piping hot mugs of tea. She passed one to Toby, before folding a leg under her and sitting on the bed. "So..." she started, not sure where to go from here. And then, Amy sighed. "Oh Toby. What a mess."

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Amy quickly hopped out of bed and freshened herself up in the bathroom. His intuition was telling him that he didn't give her the reaction she was seeking. Toby rubbed sleep from his eyes, prying himself out of the warm bed to pull on some sweatpants. His head was throbbing, throat raw. They had a crazy night and the memories were all flooding back to him.

Toby could tell that Amy was trying to keep herself busy and away from her thoughts. Usually, he’d be the one to offer a cuppa but she beat him to the kettle. He took a moment to freshen himself in the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth. Toby felt exhausted, body worn, probably more tired because it was also the week of a Full Moon. A terrible time to plan a comedown.

While Amy was in the kitchen, Toby had a moment of reflection. He felt he may have reacted improperly about her sharing that she was a virgin. It was a big deal because it was sacred to her. And hours ago they had messed around a lot. He wasn't expecting that sort of information-bomb first thing in the morning while experiencing a comedown from hell. Nothing would ever make him think of her differently.

Amy returned from the kitchen with two steaming mugs. "Thanks." Toby accepted one of the mugs and sat on the edge of the bed. The tea was the correct color, exactly as he showed her. Amy looked concerned. Toby placed the mug on the bedside table, ”I’m sorry, Amy..” he apologized, squeezing her hand gently as he searched her gaze. Weird feelings were welling up inside of him. "That is a big deal, actually. I-I didn't mean to pressure anything last night if I did." Toby told her honestly, slightly worried as he thought back about the night. "Do you regret it?" he asked her, expression softening as his warm brown eyes watched her carefully. Hell, he was surprised he even asked! Their friendship was a mess and he knew it. Fuck.

AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

Amy trotted back into the room, holding two steaming mugs of tea. She passed one off to Toby, before observing what a mess they'd made. She cocked her head at Toby's immediate apology, confused. She opened her mouth to ask why he was apologising when he clarified. If Amy wasn't already scarlet, she'd turned an unpleasant shade of red by then. "I - shit, Toby - I didn't mean it like that!" said Amy hurriedly. She'd only announced her purity because it felt right to tell him, especially considering the previous night. "I only meant..." she paused, raking her free hand through her hair and tugging at the ends. "If... you know... we continued on like this..." she trailed off awkwardly.

Despite the warring between her head and heart, Amy did want to continue on like this. Forget the consequences, spending the night with Toby had sparked a passion in her she'd only found on rare occasions before, and only when she was experimenting with precious metals. "You didn't pressure me at all," she added. "I wanted to do it. I have wanted to do that for a really long time," Amy admitted. "I'm just kinda... scared?" she finished, her voice rising up at the end in question. Amy sighed deeply, and settled herself more into the bed.

"I don't mean it in a bad way, you know. You're the best friend I have here," said Amy at last. "Actually, you're probably the best friend I've ever had. You don't use me or like me because of my dad. You like me because you think I'm interesting and shit in my own right." At this, she looked up at Toby, meeting his gaze with a surprising intensity. "We spend so much time together. What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't want you as a best friend, but something more?"

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Toby watched Amy carefully as her lips moved. A bit of relief washed over him when she explained he misunderstood the purity talk. Redness started to takeover his ears and creep into his cheeks as he nodded understandably. The conversation was moving to something more vulnerable, his expression softened as he listened to her. His heart thumped in his ribcage, along with that weird humming feeling. Last night sparked a passion within him, he knew he couldn’t go back to pretending and lying to himself after the bliss they experienced together. 

Toby took a moment to respond because he was staring at Amy and the back of his eyes hurt. But Amy was sure a sight for sore eyes. Toby took a breath, carefully choosing his words. He had been waiting for this moment for so long, he wished he had prepared more. Hell, he thought the day would never come. His expression softened, ruffling a hand through his messy hair. ”But what if it does work out?” he challenged, taking her hand as he locked her intense gaze, ”We don’t have to self-sabotage over the ‘what ifs’, we can live in the now instead. There's no need to deprive yourself of something that can be wonderful..” Toby replied, a wave of emotions coming over him. The thought of losing Amy scared him but the thought of missed potential scared him much more. Toby missed many opportunities in the past due to his shyness, he wasn't going to pass this up. Even if his fear was her making him fall for her, and deciding to move back to California. But he was going to live in the now instead.

His whiskey saucers got stuck in her icy gaze, his heart swelling in his chest. He wondered if there was a chance they could be experiencing some sort of afterglow or if this was au natural. Toby shifted on the mattress, reaching forward to caress the side of her face, remaining sparks from last night sizzling as their eyes connected. ”Amy, I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. You make me feel alive. The first day I met you at Zonko's, I knew..” he confessed, an uncontrollable smile spread across his tired face. "I knew staying 'just friends' with you would be torture because I've wanted nothing more than to be with you...to learn every detail about you to prove how incredible I think you are." he told her, feeling like he was oversharing emotions but he had so much more to tell her. "We don't have to lurk in the dangerous in-between. We should be together." Toby said bravely, knowing if he didn't lay his feelings out now, he may regret it forever.

AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

Amy watched Toby suspiciously, her lips pressed into a thin line. Did he not realise the depth of her fear? Of how no one had ever stayed before? And why should now be any different? Just like the way she'd dropped into Alora's life, and that she'd dropped into Toby's life. She could be gone with a snap of her fingers, snatched away and tucked into the folds of their memory like a pipe dream. "Nobody stays," Amy replied in a very small voice. "I'm scared," she added, a breath above a whisper. Toby clutched her hands like vices, and Amy held on like he was a lifeline. Terror gripped her, dripping off her.

Taking two deep breaths, thinking for a longer moment than she ordinarily would have, Amy paused before speaking. "I think we have so much potential, Toby," she said quietly. "But with potential comes great struggle." Amy looked down at their entwined hands, and after a moment pulled them apart. "How could you know at first sight? You can think I'm pretty, sure. I am. Very pretty," said Amy, offering Toby a chagrined look. "And you make me feel... more myself than I ever have. Even at home. Even here. Even anywhere." Amy's mind was everywhere and nowhere all at once.

"I don't even know why I'm arguing with you," said Amy after a pregnant pause. The backs of her eyes prickled uncomfortably. She placed a hand on Toby's leg. "I can't express how much you mean to me, Toby. And how awful my life would be without you in it. Your entry into my life was like turning lead into gold. The most ideal transmutation. I don't want to change it because I'm afraid of it turning back to lead," said Amy. But as always, she was stumbling over her words. Andrew had always been the most articulate of the Astor-Shaw clan. At least, the American contingent. Amy tilted her head back, looking up at the ceiling. "Everything is so tumultuous. What time is there for love?"

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Amy stared at him in a way that made him nervous. Maybe he didn’t quite understand her insecurities. But hell, he was trying to. Toby watched Amy as she seemed to go through an inner battle in her head, holding her hands gently for support. ”I’m scared too.” Toby reassured her. He was quiet for a moment. ”I’m afraid you’re going to make me fall in love with you and you’ll decide to go back to your life back in California and I'll never see you again.” Toby told her. His heart dropped at the thought, making his eyes sting. The three months they’ve known each other he anticipated any day she would decide to go back because life across the pond was too much and she missed her family. None of his American friends from school had stayed after their transfer.

The silence and anticipation was killing him. And when she finally did respond, Amys words stung. He was starting to get the impression that things weren’t going as good as they seemed. She agreed that they would be great together but it would be a struggle. His stomach flipped upside down. ”Nothing worth having comes easy.” he answered like a wise owl, frowning slightly when she pressed him on how he could know the first time meeting her. Amy’s hands dropped from his, causing him to swallow hard. His face went red but he managed to match Amys gaze.  “It was a feeling. I met you during a particularly rough time after a Full Moon. Talking to you was like sunshine after months of rain. And over the past months of getting to know you, you feel like home.” he told her, knowing it sounded corny but he didn’t care because it was true. His eyes remained on her, heart fluttering at how irresistible she looked in his bathrobe so he had to look at the floor and ruffle his hair again. 

Amys words had him speechless. She placed her hand on his leg, sending a bolt of electricity through his body. She sounded jaded about love for have never experienced it first hand. With a sigh, Toby fell with his back into the bed in defeat. ”There’s always time to love you, Amy.” he told her, feeling like they were going to argue in circles now. "How will you know if you never give me a chance?-Give us a chance?"


AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

"I wouldn't go without you," said Amy before she could stop herself. Even if some they remained in this limbo somewhere between friendship and lovers, Amy couldn't imagine her life without Toby. And what remained in America? A handful of fake friends? Her parents who had sheltered her her entire life and kept her from knowing her sister? Those things seemed so small.

Amy had been skeptical of Toby's great proclimation, and challenged it. How could he have known that they'd become such great friends? In reality, Amy had known it too. A sort of settled feeling, like a cacophony going quiet. When she was with Toby, she felt the same. Every hole she poked in reason, Toby patched it with tenderness and care. And Amy stopped trying to find reasons to prove him wrong. There was a long silence between them after Toby's question - why not give them a chance? The potential for heartbreak surely was worth paying in order to feel the euphoria that came with young love.

Tentatively, Amy crawled up the bed and rested her head on Toby's shoulder. She curled up next to him, her chin tilted up so she could look him in the eye. "Okay," she replied at last. Despite her misgivings, Amy shut down the challenging voice in her head, and listened to the triumph of her heart. "Let's give us a chance," she murmured, her fingers gently touching his cheek, cradling his face before she kissed him.

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Tobys heart was beating so fast he felt like it may explode. The look on Amy’s face scared the shit out of him. He could tell that she was thinking a million different scenarios and reasons in her head. Amy stated that she would bring him with her and felt something shift within him. Travel was exciting, there’d be animals and creatures he’d never seen before in the States. Well, if that ever happened, they’d cross that bridge when if it came.. Toby didn’t say anything because he was overthinking as much as Amy.

Amy inched closer to him to rest her head on his shoulder, looking up at him with her icy blue eyes before agreeing to giving them a chance. Toby half expected her to keep arguing so his head tilted slightly in realization and maybe a bit of disbelief. His eyes flickered with a hint of geekish excitement as his arm shifted around her shoulder. ”Yeah?” he sighed with relief as Amy pressed her lips to his. Toby kissed her back soundly, smiling against her lips before kissing her again, filling him with warmth. Everything felt dreamlike, he almost forgot the bloody pounding behind his eyes and ears. His heart burst in his chest, ”I want to make you the happiest girl in the world.” he told her softly with deep sincerity. The world suddenly felt right.

"You hungry?" he asked expectantly, knowing she must be, since the last time they ate was pizza the previous afternoon before draining several pints. "I reckon you must be feenin' for coffee by now--though I must say you've brewed a proper cuppa." he stated with a smile, gesturing to the mug on the bed side table. "Pancakes or waffles?" he asked her, a part of him hoping she'd choose waffles because his sister gave him a waffle iron with safari animal shaped irons as a gift after telling his parents about switching his focus over to Magiczoology and he was sure Amy would find some sort of joy over that.

AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

A part of Amy wanted to continue arguing, to keep poking holes in all of Toby's well intentioned plans. She surprised herself when she agreed to give them a try, and sealed her promise with a kiss. Toby wanted to make her the happiest girl in the world? Amy's lips pressed into a thin line, and she said nothing. She instead snuggled more into the crook of his arm and closed her eyes once more.

But her rest was short lived, as Toby asked if she was hungry. She mumbled incoherently - yes, she was hungry. "Yeah, give me some real caffeine," said Amy, cracking an eye to look up at him. "I'm glad the brew is to your standards, prince of tea," she added with a smirk. He offered pancakes or waffles, and Amy stared at him with confusion. "A choice?" she replied. "Uh... waffles?" she added. They didn't make pancakes properly in this country anyways - they were always thin and tasteless like crepes. Maybe Amy would show Toby how to make a proper pancake, if she ever learned how to cook. But that was a problem for another day.

"So... what now? After breakfast, I mean?" asked Amy, sitting up in the bed at last. "Do we return to Zonkos and thank them for bringing us together?" asked Amy, a smirk playing at her lips. "Or do we stay in bed all day, because that sounds like a dream."

tobias charles watkins

[tobias charles watkins]

Toby was overjoyed with emotion. Suddenly the comedown he was experiencing wasn’t so bad because he had Amy nuzzled in his shoulder and everything felt right in the world. Even with the throbbing in his head and behind the eyes. He could feel their relationship shifting already though he had a voice at the back of his head telling him to take it slow…because the last thing he wanted to do was scare Amy away by moving too fast.

Amy seemed surprised by having the option of pancakes or waffles, choosing waffles, and he nodded proudly. Waffles were his forte as a big brother. His sisters still asked for them when he visited, anytime of the day it didn't matter. ”Waffles it is. Prepare yourself to be amazed.” he smiled tiredly, rubbing his temples as he started to wake up and reality set in a little more. Toby stretched before sitting back up with Amy, realizing laying down surely felt much better in his current state. He laughed when she asked if they should stop by Zonko's. Toby would gladly go follow Amy anywhere. "We gotta pop back over to the other side of Scotland for a cup of coffee. For old times sake.." he smiled, remembering back to the first day they met. He couldn't believe they were sitting next to each other now in his flat, confessing warm and fuzzies.

Toby fell back into the bed, it's warmth and comfort calling him back, ”I think today calls for a lazy duvet day.” he agreed easily, trying not to let his face go red. Staying in bed with Amy all day surely sounded like a dream come true. Toby closed the open curtains with a swish of a hand and sighed, "My eyes feel like they want to fall out of my head. Were we yelling all night?" he asked with a pained laugh, swallowing hard and feeling the tenderness. It was a reminder of a night he'd never forget. Toby chuckled to himself before admitting, "That was fun. A little weird...but fun. Fun that we will pay for today." 

AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW

[AMY ESMA ASTOR-SHAW]

Amy smiled up at Toby, and settled herself more comfortably in bed as he sat up with all the good intentions of making waffles. But it didn't last long, and he fell back against the pillows, but they remained silent. With the sudden serenity, came a wave of thought. Was she making a mistake? Amy had asked herself this question a million times. The least she could do was allow herself at least a day of happiness. Of not worrying about the future. Of having a falling out so violent that she would never even be allowed to set foot on the British Isles again.

"Mmm, Edinburgh was really cool. We'll have to give each place a taste test," Amy replied simply, turning her attention to Toby. He announced that they had earned a duvet day, and with a crow of delight, Amy snuggled down deeper into the duvet. "Do not disturb for the next five to seven business hours," she mumbled, before tucking her head under the duvet and making herself a cocoon.

"My throat is on fire, my body aches and my eyeballs feel liquid," Amy called helpfully from the confines of her cocoon. "And yeah, it was super fun. We will have to do it again, but maybe next time without the illegal substances," Amy reasoned. Surely that was why they were feeling beyond shitty right now. "BUT you know what sounds super duper fun right now?" asked Amy, finally popping her head just up to her eyes out from her hiding spot. "Waffles. With whipped cream." She narrowed her eyes at him. "And coffee..." she trailed off, smirking to herself. "Pretty please? I will repay you with seventeen kisses," Amy bargained, conceding that she would in fact do that, but only if she was fed and watered first. And maybe after a nap.

tobias charles watkins