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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 18, 2017 21:14:04 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2017 21:14:04 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria stared down at town for several silent moments. Just stared. Everything always seemed so small and insignificant up here. So, whenever she needed to just get away from the insanity that was her life, she came here. She'd found the path during the first Hogsmeade trip, and been coming ever since. In these long months though she'd never brought anyone up here with her. But from all the arguing... Well... It'd seemed right to bring him. Because he wanted her to drop her attitude and just be honest. But she'd never do that down there. Not around everyone else.
She let his words sink in as she leaned back and braced her hands on the ground behind her. "It's a hell of a lot easier to be a slut then the real Maria." She answered slowly as she tore her gaze away from the view and looked over at him. "People can't hurt her if I refuse to be her." She added before looking away again and sighing. "Besides, she's not really worth much anyway. All she'd get is pity and that's the last thing I want."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 18, 2017 21:21:45 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2017 21:21:45 GMT -7
@maria <3 Samuel sat down next to her, criss cross with his elbows on his knees. She was silent for a long time and he gave her that time to process what he said and asked and for her to properly word her answer. Samuel wasn't expecting any particular answer from her, but he was proud of her for being so honest with him. It was...a nice change. "It's always easier to be anyone but yourself, Maria. But I think there's a lot of people out there who'd love her, even more than slutty Maria." Samuel chuckled and looked back at her. "Pity isn't a bad thing, whether you want it or not. That means people care about you. And I think what you're doing now is hurting her more than anyone else could. You're forgetting her."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 18, 2017 21:55:44 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2017 21:55:44 GMT -7
@jill7
Samuel had taken up the spot next to her on the ground, but Maria didn't notice until after she'd spoken. In a way she was slightly surprised that he'd joined her rather then just grab the guitar and run. Instead here he was, staying. And Maria? She was saying things she'd never thought she'd say to anyone. Especially this guy. No offense. But if she'd tell anyone it should have been Elias.
Leaning forward she pulled her knees up to her chest and folded her arms on top of them. "And what if I don't want to be myself..?" Hah, love. Maria frowned at the thought. "People might. But they'd still leave her. I never want to open myself back up to that again." Never again. She'd never let herself love someone, because she couldn't stand the thought of being abandoned again.
Turning her head to look at him as she sat there, curled up, she continued to frown. "Maybe she deserves to be forgotten. It's not like anyone would miss her. There's no one left." No one knew that sad girl. Or cared. Letting out a slow breath she look back down to the village. "And just so you know, anything I say up here can't be repeated in public. I'll deny all of it and possibly burn you if you try."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 10:14:57 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 10:14:57 GMT -7
@maria <3 Samuel realized she was quite upset about this entire conversation as she was going into what looked like a fetal position. He'd heard in the past that that is what makes most people comfortable when they are feeling afraid or sad, and to see Maria do it was surprising to him. Samuel scooted closer so that his foot was almost touching hers, and he could smell her perfume again. He smiled. "Have you learned nothing from me, sweet Maria? I'm myself. And I had someone leave me that meant the world to me. Two people, actually." His father flashed in his brain, and he realized Maria's told him much more about herself than he had to her.
"You know who would miss her? Elias. I'm sure he knows her. And I'd miss the fact that I never got to know the real Maria." At the end of his sentence his tone of voice became a bit softer, but he continued to smile at her. Samuel always wanted to make people know that they're cared for and needed. And Maria seemed like she needed that help. She spoke of burning him and he laughed. "I've been waiting for you to burn me, but you haven't yet. So I'll still be waiting. But don't worry. I'm not the type to spill secrets."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 11:39:17 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 11:39:17 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria didn't understand why she was telling him any of this. It was so.... so personal. And Maria didn't open up to people like this. Never. Yes, Elias knew. She'd told him everything. And Viola knew some of it, but even then not everything. In all regards, Samuel was one of the newest people she'd met that she'd maintained contact with. So why him? not only that, with this arguing going on between them half the time it sounded like they hated each other. As it was though, Maria had been raised in a very secretive community. They didn't trust outsides. But since Maria had never been fully accepted so she'd become secretive to everyone. And yet here she was! Not telling him everything, but opening up to him in a way that was so uncharacteristic of her. "You handle abandonment much better than me then." Just because she was opening up to him now didn't mean she'd tell him who'd left her. If he wanted to know that, he'd have to ask. Just like every other piece of information she'd shared with him. "You're also a much better person than me." She added, fully believing it. He truly was. And like he'd made clear, she really was just an immature child next to him.
Elias. The mention of her cousin made her smile just a little. Always pretending to be shallow. As if there wasn't anything under the surface. It was exhausting. Not letting people see past that tough and sultry shell she'd so meticulously created. "Maybe." Was all she managed to say in response, unable to muster any more of a response.
Maria rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smirk at what he said. "As long as you don't tell anyone, you can keep waiting."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 12:24:54 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 12:24:54 GMT -7
@maria <3 "I don't really consider it abandonment. I consider it feelings changed, emotions changed. And that's where the end of a good thing happens. But the beginning of something else better." It took him a long time to feel this way and realize how he was acting wasn't okay. Maria was eight years younger than him. And while their experiences were different, how they handle things could be considered similar. She called him a much better person and he chuckled, shaking his head, his dreads moving with him. "I don't believe that's true. I only know this Maria." He gestured to her. "I don't know the real Maria that's in here." Samuel leaned forward, resting his hand on her chest over her heart before pulling it back towards his own body.
He was happy to see he got a smirk out of her. That meant she wasn't too upset and could still have some humor about it all. "I know I said I've wanted to cut them, but if you ever plan on burning me, skip the dreads." Samuel winked at Maria. For some reason, he couldn't see her ever burning him. Not unless she was no longer in control of it. She didn't seem like she'd ever want to. "I'd like to know the real Maria if you'd let me." He spoke, looking down at the village below.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 13:20:42 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 13:20:42 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria wasn't smiling at that statement. About not considering it abandonment. "Who left you? Aside from the ex." She slowly asked, as if trying to figure out why he'd consider that. Some explanation as to why they saw and understood it differently. And why he wasn't nearly as spiteful about it as she was. He was leaning forward then, to rest a hand over her heart as he spoke about not knowing who she really was. She dared not move, or even breath at the brie contact. It wasn't meant in any sort of intimacy, the sort of contact Maria was used to. Instead it was... Well, to be honest Maria didn't even know how to describe it. It wasn't until he pulled away that she dared to do anything. And when she did, she smiled just a little and looked away.
"Oh, your dreadlocks are perfectly safe, don't worry. I could never burn something so flawless." They were pretty great, she had to admit. She'd seen dreadlocks before, but Samuel had taken amazing care of his. Especially for their length. Besides, they suited him quite nicely. As he mentioned getting to know the real her though she raised both eyebrows and turned to look back at him again. "And what if you don't like who I really am?"
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 13:30:15 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 13:30:15 GMT -7
@maria <3 Samuel didn't really think Maria was going to ask that question. He wasn't sure why he thought she wouldn't, it was definitely the most common next thing to ask. Samuel wasn't ashamed of his past or his family, or who his father was. But Maria also didn't know his last name, which is a good reason as to why she didn't know where he came from. His father, Corban Yaxley was a very well known Death Eater. And even though she wasn't from this country he assumed she might know the name. "My father." Samuel finally looked away from the town and back to her. "His name is Corban Yaxley. I have no idea where he is. Whether he's in Azkaban, on the run, or dead. He was gone by the time I was born. I don't think my sister even knows where he is."
There was another fact about him. He had an older sister. Normally Samuel wouldn't find it so unusual to talk about himself, but it was different with Maria. He felt like he needed to have some type of secret like she did. "I don't think I wouldn't like her. I'm not one to dislike people, Maria. And I have a feeling she's not as mean as this Maria." Samuel smiled.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 14:23:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 14:23:39 GMT -7
@jill7
Even though it was a sensitive subject Maria didn't feel bad for asking it. After all, up here? It was just them. They didn't have to worry about what anyone else might think or overhear. And if he chose not to answer... Well, she wouldn't blame him. It was a deeply personal question. But after several moments he answered, and Maria's eyes widened a bit. His father. The name didn't sound familiar, but the way he said it made it sound like she should know of him. He must be a big name in the country. Maria's knowledge of the magical world though was limited to what she learned at Durmstrang. "Is it easier? Not knowing where he is or if he's even alive? Is it easier not knowing him?' She asked, her gaze intense as he met his own. He hadn't known his father. Would it be easier to handle if you didn't have any memories of the person?
Maria rolled her eyes at his guess that she wasn't as mean as she let on. "I'm not mean." She immediately protested. "I'm just vocal and unapologetic about my feelings." Was her not so great explanation of her behavior as she smirked again.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 14:52:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 14:52:39 GMT -7
@maria <3 The look in her eyes was unusual, and not what Samuel expected. But he couldn't help but stare back, breathing in her scent as she intensely stared at him. He swallowed hard, blinking. Her question ran through his brain and as he thought about it, he realized it was not easy nor difficult. "No, I don't think so. I don't think it's easier. My sister, she has memories of him. It's hard having her talk about someone who is a stranger to me, and seeing how difficult it is for her to not be around him anymore." Samuel looked down at his hands, then back to her. "I always feel like some part of me is missing. That there's something... Something I'm missing out on." That was as honest as he could get.
"You can be mean. But it's your way off pushing others away which I understand. But being mean is just so hard." Samuel found it much easier to be nice than mean in any situation. She could be vocal with being nice...But he was also incredibly blunt about his feelings and advice which is how they were similar. He wouldn't hold anything back. Lying was also a rarity for Samuel and he never did it.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 15:38:23 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 15:38:23 GMT -7
@jill7
There were a few, silent but intense moments where they just met each others gazes. And for those moments, Maria didn't breath. It was almost like he could see right through her, a feeling that was so unnerving that she didn't know how to handle it. And then, the moment passed as Samuel spoke. About it not being easier and how hearing his sister talk a bout a man he didn't know had been difficult. How he felt like something was missing. Maria didn't look away as he spoke, just listened in silence and watched him. After he finished speaking she looked away. "My dad left too, when I was seven. The last thing he told me was that he loved me. Right before he killed himself." She admitted, only looking back at him then with a dark look in her eyes. "If you really loved someone you wouldn't leave them like that." There, the reason she hated love and everything related to it. At seven years old... Going through that sort of trauma would seriously mess with a child's 'love map', their understanding of what it was and what was and wasn't acceptable. When most children had been learning who they should like and what love meant, Maria's entire world had been turned upside down, and the concept of love ruined.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 15:50:22 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 15:50:22 GMT -7
@maria <3 Maria's words drove a small knife through his chest. At seven years old, while he had been taught the beliefs of his father, he had a good life. A good childhood. He was loved, and given what was needed at that age. Samuel always had his older sister and his mother, even if his father was gone. And while both father's left willingly, Maria was left with a pain that Samuel could never imagine. And while they both intentionally had made sure not to touch one another in particular ways, Samuel moved his sitting position. His legs were no longer crossed, but they were out straight. His body was no longer adjacent to hers, yet parallel. Maria's legs were still pulled up against her chest, and as her dark eyes looked into his light ones, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug, her scent engulfing his senses. "No, you wouldn't. I think in this case, your father had a lot more going on that blinded his love for you."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 16:22:22 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 16:22:22 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria couldn't read his expression, and thus had no idea what he might be thinking about her admittance. That part about her history wasn't common knowledge. Aside from her grandparents the only other people that knew aside from Samuel was Viola and Elias. Maybe it was the fact that she'd started to tell people that she was so willing to tell Samuel. It wasn't everything, not by a long shot, but it was a start. When he finally did react though it was to pull her into a hug and softly speak. Maria didn't fight it, just leaned into the embrace as he spoke. "There was. My mom died a week before." she explained quietly. "But he should have considered the fact that he was leaving me with no one." she'd been sad too! So why did his distraught get to trump hers? Why did he get to decide that he'd take away everything that remained of her family?
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 19, 2017 16:28:56 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 16:28:56 GMT -7
@maria <3 The feeling of her leaning into him made him smile slightly. After their last few meetings, it was nice to see her finally letting her guard down. Allowing herself to feel her emotions and to speak about her troubles. That was something Samuel had always tried to do himself. And now that he was able to get her to do it as well, it was a nice feeling. But when Maria spoke again, Samuel just wanted to cry. He was a strong guy, but he also had emotions. Samuel wasn't one to hide them; he liked being open about his feelings. Though he didn't cry. With a small squeeze to her body, he leaned his head down and spoke once more. "I would say I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd like that, so I won't." Samuel took a deep breath and then continued. "He should have. And I know you don't believe in love. But that's the biggest act of true love right there. He left his life to be with the one person he felt everything for, gave everything for."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 8:24:14 GMT -7
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Mar 24, 2017 15:20:32 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2017 15:20:32 GMT -7
@jill7
There was a part of Maria that wanted to shut up. That wanted to stop telling him these things. Things she hated to tell even the closest person to her (Elias). It was absolutely terrifying to her that Samuel had somehow gotten her comfortable enough to spill her very personal secrets.
After her parents had died and she was shipped off to her grandparents she'd heard countless things about what happened. About her father and mother. Terrible things. So when Samuel said it's been an act of true love that had drkven her father to the act she frowned, going deathly still in his arms. "Or obsessive infatuation." she whispered. Maria never denied her Veela heritage. But most people didn't know how strong it actually was. "Full blood Veela charm is.... powerful." she explained in that same tone. Driven him mad, that's what her grandparents had kept saying. That he's fallen so deeply under the spell that her death made him descend into madness.
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